AN: I KNOW RIGHT! An actual update after all this time - and it's a good one! Dedicated to Christine, my diehard supporter! Thanks to Mary for being the best beta to ever beta and a great friend to boot!
Chapter nineteen:
"What the hell were you thinking?" R's fists clench so hard that he thinks he will either punch Enjolras or turn into the Hulk.
Enjolras will not let himself be dragged along, but R pulls at the other man's arm anyway, almost pushing him down the stairs in his haste to get him as far away from Éponine as possible. He is not going to let this continue for one second longer.
"What are you talking about?" Enjolras doesn't even sound angry.
"I'm talking about you leading Éponine on like that," he speaks in his harshest whisper.
Jehan got pretty obvious after a while, because even though the Buffy marathon was entertaining as hell, the barely-being-allowed-to-leave-the-room bit was not so good. And it made it pretty clear to R that there was something going on downstairs that he was not supposed to see. As Enjolras and Éponine were the only other people in the house, and he and Jehan were already occupied,it obviously had to be about them.
And it was.
The dance looked beautiful at first glance – but R was the only one who knew just how cruel Enjolras was being to the woman in his arms.
"You're not going to be here nine days from now," he explains. "Or at least, that's what you have decided. And a little over a week from now, Éponine will still be here, waiting for you to return. But you never will. You never will. This dance, it's just cruel."
It was the look on Éponine's face that did it for him. She would never admit it, not even if pressed, but she looked happy for a little while there. There was just a brief moment where she sighed and burrowed her head into the marble man's chest. She gave in for a little bit, and R knew that was a risk she would not dare take for just anyone – he knew Éponine, because he was very much the same.
"I wanted to give her something," Enjolras is apologizing.
"A broken heart?" he raises an eyebrow in return. "Because that's what you're doing."
How can he not understand? It is getting harder and harder not to start yelling right in front of the door. It would be easy to kick Enjolras out without another word – maybe it would spare everyone some of the pain they would feel in nine days. No wait, shit, it's eight now. Only eight days.
"I never meant to cause Éponine harm," Enjolras looks aghast at the possibility.
"Well then," R prepares himself to deliver a proper speech. "What did you think that your absence will do to her? She is actually letting you in. She is telling you things about herself; letting you behind her walls. And you're just marking your calendar, waiting for the moment you can leave us all behind."
He is sure that Enjolras has already crossed off today on his list, leaving him with little more than a week to live. He has given up on everything, and yet he is keeping Éponine so very close to him. At least for the next seven or eight days.
"There is nothing that can be done," Enjolras holds his head up high. "It is no use giving anyone false hope about my future fate."
What Enjolras really means is that he just does not want to risk accidentally giving himself hope – it would hurt him too much next week. He must be terrified of what will happen to him. Will it hurt? Oh God, R hadn't even thought of that. He can't think of that, not when he is trying to help Éponine.
But he has to. They're completely tied together by now - as the Gods would say, their fates are entwined. R has to think about both of them, has to worry about both of them.
"Then why let Éponine assume you will still be here next month?" he cannot grasp this particular logic. "That is just another way of giving her false hope."
This guy is a mess, an actual mess. Does he even still understand why he is doing these things, or is he just not willing to admit to anything? Clearly Enjolras must be in denial about having feelings for Éponine – because R knows that there is something going on there. But if these feelings are real, he cannot be selfish right now. For the next eight days, he will have to choose her happiness over his.
That is what love is all about, after all.
"Why would I not be allowed to do something nice for her?" It almost seems as if Enjolras is willfully misunderstanding him. "I just wanted her to have some happier memories of me after I'm gone."
There will be nothing left of him in eight days – that concept is still so damn hard for him to grasp. How something as intangible as a curse can take a man away from his friends and turn him back into a thing. Enjolras was always meant to be a man, and now he will have to spend the rest of his days in the cold embrace of marble.
"You just want to be remembered," he is just so damn disappointed – even though he kind of understands as well.
"Of course I wish to be remembered," Enjolras finally raises his voice. "And it would be even nicer if someone remembered me fondly. I would like it if someone cared about me after I was gone. Is that so terrible?"
The terrible thing is that it is not terrible – it is so damn human that it hurts. Enjolras fears oblivion, fears that he will be forgotten about by the only people who still know that he exists. After he is forced back into his marble prison, who will remember him?
But R will gladly take on that burden; will gladly take it off Éponine's shoulders.
"You can't do that to Éponine," he wonders how Enjolras could have seen so much of Éponine and yet understand so little about her. "She doesn't let people in. She's scared of being abandoned or disappointed or hurt. She's finally calling you her friend and you're preparing to smash her heart into little pieces!"
There is a pile of statue drawings spread all around the house that tells him all about Éponine's feelings for Enjolras. She cares more than she wants to, and she is terrified that he will abandon her just when she dared to let him in.
"Don't think I haven't noticed," he warns. "I know that she doesn't call anyone friend – it's just you. You are her only friend, or so she thinks."
And yes, it kind of hurts him that Éponine doesn't refer to him as her friend. He likes her a lot, and she's a fabulous addition to the Amis. They need more women in their crowd, especially women who have Éponine's kind of attitude. She knows art and history and she has just the kind of fucked up sense of humor that he adores. Shit, she's like a sister, given that she sometimes annoys the shit out of him, when he's not trying to defend her from anyone who might not like her as much as he does.
"She is incorrect," Enjolras understands that much.
"I know that," he sighs heavily. "You know that. Jehan and Combeferre know it, and dear Chetta certainly knows it. The thing is, Éponine is simply not willing to see it."
Maybe she just is not used to having friends, to having several people around her who actually want to spend time with her and listen to her opinions. It seems like Eponine is not very used to being comfortable with people. She holds herself at a distance - something he can relate to as well as something he really dislikes. She deserves better.
"That saddens me," Enjolras seems to agree with him.
"This is exactly why you can't be making this worse," R knows he's being contrary and redundant, but this is important. "You can't lead her on and then abandon her."
He wonders if repetition is the thing that will make his message get through to Enjolras - nothing else seems to. The guy is just so set on letting the curse take over that he isn't even fighting it anymore. He is just doing whatever he damn well pleases with the week or so that he still has left. And fine, R is not going to fight against that, unless it starts messing with the people that he cares about. While he cares about Enjolras - he is starting to see him as a friend - he can't keep pulling at that dead horse. He can't force him to care, but he will keep fighting for the people who want and/or need his help.
"Would you prefer it if I kept my distance from her?" the marble man asks him.
Enjolras almost sounds hesitant, voice less than sure that he actually wants to keep his distance from Eponine. He looks… smaller, curling in on himself ever so slightly. Maybe he is finally getting the message.
"Yes, I would," he admits. "If you're still planning on letting this curse fester, without even trying to break it, I want you to stay the hell away."
Éponine might actually kill him if she finds out, but he is choosing not to give a shit about that right now. This is way more important than her possibly hurt feelings. He'd rather she'd be mad at him than have her be incredibly hurt about Enjolras' stupidity.
"Then that is what I shall do," Enjolras sighs deeply - fucking drama queen.
There is a creaking sound on the stairs, and he knows that the conversation is over. The great marble man may not have noticed, but R has, and he is not risking the possibility of Eponine overhearing this conversation. So, with a loud huff, he heads back upstairs.
Only to run into Eponine herself on the stairs. She does not look him in the eye, but he knows that there will be trouble ahead. Enjolras had best beware of her temper. And R had best get out of the way before the fighting starts.
After all, Jehan is waiting for him upstairs. They have a lot of slaying to witness before they can call it a night.
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How can she sleep when these two idiots make so much noise? How can she fall asleep without resorting to dreams about romance and a happily ever after?
Best to just go downstairs and overhear things she was never meant to hear.
"What was that all about?" she gets right into Enjolras' face.
After what she has just heard, she cannot possibly stay calm. Something is wrong - the great marble man is hiding something big from her, and instead of talking to her about it, he is going to avoid her. He is going to hide, which is just typical. It is just like him to do that. Sure, sometimes he looks and sounds almost like the protesting man he is supposed to be, but usually he just hides inside and waits for her to come home.
Passivity is his fatal flaw at the moment.
"What was what all about?" Enjolras just has to deflect.
"Oh come off it," she sighs. "I am too tired for this shit. How did you go from the dance to being an evasive asshole? And how did you do it this fast?"
Leading her on? Abandoning her? She has to know, for her own safety, for the safety of her stupid fractured heart. It won't stand for her being toyed with, not by anyone. Not even by the ancient man of marble.
"Excuse me?" clearly he is none too happy about her choice of words.
"Oh come off it," she rolls her eyes. "You're really bad at the deflecting thing, and I heard everything. Keeping your distance? Leading me on? You'd better explain!"
Sure, he is going to miss the point of the reference - but since it wasn't made for his amusement anyway, she's not going to give a shit about that.
Damn it, why does this stuff always happen to her?
Dancing with him had made her feel warm, almost safe. Of course it would turn out to be one big lie. Suddenly she feels chilly, and her aching feet won't let her go back up those stairs. Would it be possible to just collapse where she is standing and rest in the blissful sleep of the innocent and ignorant?
"And here I thought you cared," she lashes out before he can hurt her even more.
"I do care, madem- Eponine," he is vehement, eyes burning with emotion. "Why would you think I do not care about you?"
So many reasons, so many secrets hidden behind a veil of civility and kindness. Is their friendship, this odd comradery, even real? What hasn't he been saying? What has he hidden from her these last few weeks?
"What aren't you telling me?" she is many things, but clueless is not one of them.
She prides herself in finding everyone's hidden motives, in being able to see almost instantly if someone has good intentions. How could she have been so wrong about him? How could this marble man have gained her trust and then betrayed it so easily?
And what is this secret motive she can't get a handle on?
"Monsieur Grantaire was merely making sure I held no wrong intentions towards you," Enjolras is clearly still avoiding something.
"Oh I'm sure that's it," the sarcasm comes back out - she's exhausted and ready to get petty. "You couldn't have the wrong intentions even if you tried. And you won't do that."
Crap. She did not mean to say that, because she does not want any intentions from anyone, let alone from the overly proper idiot from the past. It's just… She actually likes him. And he danced with her, and it was… comfort and safety and warmth. She is hoping that meant something.
"I do not understand," Enjolras is stone-faced - hah, the irony!
"Of course you don't," she is too tired to stay nice, to stay calm, to stay the good little teacher for him. "And you're not avoiding the subject either. I'm tired, and I'd like it if you just told me already so I can go the fuck to sleep!"
Her feet still ache so badly, and all the excitement that had flared up in her when they danced was now gone. She can only look back on it with suspicion now. Why can he not tell her? What is so bad that the great Enjolras is too embarrassed to speak of it?
She wants to regret bringing him back to life, but she can't.
"I wonder," he starts, and there is steel in his voice, "how you can be so insistent upon me revealing my innermost secrets to you when you are so very distant with everyone else?"
Then, there is silence. Stunned silence.
Did he really just go there?
"Excuse me?" she asks, her voice cold with fury.
The great Enjolras took forever to reveal something as simple as his first name! But no, she is the problem here. She is the hypocrite.
"I believe you have no problems with your hearing," Enjolras looks right through her. "I am referring to the fact that you refuse to make friends. With anyone. Except for the weird marble man you dragged back into the land of the living. Now why would that be?"
Who the hell was he to judge? Who is he to paint her as the hypocrite when he has done nothing but close himself off from the second she woke him from his marble prison? It took him ages to even tell her his first name, for fuck's sake.
By all accounts he should be called Spock. Emotionless, literal-minded asshole.
She has reasons not to get attached - valid ones. She is always on the move, so why bother? He just doesn't get it. Of course he doesn't.
"Because maybe I thought I could trust you," she lashes out. "Guess I learned my lesson, huh?!"
Her aching feet take her back to the stairs - back to the safety of the attic, away from him. How could she have thought he meant something to her? Lesson learned.
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For the next two days he avoids her, and Eponine pretends that she does not miss his company.
She pretends to ignore the looks R keeps sending the both of them - he knows more about these damn secrets, but it is not like he is telling her anything. No, apparently that's something she needs to hear from the man himself. Or so Jehan says.
R isn't talking to her either.
So she gets in some venting time at work - Chetta is a godsend.
"He is being a secretive shit," she wipes glasses with a little more force than is strictly necessary.
"So you've said," Chetta is smirking, "about half a dozen times in the last hour."
Really? Well, maybe she had. She is just so damn preoccupied by the situation that she's cleaned several glasses at least three times because she forgot which ones were already spotless. Musichetta has been sending her knowing looks a lot, and she is pretending that the dishes are the most interesting objects in the entire bar.
Stupid Enjolras for ruining her for work.
"I'm sorry," she is trying really hard to be sorry about this. "It's just so frustrating."
It's all his fault. She was doing just fine before he just had to have that conversation with R - no, even before that, before he had to pull the whole missed chance on the dance thing. That was totally not necessary - and she totally isn't thinking of that dance still, and how they moved so well together.
"You know why it's so frustrating?" Musichetta does a little hop as she sweeps the floor.
"Why?" she has to know.
Eponine isn't going to like the answer, she knows that much, but she has to ask regardless. For some reason Musichetta still believes that Enjolras is her date - instead of just her friend. Really, right now she's questioning if he even is that.
"Because you actually give a damn about him," the smirk on Chetta's face is just rude.
"As if," she huffs. "As fucking if."
Enjolras is not her anything - he's keeping secrets and he's lying. She cannot trust him, and she actually wanted to. That's what hurts the most.
"You've called him your friend," Chetta is not just going to let this go. "You've called him your date. Hell, he's probably your best-friend-slash-other-half."
Other half? What kind of rom-com bullshit is that?
"I resent that," she puts the last glass away and crosses her arms.
"Maybe I was pushing it with the other half bit," Chetta shrugs. "But I'm dead on about everything else. Not just because I like him, and you two together, but because - hold onto your hat - you actually look happy when you're with him."
Why is Musichetta so invested in this, anyway? She and Enjolras are just two more people using this town as a layover before they actually get somewhere. Chetta barely even knows Enjolras - so why would she push her at him?
"Also," the other woman still is not done, "He's the only person in town you've ever referred to as your friend. Ever. So, you care. I know it sucks, but it is what it is."
What? The only person? Jehan and R have to - no. They are her friends, probably, really, but she's never said that out loud.
Still. She can't just let this go.
"He's not the only person," she has to argue with that.
Is Musichetta angry with her? She probably has a good right to be. After the weeks - what is it, over a month now? - that they've known each other, Musichetta deserves more than some standoffish bullshit. But that's all that Eponine has to give.
Or is it? She can't stay here, that much is obvious. But does that mean that she has to let go of the people too? Can't she have friends? Even at a distance, she can keep in touch - this is no longer the age of carrier pigeons and telegrams.
She doesn't have to be lonely.
It doesn't have to be just Enjolras. She doesn't have to pin everything on him, especially now that he avoids her and keeps his damn secrets. Especially now that his privacy is worth more to him than their friendship.
Musichetta wouldn't hide and scheme and lie.
"I'm sorry," Eponine works so hard to swallow her pride. "I'm an idiot and I've been a shit friend."
Eponine Thenardier does not apologize easily - if at all. It's a special occasion, because she's too damn proud to let anyone in. Or too scared.
Mostly the latter.
"I'm certainly not going to argue with that," Musichetta grins mischievously.
Well, she should have expected that. She couldn't have hoped for such easy acceptance, for a grin on her friend's face as she teases her. But it is what she's getting, and it's a balm on her aching heart.
After these last few days… Yeah, no, it's not going to be all about him all the time.
"And we both know who's in charge here," she is smiling for once.
"We can't all be as awesome as me," Chetta hops onto the bar, ready for some real conversation.
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"Where are you, you stone moron?" she storms into the house, slamming the door behind her.
Chetta sure knows how to fire her up before turning her loose on the unsuspecting boys - though it is suspiciously quiet in the house, so maybe her friend told Jehan and R to head out early. They deserve a five minute warning for what's about to go down.
"Enjolras!" Eponine gives it another try. "You can't keep avoiding me."
Sure, he can try, but she is not just going to let him. Not anymore.
So she runs up the stairs, banging her fists on his door. No matter what he's doing - sleeping, reading, enjoying some time playing the skin flute - she is happy to interrupt. He can be mad, or even try to escape out the window, but she is not going to let him ruin her time here. It's time for this stupid tantrum to be over.
"Look," she is adding yelling to her gentle knocks. "We need to talk and I'm not going to stop this until we do. Your move."
That at least got some response. She can hear movement in the room, and while she is sorely tempted to put her ear to the door, she doesn't want to risk falling on her face when Enjolras inevitably opens the door. Eponine is more than done with looking like a fool in front of him.
"I'm coming," he responds, sounding nice and angry.
"I am not exactly known to be patient!" she snaps.
"I am aware," he responds, and he sounds reasonably annoyed already, voice tight.
Good, she needs him to be a little on edge - he is more honest when she annoys him into telling the truth. And she could use some actual honesty this time around, instead of the excuses she got from him when they last talked.
"Are you also aware of how much I hate your lying?" she just has to ask.
"You have made that quite clear," he replies, finally opening the door.
He looks tired - as well he should. The bags under his eyes lessen the almost ethereal glow that appears to be a remnant of his days encased in marble. His wrinkled shirt almost makes him just her type.
"Then why do you insist on doing it?" Eponine keeps herself from reaching out by balling her hands into fists. "I'm so tired of this bullshit!"
That final word falls from her lips loudly and harshly, causing Enjolras to step back in surprise, almost closing the door in her face. She's scaring him and she's trying really hard not to care about it.
She waits for him to speak, silencing the stupid thoughts that are desperate to find their way out, just to fill the awkward silence. Why won't he speak?
"And still you say nothing," she sighs.
Disappointment courses through her body, a tightening in her gut and a hint of bile in her throat. God, why does she bother? He is not going to change. Men don't ever change - she learned that lesson years ago. Apparently she needs the reminder.
"You know what?" she raises her chin, "I'm done. I can't keep doing this with you keeping your mouth shut and evading me. I'm leaving. Don't try to follow me, or to pull another one of your stay just for the weekend bribes."
There is no way that she is going to let him move her any longer. He is not going to be able to persuade her to stick around, not even for another day. She will apologize to Musichetta - she deserves that much after all Eponine has put her through these last few weeks - but then she's out of here. Away from him.
Finally she dares to look him in the eye. Well, she tries to, but he keeps avoiding her gaze. His eyes are focused on the floor, as if the most interesting sight in the world just happens to be gracing the stained floor in the hallway.
It just figures that when she finally, finally shares herself with someone again, that he would make her regret it. That he would be a liar and a manipulative bastard. Someone terrible rather than someone charming. Even men that seem clueless and kind aren't worth it. Not even magic can make someone good for her, make her someone's friend. Make her someone's… Someone's.
Is it that bad to want to belong to someone?
"Guess I don't even merit a response," she mutters, suddenly exhausted.
Everyone gives up on her eventually - some sooner than others. She just figured Enjolras would at least try to hold on for a little bit longer. After all, she did save him from eternal marble-dom.
"I am trying to do what is best for you," Enjolras' voice is tight, strained.
"Fuck you," she scoffs. "You don't get to decide for me."
That is what he has been doing from the beginning. Manipulating, needing her - being so damned helpless no one with anything resembling a conscience (and even Eponine has that much) could bear to leave him behind. And all that talk of staying just one more day, of… No, she is not going there again.
That dance was not real. He wasn't real - it was all to keep her here.
And why? Why does he need her to stay here?
To make friends? To build some sort of life here? To be with him? To stay with him? None of this makes sense. None of it fits - why would he care when he's been so distant?
He has her so turned around that she doesn't even know if she wants him gone from her life or if she wants him to stay forever. All she knows is that she hasn't felt this uncertain in a long time.
"Please, Eponine," his voice cracks. "Let it go."
Ah, so she is close to something, close to figuring out the enigma that is the Man Protesting. She is just not sure how to proceed. Should she pressure him, just wind him up until he has no choice but to tell her? Or should she ever so gently coax him into revealing the truth? Perhaps she could even seduce him, if it were even possible to seduce a man made of stone.
"Not going to happen," she speaks gently, but firmly.
Eponine decides to wait, to give him a chance - so much more than she has ever offered anyone else. She will get her explanation, or she will leave.
"Don't go," he pleads, and she hates that he's still able to read her so well.
She is not swayed by his words, but finds herself sorely tempted when he reaches out to her, gently taking her hand in his. A part of her still wants this to work out.
"Why not?" she doesn't move away.
There is no answer. There's just Gabriel Enjolras looking panicked, looking around at anything but her, obviously trying to figure out what to tell her that she will actually believe. And there are not a lot of options left for him.
Which leaves him silent and her waiting to see what he'll do with his last chance to persuade her.
But she is not a very patient woman.
"Gabriel," she finally breaks the silence. "Why not?"
His eyes widen as she uses his first name, and his flushed face finally turns in her direction. She has managed to stun him yet again. Maybe she should start keeping track.
The grip he has on her hand loosens a little, yet he steps in closer to her. She swallows, her mouth suddenly dry. She can't seem to speak. All she can do is look at him, watch him look at her. His eyes are wild, tension settling into his limbs as he suddenly lets go of her completely.
"I shouldn't do this," he tells her solemnly.
She has barely realized just what he is saying to her when he's suddenly no more than a breath away. He leans in, obviously moving to give her a kiss on the cheek. She closes her eyes in anticipation, willing the fluttering in her stomach to just go away.
Gabriel changes directions at the very last second, something she only notices when his lips brush hers and her eyes fly open.
He is hesitant at first, like he's waiting to see what she'll do. When she doesn't pull away, he presses his lips to hers again, coaxing a response from her beyond just plain shock. He cups her cheek in a warm hand, and for the first time in forever she feels a fire beginning to burn, deep and low within her, and hungry.
It startles her into responding more overtly, and she lets herself be pulled flush against his body, yanking at the shirt on his back so she too can touch bare skin. Finally she brushes warm skin, and sighs into the kiss.
Her mind is still trying to catch up, but her instincts have kicked in, and she can't help deepening the kiss. She sluggishly worries - only for a moment - that someone will catch them making out in the doorway like silly teenagers, but when his hand finds the small of her back, she can't help but grind against him, and his gasp makes her forget to care.
She pulls away to take a deep breath before pulling him into another kiss, finally daring to tease his tongue with hers. She is the one coaxing him, and he responds more easily than she thought he would.
Somehow she ends up pinned firmly between him and a piece of furniture or something. There is a sound of something falling, but nothing appears to have been broken, so she cannot bring herself to care.
Gabriel, however, seems jarred back into reality. He breaks away, stepping right out of her personal space and then he just stares, wide-eyed.
"I… I need to go," he stammers, blush coloring his cheeks. "This was a mistake. I should not have… I am sorry."
Eponine touches her tingling lips with confusion and shock and watches him run away, wondering if this is a reason to stay or to leave.
AN: Yeah, so that happened. Let me know if you even still remember this story, or just let me know what you think about the chapter.