Thank you to everyone that is reading my story. I have never had so many people keep coming back…I hope that means you are happy with where I'm going so far with it.
This chapter is one of my favorites. It is where I think Bucky is mentally, which may not be where everyone thinks he is…so I hope you don't mind that I took some liberties with the story.
Anyway, thank you for being there, for reading and for sharing this with me. It means so much to see you showing up chapter after chapter. I Love Each of You 3000!
The stairs gave Bucky some time to think and to decide on how to approach this situation with Madison. All of these new emotions were something he was having trouble accepting. Normally, he was very quiet and stoic. Feelings and emotions were something he didn't typically share with anyone, even his best friend Steve rarely could tell how he was feeling. With Madison around, he was practically wearing his heart on his sleeve. That was both new and troublesome to Bucky. He wasn't quite sure how he felt being the "sensitive one" in the group suddenly.
Making his way to the kitchen, Bucky threw together a couple of sandwiches for himself and a bowl of pasta salad for Wanda, along with a couple cans of soda and took them took them to Madison's room. With his hands full he knocked gently with his foot. It only took a second before Wanda opened the door with her typical cheerful smile.
"I was wondering what was taking you so long," she said as she turned and walked back to Madison's bedside. "I figured as soon as you saw Nat had left you would have high-tailed it back up here." Her cheeky smirk made Bucky's cheeks heat up with embarrassment. Was he really coming off as such a lovesick puppy dog?
"Yes you are, but it's sweet," Wanda answered Bucky's thoughts, "and I approve greatly. You deserve a little happiness in your life James. You've seen too much sadness for ten lifetimes."
When Bucky had come to the compound, after having been in cryofreeze in Wakanda for a time, he wasn't really sure where he was going to fit in among the team. Wanda had immediately taken him under her wing and declared that they were going to become fast friends. And true to her word, they had been. She was one of the few that could help him when he most needed it, and often when he didn't realize he needed it.
On more than one occasion she had calmed a nightmare of his before it had gotten out of hand, or helped him to calm down after a mission. She never manipulated his emotions or feelings to her benefit, and typically only stepped in when he asked for help. That fact he really appreciated. For too long he had his right to choose taken from him and Wanda swore she would never do that to him unless someone's life was at risk, even his own.
Sitting the small dining tray on the bed, Bucky picked up one of his sandwiches and took a seat in the chair near the bed. "I wasn't sure if you had eaten yet, so I figure I'd bring you something and maybe relieve you for a little while watching over her."
Bucky nodded slightly towards Madison's sleeping form. "How's that going anyway?" He asked, taking a big bite out of his turkey sandwich.
"Not too bad," Wanda said, spearing a couple pieces of pasta with her fork. "She's almost got me convinced that Die Hard is actually a Christmas movie," she said, laughing.
"It is," Bucky said matter-of-factly, "well, it's a Christmas movie and an action movie. It's really great."
Wanda's grin became bigger, if that was possible, "and just where do you stand on Jar-Jar Binks?"
"Annoying at times, but mostly a really fun character. Kinda reminds me of Sam now that you mention it," Bucky said grinning before taking a big gulp of his cola.
Wanda couldn't contain her laughter after that. "Madison is practically dancing for joy over here. She said she has found a soulmate if you think Jar-Jar is a good character." She was laughing so hard now she covered her mouth because she couldn't laugh and swallow her food at the same time.
Bucky couldn't help but to stare at Madison. It actually felt good to smile, it felt good to be around her.
Wanda's laughter finally died down a bit to just the occasional chuckle. "Oh, I almost forgot. Did you want to try out the connection now? See if it works for everyone like it did Bruce?" There was hope and anticipation in Wanda's face. Like she was gearing up with an argument as to why Bucky should say yes when she inevitably knew he'd back out and say no. Well not this time.
Wiping his hands on his pants leg and taking a deep breath, Bucky offered his hand to Wanda, "sure, why not." Bucky's smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but he trusted Wanda and knew she'd look after them both.
With great joy Wanda clapped her hands and took Bucky's outstretched hand in hers. She closed her eyes for a moment before she took Madison's hand that lay still beside her body. "It may feel a little disorienting at first, but once you feel settled tell me what you see, okay?"
Bucky just nodded. Why was he suddenly so dry in the mouth? His nerves were beginning to pop up. "Close your eyes and just try to relax. Let Maddie do the work."
Bucky closed his eyes. It took a few moments to pass before he finally felt comfortable enough to open them. Looking around he couldn't believe what he was seeing.
Bruce had described his experience as being in a cold, dark room with only him and Madison. But that was far from the experience he was having. He was outside. To try to describe it out loud would never have done it justice, but he tried.
"I can't believe it. We're, we're outside of the compound, near the lake," Bucky stammered slightly, "I'm sitting on a swing." Looking up Bucky could see it was attached to a sturdy tree with long, thick branches. "I swear I can even feel a breeze blowing." Dream Bucky's hair gently ruffled against his cheek causing real Bucky to reach up to brush away what wasn't there.
"The sun is shining and the sky is a clear blue with only a few clouds."
"Do you see Madison yet?" Wanda sat patiently for each detail. This was far more advanced than she thought Madison would have been capable of so early on, but something told her that Maddie was throwing everything she had to make Bucky's experience more special.
Looking slowly around him, Bucky's eyes finally landed on the tree again. Peeking out from behind was Madison. Bucky's heart was actually beating fairly hard at the moment. He couldn't be sure if it was the experience or seeing Madison that was causing it.
"Hi," he said, offering what he hoped was a comforting smile. "How are you feeling?"
Madison stepped out in a pink, flowing, sleeveless dress that reached just to her ankles. Her feet were bare as she walked closer to him and her hair fluttered softly in the breeze. Bucky couldn't believe his mind was able to accept this vision. Most of his dreams were of torture and screams, not sunshine and butterflies.
"I feel okay," she said, timidly stepping closer to the swing. "Can I sit down," Madison said softly, indicating the seat next to Bucky on the swing.
"Of course," he said slipping over a little to allow Madison plenty of room.
"Thanks," Madison giggled, smiling shyly at Bucky. "Is this alright," Madison waved her hand at the scenery around them. "I can probably change it if you'd like? You just seemed like more of an outdoorsy kinda man to me."
Madison's cheeks had the most beautiful shade of pink that dusted them when she was embarrassed. It was exactly as Bucky remembered it when they first met at the dinner table in the kitchen this morning.
"No, I love this. It's beautiful just as it is." Bucky had to make an effort to look out over the lake instead of continuing to stare at Maddie. He couldn't help but to feel like a nervous teenager again and that period of his life had been a very long time ago. But part of him really enjoyed these feelings. To feel young again. Too often he felt like, and sometimes was even treated like, an old man in a young man's body.
"This is so strange," Madison said with a laugh. "I didn't even realize I could do this an hour ago, and now I'm able to do all of this," she said motioning to the area around them.
Bucky's hand slowly reached for Madison's that was sat on the swing between them. His long, strong fingers wrapped slowly around her smaller hand. The feeling was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Bucky took a quick breath because he had apparently forgotten to do so as he was reaching for Madison.
"Are you scared?" Bucky's concern was evident to Madison but in that moment, in that place, she felt the most safe she had felt in over six years.
Turning to look more directly at Bucky, Madison sat sideways on the swing bringing Bucky's hand she was now holding to rest on her dress covered thigh. "I don't feel scared here with you," she confessed. Her blush flooding her cheeks with adorable color. Why did this make Bucky smile so much? He loved that he had such a significant reaction on her. It was nice to see that he wasn't the only one apparently smitten.
Before the war Bucky had taken plenty of girls out on dates. Not to be crass but he wasn't exactly a virgin. So why was this girl so different from the others from his past? Steve used to joke that he had more girlfriends than the USO had female performers.
"I need to wake up don't I?" Madison's voice broke Bucky from his thoughts and back to their reality.
Buck's focus turned to what Madison was doing to his hand, slowly she was running her fingers up and down along each of his. What was she doing to him? He knew she had just asked him a question but for some reason forming sentences to speak was suddenly very difficult.
"Bucky?" Madison's head dipped down slightly into Bucky's line of vision breaking him from the spell of watching her fingers make paths along the back of his hand.
"Yes," he said, slipping the tip of is tongue out slowly along his lips to wet his suddenly very dry mouth. "You need to wake up, but only when you're ready." As Bucky continued to speak he began to study the delicate features of her face. Her skin was a soft, almost having a porcelain quality to it. Her lashes were dark and long and they brushed her skin gently when she blinked. Her lips were full, but not overly full, and had a dusty rose coloring to them. Bucky couldn't help but wonder what they would taste like as he pressed his own against them. 'Breathe Buck, breathe,' he thought to himself.
"You know that pretty much as soon as you are awake everyone is going to want to ask you questions. I don't want you to wake up until you are well enough to take that on." Bucky's other hand reached for Madison's two that were holding his right when he realized…his vibranium arm was gone.
In its place was what looked to be his arm? He couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was his real arm right down to the slight scar that sat on his first knuckle from where he had put his hand through a pane glass window when he was a child.
"Is that alright?" The concern in Madison's voice was clear. Madison was afraid she had overstepped her bounds by changing that major detail of his appearance.
Before Madison had appeared to Bucky from behind the tree she had searched his memory for visions of how he saw himself. His memory was filled with images of self-loathing and regret, something she would have to discuss with him on a later date. But one memory in particular stood out. It was of Bucky dressed in uniform and smiling. In it he looked strong and self-assured and he had both of his arms. For some reason she kept coming back to that memory.
Bucky didn't speak. He just kept staring at his left arm and flexing his fingers.
"Bucky, I'm so sorry if I offended you. I can change it back," panic was beginning to grow in Madison's voice for fear she had greatly offended Buck with her choice changes in his appearance. She honestly thought he would be happy with it, but now she was terrified she had overstepped her bounds.
A moment that felt like an eternity more passed before ocean blue eyes looked slowly up to Madison's face. And in them she didn't see anger, what she saw possibly broke her heart more. She saw tears filling his eyes.
Bucky's lips were slightly parted as he took shallow breaths. Madison watched as his left hand slowly reached for her face, settling gently against her cheek. He gasped and laughed at the same time.
"I can feel you," Bucky said as his tears trailed slowly down his cheeks. The smile that covered Bucky's face was humbling for Madison to say the least. She sat very still, trying not to break his moment of happiness as his fingers slid down her face and slowly down her neck. Madison could feel her heart pounding inside her chest as she watched Bucky pick up a lock of her hair, mesmerized it seemed as it slipped through his fingers.
She couldn't help herself, the sight of him crying broke her and a single tear trickled down her cheek. Bucky reached up and gently wiped it from Madison's face. "It never crossed my mind to ever hope to feel anything like this again. I've had the vibranium arm for so long." He gulped down the raw feelings of emotion that were bubbling up, trying to save face even if just a little from becoming a blubbering idiot.
Madison reached up and covered Bucky's hand with her own, pressing it more firmly against her cheek. "So you aren't angry that I changed this," Madison asked casting her eyes down toward her lap afraid that her gift might still yet be rejected by Bucky.
It only took a second for Bucky to lung forward and wrap his arms around Madison, burying his face in her hair as he repeated over and over again words of thanks to her. She quickly wrapped her arms around Bucky, so happy that he was not angry with her.
Bucky's arms were gripping Madison so tightly that he was practically shaking, so it was easy to feel when he was loosening the hug making preparations to pull away.
His soft brown hair, fell forward covering parts of his face from Madison's view, but she could tell he was attempting to pull himself together before looking up again. Giving him the time he needed, Madison held his hands in hers, gently running her forefinger along the pulse points of his wrists.
Bucky sighed, closing his eyes, "You don't know what that feels like," he said, shaking his head slightly just enjoying the sensation. Small tingles were traveling up and down his arm everywhere Madison touched him.
"I wanted to give you this," Maddie said softly, drawing Bucky's attention back to her face. "I can't change your arm in reality, obviously," they both laughed, "but anytime you want to feel this again, even if it's just for a short time, please don't hesitate to ask."
The hope that filled Bucky's eyes was almost too much for Madison. True, she didn't know him well, but for the short time she had, she sensed a sadness about him that at least for the time being had been replaced by absolute happiness and bliss.
The sun around them had begun to set, to which Madison found she had to point out to Bucky. "Looks like we might have been here a while."
Bucky looked around him to see the dusk beginning to set in. Beautiful hues of pink, purples, orange yellows, all fading into darker shades of blue until the night began to show small pinpricks of light that developed slowly across the night sky.
He closed his eyes as he could feel the night air settle against his skin, amazed that he could feel so much detail in the moment of someone else's creation.
"I don't know how to leave here." Bucky was afraid if he opened his eyes it would all be a distant memory and he'd be back in Madison's room in the compound, vibranium arm and all. In reality he knew he had to go back. That this wasn't real, but God help him it felt real and he loved every second of it.
"You can come back anytime you want to, I'll be here waiting for you." Leaning in, Madison kissed Bucky's cheek only millimeters from the corner of his mouth. She could feel him turn slightly into her kiss. She only need to move ever so slightly and they would have been sharing their first kiss, but she didn't. Something inside of her wanted their first kiss to be a real one, not one experienced here. Instead she rested her face against his enjoying his scent like freshly mowed grass in spring time. She reached up and tucked his hair gently behind his ear, continuing to play slowly with the ends that sat just above his shoulder against his neck.
"You have to wake up Bucky, they need you," Madison whispered into Bucky's ear.
As Bucky slowly opened his eyes he found himself back in Madison's room in the compound. Night had fallen just as it had in the dream space. The monitor beside her bed slowly read off the beat, beat, beat of her heart's rhythm. Part of him felt empty again as he looked down at the black and gold lined vibranium arm that had been gifted to him by the people of Wakanda. That might have crushed him had he not felt the gentle squeeze of his right hand by Madison.
Looking up he watched as Madison's eyes fluttered as though fighting sleep. Leaning down Bucky whispered to her, "I'll be here when you want to join me," as he gently kissed her cheek.
Wanda had sat there watching the exchange between Bucky and Madison as he had entered into her dream reality. Both seemed so happy that she felt like she was intruding on a very personal and private moment, so she slipped quietly out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Leaning against the door she couldn't help the smile that was on her face. Seeing things like that always did something to her heart. Happiness should be felt by everyone at least at some point in their lives and James Barnes was finally feeling some pure bliss. It was like it radiated off of the room, she could practically feel it pulsating from behind the closed door.
Pushing off from her position she headed towards the kitchen area. Vision was expected home soon and although he himself didn't eat, he did enjoy sitting with her as she ate so they could share how their days had gone. The giddiness practically had her skipping down the hallway as she entered the kitchen to which everyone took notice of her infectious happiness.
"And just what has put the spring in your step little miss sunshine and rainbows," Natasha asked from her place on the couch. Everyone present smiled at Nat's playful jab. Sometimes Wanda's happiness did seem to pick everyone's spirits up just by being around her.
"Our very own James is testing out the dream connection with Madison right now and let's just say that that spring is not the only thing in the air right now." The squeal of delight should have been annoying but most found it funny.
Reaching for a sauce pan, Wanda ran some water to boil a piece of chicken for the dish she wanted to make for supper.
"You mean the ole tin man is falling in love?" Clint laughed. "And with your daughter," he said with a smirk as he pointed at Nat who sat across from him. He ducked just in time to miss the magazine that was tossed at his head, but kept laughing.
"Wait, is that even legal? I mean isn't Mr. Barnes kinda….old for her," Peter stammered out. He always tried his hardest not to get on the bad side of one James Buchanan Barnes. He had always heard that it was the quiet ones you had to watch out for and Bucky Barnes was silent and deadly. Not the type of guy you wanted to get on the bad side of.
"Oh hush yourself," Pepper spoke up, scolding Peter. "He may have been born in 1917, but that doesn't mean that he's actually that old. With all of the time in and out of cyro he's probably only about 8 years older than her actually." Pepper sat silently trying to work out the math in her head.
"Besides, age really is just a number if he has feelings for her," Tony said, causing everyone in the room to fall silent, turning to look at him.
"What? Okay, so I've not always been his biggest fan, but if he's happy perhaps he'll be easier to work with in the field?"
"That's my man," Pepper said, shaking her head as she smiled. "Tony Stark, ladies and gentlemen, a true Cupid if there ever was one." Pepper just laughed. That was Tony for ya, he never took any situation on face value, it always had to have a double value or else it wasn't worth the time and effort.
"Question is, what does mom and dad thing about their little girl's heart going all pitter-patter for Mr. Barnes?" Tony looked back and forth between Natasha and Steve looking to see if either would answer.
Steve was the first to give in and admit that Bucky was his best friend and a good man. If that meant that he found love, even if it was technically his daughter, then he'd not stand in the way of someone finding happiness. That only left Nat's reaction everyone sat anticipating.
"With all the hell that man's been through, how could I ever stand in his way," Nat said, as she looked down twirling the rings on her hand. "When you find love, true love that is a rare gift." Looking up she looked at Steve and gave him a comforting smile acknowledging the elephant in the room between them. Steve Rogers was Natasha's best friend next to Clint Barton and she couldn't imagine a better man to be the father of her 'technical' child. But deep down she knew that his heart would always remain with Peggy.
After Steve and Nat's declaration and approval of Barnes's feelings towards Madison everyone slowly returned to what they had been doing. Tony and Pepper were going over digital blueprints for a new building they wanted to start work on, Peter was attempting to teach Steve how to play the latest Call of Duty game, Nat and Clint both returned to their individual magazines they had previously been reading, all while Wanda finished up the preparations for her supper.
With everyone in their own little worlds no one paid much attention when Vision suddenly floated through the compound walls and came to a stop beside Wanda.
"Viz, I thought we agreed that you were going to start using the door like the rest of us," Wanda scolded.
"I am sorry," Vision said rather matter-of-factly, "sometimes it is just quicker to do it my way."
He wrapped his arm around Wanda's shoulders and pulled her close to him as she smiled and cuddled close.
Tony's anticipation could only be put off but so long before he had to jump in, "so what did the Secretary want from you exactly?"
Vision was used to Mr. Stark's abruptness from time-to-time so he was not off-put by his direct questioning. Coming around the kitchen island he pulled a chair out to sit and watch as Wanda finalized her meal before attempting to answer Tony's question.
"Apparently he's gotten word that we have a visitor?" That suddenly got everyone's attention. "Is there someone here that I was not aware of," he asked, looking to Wanda for an explanation.
"It's a rather long story," she responded choosing to show him the day's events instead of trying to explain them all. Watching Vision accept the information from Wanda was what you would imagine it would look like for a computer to receive a massive download of information. His eyes fluttered as she showed him everything from Fury's visit, the TVA agent, the dream state connection, everything. It only took a couple of minutes to which after Vision opened his eyes and rather sarcastically and very humanly said, "My, you all have been busy today haven't you?"
"To say the very least," came the rarely sarcastic voice of one Steve Rogers. "So what did the secretary say?"
"He wants you to bring her to the State Department tomorrow for a debriefing."
"Over my dead body. She's not going anywhere," Steve's voice was stern in his declaration as he quickly rose from his seat on the floor next to Peter. No one even breathed a word in disagreement. Madison physically wasn't able to be moved much less questioned. And no one was willing to take on Steve Rogers in an attempt to change his mind.
Several moments passed as no one else spoke, unsure of what the next step was to be. Perhaps their only saving grace was the sound of two heavily booted feet that were making their way down the hall from the dorm area.
Closer and closer it got, everyone's attention turned to the hallway that would lead him directly to them. Suddenly the sound stopped as Bucky had apparently stopped just outside of the kitchen area.
Bucky couldn't help stopping outside of the kitchen. He knew he had to join everyone if for no other reason than to be social, but he was also certain they would have questions about his dream connection with Madison.
His metal fingers flexed slowly as he remembered how real it had felt just a few moments ago to have his hand again. How did someone explain that feeling to another that could never experience that kind of trauma?
Sam called it phantom limb syndrome, apparently amputees sometimes experienced tingling and other feelings in the area where a missing limb once was. With the right kind of therapy an amputee could learn to cope with the feelings. Bucky had never been given the advantage of therapy over the years under HYDRA's control, and now it just seemed as though so much time had passed it would be a waste. But experiencing it, the feelings and sensations that seemed to set every nerve in his hand alive in the most wonderful way, no one would be able to understand that. So Bucky resolved to keep that bit of information to himself, at least for the time being.
Walking forward he caught the tail end of Visions question to Steve regarding what to do when the Secretary didn't take no for an answer regarding delivering Madison to the State Department.
"You send him to me and I'll make sure he gets the message that she's not going anywhere with anyone." Bucky could feel his chest get tighter as he moved into the group.
"Easy Buck," Clint said, motioning for Bucky to remain calm. "No one is going to be taking Madison anywhere, we won't let them."
Over the past several months that Bucky and Clint had been working together on missions, Clint had found himself taking a liking to the man. In a lot of ways Barnes was like him, trying to find a way to fit in among superheroes when you had little "extra special" about yourself. Sure Bucky had the metal arm like Clint had his bow and arrow, but beyond that there really wasn't a lot more. Even Bucky's super soldier serum wasn't the same as Steve's and so he took slightly longer to heal, he was very fast, but not quite as fast as Steve, things like that….so you could see Bucky always trying to match up or be worthy of being compared to Captain America knowing that he'd fall slightly short. Plus there was the whole Winter Soldier thing.
"How did it go?" Wanda broke the tension in the room by trying to change the subject to something more cheerful. She looked to Bucky with a huge smile on her face that melted his sour mood fairly quickly.
Bucky tried to relax his shoulders as he walked over the kitchen island and sat in the seat next to Vision, accepting the glass of juice that Wanda had passed him. He took a big gulp before answering. He knew he could tell Wanda, maybe even Steve or Sam later about his entire experience, but for right now he didn't really want to share all of the details. They just felt too personal.
"It was nice, really nice," Bucky said, smiling back at Wanda. Turning around in his seat he found Tony across the room before saying, "I think she might wake up soon."
Tony looked up from what he was doing with the schematics with Pepper's building to listen to Barnes. "Her eyes flutter a lot like she's dreaming rather than unconscious." Reaching over to his tablet, Tony pulled up Madison's current vitals to show that she was in fact in active REM sleep rather than sedated.
"You're right," Tony said to which Pepper couldn't help but throw out a sarcastic gasp of surprise. "You said someone else was right." She clutched at her chest as though startled beyond words.
"Oh I so want to take it back now," Tony laughed at Pepper's theatrics.
"No, no, you can't take it back. You said James was right and you can't take it back. It's out there for the world to hear." Pepper moved to dodge out of reach of Tony's playful hands.
Walking over to James she patted his shoulder and laughed as she said, "Enjoy it while it lasts, he may never confess to it again." Bucky just smiled always appreciating Pepper's friendliness.
"Perhaps by tomorrow she'll be healed enough for us to try waking her up to see what's going on with her. In the meantime," Standing Tony moved to his computer before screen casting what looked to be a digital phone call on to the TV screen in the main room.
Only a few rings sounded before the smiling face of Shuri filled the screen. "Well if this isn't a pleasant surprise. To what do I owe this great pleasure my friends? Sargent Barnes." Shuri smiled at her friend and offered to him the signal of friendship from her country by crossing her arms over her chest and slightly dipping her head in acknowledgement. "It is good to see you again."
"You too Shuri," Bucky said, offering the same greeting in return to her. Wakanda had been a wonderful time of peace for him after they had successfully removed the Winter Soldier activation words from his mind. He and Shuri had become fast friends and he missed the people there, especially the children that liked to hear the stories from the "White Wolf" of the 1940's and battling the Nazis.
Tony resumed speaking after the friends had finished their greetings. "Shuri, is it possible that we could speak to both you and T'Challa? We have some rather important news that you both should hear."
"Of course," Shuri said removing one of the beads from her wrist and holding it in the palm of her hand to show a small communicator display screen. She spoke quickly to T'Challa who said he would be right down.
"By the looks of all of your faces, this isn't going to be a pleasant call," Shuri said, picking up on the vibe of the room.
"To say the least," Tony stated rather somberly.