Disclaimer: I own everything and everything.
§Parseltongue§
In the five years that I had been at Kleo's side, Vernon tried desperately to keep his sister Marge from visiting Number Four Privet Drive. Making up wild excuses like 'I'm sorry Marge, but our house is being fumigated for cockroaches' or 'I'm sorry Marge, but we currently have an infestation of Norway rats.'
Marge Dursley appeared to accept these excuses until two days before Kleo's thirteenth birthday when from what I heard, she told Vernon to stop being such a 'gormless tosser' and let her see 'Little Diddykins' whatever the hell that was. In preparation for her arrival, I made the front lawn's grass grow tall enough to block the first-floor windows and put magenta hair dye in Vernon's mustache oil.
"Marge is coming?" Kleo asked bluntly.
Vernon puffed himself up, magenta-tinged mustache bristling, "Show more respect-"
He was cut off when I slithered over and bit him without injecting any venom. The beefy fellow jumped so high he hit his head on the ceiling, leaving a dent in the plaster.
I let out a hissing chuckle. This would be fun.
/ / / / / / / /
Kleo gritted her teeth as Vernon belittled James and Lily Potter.
"Car crash?" Marge hiccuped, "Drunk, I expect."
Vernon nodded, "Yes." Kleo's eye began to develop a twitch.
It was then that I realized this night would not end well, for the Dursleys, Kleo and I would be fine of course. If there was one thing I learned in the five years I had been by her side it was that she had a bit of a temper, one that would flare up when someone cast her parents in a bad light.
"Couple of no good drunks had to get themselves killed and leave her," Marge spat, gesturing at Kleo, "With a couple of good hard-working people like yoursel-"
Kleo stood up, I could practically envision the pure crimson she was seeing, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" A long bone-white wand slid into her hand, and with a flick, she screamed, "Collucare!"
A jet of sickly yellow light flew from her wand and struck the beefy woman, opening several deep slashes in her neck. Blood sprayed out coating Kleo in a layer of crimson.
Vernon let loose an animalistic scream and lunged at Kleo, "Pellurus!" The Girl-Who-Lived hissed, sending the beefy man and Marge's dog flying through the wall and into the sitting room where they lay crumpled in a heap.
"§Quickly!§" I hissed, "§Remove any memories of Marge Dursley and banish her corpse!§"
"Obliviate!" Kleo said, flicking her wand at Petunia and Dudley who sat frozen to the spot, "Mguln."
The corpse of Marge and the pool of blood it lay in vanished. In the sitting room, Vernon groaned blood dripping from a small cut on the back of his head, "Obliviate!" Kleo hissed, jabbing her wand at Vernon, then at the demolished wall, "Reparo!"
The wall repaired itself with a swirl of plaster and white dust, "§Your trunk is packed, I think it best if we skedaddle.§" I hissed.
Kleo breathed heavily, gazing at the spot where Marge's corpse once sat with a mix of shock and a sort of detached calm, "§But where will we go?§" She asked.
"§We'll stay with Tacita,§" I responded. Kleo gave a curt nod.
Several minutes later, Kleo stood in her room, trunk and Hedwig's cage in hand.
"§Hang on, my dear,§" I hissed and we disappeared from Privet Drive.
We materialized at the end of Malfoy Manor's long drive, it was raining and thunder rumbled every few minutes. Kleo, who was now cold, wet, and still covered in quite a bit of blood, trodded up the gravel path, lighting illuminating her as it flashed in the sky.
Grabbing hold of the tongue-shaped door knocker which was attached to a small metal decoration fashioned in the shape of a skull. She knocked three times, on the third Dobby answered, the little elf's eyes widened, he seemed to be too shocked to speak.
"Dobby? Who is it?" Lucius came in to view behind the House Elf.
"It's me, Mr. Malfoy," Kleo said her tone calm, probably in shock, it was understandable, she had just murdered someone minutes before. First murders were oh so hard on non-sociopathic mortals.
The Malfoy patriarch's eyes widened marginally, "Oh, what are you doing here, Miss Potter? Is that blood?"
Kleo looked him straight in the eye and said, "I killed my muggle Uncle's sister."
Lucius froze, "Well, I think you better come in." He said in a very forced calm.
She nodded, walking into the large gothic-style manor. Narcissa took that moment to appear from the nearby sitting room.
"Who is it, Lucius?" The Malfoy matriarch asked.
Lucius smiled in a forced manner, "It's Kleodora Potter." He turned to his House Elf, "Dobby! Run a bath!"
The elf seemed to snap out of its shock, it nodded and popped away.
/ / / / / / / /
Lord Lucius Malfoy the Second pinched the bridge of his nose in a futile attempt to stave off a stress headache. He slumped into an elegant armchair, kicking his feet up on an equally elegant ottoman.
"Lucius?" Narcissa Malfoy who had just entered the library, asked, "Why exactly is Kleodora Potter here?"
He sighed in response, "Apparently, she killed a muggle! First, it was your sisters and Sirius Black both escaping from Azkaban two weeks apart! Now it's this!"
"Killed a muggle?" Narcissa repeated, her voice hoarse, "Are you going to turn her in?"
"Yes, Lucius," Spoke a very familiar voice, "Are you going to turn Kleo in?"
The Malfoy patriarch froze, "You." Lucius turned and there he was, in the same Elizabethan robes, with the same unnerving smile plastered on his pale face.
"Yes, me," Said Paimon.
"Who are you?" Narcissa asked, wand sliding into her hand only to disappear.
"Lovey, this is Paimon Swargud," Lucius spoke, "Kleodora Potter's legal guardian."
"Done your research, eh, Lucius?" Paimon said, his boots clicking against Malfoy Manor's wood flooring, "But anyway, do you know I can make your life very difficult."
"I know, Paimon," Lucius said, "You-"
"No, you don't!" Paimon shouted, smoke and embers beginning to rise from his mouth, "Did you know a blocked ley line can cause an explosion equal to that of a muggle bomb? Or that the goblins still want the Gray Fox's head on a pike and would pay anything and I mean anything for the name of his great-great-grandson."
Lucius paled, "What do you want from me?"
"Just don't do anything to harm or inadvertently harm Kleodora Lily Potter," Paimon said, a very unnerving smile growing across his face, "And we'll get along very nicely."
"But what about the muggle she killed?" Lucius asked.
"All taken care of, my good man," Paimon spoke, "Vernon, Dudley, and Petunia Dursley no longer remember they had a sister, aunt, or sister-in-law. No evidence of the murder even exists."
"And the trace?" Lucius asked incredulously.
"Why, Lucius!" Paimon said, throwing Narcissa's wand up in the air and catching it over and over again, "She didn't get her wand from Ollivanders or any human, thus it has no trace. But enough of that, things to do and such, so bye Lucius, Narcissa."
Paimon tipped a nonexistent hat to the Malfoys before fading away.
"What was that?" Narcissa asked.
Lucius sighed, "A Daemon, Lovey, that was a Daemon."
/ / / / / / / /
"So, Kleo," Tacita said in an awkward manner, "What electives are you to taking?"
The Girl-Who-Lived paused momentarily in brushing her long red hair, "Ancient Runes and Care of Magical Creatures."
I sighed, it had been three weeks since my charge had murdered Marge Dursley in not-so-cold blood and she was still upset! I thought I had taught her better than this, I mean why feel guilty or bad about it when you can never be held accountable? Well, by the third she would probably be numb to the act, so that's good, I guess.
"I'm taking those and Divination," Tacita spoke, "Avery told me the latter is an easy 'Outstanding.'"
Kleo nodded, "Xenophon said that the classroom is so full of incense that it could be mistaken for fog. And that the Professor is like a muggle fortune teller."
"How would he know?" Tacita asked, her brow furrowing.
A small smile crossed Kleo's face and she shrugged.
The next day we made our way to platform nine and three quarters. In lieu of our usual fading, we flooed with the Malfoys, it was just as horrible as it was in my previous universe. But enough of that, Claudius! Claudius Malfoy! He looked exactly like Draco Malfoy at age eleven! It was quite creepy.
"§Xen? Who's Sirius Black?§" Kleo asked as she heaved her trunk up onto the luggage rack.
Already? Azathoth's blood, "§No one important, just an escaped convict who's distantly related to you.§"
Crisis averted.
"§Really, 'cause I heard Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy talking about how he was my godfather or something?§" Kleo said.
Crisis not averted. Time for my legendary silver tongue.
"§Malarkey! You had a godmother! And her name was, er, Dorothy Gish! You would have gone to her instead of the Dursleys except she tragically died in nineteen-sixty-eight,§" I said.
"§But that doesn't make any sense,§" Kleo spoke, "§I was born in nineteen-eighty.§"
"§Well, it should,§" I replied.
Kleo rolled her eyes.
"What are you two talking about?" Tacita asked, placing her eagle owl Moloch's cage on the compartment seat.
The Girl-Who-Lived kicked her feet up on the opposite seat, "Sirius Black."
Tacita went slightly green, "Why?"
"He says a woman named Dorothy Gish was my godmother, but I heard your parents talking about how Sirius Black is my godfather," Kleo responded.
"Dorothy Gish? Never heard of her," Tacita said.
"Me neither!" Kleo giggled.
Several hours later the Dementors finally arrived and immediately ran for the hills when I flared my aura, turning a few into piles of revolting twitching flesh. Nothing really happened afterwards, the half-Jotun was announced as Care of Magical Creatures professor and Dumbledore gave a speech about the importance of something or the other. This was really starting to become a chore, a necessary chore but a chore nonetheless. But there would be the boggart! I was quite excited to see what Kleo's greatest fear was, and this time Hogwarts' resident second founder of Rome definitely wouldn't be interfering.
/ / / / / / / /
Him! He was her greatest fear?! The crocodile-like eyeless head of my idiot brother morphed into some sort of multicolored house-cat look alike as Kleo cast 'riddikulus.' His clawed serpentine tentacles grasped at a now idiotic-looking head.
"§Uh, my dear?§" I hissed, "§What is this creature?§"
Lupin turned white as Kleo replied, "§I-I, um, have dreams about it sometimes.§"
That piece of azbthnkor was running amok in my charge's dreams! Oh ho, I had let the Darkness get away with a lot in our day, like that time he tried to get into a fistfight with Yog at a party, but this time he had gone too far! Stupid bastard.
That night, whilst Kleo was sleeping, I shifted into my Dark Pharaoh avatar and created a shadow door to father's throne room. Stepping through the black portal, I was immediately met with the sight of the Daemon Sultan, the Master of All Creation and Destruction, the most powerful being in all of reality and non-reality having tea with an eyeless Sirius Black. In the background, Misty lounged on a shadowy settee and predictably, the Darkness sat facing the corner, most likely in time-out.
"What?" I said, wait, that's right! He went through the portal in the Ministry all those years ago!
"Oh, so you finally come back, eh?" Misty snarked.
"Hush, Misty," Azathoth said, "Ny! What a surprise it is to see you!"
"Nyarlathotep is finally here!?" Sirius said excitedly.
I walked over and hit the Darkness over the head, "What are you doing mucking about in Kleodora Potter's dreams!"
The Darkness rubbed his head with a serpentine tentacle, "Whaddya mean, Ny?"
"'Whaddya mean,'" Smacking him across the face, I said, "You, the Darkness, are in some of Kleodora Potter's dreams."
"Kleodora? Is that Harry's daughter?" Sirius asked eagerly.
"Oh, that!" The Darkness said, "My son-in-law is making me spy on her."
I grabbed his snout, "Yog is having you spy on her! Why?!"
"Something about her being the perfect candidate for the Master of Death," The Darkness explained.
I sighed, stroking my osrid, "And why isn't he doing it himself? He's omniscient."
"Too busy," The Darkness replied.
"With what!?" I spoke, "All he does is try to widen the cracks in reality so as to let the other Outer Gods spill into the omniverse!"
"Hey, that's what I said!" The Darkness replied.
I smacked him once again, "You imbecile! Stop spying on my charge!"
"Wait, wait, wait wait," Sirius said, standing up, "Your charge, what about Harry?"
I whirled on the now-immortal ex-convict, "Kleodora Potter is Harry Potter."
Sirius went a bit green, "Harry did the gender-changing ritual?"
"Of course he did."
"He ate a human liver!" Sirius shouted.
"Stop screwing around, Ny," Azathoth groaned, "Tell him about the omniverse."
I conjured an Imperium Jupiter No. 5, "Yes, father. You see, Sirius, most of reality is made up of an area known as the omniverse, which consists of all universes, timelines, everything. Some of these universes are loosely linked by threads, basically similar and or identical elements, in what's called a multiverse. Kleodora Potter is from a universe that is linked to yours by these threads, she's a female version of Harry."
Sirius let out a sigh of relief, "So what happened to my universe's Harry."
"Really?" I said, "You're taking this with a lot less shock than I expected."
Sirius gestured all around him, "It comes with spending the last few years with these three."
"It's been more than a few years my fine ex-con," I spoke almost automatically.
Said ex-convict went the color of sour buttermilk, "H-How long has it been since I went through the veil?"
I waved dismissively, "Few hundred millennia."
"What!" Sirius shouted, "Wait-huh?"
"Yep," I said, popping the 'p.'
"How am I not dead?" Sirius asked, "And if there are a bunch of other universes related to mine, then why am I the only Sirius Black here?"
"Father designed the omniverse to be self-sustaining, for every universe that experiences a Big Crunch another completely identical one appears in a Big Bang," I responded, "I'm afraid you'll have to wait anywhere between two years and over a billion years for another you to show up. Congratulations, you are historically the first Sirius Black to enter the throneroom of Azathoth, and just to let you know, while here you are immortal."
"Oh," Sirius said, his posture drooping, "So Harry's dead then?"
I shook my head, "Not exactly."
"Huh?" The ex-con asked.
This was going to require some explaining, and possibly a lot of calming spells.
/ / / / / / / /
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Fogerty Dumbledore hated The Plan™ at times like this.
"I just don't understand it, Dumbledore," The Minister of Magic Cornelius Oswald Fudge said, "What could've caused the Dementors to all return to Azkaban and cower in the basement?"
"The wards around Hogwarts are old and can be very dangerous to dark creatures," Dumbledore responded, beginning to spin another not-so-intricate lie.
The assembled Professors, minus Lupin who was still acclimating to the rampant lies and overall insanity perpetrated by the aged Headmaster, rolled their eyes nearly simultaneously.
"Yes, Fudge, the wards are most likely what drove them off," Dumbledore said, "Definitely not the unexplainable surge of eldritch energy our dark detectors picked up around the time that the Dementors left."
Lupin's eyes widened and he slowly turned towards Snape, who gave him a look that said 'you will greatly regret taking this job.'
Fudge rubbed his forehead, "That makes sense, I guess. Wait, what did you say about a surge of eldritch energy?"
"I never said anything of the sort!" Dumbledore replied, "You really must get your hearing checked, Minister. In fact, I can recommend you a fine healer-"
"No, that's fine, Dumbledore," Fudge said, quickly making his escape.
Yes, all was well with The Plan™ of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Fogerty Dumbledore.
/ / / / / / / /
The next day at lunch Tacita with a sour look on her face slumped into the bench aside Kleo.
"I should have listened to your snake," She groaned, putting a curried egg sandwich on her plate.
"Divination didn't go very well?" Kleo asked, taking a bite of mash.
Tacita shook her head.
"At least we have Care of Magical Creatures after lunch," Kleo spoke.
"Why is our first class today instead of the second?" Tacita whined.
"§Because the half-Jotun was off in the states acquiring the subject of this lesson,§" I hissed.
Kleo nodded, "Xen says that the Professor was in the states."
Tacita groaned in response.
"Headache from the incense?" Kleo asked.
Tacita groaned.
After lunch the class made their way out onto the Hogwarts grounds, the air was crisp and tinged with the smell of pine. As the Gryffindor and Slytherin students reached the half-Jotun's hut, a terrible snarling reached their ears. A green-furred horned creature the size of a large Great Dane thrashed wildly against a set of thick iron chains. The Hodag's crimson eyes immediately zeroed in on the group of students and it began to struggle ever harder, wicked claws leaving deep gashes in the soft earth. Was everyone besides Kleo and the Malfoys an idiot in this universe?"
"Hodag!" The half-Jotun said, appearing out of nowhere, "Beau'iful, ain' he!"
There were murmurs of, well, something, throughout the group.
"§Grand, just grand,§" I hissed, beginning to pump venom into my fangs in preparation.
"Don' yeh worry, now," Hagrid spoke, "Those chains are magically strengthened, he won' be gettin' out any time soon."
Oh ho, I highly doubted that, those chains appeared to have been magickally jerry-rigged into becoming only slightly stronger than regular iron. It was a miracle that they had held up against the creature.
The class cautiously approached the fenced-in area the Hodag was imprisoned in. I began to tense in preparation for leaping out of Kleo's sleeve.
As I and possibly a few other people predicted, the chains holding the Hodag snapped and the creature hurtled forward, straight at Tacita, crap. Its claws shined, the sun glinting off the steel-like talons, but before they could touch the Malfoy heiress' pale flesh, Kleo leapt out, pushing Tacita to the ground. Instantly, crimson blood splattered the cool earth and I shot out of the Girl-Who-Lived's sleeve, sinking my fangs into the creature's neck.
A round of screams and shouting started up after this sequence of events, the Hodag thrashed around for a good second, trying to dislodge me. But with the amount of venom I injected into it, the creature was dead in seconds, leaving Kleo bleeding from the mangled mess that was once her left arm and Tacita sitting, staring at her in horrified shock.
Crap, crap, crap! I slithered over and prodded at the limp arm, fuck! Bad news, she was going to lose the arm. Good news, I could make her a fully functioning magickal prosthesis, one that would be much, much better than her old fleshly arm.
A panicking half-Jotun gathered Kleo up, paying no attention to my hissing as he left without me. I eventually gave up on chasing down the great lump and made my way over to a still-frozen Tacita. This was officially my second failure as a bodyguard, the first being when I ended up killing Sargon of Akkad, the guy was a dickweed.
/ / / / / / / /
"Stop following me!" Sirius Orion Black, escaped prisoner extraordinaire, shouted.
"Come on cousin," Andromeda Druella Black said, "Are you really just going to cast two vulnerable women into the cold?"
Sirius snorted, "Vulnerable? You two harpies killed Edgar Bones! Now stop following me!"
"We killed him using our wands!" Bellatrix Druella Black spoke, "But unless your memory is failing, cousin, you should remember that they were snapped at the end of our trials."
"Stop saying that!" Sirius groaned, rubbing his forehead, "I'm starting to think that both of your memories are failing! Because if I remember correctly, you two robbed three people and took their wands several days after meeting up with me! Now begone! Leave me alone! Gå din väg! I'm a Gryffindor mudblood-loving blood-traitor, remember!"
"No need for such foul language, cousin," Andromeda responded.
"I fully agree, Dromeda," Bellatrix said, "That word is most definitely not something that should be uttered by the Lord of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black in such circumstances."
Said Lord made an odd, almost dog-like sound, "Just stop following me, it won't help my image to be seen with you two."
It was then that a quiet gasp, only audible to Sirius' enhanced hearing came from somewhere outside the alleyway the three escaped convicts. The animagus sighed.
"See, now someone's seen us," He said, dragging a hand over his face. Sirius made a dash for the alley's entrance, quickly morphing into a large black wolfdog as he did so.
/ / / / / / / /
"Why the bloody hell did you allow him to obtain a Hodag!?"
Yes, this was all part of The Plan™, Kleodora Potter would now have a handicap, thus making it easier for Tom to kill her in the final battle. Truly Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Morrison Dumbledore was the most intelligent wizard of all time, he could easily get a magical prosthesis for the Girl-Who-Lived, but only if she requested it, and she knew far too little about the wizarding world to do that.
Yes, it was all going according to The Plan™ of-
"Are you listening to me, Albus!" McGonagall snapped.
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Morrison Dumbledore snapped out of his thoughts, "Why, of course, Minerva!"
"Then you won't mind repeating what I just said," McGonagall gritted out.
"Er," Dumbledore spoke, "You wanted me to reinstate Silvanus as Care of Magical Creatures Professor?"
In the shadows, Snape let out a snort and muttered something along the lines of 'you got lucky old man.'
"Thank you, Albus," McGonagall said, smiling in a way that did not suggest she was at all happy, "Now fire Hagrid!"
"Why should I do that?" Dumbledore asked.
McGonagall snarled, "Because he brought a Hodag into the vicinity of a group of thirteen-year-olds!"
"Minerva," Dumbledore shook his head, "I assure you that the utmost security measures were added for this particular lesson."
"Then why is Kleodora Potter sitting in the hospital wing with only one arm!" McGonagall growled.
"I admit, things did get a little out of hand-" Dumbledore started.
"A little! If Miss Potter hadn't pushed Miss Malfoy out of the way, then she'd be the one in the hospital wing!" McGonagall shouted, "So help me, Albus if you don't fire Hagrid, I will go straight to the Board of Governors! I'm sure Lucius Malfoy will be very interested in this bit of incompetence on your part!"
Ah, The Plan™ had foreseen this possibility, Minerva would not be budging on this issue. Thus The Plan™ had decided that the best course of action would be to fire Hagrid.
Yes, all was well with The Plan™ of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Morrison Dumbledore.
/ / / / / / / /
Kleo idly poked at the by-now healed scar from where Madame Pomphrey transferred flaps of muscle and skin over her stump of an arm. Meanwhile, I lay curled up on her lap, reading the Daily Prophet.
"§Looks like the three Azkaban escapees were spotted in Dufftown yesterday.§" I hissed, turning to the sports section.
My charge's gaze snapped away from her stump, "§Why are you so calm?§"
I glanced at her, "§My dear, why shouldn't I be calm? It isn't like you aren't getting a new arm.§"
"§I for one, am upset that I'll need a new arm in the first place,§" Kleo responded, "§Stupid Hodag venom.§" She added.
"§It'll be better than your old one,§" I spoke, "§Much better.§"
Kleo sighed and went back to poking at her stump.
With a bang, the door to the Hospital Wing slammed open and Boudicca came in, practically dragging a puffy-eyed Tacita along with her. The olive-skinned girl brought Tacita to Kleo's bedside a self-satisfied smirk plastered on her face.
"§Finally,§" I muttered, turning a page in my newspaper.
Kleo smiled, her mood lifting with the arrival of her best friend.
Tacita shifted from one foot to another awkwardly, "Thank you." She said, not meeting Kleo's eyes.
The Girl-Who-Lived shrugged, waving her stump, "It was nothing."
"It wasn't nothing!" Tacita burst out, "You-you lost your arm!" Tears sprung to her eyes, "A-And it's all my fault."
Kleo reached out, wrapping her arm around the Malfoy heiress' shaking shoulders, "Oh, Tacita, it's okay, it wasn't your fault." She soothed, rubbing circles into the blonde-haired girl's back.
"It was!" Tacita sobbed, burying her head into the crook of Kleo's neck.
"Oh, Tacita," Kleo said, "It's not like I won't be getting a new arm."
I mentally rolled my eyes at her repetition of my earlier point.
"It is not your fault that Dumbledore is incompetent," Kleo soothed, "This whole thing is his fault not yours."
Tacita's sobs stopped momentarily as she let out a small giggle at Kleo insulting the aged Headmaster.
"And Xen says he can get me a new arm!" Kleo spoke.
Boudicca's brows furrowed, "How could your snake obtain a prosthesis?"
"§Like this,§" I hissed.
Out of thin air appeared an onyx-colored prosthetic arm, it was an odd-looking thing, inscribed with a myriad of runes. The prosthesis contained bronze gears that along with magick allowed it to move as realistically as a flesh arm would. In terms of weaponry, it had four fingers that resembled an owl's talons and an enchanted blade that could extend from a sheath with a mere thought.
Boudicca's eyes widened, nearly leaping backwards in surprise.
"That's how," Kleo said, nonchalantly attaching the vicious-looking prosthesis to her stump.
With her new arm attached, the Girl-Who-Lived pulled Tacita into a full hug.
I turned back to the front page, "'§A muggle woman named Rita Fairbanks reportedly spotted Sirius and Andromeda Black along with Bellatrix Lestrange skulking in an alleyway, having what looked like an argument. Witch Watchers were immediately on the scene, however by that time the three convicts had escaped.§'"
"An argument?" Kleo spoke.
"§Looks like the three musketeers aren't that closely knit,§" I responded, turning to the entertainment section.
"You learn something new every day," Kleo muttered.
/ / / / / / / /
"And who exactly is Paimon Swargud, Miss Potter?" Snape drawled.
"He's my legal guardian, Professor Snape," Kleo answered, causing Tacita to shoot her a confused look.
Snape frowned, "Run along." He said, sweeping over to the next couple of students.
Kleo pulled her cloak tighter against the chilly air, making her way from the courtyard.
"What was that?" Tacita asked, trudging alongside Kleo, "I thought you lived with your muggle relatives?"
Kleo glanced at her, "I do, but Xen says my legal guardian is a wizard named Paimon Swargud."
"How would Xenophon know?" Tacita spoke, "He's a snake, not a normal one mind you, but a snake nonetheless."
"Dunno," Kleo responded, "Maybe he's some sort of primordial deity that's taken the form of a snake."
I let out a hissing chuckle.
Tacita eyed the spot where I was curled around Kleo's waist suspiciously before shaking her head as if to banish a thought from her mind.
It was one hell of a walk to Hogsmeade, I had nearly forgotten how insane it was, the village was on the other side of the Black Lake! At least the trek paid off, for Kleo and Tacita, I was despairing over the fact that it would possibly be another few years before Hogan's Heroes became part of my routine again. My precious Hogan's Heroes, how I missed thee.
But enough pity-partying, for it was times like this that I did what I do best, plan the downfall of my enemies. I had already started circulating rumors that Dumbledore gambled away all his money and now lived out of his office, however, I believed I could do more than that to destroy the man's reputation, maybe I could break the news of Grindelwald's survival to a select few influential people, wait, was the ex-Dark Lord even alive in this universe? I'd have to check that later. The matter of Umbridge was something I would have to resolve quickly. The woman was so ripe for torment, but alas could become a thorn in my side if left to her own devices. How to dispose of her? Ah, vengeful werewolf, yes, it was perfect, all I'd have to do is murder her in a brutal fashion then set up a fall guy to take the blame. Mr. Greyback would do nicely for that role.
Nineteen-ninety-four would be the first part of the Triwizard Tournament, it was an event Kleo absolutely had to get entered into. For I desperately wanted to speak with Voldemort, I needed to find out whether or not he was the same as he was during my time as Harry Potter. It would be my only chance to do that, as the diary I procured in the Chamber of Secrets refused to answer any of my questions, possibly out of fear. If this meeting were to happen, I'd have to find the bodyless Dark Lord and transport Pettegrew to him, now as to why didn't just talk to Voldemort's wraith, well, I learned my lesson to not speak with those things, they're just really really pissed off all the time, mostly because they wish they're alive or even dead and not something only one step above a ghost. I just didn't have the patience to argue with one of them again.
"So these are your aunts," Kleo said gazing at two of the three wanted posters stuck to the side of a building, with a glint of mischief in her eyes, she smirked, "I can see the resemblance."
Tacita swatted at her shoulder, "Shush! I look nothing like them!"
"No, no, you definitely do," Kleo spoke, grinning mischievously, "The shape of your eyes, nose, and jaw are all quite similar to your mother's and theirs. You better watch out, Tacita, if you ever dye your hair brown you may just be mistaken for one of them."
The Malfoy heiress stuck her tongue out at Kleo in response.
Hogsmeade was not a very interesting place to me, there was barely anything to do. It felt as if there were only four stand-out places in the little village, those being Honeydukes, the Three Broomsticks, Zonko's, and the Hog's Head. At least it was fun for Kleo and Tacita, they deserved a break after the Hodag incident.
/ / / / / / / /
Just as in the old universe, Sirius Black, this time two companions, broke into the castle that night and slashed the Gryffindor portrait. Due to this, many of the students and most of the teachers came to believe that the convict thought Kleo was a Gryffindor. I, however, knew better, this universe's Sirius Black was trying to get Pettegrew, what I didn't understand, is why his cousins were with him. From what I gathered, Tommy-Boy had named the sisters 'Principes de Caedes' or 'Chiefs of Bloodshed' early on in the First Wizarding War, trust Voldemort to come up with a title that is both campy and useless-sounding. Anyway, the two went on to savagely murder quite a few people under that title, becoming a symbol of the Death Eater organization's sheer ruthless brutality. So why the hell were they tagging along with their blood-traitor cousin? Well, it was just another thing to add to my list of aspects that make the universe I found myself in extremely odd.
It was two months after Halloween that I finally located the, well, locating spell on a piece of paper taped to a page in my grimoire. Why it wasn't written down on said page, who knows, but the point is that I could find out where in the world Voldemort was. On the night of January sixth, I shifted into a form that appeared to be made of shadow and faded from the Slytherin Third-year girls dormitory, reappearing next to Ranald Weasley's bed in the Gryffindor Third-year boys dormitory, I seeped like smoke through the gap in the curtains and grabbed ahold of a sleeping Pettegrew. Quickly, I conjured a savaged copy of the Death Eater's rat form and placed it on the dormitory floor. I once again faded out of existence and reappeared in an abandoned fishing shack on the shore of Lake Superior.
"Hey! Dark Dickweed! You're a little bitch ain'tcha!" I shouted, forcibly turning Pettegrew back to his human form before disappearing as a head-shaped cloud of smoke flew from one of the shack's broken windows.
/ / / / / / / /
Not much happened after I brought Pettegrew to Smokey the Wraith, well, except for the very public shouting match that erupted between the Anti-Hermione and Ran as a result of the 'corpse' the latter woke up to that morning. Oh, and the little incident involving Sirius Black once again breaking into Hogwarts in search of Pettegrew, twas truly a grand moment, something I believe we all learned something from. Like not to write down your portrait's password and most definitely not to brag about 'escaping' from an emaciated wandless convict because you may find yourself on the receiving end of a very nasty shingles hex if you do.
Four months after Sirius Black's second break-in, it was finally time to return to the idiots and Kleo was nervous, understandable, she had murdered Vernon's sister in August. I only hoped that what I had in store for the Dursleys would help her forget that little occurrence, but sadly there are some things mortals can never go back from. Come to think of it, Hemione was the same, she was devastated after our little jaunt into the Department of Mysteries, and would go on to stew in a pot of bitter guilt and depression for the rest of nineteen-ninety-six and the first part of nineteen-ninety-seven. She started to obsess over the phenomena of death, speaking to every ghost she could, ordering books on a myriad of subjects, philosophy, religion, anything that could give her information on what people thought happened after death. It wasn't until the dam broke and she finally asked me to help her become a lich that she got answers beyond speculation. Though I think Kleo was slightly different, she didn't feel guilty, remorseful, or any other trivialities, for her it was more a feeling of shock at doing the deed or possibly even that she was able to do the deed so easily.
I was brought out of my contemplation when Tacita, who sat across from Kleo reading the Daily Prophet, gasped.
"What is it?" Kleo asked, looking up from my grimoire.
Tacita quickly flipped the newspaper around to show Kleo the headlines.
Senior Undersecretary Found Dead!
Fenrir Greyback Captured, Admits to Murdering Delores Umbridge!
Ah, that. Umbridge's death wasn't my best work, Rogran could've done a much better job, but at least it made a splash.
Kleo looked at Tacita with a raised brow.
"Oh, muggle-raised, yes," Tacita said, a blush spreading across her pale cheeks, "Fenrir Greyback is a notorious werewolf, it's just shocking that he was caught, let alone that he would admit to murdering a Ministry official."
I tuned the rest of their conversation out. Yes, the stage was finally set, and all that was left is to wait for the actors to prepare themselves.
Please Stay Tuned for the Next Action Chapter of A Snake Called Nyarlathotep!
AN: Please review, tell me how ya like it!