"I know we're not everlasting,
We're trainwrecks waiting to happen,
One day the blood won't flow so gladly,
One day we'll all get still."
-A World Alone, Lorde
From mundane and monotonous, these past few days have gradually become easier for him to get through. It was more bearable, to say the least. He didn't dare ask himself why though, perhaps the answer was right in front of his eyes.
They were studying inside the library, seated in two chairs opposite to one another. After being his close companion for some while, Asano was still baffled on how the former 3-E student was able to concentrate with two earphones plugged in his ears. He would've understood if he was playing classical music of sorts, but from what he can hear from the faint noise leaking from his earbuds, Karma was blasting what seems to be electronic music instead.
He couldn't help but lose concentration, leading him to observe Akabane discreetly while keeping his head down. As usual, his new acquaintance was tapping his fingers to the beat again, his other elbow propped on the table, holding up a pen for him to bite out of mere habit.
Without even noticing it, he was beginning to remember every single detail about him, little by little.
He could see Karma's position shift slightly, making his heart race fairly quick. Was he caught staring at him? He saw him take out one of his earbuds next, he was about to look at him.
Shit.
"So, smart-ass. Do you have a favorite flower?" Karma asked nonchalantly as he twirled the earbud playfully with his index finger like a yo-yo.
Asano swore he felt his stomach flutter for a fleeting moment when Akabane began to speak. Although midway through that dumb question, he couldn't hide the look of disappointment and bewilderment in his face.
But then, he couldn't deny the fact that this was a huge relief on his part.
He furrowed his brows, with a hint of annoyance in his voice, he asked back, "What? Why the hell are you asking me that?"
And of course, if there's anything that described Karma to a great extent, it was this weird randomness, surging at very random times.
"Why wouldn't I?" He retorted back so childishly with that stupid smirk on his face that made Gakushū glare.
"Just answer the damn question." Karma pressed further after a few seconds of dead air.
Asano conceded with a sigh, relaxing his stern expression as he began to ponder on the thought, "Chrysanthemums." He briefly replied, "I think Chrysanthemums are beautiful." He said as an afterthought.
He could see one side of Karma's lips curl up to his answer before placing back the earbud in his ear and minding his own business again.
It was at that moment when Asano was reminded of how Akabane can be so... unpredictable, incalculable to be more precise. As usual, he left the conversation midair like it was nothing to him, but it's not that he was mad about that, no.
He was beginning to know everything about him... but then, he never once understood him.
He hated it.
Now trees have gone skeletal, the pavements gradually turning white. This has been their routine for days on end, studying inside the library after every dismissal, then eating street foods as they walk each other home. Although he never actually knew where Karma lived because his house was nearer than his.
"Why do you drink strawberry milk so much like it's water?" He simply asked, to which he got no reply from the delinquent but a silent shrug.
It's just not... fair, is it? It's not like he was asking sensitive questions, like why the sirens set him off, or why was he hurting himself, or why did he have bruises on his face that day? It was just... a plain question that probably has nothing to do with his personal life. Nonetheless, he let it slide off.
He pondered on how Karma had the guts to tell him to not kill himself that day on the rooftop, when that was what the delinquent himself has been trying to do all along.
He was so deep in his thought that it was late when he realized that they were only one block away from his house. Since then, they never spoke throughout the entire time.
"Well..." he started with a sigh, a mist forming out of his breath due to the cold air, his hands resting in his pockets, "this is my stop."
"It's my favorite," Karma uttered out of the blue as he stared directly into his eyes, it almost felt... piercing.
"What?" was all that came out of Gakushū's mouth.
"I drink strawberry milk like it's water because it's my favorite." He clarified.
Gakushū let out a short, breathy laugh, "That doesn't explain anything."
"Well, at least you got an answer." Karma said as he patted his shoulder and waved goodbye, "See you around, smart-ass."
Now the night is trampled with harsh subzero temperatures, the streets filled with sparkling lights that had every color you could possibly see in the spectrum. This has been Gakushū's routine for days on end, eyeing Karma persistently after they part ways, withstanding the cold until his figure eventually fades.
From mundane and monotonous, these past few days have gradually become easier for him to get through. It was more bearable, to say the least. He didn't dare ask himself why though, perhaps the answer was right in front of his eyes.
They were studying inside the library, seated in two chairs opposite to one another. After being his close companion for some while, Akabane was still baffled on how the former 3-A student was able to get through studying without listening to any music. It must be very boring, aside from the fact that studying alone is very tedious already. To be frank, he found Asano very... robotic. He thought of him as a person with little to no substance at all, studying for the sake of compliance, for the sake of getting high grades, just because his father told him to do so, all because that's what he's been used to. It's as if he was on a leash, and Karma couldn't help but wonder if the boy has ever made a single decision for himself. He just... wanted him to be his own person.
He couldn't help but lose concentration, leading him to observe Asano discreetly as he pretended to write notes on his book. As usual, his new acquaintance had his elbow on the table, resting his cheek on his palm, looking expressionless as usual while he cracked his knuckles and finger joints with one hand out of mere habit.
He was beginning to remember every single detail about him, little by little, and he was well aware of it.
With all honesty, he wanted to know more. He knew there was something more about him, and without even noticing it, from what begun as mere rivalry have now turned into something more... meaningful.
He then took off one of his earbuds, twisting it playfully as he asked him all of a sudden, "So, smart-ass. Do you have a favorite flower?"
For a second, he swore he could almost see the shocked reaction on Asano's face. Was... was there something wrong about the question?
"What? Why the hell are you asking me that?" He asked back with the usual annoyed tone in his voice, why does he always appear to be mad at almost everything in the world?
"Why wouldn't I?" He retorted with a pout so petulant. He hated how the other boy doesn't know how to keep a casual conversation afloat, let alone start one.
Well, he's one to talk.
"Just answer the damn question." Karma urged, to which Asano replied with a sigh as he began to think of an answer.
Karma's lips curled up subtly, he always liked what Asano looked like when he's thinking or when he's in deep thought, although he never knew the reason why.
"Chrysanthemums." Gakushū finally told him. "I think Chrysanthemums are beautiful." He said as an afterthought.
Indeed it was, such a beautiful taste coming from someone who he also considered to be... beautiful.
Without even knowing it, his smile became even more noticeable. It was at this moment when Akabane was reminded about what seems to be his gradual descent into infatuation.
And he lived for every second of it.
Now feathery patterns laced every window there is, the snow looking like tiny crystals slowly drifting in the air, then landing into his palms. This has been their routine for days on end, studying inside the library after every dismissal, then eating street foods as they walk each other home.
"Why do you drink strawberry milk so much like it's water?" He heard him ask.
He could feel his heart pounding wildly against his chest. He knew it was just a simple question, but he wished he could answer that without losing his control, without appearing to be so vulnerable like before.
He wished he could tell him everything.
He took a deep breath to calm himself down, shrugging quietly in response.
Asano walked with him nonetheless. Asano stayed by him nonetheless.
Karma was beginning to know everything about him, but never once he understood how Asano was able to put up with him, how he managed to tolerate him.
The boy never spoke since. There he was again, being so deep in his thought which gave him the free pass to look at him as much as he wanted to.
That until Asano stopped and met his gaze, "Well..." he started, "this is my stop."
Right.
He too was in deep thought that he nearly forgot where they were.
Somehow, he felt guilty. He felt guilty about how Asano was always the one to understand him, how the boy was always the one to adjust. He'll know why... someday, once he's ready.
"It's my favorite." He finally answered.
"What?" Asano asked back with a puzzled look on his face.
"I drink strawberry milk like it's water because it's my favorite." He added.
Gakushū scoffed, finally reminded about how Karma left him hanging a while ago, "That doesn't explain anything."
"Well, at least you got an answer." He walked over to him and patted him on the shoulder before waving goodbye, "See you around, smart-ass."
Now the night is trampled with harsh subzero temperatures, with only but their breaths and the hue of their hair as the remaining few traces of warmth in what seems to be this frigid, and unforgiving world. But that didn't seem to bother him, not one bit. This has been Akabane's routine now for days on end, having something to look forward to every day, eager to wake up the next morning, trying to stay alive... just because of one person.
Before he even knew it, Gakushū was out in the cold again, taking advantage of Gakuhou's busy schedule to work night shift as a junior barista in some distant café.
Karma, on the other hand, stopped in his tracks after walking a few blocks past Gakushū's house. He realized that he forgot to return the notes he borrowed from him. After figuring out that he might need those tonight, he quickly turned around and walked back to him, only to find out that the boy was headed elsewhere.
Without making his presence known, he followed him nonetheless. Minutes later, Karma stayed inside a café opposite to where the other boy was working. He didn't know what made him do it. He knew it was none of his business to know about Asano's whereabouts, he knew it all felt wrong no matter how hard he tried to justify it. But then... but then... No. He couldn't think of a logical excuse for it, it's as if his own body was wired to move on its own without him thinking.
He stayed, seated by the window, listening to some music as he studied to pass some time. He typed in what Gakushū recommended to him on the song search bar, trying to pronounce the title as he tapped on his phone's keyboard, "Nocturne... Op. 9, No. 2... Chopin."
"What a dork..." he thought to himself, before pressing play.
Now he eyed the barista from the other side of the road, finally understanding the boy's fondness for classical music.
"Can I help you with something?" Gakushū asked as he heard footsteps approach, fixing his apron after closing the cash register.
"I never thought you were a working student..." Gakushū heard, immediately sending shivers down to his spine. What's even worse was that he heard a camera shutter right after his classmate said that to him, "well that's bad news..."
He perked his head up and finally looked at him, "Please... let's talk about this." He begged, and he hated how he sounded like. It was almost... pathetic. It was pathetic and he hated himself for it.
"What for?" The other student taunted with the picture he just took of him.
Gakushū tried to handle this matter as calm as he possibly could, "Just... please don't... I believe we can talk this out."
"Okay then... Follow me." He told him, smirking as he led him into a secluded alley adjacent to the café.
"What do you want?" Gakushū outright demanded, his voice sterner.
Still holding his phone right in front of him, his classmate said, "Kneel. I want you to kneel and lick the ground."
"You're sick." Gakushū spat.
"That or I'm telling everyone and you're expelled." He threatened.
Gakushū didn't know any better, safekeeping in exchange for what? His dignity? That and he wasn't even sure if the student would stick true to his words at all. Either way, he's screwed.
"Shit!" His other classmate groaned in pain before he fled. He was deep in his thought again, so deep in his thought that he failed to realize... That he failed to realize that Karma was there.
Karma?
"Why... why the fuck would you that?!"
Karma nearly gasped, taking a step back after witnessing Gakushū's harsh reaction. "I was just trying to protect you. Why the fuck are you mad?" He snapped back, his question pretty straightforward, and his voice reeking of venom.
"I hate you!" Gakushū yelled, pushing Karma away in the chest, "I fucking hate you!" He pushed him away even harder, "Now we might get fucking expelled because of that dumb shit you just did!"
Anticipating that Asano was about to push him away again, he caught his wrist before his hands closed in on his chest, gripping it tightly that made Gakuhshū squirm, "What?! What did you want me to do?! Just stare and watch you get stepped on by that asshole?!" He reasoned out before tossing Asano's arm away to the side, to which the latter took a few moments before he responded.
"Yeah, I'd rather have that!" Gakushū exclaimed before briefly stopping in his thoughts, thinking about what to say next, but fuck it. Yeah, fuck it then. "Just because you have issues of your own doesn't mean you get to do whatever the fuck you want all the time and drag me into your mess. Grow the fuck up, Karma!"
What... what the hell was that supposed to mean?
Karma couldn't believe what he just heard, and Gakushū couldn't believe what just came out of his mouth.
"What?! Are you fucking kidding me?! After I..." what was even the point of continuing any further? He could feel hot blood pulsing through his veins, while he breathed in some air between his teeth to prevent himself from lashing out, to subdue his violent tendencies. At this point, it just feels as if he was talking to a damn wall. "Fucking... unbelievable..." he shouted out loud, before biting his lip and raking his hair out of mere frustration, forcing him to punch a nearby wall several times to release some tension.
His knuckles bled and he didn't care. That hurt good.
"Please... Don't... hurt yourself..." Gakushū's lips were trembling out of fear, he was afraid to touch him. That and he was also terrified of what might happen next. He could only do so much but stare in disbelief, and then there Karma goes again, walking away like it was nothing to him. Why is Karma always the one to get to do that? Why does he always do that? To him? Gakushū watched his distorted figure fade with his teary eyes, sobbing to himself once he was gone already.
And maybe, but he hoped not, his routine for days has abruptly come to an end.
Now the night was solemn, but the kids weren't.
As always, thanks for reading! This chapter was kind of rushed because it's our exam week tomorrow. Anyways, let me know what you think. Have a nice day!