As always, thank you for reading this! I do apologize for the delay though. TW for self-harm and drugs, you have been warned. Enjoy reading!

"Right now it feels like we're bleeding,

So deep that we might not get back up,

Our words will tear through the surface

like a papercut"

-Papercut by Zedd ft. Troye Sivan

Gakushū chose to attend classes the following day despite what happened, with the intention of apologizing to Karma for the way he reacted to him last night. The constant feeling of impending doom prevented him from getting decent sleep. He braced himself for what might happen next, which was Gakuhou finding out the entire truth.

Unfortunately, the moment he arrived, the delinquent's seat was still empty, and so he waited. He arrived an hour before classes anyway so he figured that he might just be early. But then, minutes have flown by so quickly and classes were about the start already, yet Karma still hasn't shown up. A sheen of sweat began to form in his forehead as several scenarios began to pop up in his head.

He was afraid that Karma might kill himself, those scars weren't there for nothing, were they?

He jolted up from his seat and immediately ran by the moment their professor was about to enter the room. He didn't care what they're going to think about him, nor he didn't care whether his other classmate was about to report what just happened last night to their principal.

He didn't care if he was going to be expelled.

He just needed to know that Karma was doing alright. He just needed to know that the fight they had last night still has the chance of being resolved. He knew he just needed to be there...

He wanted to be there.

Gakushū quickly typed in Karma's address in the phone map before giving him a call.

Karma laid down on the floor of their living room, waking up to the sound of his phone ringing incessantly, dazed as the sun shone directly onto his eyes. He covered his eyes with one arm, as the other reached out for his phone.

Several notifications popped up after he unlocked it, telling him that he had 10 missed calls from Gakushū, "Yeah... fuck you." He spat before he turned off his phone and tossed himself back to sleep.

Gakushū quickly hopped off the metro bus and ran towards the apartment complex shown on the map. He then searched for Karma's unit and began knocking the moment he found it.

"Fuck." Karma groaned. "What the fuck do you want?! I'm trying to sleep!" Karma yelled before turning his body to face the wall, covering his ears with a pillow he grabbed from the nearby couch.

Of course, that didn't stop Gakushū from trying to get in.

Finally fed up with all the noise, Karma mustered up the strength he had left to stand and walk towards the front door.

Upon turning the knob and pulling the door open, Karma caught a glimpse of Gakushū standing outside before he rushed to push the door back closed, but Gakushū was able to stop him from doing so.

"Get out! Get the fuck out!" Karma tried slamming the door shut with his entire body, but Gakushū fought even harder that he was able to get in.

They were both catching their breaths, but Gakushū readily did what he came here for, "I'm sorry, okay?! I'm sorry, Karma! I'm sorry!" He apologized, visibly fretting while at the same time, he also felt relieved that the scenarios playing in his mind earlier were, after all, just scenarios.

Before he could even respond, Karma noticed how the color from Gakushū face drained out all of a sudden. He then followed his gaze and realized where he was looking at.

Shit.

He had all the time this morning before he even came, but for some unknown reason, he still forgot to take out the needle in his arm.

"Why..." Gakushū whispered, aghast, his unfaltering stare still fixated on his arm. He began chewing on his lower lip, his eyes welled up in tears as he burst out, "Why are you so intent in ruining your life?!"

"That's also the question I ask myself every day." Karma begrudgingly admitted, leaving Gakushū surprised, as he casually took out the needle from his arm and tossed it to the floor, "Maybe it's because I've got nothing left to lose anyway... I guess." He continued reluctantly as he walked over to the couch and sank into it.

Gakushū tried calming himself down, following Karma without a second thought then sat beside him. Karma then leaned forward, propped his elbows on his knees, and clasped his hands together.

"Both my parents are drug addicts..." He started with a deep sigh, it was the first time he ever told this to anybody, and he couldn't believe that he was finally doing it. "They kept telling me... that my birth was a huge mistake..." his vision getting cloudier as the tears filled his eyes to the brim. It was becoming hard for him to see clearly. "To cover up for that fault, they would almost get high every day. They'd get drunk... making sure I wouldn't forget how much I ruined both their lives... so they'd hit me all the time, use my skin as an ashtray... eventually when I turned six, I got tired from all of it..."

His lips began to tremble, the tears finally rolling down on his cheeks steadily. His calm face was of stark contrast to how tangled his mind was, but he continued still. "So I began using heroine too... and believe me," he chuckled bitterly, "it was damn good. It got me through most days, and it was a miracle that I didn't overdose by then even though I didn't know what the fuck I was doing."

Gakushū could only do so much but listen and hold Karma's shaky hands to make him know that he was there.

Always.

"Then on my seventh birthday, something happened." Karma went on, "It was Christmas eve too... You see, my entire life, I never got to celebrate my birthday... which was pretty self-explanatory... my birth was a huge mistake, to begin with... but on that day, it's as if I received my first present ever..." he briefly paused.

"My mom killed herself." He blankly divulged, seemingly numbed by it all, "You see, on that day, other kids hanged ornaments on their Christmas trees or hanged Christmas lights around their porches. But to my end, my mother hanged herself in the living room, and didn't care one bit that it was Christmas Eve or that it was my birthday."

"Don't get me wrong. I hated her." Karma let out a short laugh in disdain before explaining further, "I hated them to a great extent that at some point in my childhood, I wished for them to die. But still... why was I scared back then? It was what I wanted all along, right?" His voice grew even louder, the expression he suppressed for so long finally leaking word by word, the glint in his eyes more noticeable.

But then, his voice went mellow again as he recalled the events he refused to acknowledge for years, "The next thing I knew, I was sitting on the floor, hugging my knees with nothing but a carton strawberry milk in my hands, watching her lifeless body for hours, while my dad was nowhere to be found."

That revelation made Gakushū regret the way he thought about Karma that night.

"Then the following day, the sirens woke me up." Karma recalled, looking down, his nails sinking in deeper to the edge of the sofa, "As the police officers cleaned up her body, I swore I could almost see her stand on the other side of the living room. Of course, the visions never left me as I grew up... so whenever I get to have the chance, I would drown myself in alcohol."

"Eventually, my dad ended up in jail and my aunt raised me. She ended up migrating though but she still supported me financially, so I technically grew up by myself..." He carried on with the story, appearing a little calmer now. "but still, I always hoped for something better for myself. I simply wanted a way out, but sometimes I just get tired so easily that I tend to opt for a quicker way to do it... of course, it never happened...because I'm still here... aren't I?" Upon uttering out those last few words jokingly, a genuine smile somehow found its way into Karma's lips.

How does he even manage to do that? To smile like it's nothing to him? To walk away every damn time like it was nothing to him? Gakushū thought it through over and over again after hearing everything he said. Perhaps it's what Karma's been doing all his life. And now he couldn't even bring himself to be mad about it, because if it were him, he knew he wouldn't stand a chance.

"I believe I deserve something far better in life, you know..." Karma told him, the glint in his eyes unwavering, "That there's a future ahead waiting for me elsewhere... far from here, far from what I'm used to... far from what I've been through."

He could never look at Karma the same way ever again.

Gakuhou stared at him relentlessly, the principal's words reduced into nothing but mere background noise. It's as if only the two of them were inside the office, and the tension in the air was so dreadful and permeating that it nearly suffocated him. Those intense pair of eyes that matched his was more than enough to make his stomach churn. He just wanted to get out, he wished that the ground would just open up and swallow him whole.

"Aren't you aware of it yet?" The principal raised his voice, trying to catch Gakuhou's attention who barely even looked at him this whole time.

"Of what?" Gakuhou asked back, his piercing glare not leaving him for one bit.

"Your son lost his scholarship." The principal answered, finally making Gakuhou's head turn. "You never received the notice letter?" The principal probed further.

"No, I haven't..." He answered, his voice trailing off into a whisper as he looked back at Gakushū.

"Your son fell in the rankings."

That's all they see, don't they? Numbers. Good grades, honors, merits, and awards are all that's important to them. Behind closed curtains, they fail to realize the lengths he had to go through just to appease them. Behind closed doors are sleepless nights and numerous breakdowns, all for the sake of excellence.

But at what cost?

Perfection defined who he was, and now his steep descent into mediocrity almost felt dehumanizing.

Gakushū could almost feel his entire chest constrict against his will, his nails sinking in deeper to his wrist as the shame devoured him completely. He kept his head down in stark trepidation. He couldn't even afford to look at his own father. He doesn't know if he ever will.

A one-week suspension sounded better than expulsion, but either way, he'd choose anything other than his father finding out the entire truth.

The hour they have spent inside the office roughly felt like an eternity to him. He plainly knew that once they step out of the principal's office, he still wouldn't be relieved, the suffering won't just end by then.

The two of them haven't spoken to each other since this morning.

Finally tired of all the silence, Gakushū was the first one to break it, "Aren't you supposed to hit me or something?" He bluntly asked as soon as they got inside the car.

Gakuhou stopped midway through inserting the car key, struggling to deny the pang of guilt building up in his chest. But then, he decided it was better to not set the kerosene aflame.

"No." He answered dismissively and began driving, but Gakushū was rather persistent.

"Why not? Isn't that what you always do?" Gakushū retorted.

"Now's not the time." Gakuhou told him off, now with a hint of authority in his voice.

"Why won't you hit me?!" Gakushū yelled as he broke down in tears, "You've been hitting me for as long as I could remember! You've been hitting me for the slightest mistakes, so why not hit me now that I'm a total failure?!"

"Gakushū, get a hold of yourself," Gakuhou replied dismissively after sighing to himself, things were getting a bit out of control now. It felt downright frustrating.

Of course, that didn't prevent the former 3-A student from lashing out, "No! Stop playing saint! Don't act like every normal parent there is out there! I know what you are! So just hit me!"

"Hit me!" Gakushū pressed further that made Gakuhou abruptly step on the brakes.

Gakushū saw this as an opportunity to leave. So without warning, he unlocked the door. "I hate you!" he spat as he stepped out of the car, then running as far away as he could.

What did just happen?

Gakuhou didn't know what the fuck just happened. He decided to pull over to the curbside, taking a deep breath before burying his face into his palms.

He wasn't planning on hitting him, at least not this time, at least not with intention. He was beginning to acknowledge his mistakes, and he couldn't believe how hard actually it was.

Dusk has settled in, and Karma seemed to enjoy the first day of his one-week suspension by playing video games since this afternoon. A sudden knock on his door made him press pause.

"Can I stay here tonight?" Gakushū outright told him the moment he opened the door.

Karma blinked several times before he could come up with a response, Gakushū just came in unannounced, then he told him that he's going to spend the night here without texting him beforehand.

How the hell was he supposed to react?

"Y-yeah... yeah, of course." He stammered, placing a hand on his nape in uncertainty.

"Did... something happen?" Karma asked him warily, closing the door from behind after he stepped in.

Gakushū looked all riled up, tossing his belongings to the floor as he strode over to the couch.

He didn't get an answer aside from a brief glance before Gakushū was back inside his own world again.

"Okay..." Karma sang, raising an eyebrow, as he thought of what to say next to ease the awkward tension. "Well, I have some leftover take-out food by the dining table if you're hungry..." Karma finally said as he sat beside him and resumed playing his video game. He decided it was best to let things cool down for a bit.

Gakushū eyes wandered all over the place, he simply didn't know why he was here, or why he chose and wanted to be here with Karma, but he thought that he'd rather be anywhere than with his father.

Those wild thoughts were just simply unrelenting, driving him close to the edge.

He's still very young yet there's this anxious feeling looming above his head, telling him that he's already running out of time to get his life together. For once, he thought he had his future set out for him. He thought had it in together, then one single mistake has thrown everything into disarray. He thought he'll be able to fix it like he always does, but he's lost, and he seems to slowly run out of hope by the day.

He simply didn't know where to go from here.

An hour or so have passed and Karma was so immersed in playing his video game that he failed to realize that Gakushū had left his seat. That until he heard the bathroom door blasting out open, making his head reflexively jolt sideways.

It was Gakushū standing there rigidly, panting, frozen like a lost chick drenched in the rain. His mouth agape, breathing heavily with a huge slit on his forearm, blood dripping all over the place, flowing freely alongside his tears.

"I..." before Gakushū could even speak to explain himself, Karma threw his game controller to the ground and ran over to him.

He frantically grabbed him by the shoulders and snapped at him, "Why the fuck would you hurt yourself?!"

"I'm... I'm sorry... I messed up... I didn't mean to bother you like this..." Gakushū sobbed, peering back at Karma through his teary eyes.

Karma realized that he might've reacted too harsh so he attempted to calm him down, "No... Don't say that... Don't say that, okay?" He knew far better than to add further insult to the injury. "Just keep your arm elevated, apply some pressure while I find my kit. You'll be fine, you hear me?"

He always knew how to handle himself in situations like this and he's been doing it for years. But dealing with someone else going through the same thing, it's as if he was treading through deep, murky waters.

But in the end, everything did become fine... as he promised.

"Is it because of me?" Karma started, the two of them seated opposite to one another on the bathroom floor, their backs leaning against the doorway, hugging their knees.

Gakushū slowly tilted his head up, looking directly into his eyes for a brief moment, before averting his gaze sideways.

He didn't know where to start.

"It's my fault, is it?" Karma prompted, "Because you saw mine? My scars?"

Gakushū silently shook his head in response.

"You're smart enough to know that cutting won't solve things, right?" Karma told him.

"Then... then why are you doing it?" Gakushū finally spoke, but with precaution.

"I'm not, at least not anymore..." he answered, sparing Gakushū a glance before looking down to his own feet as he continued, "I've told you what I've been through, right? And I also told you how I thought that I deserve far better things in life, so I stopped..." Karma looked up to him again, but in contrast to the lie he told him just a few seconds ago, he said, "Like before, I'm always here to listen. No matter what it is, I'll be listening, I'll be here."

"You deserve better things too..." he added as he gently placed a hand on top of his shoulder, to which Gakushū responded by placing his hand on top of his.

Their gazes met again.

Karma's eyes were glistening, and so were his. "Please don't end up like me..." Karma whispered, smiling, as he held Gakushū's hand tighter. A tear finally fell from his cheek.

Unbeknownst to them, two tiny fragments that seemed to drift aimlessly in space were finally bounded by predestined trajectories.

The once vivid colors of the sky have drained down into the void, turning into a sedated, dark shade of blue. The stars appeared one by one, their positions unchanging. The phases of the moon have also remained constant for years, but what has changed is the newfound warmth he felt inside of him the moment Karma lightly kissed his forehead... before his lips wandered down and touched his.

The moonlight has seeped in through the crevices, finding its way into his irises, turning it into a bewitching shade of lilac that were akin to hydrangeas in full bloom. He was stunned by what Karma just did, but the latter was even more struck by witnessing the beauty that was right in front of him, all in full display.

Karma broke off from the kiss but refusing to move an inch farther, immobilized as he felt Gakushū's soft, warm breaths against his neck. He observed him discreetly, noticing the quizzical expression written all over his face. Karma knew what he did was downright wrong, how he brazenly took advantage of Gakushū's vulnerability, how it was his body mistranslating what his mind kept telling him not to do.

His train of thoughts came into an abrupt stop as Gakushū kissed him back out of mere impulse before he quickly shied away. For what lasted in less than a second seemed like forever to him, at least he wished it was.

And alas, the guessing game begins.

Thanks for reading! As always, let me know what you think! I honestly think that this chapter was subpar because exam week messed me up, so I do apologize again. Anyways, have a great day ahead!