Hikigaya Hachiman's Path to Reformation

Echoes From Within

So here's a new chapter, it's short I know but you'll see why.

This was supposed to be inserted in the previous chapter, but the atmosphere between the two are vastly different, and I didn't want to ruin it.

So yeah, please enjoy!

Good grief.

So noisy.

Good grief.

*Hikigaya, you said "good grief" twice. *

Silence mongrel.

So many people, so much chatter, ugh I'm losing my appetite. I want to eat in the roof but it getting quite warmer lately, I don't want to die of heatstroke. There were more people here than usual, more to my liking honestly.

Last week, we suddenly received a surprising amount of complaints from the student body about the food in the cafeteria. They said that it was bland, too expensive and they wanted more variety, but what they're doing is causing more trouble for us. Over the weekend, we had submitted a report to the principal but we still had no reply on the matter. The students complained, but here they are rushing into the lines to get their food. I for one, am quite content with the food that I ordered. Grilled salmon, vegetable salad, curry rice, miso soup, tea and fried chicken and pork cutlet covered with scrambled eggs, all for 1600 Yen! I admit that it's a bit pricey, but it's a good deal in my opinion. Plus, I have more money to spare than I know what to do with, so no one has the right to pull out the "Huurrr-ddduuurrr-oh-its-too-expensive-you-could-have-eaten-3-meals-with-the-price-of-what-you're-eating-hurr-duurr!" card on me!

Jokes aside, I need to eat quite a lot since the medication that I'm taking is quite strong, three of them, to be exact. Also, I wonder what was going on in the mind of whoever decided to add this Super Meal lunch in the menu…? Some sort of glutton perhaps.

A girl wordlessly sat in front of me, carrying a tray of food that she had bought, two sandwiches and some juice, to be exact. Finally, she's here. I was beginning to think that I got the place wrong.

"That's quite a lot you got there, Hikigaya-kun." Through her red half-rimmed glasses, she eyed my lunch with a blank look. Curiously, the look she had right now reminded me of my own. "Hmm." I hummed in reply as I cut a small piece of pork with a knife and dipped it in the sauce. I blankly looked at her, expecting her to talk more, but she opened her food and started eating away as well.

"So…did you bring the goods?" She whispered in a low voice while looking around us, making sure our voices would not reach the other tables.

I gave her an unamused look and she continued to do the act. "Ebina-san, why are you making this sound like a drug deal…?" At my reply, she rolled her eyes at me and pouted.

"Oh come on, you could have just gone along with it. You're no fun Hikigaya-kun." She said and took a bite into her sandwich. The object of interest that she came here for was on the lower part of my body.

And no, it's not what you're thinking about you pervert.

I handed her the manga that was resting on my lap, and she swiped it so fast all I saw was a blur.

"Oi, be careful with that. I went to Akihabara just to get myself a copy on the week that it was released." I say.

"Yes! I've been waiting for this for ages! I loved the 1st part of the series, y'know, the one that you recommend and lent to me a few weeks back." She said excitedly and put it in her bag. The reason why Ebina-san is here is just to borrow that manga of mine, she somehow correctly guessed that I had a copy of it and asked if she could borrow mine. A woman's intuition is a terrifying thing.

I continued quietly eating my lunch, intent on finishing it before the next period starts. Ebina-san was the same, preferring to eat first and talk later. She finished first and started sipping on her juice.

"Hikigaya-kun, are you part of any clubs right now?"

I shook my head. "I'm too busy to partake in after-school activities. We still have some work to do at the Student Council office after all. Not to mention the incoming graduation of the Third Years…" I say.

"Hoh…" She made a bored nod at my reply.

"The year went by in a flash huh. I still remember talking to you in that bookstore, and seeing you on the pedestal at the opening ceremony." She reminisced while having a far-away look in her eyes. I couldn't think of a follow up to her statement, and I just nodded and hummed in reply. True, the year is almost coming to a close, three weeks from now the current school year will end, and after the school break, we'll be the Second Year. The school principal and owners had already shown us the cost figures of last year's opening ceremony. The rest of the StuCo members were quite shocked. Shiromeguri-senpai turned pale, Chisako-senpai screamed "Holy shit!" and the others were just a mix of the two.

It nearly gave me a heart attack. Though I do recall our Treasurer nearly fainting…we had to fan Senpai and take him to the infirmary.

That was not a joke.

Needless to say, the opening ceremony last year was too flashy and had many unnecessary costs in it. They decided to cut some corners and just do it in the auditorium or the gym. I for one, welcome the idea. It lessens the trouble for us who have to work behind the scenes.

"I hear the Japanese Archery Club is recruiting new members since The Third Years are graduating and all." She shortly added, I arched a brow at what she might be implying.

Archery huh…

"And you're telling me this because…?"

"No reason, I just heard it from my classmates and I thought you'd like to know." She shrugged and emptied her juice. After quickly going to throw away her garbage, she went back to her seat.

"Do I look like an Archer-type to you?" I asked and imagined myself dressed in the style of a Japanese Archer in a competition. Lean arms, a strong and straight back and eyes sharp like a hawk.

She gave me a searching look and narrowed her eyes. "Yes."

"How so?"

"Hmm…I heard that you know Taekwondo, were the fastest runner in your class during P.E., denied an invitation from the Football Club and that you're pretty good at Tennis. So, it's quite obvious that you have a knack in terms of athletics. Oh, and because Archery looks cool and all." She shrugged again while moving her arms as if drawing a bow.

I widened my eyes at how much she knew.

How fast does information spread in this school?! How did those people know?! Am I being stalked?! And that was before I got hospitalized. Now I just watch P.E. Class from the sidelines since I'm still not allowed to overexert myself.

"Ugh…what you just said were not wrong, at least. I simply have no time for any clubs…I'm still a below-average pianist…" I mutter the last part under my breath, just thinking about it gives me a headache. Teaching yourself how to play the piano was more difficult than I expected…

"If it helps, I'll throw in a club recruitment campaign event recommendation to Shiromeguri-senpai once the new school year starts. There's no guarantee if it'll be passed through. But you and your friends have to manage it" I say.

She shook her head. "No, you don't need to do that Hikigaya-kun, it'll just cause more trouble for you. And I just wanted to let you know just in case you were interested, that's all."

"The only club that I'd be interested in joining is the Gaming Club, well, if it existed anyway." I jokingly said, and she looked amused by my reply.

"Now that I think about it, you're too cool for Archery, you'll probably ace it in no time!" She laughed at her joke and the small smile that I had on my lips, instantly disappeared.

She didn't see it because she was being called by one of her classmates. "I gotta go Hikigaya-kun! I'll give this back to you in a few days!" With that, she excused herself with my manga in hand. I gave her a small wave as she went to her classmates. I watched her back for a bit before I started spacing out. The voices were slowly drowned out by a ringing in my ears until I heard nothing. My vision blurred, the people around me turning to ghostly apparitions moving in slow motion.

What she said bothered me. Not just those she uttered, but by those around me as well. Ever since the start of the 1st semester here at school, words that I shouldn't be bothered by, and yet…

They do. They bother me more than I believe, and it scares me.

"He's the Perfect Student!"

"Even though he's a bit serious, he's cool!"

"He gets perfect scores without breaking a sweat!"

"He's even part of the Student Council, what a guy!"

"He's quite athletic too!"

"I wish I was like him!"

"His Dad's also a pretty big businessman from what I hear!"

"He has a perfect life!"

Those were the words that the populace defined me as. I don't blame them, no. For it was my actions that they based their definition of me. My actions alone. Actions that I continue to question to this day. I know that everything that I'm doing it for myself, but at the same time, my gut says otherwise. It's been eating away at me from my core.

Why am I doing this?

Shallow words and empty praises, that's all they were. I don't feel anything when I hear them. Embarrassment? Maybe, but that only happened a few times. It quickly lost its effect on me after a while.

Pride? I don't know. Can you feel proud about doing something exceptionally well, yet it goes against everything that you believe in? Can you feel proud knowing that with every praise that you hear, you are reminded of your dishonesty? Can you feel proud being praised, yet a voice from the deepest part of your mind reminds you of your inferiority? I don't know anymore. I don't have the answers right now, nor do I foresee it coming to me soon.

…

…

…

But on the inside, I still feel the same as before.

A loser, gross, creep, disgusting, ugly, unsightly, a loner with no friends…

It seems nothing has changed at all. I am confused as to what I've been doing up to now.

Was the goal that I set for myself shallow and meaningless...? Was everything for nought...?

I dislike liars, but I can't bring myself to hate them if I knew what the lie was and under what circumstances it was made of course. An example would be a liar forced to create a white lie. They exist for a reason, to preserve something that is deemed worth existing, be it a shallow friendship, or a thinly-veiled carefully made persona to show the world.

I dislike liars.

But now that I think about it…

The biggest liar of all…

Is me.