Eᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ: Pɪʟᴏᴛ
Sitting on the top of the dropship, I knew that I should have felt nervous but thanks to a mixture of the reassuring company and the calming effect of the herb that we'd been sharing, I was more at ease than I'd been in a long time. My gaze roamed out across the vast landscape that surrounded us, drinking in the breathtaking sights and I felt as if I were living in a different reality after the lifelong confines of the Ark.
"This view is almost worth getting arrested and thrown out of our home for." I commented wistfully, swinging my legs over the edge in a state of contentment. As I admired the sights, I noticed Murphy studying me out of the corner of my eye and the expression that he wore was almost as awestruck as mine. Though I was somewhat embarrassed by his open adoration, the effects of our mild intoxication allowed my mental walls to have lowered and for once, I didn't feel the need to escape the emotion.
"I agree. It's pretty breathtaking." He crooned, making it clear that he was referring to me rather than the view and I chuckled awkwardly, unsure how else to respond to his flattery. "Shame that we had to have our entire lives screwed to get here." He added bitterly, voicing the feeling that we both shared inside and I glanced at him curiously.
"You know, of all the times that you've pushed me to tell you why I was in lockup, you've never actually told me what you were in for?" I pointed out, passing the rolled up leaf back to him and he shook his head as he considered me, a sly smile filling his face.
"Oh, you want to hear my sob story?" He suggested, his handsome features forming a smirk and I felt a mischievous smile spreading across my lips. Although most people seemed to find his attitude frustrating, there was something strangely attractive about it to me and every smirk that he directed at me made a tingle travel the length of my spine.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." I drawled in a flirtatious tone, surprising even myself at my boldness and he quirked a brow at me with fascination. For a moment, I began to worry whether this comment had been a mistake, as the herb loosened my lips far more than I had expected and I felt a small remaining level of anxiety spiralling in my brain. Whilst I was preoccupied with my own self consciousness, Murphy took a long drag to prepare himself for his explanation.
"When I was a kid, I got really sick." He began, avoiding my eyes as he spoke and I shuffled into a comfortable position to listen. "Sick enough that my parents thought I would die without treatment. None of the doctors would help, so my father stole some medicine and got himself floated. It was only after he died that I started to get better and we found out that I'd had the flu." He explained in a low tone and I grimaced, realising that he was unlikely to have even required medicine for this illness in the first instance. A few moments of silence passed as he took another smoke and I tried to find a lighter part of his past to discuss.
"What about your ma?" I asked gently, hoping that this might provide him with an opportunity to share a more hopeful memory, but instead he glanced over at me with pain in his beautiful blue eyes, sighing deeply in thought before he decided to answer me.
"My mother was a drunk. If she wasn't passed out, or vomiting everywhere, then she was blaming me for everything that had ever gone wrong in her life. Eventually she drank herself to death." He explained in a grumble, before glancing to the distance in an avoidant gesture and I was sure that I saw him subtly wipe away a tear. It seemed that the smoking was bringing out emotions that he had long since buried and I was nervous to fulfil my end of the bargain with this in my system. He cleared his throat to bypass any remaining sentimentality in his voice and forced a devilish smile into a place as he turned back to view me.
"So, you're wondering what any of this has to do with what I actually did, right? Well, once I was old enough to get the supplies, I set fire to the quarters of the officer that arrested my father. Sure, it landed me in lockup, but it was fucking satisfying!" He added with the previous bravado that he'd always displayed in our conversations in the skybox and though he tried to use it to cover his vulnerability, I had come to know him well enough to see through it. The hurt and anger that had led him to this decision was clear to me and though I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, I knew that it would bring him little comfort.
"Sounds like our mams would've gotten along famously." I commented idly as I took a long drag on the smoke and threw the last of it off the edge of the dropship. It was a strange thought to consider, but I realised that at least some parts of our childhoods had parallels and I began to dissect the previously unexplained feeling that I'd had since we first met that Murphy was able to understand me in a way that others had never been able to.
"Really?" Murphy breathed, stunned by my comment and I nodded in return. "No way. I can't imagine you in an upbringing like mine." He stated, seeming genuinely perplexed by this concept and I shook my head at his incorrect assumption.
"My mam was a nasty woman, full of spite and disapproval. I only recently found out that she had own addictions, though, namely pain relief. I'm actually beginning to suspect that she only stayed with my old man so that she could steal his meds." I grumbled, staring down at my feet and Murphy's brows raised at the severity of my statement. "I know. It's a dark thought, right? My Papi has multiple sclerosis. That's why I started studying medicine. Whole load of good that did me." I added in a bitter voice and Murphy seemed as if he could hardly believe what he was hearing.
"Wait a second, you're a medical student?!" He exclaimed in sheer disbelief and I nodded slowly in confirmation. His eyes grew ridiculously wide at this and he stumbled over his words a few times as he tried to decide which question to ask first. "So, how does someone like you end up convicted for drug smuggling? This doesn't make sense." He rambled, staring at me as if he suspected I were creating some fabricated story to fool him and I knew that I would have to be painfully honest if I were to convince him that I were indeed telling the truth.
"She thinks she's fallen in love." I admitted, speaking the words aloud for the very first time and my heart immediately ached as the confession left my lips. "There was this intern who was a few years older than me. He told me that he had a sick mam and that his old man was gone. For once in my life, I really felt like someone understood me and that made me blind. I was so full of hope and all I wanted to do was help people, and he took advantage of that. Sold me some crap about a medicinal programme for the underprivileged and I ate it up like an idiot." My voice became aggressive towards the end, as my inner frustrations infected my words and Murphy seemed completely riveted by my explanation.
"Plenty of assholes with their own agenda on that station" Murphy stated spitefully, clearly speaking from experience and I nodded silently in agreement. "He sounds like a real piece of work, though." He added in a growl, seeming as if he were already aggravated by this idea and I couldn't help but feel amused by the potency of his reaction. I scoffed under my breath, reflecting on the depth of Cian's betrayal and how disgusted he would become if he knew the full details of every minor manipulation that led to this outcome.
"You have no idea." I muttered as I recalled the level of deceit that he had felt necessary to the process of recruiting me and Murphy tilted his head at me in a silent question. "The reason that I finally decided to turn him in is that I found out every single thing he ever said to me was a lie. His parents are alive and definitely not sick. You were right about me all along, without even knowing any of the details. He targeted me." I revealed in a small, pained voice, glancing over at him with tears in my eyes and he cursed to himself.
"Man, fuck the Ark. I'm glad we don't ever have to go back to that hellhole." He spat, staring up at the sky with disdain and I turned to look up at the clouds too, wondering where exactly our home was. My thoughts drifted to my father whenever I thought of the Ark and my chest ached at our separation, unable to accept yet that I would never again be able to indulge in his comfort. "You know, it sounds like I was right about one other thing at least. You were a total goodie goodie on the Ark." He confirmed with a deviant smile and after a slight chuckle under my breath, I sighed thoughtfully.
"I was. I followed every rule, trained for a selfless job and carefully worked my way in with people who I thought could help me to protect what was left of my family. Thanks to my job, I even had a new mother figure in my life. But look at where all of that got me. Now I'm on Earth, alone." I remarked, the frustration that I had bottled up for far too long fearing its ugly head and Murphy furrowed his brows at me, as if I'd said something horribly offensive.
"Hey." He spoke sharply and I jumped as I turned to face him with apprehension. "You're not alone." He stated, staring deeply into my eyes and I couldn't keep a fond smile from filling my lips. It was a disagreement that I hadn't at all expected, but the comment provided a level of comfort that was truly welcome against the isolation that I'd felt since arriving here.
"You're not alone either, Murph." I breathed in a warm tone, feeling a genuine appreciation for his presence here and his face lit up at my words. A comfortable silence fell upon us as we both returned to staring at the trees, enjoying the fresh breeze that ruffled our hair and for a few moments, I felt at peace. "It really is beautiful here. The colours are so vibrant and rich, and the smells are insane. You know, before the world went to crap, they used to get kids to do leaf rubbings in school as an introduction to art. I've always wished that I could do that." I revealed, surprised by how much I was speaking and vowed never to smoke again as I strained to try to contain my thoughts.
"Well, shit. I've never wished that I was a leaf before. Sure you don't want to rub me?" He suggested with a playful wink and though he tried to hold a serious expression, his face rapidly crumbled at the absurdity of his words. I snorted under the strength of the laughter that escaped me, clutching my stomach as I gasped for air and Murphy cackled alongside me. It seemed that we were reaching the tail end of the herbs' effect on us now and had descended into the silly stage of the intoxication, where everything seemed profoundly funnier than it otherwise would. Once I'd finally been able to calm myself enough to speak, I fixed him with a scrutinising look.
"Why do you do that? I really don't get it." I interrogated, keen to find an explanation for the strange behaviour that he had been displaying for almost the entire time that we'd known each other and his face was the picture of innocence as he gradually recovered from the laughter.
"Do what?" He avoided, clearly enjoying the opportunity to force me to put my suspicions into words and I furrowed my brows in disapproval for this tactic. I had no desire to actually ask whether he was truly attracted to me, but decided to clear the air with a less direct approach whilst I still had the courage.
"Make everything into an innuendo!" I breathed, frustrated that he had continued to act oblivious to my intentions and he shrugged, forcing me to continue. "The whole thing confuses me. The chat up lines and the winks and the constant flirtation. I honestly just don't get it." I confessed, holding his intense eye contact as I levelled him with questions and fully expected for him to insist that it was little more than a joke. He raised a single brow at me in suspicion and I braced myself for an answer that would cause me to feel immensely foolish.
"Have you never actually seen yourself?" He asked pointedly, his eyes taking an indulgent scan of my entire body before coming to rest on my face longingly and I scoffed louder than I had at any other time in my life. "Seriously, I'm not buying that you're that clueless. You're incredible." He breezed, surveying me as if he couldn't find a single flaw and I rolled my eyes at him.
"Right. Another line. Whatever." I grumbled , fidgeting on the spot as I started to feel my insecurity returning to me in full force and scolded myself for even expecting a truthful response in the first place. It was obvious in my mind that this was simply another game to him, something to amuse himself with in the absence of any other entertainment and I fully expected that he would move on shortly now that we were free. He cleared his throat as he prepared to address me, pulling me from my fearful thoughts.
"I don't get how you can be this unaware of the effect that you have on people. I mean, you must've had boyfriends in the past, right? Other than the fucker that got you locked up." He suggested as if it were an obvious assumption and I shook my head, fiddling with my hands to avoid his prying eyes. "Girlfriend? That's hot." He added with a mischievous manner and I had to chuckle at his immaturity.
"No, Murphy. I have no idea what you're talking about. You're acting like I go around intoxicating everyone and leaving them all clamoring for just one kiss." I drawled with exaggerated gestures, unsure how to interpret his dramatic expectations and he simply grinned at my comments, as if I'd played into his hands.
"Oh, I want much more than one kiss." He remarked, his voice growing deep at the thought and I shook my head at him in disbelief, surprised that he would still continue this act even in the face of my enquiries. "You have been kissed, haven't you, Sunshine?" He enquired, catching me off guard with his sudden question and I fidgeted in discomfort as my cheeks burned hot. I knew that lying to him wasn't an option, as he seemed to be able to see through me with little effort and I had no intention of admitting to something that made me seem so pathetic. Instead of judging me, however, Murphy seemed exhilarated by the confirmation that my silence provided and slid himself closer to my side.
"Really? Well, I could fix that." He muttered, dropping to a quiet and raspy voice and I shivered at the way that it made me feel. At first, I assumed that he was kidding as usual, but it quickly dawned in me that he was suffocatingly close and my breath caught in my throat as I realised that he was leaning into me. His shoulder bumped mine as he moved into my space and though part of me would have been willing to jump off the dropship to my death, the ruling portion of my brain began to allow my eyelids to flutter closed. His face was close enough to mine that he could count every freckle if it weren't hiding under the heavy blush that dusted my cheeks and I could feel his hot breath against my skin, as I held my own in nervous anticipation.
"Murphy!" A sharp yell caused me to startle to such an extent that I almost slipped off the edge and Murphy had to rapidly pull me back to safety. "Will you stop fucking about?! We've got shit to do, remember?" Mbege called upward as caught sight of our legs which hung over the side of the ship and Murphy was visibly furious at the interruption. As my senses flooded back to me, I quickly slid backwards and got to my feet to put some distance between us.
"Could you not?" I spat, brushing myself down and attempting to return my heartbeat to a reasonable speed following the thrill of the almost kiss. "You just ruined this whole thing! You were doing really well before that, too." I stated, crossing my arms to fix him with a disapproving look and he chuckled with amusement as he stood to face me. I couldn't help feeling as if he had crossed a boundary into unknown territory and I resented the change, as his friendship felt like all I had left to cling to now that we'd been ejected from our lives on the Ark. I wasn't ready to face my attraction to him and the damage that it could do to our bond, and I couldn't help feeling offended as how easily he seemed to be willing to throw it away.
"The whole thing, huh?" He queried and I nodded back fervently, revealing my defensiveness. "Well, I guess next time I'll just have to make sure that we don't get interrupted." He sneered, seeming thoroughly pleased with himself and I shook my head at the misunderstanding. "Don't worry. I know what you meant." He clarified as he gathered his things and I raised my brows at him, confused by his contradictory statements. "The only problem with you acting so upset is that I know you wanted it. Until next time, Sunshine." He winked, before striding away and leaving me blushing alone on the top of the dropship.