A/N: Hello, my lovelies! It's been a long time and I can only apologise for that. Real life has been challenging and with those challenges comes the dreaded writers block. However, I still love this story so much. I've had this chapter in reserve for an age as I wanted to do my usual standard of thorough editing, but eventually decided to let it escape into the world with only a quick edit. So if you see any errors, I'm afraid that was the cost of getting a chapter!

Just a quick heads up that I am planning a bit of an overhaul to this story. I've had a lot of changes to my writing style as late and really want to change to third person. Obviously it's quite a big project so it'll be a gradual process but I'm not planning to post any of the changed chapters until it's all done to keep consistency. That change will probably be my focus for a while though, so I apologise if that means another long delay.

Anyway, just wanted to say thank you so much for sticking with me. Every bit of interaction means the world to me and helps so much to keep me motivated. Much love! 3

O - O - O - O - O

"I'm seriously not getting over the fact that you know how to roll one of these, Doc." Finn remarked as he took a long drag of the mugwort cigarette I'd concocted from a leaf and I shook my head at him in amusement. "I might actually have misjudged you."

"You know what they say, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover." I answered coyly, already feeling chattier with the herb in my system.

"Cassidy's a surprise in more ways than one. Don't be fooled by the quietness." Clarke pitched in, observing me with fondness in her eyes. "She's actually almost covered in tattoos." She added as Finn's brows shot up so high that they nearly flew off his face.

"No way." He breathed dismissively.

Even with the calming effects of the substance we were smoking, I had no intention of stripping down, nor putting on a show for either of the boys that were now viewing me with scepticism. Deciding which pieces of art were the most easily accessible, I pulled the neckline of my collar down slightly to display the top of my chest piece, then rolled up my sleeve to show the sketch on my shoulder that I had always planned to extend to fill my entire arm.

"Well, shit. What do I know." Finn chuckled, seeming genuinely pleased by this discovery and I couldn't help noticing that Clarke wore a mildly proud expression, as if I had made her look cooler simply by association.

"Strange look for a doctor." Wells commented, his posture as uptight as it always was and a judgemental gaze filled his eyes.

"I'm not just a doctor. I'm a person, too." I retorted, quickly becoming frustrated at his privileged attitude. "I'm an artist. My tattoos are how I express myself. They have no impact on my effectiveness in my role."

Wells appeared thoroughly scolded by my lecture, turning his face away in embarrassment. Generally I didn't have a problem with him, but his lack of adaptability had begun to grate on me. The addition of the fact that I knew how badly he had hurt both Clarke and Abby certainly added a layer of venom to my words.

"How does a promising young doctor even end up on the ground?" Finn enquired, passing the spliff to Clarke so that he could place his full attention on me. "Surely you're too valuable of a resource to just throw away?" He continued, his eyes thinning as he considered me.

I felt myself squirming in place as I silently deliberated whether this was something that I wanted to get into right now, but I knew that the truth about my circumstances would have to emerge eventually. It still felt as if I couldn't discuss it, as if the secret still had the power to destroy lives. Breaking my habit of silence was growing to be a challenge, it seemed.

"It's personal, Finn. You should know that." Clarke stated defensively, sneaking a glance my way to let me know that she had my back.

"It's okay, Clarke." I muttered, squeezing her arm with a grateful smile. "I was manipulated by someone that I thought cared about me. He made me believe that I was supporting an important cause, when I was actually just helping him to smuggle drugs for money."

"And they let you take the fall for it?" He asked in a knowing way, whilst I simply nodded. "That's rough. No wonder you don't think much of love." He commented and I was surprised by the genuine sympathy in his face as he studied me.

"We can't all get arrested for infamous adventures." I crooned in a bid to shift the conversation away from me and my troubled past.

"Well, I guess there's only room for one Spacewalker in our camp, huh?" He winked, allowing the tension that had formed around the topic of my arrest to fizzle away.

The space grew quiet as the smoke made its way around the group again, leaving me to safely put it out. It was clear that it had taken effect as we each got comfortable. Despite the fact that we were surrounded by deadly fog that lurked just outside, it was almost easy to forget.

I climbed over to the front section of the vehicle, settling sideways in the passenger seat to explore. My hands roamed over the surfaces that surrounded me. There were endless compartments filled with things that likely would have been mundane once, but were interesting to me. I imagined what it must have been like to exist in such a simple time, when my biggest concern at this age would have been whether a boy liked me in return.

"It's been hours." Clarke announced, breaking the calm atmosphere with her irritably. "Jasper-"

"Is in good hands." Finn interrupted in an effort to prevent the stress that we could all feel building within her. "Octavia will take care of him." He added, catching my eyes as I glanced over my shoulder at them and flashing me a supportive smile.

"While we're on the subject. Why is it that everyone thinks me wanting Jasper to not die is a bad thing?" She queried, her voice a couple of octaves lower than usual in a telltale sign of her relaxation. "Like I'm such a downer. I can be fun. You think I'm fun, right?" She quizzed and I noticed that she observed Finn with a flirtatious glint in her eyes.

"Oh, yeah. Among other things." He responded with a wink, his usual charming attitude returning.

"You're fun." Wells cut in, staring intently at her despite her best efforts to avoid him.

The silence that fell over us this time was far from comfortable. It was stifling, as if the air within the tiny vehicle was as rotten as the thick gas that we had dived inside to escape. From the expression that Wells made afterwards, it was obvious that he hadn't meant for these words to escape and he seemed to be struggling to find a way to ease the atmosphere again.

"You remember that time-"

"Remember that time you betrayed me and got my father executed?" Clarke snapped without missing a single beat and I was surprised at how easily this aggressive attitude came to her. "Yeah. I remember. Where we were? Fun." She stated casually as she returned her attention to Finn, who looked thoroughly lost for words.

"You don't need to worry about being fun, Clarke." I contributed in an effort to rescue the boys from drowning in awkwardness. "Bellamy certainly isn't fun. He's just too busy being self absorbed to care what anyone else is doing. What we actually need is someone to keep us alive. We haven't got many of those. It's far more important to have you for that." I defended, but my words fell on deaf ears as Clarke set her sights on attacking Wells.

"Well since you bought it up and I didn't because I don't want to talk about it. What were you thinking?" She interrogated, turning fully to face the boy in question.

Wells seemed entirely unprepared for this conversation. He opened his mouth several times to speak, but no words emerged. Whatever justification he had for his actions, it was clear that he knew they wouldn't be sufficient in the face of the person who had been most affected by them.

"I made a mistake, Clarke." He muttered after what seemed like hours caught in the void created by his lack of an answer, but his words only seemed to worsen her outrage.

"I made a mistake Clarke?" She repeated in disbelief, leaving me to start considering whether it might be worth sacrificing the whiskey afterall. "Not good enough. You know, I bet you couldn't wait to run to daddy, tell him everything so that he'd finally believe you were the perfect son he always wanted-"

"What do you want me to say?" Wells snapped, his voice exploding in the tiny space of the vehicle and I flipped back in my seat to meet his eyes in warning.

"I want an explanation." Clarke pleaded, her voice cracking with emotion.

"I don't know if now is the best time for this conversation." I advised, reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder but she sharply shook me away.

"I don't care. There is no good time and I'm sick of avoiding it." She yelled, squaring her shoulders as she stared down her target. "Why, Wells?"

"I can't give you an explanation." He conceded, shrugging awkwardly as he stared down at his feet in shame. "I thought I could trust him." He muttered, prompting Clarke to lean back into her seat with exasperation.

"Well I thought I could trust my best friend." She stated, her voice bitter and broken. "I guess we were both wrong."

"I'm still your friend." Wells argued, but she scoffed loudly at this.

"No, you're not!" She breathed in contempt. "If you were my friend, you'd walk out into that fog and never come back."

Although I could understand Clarke's emotions after the mess that Cian had caused in my life, I couldn't help being shocked. Finn caught my attention as we shared a silent concern for her. Wells looked as if he could crumble at any moment and at the risk of him opening a door to leave, I decided to take control of the situation.

"At this moment, I might beat you to it." I blurted without thinking, watching as Finn's reaction seemed to be caught somewhere between amusement and shock. "It's a good thing that I didn't let you keep the whiskey. This could almost have been awkward." I added, deciding to roll with the questionable humour that I had certainly picked up from Murphy and reminding myself to blame him for this later.

"You know, for a quiet girl you have plenty to say." Finn teased, his light chuckle easing the atmosphere just enough that we were able to successfully move Clarke's focus from her feud with Wells.

"I told you she's not quiet. That's just the surface level." She explained, glancing over at me with her best effort at a smile despite the heavy emotions that she felt. "Besides, she's friends with Murphy. You shouldn't be surprised by her sharp tongue." She added, only causing curiosity to dance across Finn's face.

"Yeah. I've noticed. You don't let people see it much, but you guys seem close." He began with a subtle question causing me to avoid meeting his prying eyes. "Seemed like there might be more to it when I found you in his tent the other day." He recounted mischievously and Clarke's eyes widened as she began to examine me too, as if she might see something that she had missed before.

"It's not like that. He was protecting my dignity then. I asked him to clean and dress the wound on my back. Honestly, there's more to him than most of you get to see." I defended, catching the two of them glancing at each other suspiciously. "Murphy was the only person who bothered with me at all in the Skybox. We get each other." I justified, fighting to keep a blush from reaching my cheeks as I recalled exactly what Finn had almost interrupted in the tent.

"It certainly seemed like you were getting each other then." He suggested, a wide smile spreading across his lips at the heat that filled my cheeks and I struggled to my feet to escape their invasive gazes.

"We should get some rest. We're going to have to hustle to get back to camp when the fog clears." I stated as I wiped at the window in the door, only to be disappointed to find that the threat hadn't even begun to pass yet. "We can take turns to keep an eye out for a clearing. I'll go first."

My time keeping watch was spent mulling over Finn's comments. I couldn't help examining my friendship with Murphy after the continued confusion of my fellow campmates. Regardless of my acknowledgement that there was a side of him that no one else knew, I couldn't deny that what we shared was unlikely. I also couldn't explain exactly what it was, or why it worked. All that I knew was that it just did.

When it came to my turn to sleep, the sense of restlessness that I'd already been feeling only grew worse. As hard as it had been to adjust to sleeping alone, in the last few days I'd come to believe that I had finally cracked it, but apparently the knowledge that Murphy wasn't even just a couple of tents away if I needed him made it impossible to relax.

I tossed and turned for hours, staying awake for long enough to hear Finn hand over to Wells. My eyes stung from exhaustion, but my mind continued to race with anxiety. It was only when I was shaken awake that I even realised that I had actually fallen asleep.

I bolted up to find Finn crouched over me with an apologetic expression. Behind him, Clarke was already preparing to open the door and I quickly pieced together that it was time for us to return to camp at last. I rushed to gather my things, securing my pack in place before getting into position right behind my friend.

"The fogs cleared." She announced when she poked her head outside and I breathed a sigh of relief at her confirmation. "Come on. Let's go. Jasper's waiting." She instructed urgently, wasting no time to begin marching away the moment that her feet landed in the dirt.

It took a concerted effort for me to catch up to her, but as I settled at her side, I noticed that the boys had taken the hint to allow her some space. Although she attempted to hide them behind her mask of determination, I could still sense the emotions from her outburst hanging in the air.

"I'm not going to push you to talk about it, or ask you to slow down, but you know that I'm here if you need to vent, right?" I offered, studying her for any sign that she might be willing to confide in me, but she shook her head sharply.

"I'm fine." She asserted, stomping forward in a way that was obviously fueled by anger.

"You seem it." I muttered, earning a scolding glare. "You don't have to play the strong leader with me, Clarke. I know how hard it is to be trapped here with Wells. If there's anything that I can do to help with that, you only have to ask." I clarified with my hands held up in mock surrender and I was relieved when her face finally softened.

"Thanks, Cassidy. I appreciate it, but right now I just want to get back to Jasper." She explained, leaving me to nod in agreement.

Navigating our way through the deep forest that all looked identical was always a challenge and we had to focus in order to make it back to camp. I was glad to be able to follow the others as I continued to scan the ground and trees for anything useful to collect. In fact, I was so enthralled by this task that I failed to notice when Clarke left my side.

It wasn't until I crouched to take a cutting of a nearby plant that I even realised that Wells was beside me. He waited patiently to ensure that I didn't get left behind by Clarke and Finn who were now deep in conversation and once I straightened up, he took up the role of navigator whilst I worked.

"You know, I feel like I've come across as unappreciative with you lately." He remarked, startling me with this unexpected branch of conversation. "I just wanted to tell you that I do realise how lucky we are to have you here." He continued, but I dropped my gaze to my feet.

When I took into consideration the combination of how badly his actions had hurt my friend and the lessons that Murphy had given me about being assertive, I was tempted to give him a piece of my mind. However, my growth had yet to reach the point where I felt capable of being rude. After a moment I swallowed my anger, opting instead to simply decline to answer him at all.

Before this silence could fester, a sharp scream sounded in the distance. I flinched so hard that I almost lost my balance and each of us paused in place to look to the others for a course of action. Another scream echoed through the trees, short but frantic and we broke into a scrambled run as we searched for its source.

I couldn't tell how long we had been running when we noticed a figure crouched in a lowered clearing. We were about to barge ahead when Clarke threw an arm out to half us, slowing herself to a stop just short of the open area.

"It's Bellamy. Give us a minute." She whispered, showing an awareness of whatever situation awaited us that hadn't reached me as I panted to catch my breath. "Cassidy. I think we're going to need you." She requested, creeping toward Bellamy from behind without any further explanation.

It was only when I began to approach him that I noticed the body collapsed on the ground beneath him. Whoever it was that had been laid out in the dirt, they were burned from head to toe, almost beyond recognition. It was clear that Clarke had been able to sense the distress in Bellamy as she placed herself opposite him delicately, but I found myself frozen to the spot in shock.

"I heard screams." She explained quietly as she scanned the extensive injuries of the person who she clearly intended to make my patient, before glancing up to wave me over to her.

Regardless of my efforts to support her, I couldn't bring myself to move. My heart hammered in my chest from the pressure that I piled onto myself. I had never been granted the experience to deal with injuries of this level and desperation that Clarke looked to me with only caused me to feel as if I were drowning in terror.

"Charlotte found him." Bellamy answered flatly, his hands visibly shaking even from this distance.

I shuddered at the thought of the bright young girl that I had met this morning witnessing something so horrifying. The more that I considered it, the worse my guilt became. If it hadn't been for the terror of Charlotte, we would never have been alerted to this emergency and my lack of action risked this entire trauma being for nothing.

Regardless of my capabilities, I knew that it was my responsibility to at least try to help. With shaking legs, I forced myself to take even a single step, then another and eventually I managed to drag myself over to join Clarke. I kneeled at her side, my leg bumping into hers and glanced up to find Bellamy's face drained of all colour.

"I sent her back to camp." He reported, his faze unfocused as he tried to continue, but even he seemed to be lost for words in the face of this tragedy.

When I found the courage to examine the boy who whimpered in pain between us, I felt my gut drop. Immediately, I recognised his disfigured face. Atom was burned to an extent that I had not previously known was possible to leave a living victim. His eyes were clouded over, skin covered in blisters. As he struggled to communicate, I noticed that blood stained his lips and grimaced.

"Can you do anything for him, Cassidy?" Clarke asked hopefully, turning her attention to me as a reprieve from Atom's suffering.

Reaching for my pack, my hands shook so badly that I could barely find the opening. Instead, I gripped the edge of the fabric and paused. There was no need to search through my supplies. I already knew that there was nothing within this bag that could assist with this level of harm.

There was no question that Atom would never see again. Even if we were able to provide him with suitable treatment, his skin would be permanently damaged. Due to the nature of the fog, I worried that he had likely sustained trauma internally too. If he had breathed in the gas for hours as he appeared to, then he would at least be unable to eat or drink, but at worst he could already be suffering from organ damage.

Regardless of my longing to ease his pain, the truth of the matter was that there was nothing my lack of experience and equipment could do for such an extreme ailment.

It was with undeniable sorrow that I shook my head at Clarke, unable to find the words to confirm what we both already knew. I could tell from the tears in her eyes that she understood what came next. Despite going against everything that we were taught to do for patients, we knew that it was immoral to extend his suffering.

"Okay." Clarke breathed, shuffling closer to Atom and softening her voice as she addressed him. "I'm gonna help you. Alright?"

There was a quiet strength about Clarke as she placed a hand on Atom's forehead. She gently stroked his hair, soothing his discomfort by humming a delicate song. It was as if this was a perfectly normal situation, rather than a decision that would likely haunt her for the rest of her life.

Bellamy seemed as if he was in awe of her, as he offered her the blade that he had been holding since we arrived. It only occurred to me now that he had been unable to grant the mercy that came so naturally to my friend. She took the weapon from his waiting hand and I felt a deep sense of shame when I turned my face away. I was unable to watch her do this, despite my acknowledgement that she was doing the right thing.

No amount of studying could prepare me for the reality of death. In my logical mind, I always knew that there would be patients that couldn't be saved, injuries that were too severe, casualties in the quest to return home. I had always told myself that this was a necessary evil in order to save lives. I liked to say that being distressed by their loss was a good thing, something that showed you had not lost your empathy, but in the moment of Atom's death it felt like little more than a burden.

The sound of the blade breaking into his skin burned into my mind. It stung of failure, of inadequacy and I knew that this was a memory that would stay with me forever; the first person that I couldn't help, but certainly not the last. I rose to my feet, walking delicately away from the leaders who barely hours ago had been battling for power, but now shared the responsibility of Atom's death in silence.

It was a battle to keep the guilt from physically crushing me under its weight. My feet carried me forward without any clear destination, anything that was away. I wiped at my eyes in a bid to prevent tears from overwhelming me, when something stopped me dead in my tracks.

Between the trees, and watching Clarke's actions from a distance, was Charlotte. Her little legs trembled from on the spot and tears ran freely from her cheeks. Every inch of her expression was filled with the horror of innocence that fizzled away.

This nauseating discovery returned my senses all at once and I rushed over to her side.

"Charlotte! You don't need to see this." I gasped as I placed a hand on her shoulder and she crumbled into me as if I was her safety in the storm.

Without thinking how she might react, I scooped her up with both arms. She naturally shifted into an embrace that wrapped all of her limbs around me and for a few moments it was as if she forgot her age, reverting to a much younger state. I couldn't help wondering when she had last received any significant kindness. Like many of us who were imprisoned in our youth, she seemed utterly starved of it.

Her face fell into the crook of my neck as her warm tears hit my skin. I squeezed her in return, placing a hand on the back of her head to provide her with the comfort that she so desperately needed.

"It's alright. You're safe." I whispered, holding her tightly as I strained to soothe her. "Come on. Let's get you back to camp."