A/N should I have studied instead of writing this chapter? Probably. Do I care? No.
As they got closer to where Merlin said the Dolma lived, he felt his palms get sweatier. It was almost time. Riding ahead of the rest of the knights, he didn't notice when Lancelot moved his horse next to him.
There was a seriousness to Lancelot's mannerisms now, which hadn't been there for the past two days.
Leaning over in his saddle, Lancelot whispered in Merlin's ear, "Is there anything that I can do?"
Merlin looked at his friend and laughed, "Well, if you could somehow keep the others busy for the next hour or two, that would be delightful."
"I can do that," Lancelot replied, his eyebrow now raised. "However, I would like to know how you plan on tackling this one. I know you're powerful, but surely even you can't split yourself in two?"
Merlin closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath, "That will be something that I should figure out at a later date, but for now I think it's best if we pretend that I'm going on ahead to speak with her alone."
Lancelot shook his head, "You'll never get the rest of them to agree to that. And besides, Gwaine will probably try and follow you anyway."
"Perhaps, if you were to come with me," Merlin started slowly. "We could say that the Dolma is a recluse, and doesn't like many visitors. The others will agree if you come with me."
Lancelot reined in his horse, and Merlin stopped beside him, waiting for his friend's answer while the rest of the knights caught up with them.
Nodding, Lancelot replied, "I think that's the best course of action."
"What's the best course of action?"
Both Lancelot and Merlin looked up in surprise, neither had realised that the knights had caught up with them so quickly.
In answer to Gwaine's question Lancelot replied, "Merlin thinks it best if we camp, and he and I press on to meet the sorceress alone. She's a recluse, and doesn't like many visitors. And I doubt that she would take too kindly to having the majority of her visitors being knights of Camelot."
Gwaine made to protest, but was quickly stopped by Leon.
"Lancelot and Merlin are right, if we all go in there, there is no telling how she may react."
Sighing in frustration, Gwaine watched as Merlin and Lancelot continued on foot to find the elusive sorceress.
They had been walking for almost half an hour, before Lancelot broke the silence.
"Do you want to talk about it, or shall I?"
"What?"
Merlin turned to look at Lancelot confused. He had no idea what the other man was talking about, as far as he was aware there was nothing to talk about. Here he and Lancelot were, pretending to find an elusive sorceress, who was actually just Merlin in disguise, so that their other friends wouldn't suspect a thing.
Sighing, Lancelot shook his head in frustration. Sometimes he wondered how Merlin survived ten years in Camelot without anyone finding out.
"Why you still continue this... this facade?"
Merlin stopped where he was, completely frozen in place. Lancelot stood a few metres ahead, observing the warlock. In his mind it didn't make sense, sure, Morgana wasn't dead yet, but she knew now didn't she? All about Merlin's magic and everything else in between. There was nothing stopping her from using this as leverage against Merlin if she ever found out that he still hadn't told Arthur.
"I… I can't, Lance," Merlin breathed. "It's been so long, I'm not sure I would know where to begin."
Slumping, Merlin collapsed onto a nearby boulder, "It's been so hard, you live in fear for so long, and one day, when it comes to being truthful, it is harder than anything in this world."
"You know I will always support you in whatever you decide to do," Lancelot began softly. "But, Merlin, I do believe that it is time that Arthur should know. You will never get a better chance than this. Merlin, he actually wants to sit down and have a proper conversation with the Dolma. Don't you think that he's ready? That maybe he might actually listen to you if you explain it to him? I just fear for you, my friend. This path you are heading down will lead to more secrets and lies, and you can't be both Merlin and the Dolma. I do worry about what being both of them at the same time could do to you."
Merlin sat quietly through Lancelot's impassioned speech, his heart both clenching in worry for his friend, but also filling with warmth.
Suddenly, he felt inexplicably tired. All these years, he had been so afraid of what may happen if Arthur found out, but it could be the truth that Lancelot had spoken, Arthur did deserve to know about Merlin's secret.
But not yet.
Shaking his head, Merlin rose from his position on the boulder, standing up straight, decision made.
"I can't, Lance, not yet," at this, Merlin had to stop Lance's attempt at a response. "I know what you're going to say, but hear me out. I know these past years cannot have been easy on you, keeping my secret in the very place where they would see my head on a plate for it. But, don't you see, Lancelot, for once, once in this whole war, we finally have the upper hand. Morgana believes she has won. She believes Emrys, believes me, to not have my magic back. And when she finally strikes, I can finally finish this once and for all. If I was to tell Arthur about my magic now, it would get out into the rest of Camelot, and Morgana would most definitely hear about it. For now, may I ask that you keep my secret just a little bit longer?"
Lancelot closed his eyes and smiled. He had tried, but damn the strategy lessons he had taken from Leon, he completely understood the advantageous position it would put Merlin in if Morgana believed Merlin not to have magic anymore.
"I would follow you through the fires of hell and back, my friend," Lancelot replied, holding out his hand to shake Merlin's in agreement.
In silence, the two friends sat for the next few minutes, mulling over everything that had happened to bring them to this point.
It was a couple more seconds before Merlin asked, "Do you think that would be enough time for us to have found the Dolma?"
"Nah, I want to see just how frustrated we can make Gwaine get."
Laughing, Merlin sat down, patting the boulder next to him in an offer to Lancelot, "Well, it might be best we get comfortable, we don't want to disappoint, do we?"