Feelings and Visions

I remembered falling to the ground after letting Shiala go, but nothing after that. When I woke up staring at the roof of the Normandy's med-bay for the second time there was nothing there to tell me anything that had happened between then and now. Except for Tali. I looked over to see her approaching me quickly,

"You're awake! I was so… um… we were so worried."

"Tali," I said hoarsely, "glad you're here. What happened? Did everyone get out ok? What about the colony? Are the Geth…"

Tali laid a reassuring hand on my chest to calm me down,

"Everyone is fine; thanks to you. The colonists of Zhu's Hope are all ok and Shiala is helping them in any way she can. The Geth are finished, well, on Feros at least. You saved them Scott, no one else could have done that without a lot more innocent people losing their lives."

"I couldn't let that happen," I shook my head, which made it throb even harder, "we start settling for the fastest and easiest route every time and we're no better than murderous traitors like Saren."

I had sat up by this point and my blood was boiling, but Tali silenced me again and lay me back down,

"How are you feeling?" her kind voice said.

"Like hell," then I looked at her, her eyes wide and shining, "but better with you here."

She said nothing, but I could tell that her heart rate peaked for a moment. I softly placed my hand on top of hers,

"Tali… I…" I had suddenly come to realise how much I felt drawn to the Quarian, and seeing her standing there I wondered if she felt the same way towards me.

"Are you ok?" I eventually said. Tali looked away thoughtfully and then came closer to me,

"It's strange. I never thought I'd find myself in the middle of a warzone; but I would look around me and see Garrus and Wrex, Kaidan and Ashley… and you. Even with all the gunfire and death all around us you all remained so focused, so calm. I had to follow that example set for me. It made me feel safe and strong at the same time. I felt like I could really help to make a difference."

I got off of the bed and stood next to her,

"You did great down there, Tali! You'll make a marine yet."

She laughed,

"Not quite. But with that data you let me send to the Migrant Fleet my Pilgrimage is completed; I'll be a full-fledged adult when I return home."

Tali was ecstatic, and even behind the helmet I knew she was smiling from ear to ear. However, she calmed herself down and looked at me again, sliding her hand up my arm,

"But not yet. Only when Saren has been dealt with, and only then! I'm in this fight to the end now."

Overcome with joy and forgetting who I was for a moment I hugged her tightly and held her to me. I gently stroked the side of her hood, the soft fabric feeling like silk against my fingers,

"Just while it's you and me here, I need to tell you something."

"Yes?" she said quietly. I caught a hint of hope in her voice. What was I going to say to her? I had been in a couple of relationships in my life but never had I felt so strongly about anyone so quickly. Every time I looked at Tali, I felt a tugging sensation in my heart. Her voice and infectious laughter could make a world of grey come alive in a blaze of colours. It had only been a short time that we had known each other and yet I felt as if I had been wanting to tell her how I felt for years, constantly holding back and letting the pressure build up inside me day after day.

"I don't know how you've done it," I said with a nervous smile, "but you've become… I mean… you're very important to me Tali. I couldn't imagine doing this without you. Bringing you on the Normandy is one of the best calls I've made."

I could tell she was touched by my words as she bounced a little on her feet,

"I feel the same way, Scott. Ever since you rescued me in the Wards, I've wanted nothing else than to be right here with you."

She looked up at me with her bright eyes,

"The funny part is that I tried to deny it at first. I told myself "We only met recently. You've just got a little crush. He's Human." I thought I was being silly, told myself that it would never work. But… I hope I'm wrong."

"We'll have time, at some point. We could figure something out and… I hope you're wrong too." We held each other for a little longer; no other feeling in my life so far could compare to that moment.

Once we had had our quiet moment together, I had to force myself to remember that there was a mission to attend to. So, despite the migraine and my aching body, I called my team to the Comm room and we settled down to discuss what we had uncovered; there was much to discuss.

"So, what exactly did we gain from all that?" Ashley asked, "all we have is more visions that the Commander can't make any sense of."

"Shiala said it would take time," I said, "and it would be the same for Saren. He used the Thorian for its knowledge and connection to the Protheans, then ordered his Geth to destroy it before anyone else, meaning us, could find and use it."

"But he didn't count on the Thorian defending itself with the colonists," Kaidan said, "strange to think the Thorian actually helped us in that way."

"Everything this team gets stuck into is strange," Garrus concluded.

The colonists were all free from the Thorian and we had not had to kill any of them. A few had bumps and bruises from us defending ourselves, but thankfully the colonists were more than forgiving about the issue considering that we had defeated the Geth for them. All things considered; the mission had been a success and all of us had come back alive.

"Joker," I said over the comm, "set a course for Noveria. Everyone else; get some rest. If the reports are accurate there'll be Geth waiting for us there too."

"The fun never ends on this trip," Wrex laughed pleasantly.

My friends stood to leave and Kaidan gave me a congratulatory slap on the back as he left. I watched them leave the comm room one by one; I had always been an advocate of peace and unity between all of the Council races, but was always privately sceptical on whether or not it could truly be achieved. Now, I watched Humans, a Turian, an Asari, a Krogan and a Quarian leave together; chatting amongst themselves and bonding as brothers and sisters in arms. It was nice to be able to believe in a better tomorrow.

I stood alone in the comm room as the Council members formed in front of me through from their own offices hundreds of light years away on the Citadel.

"Another interesting report you have sent us Commander," The Salarian Councillor began immediately, "This Thorian sounds like an intriguing creature. Perhaps it could have been saved for study."

"With all due respect, The Thorian liked to enslave the minds of those around it, Councillor," I replied as courteously as I could.

"It is gone," the Asari came in, "the Thorian is irrelevant now, for better or for worse. What can you tell us about this Cipher you retrieved?"

"The Thorian was around at the time of the Protheans; as they died and their bodies laid to rest it fed on them. Through them it received their memories, their very life force. Through an Asari, via your people's melding ability, Saren was able to extract the information from the Thorian. The same Asari gave me the Cipher as well after I freed her. It… may take time, but the Cipher will help me understand my visions as a Prothean would."

"Visions again?" the Turian said, "and what if these "visions" turn out to be nothing?"

"If that's the case, then Saren will also find them as useless and we don't need to worry. However," I said, "the message that the Protheans sent through that beacon was something of high import! That I can be sure of."

The Salarian and Turian Councillors seemed to be satisfied, or had heard enough, and they left the conversation.

"Commander," the Asari Councillor said quietly, "I assume that you will be on your way to Noveria next?"

"Yes Councillor."

"Then there's something you should know: Matriarch Benezia has been sighted at the spaceport and reportedly headed out to one of the research facilities a few days ago. Nothing has been seen or heard of her since. I just thought you should know."

"Thank you, for all your help," I said before closing the comm.

With that over, it was time for some rest. I went to my room, washed up, and sank into my bed and was asleep within seconds. Dreams of Elysium, the hordes of Batarians coming at me started almost straight away. Something, however, was different about this nightmare: The Batarians slowly turned into other creatures, they were blurry and I could not discern them clearly, but they were definitely synthetic in origin. Whereas my nightmares of Elysium usually had the men and women that I had fought with that day beside me, now I was all alone on a charred, shell-cratered landscape with not another soul to be seen. The sky was red with fire and I was exhausted, and as I put up my last resistance a huge shadow fell across the ground. It was the ship that I had seen taking off from the spaceport on Eden Prime; enormous, sleek, black and with its legs folding out from underneath it. The ship landed on the surface and the world shook, and as I stared hopelessly up at it there came a beam of red light from the great metal beast, and the world ended.

I sat up, gasping for air and fighting not to scream out loud. Checking my watch, I was horrified to see that only fifty minutes had gone by. I needed something to focus on so I grabbed my computer and began filing reports and mission review; anything mundane that I could distract myself with. However, I soon stopped and grabbed my guitar and began playing a series of songs, easy going and relaxing to calm my mind. I had just finished when there was a knock at the door followed by a shy voice,

"Commander? May I see you for a moment?"

I opened the door for Liara and she stepped inside, seeming rather unsure but urgent.

"How are you, Liara? Did you get some rest?" I asked as I walked back to my bed and moved my guitar away.

"Yes, thank you. I have a healthy new respect for the endurance of soldiers in battle now."

I laughed a little, "that was just a small-scale skirmish compared to some of the things I've seen. I imagine Wrex will have seen bigger still."

"A Krogan well over a thousand years old? Most definitely," she stopped and smiled at me before asking, "Commander. I have been thinking about the Cipher and the visions you have been seeing since Eden Prime. I may be able to help."

I looked up at her, a jolt of hope shooting through me,

"How?"

"If you would allow me to join our minds, meld our nervous systems together so that I may see the visions for myself. With my knowledge of the Protheans I might be able to make sense of it for you."

I was hesitant, any time I had had my mind "melded" by anyone or anything it usually knocked me cold for a few hours and left me feeling like death for a day or two afterwards. I shook it off and stood next to her,

"Are you sure?"

"I would not put you in harm's way Scott," her big blue eyes stared into mine and I saw the truth in them, I could trust her. I nodded and closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind and calm myself before she linked our consciousness together.

I felt her smooth hands on my cheeks and heard her whispering a series of words to herself before I felt a warm, soothing sensation wash slowly over me. Then, with a rush the visions came screaming into my head once again; death, blood, innocents dying by the millions while the machines tore them to pieces. Nowhere was safe, there was no safe place in the galaxy to look to, no hope, no salvation. The only lights in the galaxy were those caused by the burning of entire worlds and all civilisations.

I could feel myself slipping away as the scenes fired through my mind but Liara released me and I opened my eyes to find myself back in the Commander's Quarters again, feeling surprisingly alright considering what I had just revisited. Liara's eyes were two orbs of clear black that slowly returned to their normal baby-blue and gazed back at me. Where I was feeling fine, she seemed tired and hunched all of a sudden,

"Liara? You ok?"

She rubbed her head and softly said,

"I am sorry Commander, the joining is exhausting for me."

"Sit down for a moment," I took her over to my bed and sat her down before parking myself in my desk chair, "did you find anything?"

Liara took a few deep breaths before speaking,

"It is a warning message, or at least part of one. It was sent out across the entire Prothean Empire, telling of an invasion of some kind. There are pieces of it missing though, I… cannot tell you much more than that at the moment I am afraid."

"It's ok Liara, it was worth a try. Did you find out about the invasion? Was it the Reapers? Is there anything about the Conduit?"

Liara shook her head again,

"Perhaps if we could find the missing parts of the message then we can find the Conduit."

"Thanks, Liara, we have a bit more now than we did five minutes ago at least. Go and get more rest if you need it."

She said goodbye and left, dragging her feet as if she had just run a marathon. As she left, I contemplated telling her about her mother being on Noveria, but decided that she was drained enough as she was right then. However, as I dwelt on Matriarch Benezia and Liara I had the sudden urge to contact my own parents back in Scotland. The dangerous nature of this mission really made me consider talking to them for a good while, just in case it was my last chance. I went to the Comm room and patched in their home address in the little town, the quiet haven where I had grown up as a youth before I joined the Alliance.

The screen flickered into life as my dad answered; he was still wearing his fire-fighters uniform from having just returned from work,

"Hello?" he said, squinting at his screen until he recognised me, "Scott! How you doing son?"

"I'm good dad, cheers. How about you? What's happening back home?"

"Oh, you know, nothing really happens around here. Anyway, I've got a bone to pick with you," he laughed heartily, "why's this the first of us hearing from you? My son becomes some Spectre big-shot and I don't hear from you until three weeks later? What's wi' that?"

I laughed, it was good to hear him again, that warm fatherly tone a huge reprieve, "Sorry dad, been busy. There's a lot of… stuff going on and they've got me policing the galaxy."

"Always said you'd be better staying on Earth, didn't I?"

"You did that."

"I just hope you're taking care of yourself son, we both think about you every day. In fact, I'll go get your mum the now."

He hurried out of the living room, their cat raised her head from her bed on the sofa to see what the disturbance was, and both of my parents came back in.

"Hi Scott, so good to see you," my mother said happily.

"Good to see you as well guys. Just saying to dad that I know I've not been in contact for a while but the Council's been keeping me busy."

"Your dad teasing, was he? We both saw the vid of you being made a Spectre; well done, we're so proud of you!"

"Thanks," I said, knowing that they could not have even the slightest idea of what I was up against.

"So, we heard you have your own ship now," dad said with a smile on his face, "my son the Commander!"

"Yeah," I said and waved my hand at the room around me, "I'm on it right now. I wish I could tell you about it."

"I know, I know; classified," dad laughed, "so you working with any of those aliens then?"

"Robert!" mum sent a sharp look his way, "don't say it like that. They are our friends now."

"Like those Batarians that tried to kill our boy?" dad sent back, only half joking.

This always happened, they both had differing views on the other races of our galaxy, but I had learned to step in to stop them,

"Yeah, it's a multi-racial team I've got, and they're all the very best at what they do. They're my team and I trust every one of them. But anyway, how's Sophie?"

Mum and dad quickly forgot about the brewing argument and smiles returned to both of their faces,

"Your sister's fine. Still studying away in Aberdeen, says she wants to go to the Citadel once she has her degree," mum told me. "She wants to find out everything there is about every race there is. Maybe you could help her, send her some information on working closely with Turians and Asari and… well, any other species?"

"There's a Krogan and…" as I thought of Tali I could not help but smile, "a Quarian as well."

"A Krogan?" dad sounded surprised, "thought they hated everyone."

"There are Krogan that hate everyone and Krogan that like everyone, just like Humans, dad. The Krogan fighting with me is over fifteen hundred years old, he's got some incredible stories; you'd like him."

"Wow," he sounded genuinely impressed, "well if you have a quiet bit in your schedule maybe you could come back home for a wee spell and bring your friends along."

"Maybe I'll do that. Anyway, it was great to see you but I had better go. Duty calls."

"On you go son," dad answered, "and remember that we're always here if you need us, we're proud of you and hope you can get home soon!"

"Love you Scott," mum added.

"Love you guys too, see you later."

My parents' happy faces flickered and flashed and then were gone, and I was the Commander of the Normandy again. Back to reality. I loved my dad, but his antagonism towards the alien races could sometimes bother me. Ever since the battle on Elysium he had never been able to bring himself to accept the other species and wanted as little to do with them as possible. However, I could forgive him, as I knew that if he were actually to meet my team, he would see them for who they were; incredible and relatable individuals. My father was too nice a man to hold grudges against those that proved themselves trustworthy.

As I pondered this my thoughts returned to Tali once again, she had really become important to me. I had never heard of a successful relationship between Quarians and Humans, or many species for that matter, but if there was something between Tali and I then I was damn sure going to try. She was worth it. For the moment, however, I was still desperately tired and with a more relaxed frame of mind I did not feel afraid of sleeping at that moment.

Now and again, there was the flash of fire, scenes of huge machines shaking cities to the ground and killing everyone they found without remorse. This time, however, they passed quickly and when I woke a few hours later I felt calm, renewed and ready to go again. I headed to Joker on the Bridge to get an ETA for Noveria and went to do my rounds of the ship, chatting with my people and making sure morale was kept up among them.

Garrus was off duty and sleeping in the crew quarters while Ashley and Kaidan sat together and talked away to each other; talking family and friends, childhood dreams and joining the Alliance. When I joined them, they greeted me and we bantered about rubbish for a while, but I soon got the feeling that I may have been interrupting something between the two of them and so I politely took my leave. Liara had also had a good rest and was back on her computer scouring every word of her notes and papers on the Protheans, looking for anything that might help us, anything to get us ahead in this game of cat and mouse that Saren was making us play.

When I got down to the hanger, I was surprised to see Wrex and Tali bonding; Wrex was showing Tali a quick reloading technique for shotguns and seemed to be having fun with the young Quarian.

"Scott," Wrex bellowed when he saw me, "little Tali here's not too bad when she's got a real warrior to show her how guns work."

"And what about a cranky old Krogan?" I joked.

"look," Tali said with excitement as she raised the shotgun and fired the blank cartridge. In rapid succession she fired off multiple shots before she lost her hold on the gun and dropped it on the floor. She picked it up bashfully while Wrex and I chuckled,

"Good job Wrex," I mocked.

"Hey," Tali said, "I'll get it. Give me a week and maybe I could even keep up with great Alliance war hero Gardner."

I knew that under her helmet she was wearing a cheeky smile and I shrugged,

"Maybe… but only if Wrex stops teaching you how to lose your weapon."

"Ha. Not something I would usually let people off with," Wrex stated, "but you're alright Gardner. Anyway," the big Krogan stretched, his massive bulk taking up most of my field of vision, "even true soldiers like me need to sleep. See you kids later."

He went away to his quarters and left Tali and I alone,

"I didn't expect Wrex to start making friends with all of us, not me anyway," Tali said happily.

"Well… you have that effect on people."

"I'm beginning to sense that," she laughed.

I reached for her hand and motioned for her to follow me to a quiet corner,

"I've been thinking, Tali, about what we were talking about earlier," I started, she looked at me as if wondering what was coming next, "Do you think we could work? Honestly, I know that I want to try, I care about you Tali. But I've never heard of Quarians having an easy time with people from other species."

"It's true," she agreed, "but those other Quarians weren't me, and their partners were not you. I want to try with you, and I think that we can make it work."

I drew her into me, holding her tenderly,

"Good. I just wanted to make sure of what both of us wanted."

I looked straight into her glittering eyes,

"well… next time you're off duty, maybe you could stop by my cabin and we could try having a little date?"

It was cheesy and the names I was calling myself with my inside voice were less than complimentary, but Tali liked the sound of it and nodded enthusiastically before adding,

"A nice movie night would be better than following you around some war-torn planet anyway!"

As much as I wanted to take her back with me to my room there and then, I knew that Noveria was not too far away. Soon we would be gearing up and setting off on again, chasing after a powerful Asari Matriarch who undoubtedly would have a guard detail with her, though I was still unsure how she could get Geth onto the planet undetected. Going over the vague reports forwarded to me by the Council I struggled to find a reason for Benezia to be there; what place did Noveria hold on Saren's agenda? All information that I had on Noveria was that it was a series of highly valuable research stations owned and operated by several, supposedly, highly respected industries. What each company did at their own research stations was kept secret and no one interfered with each other's work. On top of that, it was common knowledge that corruption ran deep on Noveria, but nobody did anything about it; it was the name of the game.