Arthur closed his eyes and heaved a deep sigh. He had been silently rehearsing what he was going to say, but that didn't make it any easier. Opening the door, he found Merlin unpacking from the trip, humming under his breath. Humming! How long had it been since Arthur had been annoyed by Merlin's incessant need to hum while he worked? The answer disturbed Arthur, since he couldn't actually remember when Merlin had stopped. Arthur sighed, he would just have to add it to his list of things to ask the man.

Clearing his throat, he stepped further into the chambers, and Merlin looked up, surprised to see him.

"Is everything ok, Arthur?" The confusion was evident on Merlin's face. Then it turned to exasperation. "I just got back, surely whatever you need can wait another hour or so while I unpack?"

"I didn't come here to talk about me, Merlin," Arthur said, matching the younger man's tone of voice. But just as quickly as Merlin's expression changed, so did Arthur's. He needed to know what was wrong with his friend. "I came here to talk about you."

Merlin snorted, and turned away for a second, almost disbelieving in his attitude. But when Arthur didn't make some joking remark, about, well anything, he grew serious, and he turned back round to face Arthur, his eyes searching to see if Arthur was telling the truth.

It was quite amazing how Merlin knew how to react to Arthur's moods. If it had been any other day, Arthur was sure Merlin would have bantered back about having to wash his socks or something. But not today. Arthur was deadly serious, and well, maybe a tiny bit nervous.

Sitting down on the nearby bench, Arthur gestured for Merlin to take a seat as well.

Grumbling slightly at the need to unpack, Merlin sat down, plopping himself down, all the while fixing Arthur with a confused look of exasperation.

Wringing his hands, Arthur felt the lump in his throat rise. He had told Guinevere all of what had happened, what he had said to Merlin before the battle, and his further attempts to talk to Merlin. She had been rather proud of him when he said he wanted to apologise, but now that he was here, he found his mind empty of everything that he wanted to say.

"I wanted to say sorry," blinking, Arthur looked up, surprised to hear Merlin say that. He was the one supposed to apologise, not Merlin!

"What for?" Arthur was genuinely confused. What exactly had Merlin done to warrant an apology?

Merlin waved his hand vaguely around in the air, which, from many years of friendship Arthur knew to be his signal for when he was searching for words.

"I wasn't by your side for the battle," Merlin began, his eyes downcast, his body language screaming guilt. "I mean, I've always been by your side, helping you, protecting you," Arthur snorted in derision. "I just felt like I let you down, not being there, and I, I just wanted to apologise."

Merlin sighed and ran his hand through his hair, a growing sense of frustration on his face. This was just as hard for Merlin as it was for Arthur.

"You don't have to apologise, Merlin, in fact, it really should be me apologising to you. What I said, before the battle, you know I meant nothing by it, Merlin?"

Merlin's eyes were glassy, and it took Arthur a second to realise that his own vision was fogging up.

Merlin didn't respond, so Arthur ploughed on, "You're the best friend I have ever had, Merlin. I would never expect you to run into any danger just to follow me. You've proven yourself to be the most brave, loyal and honest person I know, and that won't ever change. I don't want you to ever change. I just, I want you to be you."

For a few seconds, Merlin didn't say anything, except just sit there, and stare at Arthur in shock. To be fair, it wasn't exactly like Arthur had ever been this open, or honest about his feelings. Except maybe with Guinevere. But that was besides the point. He and Merlin had traipsed around the topic of being friends and what they really thought about each other for years. Everything, every little moment that either one of them could have chosen to express exactly what Arthur had expressed to Merlin just now had been layered with jokes about each other, and constant banter.

But after everything that had happened, and Arthur's new realisations, he finally understood that he had to stop running from everything, and actually listen as well as fight.

Which was why he was sitting here now, in Gaius' and Merlin's shared chambers, feeling very uncomfortable as he waited for Merlin to respond.

Merlin began very softly, that at first, Arthur almost didn't hear him.

"I never thought that what you said was in any way meant to be cruel, Arthur," Merlin wasn't looking at him, but instead at his hands, which were fidgeting slightly on the table. "I know you too well Arthur Pendragon for that. I know you were hurting, and I know that you don't expect me to be by your side for everything, especially when it gets dangerous. But I do. Not out of a sense of duty, not because I have to , but because I want to. I would have stood by your side at that battle if I had been given the option. But I had a chance, a chance to help change the tide of the battle, and I know that it was foolish and reckless among other things, but I couldn't lose you. You're my friend, Arthur, and while you may be a prat and a complete ass, I am happy to stay by your side. I would follow you into any battle, through any quest, not because you are my king and I your servant, but because you're my friend. Because, no matter what happens, Arthur Pendragon, you will always be my friend first, and my king second."

Arthur could feel a lump in his throat, his face wet, and he could see that Merlin's was too.

This was supposed to be about Arthur apologising to Merlin, not Merlin making a huge speech about how loyal he was to Arthur! Brushing away the tears which were threatening to spill, Arthur stood. He had of course come here knowing that Merlin would most definitely forgive him, but never in this manner.

The two of them stood awkwardly facing each other, the weight of what both of them had admitted to each other finally settling down into silence. Arthur felt like a massive weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, but simultaneously felt the weight of guilt come back. What had he done to deserve such a loyal and honest friend?

Arthur took a step forwards. This was going to be difficult, and both he and Merlin knew it. Usually, they would both skirt around this topic, but now, now it was an open wound, weeping with blood. Perhaps not the best analogy to go with, but it was the only one that came to mind.

So, before he could change his own mind, Arthur Pendragon did something he had only done once before.

He hugged Merlin.

The hug felt different from the first time, namely because Merlin hadn't been dumped in a bog previously, but there was more warmth to it. Merlin's arms had wrapped around him, and were scrunching up the back of his clothes. Not that Arthur minded, not really. It was sort of how he would have thought siblings would hug one another. Comfortable, with a sense of familial protection.

And then of course the door had to open.

"Merlin, I've just go-"

Quickly, Arthur pulled away from the hug to see Lancelot stood at the door, surprise flashing across his features, before he nodded, and proceeded into the room, his arms full of books from the library.

Merlin didn't look at all surprised to see Lancelot, as if he had been expecting him, just simply nodding, a little bit dazed if anything.

Suddenly, Arthur got the overwhelming urge that he wasn't wanted in the room, nodding once at Merlin, and perhaps he mumbled something along the lines of "good chat", before promptly exiting the room.

But something was nagging him at the back of his mind. What exactly were the two of them up to?