A/N: A different AU, in which Lily takes an immediate dislike to Rose and does not approve of Damon's relationship with her.

I've had this written for a while, but have been debating whether to post it or not. I think it's funny enough to put in this collection as a humor piece. (Although I have a feeling some of my readers might not see it the same way...)

~ Shards of Sapphire ~

"I want that harlot out of my house!"

"Mom, that's Damon's wife you're talking about," Stefan protested. "Don't call her a harlot. Is that the way you talk about Elena when I'm not around?"

"Of course not," Lily rushed to reassure him. "Elena is a lovely young woman with good manners." Then she made a face and said, "Rose is just so-" Lily struggled to find a polite way to phrase what she wanted to say. "...uncouth."

"Yeah, well, you know... Rose was a medieval peasant in her human life, and then spent five hundred years on the run from the Originals, so I think we can cut her a little bit of slack for not having learned proper manners. She really loves Damon and has been a stabilizing influence on him since they got together."

Lily stared at her son for a few long moments.

"She what?!"

Unsure which part of what he'd said his mother was reacting to, Stefan repeated, "She really loves Damon and has been a stabilizing influence on him since they got together."

"No, what you said before that."

"Uh... the medieval peasant part, or the part about being on the run from the Originals for five hundred years?" Stefan asked apprehensively.

He wasn't sure his mother actually knew who/what the Originals even were, since most of her vampire life had been spent either as a Ripper or isolated in a prison world.

"Are you telling me that Rose is over five hundred years old?"

"You didn't know that already?"

"I assumed she was modern woman, turned sometime in the last few decades."

He could see how his mother had ended up making that assumption if no one had ever mentioned anything about Rose's past to her.

"She does like 90s music a lot," Stefan said. "But, you know, it's easy to keep up with the times when you actually live through them... and weren't trapped in a prison world for a hundred years."

~oOo~