Carlisle's POV
Halfway through the paperback I'm reading, I catch the scent of my son. I know he's quietly standing outside my office door. Which is his habit when he wants to speak to me about something important but doesn't want to disturb me.
"Come in." Putting my bookmark in place on the page I'm reading, I call to him.
Without a sound, the door opens, and Edward slowly enters the room. Right away I notice a mixture of irritation and guilt painted on his face, all the while he holds the puberty book away from him, clutched in between his thumb and index finger. The way he carries it makes it look more like an explosive device than a piece of literature. I can't imagine why.
Seeing he needs to talk; I close up my paperback.
"Was the book helpful?" I wonder as he approaches my desk.
He shakes his head. "Not really. Thank you for this...er...book. But I won't be needing it anymore." He places it in front of me on top of my desk.
Dumbfounded that the puberty book wasn't helpful, I look back and forth between him and the book. I was certain that it would be informative and useful to him. I wonder why he doesn't want it.
'Why is that?' I silently ask.
"It has dangerous information in it." Edward answers, his tone is reserved, and he looks very blameworthy.
"Dangerous information?" I repeat, puzzled.
I'm not sure what he could be talking about. In all the years I've had that puberty guide, I never read through it, only flipped through the pages and skimmed through it when I first purchased it. Though, I can't imagine it having anything slightly dangerous anywhere in the educational text. After all, it is for children. What could possibly be dangerous about it?
"It's very dangerous." He says stubbornly, reading my thoughts.
Feeling very confused and sensing there is more behind his words, I gesture with a wave of my hand to either of the two chairs that are placed in front of my desk. Reluctantly, he goes over to the chair on the right. He quickly sits, looking a bit uncomfortable and waiting for me to speak.
"Can you please clarify what you mean by "dangerous information"?" I ask, hoping to better understand him.
Edward's eyes don't meet mine. He looks down as he mumbles something unintelligible.
Curious about his slightly odd behavior, I question again.
As rigid as can be, Edward doesn't move as he tries to make eye contact with me. His golden eyes meet mine. "There's a paragraph in it that is very harmful. And it's an outright lie. It says..." He begins to explain but falls short.
His words have my attention, I want to know what he could be referring to. 'Son, what do you mean?' I silently ask him.
Often Edward is more willing to answer a difficult question if I ask it in my mind instead of out loud. He's always been that way and I pray he won't disappoint me right now when I need more information to connect the dots.
"It has a page that says masturbation is very natural and perfectly fine to do. But it's not." Edward explains in a tone full of disgrace.
I nod my head in understanding. He's words from earlier now make more sense to me. Though I don't agree with what he says, I now have a better understanding of what he means and why he wants nothing to do with the book that will probably be helpful for him to read.
"Ah." I sigh, placing my hand under my chin. "This is where the morals from a century ago collide with society's current morals."
"How could that be?" Edward wonders in disbelief. "I don't remember anything from my time as a human." He reminds me.
That is true. Since the day he woke up to his new life he has had no memory of his past. I still am not sure why that is. I was fascinated and a bit concerned by that since I had never known a vampire before him that had amnesia. Eventually though, we found another one when Alice and Jasper joined our family, she is unable to remember her human life too. I'm not sure why that is either.
"Even so." I begin thoughtfully, thinking about what he said. "The morals that were instilled in you when you were a human teenager are still there." I tap my index and middle fingers to my temple. He nods. "As a doctor I assure you that masturbation is normal."
Edward is silent, he sits there screwing up his mouth to one side. I assume he's considering my words as I hear the front door open and hear my wife's dainty footsteps on the hardwood floor. I can only guess that she figured enough time has passed to enter the house.
"That doesn't seem right." He says after a while. His eyes look sad and a bit unsure, and his tone has a stubborn child-like edge to it.
"It is. Especially for teenagers such as yourself." I reassure him.
Edward is shaking his head now. Disagreeing with what I'm saying.
Looking at my son and wanting him to understand that there is nothing wrong with self-pleasure, I begin to think back to my most recent medical training. A bit too embarrassed to speak the words out loud, I silently list all the benefits that masturbation has to offer someone who doesn't have a partner or is not yet sexually active.
"No, it's not. It's not alright." Edward interrupts my thoughts. "It's horrible and I think I devirginized myself." His words are fast, and panic stricken. "I'm a bad person, a pervert. I took the advice from that sickening book," He spats out, shakes his head. "I thought about fondling Bella's breast while I played with myself." He shivers in disgust.
Expressionless, I stare at him. My thoughts are in coherence. I was definitely not expecting him to reveal that kind of information to me.
Downstairs I hear Esme gasp in shock. Her rapid footsteps echo throughout the house as the front door opens and closes. Once again, she's out of the house while I'm left to explain an embarrassing topic to our youngest son.
"Great Mom heard me." Edward moans uncomfortably. "This day just keeps getting better and better." He says sarcastically. Immediately he hides his face in his hands.
Unable to speak or form a logical thought I rub my temples with my index fingers. This is certainly a lot to take in. In all my years on this earth I never imagined I'd experience a day like today. Never thought I would be sitting here in my office with my son that just confesses his most intimate thoughts to me - information no parent wants to hear about their child. Though this is beyond awkward, I can't imagine what this is like for him. Before today his teenage hormones were dormant and now, they are active. His emotions are clearly all over the palace.
Sighing, I get up and circle around my desk, stopping at his side. With his hands still covering his face he doesn't acknowledge my presence. I don't let that bother me as I lean down, wrapping him in a comforting embrace.
"Edward, listen to me." I begin, not letting go of him. "You are definitely not a pervert. You are a teenage vampire with human hormones. Everything you are experiencing is normal and you are still a virgin. Don't worry about that."
"Nothing feels normal anymore. I've never felt this way before." Edward's words are muffled against his hands. "Are you sure this is normal and that I'm still a virgin? I really don't think I am."
"First of all, everything you are going through is very normal." I speak honestly. "Second of all, there's no need to fret. One does not lose their virginity from masturbating, that can only happen through penetration with a mate."
"Okay. Good." Edward exhales, a sigh of relief.
Over the decades I had hoped and prayed that Edward would find a mate. Of course, I never considered how emotional he would be when his hormones finally set in after all these years. Without having memories from when he was human, this is the equivalent to him going through puberty for the first time. Though instead of it happening in stages as it does to a younger teen, it's all in a rush for him.
"Everything will be alright." I rub soothing circles on his back. With his hands still over his face he leans into my embrace.
At the same time, he drops his hands from his face I end our embrace and sit on the chair beside him. He looks a little better. Still deeply embarrassed but better than he was a minute ago.
"Everything I'm going through is normal?" He questions, a little unsure.
"Yes." I nod my head. "Do you have any questions?" I wonder out loud and in my thoughts I add. 'Don't be afraid to ask. As a health care physician, I've heard it all, I've seen it all. No need to be self-conscious with me, Son.'
Edward's eyes darted around the room as he quietly sits in his chair. I can tell he has a question he wants to ask as he's thinking about my spoken and unspoken words. Though he has no need to feel uneasy about whatever he might need to ask me, I can tell he does.
'Son.' I think to him. He turns his head and looks at me. 'I can tell you have a question. It's alright, go ahead and ask away. No need to be hesitant.'
I watch as Edward runs a hand through his unruly hair and sighs. As he sits there quietly, I wonder to myself what has made him so tight-lipped now. It was only minutes ago that he openly confessed to his most intimate fantasies while having a private moment with himself. Which I assume was a slip of the tongue due to his nerves, that's the only way to perceive it. Since that was not normal behavior for Edward to volunteer private information.
"Well, there is something I was wondering about..." Edward begins but suddenly stops. His eyes don't meet mine but drift off to my desk, to the book he placed there.
Feeling certain that his question has to do with something he read, I encourage him to continue. He hesitates while I sit waiting patiently.
Taking a deep breath Edward's eyes meet mine. "Carlisle, well I was wondering," He begins in an unsure tone. "Why do males of our kind growl when we cum?"
Taken aback I stare blankly at him. That certainly wasn't what I was expecting him to ask. But I can see that it's something that has him concerned, he wants an answer. Though this question is a little embarrassing to talk about with my son, I remind myself that he is young, no matter the number of years he has lived on this earth, he is still seventeen. His frontal cortex is not completely developed and what would not be a big deal to me probably feels like something major to him. Especially with what he is going through right now with getting used to his adolescence hormones.
Thinking about his question and the right way to answer it, I began blocking my thoughts by thinking about my morning at the hospital. The last thing I want is for something from my private life to slip and for him to see it in my mind. That surely would traumatize him.
"Yes, well, um…. That would be your mating growl." I clear my throat. His innocent golden eyes stare at me in wonder, the expression on his face is a bit embarrassed. "Alight." I say more to myself than to him as I try to begin without stuttering. "Each male of our kind has a hunting growl as well as a mating growl. Both are similar to each other yet unique. It's perfectly normal to growl during an intimate moment. Does that answer your question?"
"Yeah. That explains so much." Edward's voice is soft.
Relief washes over me that he's satisfied with my answer. There's no need to add more detail to an already embarrassing conversation.
The room is quiet now. I look at my son. I can tell the wheels of his mind are turning and he most likely has something else he wants to ask, yet he seems a bit self-conscious. I can't imagine what else he might say. Though I know there's more questions that I'm unprepared for.
"Do you have any more questions that you would like to ask?" I wonder before he can say a word. "Anything that pertains to the book?" I add, wanting to bring the book back into the conversation.
He shrugs his shoulders. "There were surely a lot of drawings and information about penises in it."
I nod my head. "Yes, that's understandable. That muscle goes through some big changes as a male becomes older." I explain thoughtfully. "Is there a question behind that statement?"
In one fluid move he reaches out and grabs the book off my desk. He opens it up and hands it to me. Surprised by what I see, which is a page full of drawings of different size penises, some are circumcised, and some are not.
Blinking, I look at him.
"I never realized before today," He says. "That some penises can be so ugly. Some even look like an elephant's trunk. Why is that?"
I'm not sure why but his innocent question makes me chuckle. "Those would be uncircumcised penises."
"Oh. Okay." He mumbles.
"Any other questions?" I wonder.
"A few." He admits, running his hand through his hair. "Well, actually I think I have all of the questions."
I nod my head as I look at my watch. It's almost time for the rest of my children to come home from school. Wanting to keep this conversation private from my older children, especially my boys who would be all the more than willing to add their two cents in. And of course, tease Edward the way brothers do without even trying, which is something he could do without right now. I begin to come up with an idea to keep the conversation between us.
'Let's go for a little run. Shall we?' I think inside my mind.
"Lets." He agrees with one tight nod.
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