I Am The Son
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything related does not belong to me.
"Fine, sleep with them on," Draco heard him say before his ears succumb to the strange muffling creeping over his senses and making it impossible to concentrate. The exhaustion was drugging, and unable to do anything else, Draco sighed, slid his fingers into his pocket to curl them protectively around a small, unusually cold object, and sunk.
Chapter Six
Coming back down the stairs, Remus paused before he entered the library and leant forward to rest his forehead on the wall next to the door. His brain was jumping in a million different directions, the shock and disbelief, the fucking jubilation threatening to overwhelm him for the second time, and he drew in a short, shaky breath, his heart banging like a drum.
Banging like Teddy on his greatly favoured toy.
A slightly panicked laugh escaped him and he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the tips of his fingers to his temples, trying to calm himself down. He needed to go back into that room and he needed to have a clear head when he did so. He couldn't fall apart when there was so much to sort out. No matter how much he may want to.
He was the oldest, the most experienced. He was a father, the one who needed to keep it together. It was a mantra he'd repeated to himself many times over the years. He'd had eons of practice of being the voice of reason, the one who got everything straight and neat and tidy, so all he needed to do was stop panicking, apply everything he'd done and learnt, and they'd easily get to the bottom of this mess without any further mishaps.
The thing was though, the stop panicking bit was proving rather hard to do.
Lily and James. They were alive. Remus swallowed hard, his forehead shifting, sliding along and off the wall, then thumping softly back onto it, the quiet wump rattling his brain just as much as the impact did. He just… he couldn't wrap his mind around it. Couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Draco Malfoy of all people had brought back two of his best friends' from the dead, as casually as one would throw a stone into a utterly still pond. The ripples from that toss would be wide and far-reaching, and he didn't have the foggiest clue what he was going to do about them.
Didn't know if he wanted to do anything about them, or even if he should. Sweet Merlin.
Blowing his breath out noisily, he banged his forehead against the wall one last time and then stepped back, fingers making circles on the sides of his head, where a headache was just beginning to form. His heart was still racing faster than he wanted it to, but he didn't think he was going to get it to slow down anytime soon. So he'd just have to let it bang until it wore itself out.
It's not like it hadn't done that before after all.
His thoughts were grim when he squared his shoulders, opened the door to the library and walked through. Stopping just over the threshold as if he'd struck an invisible wall, his eyes latched onto the couple still sitting on the floor, twined around each other. They were talking quietly, lost in their partnership, their own little world, not even aware he'd entered the room. A rock lodged itself in Remus's throat, his eyes prickling.
They hadn't aged a day. Not a single fucking day.
He must have let out a small sound he wasn't aware of making, because Lily looked up, her worried expression softening when she saw his face. Smacking James lightly in the chest, she rose to her feet and pulled away from him, approaching Remus with cautious, just slightly unsteady steps. She wavered as she got to his side, and Remus's arms shot out.
Her smile was bright and grateful all at once.
"Sorry. Little unsteady on my feet still, which is irritating because he's not," she said, throwing her thumb back over her shoulder, a playful frown following in its wake. When James just grinned at her, shrugged and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his uniform trousers - why the bloody hell was he wearing a Gryffindor Quidditch uniform? - Lily huffed out a breath and turned back to Remus. Her smile lit her emerald eyes as her hand lifted to touch his cheek. "Hello, you."
Feeling like he was choking on his very heart, Remus snapped his arms around her and hugged her tight enough to produce a squeak before just as quickly letting go. He cleared his throat and stepped back, rubbing his hand over his mouth, the sound of friction on rough stubble loud in his ears. His head was throbbing.
"Okay, he's going to sleep for a while and we won't be able to sort any more of this spell out until he wakes up," he said in an infuriatingly raspy voice. He was supposed to have it together, damn it. "We should, um, t-talk though. A lot to catch up on, yeah?"
As if sensing that he couldn't handle anything more, Lily nodded and let him be, holding out her arm for James. "You're right, I want to hear all about my son, but perhaps not in here? I could murder a cup of tea."
I bet you could, Remus thought, morbid amusement hidden behind the sharp dip of his head and the swing of his body as he turned back to the door and headed out and down to the basement kitchen. He could hear the couple following him at a slow and steady pace murmuring to each other, the sound a soft buzz full of James's concern and Lily's reassurance. It brought back memories of Lily's pregnancy, and returning from Order missions before her pregnancy, and practically hearing the bark of familiar laughter on the air, he shoved the memories away and concentrated on making tea from the all but dried up dregs he found in the empty pantry.
Some days he wished Kreacher was still around.
Neither Potter said anything until he was sitting down at the top of the long wooden table, three gently steaming mugs sitting in their respective places. Remus gripped his cup in both hands, the liquid within keeping his attention. He didn't want to look up.
"Moony?"
But he couldn't avoid it, could he? Sighing, Remus sent James a weak smile. "'Lo, Prongs."
James's eyes narrowed. "I don't like the way you're acting, Moony," he said bluntly, reaching for Lily hand in a gesture that looked as absent and as natural as breathing. "You've shut down. What don't you want to tell us?"
Everything.
Remus cleared his throat. "How much do you remember?" he asked in a calm tone that fooled no one. Lily frowned and looked at James, whose grip on her hand tightened.
"From when? Before we died or during?"
Remus's cup came to an abrupt stop halfway to his mouth, his head whipping towards James. "You remember during?" he demanded incredulously. James grimaced and rubbed the back of his head.
"Um… some?" he replied, so unsure it had Remus setting his cup down and leaning forward in interest. "Dunno, it's weird. I remember Harry. Watching Harry. We watched Harry constantly, but it was… patchy? Not in order. Does that make sense? The timeline wasn't linear so I don't know all that happened, just bits. What happened right before we came back is clearest at the moment."
"I don't remember anything during at all," Lily said quietly, a small pucker of distress pulling at her mouth. "The last thing I remember is You-Know-Who."
"Voldemort," Remus corrected automatically, then waved a hand when two pairs of brows winged. "Never mind. He's dead, the war is over, we won. But things, er, happened."
"Things tend to happen during war, Remus," James said as if testing the words first, still watching him closely. When all Remus did was frown and drop his gaze to his mug again, he sighed. "Come on, Rem, spit it out."
"Maybe if you start with something good first," Lily suggested, her chin dropping in an attempt to catch his eye. "You could tell us about Harry. And who is this Teddy? Yours and Sirius's son?"
"Yeah, where is Pads?"
Remus's heart clenched so hard, for a moment it was difficult to breathe. For fuck's sake.
"Teddy isn't Sirius's son," he rasped, eyes fixed on his white-knuckled hands circling the rapidly cooling mug. "Teddy belongs to me and my wife."
The surprised silence lingered after his answer until James spluttered out, "your wife?"
"You're married, Remus?" Lily asked him very gently. Confusion crept across her face when he shook his head. "Divorced, then?
"No," Remus murmured, eyes flicking up and falling again instantly. He took a deep breath. "No. It's… it's just me and Teddy now. Dora died during the battle that ended it all."
The sound of chair legs scraping against stone startled his eyes up, and then Lily was turning him in his chair and pulling him forward to wrap her arms around him. "I'm sorry," she whispered into his shoulder, ginger and raspberries making his head spin. He swallowed heavily, then had to do it again when a hand clapped onto his shoulder.
"Fucking hell, mate. That's just shite."
Remus laughed, then sighed. "Yeah, it is," he muttered. "It really is. Lily. Um. Can't breathe, love."
"Sure you can, you wouldn't be able to talk if you couldn't, would you?" she pointed out logically, but released him anyway with a fond smile. Remus smiled back at her and then suddenly found himself being hauled to his feet.
James slapped his back as he hugged him, just as he'd slapped his shoulder.
"Still bloody taller than me, even crooked and bent over with age," he groused as Remus clung, then let out an oomph when Remus snorted through his nose and elbowed him in the stomach. "Oi! How am I supposed to respect my elders when you treat me like that?!"
"I'm not that old, you tosser," Remus said dryly, rolling his eyes and throwing his disturbingly young best mate a half-grin when he smirked at him. "Thanks, Prongs. I'm fine. But, erm, better sit. More to tell still."
He took his seat again and waited for the other two to take theirs as well, his stomach churning. This was the worst part.
For everyone.
"Um, so, my wife… I married Nymphadora Tonks," he continued once everyone was safely sitting, waiting as James's forehead crinkled with a puzzled frown. He bit his lip when his eyes finally widened in comprehension.
"Nymphadora… Sirius's little cousin?!"
Remus nodded around his heart once more in his throat. He hated this. "Yes. We got close… a-after."
Silence dripped. The tension was as tight as a bow string and Remus chanced a glance at Lily, then jerked his eyes away. He didn't want to see in her ghostly pale features what James hadn't yet realized.
What he knew he was stubbornly choosing to not realize.
"After? After what?"
Remus's breath hitched. "Prongs…"
"Jamie, my love, I don't think-"
"After what, Moony?!" James snapped, cutting Lily off and half getting to his feet, breath racing, his face twisted in a way that squeezed Remus's lungs painfully tight. "After what? Remus, where the hell is Sirius?!"
Speaking the words cut deep into his chest.
"He's dead, James. Sirius is dead. Has been for eight years."
Watching James Potter collapse in on himself sliced that jagged cut straight through his body, the pain bright, and of so familiar, and brutally, horrifically new.