A bit of story building before more fun, hope you guys enjoy!
Song for first half with Yoruichi is Silver Sun Pick Ups- It's Nice to Know You Work Alone, second half, Renji and Hisagi is Chevelle- I Get It
Chapter 55
"Mara-chan!"
The unfamiliar voice floated on the breeze to where Mara was desperately trying to focus on the book in front of her and failing miserably.
First, she had brought a book out on strategy- Carl von Clausewitz's On War. It seemed an odd choice for Hisagi's library, being that it was about some wars in France and Prussia, but Renji had said she liked this stuff so she was going to give it a shot but by the third chapter of the author talking about honing judgement as a commander, she could have fallen asleep.
Could have if it weren't for the infamous Hut Hut- yet again commandeering the silence from her.
Finally, she had caved from attempting to regain strategy and gone back to the book about Japan, this time poring over the pictures of the narrow streets, colorful geisha, and the masterful kabuki of Kyoto. Even that awe was interrupted by incessant counting and yelling until she had just stuck her finger in the book and gazed at the sky in long suffering silence.
"Mara-chan," the voice crooned, yanking her eyes back to focus on the woman in front of her. The woman from the poster, from the field, from the OR.
"Yo-Yoruichi?" she asked stutteringly, praying she had remembered correctly. Those smiling golden eyes seemed to hide a side that Mara didn't believe she wanted to meet, although the woman had seemed to only exude kindness in her brief interactions thus far.
"Leave it to you to come all the way to Soul Society only to get lost in a book," Yoruichi laughed gently, plopping down cross-legged in the grass across from Mara familiarly.
"I- um- I wasn't really reading," Mara stuttered out only to be cut off by Hut Hut's distinctive noise drifting closer, no doubt coming to see about the newcomer. Thank god it was Yoruichi and not an enemy, Mara thought, because if Hut Hut moved any slower she would have not only had time to kill her but also run away with the body.
"Yeah? You looked a little-" Yoruichi cut herself off to glare over her shoulder as Hut Hut drew closer, "What the hell is that racket?"
"That would be the bane of my existence," Mara gritted out, rolling her eyes.
"Oi! Boy!" Yoruichi called out to the approaching, broad figure, "Be quiet!"
Clearly not seeing who was waiting at the end of his trek, golden eyes getting more and more annoyed, Hut Hut decided to yell back, "Listen here, intruder! I am Lieutenant Watanabe of the 9th Division, and you are trespassing!"
Mara and Yoruichi exchanged rolled eyes with a familiar commiseration.
"And you will not approach the Ryoka without permission!" Hut Hut continued with a screech, eliciting a small sigh of defeat from his ward. "Furthermore! I am not 'boy'!" Hut Hut kept on, words broken by labored breaths, "You will address me as Lieutenant or… oh!"
Yoruichi's smirk spoke volumes as she managed to look down on Hut Hut without ever standing from the ground.
"You're- you're Shihoin Yoruichi," Hut Hut managed to stammer out in a rare moment of wordlessness.
"Yes," Yoroichi stated back with practiced calm, "and you're dismissed."
Yoruichi's soft command seemed to wake Hut Hut up from his stupor. "I am Lieutenant Watanabe Sora of the 9th division," he began with gusto.
"So, you've said," Yoruichi cut in dryly, "and you are also dismissed. Good bye."
"I- but-" Hut Hut sputtered futilely before visibly deflating, "but she cannot be left unsupervised!"
"Considering how long it took you to get over when she could have been in danger, I would hardly say you are adequate to the job," Yoruichi hissed, patience thoroughly exhausted, "And I am here. Go."
"But she has to have a l-lieutenant or c-cap-captain, so I cant-"
"Ohmagooood," Yoruichi groaned dramatically, flopping back on the grass and causing Mara to hide her barely muffled giggle behind her hand, "Soi-Fon! Make it go away."
Mara's giggle turned into almost choking on her own tongue when Soi Fon, the captain that always been at her throat, appeared in a silent flash. Mara hadn't even sensed her near. Her diminutive height did nothing to stymie her very large presence as she allowed just bare tendril of her reiatsu to unfurl towards Hut Hut.
"How dare you disobey Yoruichi-sama?" she asked menacingly, taking a step forward and making Hut Hut retreat from the maniacal gleam in her eye.
"I was just- it's the rules," he finally gulped out, staunching his own anger at the rebuke as his hands curled into white-knuckled fists.
"Hmph," Soi Fon sniffed, "Yoruichi-sama should be held above that anyways. But I'm here so leave."
"Soi Fon," Yoruichi crooned, eliciting a blush to spread across the other woman's cheeks and taking Mara utterly of guard, "You did help make that rule."
Soi Fon's cheeks deepened to crimson as her eyes tilted down, but she made no response until Yoruichi playfully flicked her calf with a raised brow.
Sighing, Soi Fon rolled her eyes over to meet Mara's shocked ones, hooked on their interaction. "Sorry," she grumbled out with all the aplomb of a chastised toddler.
But to Mara, it meant the world. This was progress. Her conversation the day before with Renji popped into her head. Maybe it's less about making the non-believers see than it is about having enough believers on your side to convince them.
While she didn't remember Yoruichi anymore than she remembered hating oranges, Yoruichi clearly knew her, liked her, possibly even considered her a friend. And she had no doubt that Yoruichi was single-handedly responsible for the change in her previous adversary.
"Thank you," Mara told Soi Fon earnestly, surprising the other woman with her lack of malice. Soi Fon may not have seemed happy about the change in herself toward what she had only seen as a malicious ryoka, but Mara would take it.
"Y-yes," Soi Fon acknowledged with a brief nod, "Yoruichi-sama, do you need anything else."
"No, Soi Fon," Yoruichi chuckled lightly, "just stay close for supervision and all."
"Hai, Yoruichi-sama," Soi Fon nodded dutifully before flash stepping from their sight. At least from Mara's own sight, she noted, as she tracked the astute golden eyes quickly following the figure away though Mara's own couldn't keep up.
"She really can be sweet," Yoruichi said with a smile, blindly reaching to grab one of Mara's discarded books.
"If you say so," Mara said, trying to hide her doubt and failing miserably.
"You'll learn," Yoruichi hummed patiently as her eyes skimmed the pages of On War, "But what the hell are you reading?"
"It's… a book," Mara answered vaguely, her cheeks turning pink at both the implication against her taste and why she had picked that book out today.
Mara's skin prickled with awareness as those golden eyes took in far more than Mara was sure that she wanted them to. "Tell me about it," Yoruichi ordered, not unkindly, but giving the distinct impression that she wasn't talking about the book.
That didn't stop Mara from stammering out the beginnings of the mindset of the Prussian general it featured until Yoruichi cut her off with only a look.
Mara's mouth drifted closed mid-sentence, words dying on her tongue. Yoruichi seemed nice and all- they must have at least known each other- but…
"You don't know me at all, do you?" Yoruichi asked gently, no accusation in her tone. At Mara's shake of her head, Yoruichi sighed gently and moved her arm to cushion it behind her head. "I'm sorry Mara-chan, we tried."
"You- um- you said that before," Mara said softly, "Who is 'we'?"
"Kisuke is the brains of the operation, we've been friends longer than your existence," she explained with a laugh, "and he tried to find something to preserve your mind."
"So, we were friends?" Mara asked, intrigued.
"Yeah, but who wasn't friends with you?" Yoruichi laughed out, "You're sarcastic and witty and smart. Hell, I think Kisuke was utterly desperate for someone who made games fun again with how hard he was trying to work."
"I think you mean was," Mara said softly, trying not to linger on the thoughts of the part of her mind that just didn't believe she was that anymore. How could she be?
"No, I think I mean is," Yoruichi smiled, waving the book in the air.
Mara thunked her head back against her leaning tree. "But I hate the book, it's slow and- and-"
"And the commander, while having good moves seems disconnected from reality and the public idea of war," Yoruichi filled in, tossing the book back on the ground and earning a shocked look.
"To be fair, I don't think I got that far in it," Mara sneered at the discarded writing.
"You did before and you hated it then, too."
"But I- No," Mara replied confused, "I liked strategy, I thought. I would read about it and quote it. That's what I was told."
"You did," Yoruichi replied easily, sitting up to look more closely at the girl, "But just because you liked strategy things in general didn't mean you liked everything. You liked music too, but you couldn't stand R&B."
"Wait- but-"
Yoruichi stopped Mara's sputtering with a hand on her shoulder. "I can't imagine how hard this is for you," Yoruichi whispered to Mara, rubbing her hand down her back, "but it's okay to be different. Some things will stay, some will go, but it's okay either way."
Mara couldn't help but shake her head at the sentiment. "But if I'm not who I was then who am I?" she asked brokenly, fighting tears.
"You're whoever you want to be," Yoruichi shrugged, "You know most souls don't retain full memories of their life, some retain none at all… some don't even know they had a life before, but still; they hack out life here. They make it."
"H-how?" Mara pled with the wise woman in front of her.
"It helps that they don't generally have people breathing down their necks," Yoruichi drew out loudly, tilting her head as Soi Fon's voice rang back on the breeze.
"I heard that!"
"And?!" Yoruichi called back.
They waited a beat before a muffled "My apologies, Yoruichi-sama" rang back to them from another area, joined by Yoruichi's musical laugh.
"But ultimately," Yoruichi snapped back to seriousness, "It is something that just has to be done. And you do have support around you."
"I do," Mara admitted, "and it's been less heavy handed lately."
"Mmmm, all those hands on you… I would think the heavier the better," Yoruichi crooned with a lewd wink.
"That's- That's not- I-"
Yoruichi could help but burst into laughter at Mara's full tomato face and virginal stuttering. "If you are wondering about my previous role in your life," Yoruichi cackled, "I was the devil on your shoulder."
"You do strike me as a mildly bad influence," Mara finally cracked a small smile.
"And you and I were great friends," Yoruichi confirmed with a smile.
"So, as the main friend you have here who isn't also trying to get in your pants," Yoruichi sighed out as she lay back on the soft grass, "Time to tell me all about what's been going on."
Mara raised her eyebrows at the prone woman, who had now closed her eyes to wait, only to have one golden orb peek out at her again.
"And without awkward silences," Yoruichi grumbled, "I know you've had a hard time of it, but there is nothing you can say that would shock me."
.
.
.
"Damn," Yoruichi sighed as Mara finished bringing her up to date. She had known a lot of the basics from Soi Fon, but it pulled on her heart hearing some of the hurts firsthand.
The sad part was it really didn't shock her. Soul Society was… harsh, to say the least. And Mara's treatment was actually pretty good for the ryoka they labeled her as. Images of barely avoided executions and all out war on Ichigo and his friends all those years ago assailed her mind, quickly fading to the reason she had left. Soul Society's unyielding nature and inability to change or accept change was how it had wound up her and Kisuke against the world.
Giving her head a quick shake to clear it from the fog of past hurts, Yoruichi turned an almost real smile on Mara. Mara, for her part, had stayed calm and delivered her story with all the depth and feeling of a weather report, but Yoruichi wasn't so dense as to believe that she wasn't affected. Her voice may not have changed but her listless eyes and curled position of hugging her knees to her chest, as if protecting something vital, gave away how heavily it all weighed and how vulnerable Mara really was.
It was a position Yoruichi wasn't familiar with Mara ever holding. She had been weak in the world of the living, sure. But never vulnerable that Yoruichi herself had seen. There was always a quip, a smile, a surety in everything she did. It wasn't that she had no soft spots, but she wore them openly. There was no fear in her gaze or bearing. Not like now, where she retreated into herself.
"Yeah, damn," Mara finally replied monotonously, tilting her head to look over at her companion.
"The one thing you didn't mention in your rundown," Yoruichi probed, "Is how you feel about all of it."
Mara allowed herself to unfurl enough to face this newfound old friend. Mara could feel a kinship deeper with this woman, a knowing that felt old even if the face was new to her. "There are not enough combinations of letters to create the words I need to express that," she found herself saying, almost involuntarily, "I feel hopeless and alone, and betrayed by a dream I don't even remember having."
Yoruichi simply nodded and waited, those feelings so very familiar to her.
"And yet," Mara continued, averting her eyes, "There are moments where I forget how bad it is. They're just little moments, stolen seconds, where some things seem so right… but then it just crashes back down."
Unconsciously, Mara could feel herself opening up to this woman who had crashed in and saved part of the day and she just couldn't hold back. "I know I don't remember shit but how does it go from happy to sad, from joy to torment so quickly?" She asked, not expecting a reply, "It's giving me fucking whiplash."
But she did get a reply, one she wasn't expecting.
"Because you're a jumper," Yoruichi replied without missing a beat, "you dive in headlong, always have. In your life though, it was so easily tempered by knowing it would all end anyways, so why not go all in. Here though, you have to deal with the flip side. How to jump, knowing there will obstacles in the way and how they'll hurt when you hit them."
"Great, my superpower is actually a flaw," Mara replied drolly.
"It's still a superpower," Yoruichi nodded, "But now you get to feel the impact."
"I don't know how to handle that," Mara whispered.
"You never have," Yoruichi replied, "And that isn't memory's fault."
"Ouch," Mara grumbled playfully.
"Meh, you'll love me again anyways," Yoruichi replied with a shrug and relishing the familiar curling grin that had been missing from Mara's face the entire time she had been here.
"Now you sound like Renji," Mara groaned, thunking her head back against the tree again.
"I mean, you were head over heels for him; it's a logical jump," Yoruichi confessed with a shrug, "You don't feel like that anymore?"
"That's the problem," Mara confessed, "I do. There's just something that… pulls me to him. Just like opening up to you."
"I sense a 'but' coming," Yoruichi stated knowingly, rolling to her stomach to pin Mara with that damn stare.
"But," Mara admitted, "there's more now. More than him. It's not a lack of him, just… more."
"And?"
Mara was silent for a beat, Yoruichi's simple questions probing the depths.
"Do- Do you thinks it's possible to be in love with more than one person?"
"For some people, no," Yoruichi answered sagely, Byakuya-boy on her mind, "But for others, yes." This time her mind drifted between her own two loves.
"That's," Mara paused a beat, "Not entirely unhelpful, I guess."
"Love is just another leap, Mara-chan, and that is never your problem," Yoruichi told her sweetly, "The question is how well you can stick the landing. Is it worth the risk of hitting something hard at the end? Or will you lose that heart you are cradling? That's the hard part."
"Losing grip isn't my worry," Mara answered truthfully, knowing the men whose hearts she held weren't in her hands, but wound into her very soul.
"Then what's the problem?"
"They don't play nice," Mara bit out, with a disgruntled side eye, causing Yoruichi to laugh again.
"Boys will be boys?" She giggled back.
"Ew, no," Mara rolled her eyes, "Fuck that chauvinistic shit."
"God, I missed you girl," Yoruichi sighed, "and yes, fuck that shit. It's one of those painful ledges. Question is, is it going to stop you from jumping?"
"What if they don't jump with me?" Mara asked, breath so faint it could have stuttered out. Because that was the worry, wasn't it? That was the fear. She didn't mind the jumping, even when Soul Society made sure her landing was on sharp rocks and jagged glass. She just didn't want to jump alone.
The fear had to come from her life, she knew, she had never been alone here, but she still felt it. She hid it behind painted smiles and constant action, but no one could know her. They saw her take blows but didn't know the pain. She was surrounded by people but only showed what she wanted. She could jump, but always felt it would just lead to a deep dark bottom where she would hit and break and shatter. Alone.
"That's where we come in," Yoruichi told her seriously and knocking Mara out of her downward spiral.
"What?" Mara's confusion painted across her features, "Who?"
"If life is a leap, friends are your parachutes," Yoruichi smiled, "You'll never land alone."
Well, shit.
"No!" Yoruichi exclaimed, "Don't cry!" Yoruichi quickly hopped to Mara, wrapping her in a hug. "I just want you to know you aren't alone, even if you don't remember."
"Thank you," Mara smiled through her tears, only for a dark shadow to fall over the both of them.
"What did you do to my woman?"
Grimmjow.
"She made me happy, you big lug," Mara managed to reply from her muffled position until Yoruichi loosened her hold.
"That's what friends are for," Yoruichi supplied, wiping off Mara's tears from her cheeks in a maternal move that Mara hadn't expected, "Now throw away that shitty book and just be you. We love you for it."
"Yeah, we do," Grimmjow gently added, before leaning down to pull Mara to her feet, "But for now, doll, let's go have some fun."
"Sound's good, Grimm," she sighed, "Can we do this again sometime, Yoruichi?"
"Anytime," came the smiled reply as Grimmjow turned Mara to walk her away under Yoruichi's speculative gaze.
"I still don't like… that," Soi Fon said lowly, waving her hand in the general direction of Grimmjow and Mara's retreating backs.
"It makes me wary," Yoruichi agreed, "but if anyone can keep things in hand it's her. My only worry is what may be coming from Hueco Mundo. The appearance of a dead espada is a problem."
"I combed that area myself, Yoruichi-sama," Soi Fon began to exclaim defensively until Yoruichi wrapped an arm around her and chucked her chin, causing the smaller woman to stop, stammering.
"I know, little one," Yoruichi replied affectionately, dipping to nuzzle her noise against Soi Fon's own, making her blush deepen, "But we both know that if Ulquiorra doesn't want to be found then he won't be."
.
.
.
He was tired, and frankly, all he wanted to do was go back to Mara and relieve her from her stint of Hut-Hut's babysitting insanity, but he had to do this. If he had known how they would butt heads, Hisagi would have chosen a different Lieutenant, but the rules were firm as to Lieutenant requirements and the decision had been made. It would take a vote to change it now and that would just be another headache. Hopefully Mara could handle him a little longer.
For now, Hisagi hauled his weary legs across the broad street that led into the 11th division. It wasn't that every division didn't have its own bar- or bars. Shinigami did love their drink. But this bar in particular had been 'their place'. Back when the Lieutenants had all been close. They would pile into this bar- the biggest in the area and with the loosest rules- with Ikkaku and Yumichika. From reviewing paperwork, to studying, to just getting shitfaced, this was the place.
And now, after a long day of his promised extra patrols, Hisagi found himself wandering up to face just as big a beast that was much harder to deal with- Abarai Renji. If he wasn't holed away in the 6th, Hisagi had a feeling he would be here.
He couldn't help the sigh that escaped him as he ducked under the curtains and into the entryway, but for the life of him, Hisagi couldn't tell if it was in trepidation or relief.
"Holy shit…"
The breathed whisper seemed to carry directly to Hisagi's ear. Oh yeah, he thought ruefully looking down at himself, I guess the haori does stand out.
"Ikakku," a lilting, musical voice reprimanded gently, "that language is so ugly."
"Look!"
"Ow, what- Holy shit."
Well that left no doubt as to who was apparently shocked to see him.
"Ikakku, Yumichika," he smiled out the greeting, finally turning toward the voices to be greeted by a scene straight from history.
Ikakku reclined against Yumichicka, pinching his face and facing him toward the newest arrival. Iba, on his ither side, was already leaning and being propped up on Kira's shoulder who didn't look too steady himself. Nanao's glasses flicked in the light as she looked up from a stack of paperwork that she had dragged to the bar with her to shoot a questioning look at Nemu who did no more than sit impassively.
Omaeda smiled over his shoulder from the end where bottles and plates piled high, pausing in his counting of change from a bet that went well. Matsumoto had twisted in her seat, arm raised to hail more drinks before she had frozen, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights and filled with something Hisagi didn't understand.
After a space between them, seemingly left open by fate itself wanting to have a laugh, was his brother in arms and best friend Abarai- who didn't even bother to look up. He furrowed his brow, glaring at nothing as he took a long swig from his beer.
That frosty demeanor wasn't the only change Hisagi noted as he raised his hand in silent greeting before slotting between the two people that he had been closest with but now seemed so distant. Kira's tired eyes met his own from across the table with a faint smile that spoke of being ready to go home, clearly more held back by exhaustion from studying than drink. Iba's eyes, behind his dark glasses, narrowed as if trying to determine if Hisagi was still friend or foe. His weren't the only ones. The conversation slid to a halt as the group reformed with such different dynamics.
Hisagi looked around the table, mustering a half ass smile but letting it falter when the shock and suspicion didn't seem to lift from some faces that had once been so trusting and open.
"Hey," he mumbled, tongue tied with what to do and say in such an unfamiliar situation.
"Hisagi!" Omaeda roared from the end, fanning Matsumoto with a plethora of crumbs that finally seemed to knock her from her reverie, "We haven't- OOF!"
"Keep your mouth closed when you are eating!" Matsumoto screeched, socking Omaeda in his stomach, "It's in my hair!"
Omaeda immediately rose, coughing with the force of her hit and spraying crumbs over Matsumoto anew.
"EW!"
"Then don't hit me!" Omaeda launched back, "Don't you know who I am?"
"Not this again," Nanao grumbled, quickly yanking her stack of paperwork under the edge of the table to save it from Omaeda's hacking.
"Who cares who you are, you big oaf!" Matsumoto growled, wiping off her face with a glare as the whole table burst into laughter that even those most stoic couldn't help but join.
If felt weird to smile and laugh at the antics of friends, Hisagi noted. How long had it really been since he had walled himself off for it to be so foreign now?
"How can we help you tonight, Captain?" Iba drawled, seeming to sober instantly as he stretched his arms behind his neck to cradle the back of his head in a relaxed posture that did nothing to hide his tension.
"Not here to ask for anything," Hisagi drawled, smile melting off his face, "Just wanted to see a friend."
"Really?" Matsumoto's barely breathed reply near his ear practically made Hisagi jump as he swiveled toward the sound to find Matsumoto's full lips only inches away from his. He could feel Abarai's penetrating eyes following his every move as he slowly eased back from her proximity.
"Yeees," he drew out slowly, turning his head again to face Iba and his doubtful glare, "How about I start off proving it with the next round for the table on me?"
It was said so playfully, so like the old, outgoing Hisagi that Iba couldn't help pursing his lips against a smile. "It's a start… Hisagi," he growled out, much to the other man's satisfaction.
"Yeah, I'm out," Renji said suddenly and gruffly, downing the last of his beer in one big swig before slamming it down.
"You are who I came to talk to," Hisagi said quietly without looking up, "Stay."
"Is that an order… Captain?" Renji snarled lowly, bracing his arms on the table.
"I'm not here to order you around, Abarai," Hisagi sighed out, "I'm trying to talk to you."
"Well," Renji said with a groan as he rose to his feet, "Much like with all those letters you sent me and I never opened, I'm not interested."
Hisagi closed his eyes and counted to ten. Abarai was trying to rile him and make his animosity known.
"What happened to you Abarai?" Hisagi asked even more lowly as he finally returned the hard glare being levied on him, though he noted the bit of surprise his question had garnered before hardness replaced it.
"You know damn well what happened to me. Hell, you caused a good bit of it."
Renji's words were said so lightly that it would almost seem they were making friendly conversation but his white knuckles and ticking jaw betrayed just how deep his anger ran. Hisagi knew from experience that this was the point to bow out but a quick glance around the bar showed him the plethora of faces that still looked on in suspicion, anger, and even hatred. Blue hair and a bright smile kept him going despite the serious risk of Abarai punching him in the face right now.
"Yeah, I guess I did," Hisagi admitted through gritted teeth before taking a harsh sip of the newly arrived sake, "but for her, I would do anything. And here I thought you would, too."
Renji could only see red. How dare this man that called him his friend, his god damn brother, dare question Renji's own devotion when he had done nothing but stand in his way! "You bastard, Hisagi, I will-"
"No, you won't," Hisagi cut him off with a sip and another pointed look, "For the same reason I won't. So maybe instead of fighting like children, we should figure out a way to make this work to keep her safe and happy."
"I can do that by my damn self," Abarai retorted, large arms crossing intimidatingly across his chest. But he hadn't left. That was the spot of hope Hisagi was clinging to.
"No, brother, you can't," Hisagi said sadly as he stood, raising his hand to stave off Renji's protests, "and neither can I. Would it really be that terrible to join forces again?"
"How the hell can you even ask that?" Abarai railed back, "If you had any idea what I felt for her you wouldn't even dare approach me like this!"
"I do, dammit!" Hisagir replied, voice finally raising, "You think it's easy for me to swallow my pride and admit that I can't do it all? To know she needs more? But she needs all of us and the love she gives hasn't waned, so I am doing what I need to do to protect her!"
A muffled scoff from beside the men yanked them out of their stare-off.
"So, he is who you came to see?" Matsumoto asked softly, eyes clear from drink but clouding quickly with something akin to sorrow, "This is all about her?"
Abarai's expression didn't waver but Hisagi was caught off guard by the sheer amounts of sadness and betrayal in her voice.
"You know it is, Rangiku," he told her gruffly, barely looking at her but still taking in her shining eyes and quivering bottom lip, perturbed by her open display of emotion that he didn't understand.
"Why?" she finally asked, "all for a girl that-"
"That what?" Hisagi snarled, vividly remembering her animosity toward Mara only a few mornings before.
Abarai's glare was no less fierce as he leveled a hard look that made Matsumoto swallow her tantrum.
"You really are a bastard, Shuuhei," she whispered, voice cracking before grabbing a bottle from the table and blazing out the door with it.
"I told all of you!" Omaeda slurred loudly, "She's all drama nowadays!"
Hisagi and Abarai exchanged a tense glance as they realized the table had begun watching them again.
"God, they look like they're about to pop fucking popcorn," Abarai grumbled, before looking askance as Hisagi snorted his agreement.
"Let's go outside," Hisagi nodded at the door.
"Nah, I'm good," Abarai grunted stubbornly, "You aren't gonna be able to convince me anymore in fresh air than in here."
Hisagi watched him turn his back with a frown. "Then why did you agree to us all being together on Friday?"
The chorus of 'oohs' from the very drunk table behind him made him grimace at how that sounded.
"Hard to resist her when she's on your lap," Abarai bit back with no small amount of pride lacing his voice but his face fell as Hisagi rolled his eyes. Patience clearly up, Hisagi grabbed Abarai's sleeve, pulling him outside after him.
"You do realize that they were setting her up before, right? And if they can't lock her up, they will start trying for her life."
Hisagi was seething. He understood this was hard, he knew Abarai was stubborn to a fault, but he wasn't stupid.
"Then give her back," Renji hissed, "and me and my captain will protect her."
"Oh, come on," Hisagi groaned, "he's the one that started half this shit."
"No," Abarai mocked Hisagi's tone back at him, "you did. When you sensed power and decided to make a play for it, you caused shit to go wrong."
"She wasn't emitting any power," Hisagi retorted, "and I was protecting her."
"And how's that going?" Renji snapped.
"Shitty!" Hisagi raged back, "Being that I'm here, I would say it is going fucking horribly. You love her so damn much but what are you doing to help us protect her? Nothing!"
"Us? US!?" Renji yelled, "You gave free reign to the most powerful being since the fucking Winter War to a god damn espada and you dare lecture me on her safety?"
"He's different now."
"Bull shit."
Blood pumping hot both men just glared at each other at a loss for words, at an impasse. Nothing could cave the other and they both knew it, but they knew it because they had been inseparable.
"I get that it's hard," Hisagi finally admitted, voice rough, "It was hard for me, and she was only mine for a couple weeks before she settled into how she is now. I can't imagine how it would feel to have her ripped away after how long you were with her."
Renji looked at Hisagi bent his tall figure to lean against the wall outside the bar, dragging a hand down his face as he desperately searched for the right words to bring this stubborn ally back on his side- to get his damn friend back.
"I thought that having a piece of her was better than nothing," Hisagi finally admitted, "but then, then she told me that she loved me and I realized that I actually had all of her, it just came with a built-in friend, an immediate ally and it-"
"Stop," Abarai finally ordered him, voice low, "I see what you're saying. And if it was you- if it was just you- then maybe, just maybe, I could see it working."
"Grimmjow's your hold up then?" Hisagi asked genuinely.
"You're both my fucking hold up, asshole," Renji snorted, "But I'm not sharing her with the espada. I don't trust her with the espada. And frankly, I don't trust you because you seem to have forgotten that HE IS A FUCKING ESPADA."
"Things change, Abarai."
"Not that. Not ever that," Renji rebuked him, "Do you not remember the Winter War at all? Being that you dream about it I sure as hell thought you'd remember the monsters that came with it."
"Don't even bring that up with me! That time wrecked me and you know it," Hisagi stood straight, pushing his finger into Abarai's chest.
"Then don't start with me about that thing you seem so happy to label a friend," Abarai hissed, baring his teeth back at Hisagi, "You have no idea what it was like when I had to send her away because of an espada. One that soul society seems to have no interest in tracking down and can pop up damn near anywhere he pleases."
"Yeah, but she doesn't remember that does she?" Hisagi reminded him, "You can't expect her to carry your prejudices when all she has seen is Grimmjow how he is now."
"But what's to stop Ulquiorra from popping up to him, too, to rally the forces, huh?"
"You're in the same meetings I am, Abarai," Hisagi sighed, "The 12th and the 2nd both looked into that and didn't find anything showing that he was anywhere, even Hueco Mundo."
"Yeah yeah, I know," Abarai groaned, "and they think I'm weaving a tale to protect the girl."
"I don't," Hisagi whispered, pausing Abarai's pacing in it's tracks.
"And yet you still ask me to play nice with one."
"Are all shinigami bad because of Tousen and Gin and Aizen?" Hisagi asked pointedly.
"No," Abarai answered assuredly, "because souls can be good or bad. But having no soul is a pretty damning earmark."
"And yet-"
"No! There is no 'and' or 'but'. Just no, Hisagi," Renji declared, wheeling on his friend, "You weren't there!"
"I'm not the fucking one who disappeared!" Hisagi tore back at him, "Or I would have been there. I was always fucking there! I always stepped in and I always had your back! You turned on me."
"Right," Renji scoffed, "All you did was warn me off."
"And I was right," Hisagi's voice dripped with venom.
"And you would never have followed even if you thought you may not have been," Renji sneered at him.
Hisagi's shoulders dropped in defeat. "You never even gave me a chance to make that choice. All I'm asking for now is a chance. For her, for me, even for Grimmjow. Help us!"
Renji's eyes narrowed as he fought the urge to listen. Hisagi was… right. He did leave to assume that mantle alone. He stopped writing, he never asked… but this was too much and far too late.
"No."
Hisagi felt his heart hurting like it had that very first morning he had woken up to find Abarai gone all those years ago. When he had waited on the training field for his best friend, to be lifted by his hard smile, he had thought he couldn't feel lower. Now, looking at the retreating back of the large man as he stalked into the darkness, Hisagi knew that he had been wrong.