Edward's POV:
"Never have I ever had a sleepover with my boyfriend." Bella giggles, continuing our game of things we have never done before tonight. All while she and I lay in bed together inside her dark room.
"I would have never guessed." I roll my eyes in a playful way and laugh.
Since I'm her first boyfriend, that's something I had already figured she hadn't done. It's also something we have in common since this is my first relationship and sleepover.
That both excites me and terrifies me. What if I do something wrong?
"Edward, it's your turn," She reminds me sweetly, grabbing my hand. Our fingers interlace and everything feels right.
"Never have I ever," I begin slowly, thinking carefully. "Wore Superman pajamas with thick fuzzy socks on my feet while lying in bed with a girl," I pause for a second, not feeling those words are perfect enough to describe her. "I mean the most beautiful girl in the world." I correct myself.
A rosy blush lights up her cheeks and a wide toothy grin spreads across her face.
Obviously, she enjoys hearing she's beautiful and that's no lie. She really is. Her beauty is far more than the eye can see and means everything to me. It's her love and compassion to someone like me which brings out the beauty that's deep within her soul, making her even more beautiful to me.
"It's the absolute truth." I say, touching my index finger to the tip of her nose. "Your turn."
"Never have I ever seen someone hide up in the corner of a ceiling like Spiderman before." She says with a laugh.
I give her a dull look.
Of course, she had to bring up one of my stranger moments about jumping up onto the ceiling and hiding there. When her father peeked into her room earlier to make sure she wasn't still awake.
Luckily, I had the idea to quietly climb up the wall next to her closet - where I decided to hide - and hang out there. Because he ended up doing more than peek his head in before shutting the door.
Since Bella had been pretending to be asleep since it was an hour after she said good night to him, and her twinkling lights were still on. He ended up tiptoeing over to her bed, trying not to wake her while he turned off the strand of lights.
Though I could tell she wasn't asleep from my post in the corner of her ceiling, away from where her father was. He didn't catch on that she was still awake. Luckily, he also didn't look my way when he walked out of her room.
"Of course, you had to bring up my finest moment." I say sarcastically and she grins. "If only your closet, or even under your bed wasn't so cluttered, I could have hidden in one of those spots instead."
She glares at me. It's my turn to grin now.
I know her well enough by now to make the connection between my words and her irritation. She doesn't care to be reminded that her room is a bit messy. However, I find it fun, in a way to tease her about it.
"Well, anyways," Bella begins, changing the subject, and ending our game. Her fresh cinnamon and peppermint breath washes over me, wrapping me in a delicious warm cloud. "Since you don't sleep, what do you do all night?"
"Different things." I shrug my shoulders. "Mainly reading, watching TV, spending time with my family, or playing my piano. Nothing very special."
"Oh. I bet it's nice not to need sleep." She gives me a knowing look. Her tone implies that this is rather obvious, and she shouldn't have to say it out loud.
Though I wouldn't say it's obvious. Sleep hasn't been a part of my life for so long, it's not something I really think about. I have no memory of what it's like to sleep or even to dream.
"I guess," I say, a bit unsure. "Staying awake at night is all I've ever known. I don't remember my time as a human."
My words are a gentle reminder and nothing but the truth.
"Oh right." She says slowly.
She is quiet and so am I. Both of us lay here looking into each other's eyes, getting lost in the moment.
Hand in Hand.
Side by side.
Sharing a pillow with our faces so close to one another is so new, yet familiar in the best way possible. It's not a sense memory but more of a deja vu feeling that I have known this amazing girl for my entire existence. Though I know that's not right, we met only recently.
Bella and I lay wrapped up in the sheets with her purple quilt over us. We've just been talking and enjoying each other's company. Nothing more, though more is easy to imagine.
For the last couple of hours, we've been sharing stories, secrets, and promises. These sort of intimate conversations where I can bear my soul and tell her anything I wish and vice versa, is definitely nice. We have been talking about everything under the sun, never running out of things to say.
Though I have been avoiding telling her one thing: The real reason why I'm here wearing borrowed Superman pajamas and not willing to go home.
It's not an issue of lack of trust, or even that I intentionally want to lie to her. No. That's not why I haven't told her. The reason why is far more complicated, a little more gruesome, and has everything to do with me. I don't wish to acknowledge or even reveal those disgusting secondhand memories that were accidentally inflicted on me. I also don't wish to inflict them on my innocent angel. It's nothing a sane person would want to know about. At least, I don't believe so.
"Well," Bella breaks the silence. "If you feel like reading when I go to sleep, you are welcome to pick a book from the nightstand." With her free hand, she points behind me.
Curiosity about her books has a hold on me, I want to know what she enjoys reading at night. However, I have no plans of letting go of her hand and turning around to take a peek at her collection of literature.
"What kind of stories are we talking about?" I wonder, looking into her deep chocolate brown eyes and getting lost there.
"Well, there's Vampire Kiss." She says slowly. "It's an interesting story. I also have the twelfth book in The Vampire Diaries series but that's all I have. That one's okay, not really my favorite, kind of confusing since I haven't read the other books in the series. Oh! I'm also reading The Candy Bombers. I like that one the most out of the three I picked to read each night."
"You read more than one book at a time?" I don't hide my astonishment.
"Yeah. I aim for a couple pages from each one every night. It makes the books last longer so I don't breeze through them like I do when I read them one at a time." She clarifies.
I nod my head as she begins to go into detail about each of her paperbacks.
I lay here with her hand in mine, listening to her talk about the stack of literature she likes to read before she sleeps. She begins to describe the first in grave detail, letting me know all about the main characters and the plot of the story.
I smile at her thoughtfulness, hanging on her every word.
All too soon she's done telling me about the first book and goes on to the second. She begins rambling on about The Vampire Diaries series, telling me all about those characters. I'm listening to what she has to say, even though that doesn't seem like a story I would enjoy reading. I'm really not one for vampire fantasy stories.
However, her words are music to my ears.
Her beautiful voice pulls me in while she begins to describe the last book on her nightstand. I love hearing her voice, it helps me relax. It also distracts me from going to certain places in my mind, places that aren't very appropriate, and if I linger in those thoughts for too long, they can have a noticeable effect on my body.
I really don't want that.
She already felt my hard-on once tonight when it spontaneously decided to make an appearance when we kissed next to her dresser. I don't want it to happen again, certainly not when we're lying here in her bed together. That would definitely not be proper. That's also not why I climbed in bed with her. No, not for that at all.
Lying down with her wasn't a conscious decision. Nor is there an alternative motive behind my actions. It was just too easy to fall into step with her, where my actions mirrored hers and everything felt right. I believe she knows that as well and I don't want her to think otherwise about my intentions. Which is why I am not allowing myself to think about the possibility of what she and I could do in her bed.
Once again, my mind attempts to drift off to my teenage fantasies that I'm not so proud of. I quickly refocus on what she's saying.
"Do any of those sound interesting?" She asks when she's finished describing the last story to me.
"The last one sparks my interest." I reply, breathing in her delicious scent. "I read it before, so I know it's good."
With our fingers still intertwined, her shoulders tense and her eyes are full of wonder.
"Do you not like vampire stories?" She asks.
"Not really." I admit. "The authors tend to get it wrong and portray my kind as monsters."
A look of sadness paints Bella's face. Her teeth dig into her bottom lip and her eyes drop their contact with mine.
Something obviously is troubling her, and I wonder if I offended her with something I said. I hope not.
Neither of us speak. The only sounds in the room are mine and her breathing, along with her musical heartbeat.
From down the hall I hear Charlie's loud snoring. It's a blaring and unsettling sound, the equivalent to a leaf blower, chain saw, and lawn mower getting into a fight while a walrus sings offkey in the background.
It's horrible.
It's really a wonder how her father can breathe properly while he sleeps. Maybe it's something I should address to my father. I'm sure he would have a solution for this odd problem.
Seconds pass and still Bella doesn't say a word. Her silence has me wondering what she's thinking about.
Her teeth continue to dig into her bottom lip while her hand that holds mine, squeezes it. Her heartbeat speeds up and I can't figure out why.
"What's going on in your beautiful mind?" I whisper.
"I hope I didn't offend you because I like some stories about vampires." She confesses.
I'm happy to find that's all that had worried her. For a second, I thought she was mad at me for giving my honest opinion.
I laugh. She frowns.
"Please don't laugh at my choice in books. I bet you like some stories others would find silly." She narrows her eyes at me. "Not everyone likes the same type of stories, you know."
"I'm not laughing at you." I promise. "I was laughing because I'm relieved you weren't mad at me for not liking the same type of books as you do."
"Really?" Her face softens.
"Yeah." I nod my head.
"Well, aren't we just a silly pair? Both of us were thinking the other one was upset. But neither of us are." She says and I agree.
We share a laugh at our expense.
As our laughter dies out, I move closer to her. She does the same. With each passing second my control slips further and further from me as dark thoughts creep into my mind like shadows from a lit candle dancing on a wall. The thoughts I shouldn't be thinking won't leave my mind. My face is now inches from hers, her ruby red lips are right there, so close to my own.
Instinctively she takes in a deep breath and closes her eyes.
My eyes close and my lips press against hers, so soft and give to mine.
Trying to savor our kiss and the way her lips feel against mine, I let my lips fall open to feel more of her warmth. Opening my mouth wider, doing my best to keep my razor-sharp teeth covered by my lips, while inviting her warm breath in. She begins to do just what I was hoping and gives into my silent wishes.
It feels nice to be kissed by her. It also feels good when her soft tongue runs over my bottom lip, that sensation drives me wild. I want more.
More of our kiss and more of her.
I moan as her warm tongue runs across my bottom lip at an agonizing slow pace. Her tongue begins to dart into my mouth but before she has a chance to do so, which would not be good. Because it could result in her potentially cutting her tongue on my razor-sharp teeth. Which would end our kiss and have venom coursing into her bloodstream and begin her transformation. While blood would fill my mouth, and everything could turn to hell.
Not wanting to think about how bad the outcome of that accident could be, and I'm sure it would be horrible. I carefully close my mouth, taking control of our kiss.
She moans as I stick my tongue in her mouth, letting it say hello to hers.
My breathing speeds up and my hand lets go of hers. Wanting to feel more of her, I place my hands on her waist. In one swift move I lay on my back, placing her on top of me.
Wrapped up in our passionate kiss, my hands slip under her shirt, gently roaming up and down her back. Both of us moan in unison while her hands play with my hair.
An overwhelming electricity hums through my body as she presses her soft, warm body to mine, leaving no space between us. Her breasts are against my chest as well as every inch of her gorgeous form is pressed flushed to mine. All her heat and delicate curves are against me and has intense sensations coursing through me.
Fantasies roam free in my mind, all about shedding our clothes that separate us from each other and becoming one.
Warmth quickly spreads in my stomach.
I'm suddenly very aware of my penis. It's becoming hard. The exact thing I don't want to happen.
Deciding I need to give her a chance to breathe, I reluctantly part my lips from hers.
Inhaling I catch a whiff of the beautiful mouthwatering aroma that I now know is her female arousal. It wraps around me, making it difficult to think. But I try to think coherently, wanting to keep my erection at bay.
It's not working.
Feeling hot and bothered and loving every minute of it just as she clearly is. Our lips are reunited, and we keep kissing. Slow and steady, teasing each other before we give in, becoming very passionate once again.
With my semi hard-on growing harder by the minute, I begin to realize I need to put a stop to our kiss. But I really don't want our passion to end, yet I know it should. It needs to. After all, this is not why I came into her room tonight.
I don't want her to get the wrong impression of me.
My hard-on is now at its full potential, poking against her. I begin to feel slightly embarrassed about becoming hard while I'm lying in her bed with her on top of me. I prepare to disengage from our kiss.
Unless I can get my hard-on to become soft. I try with no luck.
Clearly it doesn't want to go down as she moans into my mouth. She rubs herself against my hard-on and I just about lose my mind. That station feels too good and makes me think about what sex would be like.
But I have no plans on having sex tonight, I remind myself. It doesn't matter that I have a rock-solid erection, I have no plans of losing my virginity or taking hers, as of right now. Though the feelings are strong and it's all I can think about.
"Bella, I think we better stop." I mumble against her lips.
"I don't want to stop." Her tone is playful, yet full of longing.
"I don't either," I admit, giving her one last kiss. "But I think it's for the best."
As quickly as I had placed her on top of me, I move her beside me on the mattress.
Breathing very rapidly I lay on my side, adjusting the bulge in my pants so it's not very noticeable. Attempting to put as much distance between us as her small bed, while my mind gets in control of my body I do just that, scooting all the way over to the edge of the bed.
I lay where I am, breathing fast and listening to the sound of her heartbeat. It's a wonderful sound that calms me down.
Bella's breathing is just as rapid as mine as she blinks her eyes, trying to process why she's now beside me instead of on top of me. My fast movements startled her, no doubt.
"I was enjoying our kiss. Did I do something wrong?" She wonders, placing her hand on my cheek.
"Far from wrong," I do my best to reassure her. "In fact, you did the very opposite of it. I loved every minute of our kiss. Couldn't you tell?"
My words state the obvious. Her face becomes the color of a tomato, she knows what I'm insinuating.
"Yeah. But I don't understand why you stopped so suddenly." Her words are sad as she drops her hand from my face, placing it on the pillow between us.
The sting of rejection is evident in her eyes. It pains me to realize she probably believes I put an end to our kissing because she thinks I don't want her, but I do. That's why I had to put a stop to where we were headed before we crossed the point of no return. I'm not ready for that and I'm not sure if she is either.
In a bid to let her know how I feel, I plan on using her words from earlier - when we were kissing next to her dresser - to lighten the mood.
"You're a really good kisser." I say in a teasing tone but meaning every word.
Raising an eyebrow, she stares at me. Clearly, she doesn't believe me.
"It's true." I say seriously. "That's why I had to stop while I still could. All these feelings I feel when we kiss and hug are so new to me and intensified, it's not easy to think in those moments. Especially when my body reacts, then I can't think coherently at all."
"Oh." Her eyes are huge.
"I'm not trying to reject you, that's the last thing I would ever do." I speak nothing but the truth. "But I really needed to stop in order to not cross the line."
"You don't want to be with me?" Her face drops.
"I didn't say that. I wouldn't say that." I gently run my fingers over her warm cheek. It pains me to realize she misinterpreted my actions. "Would you understand if I told you I'm a bit scared to do anything other than kiss? I enjoy kissing you very much. Really, I do," I pause for a second, hoping I'm making sense and not just rambling like an idiot.
"Yes, I understand." She says in a small voice. "I enjoy kissing you too."
Hearing that I smile. She has no idea what those words mean to me.
"Kissing is nice," I go on. "Though everything is so new to me and I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to do or what I should do. You're the first girl I've held hands with and kissed. I've never done anything else before and…and…" I let my voice trail off.
Bella's eyes lock with mine, her heart races, but she doesn't say a word.
"I'm sorry," I continue feeling like I need to say more. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or give you the impression that we were going to go all the way. Please know I didn't come to your room tonight to do anything of the sort. My deepest apologies."
"It's okay." She says kindly. "I understand what you're trying to say, and I love kissing you, it's a lot of fun. It's fine if that's all we do for now. I won't be pushy."
"It is fun." I smile, happy to know she's not too disappointed. "So, you understand what I mean? About the reason why our kiss had to end?"
A bashful smile appears on her face. "Yes." A gorgeous blush colors her checks. "I made you hard again. And you can't think well when you have a hard-on."
That was certainly not what I expected her to say. I'm not sure what I assumed she would say, but that certainly was it. However, her statement is nothing I can deny. I must be truthful even if it's a bit embarrassing to admit.
"Yes." I admit sheepishly.
She giggles and so do I.
We share a smile and I begin to realize that my embarrassing moment isn't so embarrassing after all. She doesn't mind when I become hard, in fact she seems to like it. She also seems to equally enjoy the fact that she's the reason why it happens to me.
I understand that. I enjoy the fact that I can make her aroused too. I love that mouthwatering aroma that's lingering in the air. As much as I love that smell, I try not to focus on it so my hard-on can become soft again.
Thinking about the least sexy thing I can think of, which is about Emmett strangely admitting his odd attraction to tea kettles and frying pans to Jasper and me. When he believed he was giving me well thought out advice but clearly wasn't. It was a very unusual occurrence. Luckily, it's just what I need to think of to get my body back to its natural state.
Ah. Much better.
"I'm glad you're spending the night with me." Bella says, scooting closer to me.
In an attempt to make her more comfortable, I lay on my back. She cuddles up to me, placing her head on my chest.
"As I am. There's no place else I'd rather be." I wrap my arms around her. She's so soft and warm. I love the way she feels in my arms.
"I like how we are able to talk about anything." Her tone is sleepy as her head cradles against my chest.
"That is definitely nice." I agree, running my fingers through her hair.
Our newfound intimacy surely goes beyond kissing, hugging, and making each other aroused, which of course is fun to do. Though so is having a meaningful conversation.
"Then I don't suppose you'd tell me why you didn't want to go home tonight. Please don't take it the wrong way, I am very happy to have you here. But I do wonder…" She lets her voice trail off.
Her words are soft and caring, just as she is, making me realize I have nothing to fear. This is my Bella, after all. She's the one person I can bare everything and everything to. There isn't any judgment between us, no matter what we say.
"My father thought it was time to have 'The Talk' with me." I explain, my voice sounding unusually high as I stop playing with her hair.
"Oh geez." She breathes the words, not moving her head from my chest.
"That wouldn't have been so bad," I admit, keeping my arms around her. "However, my father had a lapse in memory - he forgot I could read minds. Or so it seems because he began thinking about…him making love to my mother." I shiver.
The memories are terrifying. Not only is it disgusting to acknowledge my parents do that. Even though they are perfectly matched mates and love each other dearly. But I saw EVERY inch of my mother, the exact way my father sees her. There's not a part of her that I didn't see from his mind. Not to mention, he had to remember how he feels when he's inside her and unintentionally shared that with me.
Ugh. I feel sick with those thoughts.
Those were definitely things a son should not see or know about his parents. It's truly unfortunate that I'm now aware of such things. I really wish I could forget all this, but I can't.
"So, you saw them doing it from your dad's mind?" She asks, sounding shocked.
"Unfortunately, yes. I saw everything the exact way he remembered it, the way he…felt it." My voice is unsteady and very high as a lump begins to form in my throat.
An unexplainable surge of fear courses through me. My breathing is rapid, and I don't feel right, too anxious and very strange. All my senses are triggered, which makes no sense to me. There is no danger around to make me feel like this. There's no reason I should be feeling afraid, but I am.
I'm sure if I were human, I would be breaking out into a cold sweat right now. My breathing is becoming quicker by the second, and I feel even worse.
I believe I'm having a panic attack, or maybe a nervous breakdown. Either one could be possible.
"Are you okay?" Bella wonders, trying to move out of my arms.
I don't answer her. I can't.
She asks again and her voice seems like it's miles away though I know she's right here with me. She moves in my arms, trying to get out of my embrace. I loosen my hold on her.
Feeling overwhelmed I shut my eyes. I concentrate on the sounds and smells around me. The noise of Bella sitting up in bed, along with the sound of her heartbeat, which guides me home. The soothing scent of my Bella that wraps over me and the feel of her hand on my chest.
All those things make me feel better.
Everything about her clams me down. I open my eyes to see her sitting up, staring at me with the most loving and concerned expression on her face. Once more, she asks if I'm okay.
Trying to find my voice, I swallow the lump in my throat.
Bella patiently waits for my response. Her hand moves from my chest to my face. Her warm hand creates a burn without pain as she strokes my jaw in a loving way.
"That's not an easy question to answer." I admit. "I'm still trying to process the horrible images that are now living rent-free in my mind, whether I like it or not, and I don't like it one bit. It's all very unfortunate."
Bella's eyebrows shoot up in a questioning way.
"What?" I desperately want to know what she's thinking.
"I know it's gross to think of parents doing that." She begins in a soft tone, avoiding the word sex. She drops her hand on my shoulder, drumming her fingers on me. "Even I would like to only think that my parents did it once to procreate and never again. But –"
"But," I cut her off. "Considering my siblings and I are all adopted, my parents have no biological need for it."
"You got me there." She sighs. "But the reality is adults do it. And for whatever reason they also enjoy giving 'the talk' to their kids too. It's all totally gross but very true."
I wrinkle my nose and make a horrible face to emphasize how I feel about both matters. It makes her giggle as she lays back down with me, pulling the covers over us.
"Just don't keep thinking about it. Okay, Edward? Try replacing those thoughts with good things that make you happy. Maybe try reading one of my books to focus on something else." She uses her thumb to point over her shoulder to her nightstand.
Her advice is sound, and I know she's right. Her wisdom seems wise beyond her fifteen years, and I realize she just effectively talked me out of a panic attack. Usually when my anxiety becomes unbearable no one can calm me down but Jasper and his gift. But now I see Bella can because she's my other half.
"I will try," I promise her.
"Good." She places a kiss on my lips.
I gladly return her kiss, enjoying the way her lips feel on mine. Before either of us is able to get carried away she ends our kiss and settles back on my chest with a yawn.
For the first time tonight, I realize she definitely needs sleep.
"Tired?" I ask, wrapping my arm over her.
"A little." She yawns again. "I love you."
"I love you too." I kiss the top of her head.
She says nothing more nor do I.
In complete and utter bliss, both of us cuddle one another.
Almost immediately I feel the difference of her body weight as her muscles relax and she drifts off to unconsciousness. Her breathing slows and her hands tuck under her chin, clutching my shirt while I am her pillow for the night.
This is something I could definitely get used to.
We talked for hours and hours as the world seemed to stand still. But it's late and my human needs her sleep, so I grab the book The Candy Bombers from the nightstand to entertain myself with. I don't open it as I begin to hope I didn't keep her up too late. Hopefully she will be refreshed when morning light comes.
With her head on my chest while she sleeps, heat radiating from her body and surrounding me, flowing through me and making me feel very warm, I smile. I have never felt as happy and content as I do now. I enjoy these feelings very much and never want it to end. There's no doubt in my mind that I want to spend every night from now on with her.
Just me and my Bella cuddling and talking the nights away. That sounds wonderful. I'm sure she wouldn't object to that.
Opening the book with careful movements so as not to wake her, I can't help but think about how Bella is the sun, warm and pure. While I am the earth that's exceptionally blessed to be graced and warmed by her beautiful presents. As long as she lives, and I exist I shall never take her for granted.
She is my life now.
There's nothing I would not do for her. Whatever she shall ask of me, her wish shall be granted. I know I could never deny her anything.
I place a kiss on the top of her head as I begin to read the first page.
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