CHAPTER FIVE

Climbing into Gemma's Escalade I knew that we'd be having a serious conversation during this trip for food.

Starting her car and backing out of her parking space Gemma doesn't even wait till we're out of the lot before asking the one question that will mean I have to answer everything. And all it takes is one word.

"Why?" She flicks her eyes to me and then back to the road.

I know exactly she means, why didn't I trust her, why did I trust Jax would figure out Tara's games, why did I believe that Jax would leave his club, why didn't I tell someone I was leaving, why didn't I come back when I got there and didn't fit in and I know she won't take any bullshit, or half answer.

"Gemma, I didn't tell the whole story of my conversation with Tara to the guys, they didn't need to know, but obviously you do so you can see what she'll do if she thinks she's loosing Jax again. And it all really boils down to one thing, one fact she told me...or so I thought. She told me she was pregnant, and that's why they were both leaving. She said that they had talked about it and agreed that Charming was poison, that it would kill their relationship, and it would kill them. She told me that she had told Jax that she would get an abortion if he didn't leave with her."

I look at Gemma, her hand has tightened on the steering wheel and I know that I've just dumped a bit of information she hadn't even considered on her. "Bitch."

It's the only word that she can come up with at the moment, but I know that the torrent will break and the thoughts that are no doubt swirling inside her head will come out. I just hope it will wait till we're back in the car, not in the middle of Main Street with a box of sandwiches.

Minutes later we're pulling into the car park outside Lumpy's and Gemma is still stewing. Her fingers are tapping erratically on the steering wheel and she's randomly shaking her head or scowling. I know she's trying to organise her thoughts, and I also know she's only doing it so it doesn't seem like she's attacking me.

I step out of the car, and manage to walk straight into David standing outside the restaurant with a coffee in one hand and his radio in the other.

Looking at me like he wants to tell me to watch where I'm walking he does a double take then almost drops his coffee in an effort to hug me while holding the hot beverage.

Taking a step backwards I hold my hands up in surrender "I drink coffee, not wear it."

"You're back. Do Jacob and Dad know you're back?" David asks, attaching his radio back to his belt and hugging me now that he has an arm free.

"No, they don't know I'm back. And I don't really care if they ever know I'm back." I say, momentarily forgetting that Gemma is behind me in the car with the windows rolled down. "They never liked me, never liked my choices. When Jacob saw me packing my car to leave he said it was good riddance to bad rubbish and not to come back."

I feel more than hear the thud of Gemma's door closing as she rounds the car and looks at me, "You mean someone did know you were leaving, but he didn't tell anyone when we asked?"

I cringe at the shit storm I know Jacob will face if Gemma runs into him before she can be calmed down. "Yes, but in his defence I did ask him as a final thing for me to not tell anyone he knew that I was going, and he did not know where I was going."

Gemma sighs, and I know that Jacob doing that one favour for me has to get him out of her bad books on this, after all he was helping family, and that's the most important thing to her.

She throws open the door to Lumpy's ushers me inside then goes to the counter. About 15 minutes later, with the boxes of sandwiches in tucked back into the car with and enough soda for a small army we're back on the road and Gemma finally manages to articulate what she wanted to say about Tara.

"I know she wasn't pregnant. Jax would have known she wasn't pregnant. He did not want kids till he was well settled in the club, even Abel, though we all love him, has come too early in Jax's mind. I know one thing about him, he was always protecting himself from unwanted children, he wouldn't have had unprotected sex with anyone, even Tara, and even if she swore and declared she was on any sort of contraception. He would not have risked it. Tara knew that there was only one person in the world that he would leave Charming for. You. If you had asked him to go with you he would have, in a heartbeat. That boy may not have known it then but he loved you from the minute you threw up on his shoes in middle school. He didn't realise it, Tara knew it, and I knew it. That's why she came to you and told you that load of horse shit. I think the reason that Tara leaving hurt him so much wasn't even that it was Tara had left, it was that you had left."

I look over at Gemma and I'm stunned for a minute before I start to think through what she said. I can tell that she honestly believes what she's just said and I know that Jax was very anti-children before marriage, which was really ironic to me when he was fucking anything with two sets of lips. But I also knew back then that he was going through a giant box of condoms every week, if not more than that. I should know, being the one that had to go with him every time he'd buy them, always laughing at him when he'd ask if I wanted to help him check them for size.

"You know, I think, in some of that, you're right. She was planning to go to medical school; she wouldn't have wanted a baby. She may have wanted Jax to leave with her, but do you really think she would have lied to him to get him to go?"

"Oh baby, she never told him she was pregnant. She told you she was pregnant so you'd leave, knowing that if you were here and she left Jax would end up with you. Tara and you were friends till she got with Jax, weren't you?" Gemma asks, turning the wrong way to take the sandwiches to the garage.

I know she's doing it to give me time to think, but if I'm honest with myself the only person I want to talk to about this is sitting at home with her kids.

"Gemma, can we go back to the garage, I need to go back and help Donna." I ask her, knowing that she won't take it badly because Gemma remembers that it was me that got Donna to let go of her hatred of the club her husband was a member of, it's always been Donna that I turned to when I needed to voice things that I wasn't sure about. And likewise, Donna always came to me when she couldn't sort the mess in her head.

"Sure baby. Grab some food for you and Donna before you give it to the ravenous horde. And don't forget that cell; we all have the number for it now."

Reaching over her shoulder I pull a couple of sandwiches from the box and sit them on my lap. "Oh, and Sarah?" Gemma asks as she pulls in beside my car "We're going to talk about that." She states pointing at my car.

Rolling my eyes, knowing that Gemma isn't worried about the car, but more about how I probably drive the car having been on the receiving end of a countless number of middle of the night calls from me when I'd had my car taken by Unser for excessive speed and needed to get back home. The ancient Toyota that I'd had as a first car didn't look that flash but the work that Opie put into it when he was starting at the garage made it a hell of a lot faster then it looked.

"Relax Please Aunt Gemma." I say, pulling out the 'Aunt' again hoping to soften her towards my lead foot issues. "I haven't had a speeding ticket in forever. It was your son who always told me to go faster and called me a chicken."

"Is that so?" Gemma says, flicking her eyes to where Jax is leaning against a picnic table with a cigarette hanging from his fingertips.

"Yup." I reply with a bright smile, mentally crossing my fingers that she'll believe me. And that she wouldn't see the bundle of receipts for paid speeding tickets poking out of the centre console of my car.

Hopping out of her car and into mine I leave Teller-Morrow with the sounds of tyres screaming and guys cheering behind me, and a smoky view of Gemma shaking her head but grinning widely.