What's up, my favorite readers?

Welcome back to another update. It's been a while, and I'm afraid that the speed won't be picking up for the time being since - drumroll - I got my first job after uni and whew work is no joke. But I'm not stopping, so please don't give up on Joyous Children, either, I'm counting on your support!

Speaking of supporting: JC has been up and running for two years now, hooray! On anniversary day, I posted a new chapter in the Side fics, so have a look at it - it features Toshiro and what he thinks about the girl that just waltzed into his life and threw everything off balance.

Thanks, as always, to my beta NightsBlackRose13 for being patient and giving super helpful advice. Also, beta has started a Naruto-One Piece crossover with me beta'ing: it's called "Drifting Whitecaps" and I think I'm safe to say that there're some awesome things coming. So please check it out!

Chapter 23: Thou Shalt Not Pass

My eyes fly open with a jolt.

Clean, fresh air rushes into my lungs, free of any unpleasant scents and lingering tastes and I spend several seconds just breathing it in. And out. In. And out.

It feels so good.

For a long moment, I just lie there and breathe, my eyes staring upwards at nothing in particular. There's nothing interesting to see anyways since the sky has decided to go all white today. What a weird thing to do, sky. Eh.

It takes entirely too long for me to realize that this is something just slightly too out of the ordinary to be so nonchalant about.

I sit up with a start. Look around.

It's not just the sky that's completely white.

Everything is.

Like, literally.

Everything. No up or down, no left or right.

Just – white.

How … how did I get here? Where was I before this? What is here?

My hands grope for a kunai, a shuriken, anything that could function as a weapon. I get up from my sitting position into a defensive crouch, the blood in my ears loud enough to drown out the crackling silence of the whiteness. My breath is coming in short bursts like I've just come out of a battle, like my body is still high on adrenaline even though I've been lying around not half a minute ago.

I have a bad feeling about this. Worse still, I think I've been here before. What was it?

I wreck my brain trying to recall why I find this all so terrifyingly familiar, but for some reason, my thoughts move with the speed and consistency of chewing gum that's been slapped beneath a school desk and forgotten for at least a week.

My hands haven't come up with anything and I have no choice but to put them up in the familiar Uchiha style taijutsu stance. The bandages have loosened at places, covered in soot and dirt and again, there's the strong feeling that I've just come out of a fight.

A sudden thought comes to me then.

Is this how it feels like to die?

Am I going to die?

My hands start shaking as my vision blurs. My eyes are blinking rapidly as one moment, there's just the dirty bandages and the next, blood is dripping down between my fingers, running sticky rivulets down my cheeks –

I am going to die.

I am dying.

D … y … i … n –

WHACK

Did something just hit my head?

WHACK

Ow!

Something definitely just hit my head! My head already hurts! Bad Idea!

WHACK

"You bloody soot! Dimwitted dookie nugget! Brainless queen of trolls!"

What?

WHACK

"Moronic over-powered mimosa!"

HEY!

The next WHACK never comes to existence as my hand shoots out to catch whatever the hell is hitting me. My fingers close around thick, rolled-up paper and without thinking, I yank at it hard enough to send the person holding it in a wide arc over my head and slamming into the ground right in front of me.

I blink.

Huh.

I didn't think I was strong enough to do that.

Well.

They should have let go, then. Or refrained from hitting me in the first place.

Also, hooray to chakra use.

They lie unmoving in a heap before me, their kimono of a slightly iridescent purple color that makes me dizzy after watching it for longer than a few seconds. It jostles at another part of my memory and when they lift their head to give me a reproachful look, their androgynous face finally allows the last puzzle piece to fall into place.

I gasp.

Point my finger at him.

And yell.

"You are The Bureau Guy!"

Everything makes sense now. The whiteness, the loss of orientation, the headache. And of course, The Guy from the Bureau for Soul Transfer Affairs themselves. How could I forget all of that? You'd think that meeting a representative from 'Heaven' would stick out as something rather prominent in a brain. Or, in this case, as something super unpleasant, what with the noise, the headache and the weird revelations surrounding my reincarnation into Narutoverse.

Which reminds me.

Why are they even here.

This … is not exactly a social call, right? Most probably.

Umm.

Did I do something?

Last time they appeared, I was in desperate need of someone kicking my ass. You know, to stop being a zombie and all that jazz. But this time?

What – what exactly did I do before coming here?

"You! Are! A! Fool!"

Oh. They're at it again.

It's annoying.

I reach forward to grab them by their collar – which is easy since they didn't bother to get up properly and just continued yelling propped up on their arms in a supremely undignified manner – and bring their eyes to the same level as mine.

"How about you tell me what the hell your problem is before insulting me?" I snarl.

Oh wow, I sounded mean. But I'm super pissed, so I forgive myself.

The Bureau Guy breaks off mid-rant and just stares at me.

I stare back.

"Ah," they say after a while, voice back to sounding like the pleasant voicemail announcer that I remember from last time. "I see. The memory wipe has already been active. I didn't realize. Apologies."

What.

Memory wipe?!

Rage bubbles up inside me, adding to the headache from the whiteness and pounding against my skull.

I swear, if anybody has been messing with my head again I am going to find them and obliterate their ass. I am so sick of this, I'm going to fight whatever god there is myself and give them a thorough piece of my mind.

As if being able to hear my inner rant, Bureau Guy, conveniently close to me since my hand is still bunched into a fist at their collar, sticks out their arms and puts their hands flat on the sides of my face.

The whiteness instantly makes place for images and scenes so vivid in color that I feel like I'm reliving an experience.

Running through a forest – an ambush – Hanako is so fast – oh god we gutted that guy – Nawaki is injured – another ambush?! – no, we can't leave Sensei behind! – camp – Orochimaru – Zetsu –

And –

And.

Everybody is dead.

The realization falls on my head with the force of an avalanche, screams its horror at my face at point-blank range and burns a hole into my chest with the blunted ruthlessness of a heated iron poker.

No wonder it felt like I was reliving an experience.

It's all real. It happened.

And

It's

My

Fault

"Objectively speaking, that is not true at all."

I slowly turn my head to look at the only other person there to witness my current wretched state.

"There is no indication at all that would point to you being responsible for the attack on your camp, because you simply were not. So saying that their deaths was your fault is quite a stretch."

They have gotten back to their feet and are looking immaculate again. I don't know when I released them. I don't know what they're talking about. Can't they just leave me alone? Can't they hear me screaming, breaking, crumbling? Being ground into dust?

"However," they continue, "you killing yourself was your fault, and your fault alone."

And here I thought being dead would be free of any pain, silly me.

And then it clicks.

Amongst all the other colossal failures, I apparently also managed the feat to kill myself without realizing it.

I am dead.

When … when did that happen?

Another sensation rushes at me, but instead of pictures, this time is … different. The echo of something deep within myself – reaching out and – closing around a foreign brightness. Eclipsing it.

It leaves me with the feeling of having done something profoundly wrong. Sacrilegious.

Does taking one own's life feel like that?

"Only if one keeps pushing an overpowered ability without regards to the consequences, as you foolishly did," Bureau Guy dryly comments.

Wait.

I didn't say that out loud. What are they, a mind reader? And why so goddamn rude about it?!

"Stop that!"

They arch one perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Stop what? Reading your thoughts and generously offering explanations or, I quote, 'being so goddamn rude about it'?"

This one is just asking to be punched, I swear it.

"Instead of using physical violence, I recommend listening to my words. As I said, I'm willing to explain."

This does manage to stop me in my tracks. On the one hand, I could really do with some explanations. On the other, I really do want to punch them.

Hm.

Questions first, punching later. And at the end of the day, I can still go back to being depressed. Doesn't that sound like an appealing deal.

I narrow my eyes to appear a bit more intimidating and a little less like a hot mess. "Good enough for now. Start talking then. And better begin from the beginning!"

"I do not approve of your plan to punch –"

"And stay out of my head!"

There's a short silence.

And then, pleasant as ever: "As you wish."

Oh?

That was easier than expected. Except of course, they don't mean it. But even so, there's nothing I can actually do about it. Well then.

Nothing left but jumping right into it, I guess.

)()()(

"… OK, let me summarize – just so you know that I got it right," I say dryly, after a perceived hundred years of them explaining … well, a lot.

Bad thing after that: I am positively numb because I'm supposed to feel too many conflicting emotions at once.

Good thing after that: I am positively numb because I'm supposed to feel too many conflicting emotions at once.

Sometimes, not often, things are easy like that.

"I unlocked my Mangekyou because I watched my teammate die. And because I and my circumstances are super extra, the unlocked ability is not something ordinary like, say, distortion of the space-time-continuum or awesome torture illusions. Instead, I get some kind of life-force-absorption which sounds almighty and super awesome but is actually not because it kills me with a speed proportionate to the amount of life-force that I absorb. Did I get it right so far?"

"Because foreign life-force is 'cancerous' to your own, yes," the Bureau Guy helpfully adds. And then, with a smile that is genuinely pleased: "I am delighted to see that my explanations have been well received."

Ah. Good for you, buddy.

I almost hope they heard that.

"Yaa … I'll just continue then. So, the reason I'm here right now, talking to you, is because I overused my Mangekyou so badly, my life-force was completely poisoned within minutes. Hence me dying. Oh, and also, my body couldn't handle the Sharingan-induced strain. Correct?"

"Correct."

"But I am not actually dead and stuck in some kind of limbo here with you because you or the people you work for don't want me dead quite yet, right?"

At this, Bureau Guy frowns. "I did not say that."

I huff. "Of course you didn't, this is something I am assuming. Look, there must be a reason you're here and stopping my soul from going to Nirvana for the second time already and the most direct answer is that someone is refusing to let me pass. I'm not complaining, mind you, but I do want to know why. Also, you promised to explain, so please explain."

They don't look too convinced. "How do you know I'm working for someone else?"

Oh, please.

I just barely manage not to roll my eyes. "You are from the 'Bureau of Soul Transfer Affairs'. If that name doesn't scream 'Hierarchies!' and 'Bureaucracy!' I don't know what does."

"Ah. I see."

They fall silent again.

Seriously. Is it going to be like that.

I ready myself for a battle over every scrap of information and am about to go on the offensive –

"Your assumption that your soul is not allowed to pass into the next stage is right. It has been decided that the benefits of keeping you alive in your current dimension and universe outweigh the costs."

Huh.

Good, I guess.

Also, what the hell.

"You have only been active for a comparatively short time, but in proportion to that same short time, your achievements have already been significant. Because of this, the potential of your actions now and in the foreseeable future has increased exponentially."

What what what. I don't feel so numb anymore.

"Simply put, it has been judged that you will be able fulfill the most important expectations within the realms of reasonable certainty."

HELL WHAT?!

"Expectations?!" I explode. "Nobody told me anything about expectations?! What are you talking about, dimension, benefit and cost, achievements, potential – WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS MEAN?!"

Bureau Guy smiles patiently. "I understand that you might be upset at this sudden reveal of information. To better accommodate your queries, I ask you to specify them."

I AM SO GOING TO PUNCH THEM

"And may I remind you that violence is not advised as I am still willing to answer."

I close my eyes.

I should … breathe. Yeah, breathing is always a good idea. Maybe count to ten, too?

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Repeat.

… nah, I'll pass on the counting. My fists have almost stopped shaking anyway.

"So," I drawl, markedly slow, "what's this about expectations? I distinctly remember you telling me that all my decisions are my own the last time we talked."

"You remember right and it remains true. Though I do admit that this was only part of the … ah, let's call it overarching truth." They clear their throat. "It has always been imperative that you do what you believe is right. You were not to start following a plan or some schedule that was forced upon you, since it was believed that that would have had detrimental effects on your productivity."

I let their words sink in.

"This," I finally say, "has got to be the single worst approach to achieving a goal that I have ever heard of. 'Oh yeah, let's shove a girl from one universe to another and hope that her motivations and actions somehow align with our plan, which, by the way, let's not tell her about that part.' I mean, seriously? That was the plan?"

They nod. "I understand why that appears absurd to you on the basis of the information you have available. However, it is important to note that there has been far more thought put into giving you the right incentives than you are aware of."

"… incentives?"

Why do I suddenly get the feeling that I won't like what they're going to answer?

"Do you think it was chance that let you be reborn as a member of the Uchiha, a clan with a key role in everything that was and is to come in this world? That allowed you to take control of a body with immense power in its genetic make-up? That put you into a close relationship with your brother, another key player of the future?"

"But," my voice comes out small and weak, "the first time, you said … you said that there had been a mistake in the system, that I – that I wasn't supposed to be here!"

Their reply is calm and measured. "I lied. I apologize for causing you emotional distress, but it was necessary."

It was necessary.

That's it. That's their reasoning for pulling the ground from underneath my feet. For collapsing the little corner of normalcy, of reality, that I have finally managed to build for myself, to make myself keep going.

It was necessary.

Have any of the decision I've made until now been my own? Truly, entirely, exclusively mine? Ever?

"The existence of the plan does not make your reality any less true. You have no reason to feel invalidated."

I slowly look up at them, their face carefully set into a neutral expression. I absently register that they must've been in my head again, but right now, I don't care.

"What is this plan?" My voice sounds strangely hollow to my ears. "Tell me."

"You are familiar with Kaguya, the Rabbit Goddess and later Demon of ancient times?"

I blink.

Uh.

"She was introduced very briefly in the manga. I don't know much about her except that she was the first one to use chakra because she ate the fruit of that huge-ass tree, became evil, had two sons who shot her on the moon, left Black Zetsu behind, came back hella mad with said Black Zetsu's help, was punched by Sakura and got sealed away for good by Naruto and Sasuke. I think there was going to be more about her in the anime, but I died before watching those episodes. Which is inconvenient, I guess?"

"It suffices for now. Although I have one correction to make: her sons did not 'shoot her on the moon' as you put it, rather, she was encased in the husk of the ten-tails and became the moon."

Humph. Fusspot.

"So what about her?" I ask, trying not to sound too impatient.

"She originally worked for the same entities that I work for."

Wait, what?!

"What little information you will be able to find about Kaguya in your world describes her as the princess of a clan from a star far away in the galaxy. This is how she presented herself to your people, but the truth of the matter remains that she is only a servant to one of those entities that you can call 'The Old Ones'."

Oh god, this is getting better by the second, isn't it.

"She served The Old Ones as a guardian to this world, the main task being to take care of what your people call the 'god-tree', or in your words, that 'huge-ass tree'. She did so since the beginning of this world and, over time, grew compassionate towards the plight and struggle of the humans. So she decided to go against the rules of The Old Ones, made herself known to her charges and lived among them. It did not take long for her to take the next step, however, and she abused her duty by consuming the fruit of the tree."

Ohohoho wait I know where this goes.

"Let me guess," I hiss. "What Kaguya did made a mess for those Old Dudes, they couldn't be bothered to handle it, ordered you to drag me here and expect me to fix it?"

At that, Bureau Guy looks offended. "It is a lot more complex than that! The Old Ones cannot take care of it personally because they cannot physically enter this world. I can assure you, however, that a lot of consideration has been put into choosing you for the task. You should feel honored."

Honored.

I should feel honored.

White-hot pressure is building up inside me, pushing through my throat, pulsating behind my eyes and hammering against the top of my skull.

The gall.

"I. Did. Not. Ask for this! Nobody asked if I was even remotely ok with this! I refuse to be the tool of some nebulous beings whose motivations I don't know and who couldn't be bothered to tell me their plan until I died and threatened to destroy that plan! I refuse, refuse, refuse, you hear me?"

"This," Bureau Guy sighs, "is exactly what they feared would happen if the plan was made known to you."

"Well they were fucking right to expect that!"

They nod once, accepting. "Are you sure you want to refuse?"

Wha-

"Does … does that mean I can?"

"Of course. Although I suggest you listen to the possible outcomes of that decision first."

They do have a point. I loathe to admit it, but they really do. So I reluctantly relent. "I'm listening. Shoot."

"The immediate consequence of course would be that you will not go back to living since bringing you back is only possible with considerable effort on our side which would not be very effective if you were no part of the plan anymore."

I should have expected that. Of course they would stop any investments as soon as I refused. But … I don't know, would it be so bad? To go and rest?

"The long-term consequences," Bureau Guy continues on, "are, of course, harder to determine. However, I have to warn you about this: we have observed a phenomenon in which time tends to push events and results into what we call the original time line if not actively worked against. We call it the principle of time elasticity."

I frown. "What does it mean exactly?"

"It means that even if time is wound back, the likelihood that certain events that occurred in the original timeline, occur again in the same or similar fashion is greater the less they are actively worked against. Allow me to give you an example: On the one hand, Uchiha Kiyomi and Uchiha Nobuo died in an attack on the village in both the original timeline as well as the timeline that has seen a primary modification through the addition of your existence, because there was nothing or too little done to work against the flow of events that led there.

"On the other hand, Akari and Kyoden of the Sand that you know as the parents of what will become Akasuna no Sasori survived their encounter with Hatake Sakumo in this timeline thanks to your initial interference. They will continue to work against the time elasticity."

Wait, what?

"How did I help Sasori's parents survive meeting Sakumo?"

"By killing the kunoichi Tsuge Toya, who belonged with the perpetrators from Iwa that attacked and destroyed much of Konoha's security infrastructure. She killed your father."

My mind is whirling.

I don't know if they're aware, but Bureau Guy's habit to call everyone they talk about by their name just gave me a huge clue to the mystery that I wasn't aware I was carrying around me: the mystery surrounding that very same attack. As far as I know, it's still unknown how those Iwa nin even got that far into the Land of Fire and past the village's security measures. With this vital piece of information I could … I don't know, do something.

If I go back, that is.

Aside from all this, it still doesn't explain the connection to Sasori's parents.

"Please elaborate. I still don't get the connection."

"You killing her prevented her from activating her self-destruction seal and made her body a treasure trove for Konoha's intelligence. It is thanks to that information that Konoha was able to figure out which party was behind the attack, consequently making it possible to work out an alliance contract for Suna, one which was accepted. Thus, even though Akari, Kyoden and Hatake Sakumo still met, the result was different."

Holy frickin' shit.

I did not know that.

I … That's –

That's the first good news about my existence that I've heard.

Bureau Guy – I should ask their name, I can't keep calling them Bureau Guy forever – graciously allows me to take a few seconds to digest the information before he continues. "To come back to the matter of the possible consequences of your refusal: although it is undeniable that you have changed a lot already and set the course for some other developments, too, the probability for a lasting alteration to this world and dimension slims down the further time progresses. If you leave now, the elasticity of time will find a way to restore the original timeline – you can call it fate, if you want to. That includes, among others, the fate of one Uchiha Obito."

My whole body goes cold.

Obito, Obito, my sweet baby brother.

Consent, being a plaything for the Old Ones, being tired of everything – all of the things that have bothered me until now.

They all dwarf in the face of the possibility that I can save Obi. This is something only I can do. I am his only Nee-chan.

Bureau Guy is right. I can be fed up with everything that I have been dished out. I have every right to be.

But I can never abandon my little brother.

I let out a humorless laugh. "You already knew how this was going to end from the very moment you came here, didn't you?"

"I told you that the Old Ones put a lot of thought into giving you the right incentives," they say quietly and for once, I can make out an apologetic note in their voice.

I close my eyes and exhale. Swallow. And open my eyes again.

"What kind of tricks are you going to pull to bring me back to the living this time?"

)()()(

The rustle of a tent flap being moved is the first sound that arrives at my ears, followed by the soft footfall of a person walking in – cautiously, but not stealthily – and sitting down somewhere near me. Their breathing is calm and regular, and a few seconds pass before I hear the crinkle of a paper scroll being unfurled.

I'm lying on a thin mattress, with a thin blanket covering me and my head supported by a thin pillow. It feels like what I imagine your typical field-hospital bed to be like, not that I've ever had the pleasure to lie on one before. No, only real hospital beds for me, the luxurious kind.

Time to open my eyes I guess. Maybe I'm lucky and it's a medic. Or anyone who could give me some water I guess. My throat feels positively parched.

The lighting in the tent is dim but that doesn't seem to bother the person reading their scroll. I blink a few times to chase away the blurry edges around my field of vision and immediately recognize that silvery grey shock of hair.

"Sakumo?" My voice sounds so weak.

The man stands up from his chair and is by the side of my bed even before I have finished saying his name.

"Etsuko-chan, you're awake! How are you feeling?" He gently pushes some strands of hair out of my face and doesn't remove his hand after that, instead softly stroking my cheek.

"Thirsty …" I croak.

"Of course," he says and I instantly miss the warmth of his hand as he stands up to get me some water.

"There. Drink slowly, alright?"

I nod and take the bottle from his hands. He carries the chair over so he can sit right by my side. His hand is back in my hair.

I drink his affection up together with the water like a dried-up sponge.

He retakes the bottle and puts it on the little table beside the head of my bed after I've had enough. "Do you want some more?"

I shake my head. "How long have I been out?"

"It's been almost eleven days now." He breathes out. "It … didn't look good for a couple days. But you're strong, and you survived." He smiles. "I'm so proud of you."

I look down at my hands. They're bandaged up, white stripes running up the length of my arms and disappearing beneath the sleeves of my shirt.

I have no reason to be proud of surviving. I had help, from so many, here and above.

The rest of my team didn't.

"I'm alone now." It slips out of me without asking for permission and I can't bring myself to look at Sakumo. I wish he didn't hear that.

At first, he doesn't answer

Suddenly I feel strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into a tight hug. The smell of sweat, dogs and sandalwood rises up into my nose, so comfortingly Sakumo. He is so warm, too.

"It hurts a lot now," he says with a quiet voice. "It will keep hurting, for a long time after, and it will never really disappear. But we learn to make space for it in our hearts. We learn not to stop letting others into our hearts, too. This is how we are never alone, Etsuko-chan."

He doesn't let go, not even as sobs start racking my body, as my tears start soaking through his flak jacket.

He doesn't let go until I exhaust myself from crying and fall back into a deep, dreamless sleep.

)()()( )()()(

Regarding Uchiha Etsuko

Hokage-sama,

Uchiha Etsuko has awoken from her coma and appears to be physically healthy.

I am aware of the reasons for keeping CAPUCHIN's survival a secret. However, I believe that the recovery of both CAPUCHIN as well as Uchiha Etsuko can be accelerated considerably if the both of them could support each other. Therefore, I formally request the information be shared with Uchiha Etsuko as soon as she's stable enough.

As to the further development of her shinobi training: since continuing in her team will be impossible, I formally apply to be appointed her jounin instructor, following the structure of an apprenticeship. Points in favor of my appointment will be listed in a separate document.

Respectfully,

Jounin Commander Hatake Sakumo

Requests in regards to Uchiha Etsuko

Hatake-kun,

I am relieved to hear that Uchiha Etsuko has awoken without further damage. I understand your reasoning for requesting the classified information be shared with her and, personally, am in favor of it. However, since this is a matter of village security, it will have to be discussed with the inner council. We shall see.

Your request to be appointed her jounin instructor will be taken into careful consideration as well. You might be surprised to hear that yours is not the only one of that kind – or maybe not, since you have recognized her potential early on as well. In this, too, we shall see.

I will inform you of new developments as soon as they arise.

May the Will of Fire guide you,

Sarutobi Hiruzen

AN: Capuchins are a breed of small monkeys.