CHAPTER TWENTY

He strides over to me and as soon as I am within reach he turns me around, saying "We need to talk for a minute."

I let him push me towards the outer door, but as soon as we're outside I break from his grip and spend a couple of minutes getting food, hoping to delay the confrontation I am sure is about to come, before I head to the picnic table Jax has commandeered, dropping a plate in front of him I sit down opposite and wait.

He's completely motionless and silent for a few seconds, before he fishes out a cigarette and drops the pack between us. Calling a prospect over he sends him inside to bring back beer and whatever I want to drink.

Taking a look at Jax's face I decide it's going to be rough, whatever it is that he has to say so I decide on a bottle of vodka, and a shot glass.

10 minutes of very awkward silence, Jax is just starting to swear at the prospects ability to disappear when the ½ full bottle of ice cold vodka, a second shot glass and a bottle of whiskey are placed between us. I finish the simple burger I'd grabbed and place the plate between us to act as an ashtray for him. Jax lights another smoke and stares as the untouched food I placed in front of him. I'm not sure if I should be insulted that he's not eating, or glad that I got a final meal.

He takes a deep breath, and a big slug of beer, "I know you didn't touch her I should have believed you in the first place. I'm sorry that I thought for even a second that you had done it."

I'm momentarily stunned, I was expecting several things. This was not on the list. "So, what actually happened?" I ask, genuine curiosity colouring my tone.

"After the surgery, in recovery, she was really dopey but still started talking, it's the most honest I've heard her, she was telling me about what happened when you came over, but before she could tell me the whole story, one of the doctors from paediatrics came down to see how she was. I recognised him from seeing him check on Abel, but I'd never thought about it. But Tara, she started muttering to him, apologising for not telling me the truth. I was so confused but Dr Namid, the doctor, said he didn't know what she meant, he hadn't seen her since she observed on Abel's surgery. And I started to piece together what she meant, she lied to me about Abel's operation, she told me that SHE performed it all. That's why she was apologising to him; she took credit for him saving my sons life. But I thought I might have been confused, so I went and checked over all Abel's notes, sure enough all the surgical notes have Dr Namid's name beside them and there is a note on the list of who was present that 'Tara Knowles – Medical student' was observing."

He stops for a second, puts the beer to his mouth and drains half the bottle. "I went and talked to her neighbour about the other night, he told me exactly what I guess I expected to hear, you arrived, you talked, and you left. But apparently when you left she looked livid. She slammed her door so hard she broke one of the panes in the top, which she also blamed on you when I got there and found it. What's worse about the whole thing though is when I went and told her we were done she asked me if it was because of Abel and the surgery, or if it was because of you. Then she told me that she had wanted to see if she could come back and end up back where she was before she left, in my life, heart and bed. It turns out she has a fiancée in Chicago. She never intended on staying in Charming."

Words were falling out of Jax at a speed I struggled to keep up with. Pouring him a shot of whiskey while I let the words he's just spewed sink into my brain I absently note that Donna and Opie have come outside, and Cam and Al have made themselves at home with members of the Charming charter and a vague thought floats through my mind that maybe the men attached to those kuttes could help make Charming their homes too. I know that my friends are making sure Jax isn't currently trying to drag me out of the lot to murder me, and it does make me grateful towards them.

Turning my attention back to Jax I don't know what to say, the 'I told you so' is right on the tip of my tongue, so I take a shot of vodka to drown it, I know it won't help this situation, and I hope that the anger I can see simmering under Jax's exterior is not aimed at anyone but Tara.

Jax obviously gets that I need a minute as he calmly sits drinking his beer, finally eating the burger in front of him and sends the prospect that's still floating around outside back in for another beer, which arrives back inside a minute. After another 5 minutes the new beer and the burger are done and he looks at me and says "Say something, please."

"Honestly, I'm not really sure what to say. I don't want to say I told you so, and I hope you realise that, but I do want to say that Donna told you to look at Abel's notes. Gemma told you something was off with Tara. Opie said that you took Tara back into your life too easy."

I stop, take a drink, bypassing the shot glass entirely and just tipping the bottle to my lips. A few mouthfuls of the clear liquid don't help the thoughts become one coherent stream but I start talking anyway, knowing Jax needs something.

"Jax, I left for many reasons, some of them you know, but you don't know the whole story Tara told me. She told me she was pregnant, that it was yours and that's why you were so eager to leave with her. I couldn't, and wouldn't, continue to live the half-life I had with her hanging all over you when you were both around me, I couldn't deal with the phone calls I would get when you two were having sex. I couldn't deal with the constant comments she would make about you and your…" I take another swig, hoping it will help me break the babble that's started flooding out.

The vodka doesn't help, and I know I've told him more than I planned, but I figure I may as well let him know it all. "…assets, I guess is the most polite way to word it. She knew how I felt about you. Shit she only met you cause I became her friend, I thought she was mine to and I was stupid enough to have told her that I loved you and that I was sure I would eventually be your Old Lady. That was about a month before she ended up in your bed, I'd be egotistical if I thought it was cause of me, but part of me will always thing that that's the only reason she ended up there so fast was to keep me out of it. Do you know where she was the afternoon of your crow became her tramp stamp?" I take a breath, the vodka sloshing a little in the bottle as I push it around on the table, using it as something to do with my hands and a way to avoid having to look at Jax.

"She was standing in my living room, showing me how you'd marked her as being the most important woman in your life, as the person you intended to spend the rest of your life with. Then she spent about 10 minutes telling me all about the sex you'd had the second it was finished and you were able to leave. Donna didn't get any of that, but obviously Tara didn't see Donna as any threat, after all even back then it was clear that the only man for Donna was Opie. But she still would make sure that Donna was in ear shot every now and then to hear her babble about the 'beautiful family' you would have and how your future would be 'perfect together'."

I look up at him and see he looks stunned, but I'm not quiet finished yet.

"I didn't come back intending to take my place back where it was before I left, I won't be that 5th wheel again. I came back to help you, if you wanted it, with Abel. I came back to get away from Craig, which you all know. I came back because I was sick of New York. I came back because I missed my friends, and my family. Coming back and finding out that not only was Tara back, but she was back in your life almost made me turn around and leave again. But you're not the only reason I came back, yes I missed you, and yes it took a long time for me to stop thinking about you, but I'm not running again."

"I'm sorry that she lied to you about the most important thing in the world, Abel's life. I'm sorry she lied to you about me, but that doesn't surprise me. Her and I have a dislike that stemmed after she became your girlfriend it will never be gone. I'm sorry that she manipulated you, and I'm sorry that you fell for it all. I'm not sorry that you know what she's like now, and I'm not sorry that I've told you how she was before I left. I am sorry that I didn't tell you before I left. I'm not sorry that you now know how she treated your friends."

I stand up, going to walk past him, but I stop for a second, right beside where he's sitting. I reach over and pull the vodka bottle from the table, "When you're over her, have your fun fucking as many sweet butts as you want, but remember Jax I am not going anywhere, but I won't wait forever."

I kiss him on the cheek and walk over to Donna and Opie who are watching Happy and Tig beat the shit out of each other in the ring.

Donna looks at me, but I shake my head. I've had enough shit for one night, enough emotions have been torn out of me in one 30 minute conversation to last me a week. I am content to sit beside my best friend and her husband, drink the vodka I'm clutching and watch the bizarre display of 'manliness' unfold in the ring.

By 10pm I'm ready to go home, Jax doesn't seem to have moved far from where I left him, and I catch Gemma as she walks past "Are you leaving now?" I ask, hoping she'll be able to drop me back at the Winston's so I can sleep away this nightmare.

She nods and the pair of us go to her car, while I look frantically around the lot, having not seen my car since I came back outside, before I relax when Gemma laughingly says, "It's been put in one of the bays, there weren't any more parks out here. Ope has the keys still."

I nod, folding myself into the seat and watch out the window as Jax seems to break the trance he was in, stand and head into the clubhouse, the now distastefully familiar blonde attaching herself to his side the second he moves.