A/N - I added in a bit of a crossover; let me know if you recognize what show it is. It's not important at all, but I couldn't help myself.

Boring disclaimer you can probably skip: All rights to Twilight belong to literally everyone but myself. That's an exaggeration... All rights belong to Stephanie Meyer.

WARNING - There are mentions of rape in this chapter.

The bar was loud.

That was the very first thought I had when I stepped into the bar. It wasn't too late but the place was crawling with people. I had hoped that Alice would lead us to a nice, secluded table in a corner, but of course, she led us straight to the bar, claiming the middle seat of three for herself. Rose sat on her right and I hefted myself on the stool with my embarrassingly short legs on her left.

Next to me, only a seat in between, sat a man. He wasn't old but he didn't look my age either. My guess was that he was in his mid-to-late twenties. He cradled the glass in his hands, taking slow sips, cringing each time. On his other side was a group of rowdy people, and just from one glance I could tell he was left out. He was friends with them, that much was obvious, but he was clearly not as comfortable as he seemed to be. He looked everywhere but in the direction of his friends, making me realize he felt like a fifth wheel.

Now you may be thinking - What the hell are you doing, Bella? - but I know what I'm doing. Sure, it's a little odd to immediately take note of a group of friends and single out the loner, but hey, it takes one to know one right? Speaking of, on my right sat Alice and Rose, eagerly talking about some sort of new fashion line that I immediately tuned out. I was the third wheel in my group - even though we were supposedly here for me; I know the girls would use any excuse posible to go out on a weekend - and the guy next to me was the fifth wheel in his.

So perhaps it was the glass I had on the way here, or maybe the few sips I took from my flask while I waited in the motel room, that spurred my decision to scoot my stool closer. The guy's ears twitched at the sound of the chair scratching against the floor but he didn't look up. He didn't move an inch but I saw his eyes roll to the corner, trying to see if I was trying to talk to him or not. I decided to make it easier for him.

I glanced behind me toward Alice and Rose, who were too engrossed in their conversation to even notice as I slowly slid over to the next seat, putting me right next to the man. "Hey," I said, my voice raspy and I quickly cleared my throat. The man looked up, smiled somewhat awkwardly, and looked back down. Maybe he doesn't want to talk, a part of me reasoned. Naturally, I ignored it. "Hey," I said again.

This time the man looked up and held my gaze. His eyes quickly scanned my form before he shook his head, a genuine and less-forced smile on his face. "Aren't you a little too young to be here?"

"Of course I am," I snorted. My hand landed on the bar, slapping the ID against it. I slid it off the end, held it up to him, before I turned to the bartender and ordered 'Mike's', in honor of my best friend who so unfortunately couldn't be here. A glass slid across the counter and I picked it up, frowning as I swirled yet another cup half-filled. I kept eye-contact with the man as I took a sip. "But that doesn't stop me."

"What are you, 14?" he asked teasingly.

"Try 19," I said, downing the rest of the liquid in only a few gulps. "But today I'm 21."

"You know," he started, one arm stretched atop a bent one, "two years isn't that long of a wait."

I rolled my eyes, hiding my smirk in the refilled glass. He reminded me of Edward, and for some reason, that made me giddy. If he were here right now, I'd get a good laugh at what he would say to get me to stop. Lately, anything that irritates Edward makes me happy, and I don't know why. "You sound like my boyfriend," I mentioned off-handedly.

"Wise man." He made a show of looking around. "I'm assuming he doesn't know of your escapades."

I laughed, imagining Edward cuffing me to a chair just to get me to not do exactly what I'm doing right now. Ever since he came back, he's acted all appalled at my 'new Bella' behavior. On one or two accounts, he's even said I'm 'out of control'. He doesn't know the half of it. Edward, and perhaps Carlisle and Esme, were the only ones to disapprove of the new habit that I liked to call 'destroying my lungs'. They still had no clue of my sudden fondness for liquid courage and I planned to keep it that way.

"No," I said, coming back to the present. Jamming my thumb over my shoulder, I added, "But his sisters do, which is a good, close second."

He laughed heartily, shaking his messy brown hair out of his eyes. He struck out a hand. "I'm George."

"Bella."

"Nice to meet you, Bella," he smiled.

"You too, George."

Suddenly, one of his friends that sat immediately to his left called his attention and he turned to her. "Aww," the woman said mockingly, and all I saw of her was a wild mane of dark curls, "Bambi took in Bambi."

George's attention was focused solely on the woman, and I sighed before sliding back to my original seat. 2005 Bella would've simply hidden in the corner of a bar, and the old me never would've even considered drinking before I turned 21. But 2006 me, the present me, what I liked to call 'post-abandonment-Bella' was new and improved. I drank, I smoked, and I skipped out on practically half of the school days, and I didn't give a shit. It would probably come back to bite me in the ass, but I really didn't care.

When Edward left, Mike didn't let me fall apart as I so wished to. Of course, neither that nor he could stop me from turning to other coping mechanisms. Charlie was never home to notice, but if he was, he probably smelt the smoke that followed me around like a dark cloud. With the drinks and the cigarettes, I became angry. Furious. Pissed. Whatever you want to call it. That's probably why I jump at any rare opportunities to hurt Edward as he had me. Weak Bella would've fainted in horror. Well, listen here, I told my past self, I have a backbone now, and if that means I have some crappy habits, who cares? Edward can't walk all over me anymore.

On that note… in my stewing anger, I saw how my relationship with Edward had been structured. He was the predator and I was the prey. And I'm not talking about his vampiric nature. I was submissive, easily controlled, and I worshipped the ground he walked on. Don't get me wrong, I love Edward, with all of my heart, but he is not my world. The last time he was my sun, the universe collapsed without him. Now he is the moon and I the earth, the both of us orbiting around something greater than ourselves. If he does not jump to the 21st century, where a woman is a man's equal, then I'd let him go. I love him but that love does not eclipse my own desires, my own free will, my own life.

So until he gave up on trying to force my every decision, I'd continue to get at him where it hurt the most. He was no longer my sun, but I was still his. I saw it in his eyes, the way he could never say no to me, and I used that to my advantage. The sparkle in his eyes faded every time he saw me pick up a bottle or the lighter. He'd have to watch his universe 'destroy' herself - as he had so kindly put it - until he stopped trying to control me.

I knew what I was doing was dangerous, and petty, and whatever, but I absolutely refused to fall to a man's whims. Especially not since that man… No. I didn't stop the thought soon enough, and a reminder of that night crashed through my brick wall.

I smiled as I felt the burn… Across the room, he smiled at me… I went outside, not knowing he was following… The ground was cold… My bare shoulder twitched as my head was slammed against the ground… The cold, humiliating, taunting darkness embraced me in its heartless clutches…

My body shivered as I quickly chugged the rest of the alcohol. The burn erased the images, blurring my thoughts. Subconsciously, my body leaned against Alice, laying my head on her shoulder. She tensed underneath me for a moment before she relaxed.

I always made a conscious effort to not touch anyone, and no one noticed except for Rosalie, which was after I told her. I guess I wasn't as smooth as I thought I was; Alice obviously didn't expect this, even with her psychic gift.

Another thing I refused to let happen was losing myself to the alcohol. I drank more than I should - especially for a teenager - but I never let myself lose control of my mind. It seems there's always a time to break your personal vows. If I spoke, my words would be slightly slurred, my movements slightly sluggish, and I knew this because my thoughts were already slightly hazy.

If I was more aware, I probably would've asked to go back to the motel. Since I wasn't, and neither Alice or Rosalie knew that I didn't want to lose myself, the spiky-haired pixie ordered us all a shot of tequila. Big girl stuff. Whoo.

I coughed, almost spitting out what I took in with one large gulp. Man, that stuff was strong. I sat somewhat straight on my stool, my palms flat on the table as I tried to center myself. I was highly disoriented, and I imagined myself trying to do something stupid - like getting up to dance - only to fall before I could take the first step. That would be so Bella of me. Even sober. Tripping this way and that way, all over the place!

My phone laid face-down ontop of my ID, sheltering it, and I picked it up. The letters were blurry but somehow I knew what I was doing. How many times had the good doctor patched me up because I stumbled or fell? The phone rang only once before I heard his smooth voice on the other end. "Bella?" He was concerned. I didn't call him much. That's sad.

"Hey, Carlisle. How many-" I only got those four words out before the phone was snatched from my hand by Rose, who had leant over Alice. She sat back in her seat and stared at the phone, deliberating, before she hung up without saying anything. She looked up, her classic glare back in place. It reminded me of a time where Rosalie hated me for no reason other than my humanity. "Are you insane?" she hissed. "What were you thinking!"

"I was thinking," I repeated, my words not as slurred as I thought they might be, "about how clumsy I am. I mean, wouldn't you," I gulped randomly, "want to know how many times I've put myself in the hospital?"

"It's amusing, but calling Carlisle to ask was stupid, and idiotic, and moronic, and-"

Rose was cut off when Alice put her hand on top of hers. "Now's not the time," she said softly. "She's clearly not thinking straight."

"Of course she isn't! She almost gave us away. Not only would Edward kill us all, but so would Carlisle. And Esme!" Rose tried to calm herself. Let's just say it did not work. "Think of your Porsche. Edward would go after our babies!"

Alice chuckled darkly. "If he went after our cars, we'd, rightfully, go after his."

"Too bad doing that would be at the cost of our own," Rose said sadly.

"Too bad," Alice agreed before she hopped off her stool, throwing my arm around her shoulder. Rose didn't need to, but for the sake of human appearances I guess, she helped me as I stumbled along.

The cool air hit me and before I went outside, I looked back at the man with the youthful face. "Bye, Georgie!" I shouted, causing him to turn. He waved and I waved back, although mine was a bit - okay, a lot - more sluggish.

As Alice and I settled in the back seat of Rose's BMW, my head on her lap, I briefly wondered how I was going to explain my obvious drunkenness to Carlisle before my eyes fluttered shut.

15 - Written: 12/11/21

Posted - 12/11/21