Lovely Arrangements

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Year 1 . Month 5

After the revelation from Cisco, Barry called up the head doctor from the partnering hospital to request the records of young Jade Stone. It wasn't normal protocol, but having the last name Allen came in handy. He reviewed the records:

Female. Nine years old. With a history of a malignant brain tumor.

Orphan, yet her medical treatment was being sponsored by an anonymous donor.

So this little girl died and that's why Caitlin had been so devastated. Interestingly enough they weren't related, and Caitlin acted as if someone extremely close had passed. Surely, her volunteer experience meant more to her than most. Getting over grief wasn't easy, in fact, there were days when the pain was as raw and strong as it was the first time. He would know.

Could there be a way to help her recover her spark?

The first thing he decided to do is to make a visit to a partnering hospital, despite Jade's treatment being sponsored, there wasn't much in her file to understand what exactly transpired.

{-}

As he got out of his vehicle he looked at the hospital before him, so similar yet so different from the one he oversaw. The entrance was similar but seemed bare and unwelcoming.

He noticed there was no one staffing the front office, that would be a problem at his branch. He shook those thoughts away, he didn't come here for that, there was a more pressing matter he had to attend to.

"Can I help you?" An older woman stepped out of a room.

"I'm looking for Dr. Stewart."

"And you are?" She asked warily. Dr. Stewart had no appointments, and she wasn't about to let a well dressed nobody to just step right in.

Barry gave her a pointed look, "Barry Allen."

The woman opened her eyes wide, instantly recognizing the name, "A-A-Allen, right away sir, I'll let Dr. Stewart know you're here."

"I can find him, where is he?"

With a phone in hand the woman answered, "Fifth floor, lab."

And that was all Barry needed to know. No more pleasantries needed to be exchanged.

{-}

John Stewart was a kind hearted man that was very dedicated to his job, his biggest flaw was taking things too personal, as they related to his patients. Yet, the best he could do was to try his best for those that were still here.

"Dr. Stewart?"

He heard a voice call him and turned around from his white board, "Yes, that's me," he said as he carefully regarded the man in a pristine suit that stood by the door.

"My name is Barry Allen and I have a few questions for you," his tone was formal but demanding as if there was no more room for argument.

He raised an inquisitive eyebrow but invited Allen in. Instantly, his brain started to connect the dots. The last name Allen was well known, and while he'd never seen Barry Allen before he had a good idea on who this man was. "And what are those questions," it wasn't every day that the son of the chairman would barge into his office and demand answers.

"Jade Stone, does that name mean something to you?"

He opened his eyes wide, and felt a flash as pain squeezed at his insides. His demeanor deflated and a deep frown made its way to his face, "You knew Jade?"

"So you remember her," Barry took note of that and continued, "how and why did she die? Your reports indicated she was getting better with treatment but her condition worsened in the span of days, ultimately resulting in her death,"

"I...I honestly am not sure myself," he said, a little caught off guard by the sudden question. In his short time treating the girl, Barry Allen, or any Allen for that matter, had never registered.

"As her treating physician, you're not sure?" Barry raised a bold and questioning eyebrow. How was it that her primary doctor was incapable of understanding his patient's sudden demise?

Dr. Stewart's eyebrows knitted in slight anger at the accusation, "Hold it, I don't care who you are, but to come and accuse me of this sort of negligence, is uncalled for."

Barry regarded the doctor warily, but he needed answers, and it was best he played nice if he wanted them, "Fair enough, what do you know?"

That was slightly better, Stewart supposed. He decided to explain some of the oddities he had observed in both Jade's and Marcos' treatments. For one, he was the second doctor to treat the children, and wasn't provided much information once he became their primary doctor. Yet nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The records detailed their treatment, the frequency, and their reaction to every treatment. Oddly enough it seemed everything was on the path of a positive outcome, and suddenly everything changed. By the time he was called in because the poor girl was entering cardiac arrest it was already too late.

Everything checked out from what Barry was hearing, and while casualties were expected in the medical field, the fact remained that Jade Stone's death was unorthodox.

"Her death was devastating. If you knew her, that girl had a spark like no other, and despite her condition, she could inject happiness into anyone, perhaps that's why Caitlin saw her as a little sister," the last bit he said as an afterthought.

"How did Caitlin meet the girl?"

"Caitlin is one of our volunteers, perhaps the longest that has stayed with us, and unpaid. She's heaven sent," the doctor said fondly. "She came to the hospital with her class, and I was giving a tour of the hospital. Jade and Marcos, her roommate, stepped outside of their room and ran into the student group. Both were running away from Granny, one of our receptionists, she's the complete opposite of what you would think of a grandmother. Anyway, the children caught up to the class and asked for help to hide from Granny. The students ignored them, but Caitlin excused herself and hid with the kids," the doctor let out a fond smile. Some people were really born with the desire to help others.

That certainly sounded like something Caitlin would do.

"And the rest is history as they say, she's been coming every week ever since. Perhaps Jade's loss hit her the hardest," the doctor said pensively. "I haven't seen her shed a tear, but I'm sure she's keeping a strong front for little Marcos."

"Where is Marcos?"

{-}

"This is Marcos' room, he's wary of strangers and can get aggressive," Stewart warned him.

Barry nodded, but stepped in without fear, what could a six year old do to him anyway?

From under the bed a small head popped up and looked at Barry with distrust. Barry took notice and knelt down to be closer to eye level.

"Marcos?"

The little boy frowned but nodded ever so slightly.

"My name is Barry, nice to meet you," Barry offered his hand.

Meanwhile, Marcos' frown deepened, he's heard that name before, and he didn't like it. Without remorse he got his T-Rex figurine and threw it at the intruder.

A memorable meeting indeed.

{-}

It was another day and it seemed like the pain didn't get any better, or perhaps her coping mechanism of avoidance just wasn't working. She was tired, oh so tired, but she had to be strong, she needed to be strong. Yet sometimes, strength wasn't enough.

Today she actually came back earlier than usual, and she definitely was not expecting for her husband to be standing in the kitchen with a frozen peas packet resting on his right eye.

"You're either warming up peas for dinner, or got into a fight," she said as she dropped everything on the table and rushed to Barry's side.

He rolled his one eye, "Neither."

"Let me guess, a disgruntled employee that finally got some payback?"

Whether she was joking or not was hard for him to tell. "Not quite."

She slowly removed the frozen bag away from him, "Well it doesn't look too bad."

"Somehow that doesn't sound reassuring."

She led him to the living room and had him sit on the couch while she searched for the first aid kit. When she came back, Barry was walking towards his room.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"My room."

"Barry your eye is swollen, you look like you got punched in the face," she motioned for him to return to the couch.

"It's not a big deal Caitlin," just a super embarrassing one. He wasn't expecting her home this early. The one day he would have actually preferred she stay late at work…and here she was.

She sighed, "Can you let me do this?"

He looked at her with his good eye, and there was something that left no room for argument. She really needed to do this, to care for someone, to feel like she made a difference. He could understand that feeling.

Without another word he just walked over and sat on the couch right in front of her.

As she treated his injury he couldn't help but notice how good it felt being taken care of. He'd been alone for so long, that he was used to just looking after himself. Now that she was here, it was different...but not entirely unpleasant.

In fact, if he was truly honest, it felt warm, welcoming, and nice to know there was someone that he could rely on. Sure Caitlin's cooking wasn't the best, and yes she was a bit (read: very) nosy, but he wasn't blind to her good qualities either. She was caring and insightful. A great listener, and someone that tried her best to help. She wasn't easily put off by his blunt personality. In fact, he was frankly surprised at how well they got along, all things considered.

Barry wasn't as dense and uncaring as people thought. He just led his life by following logic and not emotion. Emotions could betray you, logic didn't —at least not on purpose.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked as she finished up.

Tell her he was hit in the face by a T-Rex figurine a six year old threw at him? Yeah right.

"Not really,"

She sighed, clearly not surprised at the response. "You really should be careful about how you treat people," she mentioned as she put away the items in the first aid kit, "Cisco says you're not very tactful when you speak to others," and she could attest to that.

So now he was the problem? Well, she wasn't entirely wrong, but that's beside the point.

"What about you?"

She looked at him a bit surprised, "What about me?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She turned away from him, "Not really."

Fair enough. "Caitlin, I'm not one to invade people's space —-"

"Then don't," she said, visibly annoyed.

Barry wasn't fazed in the slightest. "I think you should talk about this. You've been holding on to that grief for almost a month and it's not doing you any good,"

"And you of all people care about how I feel? Really? Because you were pretty clear about what your expectations were the moment I signed that agreement," the anger was getting the best of her.

"Look, all I'm saying is that you need to let it out, one way or another," he said rationally.

That only seemed to anger her more, "What, do you also have a degree in psychology?"

"No, but—"

"Just stop," she held her hand up. "I don't want to talk about it, and I definitely don't want to talk about it with you."

That stung for reasons unknown to him. "Fine, then don't talk to me about it," he stood up and tried to approach her, but she stepped back for every step he took forward, "just talk to someone."

He could see her lower lip tremble as she stormed away to her room.

He looked in her direction and let out a tired sigh. She was right, he lacked any form of tactful communication. Under other circumstances it wouldn't bother him, but she wasn't a face he would see once and then forget. They would be seeing a lot of each other for many months to come, and he knew this wasn't the real Caitlin.

This woman was holding on to grief that was consuming her without her realizing. And if his conversation with Stewart was any indication, she also carried a lot of guilt over young Jade's passing.

{-}

She hated this feeling, the anger, the helplessness, and most of all she hated herself.

Jade had been a shining light in her life, and now that she was gone, Caitlin wasn't sure she could look after little Marcos anymore. For how long could she say that Jade was on a trip, and expect him to believe her?

She sat on the floor and brought her knees to her chest. Barry was right, she needed to let the grief and the guilt out, but...who could she turn to? She had no friends, no family...she had no one.

Well that wasn't true, she did have a husband. Yet, her and Barry's relationship was strange to say the least. Who was she to burden him with her problems? He had enough things to worry about. The least she could do is stay out of his way.

Speaking of Barry, she should probably apologize to him. He just wanted to be helpful, show kindness and concern, almost in a way a true friend would.

She let out a heavy sigh that fused with a hiccup from tears she didn't even notice. "Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll do it." She told herself.

Tomorrow would be an opportunity to mend this whole mess. It had been a month and obviously ignoring the problem wasn't the solution.

{-}

Tomorrow came a lot sooner than what Caitlin would have liked.

She woke up resolute to turn the page. Not forgetting the little girl that infused energy and positivism in her life, but working towards changing those negative feelings into passion for things that mattered. Never forgetting that she was living a life that Jade didn't have the opportunity to experience.

She stepped tentatively outside of her room. If Barry was upset, he had every right to lash out at her for her behavior last night. For better or worse, the man was nowhere in sight. What did she expect? For him to forgive and forget? Or, perhaps she was giving this whole issue more importance than what she should?

Thinking about it rationally, Barry had more pressing items than handling a moody roommate. Besides, he was usually reserved and independent, so perhaps he did forget about this whole thing altogether and there was no use worrying about the issue?

She shook her head. That still didn't exempt her from apologizing.

Caitlin got her bag and keys and headed out the door. The next time she saw the doctor she would apologize for her outburst. Now she needed to make things right with her little guy.

{-}

Marcos didn't want to eat. Hospital food was yucky. He missed his friend, and Caity was sad a lot when she came over to visit. He frowned, it was probably Barry's fault. He was making Caity sad, and that's why he hit him.

He would protect Caity for as long as he could.

"Marcos you should eat," his doctor friend told him with a smile.

Marco knew better, "You first."

"But it's your food."

"It's yucky."

"It can't be that bad."

The little boy gave his doctor a daring look, "You first."

Dr. Stewart caved and got a spoonful of what looked like meat loaf. In between bites he said, "Wow, this is delicious," even though he was chewing the meat for a lot longer than necessary.

The boy was still skeptical, but didn't say anything else and just turned away, there was no way he was eating that thing.

"Pizza delivery," the familiar voice came in from the door.

The doctor looked at the woman with gratitude and inconspicuously brought a napkin to his mouth to spit out the mysterious meat loaf.

"Caity!" Marcos practically jumped off his bed to go greet her.

"Hey there," the woman said fondly, "how's my favorite guy doing?"

"I missed you yesterday."

Caitlin gave him an apologetic smile, "Sorry, I couldn't come," she set the pizza and plates on a nearby table, "but I know today is meat loaf day so I brought you pizza instead," she winked.

"Thank you! Dr. Stewie wanted me to eat it, but I don't like it."

"I don't know anybody that does," she said under her breath.

"But he likes it," the boy said as he pointed to Dr. Stewart, "you can have it Dr. Stewie."

"How kind," the doctor said unenthusiastically.

"Yeah, meat loaf day is the worst," Caitlin said with sympathy, "at least the lime jelly is salvageable."

"I'm good."

"Took a taste of the meatloaf, huh?" She knew that little trick all too well. "You'll live sir."

"I'll take your word for it," he played along, "I see you're in better spirits today Caitlin, I'm glad," he said sincerely.

Caitlin lowered her head a bit and then turned to the doctor, "I'm trying."

"Either way I'm happy to see that. She would have wanted you to stay strong, for yourself and him," they both looked at Marcos who was devouring his pizza happily while watching some cartoons.

"She would."

The doctor took his leave after one last glance at his favorite volunteer and patient. Caitlin was taking a step in the right direction, and he was certain that Allen's visit yesterday had something to do with that. How did those two know each other, he wondered.

{~}

Today was certainly going much better than she anticipated. Her morning shift at Jitters went without a hitch, her afternoon with Marcos was uplifting, and while she didn't address Jade's absence —one step at a time— she saw him be more lively and happy than she's seen him in the last month.

Now she only needed to end the day on a high note. Or a good note at least. Time to face Barry.

And lo and behold her husband was in the living room reading a book.

Well that didn't take long at all.

He didn't even acknowledge her and continued reading. Caitlin cringed, he must still be upset over yesterday. Well it was now or never.

"Uhm," she started. "Uhm, Barry."

After a few seconds of silence, he closed his book "Caitlin."

Ok, ok, she could do this, "About yesterday…"

He slowly turned to her waiting for her to continue.

"Uhm, about yesterday, I…"

He stood up and took a few steps forward. Caitlin held her breath as he stepped closer, but he passed by her and headed to the kitchen.

He's angry, was her first thought.

"Are you hungry?" He asked in that calm tone she knew well.

She turned around immediately, and there was her husband in all his glory holding a plate full of pancakes.

"I made these a few minutes ago, they are still warm."

Her eyes immediately stung. Why was he like this? One moment he was as cold as the Arctic tundra, and others he was like this. A warm and soothing presence in her life. She didn't realize she was crying until Barry suddenly was in front of her gently wiping away some tears.

"I...I...I'm —"

"You don't have to say anything," he said softly, as if he truly understood what she felt, and in many ways even without her knowing, he did.

"But…"

In an uncharacteristic display, Barry enveloped her in a firm hug and rested his head on top of hers, "I'm here."

As if those words were magic, she dropped everything and returned his hug with strength, letting the tears fall. This scene was so similar to the one she lived a month ago, in that same spot, with this same man.

Yet this time it was so different, this time she didn't hold on to him for dear life, whether he wanted to or not. This time he gave her a shoulder to cry on, to rely on, a true support. It was at this moment that Caitlin finally saw Barry as a friend.

{-}

"I still want to apologize," she said with her head low, "What I said and how I reacted yesterday was —"

"Normal," Barry interjected, "Caitlin, you don't have to apologize."

"I do!" She insisted, "Barry I'm always the one saying we need to treat each other well, care for one another, at the very least during the time we live together. And when it came down to it, I...I pushed you away," she said softly at the end.

"It's fine, anger is a normal reaction while grieving," he said logically.

Caitlin resisted the urge to roll her eyes, "I know, I know it's a normal reaction, but," she stopped herself and closed her eyes. After taking a deep breath she continued, "you know what? Forget the apology,"

She linked an arm with his and rested her head on his shoulder, "I'll just say thank you,"

After all, Barry listened attentively to her, to everything she had to say regarding her loss, the guilt, and the sense that she had failed a loved one. He didn't judge her, told her she was overreacting, or diminished her feelings. Rather, Barry was empathetic, and she felt like he truly understood what she was going through. He finally saw her as a human and not some employee, or annoying presence.

Meanwhile Barry allowed himself to relax around Caitlin. He wasn't much into these displays. In fact, contact from people he wasn't particularly fond of made him anxious and it was unpleasant. With Caitlin it wasn't the case. Oddly enough, it never had been. He didn't feel like he was doing much, and yet Caitlin saw him like he was some sort of hero just because he was lending her his shoulder to cry on —both literally and metaphorically.

He even dared to say, "I guess the pancakes were that good."

She laughed, for the first time in a long time. He in turn smiled sincerely as he looked at her expressive face.

{x}