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Year 1 Month 11~12

"You ready for finals?" Wally asked as he continued to fix a machine from the pediatrics ward.

Caitlin wasn't paying much attention and continued organizing engineering project files.

Wally looked at Jax and they both shrugged, being clueless as to why she was spacing out.

"Hey Caitlin, I brought a box of orange cranberry muffins," one of her favorite treats, and she didn't even acknowledge the men.

"Oh my God, is that a cockroach!?" Wally said, scandalized.

"What!? Who!? Where!?" She jumped on the table with clear horror on her face.

Both men laughed.

"That's what you get for ignoring us," Jax teased.

"Ditto," Wally agreed, stepping away from the machine and coming closer to the group. "What's gotten into you? Is everything alright?"

Even though Caitlin was married to the ogre CEO of the hospital, and boss of his beloved Jessie, she was nothing like him in terms of personality. She was easy to get along with, funny, and caring. Yet these days, she's been spacing out, full-blown ignoring the people and things around her. While Barry was moodier and meaner than usual if Jessie's griping after work was anything to go by.

"Yeah woman, spill."

She hesitated for a second but figured that they could provide some guidance as members of the male population. A different perspective wouldn't hurt.

"How do men resolve conflict?"

Jax and Wally shared a look and a shrug.

"We talk it out?" Wally said tentatively.

Jax disapproved and gave him a weird look, "Men aren't that emotional," Wally rolled his eyes, "sometimes it's physical. Punches and kicks."

"Men aren't that barbaric," Wally stepped in. "You solve nothing with violence," he said wisely.

Now it was Jax's turn to roll his eyes, "I feel like I'm hearing Jessie."

"A wonderful woman she is."

"Yeah, yeah Romeo."

Wally gave Jax a playful punch, "Anyway. It's usually a combination of both. We talk it out, but not how you girls do it."

"Just straight to the point," Jax added and Wally nodded.

"And every now and then there's some punching and kicking," Wally conceded.

{-}

It was late evening that day. Wally and Jax were long gone. In fact, everyone outside of critical medical staff and the patients was gone. She headed to the CEO's office and was so glad that Barry didn't make Jessie put in overtime.

She looked at his office and there was a faint light coming from it. As she expected he was there, practically living in the hospital to avoid her. Or rather, to avoid the conversation they needed to have.

She walked slowly but firmly towards his office and peeked in to see him engrossed with some documents on his desk. He looked like he had to solve all the problems in the world, and the stress was weighing him down. Despite that, it seemed like he could solve them all, but at what cost?

"Hi," she whispered.

He looked up, barely acknowledged her, and went back to his papers, "Do you need something?"

She stepped in and closed the door behind her. "I was wondering if you and I could go back home together."

"We haven't gone back together in days, why would we do that today?" He said as a matter of fact.

"Maybe because it's Friday, you've been here for over twelve hours, and it's time to go home."

He set the papers aside and got up heading for the coat hanger near the door.

Had she gotten through to him?

"I would think that as an engineer intern you would have enough money for a taxi," he was looking for his wallet, "I guess I was wrong."

She couldn't believe him. She refrained from scoffing, as she understood this was nothing more than a defense mechanism. "Really Barry?"

He pulled out a one hundred dollar bill.

"You're funny," she said with a light laugh and waved the money off, "didn't know you were moonlighting as a comedian in your spare time."

He sighed, "Just leave Caitlin, I don't want to have this discussion," was it that hard for her to understand? Everything was going fine, even better than fine, and she went ahead and broke that peace.

"I'm sorry Barry, but I think we should."

He looked at her pleading eyes. She was concerned for him. She worried about him. She cared. And that knowledge made him uncomfortable, angry, scared...

"I don't need to speak to you about it, now do I?" He challenged.

She walked one step closer and grabbed his arm, "Barry, you haven't spoken to anyone in the last eleven years."

He instantly yanked his arm away. "How do you…" that old man, it had to be him. "I see your meeting with my father," he said with disdain. "Hadn't we established you wouldn't meddle in my affairs, or should the clause be added in our contract?"

Barry was good with words. So much so, that they stung. Real bad. Even then she wouldn't be deterred.

"He cares about you."

"I don't want to hear it!" Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone? Why couldn't she leave him alone? This was his life. These were his problems.

She pressed on, "Barry your dad loves you," he was furious, "and Nora —-"

"Caitlin, just shut up!" He didn't want to deal with this. Not now. Not ever.

It seemed like he moved at super speed. One moment he was a few feet away, the next he was right in front grabbing her by her shoulders, hard but not enough to hurt her. He lowered his head just enough that his bangs covered his eyes.

"Don't say her name," he whispered dangerously.

Caitlin gulped, "Your mom loved you," she amended.

"I said," he stressed with every fiber of his being, "I don't want to have this conversation," holding himself back was getting increasingly harder by the second. He instinctively pressed on her shoulders.

Just remembering those days. Her mother was in pain, and he was living college life to its fullest. What type of son was he? While he was learning, living, and partying, his mother was fighting for her life, suffering, and yet offering him the most brilliant smile whenever she saw him.

"Barry," she said calmly, "you and I both know, this needs to happen. You helped me when Jade passed," she reasoned, "and I want to help you."

It was ironic but true. He understood what she was going through, the pain, the loss, the anger. However, this was completely different, and Caitlin needed to stay away. He wasn't sure what he would do if she didn't.

"I don't need nor want your help," he said venomously.

"Well tough luck buddy, because I'm here, and I'm going to be here for a while,"

He hated that she was so stubborn. Now more than ever. "You think because we kissed once, we're friends now? Or something more than that?" He mocked.

She resisted the urge to cringe. She did in fact consider him a friend if nothing else.

"I know the real reason why you're so angry," she said softly. "It's not because you hate your dad or your mom for that matter…"

He inadvertently squeezed her shoulders a bit harder, "Stop,"

"It's because —"

"Stop!" He shouted. He shut his eyes hard. If it weren't because he was grabbing her we would have blocked his ears as well. Did she know? Did she understand what he was feeling?

"It's because you feel guilty!" She answered just as loud.

She knew. She knew! His eyes opened wide and he turned up to face her and confront that reality that he guarded for so long. The intensity of his gaze didn't leave her, but somehow that boiling anger he had seconds ago —vanished. He could see it reflected in her warm hazel eyes...

"You feel guilty because you weren't there with her," she continued but her eyes were understanding and kind, "because she was suffering alone, and you weren't there to console her," her words weren't condemning him, far from it. Caitlin understood, maybe better than most, why he behaved that way. "You wish you could go back in time and be her strength in those difficult moments, but that's not a possibility."

He released her slowly and looked up at the ceiling, releasing a defeated sigh. It was painful. A painful realization. Yet, he also felt lighter, like he wasn't alone anymore. Like someone had offered him a helping hand to pull him away from the darkness.

"And if you want to hit me to make you feel better, then —"

"That's stupid," he cut her off. What a silly woman. "Whoever hits a woman is a scumbag and a coward."

She smiled at him, that was the Barry she knew. Rough around the edges but with a soft spot.

He turned away from her, a few errant tears had escaped him, and he didn't want her to see him this way.

"You're right Caitlin," he said carefully, "I feel guilty and angry, and I hate myself for not being there," he admitted. He was also angry at his father, and while he hated to admit it, he was also angry with his mother. Angry because he should have been there and he wasn't. Angry because the man he considered his hero couldn't save the person he cared most for. Angry because he was living a lie when he came to visit. How many times had his mother been suffering while laughing at a lousy college anecdote? But he didn't hate them. How could he? When he also knew that they kept that information away from him to allow him to chase his dreams.

"You don't have to Barry," she said from behind, "your mom wouldn't have wanted that," she heard him scoff faintly, "and I'm sure your dad doesn't want that either."

"I should have been there," he fisted his hands so hard that Caitlin could see him shaking, "I should have been with her every step of the way, on the good and bad days…"

He froze when he felt Caitlin's arms embrace him from behind. There was so much he could bear, and he was losing the battle quickly. It was like she knew, not just what he was truly feeling, but that he needed someone.

Not just someone. He needed her.

Maybe it was his weakness speaking. It didn't matter. All he knew was that he was grateful to have met her, to have her in his life...to have her here.

"It's okay," she reassured, "I'm sure your mom was happy that you pursued your dreams, and she would be proud of you if she were here," she rested her head on his back. Trying to give him the strength to face his demons. Strength to surpass this obstacle. Strength to move forward.

Her warmth enveloped him in such a way that it took all of his might to not break down right then and there. He slowly turned around to face his wife once again.

She felt him move and her immediate thought was that he was going to push her away. After all, the man couldn't stress enough how much he valued personal space. So she slowly pulled away.

They remained in comfortable silence for a few seconds. He looked at her in such a way that it squeezed her heart. His eyes were soft, gentle, and vulnerable. Like she was seeing a whole different side of him.

"Barry?"

He couldn't let go of her warmth this soon. He simply couldn't. He would be selfish once more and take from her all that kindness she offered. Why should he object, when she was giving him exactly what he wanted for the longest time?

Before she had a chance to react he pulled her into a strong embrace.

The pain would always be there.

He didn't have to face it alone. Not anymore.

She was momentarily surprised by his reaction. In fact, she was expecting him to push her away. Yet...he didn't. After the shock wore off, she raised her arms and hugged him with all the strength she could summon. She was here for him, for as long as he needed her.

He wouldn't be alone. Not anymore.

For a long time, he held onto her in silence, feeling her soft and reassuring caress on his back, giving him the strength to stand. Even though he was the one hugging her tightly, this time around it wasn't him providing the comfort. It felt...weird...but in the best possible way. He felt vulnerable, exposed, yet somehow strengthened. He felt as if truly there was someone he could lean on and who would help him face all the challenges of the world together. He didn't have to take on all of the burdens of the world on his own. He could rely on her. And that meant a whole lot more than he cared to admit.

Thank you.

{-}

That night as they walked inside their home Caitlin took her coat off and turned to her husband with curious eyes.

After the eventful evening they've had, he wondered what else needed to be said.

"I need to clarify something with you," she said seriously as they both walked towards the middle of the hallway.

He gave her a tired look but waited for her to continue.

"We're friends right?" She said tentatively. The declaration he made earlier could've been out of anger, but she wanted to be sure. After all, it's not like he has ever admitted to it.

That was her question? Ha! Naive woman.

He smirked faintly and turned towards his room, "Goodnight Caitlin."

"Is that a yes!?" She asked from the other side of the hallway.

As he closed the door of his room behind him. The taunting smirk he gave Caitlin earlier, turned into a grateful smile.

Friends...

{x}

This one was a hard one to write. It was difficult to try to get into Barry's mind, but I hope you liked it.

This Monday has been a crazy ride, so if I'm able to brighten at least one person's day, I'll be satisfied.

Very special thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this story, and much love to those that leave feedback: Rosewelllostcause, and John Robinson...I'm looking at you 3