CHAPTER 49
"I'm just about to head out for the evening." Harrison said after she'd waved him in. "Just checking in to see if there's anything that you needed before I go."
Olivia started to shake her head, then her gut changed her mind. "Is there anything you can tell me about Huck and the way he's acting?"
Harrison quirked a smile at her. "Are you seriously asking me about Huck acting strange?"
Olivia returned his smile with one of her own. "Okay, how about strange in a new way?"
"In a new way? Yes, and I know why." Harrison grinned at her. "Well, for one thing - because you're glowing."
"I'm - what?"
"You are glowing."
Olivia felt the blood rushing to her face. Was her happiness so apparent? "Glowing?"
"Glowing." Harrison said. "And don't worry - it looks good on you."
He didn't give her a chance to protest. "Even better, you look rested - and that's the opposite of how you looked the last time that Huck and I saw you."
Harrison's smile dimmed, just a little. "I think it's safe to say that Huck blames himself for not picking up on what was going on with you - and not pushing when you told us you were okay."
"We both knew you weren't okay, but we let you go anyway." His expression shifted a little and Olivia saw a flicker of guilt in his eyes. "We shouldn't have done that."
It was her turn to feel guilty and Olivia felt the emotion flood through her with a sharp pain. "Harrison - I should apologize to the both of you - I didn't tell either of you the truth -"
Harrison didn't let her finish. "No." He shook his head, even as he smiled at her. "Don't you even start getting down on yourself over that. It's not in you to look for help - from anyone. Everyone looks to you, that's what you're used to and what we're used to and we all know it."
What could she say to that, especially when it was one hundred percent true?
"I'll try to do better in the future." She said at last.
"Isn't that all any of us can do?" Harrison gave a reassuring smile gestured at the door behind him. "And don't you worry too much about Huck; I don't pretend to know everything that goes on in his head, but I do know that your feeling guilt over something pretty much out of your control is the last thing that Huck would want."
"What about you?" Olivia asked; she took a deep breath. "I didn't tell you the truth either and that makes me feel like I let you down somehow."
"What about me?" Harrison deliberately tried to joke to lighten the mood, but seeing the look in her eyes, he took a serious tone. "That's the last thing I want too - and no, you didn't let me down. Don't worry about any of us, Liv - not about that. Not when we can see that you took care of you, whatever it was that you needed."
She knew that there was truth in what Harrison was saying, but it was a hard truth, one that made it a little hard to meet his eyes.
Harrison read her expression. "I said not to worry about it - you took some much needed time for you and that's all that matters. We know you're good for real this time."
"You do?" Inside, Olivia found herself thanking him for his mostly unspoken support silently. Yes, the two of them have discussed Fitz before, but even so…
Harrison's next words startled her again. "We do." He said. "Didn't I just tell you that you were glowing - I meant it."
In spite of what she'd just told herself, his words sent heat crawling into her face. It's Harrison, she reminded herself. It's Harrison and he already knows and it's okay that he knows.
It's more than okay.
Old habits might be hard to break, but she's trying. In response, the heat in her face dissipated a little, her nerves settled a little, and this time she accepted the warmth spreading throughout her entire body and it felt… good.
Harrison caught the tiny smile that came to her face at that realization and his words went straight to the point. "We're both on the same page, so I'm just going to say it. Liv, you've got a man that's so good to you - so good for you - that he leaves you glowing."
He deliberately lightened the mood with a laugh, holding up a hand to stop her protests before they begin. "I know you're probably not feeling this one hundred percent in the moment-" because after all, he does know her so well. " - but this is a good thing, Liv."
"Are you sure about that?" Olivia knew that Harrison was right. Old habits - she scolded herself again.
"It's a very good thing." Harrison insisted. "Nobody is asking you to put your personal life on blast - I know you too well to know that this is the last thing you'd want, but just let me say that there are people who go through their entire lives looking for something that comes even fractionally close to what you have right now and don't you let anything or anyone tell you different. Trust us - we will keep you safe for as long as you need until you and the President are ready to go public."
"He'd go public today, if I let him." Olivia admitted. "He'd shout it from the steps of the Capitol…"
"Because he loves you."
"Because he loves me." She couldn't help herself, saying the words out loud made her smile. "But I can't let him do that. He has his re-election to deal with."
"He doesn't want to wait, does he?"
"No, Fitz doesn't want to wait." Whether it was wise or not,Olivia felt her heart soar as her memories of Fitz and the many ways that he's declared that love flooded her senses. He loves her and it's not that she doesn't know it, it's not that she doesn't love him - but she's not ready to share their love with the world. Not yet. She's never had the words for what she's feeling before, it's still hard to face them, let alone put them into words, but now she knows this much - if their love is exposed to the world too soon, it's like the opening of a chrysalis. If a butterfly is not allowed to find its own way, then it's stunted, weakened.
It doesn't survive.
In that moment, Olivia realizes that she very much wants what the two of them have found to survive. And she'll do anything she can to make that happen.
She looked up and saw Harrison watching her; his eyes were warm, accepting and approving.
"We'll do whatever it takes for as long as it takes for you to get wherever it is you need to be." Harrison knew something about her inner struggles; how her innermost self was always reluctant to talk about her private life. She'd been that way since the day he'd met her. But he could see with his own eyes, that something fundamental had shifted in her. He may not understand it all, but whatever it was, it was enough to make her happy and that was enough to make him happy.
He shook his head again and deliberately changed the subject. "Give me my marching orders for this trip - I'm good with whatever you need for me to be - whatever you need me to do."
One last look was enough to spell it out, better than any conversation could. Olivia knew what he was offering and why. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the press would run with the smallest hint of any romantic possibilities with her name on it - she was notorious for not talking about her private life - ever - and Harrison was talking about putting his personal life on blast to protect hers.
"Harrison, you don't have to do that -"
"No, I don't. But I want to." He told her. "Olivia Pope, let me do what I do best. You know that I can out-talk anybody so let me handle this."
"Are you sure?" she asked him. Was he really ready for that level of scrutiny in his life?
"Doesn't matter." Harrison actually chuckled before he laid out his plan. "You want to know why? One - I'm a target anyway - everyone at OPA is, because we work for the brilliant Olivia Pope. Right now, that attention is on the down-low and behind the scenes - but who knows how long that's going to last once this campaign really gets going. I also know that I'll be more of a target once the two of us show our faces at the Caldwells. It's not going to make a difference whether I step out at your side as an assistant - or possibly something more - to anyone looking to find a weakness in either you or OPA."
"Two -" he continued. " As far as any investigation into my life is concerned, we can have Huck work his magic so that no one can find whatever it is that we decide doesn't need to be known. We can twist this so my playboy ways appear to be just possibly a cover…"
A definitely mischievous light sparked into life in his eyes. "Now that I think about it, maybe we should come up with some deliberate acts of mis-direction that might come in as useful later. A few preemptive strikes might come in handy."
Olivia couldn't argue with his logic. "You've been spending too much time around Huck."
"Nah, I'd blame Abby, she actually has more devious -and deviant - tendencies." It was clear from the cocky grin that bloomed on his face that Harrison recognized her surrender to his plan. "This is the perfect assignment for me. It's counter-intelligence and a chance to play a certain man of mystery all in one. There's no way you can't deny that I'm looking forward to this."
He was right, of course. It was the perfect assignment for him - and beyond that, the possible benefits could turn out to be beyond measure. There was no way she could logically deny an opportunity like this - and he knew it.
"Fine - you win, Harrison." In spite of the craziness that he was suggesting, a tiny smile crept across her face as she finally gave in. "We'll hammer out the details on the way down."
"Outstanding." Harrison said with a great deal of satisfaction. "This has the potential to be so much fun."
Going by the gleam in his eyes and the grin on his lips, the more Harrison thought about his idea, the more he liked it.
"You think?"
"I know."