It was simple enough meeting somewhere neutral like the park, she was carrying the small child in her arms, she didnt like to use the pram as it wasnt exactly made for kids her age so Jac was left carrying her. They were sitting on the bench and Jac put a hat on top of her daughter's head, Fletch came along a short while after and they all decided to go to the park. It was sweet watching him push his daughter on the swings, it filled her with a warmth she didnt think she needed, a given boost for her, she liked it in more ways than one. He was a good dad, she had no doubt about that, everyone always told her that but she kept her thoughts internalised. Eloise loved him, that was obvious and they had only seen each other from today so Jac would push for this for her own daughter's happiness because thats all that mattered.
"Mummy!" Eloise beams as Jac walks over to her, Fletch was pushing her gently on the swing "Higher!"
"No sweetheart, I dont want you to be sick" Jac whispers, Eloise sighs in annoyance and gets off the swing to run off and play on something else whilst Jac and Fletch just stood there awkwardly "I dont want us to be awkward in front of her-"
"Thats kind of hard considering what's happened" he counters, she closes her eyes and nods slowly "Look...Jac, I want to be involved ok so I'm going to tell the kids tonight"
"Okay, thats fine," she says, she knew he couldnt really keep it from them "If you think its best then you do that"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah" Jac confirms as Eloise comes over, she passes her a drink "Remember to take it easy, we dont want a repeat of what happened last time"
"Okay mummy!" she beams and runs off causing a small sigh from Jac, Fletch smiles at her sympathetically
"What happened last time?"
"Over exerted herself trying to be like a normal kid, ended up in hospital as a result" Jac shakes her head "I just want her to have a normal life...when I know she cant"
"She'll get that normal life back"
"Easier said than achieved" she shakes her head "Three times she's relapsed, granted the first time wasnt really a relapse as such but...when is enough...well enough"
"You look tired"
"Wouldnt you be?" she looks at him before realising she kind of made a dig "Sorry, that was..."
"You're stressed, it's understandable" he smiles slightly, she offers a small smile as well "Why did you tell her about me?"
"You're her dad, I knew one day I would have to come home" she shrugs, "I'd have to introduce her to you, she asked about you so...I felt the need to put her mind straight in case the worst happened"
"Is this time worse than before?"
"Every new time is worse than the last, maybe it's not medically but for your own sanity it is"
"You should have told me"
"We can't change the past Fletch" Jac whispers before glancing at her daughter "I just want her to be happy in herself, she's not, not really, you see her like this and she looks like any other child but really she's frail, she sleeps the majority of the day and you witness her little body failing in front of your eyes and you know there is very little you can do about it"
"There has to be something though?"
"There is but...I'm not going to put anyone through anything to cure her" Jac shakes her head, he frowns "I dont even want to go down that route because it's not fair"
"If there's something that can help her then we have to look into it surely?"
"Would you want your kids going through a stem cell transplant?" she looks at him, he gulps and drops his gaze "Thought not"
"There has to be another way though"
"I had Emma tested, she wasnt a match but then I thought about it and I was like there is no way I am letting her have that memory if she was a match" Jac continues to watch her daughter, she smiles as she comes over to her and takes another drink "Are you having fun sweetheart?"
"Yeah" she smiles before skipping off again causing Fletch to chuckle, he places his hand on top of Jac's
"So what are you going to do?"
"I dont know" she shakes her head "Continue chemotherapy, go around in the endless circle until we get to the point where her body can't take it anymore. She is so small Fletch, she is so little and I hate seeing her like this but it's our reality, you just have to swallow the emotion down and get on with it because really what else can you do?"
"Let me help, I want to help, I know I dont really have a relationship with her as such but she's my daughter, let me help"
"I'm giving you a choice, this is hard Fletch-"
"You dont think I'm cut out for it"
"It's not that" she shakes her head "I need to know you're going to be there every step of the way even if the worse happens"
"I'm going to be there every step of the way, you dont need to worry about that. We're going to get through this, together"
She was thankful for his words even if she was hesitant over his motives. They spent some more time at the park and Jac suggested that Fletch come back to the hotel room as Eloise insisted that he read her favourite book to her and Jac knew she would never hear the end of it if she said no. They headed back and she smiled at Fletch and Eloise tucked up in bed together reading her book, he was much better at it than her with making up voices for all the characters causing her daughter to laugh. Jac had done the right thing, she knew that. When Eloise eventually fell asleep, she smiled as Fletch eventually took his drink causing her to chuckle and sit on the edge of the sofa.
"Do you have a laptop?" he smiles, she frowns and points to it on the side so he takes it and sits on the bed with her
"What are you doing?"
"Researching" he smirks, she rolls her eyes knowing that was a recipe for disaster "Look I know you said you tried everything but we could go abroad and do something along those lines, trials if needed...we need to keep an open mind in case the treatments here dont work"
"I dont know if thats what's best Fletch, she's exhausted from life in general, I'd like to stay put if at all possible now"
"Well if we put our medical heads together then we might find something" he smiles, she sighs and looks at him before rolling her eyes "I'll do it at home, we dont have to do it here, sorry-"
"I'm fed up with talking medical all the time, I have it at work, I have it with her when I shouldn't have it. Setting up her tubes at night to sanitising everything to make sure she doesnt get an infection and look what happened? She did"
"You just need a little extra help, I'm here now"
"Look...I need to be honest" she was bothered by something, there was something really making her uncomfortable "I need you to promise that you won't go for custody when she's like this Fletch...I had it all with Jonny, the last thing I need is that on top of this"
"I'm not going to go for custody Jac, no way...I just...I'm not ok? All those words I said the other day I was just angry, I've had time to process it and it's the last thing she needs as well as you. I think you have enough stress in your life"
"Thank you" she whispers quietly as she looks at him "Thank you so much-"
"Look you cant...live here all the time so why dont you move in with me and the kids?" he suggests, she pulls a face at his absurd decision "I know it's very soon and I know...its a bit crazy to jump in that deep but I can help you out"
"I dont think thats for the best, being around kids is risky, infections, kids hardly keep themselves clean do they so I think I need to get a place of our own. I just dont want her to get any more sick than she needs to be, she has to come first not idealistic family situations which you may crave-"
"No, I understand, I do but I want to be there Jac, I do-"
"I know you do, I know..." she trails off before biting her lip "Look I have a few flat viewings tomorrow, if you want you can have her for that time?"
"Really?"
"Yeah I mean, you're a nurse arent you, you know how to work all of this stuff" she shrugs and points to all the medical equipment "Unless of course you dont want to-"
"No I'd be more than happy to, I won't take her home to the kids if you're worried about infections"
"Thank you...I know it's probably me being paranoid but I just want to keep her safe-"
"I understand, dont worry" he smiles slightly, she nods before breathing out "Speaking of the kids I should get back and break the news to them"
"Good luck with that" Jac sighs, she passes Eloise's medical folder to him so he could research some things, he smiles and nods at her, she shows him to the door "And thank you for today, I hope you two can have many more days like this"
"Me too" he confirms with a small smile, they look into each other's eyes and hold their gaze until Jac snapped out of this weird staring contest they had going on
"Bye then"
"Yeah...bye"
Why was it still so awkward though, she cringed at them acting civil, the last thing she actually wanted now was civil because it made her feel all warm inside. She was sitting and researching on her laptop before giving up and calling it a day, she couldnt focus. She had decided to swap shifts with Petrenko so she was going to watch her kid for her whilst she headed into work. When she got into work she sat down and let out a long sigh, there was an emergency so she dealt with that and then was thrown into a transplant meaning Fletch was called in, she groaned at having to work alongside him after spending the entire day with him. They worked together well though, almost like old times, she liked it a lot more than she admitted.
"I have a gift" he beams and walks into her office causing her to laugh slightly at the pizza in his hands "You must be starving"
"I am" she confirms as he pulls out a bottle of wine "You are treating me"
"Take a seat" he smiles and she immediately gets comfortable on the sofa so he smiles at her "Now...I got researching when I got in"
"Oh did you now?" she rolls her eyes, he smirks at her and at her tone "What did you find?"
"This" he pulls out the papers and passes them to her, she frowns and looks at him before her jaw dropped slightly "Look...I know its very left field-"
"No" she shakes her head and passes the papers back "No way"
"What other choice do we have Jac, this way we know she will definitely have a match-"
"I'm not letting you get me knocked up again" she states, he rolls his eyes at her comment "No"
"We'd do it thought IVF" he whispers, she sighs "The embryos would get tested to make sure they were a match with Eloise...I'm struggling to see another option here to get her a transplant"
"I know... it's just...another kid" she shakes her head, he nods slowly and places his hand on her leg "Thats what bothers me, I dont particularly want another kid, not if I can help it and I'm sure you dont either"
"What choice do we have?" he looks at her, she nods knowing Eloise had been on the transplant list for ages now "I hate to even seem like I'm manipulating you but what happens when her body gets too tired and she's not healthy enough to have a transplant"
"Those are the exact thoughts going through my head right now" she shakes her head and raises her mug to her lips "Can I think about it? Do my own research then get back to you?"
"If thats what you want then you can. It was just a logical and possible way out of this because I dont know about you, reading those notes, I can't find a way out of this until the worst happens"
"I know" she wipes her eyes so he brings her in for a hug, he runs his fingers through her hair "Sorry"
"No, no" he whispers "You let it all out, it's ok, you've probably bottled all this up and thats ok, I'm going to help now, I am and it's all going to fall into place"