Summary:
After Eren disappears in Marley, the Scouts have no choice but to go back to Paradis to avoid blowing their cover. Mikasa and Levi both come to new realizations that lead them traveling to Marley together in hopes of bringing Eren home. Mikasa learns the growing pains of falling out of love, and faces the fears of new love. Her love for Eren grows weaker each time she looks at her loving captain — what will happen when they meet Eren face to face again? What will come of Levi and Mikasa's lone adventure to Marley?
Only the stars will lead the way.
"If Eren Jaeger is Paradis' ultimate weapon, then Captain Levi is surely their shield. And a woman like Mikasa Ackerman cared far more about protecting others than of killing enemies across the sea."
(This canon-divergent story takes place after the Scouts spend months living in Marley. Levi and Mikasa have grown closer as soldiers, and possibly as something more in that time. At this time of the story, Mikasa is 23 while Levi is 33. The 104th Scouts entered the military training brigade at 18, then entered the Scout Regiment at 21.)
A light breeze whispered across beaming orange waves that crashed against the ship. Sea spray misted onto Levi's relaxed face as he leaned over the rails, making the air taste like salt on his lips. The dancing of the ocean in the unending horizon kept him in a steady trance — there was a beauty to it that the seasoned soldier wanted to stop to embrace, if only for the silent moment.
Years ago growing up in the Underground, he'd never imagined a world covered in open sunlight, let alone the blue-turned-red desert of water far ahead of him. Captain Levi had seen the sunset many times during battle, but this marked the first time he's gotten to simply... watch. The golden hour sun mixed with the deepest blue of his eyes. Not bad, he wanted to say aloud — until his peaceful moment was interrupted by Connie throwing up over the railing not too far from him.
"Sorry, Cap... Just a little seasick, hah!" A dribble of puke still rested on the poor guy's chin as he smiled awkwardly at the captain. Levi quickly chucked a white linen handkerchief just in time before Connie's attempts to wipe the vomit with his tailored coat sleeve. The queasy soldier took two quick swipes of his mouth before he attempted to hand the cloth back to Levi, whose face was winced with disgust.
"For fuck's sake, just keep it. I insist." Levi took a step back before grabbing the spare linen handkerchief that always rested in his back pocket, and gently wiped his hands though he had zero contact with the vomiting boy. He searched around the deck as Connie thanked him. "Connie, how are the others?"
Connie pushed off of the railing and stuffed the dirty linen into his pocket, making a mental note to do laundry as soon as he got back to his cabin. "All asleep already, Captain. Ah—except Mikasa..." Levi's eyes shifted towards the cabins as Connie continued. "She seemed… Well, you know… Ever since..." A tinge of worry grew in his yellow eyes before the two men fell painstakingly silent. The sun finally slipped beneath the horizon, and the water began to shift to a hazy purple.
It was hard for Connie to talk about it — it was hard for Levi, too. The entire reconnaissance squad came to the enemy land of Marley. All of them. Yet they were on the ship again returning to their home, Paradis Island, without Eren Jaeger.
Where he went, no one knew; not even Mikasa, who seemed to always have permanent tabs on him. Mikasa who, not too long ago, cheerfully ate her fifth serving of market ice cream and teased Levi for not liking sweets. Mikasa, who blushed when the Captain complimented the blue of her bowler hat. Mikasa, who Levi carried back to her room when the Scouts got too drunk in Ramzi's village.
A smiling and laughing Mikasa, now utterly depressed.
Connie bade the Captain a 'night as he shuffled on the swaying deck back to his room, stomach still unsettled — leaving Levi alone staring at a sky that slowly started to fade to navy blue. Dim stars began to peek out to keep the lonesome captain accompanied in his lost thoughts.
Levi couldn't really admit it, but he felt responsible for it all. Not regretful, just... responsible. And maybe not so much responsible for that damn Eren Jaeger disappearing, but for the current state of Mikasa Ackerman.
When Mikasa found out Eren was gone, she panicked. Three days spent searching ended in failure. In the end, it was Levi who made the stern and final order to leave without Eren, for ruining their cover in enemy territory was simply not worth the risk. When she begged Levi to leave her behind in Marley that morning, he could've sworn the woman had the same detesting look in her eyes when she first saw Levi beating Eren to a pulp at the first military trial years ago.
Shit. The idea of his right-hand woman loathing him used to be mildly amusing in earlier years, but this time felt much different. Levi paced back and forth, restless at the thought that perhaps some of this was his own fault to blame. He scoffed. How the hell do I cheer up that gloomy brat? Ice cream? Flowe—what flowers does she even like? What the hell could cheer up a woman like Mikasa Ackerman?
Levi took a deep breath. The pacing and questions of ice cream and flowers came to a halt as he lifted his solemn face from his polished shoes to stars that were glowing bright above him. The cool night breeze sent a chill up his spine beneath his twill jacket.
The night view of microcosmos glimmering across the calm waters was unbelievably beautiful now. The sight brought Levi back to his training days with Isabel and Farlan; late nights staring up at the sky from the edge of the castle walls dreaming of the future, back when dreaming of a future felt possible. Of all the people in the world, those two were the only ones who mattered to him. "Life is good, bro!" he remembered Farlan's words vividly, "As long as you've got people to love."
He blinked, still staring at the skies, still contemplating that thought; people, someone to love.
Did Levi even have that now that Farlan and Isabel were gone?
His curious eyes continued to wander the skies until he locked onto a single star; larger than the others, it glowed blue and much brighter than the hundreds—no—thousands that surrounded it. No matter where Levi looked in the ocean of lights, he found himself coming back to that blue star again and again. It was the only one that begged for his attention. It was a gem, one of a kind, rare, admirable, and nothing else shined like it in the darkness. He wondered what made it glow the way it did, and how the hell it was the only one he could see. He gulped.
It reminded him a lot of—
"Captain...?"
A soft voice arose from behind Levi and caught him by surprise. He glanced over his tensed shoulder to see the very woman of his thoughts peeking at him with tired and heavy eyes. Judging by the nightgown under her pink cardigan and the bedhead, Levi knew she was just as surprised as he was to see anyone on the deck this late into the night. "Mikasa, you should be resting."
Mikasa's unexpected chuckle brought a flood of relief to the man who thought she detested him. She let out a slow sigh from her lips. "I could say the same to you, Captain." Her dainty hand lifted to her short raven hair as she shuffled the strands back into place, suddenly embarrassed at her unkempt appearance in front of her superior.
Levi finally faced her and watched as she sluggishly brushed off her wrinkled clothes. An amused smirk fell on his face as he found the rare scene of a disheveled and embarrassed Mikasa strangely endearing.
He tilted his head and stared at her. There was something missing.
"Your scarf—" Levi immediately bit his tongue, wishing he hadn't brought up the sensitive subject of the crimson cloth Eren Jaeger had given her thirteen years ago that she'd never been seen without. He expected the brat to burst into tears, run back to her room and curse him. Instead, she simply came forward to stand closely beside him. Levi relaxed, and both gazed out towards the dark of the sea together.
She leaned onto the railing of the boat and pouted. "I... Don't want to wear the scarf these days."
Mikasa was strong. Levi always knew this. Hell, she was humanity's strongest — second to himself — and he could always rely on her strength on their missions. Yet somehow, even in the midst of her bedridden and sullen sadness, even in the moment she felt completely betrayed by the man she loved, she seemed even stronger in this moment. He knew she was pushing forward. He felt it.
Memories of years ago flashed to Levi; the moment of giving away Petra's patch to a soldier who needed it more. He knew exactly what that scarf meant to Mikasa, and how much more it meant for her to put it aside, even for this bitter night.
The breeze picked up and turned cold, making strands of black hair dance around Mikasa's beautiful face. Her cheeks had become sunken in and her skin looked dull from days straight of crying, yet Mikasa undoubtedly remained the most stunning woman Levi had ever known — for far more reasons than the bit of wind that caressed her face or the moonlight that reflected brightly off of her porcelain skin. In Levi's eyes, Mikasa was glowing. He blinked.
A star that shines brighter than the others.
"Mikasa, I hope you know..." Levi cleared his throat, turning again to the abyss of the sea. "I wanted to find Eren. We really tried." He pivoted and leaned back onto the railing, pulling his hands into the pockets of his trousers to avoid fidgeting in front of her. "But we had to leave. We had to prioritize our mission. And I couldn't leave you behind." He couldn't even look at her anymore.
"But you were right, though, Captain." Mikasa wrapped her thin cardigan around herself tightly. "I couldn't have stayed there. I don't know what would've happened to me if I did. But..." She paused as her voice trembled, then turned her face to Levi again. "...Why didn't you just leave me?" She shook her head, painful thoughts of her parents and now, Eren, flooded her mind. "Everyone leaves."
More memories flashed of begging Levi to leave her in Marley. She remembered the gentle voice of her Captain as he told her to calm down, and his surprisingly delicate touch as he held her arms from her defiant hits. Mikasa knew she could've been punished for her insubordination, but in that state of panic, nothing else mattered. At the time and in the height of her emotions, she'd have preferred to fall dead than move forward knowing Eren willingly left her, and that she may never see him again.
But she remembered the tender words Levi said to her at that moment; words she had never once heard from Eren. If she hadn't cried so much earlier in the day, she would have had more tears to shed at that moment.
"Stay with me, Mikasa. I'll never leave you behind."
Levi stopped to ponder her question. "Mikasa." He directly faced her, voice strong and reassuring. "I stand by my word to you that day." He couldn't bring himself to directly say it, but at that time when Mikasa screamed at him to leave her, Levi knew that wasn't what she actually wanted. Her eyes always told a different story.
He quietly chuckled before patting Mikasa's head; his hand lingered for a moment before pulling back to himself. "A certain gloomy brat who begged to be left behind was just asking for someone to stay beside her. So I took it upon myself to do just that." Levi looked far out to the calm sea now, unnerved by how openly he was talking now. "But I also needed to keep that brat safe."
Levi realized he gave Mikasa his promise that day not to temporarily ease and shut down her emotions, but because it's a promise he knew he had already internalized for years. He would never leave Mikasa's side, and he knew her pained heart needed to hear that, especially now. It wasn't because he didn't think she was capable of taking care of herself if she was alone — because hell, she was Mikasa Ackerman. He simply knew she didn't want be alone. And if his pride didn't hold him back from admitting it, Levi didn't want to her to be alone, either.
"If staying back there to find the shitty guy was actually what you wanted—" he paused, "...If that's still truly what you want, Mikasa, I would turn this boat around for you." Her eyes narrowed and she listened closely to Levi's words. "And I would go with you. I told you, I'm not leaving you behind, Ackerman."
Mikasa, taken aback, immediately laid her eyes on Levi and noticed the steel color now staring through the curtain of his hair that always hung at just the right height. There was a gentleness in his eyes — he didn't look at her with pity as she expected. Rather, there was deep intent; the kind that someone begging you to understand would give. And perhaps she did understand: Levi truly wasn't going anywhere, and he always stood by his word with her. Mikasa shivered and her shoulders tensed from the brisk air or... something else.
Levi noticed and took his suit jacket off with ease, delicately placing it over Mikasa's shoulders. Not surprisingly so, the jacket smelled clean, as expected of the captain. But it was... Warm. Comforting. Her face flushed with a tinge of red, and both soldiers' eyes were locked onto each other's. Warm? Comforting? Was that what the brooding captain was being to her right now?
It reminded her much of the moment Eren wrapped that scarf around her. There was a sense of safety and security then, she thought; a sense of saving her from the abyss, a sudden sense of belonging again, and that was the moment she fell in love with…
Mikasa suddenly shot back from the railing with wide eyes, startling Levi. Her breathing grew heavy.
"Mikasa? Mikasa, what's wrong?"
She was completely overwhelmed. The concern in his voice. The sincerity in the way Levi now stepped towards her. The care in his words. The undoubted promise of never leaving. The sweet sound of her name rolling off of his tongue. And that damn warmth in his gentle eyes as he looked at her.
"I... need to go, Captain." Mikasa didn't spare a look as she retreated and bolted to her room; didn't even stop as she listened to Levi call out her name.
She couldn't handle any of it. Mikasa had loved Eren all her life, and it hit her: she had never once been loved back by Eren. She had never seen Eren look at her the way Levi did just now. Never once heard that concern in his voice, or felt thatsincerity from him. She could never hear Eren promising he'd never leave her; if he ever would, it would never feel secure with her.
Mikasa had never truly felt cared for by any man, until now.
Levi...?
She shut the door behind her and slid down against it until she met the ground. Mikasa didn't think there were more pathetic tears to cry, but there they flowed again. She wiped her face with the sleeve of Levi's jacket still on her shoulders, and stared at the fabric. His steel eyes flashed in her mind once again. When did she first see that in Levi's eyes? Her head softly leaned back against the door as she looked up, tears still welled up. Levi has always been like that, hasn't he?
The thought of experiencing intimacy from someone new felt comforting and terrifying all at the same time. But Mikasa's heart continued to ache. Loving Eren was like growing a flower in a dream that could never come true. When he disappeared, he chose to leave her. He chose to live his life without her. And if that's what love with Eren will always be like, there is only so much of that love her tired heart could handle. Mikasa bit her lip and fought her thoughts. Broken as she was, she couldn't admit just yet that she wanted something that was secure and safe.
Levi.
Still, Mikasa continually repeated his name on the tip of her tongue like a calming chant, until she fell asleep on the cool ground in her tender captain's warm jacket.
...
...
Levi remained in standstill, in complete shock at the sudden sight of Mikasa Ackerman running away just moments earlier. He supposed he could've ran and followed her, but Levi could read that damn girl like an open book, and she simply just needed space. He was always eternally patient with her — how could he not be? And as he looked up at that glowing blue star once again, his lips slightly curled upwards as the realization settled in.
Shit. I'm in love with that damn woman, aren't I?
He stirred in all the words that were said, and the words that weren't. "Goddammit, Farlan," he kicked a pebble on the deck and chuckled quietly to himself before repeating his old friend's words aloud. "Life is good as long as you have someone to love." Levi walked past Mikasa's door and into his room. Thoughts of the raven-haired woman's smile lulled the lovestruck captain to a rare slumber.
...
...
A knock.
Levi shot out of the uncomfortable chair he fell asleep in, surprised at the way he was able to dream under such bright morning sunbeams. His head thrummed with a slight ache, and he was unsure if it was due to the stress of last night or his poor sleep on the swaying boat. He opened the door of his cabin to find Mikasa standing before him — a look of determination painted on her face.
"Levi. I want to go back to Marley. I want us to go together."
"Let's go, then."
AUTHOR NOTES:
9/2/22 Edit: I'm just about to post my final chapter. It's sweet to read these old notes! What was meant to be a one-shot turned into a beautiful 17-chapter story that encompasses everything I have ever wanted for Levi and Mikasa as individual characters. I hope you enjoy their journey!
Had a lot of fun writing this! The other day I wrote a different one-shot fic of Rivamika tensions without much dialogue, so I wanted to do a little more in this and keep it more innocent to really focus on their inner thoughts/feelings.
For Levi, I've always seen him as being very loving towards Mikasa even if he doesn't realize his feelings yet. He'd do anything for her and as her importance to him heightens, he finally begins to be at peace with being more open to her about it, even if he doesn't say it directly yet.
For Mikasa, if she ever were to love Levi (or anyone, really) back, I could see her being extremely hard on herself for loving someone other than Eren since he is what she's been used to. More specifically, I wanted to explore what it would be like for Mikasa to realize there are better kinds of love out there and available to her.
I enjoyed using subtle flashbacks (Rivamika ice cream, carrying Mikasa back from scouts getting drunk, etc) to imply how much bonding and romance has already been budding between them over the years; specifically during the months they were in Marley altogether. That even as a group, Levi and Mikasa were still drawn to each other naturally.
I also wanted to emphasize that Levi wasn't just commanding or forcing her to leave with them; he just knew she honestly didn't want to be left again. Levi always cares about her safety first and foremost. But he also respects her decisions, which is why he told her that if she truly wanted to go back to bring Eren home, he'd let her… and go with her. Even if it would mean the woman he loves gets to reunite with the guy she loves.
Then I kept the ending open because, if I have time, it'd be fun to attempt my first multi-chapter fic w this storyline! I want to see Levi and Mikasa undercover in Marley together as they try to find Eren. I also want to see an interaction between Eren and Mikasa now that she's realized and is accepting Levi's love towards her. I also think that Mikasa partially wants to go back to convince herself to keep loving Eren — only to fall in love w Levi more :')
Anyway, I'm still shy but I'd love to hear feedback from y'all! I would love to write more and improve! It's fun piecing together scenes that are in my mind, especially during those time periods that Isayama only implies and never explored!