Authors note: I do not own Harry Potter
The only ones of his house who were remaining at Hogwarts throughout Christmas were the Weasley's, and the single Potter.
Harry had looked mournfully as his friends said their goodbyes in the warmth of the entrance hall the portcullis looming menacingly over their head.
"Don't let these two idiots get you into trouble," Alicia had said to him, risking a hug as she gave her farewell.
"Hey," came the indignant reply from one of the heavily covered Weasley's, who had just finished seeing off Lee.
"Yeah, we resent that. I mean you get one angry Slytherin."
"And a professor."
"And a ghost."
"Oh I forgot about that one!"
Angelina rolled her eyes at the common byplay, moving in for her own hug, bending down slightly to do so. "See ya kiddo. I'm trusting you to keep these morons in line."
"I'll try my best Angie."
"How come he's allowed to call you Angie, but I get whacked round my head if I say that?" sputtered George.
"Because he's adorable and you aren't," Angelina replied. She winked at Harry, causing a ripple of giggles to break the soft silence surrounding the falling snow.
"Come on Gred, I know when we aren't wanted."
"I agree Forge." Cue the dramatic crocodile tears. "Woe is us dear brother, I see that our charms have once again failed us."
"I agree my handsome brother, such is the life of misery we lead."
They could still hear their general gripes as they turned the corner and made their ways through to mischief unending.
Neville and Fay were to take their carriage to the express together, and had already left just a little while before. The departure had been slightly awkward as none of them knew exactly quite what to say to each other. The two of them knew only that he had no intention to go back to his muggle relatives, and from their knowledge, he had not even told Katie as to the reason for his distaste for his relatives. They all had their suspicions, but none of them knew how to voice them to their friend.
Still, it had been an emotional goodbye. He did not realise until he saw them leave, knowing that they would not return until after the new year, how integral they had become to his everyday life.
Wood had just left him with a "keep practicing that game Potter," to absolutely no one's surprise.
When it was finally Katie's turn to go, she looked at his emerald eyes with such concentration that it left Harry slightly confused.
She carefully stepped forward, embracing him tightly, his own arms to the side; Harry had not yet reciprocated any form of contact his friends had moved to him with.
He could feel her breath hit his ear as she leaned in slightly, as she was a little taller than he was.
"I'll miss you." It was barely there but she heard it. It was almost pleading, and it pulled at her heart strings. In the small amount of time that she had known this wonderful, sweet boy, she had come to care for him greatly. They all knew that while Neville was definitely his best friend, Katie held a special place in his heart.
"It won't be for too long. Fred and George will be here with you. At least making sure that you don't spend your whole Christmas studying."
She pulled back slightly, laughing lightly at the bashful look he was attempting to remove unsuccessfully. "I'm not that bad..." He huffed as she kept laughing. "Magic just really fascinates me. Transfiguration is just so..."
She pulled back fully, her hands grasping his shoulders as she took him all in. If not for the blue-grey eyes, she could have easily passed for his lookalike. She had some Potter blood not too many generations ago, so she had contemplated that there may be a slight familial connection involved.
"Just promise me that you can take it easy for Christmas Day at least."
He was taking in every inch of his friend as they remained in contact, with complete comprehension that he would be missing her terribly.
All these people had become so integral to his daily consistencies, that as it all dawned on him that he would be going without for a relatively long period of time, it was starting to hit him quite hard.
A stray droplet slid down his cheek as he waved absently at the now vanished forms of his friends.
He felt alone.
The last time he felt like this was when Hagrid had left him at the Dursley's, after showing him the gateway to a brighter future. He knew he could rely on the twins, as they always had his back, but it felt like a hole had opened in his heart.
"Y'alrigh' Harry?"
Harry saw Hagrid stomping snow into the castle, a live Christmas tree hoisted on his shoulders as he carried it into the school. He began to shake his head free of the insidious thoughts, and walked over to his large friend.
Later that week, magic studied enough to make his eyes water, he decided he had had enough self-deprecation to get on his own nerves. The Weasley's had kept him thoroughly entertained as promised, and he enjoyed a daily visit to Hagrid's hut to feel the warmth of the space and of his friend.
He was sitting in Flitwick's office, McGonagall sharing the space with them, drinking hot tea together, when he realised that not all home's are perfect, but that he had at least found one at Hogwarts.
He knew that something was different when he awoke that morning. To start with, there was no ungodly snoring coming from the other side of the room.
He shook the cobwebs from his mind, shifting to his left to pick his glasses from his bedside table.
He took in the silent emptiness. For so long there was always noise when he hit the waking world. He swept his vision around the room, trying to comprehend exactly what it was that seemed so out of place.
The answer kicked his door open, causing a frightened Harry to shriek as he flew out of his bed onto the floor. He reached up to grab his wand, face growing paler, shaking in more than simple fright at the interloper.
He didnt hear the muted voice trying to shake his mind from its hidden corner, nor the angry growls that sent it packing.
"Come on Harry, we got ya."
He felt two sets of arms gingerly help him onto his feet, and two sets of red hair swam into view.
"Merry Christmas Harry."
He followed them shakily down the flight of stairs to the common room, where a sheepish Ron was waiting, presents half opened around him. He idly noted that all three were wearing red jumpers with their initials tastefully taking up most of the front.
He nodded, still shaking slightly, at Ron's half-hearted apology before taking a seat next to the fire.
"Your gifts are definite boons, my Lord of the Potterness." The twins really knew how to get him out of a funk. 'Smarter than other's would believe,' he mused, taking in the tranquil atmosphere.
He had mulled over what to get his friends for Christmas, not realising how to quite go about getting gifts. He had had a near panic attack until Professor Sprout had kindly explained to him that the owlry had catalogues in it that could be used to purchase such things. Then he had spent so long trying to decide what to get someone, that he just ordered Wizarding gift cards for all his friends and hoped for the best. Of course, each one was tailored for each person he gifted. Flitwick got one for Flourish and Blotts as an example. Ron and the rest of his year mates got a standard selection box of muggle sweets and chocolate; he thought he'd let them try something different. Although he guessed that Dean would find it humorous.
Fred and George had got cards for use at Zonko's Joke Shop in Hogsmeade, the reason for both of their large grins pointed at him. He was most particularly proud of his ones for McGonagall and Katie though. His professor received a gift card for use at any season's worth of 5 quidditch games. He knew she was absolutely mad for the sport, but had neglected to ask her favourite team. Therefore he left it up to her to decide which games to cash in her present. Katie had received the exact same, but for any season's worth of 5 games for Holyhead, her preferred team. She would miss a lot of games due to the school year, but the card had five redemptions that could be used at any time, so she had plenty of opportunities to utilise it.
Some might have wondered at the amount it had cost to buy all these, with them all being quite expensive, but it turned out the Potter vault had a veritable fortune in it. And due to many Potter's providing over generations, there was still money going in to it – sleekeazy was putting a tidy some in each month for example.
When Fred brought over a stack of wrapped gifts, he didn't know what to say. He wiped his eyes subtly, but was caught by the three Weasley's there, as he tried to calm himself down. He was more than lost with this happening.
He threw a letter with a coin taped to it into the fireplace as if it had burned him when he touched it, much to the others' concern.
"From my muggle relatives," he croaked. The twins edged slightly more close to him in response. He then opened one package that had a jumper in it similar to theirs.
"We told our mum that you weren't expecting much, so she's made you a Weasley jumper."
Harry nodded his head at the twin that spoke, breath catching in his throat. He felt... touched. He hadn't expected any presents at all. If he was honest with himself, he truly believed that someone like him did not deserve such things given to him. So such a reception was a thing of beauty he couldn't quite comprehend.
Ron grew redder than normal when Harry released a throaty admission of thanks for his chocolates. And almost completely stopped when he saw that the twins had personally charmed him a light scarf to be always at a comfortable temperature as well as comfortably breathable through.
It seems as though Wood had come through with a book, 'Quidditch Through the Ages' which he should have expected. Alicia and Angelina had pooled together to get a nice broom servicing kit for his Nimbus. The attached note claimed that: 'A good broom needs looking after.'
Neville had sent some seeds from his greenhouse; apparently from plants he had cultivated personally. While Fay, knowing his own appreciation for Quidditch matched her own, gifted him something know as 'Pensieve Pictures' of recordings of some of the most popular Quidditch games on moving picture cards. McGonagall gave him a note that just said 'Nimbus – Merry Christmas', which made him release a sound between and laugh and a cough. It seemed as though Flitwick had decided he liked his student enough too. Harry smiled as he opened up a charmable tea set – the man was still ever the teacher it seemed.
Katie's was a gift that had him walking off under the pretence of quickly needing the bathroom. He cried. But they were tears of happiness when he opened up the first page of a large red book that had 'Potter Photo Album' in golden writing carved into the front. The first, and so far only photo, was of the common magical moving variety. It showed the two of them, dressed in their Quidditch robes looking haggard as they leaned on each other, both dozing as they sat on a stone bench by the Quidditch pitch, the grass showing the gentle breeze flowing by.
When he returned, Fred and George, both looking unnaturally compassionate, tossed the final gift at him, with nary a word and only two understanding smiles.
The note on the now unwrapped cloak only stated three words.
'Use It Well.'
The quartet had been more than a little surprised at the reveal of his invisibility cloak. It was a surreal experience to know that his body was there, but was unseen to the naked eye.
The three Weasley's had sworn themselves to secrecy at the introduction of the cloak to Harry's repertoire. Though Harry had been wary of the look of jealousy that adorned Ron's face.
They had decided to forgo breakfast, knowing that at noon there would be a reputable feast for the limited students and staff who had remained at Hogwarts.
He had decided to opt out of the impromptu snowball fight that the twins has instigated against the two Hufflepuff's who had remained that holiday. His tinkling laugh echoed in the surreal quiet as he practiced warming charms so as to keep out the cold, though enjoying the nicety of his new scarf.
They were met with much cheer as they entered the hall for their lunch. Goose, ham, and turkey littered the single table smacked into the middle of the room. Harry observed all the delectable food, salivating slightly as he realised that for once, he could enjoy a Christmas meal and not just be the chef.
He tried and tested one of everything he saw, laughing lightly as Dumbledore smiled and put a paper Christmas hat upon his head. The professors thanked him merrily for their gifts, while he reciprocated in kind.
"Tutshill Tornados, for future reference Mr Potter." McGonagall appeared to be slightly tipsy with the addition of alcohol for all those of age. "Of course, watching a House match is much of greater enjoyment these days; it's always a pleasure to see my Lions play."
Harry soaked in the atmosphere surrounding him. To be able to enjoy such festivities had always eluded his mind. 'So this is Christmas.'
When all were finished at the table, with Harry secretly pleased that Snape had yet to show his face, Flitwick cheerily invited the students to remain so as to enjoy peaceful company along with some strong tea. Harry of course decided to stay, but he was the only student. As people cleared out, a faint farewell from the twins as they left to commit mayhem elsewhere, it was only Harry, Flitwick, Sprout, and Dumbledore who remained.
He had not had much interaction with the near-legendary headmaster. He, of course, knew about his exploits, and admired the man for his incredible Transfiguration abilities. This was, however, to be the longest time around him since starting at Hogwarts.
He observed the three professors as they chatted amicably, noting the warm looks he was receiving from them as he enjoyed sipping on his highly strong tea.
They would ask him light questions, mostly about his enjoyments of lessons, as well as how he was finding the school now that he had had time to settle in.
"It's just so... surreal." His face showed the wonder he felt inside, causing a chuckle to reverberate around the now smaller table. "I never would have thought that something like this could be possible."
"Sometimes, we who live in magic, forget it's own magic on our lives. There are those of us with this power we try to control, end up finding ourselves laid bare before a beautiful field. Ah, to be a child once more."
Harry did not quite understand what Dumbledore had meant by those words but sat there politely as the professors engaged in another conversation, confusion marring the other two's faces as well.
Too early for him he excused himself from the table. The food was too heavy, and the atmosphere around him hit him quickly when he realised he was a child in the company of adults. He realised as he meandered aimlessly around the corridors and halls of the castle, that he couldn't quite get a read on the man who was Albus Dumbledore.
That night he couldn't sleep. His thoughts kept whizzing around in his brain. He would keep glancing at his trunk at the foot of his bed, knowing that inside lay his new cloak.
'I could go anywhere... do anything,' he pondered. It was as if he had been handed the keys to the castle of a golden plate. However, while he knew the twins would have been acolytes of Hermes, it was to Athena that his mind wandered.
The halls were always so full, and in Hogwarts: A History, he had learned that there were secrets apparently held around every corner, and he felt a crawling over his skin at imagining what could be laying in store. It was as if there was an itch that he could not reach to scratch.
For too long he had been denied knowledge. Knowledge of family. Knowledge of friends. Knowledge of what could have been... For so long he had wanted to know, and been rebuked time and time again.
His mind was made up. He opened his trunk quietly, removing his cloak and placing it around his body, and left for parts unknown.
There was a chill in the air, bouncing around the stone walls, ignorant to the smouldering remnants within burnt out sconces. His footsteps here were their own, as were his thoughts.
He dwelled on what had become of his life now, with those people who now inhabited it. Who now became such integral parts of his being. He remembered the fun times he was having with the team, both on and off the pitch. He thought of the times he, Neville, and Fay had sat in companionable silence as they worked on essays, played wizarding games, and talked about inane things that meant both nothing and everything at once. He revived the times he had the professors in his corner, fighting to improve his knowledge of magic, and how slowly they brought a different him out to the forefront of his soul. So completely different from the Harry Potter that was made of brittle glass they had seen on September 1st.
They were cultivating him. All of them. Slowly but surely he was becoming something brand new as he grew. Even the scars he was bearing from the sinister actions of Malfoy and Snape were shaping him into something different. They were making him stronger, building the muscle so as to defend his being.
And Katie... She was the port in the storm he thought, touching every nook and cranny he came across. Looking behind every statue, moving every tapestry, and realising that it could take years to understand. He changed his direction toward the library, imagining with barely restrained eagerness, that he could get into the restricted section with no problems now.
He kept his thoughts on these people as he travelled the dark calm of his home. The smell of the books infiltrated his nostrils as he imagined all he could learn about his new world. Absently bringing his head back to Katie, knowing that she would give him a look of consternation at his recklessness. He could feel his tiredness increasing, but he had to at least say to himself that he had fulfilled this minor quest.
There was no way he was able to keep time for how long he stayed there for. It could have been minutes, or it could have been hours. Time had no meaning for his childish curiosity, a foreign feeling of selfishness encompassing him at his desire to embrace as much of magic as he could.
His head swivelled sharply as he heard a bang in the distance after some time, knowing that he would be in trouble if he remained there as panic flooded him. His mind purged all rational thought as he wrapped the cloak around his body tightly as he fled.
Unseen ghosts tickled his form, corridors blending into one until he hit a dead end. Unthinking, he ran into an opened room and closed the door behind him.
He slid down the back of the door, panic and frustrated tears the only thing one could see on his face. 'Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!' he berated himself. 'What if you'd been caught? No more magic, no more friends. What were you thinking?'
He shook his head, an attempt to calm himself down, and took stock of his surroundings.
The room was bare, except for a single, large mirror next to the far wall.
There was strange writing adorning the top of the frame. It looked like an ordinary mirror, but he couldn't quite work out what it was glaringly doing in such a place.
He dropped the cloak, letting it pool around his feet as he moved one foot in front of the other, curiosity overtaking him.
He knew he was small of frame. He was most certainly the smallest in his year. The glasses that rested on his nose were cheap looking. He knew he had to get his eyes sorted properly now that he access for some of his own funds. His mothers eyes stared back at him, the only thing about her that he had to himself.
Harry wondered how his life would have developed if he had his parents in his there for him, loving and caring to give him a life he could only now imagine. Would he have ended up like Malfoy? Or would he have become the caring person that he adored in Katie?
He took further steps forward, musing tiredly on the things he had dreamt for so long.
The reflection did not just show him. There was someone else there. He shot his head around, seeing nothing in the room with him. He turned back desperately to see what was staring back at him, wonder filling him as he could not draw himself away.
His next few nights would draw him back to that room, as he deliberately memorised the route to and from there back to the common room. He debated bringing the twins with him, but wanted to be selfish this once and take it for himself. If they noticed his distance in the days, they chose to ignore it. He knew they knew he was breaking curfew, they had implied as much, though he was unaware how they had discovered it.
"Back again, Harry?"
There was no way he could escape. His body froze, he became petrified. "S-sir?" he crooked. He was done for, he knew it. He was caught and he was in trouble and it was the Headmaster who was going to remove him.
"I see that you, like others before you, have discovered the delights of the Mirror of Erised." His voice was calm. "Calm yourself young Harry, you are not in trouble this night. It thrills this old man to see you enjoy that which was once your father's."
Harry looked at the cloak resting on his shoulders as he stood up to face the man. "This belonged to my dad?"
Dumbledore chuckled at the question, "And he caused more mischief with it than I believe you could ever think about doing."
"Sir, the mirror..."
"Ah, you see it's magic can you not."
Harry paused, thinking over his question. "Is it real?"
Albus Dumbledore had many regrets in his life. Truly there were too many to count. Looking at the young boy who looked so despondent before him; he was once again wishing that things could have been different for him. "I show not your face but your heart's desire."
Harry's face fell. "I knew it wasn't real, but I hoped... I wondered if it was the future. If I saw another me."
"Tonight will be the last night you will see this mirror, Harry. Tomorrow it is to be moved to a new home, and I want you to promise me that you will not look for it."
"I won't sir. I... I don't think I want to see it anymore." Dumbledore looked upon him kindly, but he could see the questioning gaze, but Harry was ashamed. He had become addicted to seeing what the mirror falsely reflected. He was becoming a different kind of weak, after he was getting so strong.
He picked up his cloak, wrapping it around him. "Good night, Professor."
When the door closed, Albus Dumbledore had the room to himself. He had seen glimpses of Harry through his mind, an unbidden inevitability during the eye contact they had made. He took one last look at the cursed mirror, where another smiling shape took form next to the one constant he had always seen.
He wondered, then, if his mistakes would consume him, as his guilt ragged around him unseen. His silent tears would go forever unnoticed.
Authors notes
So a nice little chapter here. Just wanted to show a primarily Harry-centric chapter.
I like the format I have going already, as we see how Harry's words and actions influence the others' interactions with him, as well as the plot. But i think it's good to see an internal reflection of his thoughts and feelings. Where better place to start than his first Christmas at Hogwarts where he hasn't got anyone else to fall back on, nor the emotional discord hes already experienced.
Also, some people may be wondering about the vulnerabilities he's showing, and his connection with Katie. Imagine you've had no affection for years and years, now you've got friends. That's great, you're doing better. You're coming out the other side. But theres this person who's showing you so much more care and attention who doesn't have to (he gets on with most of the professors, but he still see's them with respect and admiration for their positions. There's difficulty in separating teacher from individual here). This person basically becomes someone you create an attachment to, which some may consider to be unhealthy, but unfortunately, that's life. I know what I'm doing here, you can all trust me on that.
Next Chapter: Teachers and Friends
Stay safe, and keep healthy.
KhaosOnion