Summary:
After direct orders for Levi to be sent back to Paradis, a lone Mikasa wanders the streets of Marley and is flooded with many unearthed memories. Each precious memory brings her closer to realizing the truth that her captain was there all along.
Ashes fell like snow from the barren sky. The piercing screams of men in the distance following the crashes and explosions was bone chilling. Far ahead, a soldier in white wearing an armband sprinted above the corridor and carried an injured man back, reaching for safety in the pit, only to be shot down before he could make it. Both bodies lay lifeless atop each other, blood oozing from their backs and dripping into the pit.
Eren Jaeger sat still in the trench and watched the blood trickling down from the dirt edge, then slowly looked down to the pool of blood surrounding his own severed leg. He spat out the torn cloth stuffed in his mouth masking his screams a moment ago, then wiped the fresh blood from his shaking hands as he dropped the knife. His pained breath seethed through gritted teeth. Those moments slicing right through his own flesh were excruciating, and he was certain this would be a nightmare that would haunt him til the day he dies.
The explosions never ceased. The screaming never did, either. And if he didn't push forward, the same sounds would soon be heard on Paradis Island.
Fight...
Fight...
"Fight."
Mikasa uttered the single word calmly to herself as she stared out the foggy window of the landed plane. Her eyes fell on the land of Marley once again. This was a vastly different arrival compared to the grandeur of the sea port, and the nation didn't look quite as advanced from this rural area. The dirt paths and shabby buildings that surrounded the landing zone looked similar to that of Shiganshina before the destruction. Somehow it stung knowing that the run-down parts of enemy land were comparable to the nicer and humble areas of Paradis.
The pilot swiftly exited the plane and unlatched Mikasa's door, safely bringing her to level ground. Half a day was spent in the air and her numb feet had missed the solid ground. She stretched and took a deep breath. The air smelt of dust and oil, and she realized the air of her small island and of Hizuru was much cleaner than this.
"Mikasa-san. As instructed by Lady Kiyomi, here is your identification and set of clothes." The pilot handed her a simple bag made of bamboo; a set of documents, money and kimonos lay neatly inside. "This should be enough for two weeks, as you've requested. Will you be okay for that long?"
"…I'll manage." She took the bag and bowed to the man, thanking him for bringing her safely at such short notice.
He leaned closer to her now, peering over his shoulders as he spoke. "There is one ship scheduled to Hizuru in exactly two weeks from today. It is the only one scheduled for three months. You and Eren Jaeger must take that ship. Do not forget, Mikasa-san." He turned to close the door of the plane behind him, then faced her once more. "Until then, find the Strauss family in the city. They are a powerful family that will indeed take care of you, and they might know something useful for finding Jaeger."
The pilot bade her a goodbye and began to service his plane as soon as the silent woman began to tread forward to the main city of Marley.
...
...
The route into town was unfamiliar, yet straightforward; well-made signs and lantern posts lead most of the way. The closer she got, the louder the murmurs of the lively crowd of the city grew. Buildings became more elaborate and grand with every block, streets filled with passerby's, and the cobblestone roads were covered with streetcars that Mikasa didn't know existed until just months ago. The changes that came with passing every street told the foreign girl that she was headed to the exact place she was looking for.
Beautiful as it was, it was still enemy territory, and the journey ahead was completely uncharted.
She paused.
Mikasa's gaze caught a lone tree on a barren hill, peeking over the side of the road and overlooking the busy city. A cool breeze blew, making the maroon sleeves of her common kimono flow in the wind. The lonely tree stood tall atop the hill and the sight of the rustling branches relaxed her.
It reminded her of the one just on the outskirts of Shiganshina where she spent most of her childhood with Armin and Eren; a childhood as extremely young kids, still ignorant of the cruel world around them, and still dreaming about oceans as they lay beneath the leaves.
Armin and Eren have always been around, Mikasa thought. Eren saved her life when she was small and helpless, and the friendship they both shared with a pure heart like Armin's could never truly be replaced. Mikasa was indebted to her two friends. She knew that there was nothing she wouldn't do to keep those two safe.
But maybe, as the years passed and their ties weakened, Mikasa had begun to feel obligated.
Obligated to keep them safe.
Obligated to never change.
Obligated to always love Eren.
It was all she was ever familiar with.
The breeze died down for a second before picking up once again. Her eyes followed a blue butterfly that fluttered past her face. It soared high into the sky, seemingly following the movement of the wind. Further and further it went, higher and higher until it was unseen. Perhaps it was off to new lands. Was that the type of freedom Eren was always fixated on?
Mikasa clenched her fists and closed her eyes, imagining her own wings to fly and follow wherever the wind would bring her. Where would it bring her if she allowed herself to follow for once?
Levi.
Mikasa's brows furrowed in frustration. She shook her head to clear the thoughts of her captain; eyes still shut tight before opening to the sudden sound of a honk and the chaotic sight of a busy road. The girl didn't even realize she had blanked out in the middle of the street, and as she dodged the honking cars, she hurried to the sidewalks.
The crowds of people began to turn their heads at her now; Mikasa thought it was due to lingering on the streets, but in reality, it was simply a rare opportunity for the people of Marley to see a woman of asian descent — and an elegantly beautiful one at that. She'd never realize it, but Mikasa's unspoken beauty was alluring, and her raven hair, dark eyelashes, and glowing pale skin was a sight to behold.
Ah, here it is.
Mikasa found herself at the familiar town plaza; the one where she and the Scouts arrived for the very first time. The Marleyans were having a festival at the time of their arrival, and she'd never take for granted the opportunity to see the excitement of the real outside world with her own eyes — something nearly everyone on Paradis would never get to see in their lifetime. To have such memories in the once unknown world was a luxury.
She turned to her left and noticed a dessert stand painted sky blue — the same one they'd gotten ice cream at for the first time.
"MIKASAAAAAA!" Sasha wailed, a dripping cone of pink ice cream in her grasp. "IT'S AMAZING!" Mikasa could've sworn a tear would fall from the girl's eyes. She took a step back just in time as Sasha reached for a hug with sticky sugar coated hands.
"Sasha. You're filthy." Levi watched the interaction between the two and handed the excited girl a couple of paper napkins.
"Captain Levi, you need to try some! Right, Mikasa?! ...Mikasa?"
The lack of response caught both Levi and Sasha's attention as they turned to observe the dark haired girl as she walked away. Mikasa daintily approached Eren, who was leaning against the railing overlooking the bay. A tasty sweet in hand, Mikasa offered hers. "Try some ice cream, too, Eren."
The green-eyed boy glanced at Mikasa then the ice cream, with a dead look in his eyes. "...Ice cream?"
Mikasa nodded happily, a genuine smile rising on her face. "Do you know what it is?"
"Only from my father's memories." Levi watched as Eren turned away from Mikasa, who still held the cold dessert out to him. Eren spoke bitterly towards the horizon now. "Eldians in the internment-zone rarely get to eat it."
Mikasa lowered her ice cream as Eren ignored her, and Levi paid attention to the way Mikasa's precious smile slowly disappeared as she stared at Eren's back. He could see the dejection in the woman's face as the joy left her eyes. She looked to the floor and fell silent. Levi took a moment to go back to the stand, then walked back to the lonesome soldier.
"Oi. Earl Grey. Try it."
Levi held out a small white paper cup with a single scoop of ice cream to Mikasa, whose downcast eyes shot up to him. "Captain? I thought you didn't like sweets?" The atmosphere seemed to change, and she let out a chuckle.
"Earl Grey is a good tea. I was curious about this one."
Mikasa's eyes lit back up as she took Levi's small metal spoon in the cup to taste the unique flavor her captain had picked. It had hints of something floral, slightly pungent but with the perfect kick of citrus. Her face brightened and the tension in Levi's shoulders relaxed a bit. Levi was never the type to share food; let alone cups and silverware, but somehow the thought of Mikasa sharing a spoon and a bit of ice cream with him didn't bother him.
"MIKASA! CAP—AHH, I MEAN, LEVI! THE OLD LADY IS GIVIN' OUT UNLIMITED FREE SAMPLES." The two shot back at Sasha who was jumping up and down hysterically in front of the ice cream stand now.
The dark-haired soldiers shared a laugh. "Shall we?" Levi clicked his tongue and nodded his head towards Sasha with a smirk on his face, motioning for Mikasa to come along. She happily followed him.
Eren slightly turned his head to watch the two walking away.
Mikasa shook her head and moved to pass the ice cream stand. With such a limited amount of money and time, this was no opportunity to have her favorite dessert. As she slipped by, she briefly glanced into the containers and smiled when she saw a bucket inside labeled Earl Grey.
The gray cobblestone road continued on. Mikasa looked around at the shops that lined the way, then paused beneath a familiar large, elaborate wooden sign that read Pas de Deux. A quiet laugh escaped her lips as she remembered this was the exact boutique that Levi had bought his navy blue shirt. That was the first time Mikasa had ever noticed her captain's indigo eye color, and she was glad she'd influenced him to get that piece; it was unadmittedly her favorite.
"Madame?" The shop keeper came out onto the sidewalk from the boutique, hands clasped together in excitement as she approached Mikasa.
"Ah, excuse me. I was just looking."
"Madame, please! I remember you!" The middle-aged woman wore a red blouse and brown leather Mary Janes. For an older woman, she was very fashionable, which didn't surprise Mikasa more than being recognized.
"You remember me?"
"Yes, yes! You came in with your husband and your kind friend. Your handsome husband actually bought a one-of-a-kind Strauss shirt that had just arrived! He was very lucky to snag it. My, if I had a husband to shop for, I would have bo—"
"Strauss? From the Strauss family?" Mikasa's wheels were turning now as she remembered the pilot's advice before parting ways. Mikasa hadn't even thought about weeks of shelter or anything of the sort until now.
"Why, yes! They're in charge of importing many global goods to our nation." The woman circled around Mikasa and gandered at the detailed stitching of her simple kimono before continuing. "I'm sure they even import many beautiful things from Hizuru!"
"I... am actually here to work out an import deal with them and my family. Can you tell me where I can find them?"
The evening sun was getting lower and the heat began to dwindle, yet Mikasa finally began to break a sweat from walking on foot. The boutique owner's note for reaching the Strauss estate detailed a long route outside of town, and Mikasa was thankful to have bumped into the kind woman again.
She made her way out of the main town as she followed the map, and was halted once more at the sight of the outer market plaza. The path on the left following the bay side was the one they had all run away to when Levi carried Ramzi away from the angry mob. The image of Levi holding onto the young boy to protect him, despite risking their mission, kept replaying in her mind. When they all had stopped far away and out of sight, huffing to catch their breaths, she remembered watching Levi intentionally let the poor boy pick-pocket money from his tweed suit coat. He's more generous and kind than people realize, she thought at that moment. Back then, it was the first time she found herself with a lingering thought of her captain.
She made her way to the end of that path, now overlooking the refugee encampment where the young boy Ramzi was from. There was a dirt path off of the pavement that led straight to the camp, and she'd wondered if Ramzi and his kind family were still there. Perhaps they'd have another feast tonight, just like they did many months ago.
A sigh.
That was the night Eren looked into her eyes and asked him that question.
Mikasa. What am I to you?
She remembered the way she stuttered on her own words; not because she was scared of admitting the feelings she's had since she was 10, but because at that moment she'd already begun questioning it deep in her own heart. What is Eren to her? Who is he to her now? She loved him, yes, but is he someone she is simply indebted to? Am I in love with Eren for who he is, or do I simply love having someone to protect?
Mikasa never really did end up giving Eren an answer. She couldn't. Even today, she knew she'd still have nothing clear to say.
Another memory began to dawn on her.
As that festive night in Marley with the Scouts continued on, Mikasa drank all of her stresses away. She couldn't tell at the time, but in hindsight, she realized that her wavering thoughts of Eren had already begun to wreak havoc on her already chaotic mind.
Late into the night when Levi, Hange and Onyankapon found herself, Armin, Eren, Connie, Sasha and Jean passed out in the tents after the feast, she remembered opening her drunken eyes to Levi gently holding her in his strong arms, picking her up with strength and ease. Her arms were clutched tightly around his neck, and he was warm, she remembered.
How did I forget this?
Levi carried the hungover woman a whole mile back to her room, without a thought of the others who were passed out — those of whom Hange and Onyankapon had to wake up and deal with on their own. Levi had always gravitated to Mikasa, and at the time he couldn't explain why he instinctively chose to carry her all the way back.
She recalled the moment he opened her door and quietly brought her in. It was a humble and small room; a single bed frame with a mattress that almost seemed too small for a tall woman like Mikasa. She thought harder, digging even deeper into the memory that she was only just remembering, then saw Levi delicately placing her tired head onto the pillow. She quickly tossed and turned in the mattress, then hiccuped in her daze; Levi realized she was amusingly already half-asleep. He scoffed, then spoke in a quiet whisper. "Damn brat. How are you already asleep?" Her black hair was disheveled and covered her pale face, and the enamored man sat beside her and carefully pushed the hair to reveal her sleepy features before slowly moving to leave.
Mikasa's hand suddenly flopped up to take hold of her captain's hand; startled, he tried to cautiously remove his hand from hers, to which Mikasa's surprisingly strong grip tightened before yanking him down to herself, holding him in an embrace. Levi's face fell into the pillow, and he didn't dare touch the woman. She began to speak.
"Leeeviiii... Stay... with me... Ha... Handsome..."
His face flushed. Mikasa began to fall asleep, slowly then all at once as her breaths steadied to an easy rhythm. Her grasp around Levi finally faltered, and the flustered captain delicately peeled himself from her tipsy arms. He stood quickly, his heart beating out of his chest now. Levi blinked at Mikasa smiling in her rest, then silently exited the room after placing a warm duvet atop of the sleeping, beautiful woman.
"Goodnight, Mikasa."
Her gray eyes stayed closed for a moment, holding a deep breath before exhaling.
The vivid image of Captain Levi's gentle, loving smile as he closed the door flashed. It was the last she could remember of that night.
And it was the same gentle smile he gave her every night when they shared tea on the ship to Hizuru.
The cherished memories faded again when she remembered Levi's broken and hurt face as she told him she didn't want him; when she yelled at him to leave.
Mikasa's chest hurt now; there was a deep, aching pain. She missed Levi. She missed him so fucking much. No matter where she looked, no matter what terrible memories of Eren came to her mind, no matter where she was, she thought only of Levi.
Mikasa brought a palm to her heart and slowly gripped the fabric of her shirt in anguish as she squatted to the dirt floor, a sob escaping her frowned lips. Nothing could help this now. She'd pushed Levi away, and she forced him to go back to Paradis. Levi didn't deserve that. But she deserved this loneliness — she deserved to be uncontrollably weeping through her shitty tears in the dark of the night right now. She brought this onto herself.
But did she make the right choice? Was this really what was best? Was she really that selfish? And if it wasn't selfish, should she have just been selfish for once in her damn life?
She held herself in her arms and rocked back and forth, feeling so trapped within herself. Mikasa truly couldn't tell if it would've been more selfish to stay with him, or if it was more selfish to have left and hurt him. Because what a mess Mikasa was right now.
And yet somehow none of that mattered right now. Because right now Mikasa still wanted Levi. She wanted him to stay. Levi was most precious to her. She would give anything to hold him just one more time like that night in the castle.
"Oi. Brat."
Shit... Another daydream, another memory creeping up on her. There were only so many memories of Levi that her frail heart could handle right now. No more... No more.
"You can ignore me all you want, Ackerman. I'm still here."
A low and husky voice sent Mikasa backwards as she fell on her palms in the dirt at the very sight of Levi—actual Levi—squatting on the floor with her. He stood, brushing off his trousers and vest, before reaching out a hand for her to stand.
Her stare revealed her disbelief; mouth agape as leftover tears continued flowing from her still widened eyes. The stunned woman finally hesitantly took his hand, and Levi braced for her to yell at him again, push him—hell, maybe even punch him—for going against her orders to go back to Paradis. Whatever it was going to be, Levi was willing to endure it.
But as he peeked at Mikasa, her scrunched face fell into an even heavier sob than before. She crashed into the safety of his body and threw her arms around his neck, endlessly crying out his name as her face desperately pressed into him. "Levi... Levi, you're here." She clutched on tighter, heaving as she soaked in this feeling of holding him closely once again. The lump in her throat grew. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Levi. This was too much. It was too much without you. Levi, I—"
"Did you really expect me to follow your shitty orders, gloomy brat?" Levi had both arms around her waist, fighting tears of his own. "You can't get rid of me that easily." He closed his eyes. Only the floral scent of Mikasa filled his lungs; a breath of fresh air he'd missed. The sound of her breathing in his arms erased the tiredness of the journey behind him to find the woman he loved.
I want the girl to choose love for once. I want her to hold onto it. And I want you to choose the same.
Kiyomi's words continued to ring in his ears. Levi pulled away from Mikasa for a moment; her alluring face now revealed to him once again. Her eyes were puffy and swollen, her nose was sore and red, and there were tears all over her face. Mikasa withdrew her arms back to herself and covered her face with trembling hands in embarrassment; it was the first time she'd ever felt self-conscious in front of Levi.
Levi took hold of both soft hands and brought them down, caressing them for a moment before raising his right hand to carefully wipe her tears with his calloused thumb. There weren't enough words to describe how beautiful Mikasa looked to him at that moment as she stared back into his eyes; dewdrops of a cry still resting on her long dark eyelashes. Levi placed a gentle palm on Mikasa's pale cheek and began to pull her closer to himself. Her breath hitched, and her eyes began to slowly close.
He planted a gentle kiss on her forehead.
Mikasa...
What am I to you?
At that moment, Mikasa knew she'd have a clear answer if Levi was the one to ask.
AUTHOR NOTES:
Yay! Another chapter in the books!
This chapter, I wanted to focus more on Mikasa's reflections on Eren. She had been deliberating on her feelings/love towards Eren for much longer than we thought.
As memories came back to her in Marley, she discovered that every painful memory of Eren was actually always redeemed by Levi being present. Every moment with Eren still somehow circled back to Levi. The classic "they've been there all along" moment of realization. 3 Mikasa needed that.
I was originally planning on having another full chapter before reuniting these two, but I couldn't help it! I NEED THEM TOGETHER! It's implied that Levi hopped on a plan as fast as he possibly could after his talk with Kiyomi. When he saw that Mikasa had left the scarf, he realized her feelings for Eren really *are* changing, on top of realizing again that his love for Mikasa is unmovable.
Strauss family is coming up... This will be a fun twist on an old OVA side-character.
ALSO?! The gentle forehead kiss ;_; I'm such a simp for a hard-ass like Levi becoming a softie for who he loves.
Enjoy!