Summary:
Levi learns the truth about their Marleyan ally, who has a task for the Paradis soldiers in exchange for a mysterious lead on Eren. Mikasa bitterly faces Levi and asks him for the truth following the night before — she begins to realize that Levi's inner demons are much like her own.
It'd been exactly four years since leaving Wall Maria.
Her wavy red hair blew in the night wind as she recalled her younger days as a lost girl within the walls of the island far away; living for everyone but herself. Paradis seemed like a fever dream — an unfamiliar scene she often forgot about, as though it'd never existed.
At the time, Carly Stratmann had just graduated from university and was excited for the path ahead. Chemistry fascinated her, and a curious gal like her couldn't help but peel back the layers of everything she came in contact with. She remembered dreaming of the future and all the things her mind and talent could create for the world.
That is... Until her father put the burden of the Stratmann family on her shoulders.
Carly sighed a puff of smoke, lowering her cheap cigarette. The days of inventing and producing the addictive Codeine to re-establish the wealth of her bankrupt family was long gone. She recalled the days running around the black market, seeing her customers' health dwindle with each delivery.
But she left. The weight was lifted when she escaped Wall Maria, and it was all thanks to that mysterious soldier who helped her leave. A soldier who saw past her crimes and wanted freedom for a stranger like her. What was her name again...? She was convinced the mysterious blond would leave soon after she did.
The woman threw her cigarette on the stone of the balcony before stepping on it with the heel of her boot. She continued reminiscing.
After leaving Wall Maria, Carly found a humble job at the Reeves Company, distributing food around the towns. Something simple and mindless sounded refreshing to the girl who worked for far too long in the black market, and too many years in the drug business. Flegel Reeves was an interesting man, but the man was still just a man, and he easily took a liking to the woman and her intuitive work. She climbed her way up in the company until it dawned on her that, once again, she was living and working for someone else.
Another burden.
When news of the false King Karl Fritz broke, and the truth of the outside world came to light, Carly was absolutely fascinated. There was nothing more she wanted than to see it for her own eyes; to leave the shitty walls of the island and dream even bigger. And for herself.
It was hard to remember how she managed to find a way to leave Paradis secretly, and it was even harder to remember how she'd convinced Reeves to clear the way for her. But she did it. And she abandoned her old life on a measly boat, finding her way to a secluded shore in a strange yet excitingly new land called Marley.
She pressed the cigarette into her lips and inhaled the calming nicotine as she looked over the town far away from her balcony. Here she was outside the damn island, single-handedly running the most successful global import company, traveling the world whenever she pleased, and establishing a fresh start for herself — under a new name she could finally be proud of:
Carmen Strauss.
And as she peered over her balcony, she saw a woman with hair as dark as the night and a short man approaching her estate from afar.
"Carmen... Who are you?"
Carmen saw the way the short man's eyes widened; a mix of unease, rage and shock at long last. Just what she needed. She stumbled backwards as he shoved her away, a laugh escaped her pursed lips. He was already halfway into the doorway, on his way to the dark-haired girl. "Not surprised you can't recognize her sister."
Levi stopped. His hand stayed gripped onto the handle of the door as he paused in silence. There was a strong feeling of hesitation as he turned and looked at Carmen. Ah... The red hair, amber eyes... It dawned on him.
"...Petra had mentioned her half-sister." He remarked at the revelation. "Carly. The daughter of the Stratmann family funding the Military Branch who disappeared shortly after coming into contact with Annie Leonhart."
"And you are Captain Levi of the Scout Regiment. You've come all the way from Paradis Island in search of Eren Jaeger." She circled around him again, and patted his stunned face. Carmen stopped in his view and stared him in the eyes, closely. This was the first time Levi had seen fury in the woman's eyes as her voice lowered. "Captain Levi, the man in charge of Petra's squadron the day that she was killed."
Levi was silent.
"I know a lot of things, Captain. Years of working in the Underground and the black market of the Walls prove to be quite useful when you're running your own business in the outside world." A mischievous smile arose on the woman's face. "I had to crawl and gnaw my way up. Just like you." She fastened her night robe closely to herself before flicking her cigarette at Levi, who was still processing. The ash made a mark on his shirt.
Levi was usually quick to strategize, quick to speak and adjust with whatever situations in battle he was given. But as he stared at Carmen, Levi could not unsee the face of Petra Ral, and fell to a blank.
The sister's eyes snapped at him. "You Scouts took away my sister. Petra was the only person I loved in that shithole of a place…" She scoffed, looking at him up and down. "Petra raved about you, you know. Told us all about her dreamy captain, that she thought he fancied her. I told her not to get her hopes high with her superior. She was convinced you were her soulmate or something. Then she left with you and..." She paused. "Petra never came back."
"Annie Leonhart, the person you conspired with, was the Titan who killed Petra the next day."
Carmen's eyes bolted onto Levi's now. "You seem quick to deflect any blame, Captain. And now you're here with yet another woman who looks at you the same way my sister did. And now she's in danger, isn't she? I'd be worried about her safety right now, too, dreamboy."
Mikasa...!?
Levi broke into a sweat and his eyes shot to the entrance of the estate. The door had quickly shut from the inside just as he tried to rush in, and a shadow moved beneath the crack of the door. Someone else was in there. Mikasa was in trouble. Carmen stood in front of him now, blocking his way.
"Let me through, Carmen." He punched at the door, the knuckles of his fist digging into the wood just inches close to Carmen's head.
"You can try to kill me, Captain. But if you do, I can't guarantee the girl's safety."
Levi threw his hands around Carmen's neck. She heaved for air through a smirk. "If you want the girl safe," she coughed, "...you're gonna do what I tell you, Captain. We have common goals, after all. The Titan boy."
Their eyes were locked. Levi had all the will and strength to snap the woman's neck where he stood. Mikasa flashed in his mind and his hands withdrew from Carmen, sending her to the door in defeat. She rubbed her neck and coughed to the ground before rising again to smile at Levi. He was furious.
"What do you want, Carmen?"
Carmen's smile grew even bigger as she crawled up to Levi again, her face hovering seductively before his. "You know what I want."
"I'm not gonna fucking sleep with you." He stared straight forward.
She threw her head back in laughter, her reddened neck exposed again. "Sleep with me? Is that what you think I wanted?" She wiggled a finger in front of his face. "I couldn't do that to my dear sister." Her finger pressed onto his lips. "...Even if I maybe wanted to."
Carmen backed away from him once more, bringing a box of cigarettes from her pockets. She lit another one up, placing it between her lips. "What I want is the strength and skill of humanity's strongest." She inhaled and blew a cloud of smoke into Levi's face.
Levi stayed silent. Mikasa kept flashing in his mind, and it took all of himself to not kill Carmen on the spot if it weren't for the threat of Mikasa's safety. But... Is she okay...? She must be. Mikasa is strong. I just need this info.
"The Tybur family. Know anything about them?" She chuckled into her hand. "Willy is a difficult man. Met him soon after I came to Marley, and when I found out he had power here, well, let's say I stuck around. That bastard was the one who funded Strauss Company' early global ventures." Her eyes stared blankly past Levi. "Tybur was the one who found me. Invested in me. Then their doctor took my blood test." Smoke trailed from the cigarette moving down to her waist. Her eyes softened, and her voice lowered. "I didn't pass. They saw me as a devil. And they've used that against me since." She glared at the Paradis man.
"Get to the point. What does any of this shit have to do with us? With Eren Jaeger?" He was pacing.
"Be patient, Levi. Your woman can wait a little longer. She's fine. Come, walk with me."
Carmen unlatched a door behind the estate, leading to a dark stone room with bookcases surrounding the perimeter. She removed a faded red book from one, revealing a keyhole, then handed a lit lantern to Levi. As the key lock clicked, the bookshelf opened forward like a door, revealing yet another small room filled with desks and cabinets of flasks, medicine and tools to make whatever she intended to make. It was reminiscent of Grisha Jaeger's basement, Levi recalled. She took a seat atop the edge of the table, crossing her legs as she sorted through a stack of paper and envelopes in her lap. "Here." She pushed a manila envelope to Levi's chest.
Levi placed the lantern on the table and carefully lifted it open. He flipped through pages of documents signed in ink by a man named Kruger, and something fell from the dusty pages onto the floor. Levi picked it up, revealing a single photograph of a long-haired man with facial hair. The captain's eyes narrowed. The brown sepia tone of the image masked the teal color of the man's eyes, but Levi still managed to recognize the bratty, kickable face of Eren Jaeger. Levi's brows furrowed as he stared. "Where did you—"
"Eren Jaeger joined the Marleyan military under the name Kruger. He was here. Stayed for a week. A damn good kisser, too." She mumbled that last bit under her breath, then rolled her eyes. "Then he disappeared after I forged him those documents to enter the military."
Levi couldn't stop staring at the picture in his hands. What the hell is Eren planning?
"Those Tyburs practically bought out the military branch. Willy's exercising power through them, through Commander Magath. Magath and Tybur have meetings at his office often. And the one who enlisted and is working closely with Kruger is Magath." Carmen scooted forward on the table and patted Levi's shoulder.
"Captain, I want your strength, your expertise. I need you to break into the Tybur palace. And I need you to take everything they have on file for my name and company. Once you bring that back, I'll forget what you did to Petra, and you and your woman can leave."
"How much do you know about Eren Jaeger?" The military man began to grow cautious and aware of the now-Marleyan woman knowing too much about Paradis.
"Are you dense, Captain? Everyone on Paradis knew about Eren, the Titan boy. The hope of Paradis. Quite frankly he was far more popular than humanity's strongest, you know." She teasingly winked at him again. "I believed in the Titan boy myself... Until I saw him hopeless at my doorstep. Figured he escaped and wanted a new start, just like me. And if the hope of Paradis didn't see a future in the walls, neither did I."
She stared at the captain of Paradis. "Look," Carmen placed the stack of papers beside her, then sighed. "At the end of the day, I don't give a shit about this war. What I do give a shit about is the life I've built here away from the walls. If the Tyburs out me, it's over for me. Again."
She stood again, dusting off her nightgown, then turned to Levi. "You can go see her. She's safe; she was never in danger. Seems my housekeeper closed the door at the right time, ha!" She snickered. "Keep your end of the bargain, Captain. If you bail, I'll know. I have eyes and ears all over Marley."
Mikasa laid her head on the pillow, watching moonbeams of the window slowly shift to a faded blue of the breaking dawn. She wasn't asleep — rest was impossible after what happened, and after what she saw. Her back was turned against the fireplace where Levi and her sat hours ago. His words, his gaze… his touch kept repeating in her mind and breaking her heart all over again.
Still, she continued waiting for Levi to come back. Minute by minute. Time was a cruel thing. She tossed and turned, slamming her fists into the padded mattress thinking about Levi with a woman like Carmen.
Rejection wasn't new for Mikasa; but it didn't hurt any less at this moment. Hearing promises made by someone she cared about, only to have it not followed up with action was a stabbing pain. Eren had moved away from her kiss, but told her he'd protect her forever.
I'll wrap that scarf around you as many times as you want. Now and forever.
But the rejection wasn't what bothered her most. This type of heated envy was unknown to Mikasa; the kind of deep-rooted jealousy that continues to gnaw at your bones as the night passes. Even then, the girl still could not even pinpoint that it was jealousy. But if that's what was aching when seeing Levi close with another woman, then...
She threw a palm to her forehead and sighed. She didn't feel like herself at all anymore. Why the hell am I so jealous?
The heartbroken girl finally began to succumb to her exhaustion. Her vision lost focus, heavy eyelids came to a close, and a tear dripped down her cheek onto the pillow.
...
...
The door opened just as she slipped into a slumber.
"Mikasa...?"
Levi paused at the doorway, his heart beating nervously, then caught sight of the resting woman tucked away in her slumber. Her mouth was parted, and her breath was slow and easy despite her furrowed brows. Her hand lay rested on her stomach; the other slumped over the edge of the bed she rested on. He approached her slowly, careful not to make a sound to wake her. There was enough space available to Levi to rest; still he sat on the chair he'd placed beside her side of the bed. A sigh of relief left him. She's safe.
He leaned his arms on his legs and lowered his head into his hands, closing his eyes. He was fucking tired. Exhausted. Mikasa probably was, too, he thought. He lifted his eyes and continued to stare at the breathing woman as he remembered the moments before he retreated from the room; the dream of Mikasa suffering in his hands still haunting him.
But as a man who relied on choices, for the first time Levi felt as though there were no other options for him. It was becoming increasingly harder to keep his distance. The captain thought he had a grip on the situation, but loving Mikasa half-heartedly was proving to be more and more difficult. There was nothing Levi wouldn't do to simply stay with Mikasa.
He delicately swept a tendril of hair off of her face, remembering the last time he did so, and held her hand in his as he fell asleep in his seat.
Mikasa's eyes slowly awakened to the dappled light of morning sun. The room felt warm and gentle. As she rustled in bed, her eyes looked over to find Levi asleep in the chair beside her; her hand was loosely held in his. She shot up from the mattress in shock, withdrawing her hand from his. Angry heat flushed her face and Mikasa looked away, scooting away from a suddenly awakened Levi with widened eyes. She was far too embarrassed and hurt to look at him just yet.
Levi fell backwards into his chair and gulped, blinking incessantly. "Mikasa, you're awake..." He leaned towards Mikasa, putting a hand to her shoulder.
She hit his hand away and glared at him, the depth of her eyes was unnerving. "Don't touch me."
Levi rubbed his eyes, still waking up and still not fully processing the moment. "Eren... Carmen gave us a lead on where Eren is."
"Yeah? I'm sure Carmen gave you more than just a lead, Levi." She didn't even bat an eye at the mention of Eren's name.
"She gave us the information in exchange for—"
Mikasa scoffed. "I don't want to fucking hear it."
Levi's head tilted at her aggression; the dots were finally beginning to connect, but perhaps a few moments too late. "Hold on, Mikasa... You're misunderstanding me. She told me about Eren if I agreed to—"
The blanket was thrown at Levi's face with Ackerman-level of force. Mikasa jumped to her feet and stomped to the window, still refusing to look at the stunned man.
If it were any normal day Levi would have been able to read what Mikasa was thinking, but Levi had barely gotten any rest and was still in a daze. But Mikasa seemed undeniably furious at him; that much he could figure out. He peeled the blanket off of his alarmed face. Levi blinked. Then he glanced to the left, looking at the blackened logs of the fireplace and...
Shit. How did I forget?
Damn his mouth. Levi could see the indelible line of what slipped out and what went wrong. The understanding of the situation dawned on Levi and he slowly walked up to the tempered woman, watching her tensed back with every step he took closer until he stood behind her. He was nervous. Guilty. And for the first time in his life he felt regretful, for leaving Mikasa in the cold of last night. He hated being the reason for the tears he saw falling on her profile. Mikasa still wasn't turning to look at him.
"Mikasa. Please let me explain."
She ignored him. "So what's next? Where are we going? Where is Eren?"
"Please look at me." He stood behind her now, restraining himself from holding her in his arms.
Mikasa took her time before turning to face him, making him wait in painful silence. Her face was red, still stubbornly turned away from him. Mikasa didn't know what to do, what to even think. She felt humiliated even being near him. And he had the gall to tell her she was misunderstanding.
"Mikasa, I'm sorry."
"Then tell me the truth. Yesterday..." Her voice broke and she bit her lip, holding back tears. "Yesterday you suddenly left and..." Her lips held back from did you not want me?
Levi lifted his quivering hands as he hesitated to hold Mikasa by the arms, still begging for her to meet his eyes. "There are so many truths I want to tell you, Mikasa." He was silent for a second. "The first one is that I did not sleep with that shitty woman."
She finally met his eyes. "I saw how you looked at her. Your eyes were glued to her, Levi. You can't expect me to believe you didn't—"
"She's Petra's sister."
"...What?"
"Carmen is from Paradis. Her name was Carly, and she's the older sister of Petra. She blames me for Petra's death. I blame my shitty self for it, too." He breathed deeply, then took a step back. He looked at the woman he loves, and realized she deserved to hear the truth that her eyes were begging for. "Everyone I've ever cared for has died because of me, Mikasa." He glanced down at his hands. "My mother... Farlan, Isabel. Erwin. Petra. I left yesterday because I can't afford to lose you, too."
Levi's downturned eyes shot to the ground; as hard as Mikasa tried to search, she failed to find even a hint of a lie on his face. Levi looked... Scared. Defeated. And if Mikasa knew her captain well enough, she knew there was hardly anything that man had ever been fearful of. She realized this was a side of Levi she'd never once seen in the past five years; she didn't know if anyone had seen this side of Captain Levi.
For the first time, Mikasa was starting to understand that Levi had the same demons as she did. And as she stared at his trembling hands, she realized she shared the same fear, that maybe when he sleeps at night the same nightmares haunt him. Because losing people you cared about was far too great of a pain to maneuver.
There were no more words between the two after the exchange. The gravity in the air felt heavy, and the atmosphere was crushing. The two souls remained too afraid to speak, pushing away the fear of opening wounds that couldn't heal.
Clouds rolled in towards the noon sky; the air felt humid. Carmen was outside the estate holding the lead of a large brown stallion when she noticed her guests approaching. She smirked before meeting Levi and Mikasa, then was taken aback. She bent to look closer at their tired faces. "Damn. You guys look miserable."
Mikasa gave no regard to the red haired woman. She'd been silent the entire time since Levi ended the conversation with those words; his words floated in the air around her.
I can't lose you, too.
"You're welcome. You know, for the stay. And the fresh clothes." Carmen scoffed as Mikasa ignored her. She watched Mikasa's sullen expression gaze at Levi as he walked forward, connecting the dots to the cold front.
As Levi was busy tending to the horse, Carmen approached Mikasa again privately as the dark-haired girl was packing food on the ground. "Hey."
No response.
"Look, I get what's going on. I can see it on your pretty face." Carmen squatted down to Mikasa, trying to make eye contact with her. "Your Captain didn't lay a finger on me, if that's what you're worried about."
Mikasa wrapped the sack of food and threw the container of water into a satchel. Still no word.
"Mikasa. That's your name right?" Carmen put a hand on her shoulder and Mikasa finally paused. "He couldn't stop mentioning it. I know a loyal man when I meet one. Guy's a man of his word, isn't he?" Mikasa finally slowly turned to face her, still not meeting her amber eyes. "That right there is a man in love. No one could get him in bed with them if they tried. I'm not the woman he wants, Mikasa." Carmen cackled as she walked away.
I'm not the woman he wants, Mikasa.
Mikasa's eyes finally looked up; her face finally softened now. She watched as Levi walked up to the horse, re-adjusting the head collar rope and the seating on the horse and gently petting its head. Before setting off on any mission, big or small, he would share one moment to stare into the eyes of the horse and regard its life before it led them to danger. You'd never really expect it of a man like Levi, but he loved animals, and Mikasa had always found that endearing.
Still as cautious as can be, the bitter jealousy she tried so hard to harbor began to dissipate as a small smile rose on his face as he spoke to the horse. Simply watching Levi brought Mikasa back to her default state. She felt like she could finally breathe a bit again. Something stirred in her heart.
Suddenly Levi turned and gazed at her from afar. Their eyes remained locked for a moment until her blushing face turned away. Her lungs felt tight, and she peeked at him again after he tended to the horse once more. The man looked exhausted and tired, yet... honest and true. The gentleness in his eyes that Mikasa was always enamored by was there once again; not that it ever really went away.
She realized any man would have given his night away to Mikasa or Carmen. But the red-headed woman was right; Levi was a man of his word, and a loyal one at that. Levi was respectful, and perhaps she's taken for granted how often he's put her before even himself. She watched Levi slowly hop onto the back of the horse, extending a gentle hand to Mikasa. Her heart fluttered as she took his hand and hoisted her up to himself, bringing her nervous arms around his waist.
The loving light she'd always seen in Levi's eyes was starting to reflect and illuminate in her own eyes. That same comfort in her eyes every time she looked at him rose in her heart. Her cold heart was beginning to crave his warmth, and more of it. Her arms wrapped tighter around Levi, and the scent of his skin flooded her.
"Remember, lovebirds. The Tyburs return to their palace in three days. I'll be waiting. Then you can find Kruger."
Levi nodded to Carmen, then turned his chiseled profile to Mikasa. "You ready?"
Mikasa took a deep breath and exhaled. "I'm ready."
She was determined to set out on whatever road was ahead of her and Levi.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Phew! Lots going on! This took me longer than I wanted, but I really wanted to make sure everything was communicated well enough. :) Thank you for your patience!
So! CARMEN! Aka Carly Stratmann! Remember her from the Lost Girls OVA?! She was one of my fave side characters because she's badass, independent and she already had a well fleshed-out story, but I wanted to give her even MORE story. Essentially, in the canon story, the Stratmann family was a powerful and rich family within the walls. Here, she is Petra's half-sister (same mother).
She was hella flirtatious with Levi but it was only to try to draw weakness from him. She has a grudge against him for many reasons: one being she blames Petra's death on his leadership, and she uses that + her knowledge that he's from Paradis, AND his goal of finding Eren to bribe him into serving her by breaking into the Tybur palace. In the end, she's not a villain. She just wants to protect her life in Marley, at the cost of using Levi and Mikasa.
Now where is Levi at right now? He's a mess lol. He hates that he had to reject Mikasa the night prior. He wants to protect her from himself, but he also wants to be with her - his loving need to be with her is slowly starting to outweigh his fears and he's wrestling with this. He indirectly told Mikasa that she is important to him, and he doesn't want to lose her.
Now Mikasa. She's starting to piece together how Levi really feels. Tbh she's stunned af that he didn't sleep with Carmen lol. This whole time she's seen him as just a general loving human, that perhaps he just cared deeply about her as a comrade, and that has already affected her enough. But she's starting to understand oh shit, "is Levi romantically in love with me? And am I in love with him? Why am I jealous? I want him to want ME AND ONLY ME?" LOL. We are still waiting for Mikasa to fully realize the depth of what she is feeling for Levi, but she's already beginning to press into accepting that affection.
Now they're off to the Tybur palace, and the road to Eren is nearing. WHAT WILL HAPPEN
Let me know your thoughts on this chapter! It was heavy on some development pieces, but I hope you still enjoyed! My favorite part was Levi not joining Mikasa in bed; but pulling up a chair to sit next to her and hold her hand as they slept... :') And Mikasa being smitten with Levi being a softie with the horse!