Summary: Being forced to slow down and rest has never been easy for the two soldiers. At long last, Levi and Mikasa have time to reflect during recovery. Mikasa seeks clarity before reuniting with Eren, who is close at hand.

Notes: One word: ACKERTALK

The light patter of droplets crashing onto the ground outside of the windows made the hospital seem relaxing for a slow moment. Levi stared as raindrops formed small streams of water trickling down the glowing glass of the window. Full of injured men in the middle of the war-stricken walls of Marley, the hospital claimed to be the quietest and somehow most peaceful environment that the man had been in for weeks since sipping chamomile tea with Mikasa on the boat ride to Hizuru.

How he craved for more peaceful moments like that with her. A soldier can only dream.

Levi slowly turned his head expecting a sharp pain from his injured shoulder, but the pleasant surprise of a dulled ache replacing the throbbing pain he'd just gotten used to was a damn relief.

He turned again to his other side and his eyes fell upon his comrade in her slumber. Mikasa was slumped beside him; her hand lay on his as her cheek rested atop the cotton blanket across his stomach. Her skin was covered in a layer of dirt; streaks of yesterday's tears made shapes on her face. He lovingly watched, relieved at the gentle way her shoulders moved as she breathed through her dreams. The woman who saved him, bandaged him, and brought him to safety — even at the cost of throwing away her own safe escape — was resting.

There was no space in the man's heart that moment to even think about where they were and what was next, how the hell to get back home, and what the rest of their plans were.

Because screw all the plans, anyway. Waking up in a hospital and barely escaping death was never in the plans for Levi.

Neither was Mikasa Ackerman kissing him in the dark.

He inhaled deeply.

There hadn't been enough time or safety to stop to think of it. Levi had always been sure of his feelings for Mikasa; he simply expected the gloomy brat to unendingly be in love with Jaeger — she always had been. So what had been stirring between them caught him by total surprise.

Not the nature of it, but... something else.

In his eyes, for he and Mikasa to have approached each other that night by the fireplace and in the dark of the palace was likely nothing more than just two depraved humans in need and wanting of another. After all, in a time of war for a soldier, it was expected to be sexually depraved — Captain Levi understood this most of all. But this was not the surprising part of it.

The captain's mind ran wild as he remembered the way Mikasa leaned forward to gently kiss him; a touch much more affectionate and intimate than any other they had shared. It was the sure look in her eyes after the kiss that shook Levi to his very core.

A knot formed in his stomach.

Levi knew he couldn't hold onto any of it so tightly; after all, the moment Mikasa would face Eren again, anything that has stirred between them will simply... dissipate. He knew that moment was coming. There's no way in hell the woman would let go of her love for Eren.

Still, Mikasa looked at him with eyes of someone surely in love.

But she deserves more than what another man like himself could give her, he thought. He didn't want Mikasa to fall in love with another shitty guy who would be too busy with war. He didn't want her to replace painful love with yet another one. He had no business of thinking anything was sure between them, and he sure as hell didn't want to be a temporary replacement in Mikasa's heart in Eren's absence.

He didn't have the slightest clue of what he'd do or how he'd act once Mikasa would awaken.

Mikasa's hand suddenly twitched in her slumber. Her brows furrowed; a quiet groan and rhythmic short breaths escaped her parted lips. Perhaps these were violent dreams — who knew what kind of nightmares haunted that woman at night? Levi sighed. At the end of the day, they were both fighting their fears and demons together.

He slipped his hand from beneath Mikasa's, and rested his palm against her head, gently caressing her short hair. Levi watched as her face relaxed again, her breath slowed with his simple touch.

...If only it was that easy to take away your pain, brat.

He looked above him, staring at the dangling light fixtures that shone in their lone recovery room. The IV bag continued dripping to his left as the machine beeped to the rhythm of his beating heart. On the side table, a rolled up newspaper lay beside a lamp. Levi rustled in the sheets carefully, reaching over to the paper. The crisp pages opened, revealing the date he needed to confirm: a mere five days before the boat to Hizuru leaves.

"Levi?" Mikasa awoke to the rustling of the newspaper in his hands. She gradually sat up, rubbing her eyes of a sandman's remnants with the back of her hand as Levi lowered the paper to his side.

"Hey."

The two shared a warm smile. Mikasa's hair dangled down her profile as she looked at Levi; both could see the wave of relief on each other's faces. Levi observed the way Mikasa's groggy eyes slowly started to wake with the sun; her heavy eyelids blinked a few times before trying to piece together sleepy words. "Levi, Eren... Eren is here. He's at this hospital. Colt found out he'll be here for the next four days. We need to see him," She rose from her seat, already trying to be on the move like the soldier she is — yet still sluggish in her movements.

Levi grabbed her wrist, urging her to stay. Mikasa paused, turning to the recovering man as he slowly sat up from his pillow.

"W-wait, Levi," she moved back, trying to urge him to lay back down, "You shouldn't move ye—"

Before she could say another word, Levi wrapped his arm around her in a much needed embrace, ignoring the ache of the stitches on his back. His eyes closed to her scent; her silky hair pressed against his neck. "Don't go yet, Mikasa."

The thought of Mikasa returning to Eren, and everything between them disappearing the moment she sees him again, forced Levi to grab her without thinking. Finding Eren was their mission, he reminded himself. It's not like he could ask her to not return to Eren. This was simply what they needed to do.

Still, he couldn't control himself from his temporary selfishness.

"Stay like this for a moment."

Mikasa blinked. Her blushing face began to relax onto his shoulder, and her arms slowly began to wrap around his bare back. She was careful not to touch the stitches and IV wires. Humanity's strongest seemed... delicate. His skin felt warm to the touch again; a relieving contrast to his ice cold skin after he was shot.

But he was alive. He was well.

Maybe Eren can wait a moment longer.

A nurse knocked on their door.

Mikasa flew backwards from Levi as the nurse arrived; her face bright red as Levi slowly blinked at the nurse who approached with a cart of food and a clipboard. She greeted the two before running through papers and operation details.

Your operation went well.

He must take it easy for three weeks.

Colt Grice already signed you off.

The nurse prepared a metal tray of food on Levi's bed containing a whole sliced apple, rice porridge with a hard-boiled egg on the side, and a cup of cold water. On any normal given day, it would look measly. But having not eaten much in god-knows-how-long, it tasted like a damn five-course meal of Stohess. Levi scooted the tray of food between him and Mikasa to share as he stuffed his face of porridge. The nurse continued the questionnaire.

"Do you smoke?"

"No." He took a bite of a crisp slice of apple.

"Do you drink regularly?"

"No." Swallowed a few spoonfuls of porridge.

"Do you have family health issues?"

"Unknown." A gulp of water.

"Are you currently sexually activ—"

Levi choked on his water, mouth accidentally spraying into his hands. Mikasa coughed up a chunk of apple that hit the back of her throat. Levi wiped his chin off of the dripping water with a napkin while Mikasa turned her awkward face away.

"...I'll take that as a yes?"

Both soldiers frantically responded at the same time.

"YES—" Levi's mind went rampant. The nurse needs to believe that they're married.

"NO—" Mikasa's mind went rampant. She was simply being honest.

The two awkwardly stared at each other with widened eyes. Levi finally spoke up on behalf of them, resorting to their default story. "We... Just got married a few weeks ago."

"Ah I see, newlyweds!" The nurse held in a shy laugh. "Well, we do unfortunately ask that you stray away from any, um, strenuous physical activities for two weeks. You'll have limited arm movements, but you should be happy your wife will be able to help you take baths or wheel you outdoors if you need some sun." She looked to Mikasa, pointing her pen at the nearby wash basin, clothes and towels, then to the right at a wheelchair. "Rest up and you'll be able to be discharged in one week."

"A week?" Levi interjected. He slowly rested back onto his pillow. His eye contact with Mikasa let him know they were both worrying about the boat they needed to take in just five days.

"One week, Mr. Ben," she began checking his pulse and switching out the IV bag. "Considering your wounds and the condition you were in, there is no need to rush you out. Take this time to rest — both of you. Mr. Grice asked us to take special care of you." The nurse wrote numbers down on paper before politely nodding to both of them and exiting the room. A few moments of silence were followed by the quiet giggles of gossip amongst the other nurses outside of the door at the shy newly married couple.

Mikasa and Levi awkwardly stayed quiet, fumbling with their fingers while waiting for the staff to leave the premises before they could freely talk again. Levi spoke up with a dulled voice. "We have to leave today if we want to make it back on time."

"Are you kidding? Levi, at least give yourself two days to rest. We'll... We'll figure it out. We always do."

"We'll leave after we find Eren by tomorrow. But if we can't find him, Mikasa, our time is running out and we need to leave. You said he's here — are you sure?"

"There's no mistake. The soldier who helped us knows a Kruger here from the military. Same injuries from what Magath mentioned. I know he's here." Levi watched as Mikasa reached for her neck, her fingers slightly fumbled around as she realized there was no longer a scarf to hold.

Levi remembered Mikasa wrapping it around his wounds in the forest. Worried, he glanced down to himself and around the bed, wondering where the hell the scarf went.

"They threw it away, by the way." She chuckled. These weeks traveling alone together made it much easier for Mikasa to read the mind of her captain. "It was time, right? You've always called it filthy, captain."

"It was fucking disgusting." The corner of his lips lifted as he poked fun at the woman, who mirrored his smirk. He breathed in a deep sigh again, smelling the musk on his skin before glancing over at the large wash bin and clothes. "Speaking of disgusting... I need a goddamn bath."

Mikasa's playful face scrunched as she pinched her nose in agreement.

"Fucking funny." Levi pushed off of his uninjured arm off of the bed and swung his body; his legs now dangling over the edge of the bed. Mikasa blushed and turned away as he threw off the sheets, revealing her captain dressed in only underwear. In her peripherals she could see him attempting to stand on his weakened legs, which hadn't been mobile for over a day. She shook off her flustered face and rushed in to help him up. Levi brushed off her help for a moment as he kept trying to stand. "I'm good."

"You need help."

"Come on. I'm in my damn prime, Ackerman." He was being smug now. Maybe a bit flirty. "And contrary to popular belief, I'm not old."

"Don't be prideful, old man. I can help." She returned the sarcasm.

Levi stumbled and fell into Mikasa's arms, and both blushed nervously. Normally Levi would continue to refuse the help. But as prideful a man as he was, he was also humbled enough to realize his physical weakness at that moment.

And if he was being honest, he just wanted a bath and didn't really care at this point.

Mikasa helped him towards the basin. As soon as he was able to stand on his own in front of it, she went down to feel the temperature of the water. Cold. Levi weighted his good arm on her shoulder as he stepped into the water hitting his thighs, his muscles tensed at how ice cold it felt.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Mikasa looked puzzled. "Y-you need to... take that off." Mikasa's widened eyes quickly glanced down at his underwear before shooting up to the ceiling, eyes wandering around everywhere and anywhere but to Levi. Her heartbeat was racing now.

"It's fine. There's a whole new set of clothes for me there." He pointed to the shelving beside the basin. "Unless you want me to it this off."

Mikasa immediately threw the bar of soap at him, hitting his forehead hard before it plopped into the basin of water at his feet and floated. She stomped away and stood by the door, tempted to run out.

"Kidding." A teasing smile lifted on his face as he slowly and carefully lowered himself into the water, careful not to submerge too deep for the sake of his recovering wound. He hissed through his teeth as he neutralized to the cold. "Would I be an ass to request for more help from you after that?" His injured arm was still pulled close to himself.

Face still bright red, Mikasa sighed and finally turned to approach him again, an embarrassed smirk on her face still. She smacked him once more on the head with a washcloth from the stash of towels before taking a seat outside of the basin. They shared a sweet laugh.

Mikasa dipped the cloth into the water and rubbed soap into it before helping wash down his bare back, careful to not go near his stitches. She moved around him, now in his line of view. Levi watched as she lovingly wiped his face clean; his forehead, caressing the cloth over his cheek and jawline. Levi watched her pink lips form the faintest hint of a smile on her slightly blushed face. Her eyes never met his gaze; she was far too busy admiring his features as she encountered them in the daylight.

There was something calming about nurturing someone she cared about, Mikasa thought. She'd never thought of herself as a motherly type, though Eren would often throw that at her as an insult when they argued. In fact, she hated being called motherly by him; she never wanted to be seen as anything other than an equal partner to someone she loved. She continued washing Levi — soapy water trickled from his neck, down his chest and muscles. It was just as soothing to her as it was to him.

Mikasa blinked again, catching sight of the countless scars all over Levi's battle-stricken body. The thought of yet another scar added to the collection due to him saving her life made her feel guilty. She placed the washcloth down beside her; her fingers traced each risen scar, every scratch. Levi caught the sudden pity that flooded her eyes, and he turned away embarrassed.

Mikasa's hand found his cheek, pulling him to meet her eyes as she looked at him with understanding. "It must've been... lonely. Having to endure so much on your own." She brushed his wet dark hair back with her fingers. Levi felt as though he could melt into her touch.

He placed a gentle finger on the scar of her cheek. "Could say the same to you."

She brushed hair behind her ear. "I've... always had Eren, and Armin. It was never lonely for me," she paused, trying really hard to convince herself. She made her way back behind Levi, now rubbing the soap throughout his hair, massaging his tresses before slowly pouring water to wash it out as he leaned his back to look at her.

"I don't know, brat. I know what it's like being a damn Ackerman. I know it's the same for all of us." A bitter smile lifted onto his face as he paused. He wiped his face of dripping water as he sensed Mikasa listening attentively to his words now. "People are always afraid of us. Of this... strength. They're afraid, so they make us live and fight for them like a damn lackey. We always outlive them, always have to be strong—"

"And when you're not," Mikasa sighed, "They leave." She looked away for a moment, holding his arm in her hands. "Like our strength is the only thing that gives us value to them."

Levi gulped. Kenny's last words haunted him once more; everyone is a slave to something. As a child in the Underground, Levi clung onto getting stronger and stronger because it was the only thing that gave his life value and meaning. And he didn't know what would happen if he didn't embrace strength. He was a slave to it. Without it, perhaps he was nothing.

Mikasa felt the same about herself.

"Levi," Mikasa fiddled with her fingers and looked towards the window. "Have you ever wished that you weren't an Ackerman? That you didn't have to be the strongest?"

"...All the damn time." He lifted a hand from the water, letting it drip down his forearms. "Being put on a pedestal is shitty. It makes even the people closest to us stop treating us as human."

Mikasa recalled her nights of insomnia passing through the halls late at night, and catching Captain Levi sipping tea alone while everyone went to sleep. In hindsight, the Scouts and other higher-ups were all too afraid to approach and spend time with Levi — even when they weren't on an active mission.

Then she remembered the nights she was left alone in the mess hall during training days. Even someone as close to her as Eren would constantly be intimidated by her strength.

Two lonely people together didn't feel so lonely.

"To be fair, Captain, I've never put you on a pedestal. You've always been just an insufferable shorty to me." A sly smile rose on her face. Mikasa wrung the washcloth, folding it in her hands before placing it on the edge of the bin.

"And that's what I needed. You're the only one who has ever treated me as equal, Mikasa."

Mikasa wanted to return the same words to him. In all her years, it was a sigh of relief to be around someone who was considered stronger than herself; someone like Levi who wasn't afraid of her strengths, but celebrated it.

"Of course, you were a pain in the ass at first. But at least now I know you don't just listen to me because you were scared of your shitty captain." Levi playfully splashed some water towards Mikasa, making her giggle for a second. "Anyway, look at me, Ackerman." Levi chuckled at his injured state and nudged Mikasa. "I'm not Paradis' strongest anymore. You are."

Mikasa's smile dropped to a frown. "But I don't want us Ackermans to just be known as the strongest. I don't want to compete with anyone for the title. I'm tired of us just being seen as weapons." She stood from her seat, scooting her chair backwards as it screeched against the floors. "We're more than just that, aren't we?"

She was pacing now. "Thousands of years of our clan deserved to live normal lives. My parents deserved a normal life. Your mother did, too." She stopped again. The sight of a vase of lavender flowers warmly reminded her of her mother's gardens long ago. "...I wanted a normal life."

The sound of droplets falling from the ends of his hair dripped to the water below and echoed. Levi stared at her again. He had no words, and she said it all. Mikasa, much like himself, was robbed of a precious childhood, grew up without her parents, forced into war, and has since then been finding her value in being a tool of strength for anyone and everyone but herself. Just like himself, she didn't know who she could be outside of her strength.

But maybe for now, they could discover that together.

"And what would be a normal life for Mikasa Ackerman?"

"I... don't know. I've never had the luxury of dreaming." She continued staring at the flowers in a trance as her voice lowered again. "Just a life where I don't have to be the girl worth a hundred soldiers, I guess." Mikasa closed her eyes, a quiet dream of hers forming in her mind that she'd never had the luxury to imagine. Levi saw peaceful pictures forming behind her closed lids. "Maybe somewhere quiet... The countryside? Building gardens... And a farm, just the way my parents wanted."

Levi smiled. "In Hizuru?"

"No," she scoffed and opened her eyes again while pausing. Mikasa clasped her hands and slowly turned to Levi, leaning closer towards him. A blush formed as she stared into Levi's eyes, full of intention but too full of fear to say what was trapped in her breath. "I'd... want to stay near the people I love." The tension in their lungs grew tight as they looked at each other.

Levi snapped out of it and cleared his throat as he looked to the hospital wall in front of him, grabbing a towel on the edge of the basin. "Doesn't seem like Jaeger could handle the farm life, though."

Mikasa paused, her fists clenched tight as she held back her words and swallowed. She knew if she tried to clarify, it would begin a conversation with Levi she was far too afraid to even start. She grabbed the towel from Levi's mobile hand and helped him up. "Well what about you, Levi? What's your dream life after this war?"

"Given the gloomy fact that I never expect myself or anyone to see the next day," he slowly stood from the water, "I've never really thought of it, either."

Mikasa stood again in front of him, a bit upbeat in her pace as she helped him out of the bath. "Oh come on, Levi. Think of it. Tea shop? Big house? What is the Captain Levi's dream life? What would make you happiest?

Mikasa's smile turned huge — there was something about imagining everyone living safe and happy lives that gave her newfound excitement and inspiration. He watched as Mikasa threw the towel around his shoulders and enclosed him in it, lifting it to gently pat his head dry. She was a beautiful blooming flower in the hellhole of his life.

"What would make me happiest, huh...?"

His words slowed as he continued lovingly staring at Mikasa in a daze. If he could answer her honestly, all he wanted was for her to live and lead a happy life of the dreams she was spilling to him now. If he could know for sure that Mikasa Ackerman could have that damn cottagehouse farm and garden she dreamt of, then a measly gunshot and this damn war was worth the price for her to experience the happiness she well deserves — whether or not he would be part of her future... whether or not it would be Eren or another man who got to love her closely. Something bitter grew in his heart.

Never good with words, Levi leaned forward and slowly kissed Mikasa, wrapping her in the towel covering his damp shoulders. "I want to stay close to the people I love, too, Mikasa."

She pulled back, staring at Levi's softened eyes for a moment as he spoke again.

"Maybe the last of our cursed clan just needs to stay close when all of this is over."

The outside air felt cool on their skin. For a shabby part of the inner walls of the Internment Zone, the courtyard gardens of the hospital were stunning; bushes of flowers surrounding a single fountain that was mossed over. The blooms were at their peak, just like the purple flowers Mikasa had seen inside of Levi's hospital room. She lifted her hand from Levi's wheelchair handles and wiped her forehead of a few sprinkles of rain that landed on her.

It had just stopped raining not too long ago, but the need to be outdoors and away from an inside space made sense if they wanted time to figure out their plans and scan the area. Mikasa glanced down at her bandaged Captain who was scanning every possible escape in his mind.

For Mikasa, her mind was busy with their kiss just moments ago.

I'd... want to stay near the people I love.

Mikasa's eyes wandered the hundreds of windows that surrounded them; the mere fact that Eren could be in any one of the rooms was... not as exciting or relieving as she expected it to be. If Mikasa was honest with herself, she realized at that moment that she'd rather continue resting in that courtyard with Levi than reunite with Eren, who abandoned her a month ago. There was a reason she was fine with stalling.

"Mikasa?" Levi's voice brought her back to reality. "Is everything okay?"

"Levi," she moved from behind and stood before him, "I'm going to see Eren today. And I'd like to go alone. There's... a lot I need to tell him in private."

Levi pressed his lips in a hard line and looked away.

"But before I do," Mikasa took a nervous and close step towards Levi, "I need to know." She placed her palm on Levi's cheek and stared at the man's lips before meeting his orbs once again. There was something painful and fearful in his eyes as he looked at her, as if wordlessly begging for her to not speak further.

I want to stay close to the people I love, too, Mikasa.

"What am I to you, Levi?" Mikasa despised those words, for they were tainted with heavy memories. But she needed to know.

Something broke inside of Levi's heart. To ask him such a question before going back to Eren again — and before everything between them would disappear — was simply pointless.

"...You are my most trusted comrade." He reached for Mikasa's hand on his cheek and gently returned it to her own side.

"Is that all that you can say?"

"What else is there to say, Ackerman?" He shifted in his wheelchair and shook his head in defeat. "You're finally going to see the guy you love. That's why we came all the way here, right? Why concern yourself with any of this?"

"Because it's important to me, Levi." Mikasa took a deep breath; her lungs felt as though they were burning. "I need to know."

"Mikasa. You're about to see Jaeger and—"

"This isn't about him! This is about these weeks... The night at the estate, at the Tybur's... The times we've kissed." Mikasa could've been angry with him — for deflecting, ignoring her sincere questions. But there was still something gentle in her soul. It didn't feel right to grow angry with Levi. "I just need to know. I want to know before I see Eren again. I want us to be honest with each other."

"I am honest, Mikasa. It's all fucking meaningless. You're still in love with him."

"And what if I'm not?"

"You can't expect me to believe that."

"But what if... What if I don't love Eren anymore?" She threw her fists down at her sides and stepped back slowly, turning away from Levi. Her fists clenched. "God, what if I actually hate him, Levi?" Her voice finally broke. Mikasa was speaking aloud to herself at this point. She realized maybe she was afraid to face Eren knowing she wasn't in love with him anymore, after all. "...Do I not love him anymore?"

Levi looked to the sky and cooled down. "I can't be the one to answer that for you, Mikasa." He glanced over to her once more, noticing her wiping tears from her eyes before reaching for her hand once more. "...But I'll still be here when you find your answer. And when you do have your answer, I'll tell you mine."

Levi continued holding the crying woman's hand and carefully stood from his wheelchair, closing the gap between them.

"What I can tell you now, Ackerman, is that your value doesn't depend on what answer you have after today." Mikasa turned and met his eyes as she soaked in his words. "You could get married to the fucking guy tonight, and you'll still be the most amazing person I'd ever known."

Mikasa pressed into him in an embrace; it seemed as though this affection was becoming more normal for them — though Levi could never take these moments with the woman he loved for granted.

Just as he began closing his eyes to embrace her, Levi found a strange silhouette in a window watching over them. It peeled away from view just as soon as he caught sight of them.

"Eren."

AUTHOR'S NOTES

(P.S. I am just learning on that author's notes simply go in the body of the text. I haven't gotten to upload all of my author's notes for the first half of the story, I apologize! I will continue to add as I revise for ! The notes I will include are what is posted on my AO3!)

*screaming*

God. What is there to say?

It took Mikasa coming face to face with Eren to fully - and I mean FULLY - realize her love for Levi. This entire time, she was holding on to this familiarity of loving Eren for so long, out of obligation, etc. But she finally got to face him again after experiencing so much with Levi, and she realizes that what she felt with Eren pales in comparison to everything she feels currently for Levi. She can finally put a name to what she's been feeling for Levi.

Just a beautiful and lovely redemption.

If you're familiar with the canon story, Eren at this point is just dead set on his own mission (as usual). To him, he's not being selfish - he's doing all this to save his people. Here, he asked Mikasa to stay with him only because he wanted her strength to aid him. But as we know from ackertalk, Levi and Mikasa are tired of being asked to be weapons for others. For Mikasa to tell Eren 'no' speaks volumes that she can no longer be dragged around by him anymore.

Realistically, she was tempted to stay. Tempted to leave it all because it was a chance to FINALLY be loved by Eren. But she realized she didn't want that anymore.

So freeing, right? That's what Mikasa deserved.

She was ready to go back to Levi; to face him now that she knows she loves him.

But, as usual - Ackercurse and all - something happened. What will happen to Mikasa and Levi now?

Let me know your thoughts y'all! I hope this chapter feels precious to you!

(Fun fact: remember when I'd mentioned that Kyo Sohma inspired my characterization of Levi in this story? Kyo's realization that he loves Tohru is directly mirrored in Mikasa's realization of love here. I hope it crushes your heart in the best way. Shout out to all the Fruits Basket lovers out there!)