"And then you close your eyes and fall back, and I catch you!"
Normally seeing Gon so excited wanting to do something, especially with him, would make Killua's heart pitter-patter in his chest; with how Gon's hazel brown eyes lit up with excitement, his arms outward, a smile pressed up against his cheeks, from ear to ear, how he lightly bounced on his feet...
Instead, it makes his heart sink, and his muscles tense, arms drawing inward, closer to his body, and he goes still. Beautiful sapphire hues look anywhere but the light Gon radiates, and he digs his nails into porcelain palms.
"I promise it'll be fun, Killua! Aunt Mito never let me fall! And I won't let you either!"
He wonders if Gon sensed his discomfort, even though he had tried to not show it on surface level, instead, only in ways Gon wouldn't notice. He kept a slight smile on his face the whole time and occasionally darted his eyes back up so Gon knew he was listening, invested, and okay with his idea. Because if it makes Gon happy, then Killua doesn't care about himself.
"I already told you, Gon. I'm fine."
Liar.
He tilts back on his heels, giving the best genuine smile he can because it's hard not to smile when Gon looks so happy anyway.
He turns his back to Gon as if to prove a point, closing his eyes and tugging his arms up to his shoulders, digging perfectly pale, long digits into his white t-shirt.
He hates it. It feels so restrictive, he wouldn't have the time to catch himself even with his reflexes.
It's fine, Killua. You've been through pain way worse than simply falling on the floor.
But...
It's so dark and frightening, and Killua's not sure if Gon has even given him the go-to because Gon's bright voice is drowned out by the cold that seeps through his bones, making him shiver. His chest constricts in panic, and his heartbeat is rampant, distantly ringing in his ears.
It hurts.
He hates it here.
He's scared.
He doesn't want to be here anymore.
Please.
Dark.
Dark.
He can't breathe!
He can't!
"Killua!"
A gasp of air fills his lungs, bright white flashing in his eyes as they snap open in terror, pain stabbing at his knees, making him look down in confusion.
When did he get on the floor...?
Pure crimson was scrapped against his knees, and skin had even broken in spots. Still, he's too focused on getting air back into his lungs, hands tugging at the collar of his turtleneck, lungs choking, and he sucks in a gulp of air, after gulp, until his vision dances and his hands fall unceremoniously into his lap.
He doesn't stop until he is drawing in semi-normal breaths, until his lungs don't feel like they are being pushed underwater. His glazed-over glassy eyes look down at his lap, tremors shaking from his shoulders all the way down to his clammy hands.
"You're still scared."
Killua's focus jolts, and he all of a sudden becomes conscious of the warmth on his back, running featherlight gentle touches of comfort, stinging heat pooling from eyes and slipping down cheeks. He is now acutely aware of the presence beside him and how sad that voice had sounded.
Gon... Gon... I'm sorry... no...
Please... don't be sad.
"G-Gon... I'm sorry, it's not your fault; I'm just being stupid, so don't worry."
Killua tries to make his voice shake as little as possible, keep it calm and collected. Anything to help Gon feel better.
He tugs his arm up weakly to try and drag his dark blue sleeve under his eyes, only for his wrist to be grabbed, and he lets out a gasp of air, recoiling. Killua slowly looks up, seeing a wave of fierce anger burning in Gon's eyes mixed with resolve.
"You are not stupid."
He says it so seriously with such a look on his face, Killua almost wants to burst out laughing; Gon was always so...
But he's stopped when he feels the pad of Gon's thumb wipe underneath one eye and then the other, leaving his face burning, the lingering touch imprinted in his mind. He looks up, and his breath hitches; Gon is wearing that same expression, but he can see every tiny freckle across his golden skin and the way the light toyed with the honey of his eyes, making them even brighter...
...So close...
Gon lets out a small giggle at how Killua's long dark eyelashes flutter over his deep pools of ocean blue, cherry red, painting a pretty picture across his features.
The other boy quickly turns his head away, letting his silver locks of hair cascade into his eyes further.
Gon tugs his fingers to Killua's chin, tilting his head to him. Before Killua can protest or snatch his hand away, he smashes their lips together.
It's a mess, and if Killua hadn't already been deprived of oxygen before he was now, his breath taken away the moment their lips collide. And their teeth end up smashing together, and they both wince at that, and, and Gon is so warm.
God. He is always so warm.
And part of Killua wants this to never end; the other doesn't even believe it's happening. It lasts no longer than a few seconds before Gon pulls away, leaving Killua panting, and flushed red.
There's an odd lingering taste of fish; Gon must've been out in the woods earlier...
"I don't want to make you cry ever again."
Killua's eyes go wide, and he has to clutch his hand near his chest to make sure his heart is still in there with how it is pounding against his ribcage.
He can't look Gon in the eyes if he sees how determined he is... simply hearing it in his voice makes his heart skip so many beats; Killua is unsure how it still continues.
"Don't be stupid, Gon..." He turns his head down, mumbling, cheeks flushing pink.
"Y-You make me happy, you idiot. Not sad..."
The air changes instantly, and while Killua is dying in a pool of embarrassment, Gon's somber determination changes into unparalleled joy; his hearing was good enough to catch what Killua had said, no matter how softly the other boy had spoken it.
His eyebrows shoot up, cheeks pinching upward into one of the largest grins he has ever had, and he exclaims really loudly...
"Really? I'm so happy! You love me too!"
And he scoops Killua up in his arms, and the boy screeches for more than one reason, digging his fingers into Gon's closest arm near his shoulder.
Loves me...? Too? ...Too?
Killua's mind breaks, and he starts to sputter.
"Wh-what!? I didn't... I didn't say I loved you!"
Gon looks down at the former assassin, grin ever still apparent, and he beams, even more, when speaking.
"You didn't need to!"
Killua squawks and stammers, but he can't get any words out; his sheet pale skin would probably be burned beet red permanently after this, or, so he thinks. And he buries his face into Gon's chest, ignoring how the other boy is laughing and stomping down the stairs way too loudly. Geez. He lets out a huff of air, closing his eyes, feeling the ever-present warmth Gon radiates, making him feel safe.
"Stupid."