Disclaimer: I'm not entirely happy with how this turned out. Partly because I'm unsure if I nailed Kiara's personality down or not, and partly because I'm not particularly pleased with how I've told more than I've shown. Eh, hopefully, it's not too bad. I'm already mostly done with the next chapter, so that should make up for it.
They're already standing at the church doors. These two very different people, brought together by fate, are now preparing to cross the threshold and accept whatever awaits them. Not yet. Just not yet. Saber hesitates.
She can't bring herself to enter the building. Churches bring back too many memories. Unpleasant memories. It doesn't help that the building is utterly terrifying by itself. It's seemingly abandoned and in need of some serious remodeling. Demolishing the dilapidated structure would probably be a necessity if it wasn't repaired soon.
There isn't even a bell in the belfry. What the hell do these people ring when they get married? Doorbells?! Saber scoffs at what the Grail tells her of marriage in this time period. Doves? Rice? How dull! Where is the necessary sacrifice to the gods? It's an integral part of the ceremony and yet, in this era, it's nowhere to be found. And what of the symbolic exchange of fire and water? Completely absent. Such a shame.
Churches were few and far between during her reign. More often than not the Christians would have a congregation in private residences, away from the prying eyes of their oppressors. It was quite shocking to learn from the Grail that Christianity had essentially conquered Rome. Not by the sword either. But by written word and gradual cultural shifts. Well, there was some swordplay involved, but it wasn't to such a shocking degree.
The Grail told her Rome was ravished by barbarians. That it was crushed by men not unlike her Master. Uncouth louts, uncivilized animals that slaughtered all who stood in their way. They had no appreciation for things such as culture. No love for art. No respect for beauty. Saber is very glad the Grail didn't give her all the details. She probably would have broken down in front of Dante. That's something she didn't want to do. Something she couldn't afford to do. Mainly because he didn't seem to be the sympathetic sort.
The conversation she had with him on the ride over created more questions than answers. The one that was forefront in her mind was as to whether or not he was insane. He was fighting in the Grail War … without a wish. Only a lunatic would do that. He told a nice tale about how he felt responsible for the city, how it was essentially his home, and how he'd defend it from destruction. And that's what made Saber uneasy.
This man spoke as if he were selfless. As if he were some sort of hero. Yet clearly, he was not. No hero assaults children. That is the work of a villain. Villains have devilish schemes. Therefore, this man is likely manipulating her for his own gain. He is going to be just like Her. A horrid, conniving snake that ruins everything …!
Saber grabs her head as a migraine overtakes her. It's an agonizing factor of her life. One that she's gotten used to after handling the torture for so long. Her Praetor seems to not notice her moment of weakness. He's focusing completely on the church in front of him, seemingly lost in thought just like her. Saber can't help but sigh as the headache passes. It had been foolish of her to hope that symptom hadn't followed her in the afterlife.
She looks at the man who called himself her 'partner'. He's practically the antithesis to her. Uncivilized. Unrefined. Uncultured. Not only that, but he'll likely betray her. His very personality screams untrustworthy. At least … that's what she thought initially. Now she isn't so sure. He was supposed to have been a villain. But is he? What type of villain spares the enemy's life? Scratch that. What sort of villain spares the enemy and then brings him to the safe zone in a war?
Dante is doing exactly that. The Matou Master who had summoned her is slung right over his shoulder. Still out cold from his 'altercation' with the older man. She suddenly feels the need to write this all down. The man had certainly been right when he said this had the workings of an entertaining drama.
Saber is so engrossed in imagining her new play that she doesn't even notice what her Master is doing. He's raising his right leg, preparing to breach the building. She's completely taken aback when he suddenly kicks the doors open.
"Heyo~ I'm back, you psychotic nun!"
And that's when he lifts the Matou boy from his shoulder and flings him straight into the church. Well, that certainly wasn't heroic at all.
Chapter 3- What a Fool Believes
Did I ever mention I'm terrible at being subtle? No? Well, I am. Perhaps I should have mentioned that to Saber. She's pretty dumbfounded right not. Suppose it isn't normal to throw children like fastballs. The kid's impact creates a resounding crack. Well, that must have certainly hurt.
It's your own fault, kid. If you were smart, you'd be at home playing video games. Instead you'd decided to go to war. What a retard. Hasn't even hit puberty and thinks he can go off and kill people. You got to be at least four foot ten to ride this rollercoaster ride, pal. On second thought, I'm doubting that Saber's even that tall, so maybe not.
Speaking of Saber, "Praetor. Why?"
I find it immensely amusing that she even has to ask. And I make that quite clear, a humungous smirk on my face as I glance at her over my shoulder. "Because I can."
That right there sums up everything. Or at least in my opinion it does. Saber has a different perspective on things. Her brow furrows at my answer and she glares at me. Clearly, she's about to go into rant mode. Fortunately, she's interrupted.
"Ah, Dante. I didn't expect you to show up quite this soon. Miss me already?"
I focus on the inside of the church. That's where the voice came from. A female's voice. Her tone is sultry, the voice of someone that's quite talented at seducing men. The tone of someone who's adept at manipulation. I couldn't help but chuckle at how anyone could consider her a nun.
"Saber, meet Kiara, Kiara, Saber."
Any other circumstances and I would have avoided this place. I despise this woman. Perhaps that's a little harsh. How can I put this lightly? I don't like how she behaves. There I said it. Now that's coming from a guy like me. That should give you an indication of how frustrating it is to deal with her.
Everything about her is disgusting to me. Her seductive tone is irritating. Her flirtatious demeanor is annoying. I absolutely hate how she pretends to be an airhead. How she thinks she can seduce people and wrap them around her little finger. That'd be fine and dandy if she actually was like that. Hell, it'd be kind of cool. She'd be like an evil female James Bond! But no, that's not who she is. It's just one of her many ploys. A farce she insists on living. That's why I despise her. She is just too damn fake!
You know what's worse? She knows that's how I feel about her act. She knows I can see right through her. Which is why she turns her phony personality up to eleven whenever I'm around. Just to be a wise ass.
Saber freezes in place upon noticing the woman. She seems like she's about to flee. I don't know what causes this reaction. Kiara is certainly terrifying, but only to a human man. A Servant shouldn't feel fear from a mortal. Isn't that how this is supposed to work?
"Oh? So you have decided to get involved." She giggles at me. As if she's some sort of schoolgirl. It's disgusting.
"Older women shouldn't do something as demeaning as giggling." I smirk at her.
As par for the course she doesn't even react at my jab. That's the other annoying aspect of her personality. She won't so much as flinch upon being insulted. Instead she'll flip it around. And not only that, but she won't flip it around correctly! How easy would it be to point out that she's younger than me? Way too easy. Purposefully easy. I gave her that out intentionally, just to give her a way to make normal banter. What does she do? She makes it as abnormal as possible.
"Oooooh, so what should they do hmm?" She licks her lips. She licks her motherfucking lips. I feel like prey being gazed upon by a predator. It's quite unnerving.
"Praetor, I find it quite troubling that you prefer mature women." Where the hell does this come from? Saber continues. I wish she wouldn't. "Everyone knows the best partners are older men and younger girls!"
Oh. Well I didn't know. Thanks for clearing that up. Kiara breaks out into a merry laugh. Clearly, she notices the annoyed expression on my face. Good to see it brings her some joy.
"Let's just get to the point." I make my way into the church. Slowly moving to where the sound of her laughter is coming from. It isn't a particularly well-lit place. The main source of illumination are the dozens of wax candles she has alit. Now that I think about it, I'm kind of lucky tossing the Matou hadn't knocked over any of these. I could have unintentionally started a fire …. Scratch that. I should have tried to hit over as many of them as possible. It would have been hilarious.
"Praetor?" Oh, that's right there's that stupid rule about bringing Servants inside the church. Something about the church being the neutral ground of the war. Blah, blah, blah, rules.
"Come on in." If Kiara objects she doesn't vocalize it.
Surprisingly Saber does. "I would … prefer to stay outside."
I just shrug. Whether or not she notices it is unimportant. Our mental link more than conveys my opinion on the matter.
Fine. Do whatever you want. It doesn't matter to me.
Saber seems displeased, but she doesn't make a fuss over it. I ignore her as I continue moving towards the supposed bodhisattva. I can't help but shudder once I have a clear line of sight on her. She's beautiful. Unearthly beautiful. A Japanese Mona Lisa. But she's trying so hard to be ugly. Like I said, beauty isn't really something I care about. It's trivial, time-limited, and meaningless. But that doesn't mean I can't recognize it.
Kiara is without a doubt beautiful. Just like Saber is. But unlike Saber, there's something so wrong with Kiara's beauty. I've never seen her in anything besides that nun outfit. I couldn't even tell you her hair color, though I'm assuming it's black because she's Japanese. (Though to be honest, I've just encountered a blue haired kid so for all I know she could be a pinkette.)
Saber flaunts her beauty. One glance at her and you'd know that. It's kind of hard to miss. But Kiara, well she hides it. While also showing it off. I doubt that makes much sense but believe me when I say you'd understand if you saw her.
She wears the traditional attire of a Buddhist nun, habit and all, but she stylizes it so she looks like she's in a fetish film. The result is her looking more akin to an abomination. A corruption of both beauty and modesty. A weak attempt at being offensive and disgusting. She dresses like this for shock value. To make people notice her and despise her.
"That cult of yours still going alive and strong?" The woman standing in front of me doesn't seem the type to be a cult leader. She looks considerable different from those typically connected with the phrase. I'm looking at you Jim Jones. You and your shitty Kool-Aid.
No, the woman in front of me doesn't look like a psychopath. Well, if one can even tell what a psycho looks like from a glance. And that is precisely why she unnerves me. Everything about her is a contradiction. She's supposed to be a holy woman but I can tell she'd much prefer indulging in sin. She's supposed to be chaste, yet she pretends to enjoy lust.
These are things that can't really be mixed. You can't be a holy sinner or a virgin whore. Instead of trying to embrace a middle ground she attempts to recreate the two opposite ends of extreme at the same time. It's like the woman's experiencing some mid-life identity crisis, yet she's doesn't look a day over twenty-one. In short, she's probably a little fucked in the head.
But who am I to judge? Here I am psychoanalyzing her flaws when I have way too many of my own. And that's probably the reason I tolerate her, more so than one else. We both have a few screws loose. But at least I don't dress up as a sexy nun. At least not all three hundred and sixty-five days of the year. Halloween is a different story.
"Oh? I didn't think you'd care about that? Changed your mind about joining?"
I don't even react to her question, instead simply giving her my best bored look. "Joe Pesci is our true lord and savior." Some would say this is a ridiculous assertion. Completely random. Nonsensical. Borderline fanatical. To them I simply say "Were you in GoodFellas? No. So shut up."
She smiles. It's not a nice smile. It's a very unpleasant smile. But it's not a condescending one. Which is the type of smile I normally expect to see on someone's face after saying such a line. Kiara's not like that though. She indulges my stupidity. Which is one of the reasons I sometimes don't mind her. See, I'm not completely shitty to this woman. Sometimes I can kind of stand to talk to her. When she's not trying so hard to be sexual empowered she's actually somewhat entertaining.
"Last time I saw you it was Robert De Niro."
I grimace at the memory. "Well, I finally got around to watching 'Little Fockers'."
Her unpleasant smile turns sympathetic, just for a second. Then it warps into a demented grin. "You'll come around eventually." Man, she's more persistent than those damn Jehovah's witnesses. And that's saying something, I opened the door nude once and they still keep coming back. I don't know if that should make me worried or not.
"Like I said, let's just cut to the chase."
Her eyebrows rise and her lips pucker. I could swear her eyes are twinkling. "So forceful."
I just scowl at her. "Rape's a sin, right? Well then, why do I feel you're raping me with your eyes every time I show up?" Cue the childish giggle. Eye rape intensifies. I do my best to fix the situation.
My best involves humoring her. Awkwardly staring into her eyes without blinking. We enter into this competition of sorts. A 'battle of the will'. Surrounded by an unconscious child and candles. Sounds like some weird ritual to summon Cthulhu.
I make the first move. My eyebrows start moving up and down. In normal societal context this might be akin to nudging her with my elbow. A signal that I know what she's up to and would allow her to continue with her actions. This is not normal context.
"A mating ritual already? I fear my heart's not ready for this quite yet." The 'yet' part terrifies me. I can't back down though. By the power vested in me I will defeat this woman in one-on-one combat.
Luckily, I've sent Saber a single line of thought to keep her away. She started praising Jesus. Want to join? Of course, my question was met with a resounding negative answer. That all but confirms she's anti-Christian. Fucking bigot. Maybe she's like some long lost sister of Diocletian? The funniest part is that Kiara's a Buddhist. I won't clarify that though. It'll keep Saber away.
This nutty nun does something that makes this all even worse. Something that's definitely not supposed to happen in a story rated for teens. It destroys all train of thought. It makes me question my sanity. She starts blowing kisses. Kisses! And not the Hershey's chocolate kind. Those are good Kisses. These are bad. Oh so bad.
Remember when I said I wasn't going to back down? Change of plans. I tried. I tried so hard. And got so far. (Not really, I didn't do much to be honest.) But this is just too weird. This woman just makes me feel too uncomfortable when she acts like this. My skin crawls just looking at her. Like I said, usually she isn't this bad. On some days we actually have what could be considered normal conversation, despite our individual eccentricities.
But today something made her accentuate her promiscuous behavior. Perhaps it's Saber's appearance. Or maybe it's the fact that she's upset with how I tossed the Matou at her. Or both. Whatever the case Kiara is somewhat irritated at me. She's just not very forward, so instead of outright criticizing me like Saber would she simply tries hard to passive aggressively make me feel awkward. Which is oh so frustrating. Usually I would brush this aside, I'd play her game and humor her. But today she's being particularly creepy, and I really don't want to have to file a police report because of her actions. Restraining orders are a pain in the ass to get.
So, I can't help it. I've lost. Just like that. Call me a coward if you will. No one can compete with this woman when she's at her maximum strength. Her combined fetish power is too much. Not even Marilyn Monroe could compete with her. Pamela Anderson would drown in a sea of her own tears at the sight of such a woman. Don't even get me started on the Kardashians. They'd self-implode upon witnessing Kiara. On a good day when she's happy I could joke around with her. But on a bad day …. Well I'm not ready for that type of commitment.
This is Kiara Sessyoin. Probably one of the weirdest people in the world. Somehow a cult leader. Somehow the nun at this former Catholic church. Somehow my 'friend'. And somehow the mediator of this Holy Grail War. Yes, those maniacs in Rome decided she'd be the most qualified for this sort of thing. Somehow, they'd recognized her as a modern-day prophet. Don't even begin to ask me how a follower of a sect of Buddhism (an insane sect, mind you) was recognized as a Christian prophet, the politics are way too complicated.
Well, maybe not. I'd vaguely gotten mention that a certain Cardinal, who was next in line to be the Pope, had a crush on her. Yes, this is how low the papacy has fallen. Whatever happened to the time when they had balls? We need another Crusade. And it should probably take place in Japan if people like Kiara are commonplace here.
Maybe the church was just praying she'd get killed in the crossfire? I sympathized with them if that were the case. But if that thing about a Cardinal having the hots was true instead … well I might have to reenact the Visigoth's sacking of Rome.
"You know, I'm a bit surprised you'd register for the war." Aforementioned nun interrupts my thoughts. It's like the 'duel' of ours never even happened. Which is kind of true. I only put up a fight for like ten seconds and then immediately surrendered. Wow, I must be French. Ba dum tss.
Kiara starts smiling again. This time it's a knowing smile, far less creepy than her various other corrupted grins, but still not something I'd like to see. Why can't she just show me a genuine smile? Instead I get these smarmy grins that only should be on the faces of people with evil laughs. I wonder, does she have an evil laugh? I wouldn't be surprised if she did.
"You never were the type to be forward with your intentions." Same to you, woman. The last time I took you through a drive thru you took ten minutes deciding what to get. And you ended up only getting a water. That was so very infuriating.
I can't help but frown at her. "Enough of the innuendos. I only came her because of the kid." I jab a finger in his direction.
"Oh? I'm somewhat sad to hear that." My left foot taps the ground impatiently. She sighs when she realizes I'm being serious. "Who's the lucky mother?"
I just dryly chuckle at this. "Ha ha. He's a Master."
Her eyes widen in shock. "Really now? And you brought him to me?"
I rub my forehead in frustration. "You're the mediator, aren't you?"
With this said all traces of her playful demeanor are gone. That flirtatious harlot she tries to be is replaced by the actual Kiara Sessyoin. The Kiara that had to handle being regarded as a prophet since she was a little girl. She's in business mode.
"That isn't what I meant." There's an edge to her tone, she's expecting me to be serious now that she is. Can't say I'm surprised. She never really was fair.
"He's a Matou." It's a single, simple declaration. And yet it brings with it so much trouble.
This time her face remains passive. "I am not surprised. I was wondering how long it'd take the worm to get involved."
My nose crinkles in disgust at the idea. "He's not involved." I'm convinced of this. If he was this boy wouldn't have been the one sent to participate. "The kid's clean too. Go ahead and check if you want."
She simply takes my word for it, briefly glancing at the boy's unconscious form before looking back at me. "Well, then, that brings me back to my original question. Why did you bring him to me instead of killing him?"
Saber hears this. I know she does. I can feel her straining across the mental link in an attempt at listening in on us. I don't even bother fighting her back, instead allowing her to see the world through my eyes. Literally. Magic's cool like that.
"There are a few things I refuse to do. You know that Kiara." Everyone has to have some line they refuse to cross. Some moral standing to keep them sane. As much as I hate rules, they're necessary to keep order. And not everyone's ready for total chaos quite yet. Not even me.
She smiles at me, and for once it's a sincere smile. The type of smile I'd like to see on her more often. It makes her feel more like a human being, and less like someone regarded as a messenger of God.
"Yes, I do." A distant look graces her gaze. She's reminiscing about the past. How sweet. And how utterly pointless. I can't help but clear my throat. This has already wasted too much of my time, I need to get going.
It snaps her out of her daze. "I suppose you want me to be his caretaker." It isn't a question. She's known that's what I wanted since the second I'd tossed him at her.
"Yup." My hands go into my pockets. I'm trying my best to appear nonchalant. Secretly I'm hoping she won't refuse.
She frowns at me. "He still has his Command Spells." Her left eyebrow raises in questioning.
"I can't exactly chop his arm off?" Why did that sound more like a question? I'm supposed to say that as if it were an obvious answer, instead it comes out as a weak excuse. The kind of excuse a child would make to their mother.
"Would you like me to do it for you?" Ah, now there's the Kiara I know. I'm not going to say the second part of that saying. The 'l word' is not something that can ever be used in the same sentence as this woman's name.
"Wouldn't that invalidate your neutrality?" That just sounds stupid. Even to me.
She chuckles. "Neutrality? When have I ever been neutral?" She … has a point. "And can you recall a time in which the Church was truly neutral?" Again, a very good point.
There's a common misconception about the mediator's role in this war. Some are foolish enough to believe they're supposed to be impartial judges in the conflict. They aren't. They're meant to decide who would be a better choice for the Church. Often this simply comes down to who's going to cause the least destruction, and thus the least amount of property damage that the Church is likely going to have to cover up. The costs for said cover up come completely out of their pocket. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense that they don't remain completely impartial.
Then again what Kiara's doing is beyond that. She's actively helping a Master in the war. Which leads me to one question. Am I the only one she's helping? It makes sense for her to help others in order to instill the guise of neutrality. If that's the case I can't help but be curious as to who she's actually backing in this war. I wish I could say I don't doubt her intentions.
She sighs, and it interrupts me from my thoughts. "I don't like how you're going about this Dante." She fixates an intense glare my way. The anger in her normally serene gaze gets my attention. Kiara doesn't get angry. She gets irritated. Frustrated even. But never angry. And like I said, even when she's upset she always avoids outright showing it. Instead she overcompensates by emphasizing her personality. "The last time you were here you tossed a disembodied head at me."
You know, I'm kind of regretting allowing Saber to remain mentally linked with me. I mean, there are just some things you don't tell a girl the first day you meet her. The fact that you dismembered some retard less than a month ago is one of those things.
"Really that was quite impolite of you. Have you no respect for the dead?" I have a feeling she knows Saber's watching. Call it intuition. And common sense. "I distinctly remember you kicking it into the goblet used for Mass, and then ransacking this place in search of wine." The playful smirk on her face all but confirms my suspicions.
Well, good thing I know how to twist that. "Some would call what I did art."
She can't help but chuckle at that. "Would 'some' be Hannibal Lector and Ted Bundy?" I mean, yeah, it probably would, but there's probably some other sick fucks out there that would share that opinion. "I digress, it's quite shocking to see that you've changed so much in three weeks."
"Would you have preferred if I'd skewered the kid on a fire iron?" She actually considers this for a moment. Oh, and I'm the insane one.
"No, not really. Maybe a pool que, but not a fire iron." She's got a devilish grin on her face as she says this. It makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable.
These are the types you hang around? Ah Saber. Finally commenting on this conversation, are you? Shouldn't you have thought that like five minutes ago when she was giving me the rape face? Or is the rape face common practice in your end of history? Wait, she's Roman. Carry on.
There's a moment of silence between Kiara and me. It's strangely calming despite the eerie atmosphere surrounding us. Though it is a little awkward. Which is par for the course with all things Kiara related.
Neither of us really knows how to continue with the conversation. Normally she would continue teasing/antagonizing me for a good hour or so, but it seems like she's already ran out of ways to stall. She closes her eyes.
Finally, she's going to get to the point. Then she sighs, a tired, aged sigh. "Well, I suppose I can look after the boy for you." I wish she'd just said that right off the bat.
"Thanks." Oh shit. She opens her eyes and I feel like I've made a terrible mistake. There's a satisfied smirk plastered on her face too. It makes me think like I've seen that sort of look before. Oh, yeah, every time I look in the mirror.
"You are going to owe me." Yes, I'm going to owe you for doing your job. Because that's how things work. Sound logic there. "And I can't promise he won't be harmed." There's a hidden edge to her cheery tone.
"I can." Those two simple words might as well be a Geis. My conviction is resolute. No one will hurt the kid. Well except for me. I might hurt him if he behaves like a little shit. It won't be permanent damage though. It's unlikely that I can trust Kiara to do the same.
"Oh? Consider my interest piqued. How are you of all people going to protect him?" She moves closer to me and looks up, directly into my eyes. Her arms slink around my waist. Bad touch, bad touch.
I don't even bother fighting her off. She won't do anything worse than this. The only good thing about Kiara is that she knows when to stop. That's something I should seriously try to learn.
I look down into the woman's eyes. There's a lot of emotion there, her eyes are the only part about her that's honest. It's not the same for me. "I'll kill anyone that gets in my way."
Even I'm surprised by how it comes out. I'd expected to sound tough and abrasive. It should have sounded like the voice of a hero, convicted in his ideals and sure of his righteous cause. Instead it came out in a tired mumble. The voice of someone that was at the end of their journey and doubting why they'd even bothered in the first place. I sound far too old.
"I know you will." And she lays her head on my chest. I've had enough of this. No more games, I don't have the time. I'm a bit too forceful with her, pushing her off of me in the same way you'd pull off a bandage. Suddenly. Roughly.
She gasps a little, and again it sounds more like a moan than an actual gasp. I turn around and start walking to the door. Saber's waiting for me.
"You're not going to register?" The mirth is already back in Kiara's voice.
I don't even stop, instead I answer without facing her. "Didn't I already?"
She calls back to me. "Not technically."
I'm at the door, one foot outside, when I turn back to her. "I, Dante Di Prinzi, declare myself to be the Master of Saber in this Grail War." My hands go to my hips. "The damn cup is as good as mine!" I point into the church, back at Kiara. "You better not kill that kid. Or I'll massacre you."
It's not really a threat. More like a tease of things that could come. She chuckles quietly, one hand covering her mouth. "I would like to see you try." Then she starts waving. It was surreal to witness. Someone like Kiara bidding me goodbye in such a fashion. She reminds me more of a soldier's wife, forced to watch their husband walk off to war. Thankfully that was not our relationship. "Farewell Dante. I hope that we can meet again."
A large smile forms on her face. One that's neither happy nor sad. Accepting. That's the word I'll describe it with. "Whether it be in this life or the next is up to those far greater than either of us." The door closes seemingly of its own volition. Because that's totally not cliché and all.
And with that I'm done with this nun and her church. I turn back to Saber, who's now looking at me with a mixture of confusion and uncertainty. What? I didn't say anything too ridiculous. In fact, I think I was kind of tame in comparison to how she behaves.
We're at the car before she speaks. "You decapitated a man?" Oh. That's why she's uneasy. Makes sense.
"Technically I just blew up everything but his head." There's a pregnant pause between us. I just start climbing behind the wheel.
"What." I didn't know a single word could convey so much meaning. That's kind of impressive Saber.
I glance at her while closing my car door. "You going to get in or should I just drive off without you?" She doesn't dignify that with a response, sitting in her seat as I buckle myself in. Of course, she doesn't buckle herself. I swear, I'm definitely not paying the inevitable ticket.
"Explain." She crosses her arms over her chest. Quite a magnificent chest might I add. Not quite as magnificent as Kiara's, but not bad nonetheless. I kind of feel sorry for them. They must have some serious back pain.
"Monji Gatou." Just a name. No emotion tied to it.
Saber's eyebrow raises. "Who?"
I start the van. "Disembodied head guy." Her mouth opens into an 'o'. "Former Master. Wanted to summon the White Princess, Arcueid Brunestud." The way I say this betrays the severity of my words. To anyone listening in on this conversation it would seem that I'm simply commenting on something trivial like the weather, instead of revealing something so terrifying.
Saber's puzzled for a moment, from the visual cues she's giving me (those being the faraway look in her eyes) I can tell she's tapping into the Grail's information banks for an explanation. I can also tell when she's actually received the information. It's more than a little amusing to see a powerful hero gape at me like a dead fish.
"I take it you understand my point?"
She coughs into her fist in order to stall. I can tell she's unsettled. Really I can't blame her. "How?"
I'm already starting to back the van out of its parking spot when she starts talking again. "How what? How'd I know this? How'd I kill him?"
She glares at me. "How would he go about summoning such a … creature?"
I shrug and continued to reverse. "Beats me. I mean, I can't exactly ask him." Well I could. But that would involve scuba gear. And then I'd be at the bottom of the sea talking to a disembodied head. Yeah. Not going to do that. It'd make for terrible conversation.
"How did you know?" She says this like she's asking how I figured out she was going to throw me a surprise birthday party.
Despite the somewhat somber nature of our conversation I can't help but start laughing. The baffled expression on her face only caused me to intensify my chuckling. "You know, that's a funny story."
About five different emotions grace her features before she settles for an impassive mask. "Do tell."
And that's when I back into a fire hydrant. "Sonofabitch." I shift into drive and pull away. "Well, how should I put this … he was kind of hanging around Kiara's church screaming bullshit at her for about a week or so."
She frowns. "From the way you describe it I take it was less than flattering?"
"Depends on your idea of flattering. He was spouting some nonsense about how she was a phony prophet." I start counting down the points the guy made using my fingers, just so I can properly remember the absurd nature of his comments. "How her religion was a farce. How he was in fact the true prophet of God. And how he was going to summon God to slaughter her." I can't help but say this all in an extremely mocking tone. The entire subject was just too ridiculous to take seriously. Coming from me that's a huge testament to how batshit crazy this guy was.
For some reason Saber beams at me. "So you fought him to defend your woman. How noble. I might have been wrong about you, Praetor." There's so many things I have to say to this. She's got so many wrong ideas it's not even funny. And did she sort of insult me?
"My what? No, I hunted him down because he was trying to summon Joe Pesci. That's heresy I cannot allow."
Somehow, I feel this was the incorrect response. The blank expression on her face confirms that feeling. "Excuse me?"
"What did you sneeze or something?" Ok, she's definitely disappointed in me.
"Who is this 'Joe Pesci'? I recall you mentioning his name to the nun." The van skids to a stop as I slam on my brakes. I whirl around to make full eye contact with this woman.
"Who is Joe Pesci?!" I echo her question in a frantic voice. "Why he's the greatest actor in history! A man who gets things done! The ultimate symbol of tenacity and unforgiving brutality!"
She creases her brow. "What are you babbling about? 'Greatest actor in history'? Please, how can you be so uncultured as to not even recognize the one who holds that title stands before you?"
I look her over. She claimed she was Roman. Maybe it was a reference to Pesci's Italian-American heritage? No, there is no way someone who was clearly a man could be summoned as a woman. At least, I don't think that's possible. Without surgery. And besides it's only been like a year since he died. Despite his greatness, there is no possible way for him to have become a Servant so quickly. And that's not even considering that he would have no need for such a thing.
Perhaps he'd enter the Throne of Heroes as its rightful ruler, but he didn't need to actively participate in the wars. What sort of wish could such a man have? Wait. I know. I couldn't help but look Saber over once again. For some reason she makes it quite easy. By this I mean she actively starts posing for me. That seems like quite an un-Pesci thing to do.
"Height."
"Beg your pardon?" She ceases her ridiculous posing and fixes me with a curious look.
"The only thing he'd need a wish for. Height. That was his only flaw. He was short." Granted it was also his greatest strength. It allowed him to add in a comedic flair to his more serious roles, and his short stature was a juxtaposition to his brutal ferocity. I'm rambling, aren't I? Dammit. "You are around his height. Maybe a few inches shorter."
Oddly, Saber's forehead starts twitching. She should probably see a doctor about that … "Excuse me?!" And this is how I start an endless rant about how she isn't short, that the world is simply unable to handle any more of her marvelousness, and how I'm an incompetent fool that has no appreciation for the beauty of the human body. Specifically, her human body.
During the nagging I start to drive again. It keeps me from arguing with her. I also don't want to risk the chance of a random passerby becoming a witness to the assault I'm forced to accept. That would be beyond embarrassing. Luckily, it's going on four o'clock in the morning. Hardly anyone is around at this time.
"Now, I would appreciate if you ceased your incessant prattle and continue explaining how you of all people managed to kill someone that knew how to summon a True Ancestor." Technically he just wanted to summon one. There was no guarantee he would have succeeded. I mean, now there was absolutely no guarantee. But even before he probably had a very slim chance.
"Oh, that's simple. Grenade launcher."
The expression on her face clearly signifies a lack of understanding. "Grenade launcher?"
Absentmindedly, I start scratching the side of my nose. "Specifically, a China Lake. Want to see pictures?"
"You took pictures?" My left-hand slips into my pants pocket and pulls out my wallet. I open it up for her to see. Right where a normal person would keep pictures of their family is a picture of the aforementioned grenade launcher. It goes without saying that I've kept it in pristine condition.
I gesture at the weapon with my thumb. "Saber meet Consuela."
She looks at the image and doesn't seem to be that impressed. "I was expecting something far worse."
I can't help but raise an eyebrow. "Like what?"
"Pictures of you blowing the man up." What a sick freak. Why would she assume I'd take pictures of such a thing?
"Oh, those are back home." The displeased look on her face makes me laugh a little inside. "I'm joking, what, do you think I'm Jeffrey Dahmer?" Clearly, she doesn't know who that is, so she doesn't really get the reference.
She does understand the point I'm trying to make. "It is good to see that you are not a complete savage." An unflattering snort is the only response she gets from me. We ride in silence. I focus on the road, my headlights paving a path through the ominous darkness of the night.
"That woman … what is your relationship with her?" Ah, I figured I'd have to correct this inaccurate assumption sooner rather than later. Looks like I was right.
"Not the kind you're assuming it is." I make certain that when I say this I'm looking in her eyes. Even if it might risk me getting in a car accident. Her eyes meet my gaze and she searches for an ounce of dishonesty. There isn't any. "Kiara's like that with everyone. If you had bothered to get near her she would have done the same to you."
She doubts me. I can tell by the slight rise of her eyebrows. The little twitch at the corners of her lips. "Mmm, it seems odd for a holy woman to be so …."
"Slutty?" I helpfully add.
"Not the word I would have used, but yes."
A soft chuckle bubbles out from my throat. "She a walking contradiction. She's also a bit broken."
Saber folds her hands behind her head and leans back in her seat. Good to see she finally relaxed. "How so?"
I stop at a traffic light. "Well, she was essentially worshipped since childhood and grew up without ever having any normal human interactions."
Saber stiffens slightly. "The light is green."
"Ah." I accelerate forward. "I met her by chance, and I just sort of treated her like I treated everyone else." Like complete utter shit. "And she treated me similar. That's about it." Not really anything too substantial.
The woman was considered a prophet and treated as a god. Everyone around her saw her as their superior. And as the saying goes, 'it's lonely at the top'. That's a lot for someone to go through, especially a child. I bumped into her and just so happened to consider her my equal.
At least up until she started acting like she does now. Once upon a time she was actually pretty meek, her only comments being the occasional witty one-liner that put me in my place. Not that surprising considering she was supposed to be the voice of God. God doesn't joke around. He also doesn't have normal conversations.
With time Kiara had grown up and decided she didn't want to be just the voice of God. At least not 24/7. Now she still has those witty remarks, but it comes along with the emotional baggage that is her attempt at being mature. Unfortunately, in her mind, maturity is irrevocably linked to sex.
Anyway, somehow I think I affected her life drastically. Even though that sounds like a rather arrogant claim to make. Maybe it's because I gave her something she had never experienced before? Normalcy. It's pretty fucking funny that I of all people ended up being the normal part of someone's life.
"Yes, it is. You seem to be quite the unusual individual."
Did I say all that aloud? "Sorry, I must be tired if I'm starting to talk to myself." Saber smiles at me. I can tell even though I'm not looking at her. She just exudes that level of warmth with her very presence. Wonder if she has Charisma? No. Just glancing at her tells me her stats and skills. Charisma isn't one of them. Then it's just her personality. How terrifying. A woman like this once walked the Earth. Must have been pretty awful back then.
"You do that quite often." Huh, never realized. Wait … does that mean I talk aloud when I think to myself? How often have I done that?! She waves off my worries, likely incorrectly assuming they're brought about by something else. "Think nothing of it, Praetor. Today has been an exhausting day."
So, she assumes I'm worried about slighting her? … She is most definitely an idiot. Well, I can't exactly worry about what I might have let slip. It's not like it really matters. And 'exhausting'? I guess that's one way of putting it. My eyelids do feel kind of heavy. Part of me feels like a little nap would be nice. Maybe I'll just close my eyes for a second. They do burn, I guess that's from eye strain or something.
"Praetor." I'm jolted awake by Saber's voice.
"I wasn't sleeping." The car hasn't crashed, I'm still driving straight, looks like everything fine.
"There is a boundary –"
"Field." I interrupt her. The sudden change in the air, I can feel it. It's not obvious, but just slightly noticeable. This isn't a field to harm us. No. It's to keep people away.
"We need to –" Saber stops talking. Both of us sense it. That presence. That overwhelming pressure. It can't be anything besides a Servant. And it's getting closer.
"Shit." I sum up the situation in a single word. That's the only word I manage to get out. Because right then the van gets hit. Something gigantic slams right into Saber's side of the vehicle. The noise from the impact is deafening. The grating shrill squeal of metal being torn apart. The shatter of glass. The popping of my tires. All of it hits me like a freight train. Along with the actual collision of course.
There's an overwhelming feeling of dread prevalent in the air. Saber's screaming my name. Clearly, she's worried about my wellbeing. How sweet. And those are the only things I can understand in this surprising turn of events. My world's already starting to spin. Or is that the van itself? No, it's both. Which means we're going to end up upside down. Great. This is going to hurt, isn't it?
AN: First of all, I'd like to thank Noah Thomson and King Keith for the major help they've been with this chapter (as well as the previous two). Keith's been my expert with all things Type Moon related (as there's a lot of stuff I'm unfamiliar with, mainly in everything Tsukihime related) and he's also helped me out a lot this chapter with my consistent tendency of switching between past and present tense. And Noah's been a massive help on keeping things on track. Believe me, without her this chapter would have been ten times more awful then it already is. Check out both their works. Noah's a French writer, so that might be a deal breaker, but Keith's work is all in English so be sure to check it out.
Also, I'm interested in finding a third beta, particularly one that focuses more on grammar, spelling, and sentence structure. I've always had a problem with run on sentences (as well as my tenses, as previously mentioned), and it'd be great to have someone work with just stuff like that. I might be getting too greedy, asking for even more help! If any of you are interested shoot me a PM. Otherwise I'd be eternally grateful for any constructive criticism that can be thrown my way (either through PM or reviews). I'd also be more than happy to answer any questions, comments, or concerns.
One last thing. I'm just going to pat myself on the back for being the first author to actually have a story with Kiara in it. Or at least the first to use the Kiara tag. Not that surprising considering she's not exactly a well-known character, but still it inflates my ego a little learning I've been the first with something. Granted it's a largely unimportant something, but it's still kind of cool. Maybe more people will start including her as a character? She's not that fleshed out in canon, so it'd be neat to see her mentioned more.
PS- (I swear this is the actual last thing.) Next chapter's going to be the first fight scene! No, I don't count Dante's 'altercation' with Shinji a fight. It's going to involve that beautiful pseudo-Berserker from GEGE! And guess what? He's going to wreck Dante's car in this story as well. Poor Dante.