Disclaimer: I'm terribly sorry with how this chapter was kind of delayed. (It took me a week to even start it) So in return I've made it the longest chapter so far. Bon appétit!
Chapter 7- Eye of the Tiger
"Let's do this." I kick the gate open, Saber rushes in front of me storming the group of armed guards in front of us. She incapacitates them without a moment's notice. Such is the strength of a Servant. No mere mortal can dare to hold a candle up to their name. Let alone common street thugs.
I pull the Pico out from its makeshift holster (my waistband). Shots pop off into the distance; all aimed center mass. One, two, three men fall backwards from the force of the impact. A fourth attempts to point his rifle at me. It's a Chinese knockoff of the AKM. Not a bad gun, but the weight and size of the weapon end up being a hindrance to him, rather than a help. I'm in front of him before he can so much as bring the rifle to his eye. I help him out, grabbing the rifle by its barrel and jabbing the stock of the weapon straight into his face. Not exactly the proper way to sight a gun, but it works here.
The AK ends up becoming a crude club. Another gangster tries to sneak up on me, seeking to thrust a knife into my neck. He would have had a better chance doing this if he'd used a plastic one.
The weapon veers off its intended course, instead striking nothing but the air in front of my face. It gives me a perfect opportunity to grab my assailant's arm. I avoid doing the obvious maneuver (breaking the appendage) and instead pull him forward violently. He's lifted over my head and slammed into the ground in front of me. It was a pretty sloppy suplex to be honest. If the dude hadn't panicked, he could have avoided it with a quick elbow to my face.
Then again, what Yakuza would ever think that one day he'd get suplexed by some gaijin mutt? Not this Yakuza. He's on the ground wheezing. Of course, as a gentleman, I soothe his suffering. The butt of my rifle comes down on his head. Hard.
With the man's dagger in my hand I formulate a quick idea, an intimidation tactic. One that isn't used quite as often as it used to have been. War has changed after all. The knife's guard shifts, the metal elongating on one side until there's enough material for it to curve into a circular insert. I attach it to the barrel of my new AK. Bayonet at the ready.
With a rebel yell I charge into the crowd. They scatter like ants before a tidal wave. I must be quite the sight. A disheveled foreigner with a mad glint in my eye, charging at men with select fire rifles without a second thought. Is this what it must have felt to be a soldier in World War I? Storming the trenches with sabers and clubs even though you knew the enemy had machine guns. Such insanity. And I'm representing that right now.
Come to think of it, that's not really the case. After all, I do have one of those fully-automatic rifles at my disposal. I'm just using it like a spear instead of a gun. Hell, even the safety's still on. The dumbass who tried to shoot me with it didn't even realize that tiny little detail.
One brave soul has the courage to meet my charge. Instead of firing upon me he tries to use his rifle to counter the swipe of my bayonet. I cut it in half. Reinforcement, bitches. He stumbles backwards.
I keep applying pressure, getting straight into his face and staring him in the eyes. There's only an inch or so between us. He's completely stunned; the look in his eyes is fearful but accepting. Those are the eyes of a man that's scared of death yet strong enough to welcome it with open arms. I must look like the devil to him. Or whatever form of demon that exists in Japanese myth. An oni, or something like that.
I surprise him even more when I take a step back. He matches my gaze with unflinching eyes. The uncertainty remains, he's unsure of what I'm going to do and cautious because of this. His body tenses in anticipation, ready for any assault I might launch.
When none comes, he crouches in a combat stance, his body coiling like a spring. I don't move an inch.
He barrels towards me, not at all unlike a meteor hurtling towards the Earth, a comet soaring off into the distance. I wait until he's less than a foot away, his fist pulled back as he prepares to throw a punch at my jaw.
It never comes.
I smash the butt of the rifle into his stomach, then, as he doubles over in pain, I bring it up and launch a brutal downward blow on the back of his head.
He crumples to the ground, just like all the others who dared to stand in my way.
"Praetor, are you done yet?" Saber's already at the top of the stairs we have to climb. Her hands are at her hips and she's pouting down at me. Guess patience isn't a virtue to her. She shakes her head like a teacher scolding an unruly pupil.
"Was that really necessary, Praetor? Could you not have simply hit him in the head and be done with it?"
I sigh at her complaining. "I thought you had a flair for the dramatic?"
This throws her for a loop. "Mmm … you have me there, Praetor." She shrugs. "It is still unwise to make an Emperor wait. You should be more considerate."
Did she just … tell me to be considerate? She has the nerve to tell me that?! After all she's put me through in the last 24 hours!
Calm down, Dante. Calm down. Let it go. She's an idiot. Don't blame her for being an idiot. Blame her bad genes and improper upbringing.
I sigh deeply in response to her audacity. My shoulders slump in defeat. There's no point in arguing with her flawed logic. I can only go along with the ride that is her stupidity.
"Let's just get this over with." I stomp up the stairs, slowly making my way back to her. The dozen or so unconscious thugs surrounding her make this seem kind of like a Bruce Lee film. Except instead of kung fu and nunchakus we have guns and a sword. And the main protagonist is a blonde heroine and not an Asian man. So … Kill Bill: Vol Saber?
Saber huffs in frustration at my response. I ignore her and push open the doors in front of us. Come to think of it, this place really does look like some weird martial arts studio. It's kind of like a dojo mixed with a temple. Odd.
I walk inside, the soles of my shoes tapping against the tile floor. Saber stays behind me for moment, seemingly unsure if she should follow me or not. Her mind is made when she sees me lift the AK into a firing position. It's almost endearing how swiftly she moves to my side.
"It is rude for guests to not remove their shoes before entering someone's home." That voice sends shivers down my spine. Not the good kind either. It feels more like someone shoved an icicle into the small of my back.
"Is it not just as rude for a host not to reveal themselves to their guest?" Saber quips. Not bad. I mean I would have said something more along the lines of "kiss my ass", but I guess sometimes a little class in one's insults can go a long way.
The voice doesn't respond, seemingly taken aback by Saber's defiance. Or, knowing the person behind that voice, she's trying very hard to not lose her cool at such a blatant display of disrespect. Albeit unsuccessfully if the grunts of frustration I'm hearing are any indicator.
I follow this sound, using it like a trail of footprints to lead me to my destination. "Saber, do me a favor?" It's one of the few times I've asked her to do something for me. She takes note of this.
"A favor? I wonder what it could be?" I don't give her much time to wonder, hoping against all odds that she won't be able to imagine anything preposterous before I reply.
"I need you to promise you won't attack." She stops dead in her tracks.
"Praetor?"
"Just trust me on this, Saber. Don't do anything that could be so much as construed as an act of aggression. I'll handle this."
Her eyes lock onto mine, judging the emotion behind my gaze to find the slightest hint of misdirection or dishonesty. There is none.
"I do not understand your reasoning for this, Praetor. But I will oblige." She smiles at me. A teasing smile that is quite fitting for her. "Just this once."
I scoff at that closing remark, turning away from her and continuing to walk towards the sputters of exasperation our host is releasing. "Just … watch my back. Ok?"
She nods, that teasing smile ever present on her face. "In return I would expect you to do the same." A pause, I can already tell she's preparing to say something idiotic. "After all, my back is quite pleasing to the eyes."
I walk away before she goes into a monologue about how the beauty of her back is more exuberant than the even the beauty of Venus' front. I don't particularly care how her looks compare to imaginary gods as long as she manages not to screw this up for me.
For good measure, I eject the loaded round chambered in the AK. Pulling the charging handle back, while I walk forward, and watching absentmindedly as the spent cartridge lands on the floor with a soft clink sound. I unload the magazine from the rifle and pocket it, not even bothering to slow down as I continue walking.
I can feel an undercurrent of doubt from Saber via our mental link. It's subtle, but still there. She's curious as to what I'm planning, and worried that I might be making a mistake. Her worry is for naught. I place the rifle against the wall, propping it up diagonally so it doesn't scuff the floor.
"Alright, Saber. Let me introduce you to my 'friend'." She doesn't even get a chance to voice the shock on her face. I enter the room where our host's voice originated from.
"Oi, Tiger! They haven't put you in a zoo yet?" This question is met with the unmistakable sound of guns being drawn and cocked. "Color me surprised. Aren't endangered species supposed to be kept someplace they can be preserved and studied?"
There are at least thirty guys in here. Armed with a vast arsenal of handguns, shotguns, submachine guns, and rifles. Oh, and there's also this fatass with an M60E4. He's holding it at the hip as if he's Rambo. Idiot.
The woman I addressed is reclining in a quite expensive leather sofa. These men surround her like her own personal Secret Service. Even though they're more amateurish, I know for a fact each and every one of them would take a bullet for her. That's loyalty for ya.
All of them aim at me. The only one that doesn't react is the woman they're protecting. A stoic expression remains on her face. I can tell that inwardly her blood's boiling at the nickname I used for her.
Saber rushes to my side, her sword materializing in the blink of an eye. I grab her by the shoulder, stopping her from lashing out at them. "Now what did I just say?"
She looks at me, eyes conflicted. I can tell she's torn between following my request and protecting me from harm. "It's alright. I got this." I give her an encouraging smile.
The sword vanishes, and Saber relaxes. She sighs and once more her eyes meet mine. "I hope that is the case." Ouch, no trust in my abilities?
The woman gestures for her men to not fire. They comply without any hesitation. She gets up from her sofa, wading through her guards to meet me face to face. The outfit she wears is supposed to be a combination of sleek and sexy. Kind of like Black Widow in the Avengers.
Black slacks, a belt with a silver buckle, and a black blouse with the top two buttons unfastened to show off some cleavage. I use the word 'some' loosely. This woman's a B cup at most. Usually she would be wearing a fur jacket over all of this. Black just like the rest of her outfit with the lining being made using the white fur of some exotic animal I'm unfamiliar with. She's already taken it off though, I notice it laid in a crumpled pile on her sofa.
"…." The woman is shorter than me, but not by much. She certainly towers over Saber. Her light brown eyes meet my honey colored ones, and for a moment the room's atmosphere is heavy with tension. This woman's very presence energizes the air I breathe. She's like an electric conductor of confidence and strength. A wild animal unable of being tamed. The King of her very own Jungle.
"How's a goin Tiger?" In another parallel universe, this would be uttered by a gorgeous redheaded bombshell greeting their personal superhero. That superhero, a spider loving nerd, would become flustered. And that's how their love story would begin.
This is not a love story. I am not an independent ginger woman. The 'lady' I'm addressing is not an antisocial geek. In a way, I wish she was. If she were she might shyly fumble over her words.
Instead she proceeds to pummel me with a shinai.
The wooden stick comes down on my skull. Hard. It's like a life-sized game of whack-a-mole. Unfortunately, I'm the mole.
Thankfully this lasts but a moment. My assailant is only able of landing three good hits before she's stopped. By who? Saber of course, my knight in 'shining armor'.
"Remember when I said you should let me handle this?" I rub my noggin in an attempt at shaking off the migraine that was bound to rear its ugly head. "Well, I was wrong. Thanks for the save."
Saber briefly smiles at me before her expression settles into one of stoic determination. Their blades are crossed a mere two feet in the air above me. Her sword is blocking the shinai from continuing in its downward strike aimed at my head. Despite the overwhelming strength of a Servant, the woman in black still tries to push down on the blade in an attempt at overwhelming Saber. Her crimson sword doesn't budge an inch. What does budge is the shinai.
The wooden instrument of death fractures in its struggle to break through Saber's defense. The glorified stick snaps in two, both pieces landing in front of my feet.
Saber's blade hovers in front of me, the weapon of war acting as a shield to protect me. I pat her on the shoulder to placate her. There's no need to seek retribution, the enemy has lost.
"That was my favorite one …." Her tone does not fit her appearance. Not at all. The head of Fuyuki's yakuza clan should not sound like a dejected little girl.
She balls her fists, as if preparing to strike me down. Saber stands by to intercept any incoming blows. None come.
The fat yakuza armed with an M60 comes up to us. Saber tenses at his presence. This man's prior career was most likely that of a sumo wrestler. He's that big. Guess what they say is right. It will go right to your thighs.
The larger man pats his boss on the back. The sight is comical to say the least, a gigantic whale of a man comforting the slender woman in front of me. It was like King Kong reaching down to stroke Ann. Beauty and the Beast.
Of course, it's slightly unfair to refer to Taiga Fujimura as a 'beast'. She might be absolutely rabid on her worst days, but on a good day she was actually quite charming in her eccentric mannerisms.
What? Did you think I was calling the sumo guy a beast? Absolutely not. I mean, how could anyone call such a magnificent creature something so baseless as a beast? You can't have 'love handles' without a lot of 'love'. And a lot of KFC.
Taiga calms down considerable at the touch of her comrade. She loses that borderline bratty behavior of hers. It's replaced by a completely composed demeanor. I'm not longer speaking to Taiga Fujimura, former English high school teacher and beloved goofball. No. It's like a bucket of ice water was thrown on her head. I'm not speaking to that Taiga. I'm speaking to Boss Lady Fujimura. The woman that crushed her rivals when they tried unsuccessfully to flex their muscle. The woman that stepped up and took control in the power vacuum her grandfather's death created. The woman that did what she had to do to protect her so-called 'family'; the only yakuza in this country that still clung to the old ways of honor and loyalty.
"It's been a while Taiga." She glances at her men from the corner of her eye, judging their levels of preparedness. They notice her look and understand what it means. Be ready to gun him down if he makes a wrong move.
I'm not confined to using such a blatantly obvious tell. Sending Saber a mental command is much easier, and inconspicuous to boot. Be ready for a fight.
"Explain exactly why you felt the need to attack my men." Gone is that playful attitude. That ridiculous moment of comedic relief ushers in one of the most stressful moments of my life.
Not because I'm in fear for my life. Saber could handle them easily. I wouldn't even need to move a finger. But that's not why this is stressing me out. No, my nerves are acting up for one simple reason. If I screw up here I'm going to remain broke. And if I'm broke I'm not going to have any of the freedom I had in the past. That's not something I can allow during a war. I need to keep all options available. Only having 32 cents in the bank doesn't allow me to even get a soda from a vending machine.
"They wouldn't let me in."
Taiga waves one of the men forward. He hurries to her side. I'm going to call this guy Otto. Not because he looks like Bismarck. If he did I'd have some modicum of respect for him. No, I'm calling him Otto because he looks like the main character from that goddamn hideous kid's show Rocket Power. Ever seen an ugly Japanese man with a fake tan and dreadlocks? No? Your life is ten times better than mine.
Taiga and Otto have some words. By some words I mean exactly eight. I can hear them, mainly because she's not trying to be quiet. "Did your men stop them from entering?"
"Yes." He says this so bluntly that I can't help but question the man's IQ levels. He's either as dumb as his namesake, or he's constipated. Why is he constipated? Well, it's simple. He just doesn't give a shit.
Of course, there's a fine line between stupidity and bravery. Clearly this man crossed that line. Taiga drop kicks his ass. You think I'm joking? I'm not. She pulls something straight out of the WWE. Her security team even cheers her on. One even takes off his shirt to proudly display a tattoo he has on his stomach of her face. Strange, I thought Kiara was the only cult leader this side of town.
I can't help myself. I start snickering. That quickly becomes a giggle. Then, a full-blown guffaw. This is just too absurd. It's like something out of a bad slice of life comedy drama. Is this real life? Or is just a fantasy?
The resounding crack six inches above my head tells me this is in fact reality. The noise puts an end to my merry mood. I inch my view upwards. Saber once again saved me. Taiga's somehow managed to rearm herself. Except this time, it's an actual weapon being used on me. A naginata. It's a Japanese polearm. A favored tool of cavalry and footman alike and preferred spear of the samurai.
I've always found spears to be the most impressive form of bladed weaponry. They're basically the Kalashnikov of antiquity. It could be argued that more people have died to the various forms of spears than to any other weapon in humanity's arsenal, past or present.
And now I currently have one hovering above my face. Like an executioner seeking to end my life. The guillotine is coming down to decapitate me.
I would have been ended right then and there had Saber not intervened. The thought causes me to sweat. A drop falls from my nose and lands on the tile floor below my feet.
"Thanks Saber." She nods. Her eyes are dead set on the enemy that just tried to strike me down. This mere mortal dared to test her. A Heroic Spirit being challenged by a normal human. The very notion is preposterous. But you know what the scary part is?
Saber isn't offended by this slight against her capabilities. If anything, she's intrigued. Her appetite has been whetted. Why is this the case? Well, it's simple. Taiga's blade is only six inches from coming down on me. It was at least two feet away the last time Saber blocked her. She almost overwhelmed Saber in speed. That's impossible. No normal person should be able to be so fast. Especially not a mundane human lacking the aid of magic. Either Taiga's a cyborg, or she's the fastest swordsman alive.
"It was rude to laugh at his pain." Her eyes twinkle. I can tell she's fighting back the urge to laugh. This just means she isn't being serious right now. So that attack was nothing more than a ploy? Perhaps a power play to put me in my place? No. It's much simpler. Taiga just enjoys screwing with people's heads.
"I'm going to hold the wellbeing of my men against you." And just like that the mischievous look in her eyes disappears. Like air whooshing out of a popped balloon. It indicates she's serious about this. She values her men's wellbeing. As any suitable leader ought to, mind you. I can't help but admire that loyalty. Judging from the weeping coming from her so-called 'guards' I feel I'm not the only one that's impressed. She has her own personal fan club. How quaint.
Praetor, do you wish for me to organize a fan club of our own? In a day I could amass a small legion by my name recognition alone. Saber sounds splendidly giddy over such an idea.
Now's not really the time. Build a club for yourself first. I toss that in there as both a diplomatic offer and a distraction. If she's working on such an inane project, she'll be busy. If she's busy, she won't be able to pester me with other inane projects. My logic is sound, no? I feel like I'm forgetting something. Like the entire reason Saber's here …. Oh, shit.
Disregard my last comment.
Ah, so this means you do want a club for yourself! I understand, Praetor, I will work on our organizations simultaneously. We will each be one another's number one fan! The mental image makes me shudder.
"Huh? Felt a draft, did you?" Taiga's drawl brought me back to the actual problem at hand.
It might take a little while though. Rome wasn't built in a day after all. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I glance back at the woman that's been pestering me. She grins at me, effortlessly continuing to hold back Taiga's blade.
I cough into my fist and rub my shoulders as if I'm cold. "I must be catching a cold." Before Saber can interrupt with some ridiculous statement like 'I can make you a marvelous stew to relieve your ailments' I continue, a victorious smirk plastered plain as day on my face. "Or maybe it was a ghost?"
Taiga's face turns pale white, the same color as parchment. "G-g-g-hosts?" She stutters this out. The naginata is pulled closer to her, and she holds it like a little girl would hold a teddy bear protectively. Saber blinks, utterly thrown off by this change in attitude.
Immediately her squad pushes up to surround her, a human wall of fat, muscle, and copious amounts of hair gel. "We'll protect you, Boss Lady!" They shout this as one single unit, a unified chorus of men bound by duty to protect their liege. Holy shit, I need this type of loyalty. This is something you can't just buy. Who the hell did she kill to get them this dedicated? How much of their insurance is she covering?
"Oh! I see it right there!" They turn in the direction I point at. I expect them to do something stupid like punch at the air or something. What I don't expect, and what I should have, was them firing into the air.
Saber instinctively rushes in front of me, assuming the gunfire was going to come my way. Well, she assumed incorrectly. These dipshits turn the roof into Swiss cheese. Ever heard thirty rifles go off at once? Ever heard thirty fully loaded magazines emptied in the span of three seconds? No on both accounts? Lucky you. I just had that unpleasant experience. And I think I'm deaf now. Wunderbar.
"Saber? Disarm these morons before they hurt someone by accident." I can't hear her response, but judging from how she charges at them, I'm assuming she's following my orders. Or she's going to kill them all. At this point I don't even give a damn either way.
"Analyze." A quick check up on my ears informs me they've managed to burst my left eardrum. I sigh at this inconvenience, ignoring the hollow ache coming from my ear canal. Touching the ear, I mutter to myself the next spell necessary to avoid being permanently hearing impaired. "Alter."
It takes far too much prana for what I'm doing. If I'd learned healing magic this would be much more efficient. Instead I have to reshape the eardrum using only what I was able of analyzing and the iron in my blood as a reference. Essentially I'm doing surgery blind, deaf, and dumb. I might as well start drinking next. Pesci knows I could seriously use a brewski right now.
I watch with mild amusement as Saber disarms Taiga's crew. Unfortunately, she tends to slice their guns in half more often than not. Inwardly I cringe at the loss of good weaponry. Outwardly I also cringe. But that's more from the uncomfortable itching I'm feeling due to how I'm fixing my ear.
I'm glad when the damage is repaired. I'm still hearing an airy sound with my left ear, almost as if I had a conch shell pressed against the ear. It's annoying. But at least I can sort of hear something. I'll need to see a doctor in order to sort this out completely. I'm sending the bill to Taiga.
Speaking of Taiga, she's escaped from that unpleasant situation relatively unharmed. Courtesy of the earplugs she's now removing from her ears. Did she … play me? Or are sporadic bursts of untrained gunfire a common occurrence around here? I suppose she wasn't really looking for talent when she hired this miserable lot. Maybe that's why they're so loyal? She's probably the only one stupid enough to give them a job.
Is that guy that tried to stop me outside the online semi-competent member of her organization? If so, I can't allow that to continue. Good talent shouldn't be allowed to go to waste.
Taiga's men are now shouting at each other. Not because they're angry or anything like that. No, there's a simple explanation as to why they feel the need to raise their voices. I only went temporarily deaf in one ear. They've just become permanently deaf in both. Fucking morons.
Saber gives me a look that sums up my emotions quite well, a mixture of confusion, pity, and amusement. We're gazing upon a train wreck, and we can't turn away from the sight.
"This … this is the best of your men?" Taiga gives me a sheepish grin. She awkwardly scratches the side of her face, obviously stalling while she racks her brain for a proper answer.
"Well … they're my bravest men?" That shouldn't be a question. If you're going to say something like that you should say it with pride and without hesitation.
"Bravery and stupidity are not mutually exclusive."
"Oi! What the hell did you just say to me, Tatsuki!"
"What?!"
"What'd you say about my mom?!"
"Do I want to go to the prom? What the hell?"
"That's it! I've had enough of your shit, Tatsuki!"
As if to prove my point, they all start fighting. It's a mosh pit of morons. I gesture to the brawl unfolding in front of my eyes, and give Saber a pleading look. She sighs, and her shoulders slump in defeat, but she does what I ask of her. In ten seconds thirty men are knocked out by a girl under five feet tall.
Taiga blinks at the blatant show of force. "I see why you hang around her." She remarks dryly, clearly unnerved yet unwilling to show it.
"Why else would I?" Saber frowns at me, which makes me feel like a slight ass. But it's not like we've met each other under normal circumstances. She's a killing machine, and I'm, well, me.
Taiga looks over Saber's appearance, a knowing grin forms on her face. Her eyes sparkle. I regret asking that question. "What did I tell you, Dante? Did I not warn you about breaking a fair maiden's heart?!" She swings her naginata at me.
I'm prepared for it this time, so I easily block it just below the blade with my arm. The force of the blow would normally break bone, but I've already applied an extra layer of reinforcement to ward off such a fate. I've let her have her fun. We've played this little game. But I've had enough of it. I'm a busy man, and I have places to go and people to see. A show of force is necessary to send a message to Taiga and her ragtag group of yakuza.
"Saber. Break that thing in half." Her sword slices clean through Taiga's weapon, effectively making it as useful as her broken shinai.
I grab the blade. Prana flows through my circuits and into the metal. I don't even need to use my aria. This is a weapon already, it doesn't need any coercion to change one tool of war into another. And just like that I have a revolver in my right hand, pointed straight at Taiga's forehead. My left hand's already reaching back for the Pico in anticipation of her resistance.
Saber tenses in anticipation of a fight. I can't tell if she's displeased by the action I've taken or not. To be honest it doesn't matter now.
Taiga looks straight into my eyes, her steely gaze meeting mine. "It's been a while since I've had a gun aimed at me." She says this nonchalantly, as if she were commenting on the weather.
"That just means you've gotten complacent." She's been teasing me. Shifting from serious to playful at the drop of a hat. This meeting was supposed to have been a business discussion and nothing more. Instead she's made a mockery of it. Her men are as loyal to her as ever, but they're incompetent. She's still in her prime, even though she's in her forties, but she's gotten too relaxed.
"I called you ahead of time. You knew I was going to show up and you didn't even give your men a forewarning?"
"I figured they'd beat some sense into you."
She points her index finger at my accusingly. "The last time I saw you was two years ago! You think you can just waltz in here without so much as an apology?"
I flip the safety, relaxing my grip on the weapon as I stop pointing it at her. My left hand lets go of the Pico and pulls my shirt back down to cover it. "You know where I live. You could have done the same anytime."
Taiga pouts; seemingly back to her childish behavior now that a pistol's not aimed at her. "You don't have a doorbell."
What? "Have you never heard of knocking?" When she doesn't answer I start walking away.
"Come on, Saber. We'll just talk to one of the smaller groups around here."
"Wait!"
"Ignore her. Don't look back."
"You can't go and aid one of my rivals!"
I whirl around, ignoring my own advice. Saber almost runs into me. "You have my phone number!"
"And?"
"You could have called me any time!" My head hurts from this stupidity.
"Praetor, is she some sort of ex-lover of yours?"
"Why do you have to start now? I'm already losing enough brain cells as is."
"So the rumors are true …." What rumors?
Taiga charges at me, instinctively I flip off the revolver's safety. Saber stiffens, preparing to strike her down. When she's within ten feet Saber swings at her, her sword cleaving a path straight towards the woman.
Without stopping, Taiga dodges, bending backwards to let the blade fly past her. For a brief moment I have a vivid image of her in a Hawaiian shirt doing the limbo. This woman isn't human.
She dodges another blow, one that should have separated her head clean from her shoulders. And before Saber can attempt another strike, before I can so much as get an aim on her, she's in my face.
I'm immediately wrapped in an uncomfortable hug. So sudden is the act that I drop the revolver in surprise. Luck must be on my side though, as the weapon doesn't accidentally discharge from the fall. "Oh, I'm so happy for you! You finally got a girlfriend!"
End my miserable existence. I'm about to use a Command Spell to have Saber thrust her blade through the both of us. I'll sacrifice myself for the good of humanity if it means the death of this nuisance of a woman.
"Girlfriend?" Saber is the one that says this. I don't like her tone of voice. It's too … girly for a Heroic Spirit/former Roman emperor.
"I … can't … breath …." Despite her overall lacking in the breast department, Taiga's still managing to suffocate me with her itty bitty tities. I don't know if that's pathetic or impressive. Probably both.
I'm being held like a proud mother would hold their teenage son. It's beyond degrading. I'm a grown ass man, goddammit! "Stop …."
I was a fool to come here. Nothing productive has happened. I'm just having my time wasted. It's like going on a painfully boring side quest in an MMO only to earn an abysmally miniscule amount of experience.
I manage to push the woman off of me, freeing myself from her iron grasp. "Do you want my guns or not?!"
"You've grown up so fast!" I didn't meet you until I was in my early twenties! You don't even know how old I am?!
"Do you want the guns?!"
She waves the question away. "Of course. Same rate as before. But that's not important. Let's talk about you."
"Let's not."
"When's the wedding?"
Saber brightens up at this. Don't play along with this to torment me, woman. I'm not in the mood. "When's yours?"
Deflection is the best tool to avoid confrontation. I don't have the time nor did I have the patience to carefully explain the misconception Taiga's make. Knowing her, most of that conversation would probably be forgotten. The truth is often less interesting than romanticized fiction. Telling her that Saber is Emperor Nero back from the dead to fight in a war for the Holy Grail would probably intrigue her less than the idea that Saber's some tough independent woman that's managed to have whipped me.
She blushes substantially at my counter, seemingly taken aback by how forward I am. I'm disappointed that she's surprised. She's supposed to be a hardened criminal warlord, not some high-schooler confessing to their crush. A few years of no action and this is the result? Pathetic. I'm going to have to beat this group into shape. Proper equipment does little good without proper training. I can't just give a bunch of morons a bunch of guns and expect them not to shoot themselves in the foot. Or worse, shoot some poor innocent bystander by accident and toss me into the local news.
"You're like, what, forty-three? Forty-four? And you're still single." I snort in amusement. "How many cats do you have?" Saber. I mentally send her an IM. I want you to hold her off when I run. On the count of three.
What?
No time for questions. One.
Taiga turns scarlet as blood rushes to her head.
Two. I can practically see the blood rush to her eyes, it gives her the appearance of a hungover drunk.
Three. Her maw opens in a glorious roar, the sound of a predator declaring to their prey that they hunt was on.
I lightly jog out of the room, stopping just long enough to pick up the AK in the hallway before breaking out into a full on sprint for the front door.
"And don't hurt her! I can't get paid if my buyer's dead!"
Muffled screaming was my only response as the two women clashed in battle.
I make it through the security gate that borders the Fujimura compound, wheezing from the exertion, my hands on my knees as I bend over to catch my breath.
"So, that takes care of them." My cell phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull the object out and answer the incoming call.
"Yo, Dante?"
"Who else, the Queen of Sheba?"
"You know what? This would be so more efficient if you resisted the urge to be an asshole for one second."
"I haven't been an asshole to you for three years."
"Yeah, because you were being an asshole by ignoring us for three years."
"Kazoo is this really the time to rant your frustrations at me?"
"I told you not to call me that."
"But you're totally the Kazooie to my Banjo."
"It's Kazumoto! Not Kazu. And definitely not Kazoo!"
"I rather like the sound of Kazoo to be honest. It sounds silly and whimsical, completely unfitting for someone of your 'position'."
"I just called to tell you we took care of that bank prick."
"What'd you do to him?"
"Well, none of us were really that good at drawing. But Yagami is always writing shit in his notebook so we figured we could go ahead and have him give it a go."
"What."
"It was more of a stick figure type thing, not really that impressive. But I think it counts."
"What."
"And then we got a ton of those rolls of coins from the bank and chucked them at him until he started crying."
"…."
"It was kind of pathetic so we just kind of patted him on the back and told him to go home early. Security guards escorted him out and everything."
I … just can't even.
"Then I opened a savings account and got a free toaster. They got like a 1.00% intro rate for the first six months. That's badass."
"Exactly why I opened my account there."
"Yeah, who knew you had any idea how to handle money. I would have thought you more like the type to blow it all on cocaine and hookers."
"…."
"Yeah, so just calling to tell you 'mission accomplished'. That's about it. The Underground's still getting renovated a little. Should be up by tomorrow."
"You know, I asked you to make sure he was 'drawn and quartered'."
"Well we kind of did that. I just told you that. And it was kind of a pain in the ass, so I was thinking I should get a raise or something for wasting my time on something so stupid."
"I didn't mean to literally draw him and then rain quarters down upon him as if he were a particularly inexpensive stripper."
"Oh." There's a pause as that revelation dawns on him. "Oh!"
"Yeah. 'Oh'."
"You're a sick fuck, you know that?"
"You said 'consider it done'! I assumed you understood my implications!"
"Remind me again as to what the hell a 'drawn and quarter' looks like?"
"For the love of Pesci, can't you look it up on Google?"
"I don't want the NSA spying on me."
"We're in Japan!"
"And? The Harweys showed up yesterday. Who knows who else is popping up in Fuyuki nowadays."
"Excuse me?" I could feel the color draining from my face at his statement.
"Yeah, I mean, you're here and you're not Japanese. Who's to say some G-Man from the States isn't monitoring what ol' Kazumoto is doing in his spare time? They could be watching me even now."
"First of all, you're batshit crazy. But I like that. You make for good conversation."
Mock sniffling comes from the phone line. "That … means more to me then you'll ever know."
"Secondly, what did you just say about the Harweys?"
"Oh, that blonde faggot and his emo brother showed up at the airport yesterday. Had some other blonde pretty boy on their heels. Probably some ass kissing little shit."
If it wasn't obvious, the Harweys were typically viewed with disdain around these parts. "Normally I'd ask you to point on the doll where them big bad plutocrats hurt you. But today, I'm too busy. Anything else for me?"
"Yeah, I got in contact with Koko, she's game to start buying from us again."
"That all?"
"Oh, yeah I got your text. Turns out some of our boys helped that lady friend of your moves in. They saw you earlier in the week and thought you guys were an item."
"So they helped her move shit because they thought she was with me?"
"Yup."
"Give 'em a raise."
"Can do. Want me to have them move it out?"
"Nah, just get them to replace some of the essentials I'm missing."
"Ten-four."
Awkward silence hung over the line.
"So … we only selling guns this time?"
"Remember when we tried to sell a Monopoly knock-off?"
"I dunno, I kind of liked that game."
"Only guns."
"What about frozen steaks?"
"Hell no."
"Bottled water?"
"No. Just guns."
"Explosives?"
"Of course."
"Ammo too?"
"Obviously."
"Let's at least start selling kid's toys."
"No."
"I'm telling you it's a goldmine!"
"No."
"Just look at how much money Hasbro has made! We could make a killing off of bootleg My Little Pony figurines!"
"We're not doing anything big this time. Just weapons."
"Party pooper."
"Goodbye."
"What about giant robots?! Everyone wants giant robots!"
Click. I hang up on the ignoramus on the other end. Just in time too, as Saber walks up to me right at that moment.
"You good?"
"I am adequate, Praetor. That woman put up quite an excellent fight for a normal human."
"Nothing is normal 'bout Taiga."
"Quite so. I believe she would make an excellent addition to my harem."
"'Your harem'?"
"Yes, it is quite unusual for a woman of such an age to be so passionate. I cannot help but be intrigued, despite her criminal background."
"But what's this about it being 'your harem'?"
She blinks at me, caught unprepared by my question. Then a smug grin adorns itself on her face.
"Why Praetor, you are not jealous are you?"
Now I'm the one that blinks. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Her grin intensifies in its severity. "I thought you were not interested in such an idea?"
I frown, a stoic expression on my face as I weigh my words carefully in order to avoid misinterpretation.
Shrugging, I begin to try and alter the course of the conversation. "What's so great about a harem anyway?"
Saber gasps, a response that I find rather hyperbolic. "Praetor … are you not a man?"
There are so many possible ways for me to properly reply to that. I don't even know where to begin. So I settle for the safe route. The cute little sarcastic remark route. "No, I'm secretly a twelve-year-old little girl at heart." I wink at Saber in what I hope comes across as immensely creepy.
Judging by the shudder that runs through her I'll assume I succeeded in my goal.
"Praetor, never speak in that tone of voice again."
I blow a raspberry at her. "Aww, but I reeeaaalllyyy like pwetty ponies and playing with my dollies!"
The blood drains from her face. "What's a matta big sis? Ya look like ya saw a spooky ghosty!" Ok, I officially have no idea where I'm going with this. Seriously need to work on my impersonation of children, I sound more like a patronizing mobster than a young girl. Which … to be honest isn't that far from the truth.
I chuckle at Saber as I clap her on the back. "There, there. I promise never to do that again." More for my own sake than hers. My throat's aching from my attempts at a falsetto pitch.
"Pwomise?" Saber puts on a puppy dog act. We're talking the whole nine yards. Tears in her eyes? Check. Eyelashes fluttering? Check. Quivering lip? Checkamundo. I feel a slight pang of guilt strike me at my very core. It's a momentary feeling that washes away as suddenly as it comes.
Still, I can't help but feel out of my element here. Part of me wants to call her out and just smack her in the forehead. Part of me wants to give into her and 'pwomise' that I won't be a bad boy anymore. Guess which part wins out?
"What was that for, Praetor?!"
"What the hell do you think you're doing?! You're a Heroic Spirit dammit! Act like one!"
"I was merely copying the ridiculous ruse you were using against my own sensibilities."
"So now you admit to plagiarizing?!"
"What?! How dare you suggest such a thing! I am no thief!"
"You just admitted to doing just that?!"
"So you feel you have sole ownership of such an act?! Are you a fool or just out of your mind?!"
"Maybe a little of both! What's your excuse?!"
She crosses her arms and looks away from me, the expression on her face telling me that she's very displeased with me. "At least I understand the heart."
What does that even mean? I feel a sudden craving for a cigarette upon hearing such a tremendously simpleminded statement. Of course, I'm all out of those lovely cancer sticks. All thanks to Saber getting her panties in a twist. Seriously, I only blew one cloud of smoke in her face and she goes and rips the entire carton from my hands. Who the hell does that? I'm also all out of the heavier stuff. All of my alcohol was in my house. She destroyed my house. It doesn't take rocket science to deduce what happened to my stash. And without money I was without any luck. My itches could not be scratched. I could not enjoy the simple vices available to me. All thanks to this little shit.
"Listen, for the past few hours I've been trying my best to forgive you for all the ways you've screwed me over in the past few days. I've been trying. Really. Really hard." I grab the woman by her shoulders and start shaking her up and down.
"But you've been rambling about the same shit for the past three hours! Can't you just take a hint?! I don't give a damn about harems, or love, or beauty, or any of that inane bullshit you blabber on about!"
"Then what do you give a damn about?!"
There's a fire in her eyes, one that tells me I've gone too far.
I back down, taking a step away from my enraged partner in order to rethink my way of going about this. A groan sounding off in the distance buys me some time.
My response to that pained noise is a low whistle. "Jeez, that guy's made of some tough stuff." I'm giving him a little too much credit to be honest. It's probably been like a good hour since I curb stomped him. Who am I talking about? Well that's simple. The lone yakuza that stood against my charge. The one who's currently the only one getting back up while his colleagues remain collapsed on the ground.
"Gimme a sec." I ignore Saber's protests as I walk back towards the man. A leaf flutters by my face. Without thinking I grab it and pour prana through its veins. It becomes a small index card. Or perhaps a more accurate term would be 'business' card, on account of the information listed on it.
"Here." I hand it to the guy as he continues trying to steady himself. He tenses once he notices who I am. I don't give him the chance to retaliate, instead I just shove the card into his shirt pocket and take a step back after giving it a soft pat. "If you're interested in working for someone halfway competent you'll find my boys at the southeastern docks."
He doesn't respond, instead gasping in shock at what I've said. I can practically feel his jaw hit the ground. I toss the AK to him. "You're going to need this." He catches it with ease, eying the weapon for any possible damage. I'd reinserted the magazine and everything, in preparation for having to return it. My response is a halfhearted nod of respect. Sweet.
Upon making my way back to Saber I gesture to the guy with my thumb. "You want to know what I give a damn about? It's quite simple. Guns, gold, and guts."
She ponders that for a moment. "Guns, gold, and guts?" Then she tosses the statement back at me, this time turning it into a question with the inflection of her tone.
"Guns for shooting. Gold for funding that shooting. And guts for having the mettle to do that shooting."
She frowns at me. "Are you truly that simple-minded, Praetor?"
I reply with a cocky grin proudly plastered on my face. "Could I not say the same about you? Your main focus in life is beauty. Mine is firearms."
My words draw an understanding out of her. Comprehension dawns on her face, and her shoulders tense up as she realizes the implication of my words.
"We are alike. Both of us share a one-tract mind."
She states it without me needing to guide her.
"Aye. You believe everything originates from beauty. I believe it originates from guns."
"Then explain how things existed without them? What of the past?"
"What of it? Everything is history was an arms race towards firearms. Were bows not primitive guns? And spears? Were they not the rifles of their time?"
"Praetor, I do not understand what you are suggesting."
"Simple. Mankind has had a constant struggle to perfecting the art of war. Firearms have granted us that. Therefore, everything we are, everything we will be, is defined by the guns we make."
She looks my eyes, and from the manner in which hers widen I can tell she's seen exactly what I want her to see, conviction. Honest to God conviction.
"Is war not ugly to you?"
"It isn't." I sigh. "Let us walk, it'd be better to make our way to our next destination while speaking. Educating you will take time after all."
She bites her lip at the phrase 'educating', likely because I'm coming across as condescending. It's a fair reaction. Normally I would spend time preaching to her on the glory of guns. Kiara showed me quite a few means in which I could convert someone to my perspective of life. Is that cult indoctrination? Nah. I prefer the term 'cultural enrichment'.
We start walking away from Taiga's compound, crossing the street and making our way northward, aimlessly walking forward in the direction we assume the mansion to be in.
"You said you wanted to protect this city from the war, did you not Praetor?"
"This is true. But I can't rightfully do that without causing destruction of my own can I?"
I walk side by side with her, to show that I value her as an equal in this discussion.
"Perhaps, but I can trust you will seek to avoid civilian casualties."
I can't help but smirk. "Can you now?"
She stops walking, dragging behind as I continue on ahead without her.
"Praetor. We will not harm civilians." She practically spits these words at me with such venom that I can't help but flinch.
My answer comes when I stop in my tracks. "Have we not already?"
I wheel around to face her, looking her straight in the eyes as I begin to clarify.
"Our mere existence endangers innocents."
"I do not know what you–"
"Without a Master there can be no Servants. Without Servants there can be no war. The ethical thing to do would be to order you to commit suicide."
Saber turns white. "You would do such a thing?"
I snort in amusement. "Never."
That sets her at ease, instantly causing her to regain her confident pose. "Then why–"
"Simple." I say while wagging a finger at her. "To prove a point."
My hands open up in front of me like a priest about to start his sermon. "War has no place for ethics. All that matters are power, the finances to support that power, and the courage to use it."
"And this is why I hold men that espouse that ideal in high regard. The mafia knew what power meant. They knew how important loyalty was to keeping that power. They knew that it was necessary to enforce it." My gaze goes forlorn as I cast my vision into the distance. Not to look at the buildings and the sights in front of me, but to seek something that's long been lost.
"But they lost sight of that, and began to cannibalize their organization from the inside out becoming selfish cowards without any principles." I'm no longer talking to Saber. I'm merely speaking to myself, reinforcing the convictions that I hold.
"Praetor, what relevance does this have?"
I smile, flashing a toothy grin upon my companion. "Relevance? Well that depends on what we were talking about. I forgot to be honest."
The silence is deafening.
"Was that one of your 'jokes'?" She cuts through it like a hot knife through butter.
"Well, there is a point. Trust me, there is." I hastily assure her, hopefully dissuading her from believing me to be some mere lunatic. That'd be horribly insulting. I'm not 'mere' anything. "Just try and look at it from my perspective. In time, you'll understand."
She crosses her arms over her chest, a posture I've come to expect from her. "It sounds like you are avoiding the original question."
Sheepishly, I scratch the back of my head. "Does it now? Now why would that be the case?" Slowly, I make my way away from her, backing away so I'm out of arms' reach.
"This conversation has been immensely unproductive. You have been talking in vague philosophical verbiage. And while I do enjoy philosophy, now is not particularly a proper time to indulge in such an art." She steps closer to me, instantly overtaking any distance I've put between us. "So, it seems I must reiterate my point. We will not be harming civilians in the forthcoming battles."
"Oh?" I grin devilishly at her assertion, amused at the sheer strength of conviction behind her words. "You have a soft spot for the innocent?"
She nods, deliberately and with a great deal of caution she replies. "There is not beauty in needless death. Especially if it were to happen to those with no stake in the matters at hand."
I shrug nonchalantly, a seemingly uncaring reaction to the emotion in her tone. "Seems you're lucky I wanted to be a sniper when I was a kid."
With that I turn around and walk away, ignoring the baffled expression on her face.
"You see Saber; I tie bravery to bearing arms for one simple reason." I turn to look her in the eyes, the intensity of my gaze meeting the shock in her own. "It takes nothing to pick up a gun to take a life. Not much thought at all." I take a moment to steel myself for the words I'm about to utter, taking a deep breath and shaking away any uncertainty I might feel inside. "But it takes everything to pick up a gun to save one. That's a sacrifice only the best men make." I take great pleasure in the smorgasbord of emotions that flare across her features.
"Now, with that necessary morale booster out of the way, let's get a move on! I wanna see if we can get back before they finish unloading." The moving crew is known for their speed in making deliveries. In fact, it's probably a hopeless endeavor to attempt to make it back before they're done. But I'm going to try to do it anyway.
By walking of course. Running is only good for shitty anime openings and training montages from the 80s. Right now I'm in neither of those things. Thankfully.
"Praetor?"
"Yes, Saber?"
"Do you not know the way home?"
"No. I figured you did."
An uncomfortable silence washes over us.
"Saber?"
"Yes, Praetor?"
"On second thought, forget the moving crew. I'm going to go get a drink."
"A drink?"
"Yes, the alcoholic kind. I need to drown my sorrows."
"That sounds rather … unhealthy."
I snort in amusement. "This is coming from the Roman. Weren't you guys bigtime bulimics?"
"Yes? Is there something wrong with wanting to eat more food?"
She's missing the worst part of that equation. In order to eat more food they had to vomit out their previous meal. How can Miss Beauty Queen not find that disgusting?
"In fact, I would argue that food is something you need more of. You look as if you have not had a warm meal in ages." Way to make a guy feel self-conscious.
I point in the general direction we came from when walking towards Taiga's place. "We came from that direction, which means we just have to walk back that direction to get home." I'm actually lying a little here. The direction I'm pointing at is to the northeast. We came from the northwest. But the northeastern portion of this city has a far nicer bar that I'd like to drop by.
Saber completely ignores my statement; instead she continues mumbling to herself. Likely regarding some flaw she's recognized in my appearance.
Suddenly, she snaps her fingers and points at me, her entire body shakes from the abruptness of her movements. Especially those fat glands on her chest, those shake quite a lot.
"I got it! I will make you a meal, one to surpass anything ever made in the history of cuisine!"
She nods to herself, confirming her course of action without regarding my opinion in the matter. "Yes, after all they do call it the culinary 'arts'. And as the greatest artist in history I cannot help but test out a new medium at every chance!" She does a fist pump, and I can see the fires of passion dance in her eyes. I can't help but feel like I'm going to end up being the one burned by this.
"So … I'm going to the bar now. I'll see you later." With that I wave to her and walk away from the psychopath currently listing half a dozen ways to make a soufflé. Looks like I'm going to have to block the Food Network channel. And perhaps also assassinate Anthony Bourdain. Maybe 'assassinate' is a harsh term. How about 'temporarily dispose of'? That sounds much more civil.
"Praetor? Where are you going? Wait for me!"
You know how I said I wasn't into running? My outlook has changed. Right now I'm sprinting to the nearest pub like a madman. If I get there fast enough I might be able to drink a few shots. That'll at least make me tipsy enough to have a more positive perspective on my current predicament.
"I have a wondrous idea, Praetor! When we return you could start the main course while I work on the side dishes and the dessert. Does that not sound enjoyable?" Her response from me is a loud gasp as I attempt to inhale the proper amount of oxygen to support my dash towards salvation.
"And afterwards I can paint a portrait of you. It has been some time since I have been able to use a man as a model for my art. While your physique is lacking in some regards, it would still be an interesting experience for the both of us." Ok, even I have to admit that having my own personal commissioned self-portrait does sound cool. "And of course you would have to be nude during this. After all, the human body is best viewed in all its bare glory. That is when it is in its purest form."
"Nope, change of plans, I'm just getting plastered." Seems I accidentally said that aloud. Damn.
"That seems quite irresponsible, Praetor. What of the war?" What of the war? Lady, you're the one who's planning how to go about working on your hobbies! What of the war?! Where does this war have any place for an art project? I'm just trying to ease my stress levels. I'm not going to drink just to enjoy myself; I'm doing it for a legitimate reason. Managing stress is an important part in any combat unit after all.
"Praetor, I believe we are going in the wrong way. Was not the mansion in the other direct?"
Too late, I'm not listening to you anymore. Because rights then I finally arrive at the bar I've been looking for. Or rather, the coffee shop I was looking for that happens to have cheap liquor.
"Welcome to Ahnenerbe! Would you like to hear our daily specials?"
I push my way past the cheery redhead without nary a second glance. "Beat it, Bikini."
"Praetor?" I ignore Saber's entrance and run up to the bar, slamming my hands down on the wood countertop to get the attention of the girl manning it.
"Yo, Chickamauga, get me the best bottle of scotch pronto."
The green-haired vixen behind the counter frowns deeply upon recognizing me. "Oh … it's you. Haven't I already told you to stop calling me that?"
I wave away her minor protest. "Yeah, yeah, hurry up Chimichanga. I don't have all day."
Ah, the following reaction brings me to the explanation as to why I chose this place. Well ... it's one of the two reasons I chose this place. It's quite an obvious reason. It's so easy to pick on this girl.
Her eye twitches. It twitches of all things. But, like a good restaurant worker, she obliges my request without a single word, despite how she's clearly holding back her tongue.
"Praetor, why are we here?" Saber plops into the stool next to me, her brow raised in a questioning manner.
"Simple." I point to the vast array of bottles behind the bar.
"This is the best place in town to get genuine Italian spirits."
That is the other reason.
The twinkling in her eyes warms my very heart.
AN: First of all I'm going to just go ahead and toss in this shameless plug: forums .spacebattles threads /21st-century -schizoid-man-fate- au-with- oc-master. 496022/
Apologies for the spaces, fanfiction seems to be of the opinion that ALL links are spam that must be censored. Now, I feel I should explain what that link is to (if it isn't obvious enough). Basically I posted this story on Spacebattles. So alternatively to using that neutered link you can also just search for this story on that site. I'm not going to be posting chapters early on there or anything like that, but I felt that it'd be kind of cool to have a direct line of communication with you all. Plus it can potential end up increasing the amount of people that see this, thus increasing the amount of feedback I get. And you guys know how I (and every writer worth their salt) just love feedback! I'll be able to reply much faster on their than on here so go ahead and send and questions, comments, or concerns that away if you don't want to wait two weeks or more for a response XD. Now, with that out of the way, let's get to my responses for this latest round of reviews!
Big thanks to you guys! We managed to break a record! Eight reviews for one chapter?! Sweet! Of course that does mean this'll be the longest AN yet... for better or worse.
Anthem of the Night: Speaking of your Avenger: you didn't abandon that story did you? It was an interesting concept, and I'll be a tad disappointed if you've given up on it. I sincerely hope I did justice to Taiga's character in this chapter. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess your imagination of Saber's reaction was probably ten times better than what actually ended up happening (on account of me actively working at toning down the ridiculousness of that scene). Right now I'm walking on eggshells with how I write Taiga, as I'm not completely sure of how I'm going to write her. I'm trying my best to combine how she was in Stay Night with the badass version of her that's a Lancer in Grand Order. Trust me though, the shenanigans this trio are going to get into will blow your mind. When Kiara, Rin, and Bathory get added in the equation it's going to make you think you're on an acid trip every time you read a chapter :D. At least that's my goal XD.
Gundam-Knight-Chris: Correctomundo! This Taiga is essentially how I'd imagine the Grand Order Taiga would be if she weren't inhabited by Jaguar Man. Leo's going to be a major player in all this, but Taiga's going to really just reclaim the role she had in Stay Night. Comic relief for the win!
Synthetic Knight: Thanks! I hope this chapter didn't disappoint!
matrience: No problemo! Thanks for the review!
King0fP0wers: You know, I might have gone a little overboard with Nero's response in the last chapter. In my defense, it was all in the pursuit of comedic gold! It probably would have been less out of character for her if I'd gone and added in more detail as to exactly how disgusting Dante's living arrangements were. You ever see the TV show "Hoarders"? Yeah, Dante could have been a recurring guest on that show. Well... I can definitely confirm he's not Rider. So... by process of elimination you can answer that question for yourself. *Cough I'm copying Gilgamesh's role cough*.
Who's to say I'm going to make him a Master? Mwahahahaha! I like the idea of him summoning a Caster, though. To be honest, I really debated over whether or not I was going to use Tamamo or Nero when writing GEGE (and of course this story). I ended up choosing Nero just because her personality clashes with Dante's more.
Tomster627: Well, since we never actually saw Dante struggle through blood, sweat, and tears to earn that money it does take away some of the pity I'd feel for him. Plus he's like less than thirty in this story. He's being lazy in trying to retire so young XD. He's definitely going to pay Nero back throughout this story, and she'll get him good a few times as well. It's going to be like Tom and Jerry trying to work together!
SilverstormXD: Hmm, I'm guessing you mean the show/comic Constantine and not the Emperor, correct? I can't say I've looked into it, though from what I've heard the character sounds really cool. From what I can tell he's a sort of anti-hero himself? In which case I can definitely see how Dante is similar to him!
Guest: You have a point there. That voice just contradicts everything Nero's done so far, lol. My God if that's the case I might rethink his class! Er... but I already planned out how it's going to go down so I kind of can't. I'm going to look into that though and see if I can toss in some mention/reference to that regardless. It's too glorious to let slide! Ha ha ha. No. Those gun-blades are not awesome! They look retarded! Emiya Alter looks retarded! Why the hell did Shirou go all reverse-Michael Jackson! How did that even happen?! And what are the odds that Nasu would create a Emiya Alter that's an Alter because he loved Kiara and is proficient with guns! I feel like a lawsuit is in order! :P All jokes aside, I like that idea. I really do. But I feel like it'd be too convenient for him to encounter Kanshou and Bakuya like that. I was thinking more along the lines of him morphing other famous legendary weaponry into guns to use. We're talking everything from Noble Phantasms to notorious firearms that went down in history *cough the Carcano rifle used to assassinate JFK cough* Boy, I seem to be getting a really bad cold! I also have plans in the works for Emiya Alter. Not in this story but in a possible sequel/prequel/spin-off. Hear this, Stay Night where instead of Sasaki as the Fake Assassin Medea summons Emiya Alter as the Fake Archer?