Disclaimer: This chapter starts exactly where the last one left off. Yes, right after the name revelation.
Chapter 13- The Sound of Silence
What's with that goofy ass grin she has plastered across her face? For some reason she's even closed her eyes. I can't help but think she knows something I don't. Whatever that may be, it looks like she's taking great pleasure in my ignorance. Her copying my facepalm is almost preferential compared to this. This is worse than her smug little smirks even. She's acting as if she's my senior or something. As if she's my . . . my . . . senpai (remembering the term almost makes me puke in my mouth) and I'm just some innocent naïve little junior that has to have everything explained to them.
Is there some sort of significance in her name? Something I should recall related to it?
Beats me.
It doesn't even fit her, to be completely honest. She has both her arms still and I doubt she's the artistic type. Autistic maybe.
"Odd name."
"That's really insulting coming from the guy named 'Dante Di Prinzi'."
"No, I was just expecting something more . . . Western? You're a hāfu, correct?"
"What gave it away, the hair?"
"Partially. The eye color and your facial structure confirmed it for certain." Even an untrained eye would be able of noticing her foreignness in comparison to a native Japanese citizen. My eyes are those of a craftsman's. Noticing details is my forte. At least when I'm looking for them.
"Does it matter?"
"Not really," I shrug to myself, "I'm just a gaijin after all."
A moment of silence passed between us, an awkward moment that did nothing to alleviate the tension growing.
"I was merely making an observation. No need to think deeply about it."
Rin shakes her head, like a dog trying to brush flies away from its ears. "Back on topic, you've been screwing up a lot. So much that I wouldn't be surprised if the Association decided to get involved."
My objection is best represented with a haughty scoff. "As if. They don't care enough anymore. I'd have to essentially reveal the Grail itself for them to get off their asses."
"I wouldn't push them; it won't end well for you."
"It won't end well for them either. What's your point?"
She sighs, clearly she's frustrated with the way this conversation's going. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you."
"That's why you tracked me down? To warn me?"
"No. To threaten you."
She turns, hands on hips, a heated glare adorning her gaze. "Stop drawing so much attention. You're a danger to everyone in the city and if you don't stop people are going to get hurt."
. . . I'm at a loss for words. What can I say to that? She's voicing my exact fears. The fear that I'll fail once again and repeat the mistakes of my past while trying to redeem myself. The fear that I'll end up getting someone killed without intending it.
I have no problem with people dying in this. It'd be a shame and I'd rather avoid it, but I'm not omnipotent. I can't save everyone, and truth be told I only want to save those that are important enough to warrant saving. I'm not going to abandon someone if I can do something about it, but I'm not going to drop everything to save someone's cat that's stuck up a tree.
Good Samaritans are great and all, but they don't become legends.
You have to save someone worthwhile to become a legend.
Seriously, imagine if the policeman that was supposed to guard Lincoln's booth had actually been at his post and stopped John Wilkes Booth. He would have gone down in history!
Then again, Oliver Sipple saved a president and he didn't have a happy ending. And I'm fairly certain no one knows who Jerry Sparr is . . . .
Regardless, at least they have their own Wikipedia pages. Can't say the same for the random paramedic that saves someone suffering cardiac arrest.
Sadly, that's just how the world works. The hero business is the easiest way to balance your karma and die as a good guy, but the only way you're even going to be recognized is if you save someone really important or save a ton of less important people. Assassinating someone really evil is another possibility, but I doubt there's going to be a new Hitler around town anytime soon.
Thus, I have two goals. I must protect Nero and I must protect this city.
Saving Nero would be worth it. She's been good to me, despite all we've been through. And more importantly I owe her. A lot.
Sacrificing myself for her to continue on would be a good deal for the both of us.
And . . . she'd remember me. There's no doubt about that.
She's technically immortal because she's a Heroic Spirit, right? So, in a way my memory will live on forever. The memory that I was a good enough guy to sacrifice myself for someone else. It'd be ok then if this world remembered me as an immoral war profiteer. They wouldn't for long. Eventually the last generation with any remote connection to me would die and I'm not quite infamous to go down in history based on my misdeeds. I'd be forgotten by the world. I'd be a nobody, but if Nero remembered me I'd at least remain as a memory.
And a good memory at that.
The only other option is to work my way through this entire War. I'd rather that be the case. I want to at least be responsible for some good in the world I lived in. But we can't all get our way. If sacrificing myself for Nero is an option, I'll take it. It'd be better than letting her die only to later die myself.
Would I do that for a random stranger? Would I take a bullet for a bystander?
No.
But would I want a stranger to die because of what I've done?
Pesci, no.
I would be back at square one if that happened, repeating my errors of the past.
Nothing would have changed. I'd just add another tally mark to my body count.
"For the sake of everyone, you need to shape up. That nun may not have been wiping the camera footage but she's been working overtime to keep the locals from going after you. From what I can tell you haven't been popular in Fuyuki to begin with."
Yeah, she has a point. After all, Nero did say my neighbors cheered when she set my house on fire. Shit, shouldn't have brought that up. I'm having Vietnam flashbacks just thinking about how much money she cost me.
"You came here to scold me like a child?"
"Pretty much. Since I own the Second Owner's house now I have to live up to her shoes."
"'She'? The Tohsaka's haven't been around in years. Last I heard they're all dead."
"That can't be true." There is way, way too much emotion in her words when she says that. She sounds like I just told her I'd strangled her puppy.
"Woah, calm down lady. If they're alive you'll have to give the house back."
"The deed's in my name."
"How'd that work?"
"The city repositioned it and auctioned it off to the highest bidder online. I was that highest bidder."
"Damn, I would have bought it if I'd known they were going to do that."
Now that seems to interest her, judging from the twinkle in her eye. "Oh? Do you have an appreciation for history as well?"
"Yeah, but I wouldn't have bought it because of that. I'd turn it into a haunted house. Make a fortune selling tickets to gullible kids every Halloween."
She sighs at this. "I really shouldn't be surprised to hear you say something so ridiculous."
That's another thing. It's been bugging me this entire conversation we've had. We've gone from being complete strangers, to trying to kill each other, to talking as if we're old chums. Something tells me that's not likely to happen even when two personality's mesh well. And ours most definitely do not. "I suppose I should be the one surprised then. I didn't think you could know someone after interacting with them for less than an hour."
She just shrugs, "Maybe it's because when you look at someone through a computer screen for hours on end you begin to feel they're familiar to you." She then smirks, folding her hands together above her head and stretching as she continues walking forward. "Or . . . maybe it's just because you're a really simplistic person and anyone with two brain cells could understand you?"
Hours on end . . . ? Why would you need to watch me that long? Combining all the fights Nero and I have had in the past few days would only give you a run time of maybe half an hour. Three-quarters of an hour if you included that brief car chase. In two sentences she's just admitted she's been essentially stalking me while also somehow managing to insult me along the way. How pleasant. She's like a smug, creepier version of Santa Claus, watching over all the bad boys and girls. Except instead of handing out coal she hands out suplexes.
Least she's not Krampus I guess.
"Maybe that's the case. Or maybe, we're just soul mates and you instinctively are able of understanding my plight just from meeting me?"
Praetor!
Why the hell are you taking this seriously? I'm obviously trying to get her into your harem.
Oh. Uh . . . but of course! I would expect nothing less from my Praetor after all. I wish you good luck, she will be a mighty beast to tame.
That tone wasn't convincing in the least. She sounded legitimately jealous there for a second. I'm going to ignore it for now, because she's clearly lost the plot. It's obvious why I'm chatting up this Rin chick. To screw with her. Rile her up and get her to spill the beans. I don't honestly believe she came to me just to tell me I needed to fix her house and warn me about endangering civilians. Nothing in my life can ever be that simple. People that concerned for the plight of strangers don't exist. There's no way she'd potentially risk me shooting her on sight just to coerce me into caring more about civilian casualties.
But, I'm not stupid. There's no need for calling her out on her bullshit right off the bat. I'll give her a few hours of my time, allow her to lead me to a doctor that can heal me, and then try to interrogate her for intel.
I also should inquire as to why Nero called her a 'beast'. Then again, I don't have to per se, so I should probably just let that slide. I don't want to talk about any 'taming' with the person that castrated a slave boy to make 'him' a woman.
Now that is something I should bring up when I get the chance. Poor Sporus. 'That mere white curd of ass's milk' might have been history's first instance of a trap.
"What are you on about? As if. I'd never be the 'soul mate' of a plebian such as yourself."
My attempts at rousing her were not very successful. Maybe I should just go back to calling her a whore? No . . . I don't want a first-person perspective on life in the ring a second time, thank you very much.
"That's rather unfortunate." I let that statement hang, not wishing to elaborate in the off chance that it might give her a means of wiggling her way into normal conversation. It makes the atmosphere around us purposefully awkward, causing Rin to lapse into silence when she has no idea how to continue. It's only fair that I do this. She was responsible the last time this conversation got awkward.
After a good minute and a half of her embarrassingly coughing into her fist and me walking as slow as possible behind her (of course I have to give off that 1980s serial killer vibe for intimidation purposes) I jump back into the conversation as if nothing strange had even been said to begin with.
"I believe you said there were a 'few other things' you wanted to talk to me about? So far, we've only talked about me endangering civilians. Anything else you'd like to add?"
She shakes her head, but I can tell it's not done so to answer my question. The furious nature of which she does it leads me to believe that she's trying to clear her head before addressing the change in topic. "Yeah, I have a few things to talk about. But why don't we deal with that after everything else is taken care of?"
"Meaning?"
She sighs, her shoulders slumping in the act. "Meaning after you're healed and my house is fixed."
"Speaking of me being healed, who is this doctor we're going to anyway?"
"She's not really a doctor . . . more of a nurse."
Oh? That's just wonderful. I ask for a doctor and she brings me to a nurse. Granted any amateur knowledgeable in novice healing Magecraft can pull this off, but it's the thought that counts, y'know?
"I asked for a doctor. That was the deal, was it not?"
"Your injury doesn't seem to be that drastic, judging from how you described it and your lackadaisical treatment of it. Anyone remotely proficient with healing spells could probably fix it. To be honest, I'm not sure why you haven't fixed it yourself already."
"I'd rather have a professional look at it. Healing magic isn't my forte, and the inner ear is a complex thing. It'd be pointless to waste prana on attempting to heal something, only to make it worse."
She starts snickering. "So . . . what you're saying is . . . you don't even know the basics of Thaumaturgy?"
I can't help but frown. She's seen right through me. "No, that's not at all what I was saying. But if that's how you determine someone's proficiency in Magecraft then, by all means, why don't you heal my ear?"
She just starts laughing louder. "Ok, first, we both know you're trying to change the topic. Second, name one reason why I would waste prana on fixing your problems? What would I get out of it?"
"Well, you'd certainly save us both time spent on walking."
"What if I want to walk? I'll have you know I enjoy calisthenics and one of my favorite hobbies is hiking. It gets the blood flowing, and, judging from your mental ineptness, that's something you need dearly."
"You're arguing that wasting my time is for my own good?"
She stops in place, spinning around to face me head on. "It's not wasting time, it's called exercise! What, do you think sports are a waste of time too?"
I'm not all impressed by her haughty attitude, nor am I impressed with the index finger she has wagging in front of my face. This girl definitely has some things in common with Nero. It's like she took all of her bad qualities without keeping any of the good.
I will have you know, Praetor, that I do not have a single bad quality within me.
You say this while displaying one of your worst qualities.
That being?
Your arrogance.
Just another word for self-confidence and pride in oneself.
Using that logic, gluttony could be considered just an enthusiastic enjoyment of food.
Is it not?
I'm starting to see why you were considered to be the Antichrist.
Umu . . . don't bring that up, Praetor.
"It depends on what you'd consider a sport." I mean, it goes without saying that I'm not going to enjoy any sport that requires a team to play it. A while back Kaz tried to organize a game of baseball with me and a bunch of guys he rounded up. At the time he was big into that sort of thing. Wanted to become pro. Well . . . it didn't work out. I may or may not have 'accidentally' tossed a beanball when his team started clobbering us. It may or may not have 'unintentionally' hit Kaz in the nose. He may or may not have needed facial reconstructive 'surgery' to make himself look presentable after that. Hey, at least I paid for it. And we didn't even have to deal with an English Mastiff either. It could have been worse.
I was banned henceforth from all their games. Not just baseball either. They tried a Super Smash Bros. tournament once. I was banned from that. Kaz was afraid I might find a way to cause bodily harm with a plastic video game controller. What a wimp.
"Fine, name a few things you like that you'd consider sports." Does heckling count? It takes practice and commitment to pull that off and I do enjoy doing it.
"Plinking, hunting maybe?"
Rin starts nibbling away at her lower lip. A nervous tick, perhaps? Or is this just another way of antagonizing me? It's quite annoying actually, like watching someone pick their nose. You just want to slap them to get them to stop. "I'm not sure what that first one is, but I'm fairly certain hunting isn't considered a sport. But I can't complain too much, at least in doing it you're getting in shape."
"Not really. My dad would just drive his pickup truck as far into the woods as he could. Then we'd shoot at passing deer from the bed of it using FLIR scopes."
She blinks twice at me, seemingly dumbfounded for some reason. "Your . . . dad?"
"Yeah. My dad. How are you surprised I have a dad?"
"I'm not surprised about that! It's just . . . wait." She holds her entire hand up into my face now, practically forcing me to 'talk to the hand'. It's the universal gesture for 'shut up'. This can't be good. "Damn."
"What's . . . ?"
"Look out!" Rin cuts me off midsentence, tackling me to the ground before I can even fathom what's going on.
There's a loud boom that goes off and all of a sudden I feel pinpricks of discomfort on my exposed flesh. Dirt and debris rains down upon me. Clumps of soil and pieces of wood from the surrounding trees. It's like a mortar round just detonated fifteen feet away.
"Praetor!" Nero's taken physical form, materializing within reaching distance from me with her sword drawn.
"Are you alright?" I'm vaguely aware of a warm feeling pressed against my chest. Upon closer inspection I seem to have been tackled to the ground, the culprit of this assault being the twin-tailed girl sitting atop of my abdomen.
She's kneeling upon me as if I'm some sort of prayer rug, not at all discomforted by the fact that she's crushing my goddamned ribs by applying her weight on top of my body armor. And I thought it was bad enough when she was sitting on my back. Also, what is that goddamn awful smell? Is that her . . . perfume? Pesci, now I know why Nero mentioned this before! I should have brought that gas mask with me because I feel like I've just been exposed to some makeshift nerve agent. My eyes are watering like I've just (spoiler sixty plus years in the making inbound) watched Old Yeller get shot!
"Can you get the hell off of me? Pretty please?"
"I don't know . . . you make a nice pillow. I might have to sit here for– waaah!" I shove her off unceremoniously, getting some minor satisfaction from the 'oof' sound she makes when she lands beside me. "What was that for?!"
Ignoring her, I begin looking around to clarify what the hell just happened. There's a large crater in the ground, around ten feet away. It looks like a missile crash landed there. Vaguely I'm reminded of the aftermath of my RPG shot, albeit this is slightly less chaotic and concentrated in one focal point.
That focal point being the exact center of all this destruction. There's a spear embedded within the concrete. I use the term 'spear' loosely. In reality it looks more like a massive carving fork, just with one prong being shorter than the other. There's also what looks to be a cord running down it's shaft. So maybe it's just some odd sharpened variation of an electric tuning fork? If electric tuning forks exist, that is. The thing has a liberal application of bling on it to boot. There are jewels engraved into the weapon, I'm guessing amethysts, but they could be rubies for all I know, and the metal itself seems to be silver with how it's shining in the sun. Though that's probably just an optical illusion, a quick pat down of the object would tell me exactly what it's made from but I doubt I'll have the luxury to examine it closer.
Why is that you may ask? Simple. It vanishes, breaking apart into a cloud of barely visible dust before leaving this plane of existence completely. For all of two seconds.
"Huh? I'm kind of surprised I missed you, Pig."
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to make sense of all of this. I'm dealing with a Servant. One who wields a glorified barbecue fork. One that's calling me a 'Pig'. One that's probably going to try and cut a slice of ham out of my ass. Unless . . . .
"You know, it's pretty rude to call Rin a 'pig'. She doesn't smell that bad. I can't vouch for her table manners though."
"I just saved your life and you're insulting me? In front of the person that tried to kill you?" Incredulous is more than just an eleven-letter word. It is the perfect description of Rin's facial expression. I can't think of a better word to match the sheer stupefied state she's stuck in.
Poor girl is looking at me as if I stabbed her in the back. I did nothing of the such. In fact, she should be pleased that I tried to defend her prematurely. If Nero's first reaction to her was the scent of perfume she wore, no doubt this Servant would notice the same.
I'm merely serving as Rin's personal public relations representative, preemptively striking while the iron's hot and protecting her from any incoming criticism related to that godawful perfume she's doused herself in. I'm just being a good frenemy and helping her avoid future embarrassment.
Totally not trying to place her as the center of attention and distance myself from that 'pig' label. That would be completely ungentlemanly of me. And what am I if not a superb example of gentlemanliness?
"Actually, I was talking about you, Pig."
The Servant points at me, extending a talon straight in my direction. Did I mention she has talons? Or are they claws? Is there even a difference? Regardless, the oddity of a Heroic Spirit singles me out. I mention she's an oddity because her appearance is something that would stand out in any crowd. And not in the way Nero would. I wish her clothes were the only strange thing about her.
This . . . 'girl' (and I use the term lightly) has situated herself on the highest branch of a nearby tree. Like some great harpy perched, waiting for the mice below her to try and run before she's willing to give chase.
Her appearance is a mixture of 'dragon' and 'Lolita maid'. She's wearing this strange gothic like dress. There are frills at the elbows, wrists, and the skirt itself. It's colored a weird combination of pink, white, and black. Her shoes are odder. High heels. With big ass pink spikes at the toes sticking straight up. That's a safety hazard, especially considering she's balancing herself on top a tree branch.
As for her 'dragon' attributes? Simple. The chick has a pair of horns on her head and a forked tail sticking out from under her skirt. She's either going for 'dragon' or 'succubus' and her complete lack of 'assets' makes me think it's the former and not the later. Can't really pull off 'lust inducing demoness' when you're still in a training bra. Oh, and she's also got pointy ears. Pointy ears. Like a fucking elf. And not the Will Ferrell kind. Maybe she's not really a Servant? She could just be your garden-variety loon. One that just so happened to have recently burglarized a costume shop.
In summary, she looks like an abomination conceived in the mind of some rich marketing executive in an effort to appeal to adolescent boys. Hence the piercing greyish-blue eyes and the anime like reddish-pink hair. Aforementioned executive was likely also a big fan of 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' because I can't think of any explanation for the reptilian aspects of her.
Besides her being a half-assed furry.
Then again, perhaps I'm just being overly critical of the Nero rivaling degeneracy before me because she's tried to kill me, apparently also nicknaming me after swine in the process.
That might have a tad effect on my overall reaction to her.
And let's not even bring up the part about her stupid ambush attack causing me to owe Rin for saving my life. I . . . don't want to remember that.
With her outward appearance out of the way, let's get down to the nitty gritty of things. Her class. I'm in a bit of a pickle as to what it could be. My first guess would be Lancer, on account of the 'spear' in her hands. The same spear she lobbed at me. The same spear that's caused me to owe Rin a solid. But of course this would contradict the unanimous conclusion Nero and I made regarding the other Lancer we encountered. The old dude dressed in plate armor.
Could she be Assassin? It would match with the cheap shot she tried to pull off. But again, her outfit doesn't seem like something fit for someone trying to be stealthy.
Maybe she's just a really strange Caster? It would fit her overall theme of being an oddball.
"Hey!" I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder. Almost as if someone slapped me. "Are you trying to get us killed?!" Ah, that's Rin, abusing my ears even more with her shrill nagging.
"Praetor, I am ready to act upon your command." And that's Saber. She's sounding a bit overtly serious. It doesn't fit her usual personality. I wonder why she's doing–? Wait. What's that irritating sound? It sounds vaguely like someone grinding their teeth together. I wonder what that could–?
"Y-y-y-ooouuu!"
"Praetor, get behind me!" And just like that I find Nero directly in front of me, wasting no time in blocking the blow that was clearly aimed for my head. The only good part about almost being decapitated is that Rin had to clumsily dolphin dive out of the way to avoid being hit herself. She landed in a ditch nearby, using it as an ineffective trench in the process.
"Filthy Pig! Filthy uncultured swine! What do you know about fashion?! What do you know about beauty?! Nothing! You're just a dirty Pig!" Ah. I think I understand what's happening. I seem to have voiced most, if not all, of my thoughts aloud. Either that, or this dragon chick can read minds.
That's a scary thought.
"I am an idol! How dare you simplify me with such a description?!"
She's shrieking at me. It's borderline sad. How can someone be so offended by the opinion of a stranger? It's not like I'm a fashion designer or anything. For all I know her ridiculous dress is the current trend.
"Pesci, I hope not. There's not much covering that washboard of hers. It's slightly disturbing to think others could find such a look presentable."
That for sure is something I said aloud. I intended it to be such. "Rin, start retreating back to the mansion." I mumble this to the girl that's gone prone a few feet away.
My eyes are locked on the reddening face of the enemy Servant before me. I can't tell if this reaction was brought about by her anger or her embarrassment. Both, maybe? Truly it doesn't matter. Rin needs to back off though and get to safety.
I can't have her dying on me when she could potentially be useful. Whether or not she's worth it is debatable, but I at least need her to find a healer.
Not necessarily true, but I'd rather avoid calling Kaz again.
"Saber. Establish a perimeter between us and Rin."
"Gladly, Praetor." She ignites her sword, already understanding where I'm going with this.
Rin's less receptive to my idea. "Wait! You can't fight her right here!"
She's wrong. There are no civilians. No chance of unwanted casualties. Rin herself is the weakest link. If she leaves, there's no chance of someone getting hurt that I don't intend to have hurt.
"Rin, listen to me right now. Head to the mansion and await our return. You'll just get in the way."
Nero releases the flames she's capable of harnessing, directing them in a circular fashion around us. It creates a makeshift boundary, trapping us with the enemy and keeping Rin away.
It's not as good as a Bounded Field, but for now it'll serve it's intended purpose.
I turn towards the twin-tailed girl, one hand already reaching for my Pico. "We'll meet up once this is taken care of. Fifteen minutes at the max."
She grits her teeth, visibly presenting her frustration with my choice. "Wouldn't it be better to just retreat? Isn't this too close to your house?"
Now this is a bit perplexing. I would have never taken this Emiya girl for a coward. In fact, the choice to have Nero create a border between us was based mostly on the assumption that Rin would insist on backing us up.
Maybe I've misjudged her. I took her for the impulsive, hotheaded sort. Seems that might not be entirely the case.
"We've been ambushed on home ground. Where am I supposed to retreat to?" She's an idiot to suggest such a thing. If we fall back to the mansion we risk the chance of collateral damage. Scratch that. It's a guarantee there will be collateral damage with how much of a mess this enemy Servant's made already.
I'm going to have to repurpose that big ass crater into something useful. A hot spring bath could work, but it'd be kind of awkward considering it's on the main path out of these woods. I could also use it as a makeshift foxhole. Though, again, it'd be a blemish on the landscape considering this is the main path.
". . . We . . . we could push through! Make a break for the tree line and lose her in the city."
"Denied." Both Nero and I answer with the same response and it's pleasantly surprising that we're on the same wavelength.
"Rin, we still have a ways to go before we're out of this forest. She'd catch up to us easily."
"Remember also Praetor, the mansion is just up the road behind us. It would be left defenseless if we flee." Nero's got a good point. I can't have some barbaric savage ransacking my crib while I'm away. Buying it (among other things) temporarily bankrupted me for a while there. And I haven't even called the insurance company yet to get it covered!
"You're his Servant, right? Shouldn't you care more about your Master's wellbeing than a house's?"
It just dawns on me that by Nero reverting to her physical form we've exposed more than I was willing to. I . . . suppose it's not too bad though. It's not like she'd be able of discerning Nero's true name just by looking at her, and if she's been spying on us already through traffic cams she's probably already seen her.
Still, it's annoying that I wasn't able to control this entire encounter better. I'm beginning to disdain surprises. Based off of how many times I've been jumped already, it seems everyone else in this War loves them.
"I am appalled you would even suggest that. Of course I care for my Praetor more than anything else. He is irreplaceable after all."
Why in the hell do you have to get all mushy now? Is there a need for that?
"Are you so sure about that? From what I've seen you were going on a shopping spree after he overexerted himself in your first battle. That doesn't sound like you care that much."
So she's seen all of that but didn't know that the Matou kid broke into her house before I did?
Nero is understandably pissed by this comment, and I can tell she's about to go off on her. I just have to butt in or else this'll get out of hand. There's no time to waste on such bickering. If the enemy Servant before us wasn't still screaming vague threats and childish obscenities we'd probably not even be able of having this conversation.
"Rin, you still haven't addressed my first point. How do you expect us to push past her and run the three-plus hours it'd require to get out of this forest without her catching back up to us?"
And there goes her entire argument out the window. It's a stupid idea to begin with. Retreating when an enemy Servant's attacked you on home territory? Ridiculous. Why would you give up when you have a home-field advantage? What's worse was the idea to push past the enemy and into the city. Didn't she just tell me I should be more careful with civvies? Essentially using them as cover to get the enemy to back off would be taking a big risk. That's even indulging the idea that we'd somehow be able to run for three hours without this Servant catching up to us.
Rin understands this. She's not completely stupid. Which is why I'm wondering why she'd even propose such an illogical plan of action to begin with. She blinks, knowing full well that I've just made a really fair point and finding herself unable of arguing against it. I can just see the cogs in her brain turning as she tries to think of a counterpoint. When she can't she just sighs.
"You said 'fifteen minutes', right?"
Nero's grinning like a pompous prick now. She looks greatly pleased about Rin not being able to think of a good comeback. Mentally the so-called Heroic Spirit is trying to give me a high five. Mentally I'm giving her the cold shoulder.
"Yeah. Fifteen minutes."
Rin again bites her lip. (Pesci, that is probably the most irritating thing I've ever seen.) "Alright. But if you take even a second longer I'll be back!" With that she turns on her heel and runs away. With her tail between her legs might I add.
"Well, she certainly seemed to be in a hurry all of a sudden."
"Praetor, I no longer wish for that woman to be in my harem."
"Are we really going to bring that up right now?"
"Have you all been ignoring me?!" Oh? Looks like that pink-haired weirdo realized we weren't listening to a word she was saying. How should I respond to this?
"Saber, why didn't you sense her?" By continuing to ignore her of course.
She caught wind of Rin's presence. Though that was more because of the perfume than any magical indicator. Still, Servants were supposed to be able to sense each other, were they not?
"You are referring to that . . . creature in the tree, correct? It's possible she waited for us in her spirit form."
"'Creature'? I'm an idol!" Aforementioned 'creature in the tree' seems to be offended.
"Good point. I was thinking more along the lines of her being Assassin."
Nero just raises an eyebrow. "In that outfit, Praetor?"
"Hey! What's wrong with my outfit!" We might be legitimately pissing her off. Wow, and I thought that breathtakingly hate-filled rant (that we ignored) had been just for show.
"Praetor, should I answer that, or would you rather?"
"I don't think you have any room to talk when it comes to tacky clothes."
The enemy starts freaking out. I'm not kidding, she starts tearing out her own hair in front of us. Seems we've broken her. Pity.
"Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong! You're both so wrong!"
Now she's gone back to shrieking like a banshee. Except this time, she's an octave higher so it's physically impossible to ignore her. Seriously, her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. I might need to have both my ears checked up on when this is finished with.
"You were supposed to squeal like the Pig you are!" Here she madly gesticulates in my direction. "And you were supposed to bow before me, recognizing just how much I outclass you! Recognizing just how inadequate of a rival you actually are!" Now she's pointing fingers at Nero who seems to take great insult at the idea that this 'creature in the tree' could see her as a rival. "You're both so very, very wrong! And it's giving me a headache!"
Oh great, we're totally dealing with a sane human being right now. She's fucking beating her fists against her skull. What the hell is this? Self-flagellation? Should we just let her beat herself to death?
"Praetor?"
"Yes Saber?"
"I believe our foe is not quite right in the head."
You don't say?! Gee thanks, Captain Obvious. What gave it away? The malicious cackling she's currently partaking in? Or maybe the dilated pupils that make me think she's on some sort of opioid.
This was supposed to be really straightforward. She was supposed to just charge at us and get cleaved into tiny bits by Nero's sword. Simple, right? If only I remembered that things are never simple in my life.
You know what would make this better?
Gunfire.
A shot rings out. The sound cuts through the Servant's shrill laughter like a hot knife through butter.
Clang.
I'd aimed the Pico straight at her left eye, the one that wasn't nervously twitching.
"Well, looks like she's actually a Servant." She blocked the shot as if it were nothing. Not even flinching from the concussion of the gunshot.
"Was that really up for debate, Praetor?"
I shrug. "Nope, but at least I managed to stall that annoying cackle of hers." And it did in fact do that. Our enemy is completely stunned, incapable of voicing her exact thoughts on what just happened. Her brain has encountered an error and all she's probably thinking is 'does not compute'. I mean, it's not every day you see a Pig that's willing to fight back before getting slaughtered.
"Yo, crazy bitch! What the hell do you want?" Maybe Rin was right. Maybe we should have just retreated. It would have spared me having to deal with this goofy ass shit. At this point I barely even want to fight. She's completely messed with my mojo. Fighting her would accomplish very little besides getting her away from my land and potentially killing her to rid the world of her annoying presence. I have to say I'm interested in why a Master would send their rapid dog to ambush us. Maybe they were going for the shock and awe method and just thought sending a lunatic at us would work? Surely, they didn't think this buffoon would be capable enough to pull off a successful assassination?
"W-w-w-what did y-y-y-ou . . . ?"
"Praetor, I do not think rationalizing with her is going to work. She seems to be beyond that."
"You might have a point, but I'm kind of bummed out, y'know?"
"I do not understand, Praetor."
"I was expecting her to blitzkrieg us only to get her ass whooped. Instead she's just kind of sitting over their mumbling to herself. Before that she was sitting over there cackling to herself. It's just boring."
"You are not suggesting Rin was right, are you?" Oh boy, there is a hidden edge lying in wait in those words. Totally not going to walk into that trap.
"Not at all. If anything, it's now our civic duty to put her down. I just wish she was less . . . whatever she is."
"She hasn't got the brains of a sleeping two-year-old rocked in the rook of her father's arm."
"Catallus?"
"Yes, Praetor. I am surprised you are familiar with him. Do you have an interest in poetry?"
"Not really, just an interest in epic insults."
"A superb poem and a well-directed insult are both concocted by a clever wordsmith, Praetor. So, in essence your interest should be in both."
"Under that logic I could argue that a beautiful sculpture and a well-made rifle are both made by a skilled artisan, and therefore you should have an interest in both trades."
She appears to think hard about what I say. As to why this is the case, well, that's anyone's guess. There's a major flaw in my response. That being, having a knack at wordplay can easily translate to having skill in both crafting poetry and whipping up insulting remarks. Being a skilled artisan implies you've limited your focus on one form of crafting. An artist cannot simply put down his paintbrush, pick up a hammer, and start forging a sword. Well . . . Smith Corona did switch from building typewriters to building serviceable M1903A3s but . . . typewriters to bolt-action rifles isn't that far of a stretch.
Pablo Picasso trying his hand at becoming the next Paul Mauser (rest his soul) is.
"You may have a point there, Praetor. Very well. There is only one option then. I leave myself in your capable hands."
"The hell are you on about, woman?"
The semi-insane, half-reptilian she-beast interrupts us before Nero can elaborate further. "My Master is telling me to fall back." I can assume this isn't really meant for us to hear. Her tone is meek, regretful, and lacks any degree of self-confidence. Like a child that's just been given a particularly length timeout. Basically, it's more in line with the inane blubbering noises she's been making during most of this conversation I've had with Nero. A complete 180 from the audacious threats she was tossing left and right at the beginning of this 'confrontation'.
I almost feel bad for the girl. To some extent she's pitiful. But it's that kind of pitiful that just makes you want to mercy kill them, y'know? Her very existence seems painful and I can't help but question how such an oddball could be considered a Heroic Spirit. This one is far more unexplainable than the other Servants we've encountered. She's an anomaly almost on the level of Nero. But not in a good way. She's the antithesis of Nero.
She's the freaking anti-Nero!
"Praetor, did you hear what she mumbled to herself?"
"Yup. Looks like she's just wasted a good fifteen minutes of my life for no apparent reason."
"We are not going to let her escape, are we?"
Decisions, decisions. On one hand I doubt I can actually stop her from fleeing. Spirit form and all that. But on the other hand, I kind of feel like I should at least make an attempt at stopping her. I mean, she has wasted my time and she did try to kill me. This whole thing felt like she was just trying to make her presence known. It was one of those 'notice me, senpai' moments, though I pray to Pesci that Nero's the 'senpai' and not me.
"If she's going to leave we might as well give her a parting gift." I'm proud to see a knowing grin form on Nero's face. "See if you can lighten her load a bit. Cut off a limb, or maybe one of those stupid wings. It might hasten her departure."
She doesn't need to be told twice. With a battle cry that would make the Celts nod in respect, she strides straight for the spear-wielding Servant. Said Servant looks a bit taken aback that we actually decided to attack her instead of just letting her leave scot-free.
What an idiot. You ambush someone in an attempt to kill them, insult them, and then expect them to just happily wave goodbye and bid you farewell when you try to sneak off? I think I finally have a word for what she is.
She's a ne'er-do-well. A no good, dirty ne'er-do-well.
The 'fight' lasts about as long as it takes me to yawn out of boredom. Seriously, it's probably the worst fights I've ever seen in my life just because it ends so quickly. The number one member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee flounders about when she realizes she's about to get turned into mincemeat. Nero has enough brains on her not to try and rocket jump up to the dipshit's level and instead does something that would make Paul Bunyan cream his pants in ecstasy.
She cuts the entire goddamn tree down with a single stroke of her sword . . . and then she cremates the entire thing by igniting her blade and sending a torrential downpour of flames directly at our foe.
Does this hit her? Yes. But at a cost.
A sizeable portion of my fucking forest being that cost.
Smokey the Bear would be flipping his shit seeing this. Hell, I'd be flipping my shit too if not for the drain in prana such a move cost me. Did she use her Noble Phantasm just then? Why are there rose petals cascading down upon me from the sky? Am I in a CoverGirl commercial? All these questions and more flow through my head as I try desperately to turn my eyes away from the scorched mess before me.
Clang.
The sound of metal meeting metal breaks me from my daze. "No fucking way." There's no way someone survived such an attack. I lost a few acres worth of building materials because of that. At least tell me the bitch it was directed at got her ass blasted as a result.
"How are you alive?!"
It dawns on me almost instantly once I think about it. "Battle Continuation." You've got to be fucking kidding me. She's got Battle Continuation. There's no other way she would be capable of fighting back after taking such a hit.
For a split-second Nero turns towards me. Just a slight turn of the head. It's out of instinct I'm guessing. Her inherent desire to make eye contact with the person speaking to her. A completely natural response in most people.
And one that almost gets her killed.
The enemy applies pressure on the shaft of her spear, pushing Nero back and freeing herself from the unintentional clashing of their blades. Just as quickly as that happens, she tries to whip the spear around and use it to slash into the side of Nero's face.
It's a sloppy attack, not at all suited for her choice of weapon. If the spear she was using wasn't so uniquely shaped I'd imagine such a blow would be practically ineffective. From that little slipup I can be certain that she's not a very good spearman . . . or would it be spearwoman? Still, her weapon isn't shaped like the average spear so such a move is bound to cause significant damage if it lands.
Nero being killed isn't out of the question. If it landed it'd probably cleave her face in half. Even if she survived that I doubt she'd be able of living with herself. The woman cares a lot about her appearance.
Thankfully it doesn't land.
Boom!
Heroic Spirits are really fucking fast. That's a given. But how fast? Well, that's hard to determine. All I can say is that this spear chick is way faster than the other enemies we've faced. Her Agility must be on par with Nero's considering how they're almost even as far as their reflex times go.
Doesn't mean much considering I still managed to land a shot.
The Trench Gun is really, really loud. So loud that I go deaf instantly. I'm not even kidding, I didn't put enough thought in the action to prepare myself. When I fired that single shot with the Pico I could afford to think about it enough to reinforce my ears from the blast. This time I couldn't do that. All I could do was pull out the folded down version of it, unfold it, and fire.
That took less than a second. Mainly because I modified the gun to facilitate the reverse origami process. The shotgun no longer has a stock and instead it's been chopped down to just a pistol grip. The barrel's also been sawed-off to a respectable length of fourteen inches. Considerably shorter than the standard 20" length it started out with. Thankfully Saint Browning is long dead or else he'd probably slap me silly if he saw how I'd desecrated his design.
Only reason I did this is for the concealability. It's faster to fold down because there's less mass to move. This works in reverse. An object that is smaller is easier to reform after being folded down, therefore it's faster to prepare. I'd still be faster if I were drawing an already built gun (like my Pico) from a holster, but this is probably the best I can do considering I can't sling a shotgun on my back and walk through town. Without rebuilding a new gun from scratch every time I need one. The reduced weight of the shotgun with its chopped off parts is yet another benefit.
Now let's talk about the consequences of such a stupid idea.
First off, I'm deaf. More so than I was prior to taking the shot. There was a distinct pop sound that happened right after pulling the trigger and now both of my ears hurt like hell while my head feels like someone just took a jackhammer to it.
Secondly, the spread on the actual shot is so damn wide it makes Kiara look tight . . . .
Fuck. That came out wrong.
It was supposed to be a fat joke, I swear! An ironic fat joke because Kiara is obviously not obese! Don't take it that way goddammit!
Ahem. Now is probably where I should let it be known that immediately after pulling the trigger I also dropped the gun, thus removing any chance of me pulling off a follow-up shot. How'd this happen? Simple. I tried to fire a pistol grip pump shotgun one-handed. The recoil, along with my sudden deafness, kind of surprised me and because of that my grip slipped. Thankfully I hadn't been a complete idiot and managed to avoid clocking myself in the face by holding the gun a good distance out. Despite the benefits it offers (those being very few) this probably isn't a gun that should be kept on my lap at all times. At least . . . not in the configuration it is in at the moment. It's likely to cause more damage to me than the enemy.
But please cut me some slack. The main goal was to keep it in as small as a package as possible for a quick deployment time. This was done with the assumption that I'd have enough time to plaster on a replacement stock before having to actually take a shot. Was it a flawed plan? Obviously. My burning wrist and bleeding ears are a testament to that. I was desperate and reacting to a situation that could have resulted in Nero getting murdered before me.
So what if I might've sprained my wrist because I didn't reinforce it and had an improper grip on the gun?
So what if the one thing that I have readily available (the Pico's already reholstered at this point) to protect myself is lying in the dirt a few feet away?
And so what if I accidentally hit Nero as well as the enemy with that shot?
Oh yeah. Know how I mentioned the spread of the shot was kind of wide? We're not shooting from fifty yards away here (more like twenty) so I may have been exaggerating that to a degree. Doesn't matter though. Nero and the pink-haired chick were sort of close to one another. And not in the amicable, buddy-buddy kind of way.
Yeah, some of the buckshot grazed Nero. By 'some' I mean a decent amount. Like, maybe five or six of the total eight pellets that I sent down range. My aim might have also been slightly off. Ok, it may have been significantly off. Goes to show you how important it is to follow firearm safety rules. "Be sure of your target and what is beyond it" and "never let the muzzle cover anything you are not willing to destroy" are two that I really, really broke just now. But hey, she's a Heroic Spirit so she can take it. It did what it was meant to do. It caused that spear chick to deviate slightly from her intended move and hesitate. That allowed Nero to respond by cutting her in half.
Or . . . it should have.
Instead Nero seems just as distracted as the enemy and it appears my involvement (while saving my partner's life) might have just unintentionally allowed the enemy to escape. Yes, escape. The coward realizes she has a momentary relief from the battle and takes advantage of it by going into spirit form.
Whether or not this is the result of her Master (they could have used a Command Spell for all I know) doesn't matter. What does matter is that the enemy's a goddamn chicken. A chicken with a few reptilian features. Like that stupid looking tail. Screw that chicken's lizard tail.
I watch as Nero opens her mouth and begins to speak. At least, I'm hoping she's trying to talk to me. It'd be kind of weird if she just opened that pie hole of hers and began wiggling her lips around. From my fairly mediocre ability to read lips I can make out "got" and "away". The disappointed look in her eyes and the dejected slumping of her shoulders tells me everything I really need to know. Still, I can't exactly let her just assume I know what the hell it is she's saying to me.
"I can't hear you!" I don't really know if this is what I say, I'm just assuming it is because it's what I intend to say. Probably even screamed at her without even realizing it. Fuck. The only sound I'm hearing is that annoying ringing noise. It's like a fire alarm is perpetually blaring directly into my eardrum. Public service announcement everyone: tinnitus is a bitch. I'm also experiencing a bit of pain at the moment. Not just from my ears. No, remember I mentioned my wrist burning? Well, really it's my entire hand. The wrist is just the most noticeable part. It's also the most important. I can still pull something off with broken fingers, but a broken wrist is a whole nother thing in comparison.
Is it likely to be broken? No. That'd be an incredibly unlucky injury. One in a million kind of thing. I wasn't holding the shotgun properly but my form wasn't so awful that it'd cause that kind of damage. Though I suppose anything is possible. Maybe I just won the lottery in terms of crippling impairments?
Again, Saber tries to say something to me. This time I catch "Praetor" and "wrong" but really there could be a multitude of things she's saying just based on those two words. Thankfully we don't have to participate in a game of charades to be able to communicate. There's one easy way to handle this without much frustration.
It would seem that I've gone deaf.
Praetor! She sounds concerned. That's nice. I'm more concerned about the possibility that the enemy might return and try a second attempt at ambushing us (though that's unlikely). Oh, and the raging inferno engulfing the forest surrounding us is also worthy of concern.
Don't worry too much about it. I'll figure something out. Do me a favor though and put this fire out. I really would rather avoid seeing all the trees go up in flames.
Wow, I sound like some dopy hippy. The kind that'd tie themselves to a tree to stop bulldozers from tearing it down. Wait . . . I wonder what happened to that lone cherry blossom? Should check up on it sometime soon. Haven't kept up with the local news so I have no idea as to what its fate was . . . . Shit! Why is she igniting her sword again?! We need less flames not more!
Stopping the flames as requested, Praetor. And so she does, literally fighting fire with fire by creating a backfire that quickly eats up any fuel the main bit could have taken advantage of. With this done she plants her sword blade first into the ground . . . for whatever reason? Oh. Now she's leaning against it. Well that's not good.
"Nero?" Dammit. My mouth moved a little just then so I probably said that aloud without intending to.
She waves aside my likely borderline unintelligible voiced concern. It is alright, Praetor. I am merely experiencing a migraine . . . it will pass. She grits her teeth, as if she's attempting to suppress visibly showing her pain. Eventually.
Now I feel doubly bad. I can't help but be worried despite my own injured state. "Alter." I whisper this as much as possible to avoid noticeably enunciating incorrectly. It's likely she still hears whatever mumbled mess I say but I like to think she doesn't. With a single spell I solidify the blood that had already started to flow out from my ears, prematurely clotting it by forcing the iron in it to clump together. It doesn't fix the whole 'not hearing' thing but at least it stops me from making a further mess. Wouldn't want ear blood to get on my jacket. Red stains are really hard to get out of white fabric. Probably more difficult than mending ruptured ear drums. Which . . . is likely what I have. Ruptured ear drums, that is. That was probably what that pop was.
Fantastic.
Nero? Why don't you lay down if you need to? I go to place a hand on her shoulder, something that's should be sufficiently comforting for her.
I miss.
What? My hand veers off towards the left, missing Nero's shoulder by a good half a foot. If only it ended there. Before I know it, I'm starting to get closer and closer to the ground itself.
An arm stops my unexpected descent, wrapping itself around my torso and acting as my personal safety net.
Appreciate the save. Of course it's Nero's arm that came in for the assist. Which . . . now that I think about it probably isn't the best idea . . . .
We both collapse. I'm unsure if I'm the one that brings her down, or if she would have fallen on her own regardless of my interaction.
Whatever the case, the two of us are intertwined together on the dirt floor. And it's none of that romance novel bullshit where we're locked in a loving embrace or anything. No, it's a bit 'different' than that.
"Holy shit! Get off of me, you're breaking my goddamn arm!" I think that's what I'm saying. Could be something completely different, but that's what I'm going for. Yes, Nero is on my arm and she weighs much more than you'd think she would. I don't know if this is a Heroic Spirit thing or a 'you're fatter than you look' thing. Maybe a combination of both? Or maybe neither, and I'm just in worse shape than I thought I was.
Oh shit, she's laying on the arm that was holding the shotgun. It hurts like hell!
I don't know if Nero replies to this. If she does she does so vocally and not mentally. I'm not facing her at the moment. Instead I'm trying my best to get her off of me so I can get off the ground. Easier said than done considering there are limbs of my own that are currently pinning her to the ground. It's like one big fucked up game of Twister. Except without the neat plastic mat you're supposed to play on.
What makes this worse is that we're apparently both really woozy. Her from her migraine and me from the sudden bout of dizziness I seem to have acquired from losing my hearing. Either that or I'm suffering from overexerting my nerve circuits. Though I really hope that's not the case. It'd be pitiful if that happened from just a few minor usages of Alteration.
We continue contributing to this sprawling mess, probably looking quite akin to two pigs mulling about in the mud. No, I'm still not over that chick calling me 'pig'. Who the hell does she think she is? If you're going to label me some random barn animal at least call me something moderately flattering. Like 'Rooster'. I mean, who can bring themselves to hating roosters? They're the world's first alarm clock, and despite having one of the most unintentionally insulting nicknames in existence they still waltz around as if they own the place.
So, yeah. Crazy dragon lady if you're going to call me anything call me 'Rooster'. It sounds like I'm a member of a gang that uses Chinese zodiac signs as codenames. That's far more preferable than nicknaming me after pre-cooked bacon.
Praetor, this . . . doesn't seem to be working.
You can say that again. The problem is that we're both trying to be the first to get themselves untangled. In the process we're just fighting with one another, prolonging our time in the dirt.
Alright. How about you get up first? Use the sword for support to pull yourself free.
That might be the best idea.
Even if it isn't, it's far better than wallowing in the dirt.
I can agree with that, Praetor. I might need a new outfit after this is all done and over with. What kind of emperor would I be if I allowed myself to waltz around in a soiled dress?
Strange. I was under the assumption that her clothes could dematerialize and rematerialize on command. Sort of like her sword and, well, herself. Shouldn't she be able to just replace the damaged and dirtied cloth by doing that? Probably. Which means she's just trying to use it as an excuse to go shopping. Pesci, my wallet's going to take another hit.
Hopefully this won't be as fatal a blow as last time.
And what kind of Praetor would I be if I allowed my Emperor to be seen in rags?
If she replies to that she does so audibly. Probably with a nervous cough or something like that. The only indication I have as to what her reaction is are the emotions she lets spill through our mental link. Those being shock, awe, and an underlying touch of pride. It's safe to say she was expecting me to shoot down her idea without a second thought. I could have, but what's the point? Might as well humor her. Wasting time shopping for clothes during the War might sound ridiculous (hell, it is ridiculous) but it might just be the slice of mundanity I need after the chaos of the last few days.
Plus, I'm going to need a seamstress mend my jacket now. Should have layered it with Reinforcement prior to all of this but, as they say, hindsight is 20/20.
But first, I need my hearing fixed. That's priority numero uno. Well, technically my first priority should be getting off of the ground but . . . .
Yowch! What the hell?!
Somewhere along the line Nero managed to get herself upright. Unfortunately, she did so only by using her nearby sword as a means of propelling herself up. Now, logically this would have been simpler had she just gone into spirit form but clearly neither of us thought of this easy answer to a complex problem.
So instead she lifts herself up using the sword, and apparently that sword wasn't the steadiest of perches. The ground was probably the cause of this. It wasn't exactly stable after the destruction wrought upon it, nor had it ever been. In a few months it'd likely have been immovable due to frost. Now though? Well, it was chilly but not freezing. The soil was still soft.
When Nero put her weight on that sword she did so under the assumption that it'd hold her. It should have, this a quintessential piece of her legend after all, but it didn't. Or rather, the earth in which it was driven into didn't hold her. The sword came tumbling down, with Nero right behind it mind you, all atop of little old me.
If only she had been the first thing to hit me. At least she was soft. That jagged slab of metal she calls her sword isn't soft. No. It's very, very hard. And very, very sharp. Thank Pesci that the sharp part wasn't what hit me. I just got a face full of pommel. Not great, but not as bad as what could have happened.
And then Nero landed on me, making things much worse by pushing her sword into my face even more with her weight. I'm probably going to have an imprint of this damned thing left behind. The only good part about this is that she didn't do something unbelievably stupid like try and suffocate me with her breasts. If she had I would have doubted her genuineness. There's no way someone can do such a thing unintentionally. Not in real life at least.
Instead of boobs I get an elbow to the face. Or rather an elbow that pushes her sword further into my flesh. It's unpleasant to say the least. I now have a deep feeling of empathy for pancakes.
Praetor, I feel I should apologize for this.
You think?
I should also mention that Rin saw most of what just transpired. She is currently laughing at you.
Terrific. Of course she'd show up now.
Don't you mean, she's laughing at us?
That seemed to get the gears turning. Nero pushes herself off at me, and in a display of strength she forces herself to stand. Not even using the sword as a prop. I don't know what she says to Rin, and I don't think I want to know. All I see is her chattering on about something, quite animatedly at that, and gesticulating like a madwoman in the general direction I assume Rin is in.
She is no longer laughing, Praetor.
Wow. She certainly sounds pleased with herself. Is this what you call Roman diplomacy?
Does she know that I can't hear her?
Yes, I informed her of this.
What did she say?
She insulted your intelligence.
How ladylike. Tell her to kiss my ass and take us to this 'nurse' of hers.
In that order?
In that order.
Well, Rin doesn't take too kindly to that. Long story short, she doesn't kiss my ass. I know, I know, her loss. She does offer to finally lead us to whoever she knows that can fix my hearing. Or, I assume she does. Nero's acting as a mediator here and I'm assuming she's censoring portions of Rin's commentary. I don't mind it though, she's telling me the important bits and leaving out the useless opinions. Criticism is only important when you plan on making the same mistake twice.
It goes without saying that I'm never going to do what I just did ever, ever again.
I'll repeat myself once more. Tinnitus. Is. A. Bitch.
But hey, at least Magecraft can cure anything? Right? Right?
Jesus Christ, I hope it can. If not, I'm going to really miss listening to the sound of my own voice.
AN: Originally this was supposed to have been updated two weeks after the last chapter. Obviously that didn't happen. Mainly because I was massively incorrect as to how much content I already had ready to go. Big apologies for that. Remember that last chapter was pushing the 20k mark and that I decided to cut it? Well, I still have that cut portion left over. That's right, this entire chapter was whipped up from scratch (except for like 200 words in the beginning). Praise me for my dedication! XD. On second thought, don't. Because I still didn't meet the deadline I set for myself D: But, hey, I still have like 10k words left over from Chapter 12 that will be popping up sometime in a future chapter. I decided not to use it for this chapter because it mostly consists of a argument between Rin and Dante and I don't feel it fit into the events that are currently going on. Also, I have to give a big thanks once again to King Keith. He's the reason Elisabeth (or is it Elizabeth?) popped up this early in the story. So if you are like the developers of Grand Order (there's like five different versions of her) you're probably stoked to see her. And with that brief explanation out of the way let's get on with me responding to your reviews!
Gundam-Knight-Chris: I could swear that he already has . . . maybe I'm thinking of something that happened in GEGE. Either that or it's something I've got planned for the future ;D. As for who Pesci is . . . first off go watch Goodfellas or Casino right now! Second, he's a somewhat short Italian-American actor known for his roles in many famous gangster films. Most of which were directed by Martin Scorsese. It's a running gag that Dante has developed a joke religion based on his reverence towards Pesci as a godlike being. Which in of itself is a reference to a joke George Carlin made regarding Pesci. And if you're unsure of who the random names he labels as 'Brother' or 'Saint' are, well basically he's canonized firearms inventors as his 'saints' based on how important they are to him.
Anthem of the Night: Heheheh. I'm just going to say I have a lot planned for Rin Emiya. I'm not sure if I'm the first one to go this route (probably not) and I'm not sure if people will receive it well or not but . . . I wanted to do something a little different. That's all I'll say for now! And I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that despises conversations with more than two people. It's probably heavily apparent that I tried as hard as possible to avoid having Rin, Nero, Dante, and Bathory talk at once this chapter. It just would have ended up being a mess had I not done so. I'm glad you caught onto that bit about Kiara too. That's probably the main reason for her being different in this story (at least in terms of her hacking abilities). Dante's involvement had a lot to do with it too considering he got her out of the cult before it escalated to the mass suicide that happened pre-Extra. I . . . hope I didn't spoil anything. Oh well, not like it was that unexpected XD. I'm going to try my best at downplaying his involvement though. I don't want this to be a story about how one character (Dante) managed on mixing up the entirety of Extra's timeline. I like to think it's mainly because this isn't really just Extra (it's more of a mishmash of Stay Night's timeline and Extra's) because there's no way one guy like Dante could have that big of an impact on the world.
Darebear the bear: Kiritsugu adopting Rin Edefelt . . . now that right there is an interesting idea. Too bad you have a better imagination than I lol! Her backstory isn't quite that complicated. I'm glad you like how I wrote Rin. For whatever reason I find her to be the hardest one to write consistently. Second only to Elizabeth (Elisabeth?). Which is ironic considering I decided to include them both in the story regardless. We'll definitely be seeing more Shinji moments. In fact I plan on him being a bigger part of this than Rin really. Right now we're just technically still in the prologue phase (Shinji doesn't even have a Servant yet) and I'm just introducing the main bunch of characters that you'll be seeing with Dante. There's one other Master that's going to have a big role . . . and she'll take more of that 'daughter' role you're thinking about than Shinji. He's kind of going to end up being a mini-protegee to Dante. Sort of like the Robin to Dante's Batman XD. I really need to show Kiara more screen time! I really understand why Nasu decided to go with three separate paths. There's a lot of content to be done when you have three main heroines. Right now I'm thinking more along the lines of having her with a Servant actually being in the main plot but later writing an omake 'good ending' involving her. And thank you for this last idea! Seriously, you can sort of see the framework for it being laid in this chapter already. Personally I was questioning as to whether or not Nero would be able to do that (I thought her Imperial Privilege was restricted to skills like Artistry, Military Tactics, and Swordsmanship) but . . . considering she supposedly built a chariot with a jet engine . . . I'd say Dante could show her how to craft firearms. And then in turn he could learn from her.
TheTrueOverlordBear: Oh. Oh dear. It gets a bit more complicated than that XD. The Emiya family tree is a mess to say the least lol. And we're definitely going to see some mention regarding GARcher. I (not so) subtly hinted that he had existed at one point in this world but met his end. Well . . . we'll learn exactly how that happened. It's much different than how he died in the Stay Night timeline and not even similar to his death in Extra. I am totally going to play on that part of Nero's history. Mostly at the expense of Dante XD. And I agree wholeheartedly with how you view the Moon Cell. It just didn't feel as 'serious' as Zero and Stay Night in my opinion. Which is kind of sad because the backstory behind it is really fantastic. Originally I just wanted to explore the world Extra was set in outside of the Moon Cell and it became this story. Unfortunately Twice won't be in this. Balancing both him, Kiara, and Leo as the three baddies would be too much for me to handle lol. Instead his role was in the Grail War prior to this one and he'll be referenced in passing a few times. And yes, he summoned Tamamo in that war :D. My only regret is that I wish I had more of the Tsukihime branch of things in this. I've heard some of the wackiest Nasuverse events happen in it. Sadly I haven't read the visual novel (yet) so I don't even want to try and incorporate elements of it into this without a full comprehension on them. It'd probably make everything ten times more complicated but I'd imagine it'd be even more of a blast! Operation: Visual Pollution is at first only going to lead us into meeting the character Kaz in person. It'll also establish exactly what type of organization Dante has set up in Fuyuki. Later on however . . . well that's a surprise! Hope to see your fic come to light in the future. Any content involving Mordred is welcomed content! Shounen is definitely not my forte though XD. I'm godawful at writing fight scenes lol. But they're of great importance when you're writing about the Saber of Red so I wish you luck. And thanks once again for your feedback, you're too kind! I write mainly as a hobby, the slow updates peeve me off mainly because I procrastinate so much on getting them done. I'm sure if I hustled a bit more I could have a chapter up every few weeks instead of every few months. But I get where you're coming from and I appreciate it :)
Lady Vanatos: Yo, is that Atalanta in your profile pic? Noice. I can see you're a man/woman of culture as well. I appreciate your kindness too, but I'm not too worried about how much attention I get. If I got too many reviews it'd be almost impossible to actually respond to all of you guys like this :D.
Random Rockets: I'm sure you've already heard this (multiple times) but read those VNs A.S.A.P. (if you can)! It's a ridiculous feat considering how much material is in them but that's what makes them so great. Trust me when I say you won't regret it. The anime we've seen so far only covers the surface. But . . . that being said I'm still stoked about Heaven's Feel (as well as Last Encore). I tried to keep this story as accessible as possible for everyone (even those who have no experience with the Fate series) so I'm really glad you're keeping up with it alright. While I preach the wonders of the VNs you're probably going to be fine for almost the entire story just of the animes XD. There might be a few miscellaneous characters popping up that you won't know about but I'm going to do my best in explaining who they are and what they're deal is. It's great you had a blast reading this because I've definitely had a blast writing it for ya!
King Keith: Mwahahaha. Many, many bad things are going to be happening in the future. We're just at the tip of the iceberg, so to speak :D.
Diarmuid-Guest (Still lovin' that you've adopted this moniker as your own XD): Oh jeez, I hadn't even thought of how the Sola-Ui angle would go D: But . . . I'd like to think she'll have a bigger role than she did in Zero. She was more of a damsel in distress as the end of things there and she can't really be that when Kayneth's not a Master, can she? Her falling in love with Diarmuid might be a thing Dante could exploit to get Kayneth of his back. Or . . . she could just be a constant nagging presence in Kayneth's life a la Karen's relationship with Plankton in Spongebob (yes, a strange reference I know). See, I might be too ambitious (doubtful XD) but I was thinking along the lines of two separate timelines involving Zero. One with Dante post-Schizoid Man (still working that out) and one with him being Diarmuid's Master. The Diarmuid spin would be a single story though. No sequels for Dante in that one I'm afraid ): As for why that's the case well . . . let's just say as of this moment (before I've even started to write it) Dante finds his ending when Diarmuid does. Might be subject to change but as of now I already have an ending planned out. So it goes without saying that Zouken getting absolutely trolled would have little effect on future events :D as there would be no future events (no sequels or whatnot). Diarmuid with his spear that negates magic would really mess up the poor worm's day!
Mr. Tanaka: Oh Christ you've just given me many, many awful ideas XD. I didn't think about Fran when spit balling that idea but now that you mention her . . . . Proto Fragments and Strange Fake have one big problem though . . . I'm fairly certain they haven't been translated into English D: I'd probably have to wait until that happens before trying my luck with them. Otherwise I'm going to go entirely off of Google translate and what's happening in the artwork. Which . . . might not work the best lol. You're idea is really cool though! Tying Zero and Stay Night's a given (in fact I was thinking about tying them to Schizoid Man, just not the Diarmuid fic) but tying Apocrypha to Strange Fake is something I wouldn't have thought of. I just might feel a little bad for Atalanta. Especially if I manage to have some heartfelt character development between her and Dante only for him to forget about her in a second war XD. A series revolving around Dante might be a bit ambitious for now though lol. I'm going to hold back until I finish this story before I start taking a crack at another one (else we might never see updates lol). Then I'll probably literally flip a coin as to whether or not Diarmuid or Atalanta would go first and go from there.
Guest 1: Technically? No. Because at that point there were no romantic feelings between them. Arguably their aren't any now but . . . I won't destroy your shipping dreams T_T. I think their relationship would be more like two childhood friends ending up together. There's really only like five or six (I forget off the top of my head) years between them.
Guest 2: I admit you have a point. But I must counter it nonetheless XD! From what I've read the Gunner class works more as a 'double summon' class. As in it's a secondary class that pops up in addition to the primary class (usually Archer). It works kind of like Semiramis being an Assassin with Caster skills. Now, this might change considering what we've heard about Billy the Kid. Heck, Billy the Kid's existence as a Servant (as well as several others) mix up a lot of what was already established in canon pre-Grand Order. Originally you couldn't be a Heroic Spirit if you wielded firearms only. It was some rule about how with proper training anyone with a gun could become a legend and thus it diminished the quality of potential heroes. I believe it was elaborated on by saying the guns themselves would enter the Throne and not the users. So we'd see an AK47 directly as a Servant summoned that'd have jacked up powers instead of some famous Spetsnaz guy that used a AK (say one of the guys in the Battle of Hill 3234). Of course now that's all out the window because we have several gun toting Servants about. Right now I'd say there's not quite enough info on the Gunner class for me to take a shot at it (I wouldn't want to write something that'd later become non-canon after all) though I do like the idea of Dante becoming the conduit for Billy the Kid. Though I'd probably not have it be Billy that's his 'partner' and instead someone else. Simo Hayha's the easy pic but . . . I want to be a little bit more original :D. How about Doc Holiday? His personality would mesh well with Dante's I think. And thanks! I try my best to hear everyone out. There's a lot of ideas you all have given me that I wouldn't have thought up on my own :)
Guest 3: Nope. Not really. That's Rin Tohsaka, the OG Rin. Or as I like to call her 'Rin Sr.'. This is Rin Jr. Whether or not they're related is in question. I would most definitely add more. It'd be definitely more 'on rails' (as in following canon plot more) than this story but not scene for scene or anything. In fact Dante would probably have a premature hunt established against Gilles. That'd mix up a lot of things right there. Him and Kariya in a fight scene? It's on the table. Him and Kariya making an alliance? Also potentially on the table :D. Dante's also probably the only dude who'd straight up agree with Rider's original proposition at the docks. He'd negotiate but it'd be idiotic to turn down such a proposal when the result is a strong ally straight out the gates. Whether or not he'd betray Waver and Broskander is debatable . . . . Atalanta is technically one of the weaker ones. But that's mainly because her teammates are godly. Literally. Spartacus is iffy as to whether or not he's stronger. I'd say his inability to coordinate properly would end up being his downfall in a fight against her. Physical strength means little considering her strength lies in her ranged abilities (though Agrius Metamorphosis is pretty decent on it's own). I'd argue that a decent Master would be able to do well with her even against the guys she's up against. Apocrypha's unique because a crafty Master could play people against each other for their own gain. Will Dante do that? Doubtful. You'll see later on that he's actually somewhat reasonable when it comes to negotiations. In fact (in Schizoid Man at least) he's more open to creating alliances than outright killing people. Mainly because it's easier to just get everyone to sign a truce than it would be to fight them one by one. Hey, as long as it stops the War it's fair game XD.
Appreciate all the reviews, favs, and follows people! As always, it means a lot! As a side note, I will be focusing on my other story 'Transparent' now. At least until I get up a new chapter for it XD. Then I'll head back to working on Schizoid Man. See ya then~