Raptor's Carnival

by TheRominLegion

One should be careful picking up random cards lying down on the ground, you never know what might happen. This is a lesson Kiryu learns one day at a local annual convention, when he finds himself thrust into another world from that very act. Armed with his wits and deck, he must fight to survive in this world where a simple card game can determine the very fate of the world.

8. AN: Small Review Corner and Trimming Fat

Review Corner:

Got some Review Corner stuff I wanted to take care of here.

Blue trooper

I'll admit my pacing could have used some work, I'm actually planning to go back and trim out some of the useless fat so to speak in the fic and fix things where it could be better. As for the Fiend Eagle thing I actually did not get that wrong it was the version I used which probably confused you. Fiend Eagle's official is "You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card, then target 1 face-up Special Summoned monster your opponent controls; inflict damage to your opponent equal to its original ATK on the field. You can only use this effect of "Raidraptor - Fiend Eagle" once per turn." BUT Fiend Eagle's Anime effect is "Once per turn (Quick Effect): You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card, then target 1 Special Summoned monster on the field; inflict damage to your opponent equal to its ATK."

I was using the Anime version of its effect at the time like I do most if not all of my cards in the fic unless they were TCG/OCG exclusive. The only mistake that was probably true was dealing 1400 Damage when it was supposed to do 1600.

Kenrio

Well... Thank you for that lovely...rant. I guess I will try and address some points.

First, Anna was Never originally In Love with Yuma, she merely THOUGHT she loved Yuma. It was a case of mistaken Identity with another boy named Yuya Tsukune (Kumo Tsuyuma). Anna didn't start to get any feelings for Yuma until after their first duel at the start of the WDC. Anna accepted the duel because she wanted to use it as practice before fighting Yuma, and in here OC used foreknowledge manipulation to take the duel place of Yuma to start a potential long game love interest with Anna. As for Kotori's OC feelings, they aren't love feelings, just hero crush feelings from when he saved her from being crushed during the events of chapter 2. I was trying to write an open ended love interest for both Anna and Kotori between the OC to decide which one or both I would pair with officially by Zexal II, but simply put I SUCK at writing romance.

Trimming the Fat

So I decided I'm gonna go back and semi rewrite the story and trim out the fat of some things that were unnecessary like Yuma's duels with Tomato guy and Charlie as well as change a few things.

Kiryu's name will be changed to The Raptor. I always planned for him to adapt this name later on in the original draft of the story, I simply decided to move this plan up ahead.

I decided to give Yuma's duel against Charlie, Kiryu/The Raptor instead and cut out the IV vs Tag Duel.

Instead of finding Number 57 to take him to Zexal world he will find Number 78 which will be his Number Ace as well as his method to take Numbers.

In here Number 78 will have a slight different effect from its original to be more anime like.

Number 78: Number Archive (Anime Ver.)

Light/Spellcaster/Xyz/Effect

Rank 1/0 ATK/0 DEF

Materials: 2 Level 1 Monsters

Effect:

Cannot be used as Xyz Material. Any Battle Damage your opponent takes from battles involving this card becomes 0. Cannot be destroyed by battle, except with a "Number" monster. This card is unaffected by your opponent's card effects while its name is "Number 78: Number Archive" Once Per Turn (Quick Effect) during the Standby Phase you can attach 1 "Number" Xyz Monster from your Extra deck to this card whose name includes a Number between 1-99 to this card as Xyz Material; Until the End Phase: This card's Name and Original ATK become that "Number" monster's name and original ATK.