Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.
A/N: After this we'll move to Ken and Miya, and then after that the really interesting chapters will begin. And it all starts with Sam's cousins and how DarkAngelicmon is spending his night at the castle on Cyber...
Following the Footsteps of Destiny
Chapter 161: Twilight Hour
Makiya 'Mickey' Takaishi
Odaiba, Japan, Earth
Mickey wasn't quite sure just how long he had been standing in front of Sam's bedroom door, but he knew if he didn't at least make an attempt to talk to the raven-haired Digidestined, Dai and the others would never let him forget it. They were counting on him to cheer Sam up, but considering how the raven-haired Digidestined had been acting towards Ken earlier, he had a feeling that was going to be easier said than done.
I know I need to convince him he's wrong about Ken, but how exactly am I supposed to make him listen to me? What am I supposed to say? I can't force him to talk to me if he really does want to be left alone...
It was indeed a rather difficult situation, and every time Mickey managed to come up with an idea he thought might work, his plan was almost immediately discarded for one reason or another, left to rest upon a growing pile of useless strategies he felt sure would never actually work.
Which makes me wonder how I manage to get myself into these things all the time.
As much as he didn't want to admit it, he had now reached the point where he was getting desperate, and despite all the encouragement his friends had shouted up the stairs after his retreating form, he was starting to wonder if maybe he wasn't really all that good at helping people who desperately needed him after all.
They should have sent Kara. She's way better at this kind of thing than I am...
"Mickey, aren't we going to talk to Sam?" Palelymon asked hesitantly, interrupting the older twin's thoughts.
Glancing down at the small digimon in his arms, Mickey smiled weakly and quickly nodded his head. "Of course! I was just...gathering my thoughts."
Well, there was no other way around it. He was just going to have to follow his heart, and somehow his ability to forgive Ken for everything that had happened in the past was going to have to be enough to change Sam's mind.
Really, how do I get myself into these things?
Sighing in defeat, Mickey slowly lifted his hand and he knocked gently on Sam's bedroom door. "Sam, uh...can I come in?"
He waited for a moment in silence, but there was no answer.
So much for getting off to a decent start.
"Sam, it's Mickey. Could I talk to you, please? Just for a moment?"
Again, Mickey thought Sam wasn't going to answer, but just as he was about to turn away in defeat, a quiet voice from the other side of the door said, "You can come in, but only if you're alone."
"I only have Palelymon with me. Is it okay if he comes in, too?"
"I guess so."
To Mickey's ears, it sounded like Sam was standing right up close to him, just on the other side of the door, but when he turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open with his foot, there was no one standing on the other side. In the split second it had taken him to open the door, Sam had somehow managed to scramble back onto the bed, his face disappearing within a fluffy pillow covered by a burgundy pillowcase. Glimmermon sat on the bed right next to Sam's raven head, and the poor little digimon looked absolutely miserable.
He looks exactly how I feel...
Letting out a soft sigh, Mickey slowly moved further into the room and he hesitantly sat down on the edge of Sam's double bed. The thick, burgundy comforter looked wrinkled and slightly lopsided beneath Sam's body, and the pillow Sam wasn't using to hide his face with was lying on the floor next to the door, having obviously been thrown across the room in a rage of anger and despair. There were several other objects lying on the rich brown carpet, including Sam's backpack, a chessboard, and a framed photograph of Sam's family that had also been thrown, but out of all the discarded items it was the picture of the Ichijouji family that had caused Mickey's heart to suddenly stir with pain and sadness. "Sam?"
Sam, who was lying on his stomach, shifted slightly at the sound of his name and he slowly moved his head to the side, deliberately turning his face away from Mickey, and even though the older twin could only see the back of his friend's raven head, he knew without being told that Sam's cheeks were streaked with tears. "Mickey, tell me why I feel like I've been betrayed."
Mickey pulled his legs up onto the bed, and reaching out he gently placed his hand on his friend's right shoulder. "You feel betrayed because everyone has been keeping secrets from you, but what you can't understand is why everyone has been keeping secrets from you."
"You're right, I just don't understand," Sam choked out, his voice barely above a whisper. "Why does everyone keep trying to hurt me?"
"Is that what you really believe? Do you honestly think everyone is trying to hurt you?"
"What else am I supposed to believe?"
"If that's how you really feel then let me ask you this. Do you think I would ever intentionally try to hurt you?"
Mickey wasn't really expecting to receive an answer, but to his complete surprise, Sam's shoulder suddenly relaxed under his hand, and he felt the raven-haired Digidestined shift closer to him. "No! You...you're not like that. It's never all about you. It's always about everyone else. You wouldn't hurt anyone unless there was no other way."
"Sam...is that how you really feel about me? I...I don't know what to say..."
"Mickey...I..."
Smiling happily to himself, Mickey leaned closer to the raven-haired Digidestined and whispered, "Why are the others any different from me? You said it yourself, I wouldn't hurt you unless there was no other way. Did it ever occur to you that maybe the others feel the exact same way? Did you never stop to think maybe Ryoko and the others are only hurting you, not because they want to, but because they have no other choice?"
"But..."
"It's never about me, it's always about everyone else. Maybe you should take your own words to heart."
His scolding and the way he was able to twist the raven-haired Digidestined's own words around must have come as a huge shock because Sam suddenly let out a soft gasp, and twisting his head around so they were facing each other, the raven-haired Digidestined finally looked at him, their gazes meeting for the first time since Mickey had entered the room. As he had suspected earlier, Sam's cheeks were streaked with tears.
"You...you don't understand, Mickey."
"I understand better than you think. Do you honestly believe you're the only one who's hurting right now? You told Ryoko you hated him, all because he tried to protect you. How do you think he feels right now? How do you think your father feels after you pretty much rejected him just because of something that happened a long time ago? There are so many other people involved, and they're hurting just as much as you are. Don't their feelings matter to you? Isn't their happiness just as important as yours is?"
"I've been trying to tell him the same thing, but he refuses to listen to me," Glimmermon said sadly, the small light bulb hovering above his head flickering several times before dying completely.
Feeling sorry for his normally cheerful friend, Palelymon gently patted Glimmermon's dark bulb with one of his fluffy ears and silently shook his head at Sam. Clearly he was very disappointed in the raven-haired Digidestined for unintentionally upsetting Glimmermon.
"If you just came in here to lecture me, I don't want to hear it," Sam said bitterly, sitting up and rubbing vigorously at his puffy eyes. "I got enough of that earlier from Dai."
"Sam, do you...hate your father?"
Instead of answering, Sam wrapped his arms around himself and he lifted his chin to gaze dully at the ceiling. "You're right about one thing, Mickey. This isn't just about me, or even my father. You think he's the only reason I'm upset? It's not just him! It's everything. Ryoko, Dai, and that stupid, stupid angel! I hope he's hurting just as much as I am. Maybe then he'll finally know what it feels like to experience real pain!"
DarkAngelicmon...
Barely able to contain his emotions, Mickey bit his lower lip, and somehow he forced himself to remain calm and unresponsive. He wanted desperately to know exactly what had happened between Sam and DarkAngelicmon in the forest, but he had a feeling now was probably not the best time to satisfy his curiosity. "When one of us suffers we all feel the pain, Sam, not just you."
"Now you're starting to sound like him. Spare me. Listening to someone telling me about how stupid I am is the last thing I need right now."
"Sam..."
The ice in the raven-haired Digidestined's eyes suddenly melted, and almost immediately Sam's cold gaze faded away only to be replaced with something that looked suspiciously like sorrow. Bright tears began to slide slowly down his cheeks, and he quickly covered his face with his hands to hide the pain in his eyes. "I...I'm just so tired of it all, and it hurts so much. I want to run away, but where can I go? As long as I have to keep fighting, it's never going to leave me alone. I feel like the Digital World has given me nothing but bad memories, and I just can't take it anymore. Mickey, I...I don't think I want to be a Digidestined anymore."
"Sam!" Glimmermon gasped, the little digimon's violet eyes growing wide with horror.
Sighing softly, Mickey gave Sam's shoulders a squeeze, and pulling the raven-haired Digidestined against him in a hug, he shook his head in despair. He could feel Sam trembling in his embrace, and although he was horrified by his friend's terrible words, they didn't really come as a big surprise. "You don't mean that."
"Yes, I do! I just want things to go back to the way they were before. I don't want to have to deal with all of this. I don't want to have to think about him...and..."
"But...Sam, what about me?" Glimmermon whimpered, the light bulb above his head drooping down over his deep purple eyes. "If you had never come to the Digital World then the two of us wouldn't have become partners. Don't you care about me anymore?"
Jerking his head up in surprise, Sam quickly pulled Glimmermon into his lap, and he cuddled the little digimon tightly against his stomach. "Of course I care about you! I'm sorry, Glimmermon. You know I didn't mean it like that. I don't regret meeting you, and truthfully, I don't know what I would do if you weren't here with me now, but...I don't want to fight anymore. I wish the two of us could just stay here in the human world, away from all those horrible digimon who keep trying to hurt us."
"It sounds like a nice idea, but hiding from your duty to help the Digital World wouldn't stop you from having to face your dad. Isn't that what you want to run away from the most?" Palelymon asked quietly.
Sam's face turned bright red, and Mickey had to hide a smile. "I never asked to be a Digidestined."
"Neither did I, but if being a Digidestined means I get to be friends with Palelymon, and if it means I get to help DarkAngelicmon, then there's no way I'd ever give up my D-Coder, even for a second. I know it's hard, Sam, but if you could only find a way to look past all the bad things that have happened, I know you would finally realize just how lucky we are. Besides, hiding in the human world wouldn't help you. Vampiramon and her allies would just find a way to come here and torture you instead of doing it in the Digital World. Myotismon found a way to come here, didn't he? How are Vampiramon and the others any different?"
"You're wrong, Sam," Palelymon said firmly, his big, blue eyes growing dark and serious. "This is what you wanted. Glimmermon never would have digivolved if you hadn't wanted to be a Digidestined. Besides, you're the one who wanted to know the truth about the Digimon Emperor. You got what you wanted, didn't you?"
Sam's mouth fell open and he stared at Palelymon in shock. "Excuse me?"
"You don't have the right to blame anyone else for the way you feel right now, not even DarkAngelicmon. This is exactly what you wanted, and if you're not willing to deal with the consequences of knowing the truth then you never should have tried so hard to find out what you obviously didn't want to know in the first place!"
"Palelymon!"
"You know I'm right, Mickey!"
Mickey rolled his eyes and he quickly turned his face away from Sam so the raven-haired Digidestined wouldn't see the smile on his face. "Well, you don't have to say it like that."
"I didn't know the truth was going to...to be like that," Sam mumbled, avoiding Palelymon's sapphire eyes.
Yes, you did. Deep down inside, you knew.
"Maybe not, but being mean to your friends and hiding from who you are isn't going to alter the facts. Ken can't change the past, but you have the power to change the future. And if you ask me, I think a future without your father by your side would seem pretty lonely."
Taking advantage of Sam's guilty conscience, Mickey tugged lightly on the raven-haired Digidestined's arm, to get his friend's attention, and he sorrowfully shook his head. "Sam, being a Digidestined is who you are. If you weren't the kind, caring Sam Ichijouji who became my friend way back when we were little, then you never would have been chosen to fight along side your very own partner in the Digital World. Don't you see? If you weren't the Sam I know so well, then none of this would have ever happened! But...is that what you really want? Are you saying you want to be someone else?"
"Mickey, right now I would give anything to be anyone other than who I am. You're really lucky, you know that? You don't know what it feels like to be betrayed by the people you care about the most..."
"Sam..."
Mickey felt Sam lean against his shoulder for support, and frowning slightly he gave the raven-haired Digidestined a reassuring pat on the back. Clearly, Sam was determined to stay miserable and although Mickey wanted desperately to change his friend's way of thinking, unfortunately he was starting to run out of ideas.
Not that Sam would listen to me even if I did finally say the right thing. I could talk all night and he'd probably just spend most of the time ignoring me. One thing is for sure, this conversation isn't going as well as I'd hoped. Dai and the others are going to be so disappointed in me...
"I'm sorry, Mickey," Sam suddenly mumbled, the raven-haired Digidestined's unexpected apology catching the older twin completely off guard.
Blinking in surprise, Mickey pulled back slightly so he could look directly into his friend's deep blue eyes. "What for?"
"You must hate me for acting like a complete jerk, but I can't help it..."
"Sam, I could never hate you. You might occasionally do things I don't agree with, the way you're acting now being a perfectly good example, but no matter how many stupid decisions you make, I'll never stop being your friend. It's not like I haven't done my share of stupid things, too. Real friends stick by each other, even if they know the path they've chosen will only lead to pain and sadness."
"Just like Wormmon," Sam whispered, brushing away the tears in his eyes. "He stayed with my dad the whole time, even though he knew what they were doing was wrong..."
"You're right, and in my opinion, you could learn a few things from Wormmon."
Sam stared at him for a moment, and without warning, the raven-haired Digidestined suddenly pulled him into a fierce hug and whispered softly in his ear, "Thanks, Mickey. I'm glad I have a friend like you, especially now when I need you the most."
"Sam...why don't you tell me what happened to you in the forest this afternoon. We have our theories, but I'd like to hear the story directly from you."
"Well, um..."
"You met up with DarkAngelicmon, didn't you."
Sam's whole body suddenly grew tense and Mickey felt the raven-haired Digidestined pull away from him. "Yes, he was with me."
"The forest...it was covered in darkness. Did you really...was that the Dark Ocean in the distance? Did you really go to the World of Darkness?"
"Well, that's where he says we were, but I don't know if I believe him..."
"Tell me."
"It's kind of a long story, but I guess it all began when I started to have my doubts about Ryoko. I had a feeling he was hiding something from me, and...I guess I was afraid he didn't want to be my friend anymore..."
Oh, Sam...how could you be so blind?
Mickey listened to his friend's tale in silence and by the time the raven-haired Digidestined's story had come to an end, he could not help feeling as if his entire world had just turned upside down. Although he still didn't know for sure, what Sam had just told him, along with the things DarkAngelicmon had told him earlier, it looked more and more as if his theories about the fallen angel were right. And yet, despite all the information Sam had just given him, there was still one thing that didn't make sense, something he felt sure Sam was trying desperately to hide from him. What was it exactly that had made DarkAngelicmon blurt out the truth, and why did he have a feeling part of the reason had something to do with the way DarkAngelicmon had been acting so nasty towards him earlier? What had been the turning point for DarkAngelicmon and why had it affected the fallen angel so deeply?
So, DarkAngelicmon really did want to keep the truth a secret, but then he decided not to. What are you hiding, Sam, and why don't you want me to know what it is?
"Now do you see why I hate him so much?" Sam said bitterly, clenching his hands into tight fists. "He's been trying to hurt me ever since the day I met him. Now that he's finally managed to get exactly what he wanted all along, I bet he and his stupid master are throwing a big party in that ugly castle of theirs. I almost wish Vampiramon would finish him off and be done with it. That would give us one less evil digimon to worry about. It could happen. They don't exactly appear to be the best of friends, if you know what I mean."
"Sam, I...I don't think DarkAngelicmon really wanted to hurt you."
"What?"
Sam stared at him in disbelief, and Mickey felt his face turn red. "Listen, I know it's hard to believe, but I'm sure I'm right. We have a few theories about DarkAngelicmon's behaviour, but I don't think I'm going to tell you them right now."
"Why not?" the raven-haired Digidestined shouted indignantly, pulling back and crossing his arms over his chest.
Mickey smiled slightly and shrugged his shoulders. "Because I know you won't believe any of them, but what you just told me makes me think our theories might actually be more fact than fiction."
"Will you ever tell me?"
"Maybe once you've finally found your heart again you'll be able to understand exactly what your true feelings are trying to tell you. With the way you're acting right now, though, there's no way you'd be able to accept what you don't want to believe."
"What if I don't find my heart?" Sam asked hesitantly, avoiding his eyes.
"Then you'll never understand the truth and you'll never be free of the darkness that's haunting you."
"And if I do find my heart?"
Mickey slowly lifted his gaze and he smiled softly at the raven-haired Digidestined. "If you can find yourself again then I promise I'll tell you everything, but by that time I shouldn't have to say a word because by then you will already know."
Sam nodded slowly and he gently stroked Glimmermon's soft head. "Mickey, tell me what happened to you and the others in the Digital World this afternoon. Did you ever make it to Infinity Mountain?"
Mickey quickly told the raven-haired Digidestined about their battles with Vampiramon and her allies, leaving out only his confrontation with DarkAngelicmon, and when he was finished Sam looked as if his guilt was going to overwhelm him. "So...the Spirit Chip of Bravery is still on top of Infinity Mountain and Vampiramon and the others are finally fighting against us using all of their power..."
"Not exactly very encouraging, is it."
"Mickey, I...I'm really sorry," Sam whispered, hanging his head in shame. "I should have been there to help you guys. If any of you had gotten hurt, it would have been all my fault."
"Sam..."
"It's true, isn't it? If I hadn't run away, the Spirit Chip of Bravery might not still be stuck on the top of Infinity Mountain. He tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen..."
"Don't worry about it, Sam," Palelymon said softly, nuzzling his cheek against the raven-haired Digidestined's knee. "The Spirit Chip is still safe and right now that's the most important thing."
Should I, or shouldn't I?
Avoiding Sam's eyes, Mickey tugged nervously at the burgundy comforter covering the raven-haired Digidestined's bed, and keeping his expression as neutral as possible, he stretched out his legs in front of him and leaned back on his hands, his posture making it look as if he didn't have a care in the world. At least, that was the impression he hoped his body language and expression were conveying to Sam. "By the way, we saw DarkAngelicmon after you left for the human world."
"W-what?"
"He...didn't sound like he was in a very good mood."
Mickey watched in satisfaction as Sam's face turned pure white, but almost immediately a red blush began to stain the raven-haired Digidestined's cheeks and he sat up straight so fast he nearly knocked Glimmermon right out of his lap. "R-really. That's...strange."
So, he is hiding something from me!
"I thought so, too. For an evil digimon, normally he acts surprisingly pleasant."
"W-what, what did he say?"
"Oh well...he threatened me and called me a fool. He also threatened Matty. He told me my hatred for him would be my undoing. What do you think he meant by that? If I recall, I don't think I ever actually said I hated him, especially to his face."
For a moment it looked as if Sam was at a loss for words, but before Mickey could question him further, the raven-haired Digidestined suddenly scurried away from him and hid his face in his pillow. "I don't know."
"Are you sure?"
"Well..."
Pulling the pillow out of Sam's arms, Mickey gently tugged his friend into a sitting position and he gazed directly into the raven-haired Digidestined's eyes. "Sam, is there anything you want to tell me?"
"No!" The word came out as a squeak, and blushing Sam quickly ducked his head again. "I...there's nothing..."
I won't give up, Sam. I'll find out, even if it takes forever.
"Okay, if you're sure, but if there's anything, anything at all, you know you can come to me, right?"
Sam smiled shyly at him and quickly nodded. "I know."
"Sam, we both saw DarkAngelicmon's light. Do you...do you really believe he's evil?"
"Honestly, Mickey, I don't know what to believe anymore. I just...I need some time to think about everything."
"Is that why you've been avoiding the subject of your dad?"
"Mickey?" Sam mumbled, avoiding his eyes. "I...I don't think I can sleep here tonight."
"Why not?"
"I just...I need to get away from it all. I need to be some place where the Digital World has no meaning, where no one knows about me or my father. Don't you see, Mickey? I can't do this! I can't be here! I want to stay, I really do, but right now I can't even stand the thought of being around anyone who's a Digidestined."
"Even me?"
Sam smiled sadly through his sudden tears and he quickly turned his face away. "Yes, even you..."
It hurt a lot, more than Mickey could ever put into words, but somehow he managed to keep the pain hidden behind his neutral expression. "So, in other words, you're going to Taka's apartment?"
"Uncle Mantarou and Aunt Kiyomi won't mind if I stay the night."
"What about Glimmermon?"
Sam looked down at the little digimon sitting in his lap, and closing his eyes in pain, he took a deep breath and slowly lifted his chin. "You take him for now."
"Sam, no!" Glimmermon cried, tears beginning to well up in his large, violet eyes. "Don't leave me behind!"
Ignoring Glimmermon's heart-wrenching protest, Sam lifted the little digimon into his hands and held him out at arm's length. "Take him, Mickey."
"Sam, you don't want to do this."
"I said take him!"
"No!" Glimmermon sobbed.
Crying out in frustration, Mickey pulled Glimmermon into his arms and he pressed his cheek against the little digimon's tiny light bulb. "I can't believe you're really going to do this. Sam..you..you..."
"Idiot?" Sam laughed bitterly. "Go ahead and say it. It's true, I am an idiot."
"I didn't...that's not..." Mickey felt Sam's arms suddenly go around him and he quickly snapped his mouth shut, startled but his friend's unexpected embrace. "Sam-"
"Take care of him for me," Sam sobbed softly into his ear. "Keep him safe and please, please...don't let anyone hurt him."
"Never."
To Mickey's surprise, he found himself fighting back tears of his own, and unable to suppress them, he quickly buried his face against Sam's shoulder and hugged his friend as tightly as he could. "You know I'm not just going to let you walk away without a fight, right?"
"I had a feeling you were going to say that." Sighing softly, Sam quickly pulled away from him and began to move towards the door. "Go ahead and try, but I'm going to make you work for it."
"What about the Digital World? Are you going to come with us tomorrow?"
Sam paused with his hand on the door, and turning slightly, he shrugged his shoulders, a faint smile turning up the corners of his mouth. "Somehow I don't think Dai will give me any other choice, but if I do go, it'll be without my father."
"You're making a mistake, Sam."
"I'll see you later, Mickey."
Before the older twin could protest, Sam disappeared from the room and Mickey was left sitting on the bed with a sobbing Glimmermon in his lap and an angry Palelymon fuming beside him.
How are you supposed to help someone who doesn't want any help?
Shaking his head, Mickey set Glimmermon gently on the bed, and he reached down to pick up the framed photograph of Sam and his family. They looked so happy together. In fact, they looked exactly like the kind of family other people would be envious of.
How can Sam just throw that all away?
The thought made Mickey wince, and holding the photo tightly against his chest, he shifted his gaze towards the open door and smiled softly to himself.
I won't let you do this, Sam. You can try to run away from it all, but in the end I know your path is going to lead you directly back to us. It's okay, though, cause we'll be waiting for you and that includes your dad. I wonder what you'll do if it turns out I'm right about DarkAngelicmon...