A/N: I want to thank those for commenting and being so encouraging on my first two chapters; both positive and critical. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to leave me a review. It makes me feel a little less alone on here. I never share my work, so I am used to writing into the void. This is a whole other experience. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
To address some comments and questions from Chapters 1 & 2.
(Feel free not to read these notes. Ignoring the notes will not take away from understanding the story.)
Paul's character development. I really want to flesh out Paul's character. His persona from Bella's perspective in New Moon is only what she observes. I want Paul to have a few more layers in my story. We will get to see the confident, fun-loving Paul we know and love here and there. However, keep in mind that the way he behaves with his buddies is not the way he would behave while he is attempting to woo his imprint. At least not in the beginning. Another thing to note (and this is canon) Paul makes a real effort to become softer and less reactive for Rachel's sake.
Rachel's character development. The death of Rachel's mother is a key focal point in what drives her ambitions. She wanted to run away. That being said, developing more on that aspect is essential to her evolution. She's got a lot of emotional baggage to unpack. In terms of what she has been up to since going away to school, this is something that will be explored. Rachel has lived her life. She's accomplished goals, she's had setbacks, she's made mistakes... she's a real person. She did not freeze in time the second she stepped outside of La Push.
My opinion on Bella? I have a lot of thoughts on Bella. I could write an essay (haha). She will be mentioned and discussed in the next few chapters. Obviously, we have a very moody Jacob Black on our hands right now. His character is in alignment with what is currently going on by the end of Eclipse. I don't believe this story will coincide with all the events in Breaking Dawn because I'll probably wrap it up before Bella and Edward return from their honeymoon.
Thanks again! For those who are enjoying the story so far, I hope it continues to please.
Rachel
A hot shower would have been nice but the water tank in this old house had other plans. So I took a lukewarm shower and tried to wash off the sadness for all that has been lost. Not just Mom's stuff... Graduation; loss of the life I've known these past few years. Lacrosse; loss of a dream and direction in my life. My virginity; loss of something I didn't even think I'd care about. The pregnancy?
I don't regret terminating the pregnancy. What the hell am I going to do with a baby? I guess I regret the loss of innocence; I thought having sex would be fun. I regret trusting him. I know he took off the condom. I don't really know. I think he did... When I asked him about it later, all he said was, 'would I do that?'. I don't know. Maybe? What kind of an answer is that? I told him the abortion cost $200 more than it really did. I took karma into my own hands and it bit me in the ass because while I was busy at the abortion clinic someone else was busy breaking into my dorm room and stealing my laptop.
The pregnancy was ended. I was cleared of STDs (thank god). I'm never having sex again. No regrets.
Even so... The shame for what I did is unbearable. What would my family think of me if they knew? What would Mom say?
She'd say, Get it together, Girly.
I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror as I towel my black wavy hair. Then I remember… Mom's stuff. It hits me like a punch to my gut.
It would have taken minutes to sort through the boxes and claim momentos of Mom's. I put it off. Why? Why did I do that? … I know…. It's because thinking of Mom brings so much pain and guilt. Nobody knows. Not Dad, not Jacob, not Rebecca… but the reason Mom is dead is because of me.
I was 13. I had — for the millionth time — put off doing a homework assignment until the very last minute. I stayed up late that Sunday night, neatly writing out my case study about hurricanes on small cards. When I was ready to arrange it all on my bristol board, I found that the glue stick Mom had just bought me had dried out. I'd left it in my pencil case without the cap on. Mom didn't want to go out to buy me a new one. She said it was late and she had been working all day long and was tired. She told me to use my sister's but Rebecca had left her's at school. Jacob lost his. She was mad at me when I told her the assignment was due tomorrow. 'I guess I'll just get an incomplete,' I spat at her. She gave me a scathing lecture about putting things off until the last minute. 'Get it together, Girly,' she scolded me and walked out the door… for the last time.
Get it together… Yeah. I'm still working on that, Mom.
I pull my oversized WSU t-shirt over my head. It's long and goes down to my knees. My hair is not dry enough so my shoulders are immediately soaked.
"Girly, there's pizza!" Dad calls from downstairs.
I look at myself in the mirror and nod. Just three weeks. I slide my fluffy maroon robe onto my arms and wander down the hallways until I reach the stairs.
"WELCOME HOME!"
The kitchen is full of people. Some I recognise, some I don't. I am startled and have to remind myself to close my mouth. Then I am mortified because, here I am, standing in front of a room full of people in a soaked t-shirt with no bra underneath.
"Oh! Oh my gosh!" I quickly wrap my robe tightly around myself, "um… uh, thank you so much. This is so… I wasn't expecting- Uh… I'm just. I'll be right back!" I shout and hurry back to the room I'm staying in.
What the actual fuck, Dad!?
I can't believe he did this to me. I slam the door behind me. I look like a fucking mess and am supposed to be some kind of guest of honor? For what, though? I'm home for three weeks. This is not a big deal. I scramble, looking through my luggage for something to wear. This is so embarrassing.
I'm startled by a knock on my door.
"Yeah! I'm getting dressed, give me a minute!" I shout, thinking it's either Jacob or Dad.
"Rachel? Can I come in?" a woman's voice asks. I'm confused. Who is that?
I go to the door and crack it open. I recognise her. It's Emily Young. Leah Clearwater's cousin. Why is she here? I stare. What happened to her face? It's all scarred up along one side.
"Oh. Mauled by a bear," Emily explains, running her fingers along the jagged scars of her face.
"Oh. Um. I wasn't… I mean… Sorry," I apologise when I realise that I was staring at her scars and it was rude. I step aside and let her into the empty room with just my luggage and an air mattress inflated on the floor.
"I just wanted to check on you. I'm sorry. I think we ambushed you a little," Emily smiles warmly and goes over to my luggage, "may I help?"
"Um… I guess," I reply and follow her, "I wasn't expecting this. I'm not exactly popular around here. I don't even know half of the people downstairs."
"You'll get to know everyone," she replies confidently and hands me a light blue cardigan with a white tank top and a pair of my favorite jeans from my luggage. "Don't worry. Everyone is very friendly."
"Okay," I exhale and watch as she walks back out into the hallway. She stops for a moment to smile at me and then closes the door.
Everyone is very friendly? Who is everyone?
I get dressed. There's no mirror in the room but I know I must look like a hot mess. I button up the light blue cardigan all the way and rake my fingers through my wet hair, attempting to look at least a little bit put together.
When I leave the bedroom and make it to the bottom of the stairs, I am relieved that the party seems to be already in progress and no one really notices when I come down. I get a few waves, smiles and nods but no one is asking me questions about how university was, how long I'm staying and what my plans are. Thank. God.
Dad is sitting over in the living room talking to Chief Swan. He's gotten older too.
"Oh, good! Come with me!" Emily says, looping her arm with mine.
"Um, okay," I reply. I still don't understand why Emily has taken such an interest in me. We hardly know each other.
Emily drags me out onto the porch where a small group has formed; Sam Uley, my brother, Seth, Embry and Quil. My face becomes hot as I recall the interaction from earlier this evening of them laughing at me. Off to the side is a young couple I don't recognise and that guy who squeezed my wrist really hard. What's his name again? Oh, yeah. Paul Lahote.
"Uh, hi," I say timidly as they are all staring at me. I look over to my brother who is holding a beer, "hey! Does Dad know you're drinking?"
Jacob shrugs and takes a swig. He has the same scowl on his face that he's had from the moment I arrived. I'm actually getting really tired of his shit.
Sam Uley clears his throat and Seth stands up really quick.
"Oh, um, hey, Rachel," Seth says softly, "I'm uh… really sorry about earlier. We were just messing around. It didn't mean anything."
"Yeah," Quil nods, "we didn't mean to offend you," he says and then pushes an elbow into Embry's ribs.
"Sorry," Embry mutters; obviously a forced apology.
"Oh. Uh, it's okay," I reply. The hot feeling spreads from my face to my neck and ears.
"Do you know everyone?" Sam asks as though sensing my urgency to move on from earlier events. Emily settles into his lap.
Well, that's a new development. Last time I was home he was with her cousin, Leah. I glance around at the group. None of them seem surprised by this. Okay. Not a new development, I guess.
"Uh… Well, I remember you, Sam. And, of course, Emily. How could I forget these stooges; Embry, Quil and Seth? I hardly made any money babysitting you three, despite all of the trouble you boys caused me. I met Paul Lahote, earlier," I point to the boy who nearly broke my wrist. His posture straightens immediately when I point at him; as if I were his drill sergeant. I smile; that was funny. He smiles back at me which immediately does something weird to my stomach — an odd flipping sensation as if I were on a rollercoaster — so I am forced to avert my eyes. What was that?
I look at the couple, "I'm sorry, I don't know you," I admit.
"I'm Kim. This is Jared," the girl says with a smile. "I'm so happy to meet you," she grins from ear to ear.
Okay… Why do I feel like a little bit of a celebrity? I don't like it.
"Can I go now? Are we done with this little meet and greet?" Jacob asks with his new trademark scowl and takes another swig of beer.
"Jacob, don't be rude," Sam mutters.
Jacob stares at Sam for a good 30 seconds and then sighs, "okay. I'm ruining the party. I'm going for a run," he mumbles, putting his beer down and stands up.
"A run?" I frown, "it's like almost 10 o'clock. You won't be able to see anything."
Jacob laughs at me. A few of the guys join him in a light chuckle as if there is some kind of inside joke that I don't know about.
"Jacob, stay," I reply, ignoring the chuckles.
"Why? You didn't!" he snaps.
A pang of guilt punches me in the gut. Ouch. That hurt. He resents me for leaving? This is news. I can't believe he just said that in front of all these people I barely know.
"Okay. What is your problem?" I ask. I've had enough. I don't care if I am putting him on blast in front of his friends. This behaviour is unacceptable.
He snorts, "I don't have a problem," he mutters and sits back down, picking up his beer again.
"Yes you do! The entire evening you've acted as though you have a giant stick up your butt. What is it? Was I not supposed to come home? Am I ruining your summer?" I cross my arms. Jacob doesn't answer me. I look around at his friends who are all looking down. "Really? Can someone please fill me in?" I ask. My eyes connect with Paul; the only one not staring at the floor of the old wooden porch. "You, Lahote, what's my brother's problem?"
Paul Lahote stares at me. It's as if he's unable to look away.
"Please?" I cross my arms. What's the big secret?
"Uh… It's um... well I guess it's a girl," Paul Lahote says quietly.
"Fucking whipped already," Jacob mutters under his breath. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.
One by one they all look up at Jacob as though he is a live bomb and might explode.
"A girl? You broke up with a girl?" I ask. That's news. I didn't even know he was dating yet.
Jacob doesn't answer me. He puts the beer to his lips again.
I look at Paul Lahote again and tilt my head to the side. Is there more?
"Well… he never really got with her. She's engaged now to a vam- uh, someone he doesn't like," Paul fills me in.
"Are you my fucking spokesperson?" Jacob snaps at Paul.
Paul grins at Jacob as though he finds my brother's irritation somewhat amusing.
"Hold on. She's engaged?" I ask. I'm confused. How is my 16-year-old baby brother all torn up by a girl who is getting married. "Who is she?"
"Bella Swan," Paul replies, quickly. I think he's just trying to annoy Jake, now.
"Unbelievable," Jacob mutters in contempt of Paul for giving me all of the details.
"Swan? Chief Swan's daughter? Isabella Swan?" I go to sit next to my brother because he looks genuinely torn up by this. Seth stands so I can sit down.
"I don't want to talk about it," Jacob says, his thumb scraping at the label on the beer bottle.
"Sweetie, there are other girls," I tell him, softly.
Jacob looks at me. His eyes say that there is so much more to this that I don't understand. I write it off as teen angst.
"Besides, isn't she like 18 now?" I frown. "You're 16, baby brother, she's too old for you. Honestly, it'd be a little gross."
Embry snorts and starts laughing. Quil looks at him curiously and then, as though a lightbulb has gone off, starts laughing too. Seth giggles along.
I frown at the boys. What's funny now?
Jacob's lips curl up into a little smirk, his eyebrows flick up and he looks at Paul, "what do you think, Paul?"
"It wouldn't be gross..." Paul remarks.
My eyes bulge at the boy in the white t-shirt and khaki shorts. Seriously? I'm trying to help my brother get over this chick and he's saying that it could have worked out and wouldn't have been inappropriate.
"Yes. Yes it would be, Lahote," I retort.
"Age is just a number," Paul defends himself.
"Oh. I get it," I chuckle, shaking my head, "you've got yourself a little jailbait girlfriend?"
"Uh…" Paul's ears turn red, "no… I'm single. I'm just saying that people make such a big deal out of this age thing and-"
"Okay," I interrupt Paul Lahote with a giant eye roll. He's not helping me console my brother, "I tell you what. I'm 19 — granted I've got one year on Bella Swan — there is no fucking way in hell I'm dating a sophomore."
"Junior," Paul replies, quickly as though it matters.
"What?"
"A 16-years-old is a Junior. Not a sophomore," he says softly with a defeated expression on his face.
"Oh my god. I don't care, Paul!" I huff, trying to end this discussion by turning back towards my brother. Jacob has big stupid grin on his face, snickering at Paul.
I follow my brother's gaze back to Paul. His eyes connect with Jacob's and his demeanor changes. He becomes irate. Paul looks back at me, "so you think you're too good to date a younger guy, then?" Paul asks, leaning back against the porch's rail. He grips the banister with his fist. It creaks.
"Paul," Sam says in a warning tone.
This guy! What is his problem? Why is he challenging me on this?
"Yes!" I shout.
"Really?" he snorts.
Sam clears his throat, "um… maybe we should talk about something else," Sam tries to intervene but I ignore him. Is he like their stepdad or something? Why is Sam playing referee?
I expel a harsh breath. I'm not done with this, "I pay bills, I have insurance, an adult bank account-"
"A university degree," Jacob adds to my list with amusement.
"Sure," I agree with Jacob. "Seriously, man. I am so past high school boys. Paul, if you want to date some 16-year-old little baby go right ahead. Okay. You don't need my approval but don't encourage my baby brother to go after Isabella fucking Swan!"
"I'm 16!" he shouts.
I stare at him. What? Really? How? I glance around at the whole group. What is with this group of boys? Guys did not look like this when I was in high school. I thought he was at least 21. Just about all of these guys, my brother included, would not even get carded in a bar.
"Why does this matter to you?" I say, finally calming my voice now that I am aware that I am arguing with a high schooler.
Paul seems to be lost for words. A stark contrast to his confrontational demeanor just moments ago. "Can we uh… can we go for a walk?" he asks.
What? Um...
"Uh… no," I shake my head.
"I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot," he replies. "Let's go for a walk. I just want to-"
"Murder me in the woods?" I interrupt him.
Embry and Jacob both snort out a laugh in response to my suggestion.
I ignore the snorts, "I don't know you. And it's the middle of the night." I look over to my brother. Is this Paul guy for real?
Jacob shrugs, "go," he nods.
Really? Not concerned at all? Nice family I got.
"Well, this has been… something," I stand, "I'm going to bed."
"Oh, Rachel, please don't go," Emily stands with me.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude but this has been a really long day and I could use some rest," I apologize to Emily. I turn around to go back inside the house and am surprised to see that Paul Lahote is gone. Disappeared. He was there seconds ago and now he is gone. Just like before, on the beach. I must be even more tired than I thought. I'm imagining things.
Jacob stands too, "I'll tell Dad to wrap things up."
"No! Everyone stay. Have a good time. I'll be around," I assure them, "I'm here for three whole weeks," I smile.
Just three weeks… Just three weeks…