A/N: This story was written as part of a 'secret santa' thing in a ZLS discord server I'm in :) Hope it brings you all some xmas cheer!
The One True Mall Santa
Saki had seen a lot of shit in her life. Blood and guts, arms bent the wrong way. She was a fighter, a rebel. She was fearless. She was the kinda girl who always had five knuckles and a 'fuck you' stowed away in her back pocket. In the 90s she was the leader of Kyushu's most feared biker gang. Today she was Santa Klaus.
"Ho, ho, ho!" she bellowed, signalling to Lily that it was time to bring in the next kid.
Lily, who was dressed in a sparkly red dress, skipped across the makeshift grotto and poked her head out through the curtained doorway. The jingle bells holding up her massive twintails jingled merrily as she went.
From outside came Ai's voice, synthetic sweetness, "You must be Kana-chan!"
Families had to fill out a little form at the front to book a timeslot. Everyone wanted to come see Santa when they heard that Franchouchou would be his elves for the season. Saki cleared her throat and tried to look friendly. All things considered, she was doing a better job than Kotaro would have.
Where the hell is Shades, anyway?
It was him who was meant to be sitting in Santa's throne, not her. AEON Karatsu actually had their own, in-house Santa, but somehow Shades had convinced them to let Franchouchou handle the entire 'Santa's Grotto' production for the year. No skin off Saki's teeth. She thought she'd just be the bodyguard. Maybe take a few photos. Yet here she was.
"Say hi to Santa," Lily said in a sing-song voice. The girl she'd led into the den was small. Quiet looking. She barely registered on Saki's leg as Lily parked her there and instructed, "How about you tell Santa what you want for Christmas?"
Saki gave Kana a warm smile. It seemed to relax her a little, as she leaned closer, pulling on Saki's fake beard just a little too much, and said, "I want a castle."
"A castle?" Saki replied in a whisper that wasn't really a whisper at all, "You sure do dream big, huh."
"Can you get it? Can you put it in my stocking? It won't be too big, will it?"
Saki gave her a confident grin, "Don't worry Kana, I'll find a way to get it in. There's a reason they call me 'Back Door Santa'."
Lily coughed loudly, "Ahem! Thank you Santa! Maybe now we should give Kana-chan her gift?"
"Right, right, of course."
Sakura, who'd been half-hiding behind the grotto's chibi Christmas tree, tiptoed into position behind the tripod camera. The photos sold for megabank, which is probably why Shades wanted to get in on the business.
He takes the cash while I handle the kids… Yeah right. Still, I'm kinda starting to enjoy this!
Kana picked up a present from a sack beside the throne.
Sakura smiled, "Say cheese!"
And so left another satisfied customer. Saki listened in as Yugiri and Tae sold the mother on the Christmas snaps. They tried their best to explain why Santa was poking 'his' tongue out and flipping the bird. If the mom had any doubts then it didn't matter, cos she bought three copies in the end. It was all going real smoothly. Saki could do this all day. The others, however, weren't so keen.
Sakura suggested, "Maybe we should go find Kotaro-san."
"Fuck him!" Saki declared in her outdoor voice, "If that asshole wanted to do the job he shoulda been here on time!" Sakura flinched at each swear.
Lily pouted, "Keep your voice down, dummy! You're supposed to be Santa!"
"I am Santa!"
Lily looked at Sakura. Sakura nodded, then she poked her head through the curtains. Saki overheard her say Ai and Junko's names.
"Having fun out there?" Saki asked sarcastically as Sakura crept back over to her Christmas tree hideout.
She laughed nervously, "I was just checking in on Ai-chan and Junko-chan."
Saki knew there was more going on, but she couldn't tell what it was.
Sakura gulped, "W-We should bring in the next child. Lily-chan, if you could—"
"I won't swear in front of the kids," Saki interrupted with a grin, "I promise. So relax, alright? It's Christmas!"
Ai had many faces. Some were obvious, some were so subtle that almost no one noticed them come and go. Junko saw them all.
"That idiot," Ai tutted, batting the bell on her elf hat out of the way. Junko couldn't tell whether she was referring to Saki or Tatsumi, but knowing Ai she probably meant both. Her face was that special kind of irritated, the kind she got when she knew she had to be the one to solve the problem, the kind she got when she was absolutely determined to see it through to the end. Although Ai would've disagreed, to Junko, it was a truly beautiful expression.
Together they strolled out of the technicolour dreamworld of Molly Fantasy Arcade, the home of their Franchouchou Christmas grotto. Even as they joined the throng of festive shoppers the pounding beat of 'Percussion Master' stayed with them, drowned out only by the tinny warble of Christmas music. Junko was tempted to take Ai's hand, but she knew how embarrassed Ai got when she was affectionate in public.
She kept the thought in the back of her mind for later and followed her beloved into a nearby bookstore. Five minutes later she followed her back out again. Ai's irritation deepened. Confusion crossed her stern brow.
"Where is he?"
Junko wasn't sure. The last time she saw him was the same time any of them saw him — storming away after he'd shepherded them to the grotto in the arcade. He was mumbling something about getting his suit repaired. Junko told Ai this.
"His suit, huh?" Ai turned, her knuckles brushing ever so slightly against Junko's fingers. Junko felt the temptation return. She could almost feel Ai's fingers sliding between hers now, the little pits and bumps of her burn scars, the hint of a bandage, then their hands are fully interlaced and—
"Junko?"
Ai was several feet away now. Junko collected herself and hurried over. Together they went to a formalwear store called 'Mac House'. If Junko were to sum up her impression of the store in a single word, the word she'd choose would be brown. It was very brown. The wooden shelves lined with shirts were brown, the carpet was brown, the light fixtures were brown. Tall, burgundy shelving surrounded them on all sides. Junko couldn't see the cashier.
"What a frustrating place," she said to herself.
Ai agreed, "I don't know why he even needed his suit repaired. There's nothing wrong with it."
"Maybe I misheard him…"
"Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't matter. We have to start looking for him somewhere. Might as well be here."
Everyone likes a nice item of apparel. Something comfortable. Something stylish. It's usually an either-or decision. Some people go into a store and buy every item that takes their fancy. They have wardrobes and wardrobes of clothes they'll never wear. In life, Junko had the means to buy whatever she wanted, but she often ended her shopping trips empty handed. She preferred to let the clothes speak to her. She'd wander and wander and look and look, hoping for something to jump out at her.
That day, in AEON Karatsu, something did jump out at her. A corduroy blazer, brown like the rest of the store. It fell from the highest shelf and landed on Ai's head. She let out the most adorable yelp, then stumbled back, right into Junko. Junko could feel she had the balance and strength to keep herself upright. Her muscles were tensed and ready. If she'd maintained her posture she'd have kept them both on their feet. But in that moment a little voice in her head told her that if she moved her foot just a little, they'd both come tumbling down, one on top of the other, hidden under the blazer. Junko listened to that voice.
Ai was invisible in the darkness, but even so, Junko found her lips.
"Jun—!?"
Just a peck. She didn't want to anger her beloved too much more.
"Junko…" softer this time. It gave Junko confidence, enough confidence to try a second kiss. And a third. They must've looked quite ridiculous, sprawled out on the floor under a blazer, but Junko couldn't tell, and nor could Ai. No one would know what was going on under that corduroy jacket.
When Ai finally pulled the blazer off of her head, Junko expected to see quite a crowd around them. But no, only shirts and ties greeted her flushed face.
"Here," Ai said, offering a hand, and oh she looked so pretty when she smiled like that, "I'll help you up."
She didn't let go, even after they left 'Mac House'. They searched the entire 2nd floor hand in hand. Junko looked to Ai, expecting to see that familiar self-consciousness, but there was only love. Love and, naturally, frustration.
"Can't find that numbskull anywhere…"
They were going to have to call in the big guns.
This wasn't the first time Yugiri had cleaned up Kotaro's mess, and, as she scoured the 1st floor looking for their missing producer, she knew very well that it wouldn't be the last.
"Tae-han, do you remember where he went?"
Tae, who at that moment was helping herself to a bucket of donuts from the aptly named 'Mister Donut', pointed at the main entrance and grunted, "Grah!"
Tae was many things. She was noisy, insatiably hungry, and usually covered in drool, but she was not an idiot. When Yugiri saw her friend point to the entrance with such confidence, she knew immediately that their producer had left to go to the parking lot.
"Come, we must hurry!"
Their van wasn't outside the central entrance. It wasn't outside the west entrance either, or the east one, reserved for food delivery vehicles. It wasn't parked on the curb or crashed into a tree. It wasn't anywhere. Then Yugiri remembered: the AEON mall had an interior section specially made for vehicles. Like a stack of horse stables, but much, much bigger.
He must be there.
In they went, into the dark cave filled with sleeping cars. It was more like a tomb than a stable, Yugiri decided. Cold, grey, and silent. Tae stuck close by, her nose in the air, her eyes alert. Even if Yugiri didn't recognise the van, Tae would. They searched every row, to no avail. Then she saw the staircase.
"There's another level…"
Christmas music echoed from a distant place as she entered the concrete stairwell. As she reached the top she heard a voice, his voice.
"Franchouchou will save Christmas, just like they saved Saga!"
A much older voice replied, "Humbug! I'm the Santa here, I'm the one who saves Christmas! Not some pimped-up idols!"
She'd reached the roof, an open-air parking lot atop the entire mall, and in its center stood the man she was looking for, face to face with none other than Santa Claus himself. Both men were perfectly still, staring each other down, their clothes buffeted by the bitter wind. Yugiri reached into her green elf coat and pulled out a long candy cane. It was as hard as rock. More than enough to incapacitate an attacker.
Tae's footsteps clapped up the stairs behind her, "Grrrrhhrhrhrh."
"Shh," Yugiri said gently, then she began to creep towards the enemy Santa. Tae followed, mimicking Yugiri's stealthy posture and quieting her growls. They were in plain view of Kotaro, though if he noticed them he didn't let it show.
The Santa was really agitated now, "You got me fired at Christmas! Can you even imagine how that feels!? This is how I put presents under my tree, you asshole!"
Kotaro was unmoved, "There are plenty of other shopping malls."
"And plenty of other Santas! This was my turf! You flap your gums about saving Saga, but where does that leave me, huh? Do I not count?"
"I'm sorry," Kotaro said flatly, "but nothing can get in the way of Franchouchou. Nothing."
The Santa reached into his coat and pulled out a grenade, "Funny. I think this little fella will do the trick just fine."
Yugiri didn't wait. She darted forward, candy cane in hand. In one smooth motion she rammed it into his back, knocking him off his feet. The grenade flew into the air. Tae was on the Santa before he even hit the ground. Biting and scratching him. Somehow, even over the sound of his screaming and the howl of the wind, Yugiri could still hear the loud boom of Saki's 'ho ho ho' downstairs.
Kotaro was frantic, "GET AWAY! GET AWAY FROM THERE! HE PULLED THE PIN ON THAT GRENADE!"
Yugiri didn't know how modern grenades worked. All she knew was that they exploded — that much she'd gathered from all the video games she played with Lily. They exploded, and they exploded big. Thinking quickly, she dragged Tae off of the wounded Santa and pulled her towards Kotaro. She didn't worry herself about the Santa. He was down for the count.
Or at least he was, until he got to his feet and leaped onto Kotaro. The two fumbled around like a pair of beached fish, swerving back and forth, gradually closing in on the grenade.
"Kotaro-han!" Yugiri cried.
And then it happened.
Lily had just about had it with Saki's nonsense.
"Oi, Shrimpy!" Saki grunted, "Get Shun his gift!"
Shun looked up at 'Santa' with eyes wide with wonder, "Is Shrimpy her elf name?"
Lily heard Saki stifling laughter, "Yep, sure is, kid."
Shun gave Lily a genuine smile as he took the present, "Thank you, Shrimpy!"
"You're very," Lily began, then she glared at Saki, "welcome."
Shun left happy, and thanks to Ai and Junko's hard work, the father left with an extra large photograph. Lily adjusted her sleigh bell hairbands. Saki watched.
"You look like a Christmas tree," she noted with a smirk.
Lily thought about punching Saki in the face. She kept that image in her mind as she smiled sweetly at the next lucky customer, "And what's your name?"
"Chie!" the little girl said.
That was the moment the ceiling outside Molly Fantasy decided to collapse.
Junko screamed. Ai gasped. Sakura yelped.
Saki bellowed, "What the FUCK!?"
Lily saw it first. A ball of rubble falling down from the ceiling. Somehow it landed far away from any of the shoppers. The fragmented concrete clumped up in a neat pile, almost the shape of a Christmas pudding, and sitting on top, the cherry on the cake, was a man in a bright red suit.
Lily couldn't believe her eyes, "Is that… Santa Claus?"
It was. He was in the middle of the rubble, and he looked angry.
"You stole my job!" he roared, punching someone who she couldn't see.
Suddenly from behind her she heard Saki ask, "Alright, what the hell's going on? Wait… is that…?"
"Santa? Yes."
"No, Shades!"
"What!?"
Saki was right. Tatsumi was on top of Santa now, wrestling him amongst the wreckage. But he didn't stay on top for long. Santa was stronger, much stronger by the looks of it. Tatsumi didn't stand a chance.
Saki rolled up her sleeves, "I don't know who the fuck that guy is, but he's going down! The only one who beats up Shades is ME!"
"Saki-chan, wait!" Lily called out, forgetting that she was still surrounded by people.
"No way!" Saki yelled back, "I never run from a fight!"
The children watched Saki sprint to the battlefield. They stared unblinking as she showed Santa exactly what a yankee biker from the 90s was capable of. Then they turned to Lily, their eyes wide with horror.
"Is Santa… dead?"
"No! Haha…ha…" Lily answered shakily, "Santa can't die! He's magic! They were just playing!"
But make no mistake. I will kill Saki with my own two hands when we get back…
The next morning, Sakura was prepared for the worst. Kotaro's hospital stay had been short, but the AEON Mall grotto had been a total disaster. It wasn't their fault, they couldn't have predicted that the old mall Santa would come with a bomb, but even so she felt responsible.
If only I'd gone looking for him sooner…
When the door slammed open and he strode into the dreary basement that was their command room, Sakura held her breath and bowed her head. Her body was one hundred percent tension.
Kotaro cleared his throat, "Ladies," Sakura squeezed her eyes shut, "The Zombie Land Mall Santa Project was… without a shadow of a doubt…" she gripped the hem of her skirt, "An unmitigated success!"
Sakura spoke without thinking, "Huh…?"
"Yes!" Kotaro replied, "Hold that pointy nose high, Sakura! We made a big impact! Huge! A Christmas tsunami!"
Saki snickered, "I take it you enjoyed getting beaten up by an old man then?"
"Laugh all you want!" he chided, folding his arms, "But our grotto made the news all across Kyushu! Everyone was talking about how Santa saved the city from a bomb threat!"
Saki looked pleased with herself, "All in a day's work!"
Kotaro adjusted his sunglasses, "Incidentally, they've invited us back for next year."
Sakura felt all the weight fall from her shoulders, "Really?"
"Yes! You guys did great! Of course, you wouldn't have done anything if not for my incredible marketing ability…"
The others started chatting merrily amongst themselves. Sakura still felt in a daze, "Wow…"
"What a relief," Junko sighed, "Though it's no surprise with how well you took those photographs, Sakura-san."
"M-Me? N-No I just… I was just doing my best."
Saki's arm flumped round Sakura's shoulders, "You did great, girl. I'd have you as my elf any day."
Sakura blushed, "Haha, well, I mean, next year I guess, huh?"
Suddenly Kotaro was crouched in front of them, "Actually, you'll be doing it again tomorrow, in Saga City."
Sakura blinked, "Excuse me?"
Kotaro straightened up all at once like a jack in the box, "Christmas isn't over yet, you dumb zombie! So all of you, keep your Christmas spirit bright and cheery, because you'll be needing every bit of it until the 25th! Now go! GO GO GO GO GO!"
"But we're not even—"
"HO HO HO!" Kotaro barked, pulling a Santa hat out of nowhere, "And Saki, you'll be Santa again. But don't get into any fights this time, at least not any boring ones. HO HO HO!"
Saki cracked her knuckles, "No problem. I don't do boring."
Sakura sighed, but inside she was smiling. However crazy her new zombie family was, they certainly had more than enough cheer to go around. Saga City could go smoothly, or it could end in another explosion-filled brawl, but either way it'd be fun. Besides, she couldn't imagine a better way to spend Christmas than spreading joy with her friends.
Though seriously, it'd be nice to spend one day with Saki that didn't end in a street fight.
"Once a biker, always a biker, huh…"
Saki looked over her shoulder, "You say something?"
Sakura shook her head, "No, nothing."
Saki grinned, "Hey, is that a mistletoe over there?"
"Huh? No. There's no mistletoe there."
"You sure? I think we better check, up close…"
"Saki-chan…"