Hello my lovelies! Happy Friday!

As always your reviews make me so darn happy, really they do! I'm really excited to see all of your reactions to the next few chapters because some things happen (not Dramione just yet my darlings).

Please leave a review and let me know what you think ;)

My tumblr: indiebluecrown. tumblr. com

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, and only the story line and any OC's belong to me.

For Lisa cause I still can't believe I was a part of her Fanfiction Author's Advent Calendar this year. I feel so honoured and happy, and I just thought I'd say thank you with a chapter all for her xxx

Darling Lily,

I'm going fucking insane.

More accurately I want to scream, but I can't.

Remus...Remus and I broke up, and no it isn't because he did anything horrid or dreadful. I can't really explain it, but it was just...time? Bloody hell.

I can't talk to any of the boys about this, and the person I would talk to besides Remus about things like this is Draco...but he's being Draco...I think his breakup with Marlene is affecting him more than he is letting on—he bottles things up and eventually you manage to pry it out of him, but in the meantime he suffers in silence. Idiot. You'd think he would rely on me more by now.

Dammit, I know this letter is an incoherent jumble of words, but that's how my head feels. It's as if my brain is about to rupture at any moment, my heart hurts and I keep crying myself to sleep.

I don't even know if I'm going to send this letter because I don't wish to worry you.

One thing I'm glad about is that I'm home with my parents, and also that I have Mipsy's delectable cooking to look forward to everyday.

In fact, I've been spending most of my days with Mum, and when I'm not with her, I'm helping Dad in the gardens. Oh, the gardens, you should see them. They are absolutely stunning this year, and the yummy smell floats into my room every morning.

This summer has been so bright and sunny it's surreal—I can't believe it's August already. Soon it'll be over and we'll be heading back to school. Time does slip through our fingers doesn't it? It just keeps slipping…

I have a confession to make. I am sad about Remus, I'm downright terrified by the things I'm hearing about You-Know-Who...but the real reason I'm writing you today is because I'm scared for Sirius. He's leaving to go home in a few days because Walburga insisted there was an event he simply couldn't miss.

Walburga...it isn't my place to disclose any details of Sirius's familial life, so I won't, I can't. That would be terribly wrong of me and a grotesque betrayal of Sirius's trust.

It isn't my place and now I can't send this bloody letter because if I do I feel like the stupid fucking Unbreakable Vow will kill me.

So you know what? Fuck it. Fuck everything. I hate Dumbledore, I really do. He took away the only chance I may have had to save you and James...and too many others.

I miss Harry and Ron, and I know that if I change anything that they may cease to exist and…I couldn't bear that. I must confess that sometimes I forget what Ron looks like and it hurts. I remember his eyes, I remember his freckles, what it felt like when he rocked me to sleep when I had nightmares…but I can't picture his face clearly and it kills me. I don't have any pictures, I don't have anything of theirs.

In the end I probably wouldn't have changed anything, despite it killing a part of me, Unbreakable Vow or not…but I wanted that to be my choice, not some old, manipulative arsehole who uses us all as pieces in his chess game as he sees fit.

I highly doubt you'll ever see this letter, Lily, since I'll most likely crumple this up and start anew as soon as I'm finished inking it—such a waste of parchment, but I feel slightly better at least.

Dammit I can't save anyone and it's driving me up a wall.

Sirius once told us—older Sirius—that he ran away from home and the Potters took him in when he was sixteen. I'm scared because I don't know why he ran away, but it must be terrible knowing his bitch of a Mother.

I know Remus is feeling dreadful at the moment and he's hurting just as much as I am, but he found his mate. Even if he's going to be a sodding prick because he was afraid and convinced that he wasn't good though—don't worry I'm going to bonk him on the head for that when I see Remus again…my first Remus, my beautiful, sweet Moon.

HE LEFT TONKS WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT BECAUSE HE WAS FREAKING OUT AND I SWEAR TO CIRCE THAT I AM GOING TO HEX HIM FOR THAT!

Tonks. Oh, Tonks, she's adorable, Lily. Even though I knew she is Remus's mate…fuck, we're sixteen you know? I got caught up in everything, in just living my life.

So, even though my heart is a shredded hunk of meat in my chest right now, I know I'll be okay and I know that it was the right time.

I love you so much Lily Evans, so much, and I wish I could actually send this…but alas, I can't.

I should probably get on writing the actual letter I'm going to send you and hopefully it will be a smidge more uplifting than this.

All my love,

Hermione.

"Shite," Sirius murmured lowly to his companion: Remus was beside him, head still in his hands—he'd been silent the entire time Padfoot was reading aloud.

About twenty minutes ago they'd left Lupin Den—with Remus stopping to ruffle Teddy's hair and plant a firm kiss on Tonks's lips—before they used their lockets to apparate to Potter Manor: Sirius had been overly frustrated about Riley and their lack of progress on locating her, so he loudly declared to Remus that there must be some clues at the Manor. Something, anything.

Sirius had cheerily greeted Mipsy, grabbing ahold of her hands and twirling her around in a jolly circle before he sprinted up to Hermione's room—leaving Mipsy with wide eyes and holding a hand to her chest in surprise.

Sirius yelled over his shoulder at Remus, "going to Mione's room! There must be something in there!"

As soon as Sirius Black entered the almost bare room, he began to scrutinise it, looking for hints he may have missed before— he narrowed his eyes at the unclothed mattress, at the slightly ajar and empty closets.

"What are you doing?" Remus groaned from the doorway, folding his arms and leaning against the door jamb.

"I think I'm getting close," Sirius said in a hushed tone, striding into the middle of the room before lowering himself to the ground, lying down flat on his back and spread his arms and legs until he resembled a starfish.

"Now this is just fucking ridiculous," Remus rolled his eyes."

"Your doubt is interrupting the process, Moony."

"The process—"

"Shhhh, it's okay, just believe…believe," Sirius said, his voice a calm wave that washed over Remus—who snorted before walking over to Sirius and standing beside him.

Sirius was there for all of five seconds before his eyes snapped open and he swore loudly, "I've got nothing, Moony."

Remus quirked a brow, lips pursed as he held back an, 'I told you so.'.

"I really thought we'd find something," Sirius mumbled in frustration, rolling onto his side so that he was staring directly under Hermione's bare bed.

"Moony,"

"Padfoot,"

"There is something under the bed," Sirius said before he dove forward, the top half of his body disappearing beneath the bedframe in the process.

Remus rubbed his temple as Sirius's legs flailed around as he tried to reach whatever it was that he'd seen—but he'd gotten closer regardless, a flicker of hope kindling itself in his heart.

Sirius emerged moments later with an envelope yellowed with age clasped in his hand, Lily Evans neatly printed in Hermione's all too familiar cursive on the front.

Sirius coughed and blew some of the dust that had gathered under the bed out of his face, scrunching up his nose as he proudly showed Remus the letter.

"I told you we'd find something!"

Only, it was nothing like what they'd been expecting.