By the time they were sat in the restaurant Aziraphale appeared to have calmed down. He was currently inspecting the menu with great enthusiasm.
"How would you feel about sharing a starter platter?" Aziraphale asked. "We tried the- Oh no!"
Crowley looked up from his menu and saw that Aziraphale was now trying to hide behind his. "What?" Crowley asked.
"Jamie! He's at the blasted window! Don't look, Crowley!"
Crowley couldn't resist the temptation and quickly glanced at the window. Jamie was stood on the other side of the glass watching them with a scowl on his face.
"He's stalking you now?" Crowley said in disbelief.
"Don't be silly! He was probably just passing by or something."
Crowley gave Aziraphale a doubtful look.
Aziraphale drew in a deep breath. "This is rather embarrassing, but… Jamie was convinced you're my partner for some reason. And I ended up saying you were, just to make him stop asking. I'm terribly sorry!"
Crowley laughed. "No worries, angel, I don't mind. Actually, this is perfect. If he sees us being all lovey dovey then maybe he'll back off. Prepare to be romanced!"
"I don't think-" Aziraphale froze mid-sentence.
Crowley had just placed his hand over Aziraphale's on the table. It wasn't like they'd never touched before - barely ten minutes ago Aziraphale had grabbed Crowley by the arm and steered him towards the dessert stand. But Crowley had to admit that usually when he touched Aziraphale's hand like this to get his attention it wasn't accompanied by a flirtatious eyebrow wiggle. Aziraphale's face had gone bright red, but he hadn't pulled his hand away.
Crowley leaned closer. "How about you lean in and we make it look like we're about to kiss? That'll send him packing for sure. Can I kiss you on the cheek?"
"What! No! We are not going to kiss!" Aziraphale hissed, sounding scandalised.
It wasn't like it they'd never kissed on the cheek before either. Throughout history there were times when a peck on the cheek had been the standard greeting between humans, even between men. But it wasn't right to push Aziraphale if he didn't want to, especially considering he'd just had an unwanted kiss forced upon him.
"Alright," said Crowley. "How about you pretend to tell me a joke, and then I'll laugh sexily."
"Don't be ridiculous." Aziraphale yanked his hand away. "Jamie has left now anyway, so you can stop pretending." Aziraphale looked down at his menu with a frown on his face.
Crowley stared at his own menu, feeling ashamed. He'd wanted to be playful. He'd foolishly hoped that Aziraphale might flirt back given the excuse.
Crowley glanced up. "I'm happy to share a platter, by the way. For the starter. Would you like the fish one?"
"Ah, yes. That's the one I had my eye on."
They moved on to discussing what they were considering for their main courses and after a while things seemed to have gone back to normal.
Aziraphale looked up at the pianist who was playing in the corner. "What on Earth is this awful racket? I can't stand modern music."
"Aziraphale, this is Elvis Presley."
"Well, I'm sure it won't catch on. I'll go and ask the pianist to play something with a bit more class. He was only too happy to take requests the last time we were here. Excuse me a moment..."
Aziraphale stood up and slipped away. Crowley watched him go, a smile on his face. The main reason the pianist was always so happy to take Aziraphale's requests was because he always slipped him a fiver.
Crowley turned back to the table and started to fiddle with his phone. After a moment something relaxing by Mozart started to play.
"Good choice, angel," Crowley said as someone moved in close beside him, but when he looked up he was shocked to see Jamie standing over him instead. Aziraphale was still stood beside the pianist, swaying to the tune with his back to their table.
Jamie crossed his arms. "You should know that your so-called-angel was all over me at dance class. We kissed today, and he wouldn't even admit he was seeing you until I forced the truth out of him."
"Fuck off," said Crowley.
Jamie glared at him. He took a step closer and leant down until he was right in Crowley's face. "He's mine! You need to back off!"
Crowley laughed. "Aziraphale is not interested in you. I heard all about how you tried to kiss him and then dropped him on the bloody floor!"
"That's not what happened! He's lying! He's obviously trying to cover his tracks. Don't you care that he's cheating on you? You must be an idiot!" Jamie looked Crowley up and down. "And you're ugly as Hell. I don't know why he's even with you."
"I guess I'm just that good in bed."
"Not as good as me! I can go all night!"
"As hilarious as this conversation is, I suggest you fuck off before I make you fuck off."
"I'd like to see you try, you scrawny little bitch."
Jamie sneered at him, but then he backed away, his face taking on a look of pure innocence. Crowley looked across and saw Aziraphale racing towards them, panic on his face.
When Aziraphale reached them, he gave Jamie a stern look. "What are you doing? You're making a scene. Go away!"
Jamie pointed a thumb at Crowley. "Why are you with this loser? He's wearing sunglasses inside like a fucking poser."
"How dare you! Get out!"
"But he clearly doesn't love you. He won't even dance with you!"
"Actually, my Thursdays just freed up," Crowley said with a smile. "I'd love to dance with you, angel."
Jamie looked outraged. "No! He's my partner!"
"I'm not dancing with you ever again, Jamie!" Aziraphale snapped. "I've had enough of this nonsense. I'm deeply disappointed in your behaviour."
Jamie gave Crowley a furious glare, as though this was his fault, but then he turned back to Aziraphale. "You're making a terrible mistake. Call me when you're ready to apologise. You have my number."
Crowley burst into laughter.
Jamie glared at him again, his hands bunched into fists. He opened his mouth to say something but then he seemed to remember that he was in a restaurant full of people – witnesses – and they were all staring at him. He spun around and then stormed out of the restaurant.
"What on Earth possessed him to…?" Aziraphale sat down heavily. He lowered his head, his cheeks pink with embarrassment. "Everyone's looking at us," he whispered. "Maybe we should leave."
Crowley looked around, and, yes, some diners were giggling and whispering while glancing over at them - or at the door which Jamie had slammed closed on his way out. Crowley clicked his fingers and modified the memories of everyone in the restaurant. The background chatter starting up again, along with the sound of clinking cutlery as people returned their attention to their food, the atmosphere in the room going back to normal.
"There we go, angel. Everyone has completely forgotten the last ten minutes. So there's no need for us to leave - unless you want to."
"Oh. Oh, thank you," Aziraphale said with a relieved sigh, smiling gratefully as he relaxed in his seat.
The nearest waiter was hit with the sudden urge to serve their table. He came over, wrote down their orders and then shuffled away.
Aziraphale took a long sip of wine. "You don't have to dance with me if you don't want to."
Crowley shrugged. "Nah. It'll be fun. Besides, I wanna see Jamie squirm."
"You're awful."
Crowley shrugged. "He probably won't show up anyway. If he does, I'll pretend I'm your boyfriend again."
"You don't have to do that either," Aziraphale said, staring into his glass.
"I don't mind."
"I suppose if Jamie's there then we don't have much of a choice. Oh, I've got us into quite the pickle."
"This is all Jamie's doing, not yours. Don't worry about it. Everything's gonna be fine."
The starter arrived, and Aziraphale seemed to cheer up as he tucked in.
"You're really coming dancing with me," Aziraphale said with a happy sigh. "I never thought this day would come!"
"Neither did I."
"I think you'll really enjoy it," Aziraphale said excitedly as he made light work of the prawns. "Would you prefer to lead or follow?"
"Huh? Oh, I don't know. Which is easier? What would you prefer to do?"
"I think following might be easier for you as a beginner. And I slightly prefer leading."
"Okay then, I'll follow," Crowley said as he stabbed at a wafer thin slice of salmon with his fork.
"I'll give Susan – the instructor - a call tomorrow morning and book you in for next week. Oh, I can't wait!" Aziraphale wiggled happily in his seat.
Crowley smiled but his stomach was in knots. This was beginning to feel real now, the full extent of what he'd agreed to do finally sinking in. He was going to have to dance in front of people while sober and he was going to be shit at it. He really hoped Jamie wasn't going to be there, the last thing he wanted was to make a fool of himself in front of that arsehole.
Still, Aziraphale was excited, and if doing this would make him happy then maybe it would all be worth it in the end.
Crowley sent another YouTube video to the wide-screen television on his living room wall.
The second he'd returned home from dinner with Aziraphale he'd started researching how to dance the Waltz. He'd watched video after video, copying the steps being performed on the screen.
Crowley stepped backwards, sideways, forwards, and then sideways again, following the instructions on screen. The box step was, more or less, just walking in a square over and over again. The steps were surprisingly easy - only slightly more complicated than walking, and he'd mastered that millennia ago. Not even some backward steps could throw him off. If he'd known dancing was this simple, he'd have danced with Aziraphale a long time ago.
Perhaps dancing wasn't going to be as terrible as he'd thought.
The following Thursday Jamie arrived to dance class with a male friend in tow. They looked to be about the same age as each other and were holding hands as they walked in. They stood together in a corner by themselves, chatting and laughing while they waited for class to begin.
"Oh, thank goodness Jamie has found someone else," Aziraphale said quietly, relief in his voice.
Crowley didn't feel quite so confident. "I think he's trying to make you jealous."
"Oh, don't be silly."
"He keeps looking over here to see if you're watching him."
Aziraphale's face fell. "Perhaps he's just feeling a little embarrassed after his outburst in the restaurant and wants to apologise?"
Crowley highly doubted it.
Two other dancers came over to say hello to them, and Aziraphale smiled brightly.
"Hello, you two! This is my friend, Crowley. The one who owns the Bentley. Crowley, this is Teresa and Thomas."
Soon, Crowley found himself lost in conversation about vintage cars. If the couple were curious about why Aziraphale and Jamie had both found new partners, they were too polite to ask.
Something by Brahms started to play, and Crowley immediately started tapping his foot on the floor. But his feet were soon going to have to do much more than just that.
Crowley stepped on Aziraphale's foot yet again. "Sorry!"
"It's alright," said Aziraphale, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "You're getting the hang of it. Just try to relax and enjoy yourself."
"I am trying!" Crowley hissed between his teeth, adjusting his hand where he was clinging to Aziraphale's shoulder.
Crowley felt like an idiot for believing that practicing to YouTube videos would make him even half-way decent at this. He was struggling to keep in time with Aziraphale, he kept forgetting his steps, and the instructor had been forced to help him several times already. Apparently, his elbow should be up at shoulder height or something but that seemed like the least of his problems.
Crowley was making them both look like fools, and yet, despite his clumsiness, Aziraphale seemed to be enjoying himself. He hadn't stopped smiling, and that smile was the only thing that was keeping Crowley from giving up entirely.
"One, two, three. One, two, three…" Aziraphale said cheerfully. "That's it."
Aziraphale started humming along to the music, a look of contentment on his face.
Their bodies were so close, and Crowley found himself watching Aziraphale's mouth, heart racing.
He hadn't accounted for how intimate this would be. They were face-to-face and holding hands. Aziraphale's other hand was on his back while Crowley's lay on his shoulder. The proximity was too much. Crowley knew that he was blushing, and he hoped that Aziraphale would just put it down to the exertion or his embarrassment. He could feel his body reacting already, heat spreading between his legs. At least he'd had the foresight to wear female genitalia today, the last thing he wanted was to pop a boner in the middle of dance class.
Crowley accidently kicked Aziraphale in the shin.
"I'm sorry!" Crowley gasped.
Aziraphale chuckled, completely unfazed. "Not to worry, my dear."
Crowley stared at the floor, trying desperately to concentrate on his footwork.
"We can stop if you're not enjoying this," Aziraphale said. "I don't mind."
"No. It's fine." Crowley wasn't going to force Aziraphale to stop dancing, not when he was clearly enjoying it so much, and he wasn't going to let this stupid dance get the better of him either. "I think I'm starting to get the hang of it," Crowley said, trying to sound relaxed.
At the beginning of the lesson, they'd danced next to Teresa and Thomas who had not only been spinning in circles while doing these steps, but were now dancing merrily around the room while doing them as well. It made Crowley feel pathetic. An old lady and her husband swept past them elegantly, and Crowley wanted the ground to swallow him up. Just when he thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, Jamie and his new partner came towards them, doing various twirls and spins, laughing with delight. Crowley caught a glimpse of Jamie in the floor to ceiling mirror along the wall, and saw the smirk directed right at him and Aziraphale.
Crowley forgot the next step and almost tripped over his own feet. He was only kept upright by Aziraphale holding onto him.
"Oops," said Aziraphale good-naturedly. "I've got you."
Jamie laughed. "I bet you wish you were dancing with me, Azi!"
Aziraphale ignored him, instead focusing on getting back into position, pulling Crowley in close.
"I said: I bet you wish you were dancing with me!" Jamie shouted.
Aziraphale gave Jamie a withering look. "I heard you the first time," he said primly. "Now bugger off."
Crowley snorted with laughter. Hearing Aziraphale use foul language was always a delight.
Aziraphale returned his attention to Crowley, and moved in close to his ear. "You were right. He is jealous," he muttered under his breath.
"I told you, angel."
Aziraphale straightened up, and they started to dance. "One, two, three," he sang. "One, two, three…"
When Crowley glanced in the mirror again, he saw Jamie's partner trying to steer them away, but Jamie didn't seem to appreciate his efforts.
"No!" Jamie hissed under his breath. "I'm leading!"
Crowley and Aziraphale exchanged raised eyebrows and then focused their attention back on their own dancing.
Jamie made a loud, frustrated sound. "Where are you going?" he shouted angrily. "Peter!"
Jamie was standing with his hands on his hips, watching Peter march off towards the cloakroom. Several of the other dancers had stopped to stare.
"Hey! Don't ignore me!" Jamie called after him. "Come back here!"
"I'm going home!" Peter shouted from the cloakroom while putting on his coat.
Jamie stormed into the cloakroom. Even from a distance, snippets of their conversation could be heard. "You can't go home! I drove you here!"
"I'm gonna get a taxi," Peter snapped. "You've been going on about that poor librarian all night and I'm sick of it! Dominic said you're a dick, and I should have listened to him. This is literally the worst date I've ever been on!"
"Dom' said that? But he said we were cool! Look. Don't worry. I'll drive you home. I'm gonna have to leave now anyway."
"I'm not getting into a car with you."
"What? Why?"
Peter ignored him and went to the door.
"C'mon, man, don't be like that."
There came the sound of the front door opening and closing and then there was silence. The instructor marched urgently after them.
"Oh dear," said Aziraphale. "I do hope Jamie doesn't try to follow the poor fellow to the taxi rank. I'll make sure everything's okay - with a miracle if needs be."
Aziraphale hurried towards the door while Crowley stayed put and let out a sigh.
"What was all that about?" a woman's voice said from beside him.
Crowley turned and saw that Teresa and Thomas had joined him.
Crowley shrugged. "Jamie's a douche," he explained.
Teresa let out a laugh. "Yes. I've been thinking that too actually. Did Aziraphale and Jamie fall out?"
"Yep. Jamie tried it on and Aziraphale said no, so now Jamie's being a dick about it."
"Ah. So that's what happened. I figured Jamie had a thing for Aziraphale. He's always flirting with him, but I don't think Aziraphale ever realised."
Crowley let out a humourless laugh. "Yeah, Aziraphale didn't realise until Jamie tried to stick his tongue down his throat last week."
"What!"
Aziraphale and the dancing instructor came back into the room, and Aziraphale rushed over to Crowley.
"Susan has handled it," said Aziraphale. "I kept out of the way - I'm sure my getting involved would have only made things worse. Susan had to stop Jamie from following that poor fellow to the taxi rank. Jamie was awfully rude to her so she told him he's no longer welcome at dance class. He was just getting into his car when we came back in."
Teresa stared wide eyed at Aziraphale. "And Jamie tried to kiss you last week?"
Aziraphale glared at Crowley.
Crowley shrugged. "What? You know I'm a gossip."
Aziraphale sighed and then turned towards Teresa. "Last week, while we were learning how to dip… he kissed me. Quite a shock. I struggled and that was why he accidently dropped me."
"That was why you fell over?! Oh my God. I'm so sorry, Aziraphale. I'm glad he's not coming back."
"So am I," said Aziraphale.
Once everyone started dancing again, Aziraphale leant in close to Crowley and lowered his voice. "I didn't have to use any miracles in the end, thank goodness." He let out a sigh. "Perhaps I ought to have booked us in for a different day, and then all of this could have been avoided. I should have known after Jamie's display in the restaurant that trouble was inevitable."
"Nah. You shouldn't have to change your plans just coz of that bastard. Besides, It's good that his friend saw his true colours."
"I suppose. I just feel terrible for the innocent bystanders."
"He knows he's not welcome here anymore. I'm sure we won't have to worry about him ever again."
"I hope you're right."
They carried on dancing, and Crowley found it much easier now that he knew Jamie wasn't watching him. He was just starting to enjoy himself when the lesson came to an end and the music along with it.
Susan gathered them all together for a quick chat, during which she confirmed that Jamie would no longer be coming to classes, and then everyone started filtering out into the cloakroom.
Aziraphale wanted to have a quick word with the instructor, so Crowley decided to go outside and bring the car around for him. He grabbed his coat from the cloakroom, threw it on, and then sauntered towards the door.
His way was blocked by an old lady.
"Hallo, dear! I'm Mavis. I used to dance with Aziraphale. Did I say that right? Such a funny name. Oh, but he's a lovely fellow. Such a gentleman."
"I- Er. Yes. He certainly is. Hi."
"You're such a handsome young man!"
Crowley smiled faintly.
"You'd look far more handsome without those sunglasses on…"
"I have very sensitive eyes," Crowley said, pushing them up his nose pointedly.
"What's your name, dear?"
"Crowley."
"Are you keeping your Christian name a secret?" Mavis asked with a smile.
"My first name is Anthony."
"Oh, that's a lovely name!"
"Thanks," said Crowley with a genuine smile. He had chosen the name himself after all.
"Oh! My taxi is here. It's been a delight talking to you, Anthony. Shall I see you next week?"
"You certainly will. It's been a pleasure to meet you."
"You too! Say goodbye to Aziraphale for me. He's still talking Susan's ear off, I see."
Crowley laughed. "I will. Ciao."
Crowley held the door open for her and then he stepped outside himself. Aziraphale was still chatting away to the instructor but everyone else had already left.