Prompt: Wheatley/80´s music

"Essentially Chell is doing her thing, solving puzzles, portalin' around everywhere when Wheatley discovers 80's music.
I think Wheatley would love 80's music".

Rating: T

Genre: Friendship/Humor

I do not intend to take ownership of anything more than the story presented here. Portal belongs to Valve

Enjoy

Jam Session

"Oh no" The potato at the end of the gun sighed exacerbated "He´s playing classical music"

The girl sharpened her earing in hopes of catching the tune. While she went up the stairs leading to the entrance of the test chamber, she disappointingly realized that the growl of clashing metal was blocking the musical instruments, she could only make the faintest clatter of notes amidst the sound of the door sliding open.

She frowned. She could use some music right now.

She found it strange that she wasn't greeted immediately by Wheatley. Considering the state he was in, she theorized he would try to do everything he could from the moment she stepped into his tests to coax her to solve them faster. The sound of plastic shuffling against itself replaced the voice and she could see through the screen (kind of hard to miss, being giant and all) that he was fidgeting with something.

"Oh, sorry sorry sorry, hope that- hope that didn't disturb you too much there" He apologized, looking up from whatever he had been occupied with "It was the sound of discs, casings moving around. I was trying to get some music out here, you know, light the mood a bit; I thought this damned itch could use a bit of music therapy, might help, yeah?"

He giggled quietly at his own joke, but the way it died in his voice and how he was still shuffling the discs with his half-serious expression told her that he was positively inclined to try the idea out.

She stepped to the start of the test, where an aerial faith plate awaited at her feet while a blue excursion funnel flowed above her. Positioning herself to fire a portal into the nearest white panel, she began to solve the puzzle.

"What do you listen to when you are stressed?"

The question took her by surprise, and she looked at the screen with a confused expression on her face.

"I-I mean, you probably don't have the opportunity to do that while you are testing" he laughed again and started to explain. "I know you can´t take the radios out of the Relaxation Vault, last time I checked anyway".

He took some other discs from a corner the camera couldn't reach and started to move them away as if he was looking for something.

"But I´m sure you have listened to music before, you must have. So, um, before here" He paused to look at her directly. "Anything in particular? A band or singer? I have a lot of music files lying around, they even have them in physical copies, as you can see" He displayed the CDs and casings he had opened before, some of them already had suffered the consequences of the man's poor treatment of electronics, if the scratches in the covers were anything to go by.

She stared at him. The fact that he was alternating between passive-aggressive chattering and a real friendly talk was something so him that she tried to answer, putting her indignation and rage aside, even if just to have a bit of her former friend back. She tried to think about a genre of music, a singer or a band but knew that she probably hadn't listened to anything more than that tropical song from the radio´s in decades, probably millennia. She did remember feeling revitalized when listening to something enjoyable, but the exact melodies were frustratingly buried, just in the tip of her tongue. She couldn't carry a tune even if her life depended on it.

She shuddered, telling him with her shoulders that she honestly didn't know.

"You don't remember? Bollocks, that's not good. I´m only asking because I don't remember either, wish I could, of course. If I have to listen to this godforsaken playlist one more time- "

"You don't like classical music?" The potato questioned, and the girl wondered if the assortment of songs he was listening to had been picked by her personally before he had taken control of her office "Studies have shown that audiences with vast intellect enjoy listening to the classics. For people of your caliber, in the other hand, I may suggest-"

"Nonono, it's not about that" Wheatley quickly defended himself, trying to desperately impress his own prisoners with his refined taste in music. "Classical music is good and all, the violins, the trombones, the drums and-and the guitars-"

"Now that's strange," Replied the tuber in an imitation of genuine intrigue "classical music usually doesn't use guitars as part of their setups".

"It doesn't?" He asked her but corrected himself "W-well of course it usually doesn't, I wouldn't be listening to the same thing as commoners and amateurs, I am connoisseur! A music taster! A bloody expert!" He dropped the discs unceremoniously at the middle of his explanation.

"I´m sure you have never even imagined what my ears are already accustomed to, in fact, I´m bored of classical music! That's right, that's why I am asking for suggestions, I am bored out of my mind of the most exquisite tunes this recorder has to offer, I have listened to them 1000 times already! Amadeus? Out of date. Johann? Know him from middle school, never liked him. Beethoven? You really are trying to convince me that a guy that couldn't even hear his own footsteps is the greatest composer of all time? C´mon, it´s a hoax! And I figured it out!"

He adjusted his glasses and flattened his uniform when he realized that his point was made, and the girl asked herself if it could have been out of shame when he realized that he always increased the volume when blowing his own trumpet.

"I march to the beat of my own drum now" He picked the discs again and blew some dust off them. "So, I decided to explore other musical genres. Unfortunately, there are a least billions of songs scattered around the files and this drawer is not looking better organized either" he stared angrily at the cases in his hands. "Even if they were organized, I can't seem to pick just one of them…"

He gazed at the girl again, this time his face lit up and he snapped his fingers; ideas always came to him with bells on.

"You know what? I have an idea. As you can see, there are three discs here" He showed his assortment through the screen, two of the participants were still wearing their plastic cases, the middle one was left embarrassingly nude, even with its adorned surface covered in red and green patterns.

"Just now, I´m sure you noticed, I was separating the electronic and not-so electronic files. They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover and all that jazz but I´m pretty sure CD´s don't apply to that rule. So! Since I don't have a clue about what they might have inside, I just picked the most interesting ones. Right here we have…"

He stopped to read the labels in their fronts: "Something about a soldier…a Heart´s Club? It´s kind of hard to read, I´m sure there is something in the back...Aha! It´s by the Beatles! I knew the cover ringed a bell! This one is lovely though, even if you don't take Lennon´s voice into account. Lots of color and flowers…"

She stared at the picture. Even though none of the faces showed were familiar, she was sure she had heard about "The Beatles", whoever they were, before.

"In a close second, we have Brothers in Arms! Don't worry about not recognizing the titles, I myself don't know much about these guys either" He said when she frowned at the name "Just look at the cover here, like it? I like the guitar, personally, with my knowledge of all the instruments, I´m already familiarized with them" he said smugly, his gaze directed to the brown lump at the end of her weapon.

"Aaand here we have…Oh- It must be here somewhere" He tried to search for the casing of the 3rd one, but after a minute or so of muttering under his breath he gave up and just showed her the disc as it was.

"S-sorry about that, hehe, I think I forgot how to get them out for a second there. Won't happen again. I was just playing by ear until I remembered how to get them out. Happens to the best of us"

"This one has pretty patterns, doesn't it? I liked the ribbons, gives me kind of a Christmas vibe- Oh, I remember now! It's in the Holiday section, here, right here!"

Once he had his 3 options in his hands again, this time with the casings, he exposed them to the screen again.

"I have like one thousand of them, picked the best covers all by myself, we just have to decide who is going first. So, all you have to do is choose one of every set and then we´ll see what works best! Maybe you and I will remember what kind of music we liked back in the day; we can create our own playlist! So, who is it going to be?"

Once again, she looked at him skeptically. She moved the potato a bit, hoping to get her attention.

"If he wants to spend time browsing through humanity´s last 200 years of music history, that's fine by me" The potato whispered in response "Better to keep him happy and unaware that he is leading us right where we want him to. I´m sure there is a recording hidden between the disco era, it's special, the scientists were pleading for their lives in that one. If you find it, make sure he hears the whole thing, so he knows what I have prepared"

With that grim remark, She felt silent, the amber optic indicating that she once again was shutting off in hopes to save energy for when she needed it.

The girl sighed and went on with the task at hand. She picked the first one, the one with the flowers. Wheatley was happy about this, it seemed like he had decided ahead of her and just waited for her thumbs up. She rolled her eyes. If he was so in charge as he said, why did he need her to jazz his playlist up?

The procedure went as expected, she had decided to sit down in front of the panel while they made the decision. Somewhere between the 4th and 5th round, he had started to pick covers himself, arguing that "this color is prettier" and "I think I know this fella!". She just enjoyed his chattering, if she ignored the fact that it was a screen instead of him, she could almost pretend that they had stumbled the drawer full of discs in one of the offices near the Neurotoxin Section and they had decided to catch a break while picking some tunes.

"Well, that was the last one. I think it's time to put our beloved subjects into action. I just saw a cassette reading-thingy next to the stereo here, I still can't find the tapes, but we can try them out when this bach is done. Now, onto the testing!"

She stood up then, a bit of trill in her lower belly refilling her with energy. She hadn't listened to something other than pipes clashing and redirection funnels in ages, she was excited about finally hearing the music her fellow humans had created all that time ago.

"Noup, don't recognize that one" Had he started to play the records yet? She still couldn't hear clearly above the white noise. "Let's try another one, not a problem, as I stated earlier".

She tried her best to hear, but she soon discovered that the audio channel connecting his speaker to the chamber was not plugged along with whatever device he was using to listen to the CDs. He probably didn't even know where to plug in an audio jack.

"Hmm, I think I have heard that one, have you heard that one? Something familiar?" She stared frustrated at the screen, then tapped her ear.

"Wait- you can't hear anything? I heard the funnels could potentially drill holes in test subject's eardrums-" She shook her head. She wasn't deaf!

She threw her arms at her sides and then pointed to one of the speakers hidden between twigs and birds' nests.

"Oh! Of course, the audio channel, it's not plugged in! Don't worry, just need a bit of fine-tuning to get it working, hasn't been used in a while. I´m sure she never tried this type of positive enforcement with you, did she? Nah, she just has this elevator music running 24/7, bet you are glad I´m calling the tune now, no more boring classics!"

Static buzzed from the ceiling, confirming that her previous assumptions about the audio jack were partially invalid. As the music came to life, a part of her that had been asleep suddenly woke up. The rhythm set by the cord, the soft company of the tambourine that elevated as the main guitar joined the show. This was music! There was something else, not as discernible as the drum, but just as important, giving the song another layer of complexity!

She knew this! There is a name for it, it´s-!

"Ah, it looks like we enter the experimental section" Wheatley cut off the music just as the singer had begun, irritating the girl for interrupting her moment with the newly found preference in music. "I think I´m not a fan. I mean, it's good, but I don't remember having a particular taste for it".

He switched the cases and put on another one, ignoring her irate scowl and her crossed arms.

"Hmm, this is the one with the familiar guys on the cover, the black and white one" He pulled the cover from the record, it was different from the others. Now that a bit of her memory was fresh from the music stimulation, she could finally give a name to those bulky and black disks with the cardboard covers. As he studied the Vinyl curiously, he seemed to notice that the device currently being used for his enjoyment wasn't compatible with this particular piece of technology.

"Wait a sec, I thought I saw one of those um- Turntables? I think that´s how it's called? when I got here. Don't start testing! I need to figure this one out"

He disappeared from the screen entirely, and in his place, a sound of rummaging took hold of the newly repaired speakers. Without appearing on the screen again, something close to a zip of electricity, probably from the needle of the turntable, indicated that the procedure had been a success.

Something drastically different from the drums and the guitars awaited them, and both wondered at the sound of the not easily discernible instruments working with each other in a woven symphony of new music. A set of drums, this one softer in design than the previous song, incorporated themselves at the pace the synthesizer was marking, and the former started to incorporate itself in a matching melody to accentuate the slow rhythm.

"Welcome to your life…"

Her ears marveled at the sound of someone singing. Not even the radios had displayed more than instrumental music, and a bolt of happiness surged through her at finally hearing a human voice apart from Wheatley. Speaking of which, he was just as genuinely enjoying the music as her, maybe even more. At the first notes he had peaked his head through the camera, and now was seated again, smiling as the singer continued to recite.

"Even while we sleep,

We will find you"

"That's nice, isn't it? I think I found something of my standards" he said, clearly pleased.

"Why don't you start testing now? Saw you bobbling your head down there, some positive enforcement, you clearly are enjoying it. These guys… "Tears for Fears"? Somewhat of an artistic name, huh? Who would call themselves that? Whatever, point is, I think I know them! Let's get this test going while I lift up the dust from the good old noggin, shall we?"

Now that was more like it. If he started to smoothly request for the test to be solved while he played nice music in the background, maybe she would stop giving him the finger and happily solve what he wanted. She wondered if at some point he would use food as bribery, she was hungry since she left Old Aperture and its delicious millennia-old astronaut food packets. Maybe later, she thought with a smile on her face.

As she redirected the blue light cylinder so that part of it was in front of her and positioned herself, the song went on.

"Everybody wants to rule the world"

A bolt of electricity spiked in her lower belly as she surged through the air, approximating to the funnel until she gracefully stopped and floated in the blue glow. With the altitude the funnel offered, she could see his whole screen now, the speakers now closer to her than before gave her the chance to experience a little bit of what being in his sound cabin must sound like.

"It´s my own design

It´s my own remorse"

He had his eyes closed, completely lost in the cocoon the music had created around the chamber as if the oh so terrible itch was also enjoying it. She even caught him moving his mouth in time with the song, beginning to form the overall initiation of the verse and failing to catch up with the middle parts, leaving him just barely phrasing the words on his lips by the end of them. He was right, he remembered some of the tracks, just as she had recognized the beginning of that experimental song!

"Most of freedom and of pleasure

Nothing ever lasts forever"

When a white panel came into view, she readjusted her aiming and shoot a blue portal into its inclined surface. The slight muffling effect that the excursion funnel projected into her ears disappeared, she was suddenly falling straight to the orange portal she had placed earlier, and she resurfaced with the built-up speed that the fall had offered.

"Everybody wants to rule the world"

Her long fall boots absorbed the impact, clacking softly below her. Gracefully, she had reached the other end of the chamber, where a button atop a pedestal awaited to fulfill its purpose. Glancing around, she took stock of the tubes that served as a means of transport for the cubes, following their snake-like path to the head start of the test. Well, she would just have to repeat the process again and give the cube a ride.

"There is a room where the light won´t find you

Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down"

Something inside her fluttered with excitement at the change of rhythm the song was taking. The singer and the guitar took more participation as the verse went on, the rift of the cords followed by the drum cymbals was just doing things to her, filling her with energy. As she aimed at the ceiling, the pop followed by a blue ring and funnel, she realized she wasn't the only one.

"…So sad they had to fade it

A whisper, no more audible than the vocals themselves.

Everybody wants to rule the world"

Was he singing...?

His raspy, out-of-tune voice broke the harmony of the song, but she could not get angry. She found his attempt at singing endearing, a bit of his old self getting lost in the music and lyrics. She pushed the button, and while waiting for the cube to arrive, she tried to at least mimic the form of the words with her lips, the best imitation of singing possible.

"Say that you'll never, never, never, never need it

One headline, why believe it?"

Replace the portal. Watch the cube dance in the excursion funnel. Fire to the white plate. Momentum keeps the thing in the air as it lands almost perfectly in the big red button. Analyze it. Still find them ugly.

She adjusted her earing, in search of his unexperienced song. It seemed like he had given up on that one, now just humming the tune behind closed lips, but letting the sound surround him still.

"All for freedom and for pleasure

Nothing ever lasts forever"

Everybody wants to rule the world

She smacked the Franken-Turret in the button as she mouthed the words sadly, for she knew what was coming.

"Aw, what? What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!"

It seemed that with the end of the song, the end of her silly fantasy too came to a close.

As she exited the chamber, the potato decided to ignore the whole musical ordeal in favor of explaining something about "solution euphoria" and how it was linked to all the range of emotions the man had displayed in such an explicit manner.

She sighed at the thought of eventually having to confront him, his delirious episodes seemed to only get worse with time, and she knew he wouldn't let her go, much less in one piece.

Exasperated, Chell stepped into the elevator. Eventually, she would have to face the music.

A/N: Welcome to the first chapter of what will (hopefully) be a long collection of stand-alone chapters inspired by prompts from the Kink Meme. As you can see, I will leave the original prompt above so you can decide whether you want to read it or not, along with ratings, because I don't want to be kicked out of here for not warning my viewers of the journey ahead of them.

I used "Everybody wants to rule the world" because it's my favorite 80´s song, but I in no way intend to take ownership of it. It's just the characters listening to the sweet voice of Curt Smith and reminiscing a bit.

Ah, I have wanted to write this for so long now, you have no idea. I was a bit nervous about the end result, but I have re-read and re-edited this guy 3 times now, so I think it´s good to go; I´m still not 100% happy with it, I may come back to edit later. There is a certain use of "musical related expressions" used in this chapter, let me know if I used them correctly or just butchered the language, advice would be greatly appreciated