"Hey, do the Epic Sax Song. You know that one? Hey, do the Epic Sax Guy."
Akihiko grunt in his sleep, stretched a bit, pulled his coat a little tighter. It wasn't a great time of year to be sleeping in the streets of San Francisco. Of course, to imply there was ever a GOOD time for it would be naïve. But as far as places he had taken a nap, this was particularly unpleasant.
"Hey, Epic Sax Guy! Come on!"
"Nah, nah! Make him do that one from GTA!"
"Hey idiot, wake up!"
It took a sharp kick to the thigh for Akihiko's eyes to finally open. As soon as they did, they were fixed on the kids in front of him; college students, it looked like, one of which had their phone out and pointed at Akihiko's face. The other held a cup in their hand- and both wore smirks on their faces. He stared at the two, silent, before his eyes shut again.
"Hey! Get UP, asshole!"
Another kick. Akihiko sighed, sat up. He rubbed his eyes, took a moment to adjust.
With a yawn, he mustered the words. "Gentlemen. Can I help you?"
The boy with the camera gave a jerk of his thumb directly to the side of Akihiko. There, lay his saxophone case, opened to display the instrument, a few dollars and coins tossed in. On top of the sax itself was a small index card; "Will play for food or money."
"Musician, aren't you? Play us a song."
Akihiko shook his head. "Nope. I'm on break. Sorry."
He tried to go back to bed- but the two wouldn't let him.
"BREAK? What do you mean, you're on a break? You bums are always on breaks," the one with the phone said, giving him another light kick to the shin.
"...stop that," Akihiko said simply.
"Or what?" the second boy challenged.
Akihiko looked up at them, eyes narrowed dangerously. "Or I'm going to get really pissed off."
The two exchanged glances. Akihiko realized they were sizing him up- trying to decide, quietly, if they could take him in a fight. Probably they could. There were two of them, after all, same age as Akihiko himself- and far more healthy. But what they couldn't take was the attention. Too many people around in broad daylight. Wouldn't be a good look for some college kids to beat up a poor homeless boy, now would it?
"Whatever. You probably can't even play that thing," the first said, lowering his phone.
"Hey, loser. Why don't you buy some lunch?" the second asked. Without another word, he thrust his cup forward- change of all shapes and sizes pelting Akihiko in the face, raining down on him. "Want my advice? Go eat shit!"
Akihiko closed his eyes, wincing a little. He heard the kids turn and run off before he saw it. Sure enough, in the time it took him to open his eyes, they were already gone. He took a look at the change on the ground around him; quarters, lots of them. A more prideful man might not scoop change off the street. Akihiko didn't have a lot of pride even before becoming homeless.
On hand and knee, he began to scoop up the change, dropping it into his instrument case. He was about to turn back to his task, when he saw a piece of paper someone had dropped on to his saxophone; a flier. Curiously, he took it in hand, squinting to read it.
"Total Drama Returns: Apply now!"
~o.0.o~
"-hiko? Excuse me, Mister Akihiko?" a female voice asked.
Akihiko sighed. They were serving his favorite broccoli and cheddar at the soup kitchen. It had been a good dream- but now it was time to wake up, the warmth and chatter that had surrounded him being replaced by the cold air of the ship. Sitting up, Akihiko stretched his arms out, blinking dumbly as he looked around. Helena stood in front of him, giving a soft, almost nervous smile.
"Um... you told me to wake you. When we got to the island," she said, meekly.
Island... island. Right, the island.
Akihiko yawned. "Cool. Cool, thanks," he said casually, popping his neck. Helena gave a quick nod- before turning, and scurrying up the stairs on to the deck.
"Hope you're not planning on sleeping the WHOLE time," David remarked as he passed by, flashing Akihiko a grin. "Fame, fortune, and adventure await us! Most of us, anyway. Some."
Akihiko stood, grabbing his saxophone case. "Jury is still out on adventure- but fame and fortune are overrated. Trust me on that one, pal."
~o.0.o~
So this is it, Gwen thought as she watched the island come into view. Looks bigger than Wawanakwa.
Chelee Island was a rather rocky, uncomfortable looking affair. It was bleak. Wawanakwa, at least, would make for a rather good summer resort if it weren't run by sociopaths. If anyone on vacation happened to sail toward Chelee, likely they'd turn right around and sail back to the mainland. At the moment, Gwen felt like sailing away too. She had been so sure of her victory in the days leading up to her departure. Yet, now, the threat of losing seemed very real to her. Going home empty handed to her son, and having to face her mother and admit she had been right all along.
Gwen closed her eyes, sighed, let the cold mist hit her face. It felt nice, and for a moment, she could relax. Until she heard a familiar voice.
"Gwen? I knew that was you!"
To her credit, she didn't groan. Not audibly, anyway. She already knew who it was before she'd turned around.
"Cody. Nice to see you," she said, giving a small, prim smile.
Cody grinned widely. He'd gotten a bit taller since last they met- a smidge, really. But other than that, he was largely the same, including the same, dopey babyface that stared adoringly at her.
"Man, am I glad to see you! You should come below deck, everyone's down there! Well, not everyone, but, Geoff, Bridgette, Lindsay, LeShawna-"
"Thanks Cody. That sounds great," Gwen said, more than a bit dismissive. She turned back around, staring at the island. "I'll be down there in a second."
"Oh, alright! I'll be waiting!" Cody stared at her. Gwen stared at the ocean. It would have been an awkward silence, if Gwen had acknowledged it. Cody remained there for a while, just watching her, a smile on his face... one which slowly faded as he slid his left hand into his pocket. His ring was beginning to feel a bit heavy, he thought, as he turned and headed back below deck.
~o.0.o~
"This. Is. Perfect."
Chris rolled his eyes at the little ball of energy that was standing next to him.
"Perfect! Oh man, oh man, I can't believe this! And I'm standing next to Chris McLEAN!"
Chris sighed. Normally, he loved receiving admiration from his fans. His ego thrived on it. But receiving it from this fan had grown particularly tiresome... especially when they were going to be co-hosts.
"You've been saying that for like, an hour, dude." Chris grunt, looking over at his coworker. "Zip it! Save your energy for the contestants, or... whatever!"
"Okay, okay! I will, I just... sorry, sorry! I'm so excited!" Joey exclaimed, leaping into the air.
As far as leading men went? Joey wasn't one. As far as celebrities went? Joey wasn't one. As far as obnoxious fanboys went... well, that was the right ballpark, at least. The cast of Total Drama were older. The veterans were nearly thirty, and the newcomers were early twenties. So how did Joey, just turned nineteen, end up as host, Chris had to wonder? Co-host, of course.
Joey was short, and round, with lots of freckles and lots of messy red hair. He wore a red suit that seemed just a bit too small, with rosy angel cheeks and crystal blue eyes filled with wonder and innocence. It made Chris sick. Chris hated Joey, and it was something he had decided within about five minutes of meeting him. It wasn't hard, especially when he was fairly certain Joey was only in his position because his father was some TV higher-up. But then, he was fairly certain Joey played a huge part in Total Drama coming back, anyway... so perhaps it was to be treated as a net zero.
"God, it's freezing. Will somebody get me my coffee?" Chris barked, before sighing as an intern quickly pushed a mug into his hand. "Thank you."
Chris looked around at the island. He had to admit... it was an improvement. The coarse sand on the coastline was littered with rocks and shells- the landscape was dense with coniferous trees, getting rockier as you went further in- with a small mountain range in the center. You could sum it up in one word as "grey". Not necessarily in color; but the general feeling. Mist was already beginning to fall from the sky. Not heavy enough to be rain, not light enough to be able to be ignored. It was in the fall, now, and Chris knew that mist would be snow in a few weeks.
Yet, it was better than Wawankwa, as far as Chris was concerned. Why?
A smile came to the host's lips as he sipped his coffee. "They're gonna be so miserable," he snickered to himself, watching as the boats grew closer.
"What's that?" Joey asked, turning to Chris eagerly. The young boy was like a puppy, hanging on every word Chris said desperately.
"Wh- nothing, shut up!" Chris grunt. "Just go stand over there!"
"Oh, for the shot! Right! You got it!" Joey complied, waddling across the beach, standing closer to the dock. "Is here good?!" He called out.
Chris gave a wave. "Yuuuuup." Again, he slowly sipped his coffee. Still. It was good to be back on TV.
It felt like an eternity for Joey, until Chris joined him again. By now, the boats had practically pulled up to the docks already- though the docks themselves looked about ready to collapse.
"Okay kid. You ready?" Chris asked, calmly and casually letting his empty coffee mug drop from his hand to the sand- and intern ducking in, retrieving it, and hurrying off. "We're almost rolling, so don't mess this up!"
"I was born ready Chri-"
"Yeah yeah, shut up." Chris raised a hand, held it in Joey's face. "Just let me do the talking."
Chris glanced to the camera man. The man held up three fingers.
Three fingers- two fingers, one... rolling.
Chris grinned- springing into action like there had never been a break.
"Yo!" Rang out the familiar greeting. "It's been a while- and all I've been hearing is, 'where's Total Drama'? 'Where's our campers'? 'Where's Chris McLean'? Well, let me answer all those questions for you now; here, here, and HERE! Welcome, to Total Drama Redemption! Last time you saw us, we were in the middle of a volcanic eruption in Hawaii, which, while totally cool, the lawsuits ended up tanking the studio. But you can't keep a good thing down, baby! We're back- and so are thirteen of our best veteran contestants, going up against thirteen newcomers! Here at Camp Chelee, Hell is gonna freeze over! That's right! It's me, Chris McLean, and-"
"Joey, I'm Joey! Very Joey!" Joey leapt in front of Christ- would have blocked him from view, if it wasn't for the difference in height. "Hey, hello! Um, hi! I'm Joey, and I'll be hosting, that is, to co-host, the act of hosting with another person, who's Chris, Chris McLean!"
"Shut up, Joey!" Chris groaned.
"Sorry!" Joey whimpered, before remembered his lines. "But, that's right, Chris! Twenty four- er, twenty six competitors will be battling for a million dollars here, in Camp Chelee! It won't be fun in the sun anymore, as contestants battle not just each other, but sub zero temperatures!"
"That's right! Cold hearts, cold weather, and cold, hard cash!" Chris grinned, wringing his hands together. "And what do we have here? Methinks our first boat has pulled up! Before we meet our new contestants, let's get reacquainted with some old friends! Right here, right now, on Total, Drama, Redemption!"
Joey beamed, bouncing a bit as he stared at the boat expectantly. "I can't wait to see who's first, Chris!"
"Shut up, Joey." Chris, of course, didn't have to see- the contestants names' being radioed to him in advance via earpiece. "It looks like we have our first camper already-"
"Beth! What's up?!" Joey asked excitedly as she made her way down the ramp.
"Chris! It's so good to see you again! Sort of," Beth said with a friendly wave. "You look... exactly the same!"
"Darn right I do," the host smirked. It was true; he looked exactly the same, down to the outfit, despite how old he must have been. In fact... it was almost suspicious. "And who's that next but our favorite goth girl Gwe- ehhhh, what happened to you?!"
Chris grimaced as Gwen made her way down. Black shirt, black pants, black boots, and black hair- the only other color was purple, being the heavy bags under her eyes.
"How do you look worse than before?" Chris mocked. "Oh, man! If you're this bad now, imagine what you'll look like a few challenges from now!"
"Gee, thanks," Gwen muttered, not really in the mood as she took her place next to Beth quietly.
"Oh, who's this?" Beth asked curiously as she noted Joey standing nearby, looking like he might explode.
"Hi!" Joey exclaimed in a way that sounded very much similar to air being let out of a balloon. "I'm Joey, I'm co-"
"Shut up, Joey!" Chris snapped, giving an annoyed shake of his head. "Can you two not encourage him to talk? Or do anything? Anyway. Next up, it looks like we have Geoff!"
When Geoff emerged down the ramp, though, Chris frowned in annoyance.
"I said, next we have Geoff! Who the heck is this guy?" the host squint, staring at the newcomer. "Geoff's the beefy dude in pink and a cowboy... wait a second, Geoff?!"
"Good to see you too, Chris!" Geoff took Chris' hand, shook it stiffly. "And nice to meet you, Joey, was it?"
"Geoff? Wow, this is awesome!" Joey beamed, shaking eagerly.
"Dude, what happened to you?!" Chris asked, stunned.
"Me? Oh, you mean this?" Geoff gave a flex of his arms, chuckled, and pat Chris on the back. "I've been on this new diet lately. You know, those kale protein shakes taste awful, but I feel as clean as a whistle! I'll get you the recipe, bud!"
Chris' eye twitched, stunned. "No, no! I mean the suit, the hair... who are you?!"
"...Geoff," Joey answered, a bit concerned. "Did you forget?"
"No, I mean I know who he is literally, I'm being... shut up Joey!" Chris waved him away. "Well, at least this next guest is pretty to look at! Lindsay's up next, and I... I don't know what I'm seeing, what is this?"
"Chris, oh em gee, it's so cool to see you again!" Lindsay gushed... before pushing a pair of turquoise earrings into his hand. "Here, I have the perfect gift for you, give that to your wife, or girlfriend, or boyfriend, unless you're still really lonely- or you can wear them yourself! Ohh, and I packed SO much more than that if you want to buy more, and-"
"What, did everybody go to business school after World Tour?!" Chris groaned. "If Heather comes down that dock wearing a suit too, I'm walking off!"
Heather, of course, did not come down wearing a suit. She did wear a rather annoyed looking scowl, though, nose wrinkling as she saw Chris.
"What's got your panties in a bunch?" she asked him. "I thought you'd be thrilled to get to torture us all again one more time."
"Great- figures the one contestant not to have some kind of big changes would be Heather," Chris said with a sigh. "Oh well- you were always good for ratings."
"I'll say! You were one of my favorites growing up!" Joey exclaimed. "Who doesn't love a cool, hot villain who... er, sorry!"
Heather and Chris both shot Joey a glare.
"I'm just gonna move on before you say anything else super creepy," Chris remark. "Up next, voted 'most likely to end up in jail' ten years in a row, welcome, Duncan!"
"Can it, McLean," Duncan said as he stepped off of the boat. "I'd hate for you to be the one I get sent back to the clink over."
"Ah, still don't like surprises, I see!" Chris looked Duncan over; secretly pleased that he hadn't changed much. Seeing Bridgette only pleased him more. "And there's surfer girl- still hanging ten, Bridgette?"
"More like hanging eight or nine these days," Bridgette said with a disinterested shrug. She looked over at the other contestants. For a moment, she and Geoff locked eyes. Geoff gave a small smile, one which Bridgette didn't return, instead heading to the opposite end of the line up.
Chris could feel himself relaxing; falling into the comforting pattern of sameness. The first few contestants had been a shock, sure. But it seemed like things were going back to normal, how he'd remembered it. Some people never grew up, after all.
"Next up, we have LeShawna and... sorry, what?" Chris paused. "...say that again? AND Alejandro?!"
Just like that, Chris was snapped out of that sameness.
"Hey y'all! LeShawna in the house!" rang out the familiar greeting- the woman stepping off the boat, arms linked with Alejandro, who looked... shameful. Noting this, she gave a tug of his cheek. "Well? Say hey, sug!"
"Ahh, hola! Good to see you all again!" Alejandro greet apprehensively. To his surprise, the only angry stare he really received was from Duncan and Bridgette. The rest seemed to be surprised or indifferent.
"How did that even happen?!" Chris asked, looking between the two incredulously.
"Seriously!" Joey agreed. "I had huge list of ships growing up, and even I never would have guessed this!"
"Ahh, it's a long story. Love finds a way, eh?" Alejandro chuckled. "Perhaps we shall tell you of it, some other time."
"I can't believe you people," Chris groaned. "Let's just get to... oh no."
"Yo yo yo- the Zeke is in the hizz-ouse!"
There was a lot of sighs, groans, and eyerolls as Zeke came into view. All three of those from Chris. Zeke picked up on them, but he didn't seem particularly bothered; in fact, he took it in stride, as if expecting them.
"Don't worry, guys! I know what you're thinking! Trust me! This Zeke is the best version of Zeke ever!" Ezekiel promised, a proud smile on his face. "No sayin' dumb stuff, no losin' challenges, no goin' all crazy and stealing money only to drop it into a volcano, eh!"
"Ezekiel. You're lucky I've had as long as I had to get over what you did to me," Heather hissed. "...actually, no. Still not over it!"
"Well, I think it's great! But, um. Weren't you some kind of... goblin thing before?" Beth asked, not wanting to offend.
"I got better!" Zeke beamed.
"...but-"
"I got better!" he said again- marching to the rest of the pack, and crossing his arms proudly.
"Okay, well, speaking of annoying- next up is Cody!" Chris announced, the familiar geek walking off the pier.
Cody grinned widely, arms swinging as he approached the contestants. "Hey, guys! Psyched to be back, man! It's been forever!"
"Cody! Total Drama's most improved- you were like, my favorite!" Joey exclaimed, bouncing up and down. "Kicked before the merge, then not even competing, then all the way to the finals in World Tour, dude, you're an underdog legend!"
"Hey, thanks, uh..." Cody paused... not sure who this kid was.
"Joey! Co-host! God I love saying that!" he beamed, rolling on the heels of his feet.
Before Chris had said anything, a familiar figure was already heading down the dock, Courtney smiling as she approached. "Hey, everyone! Been a while."
"Annnnd Courtney," Chris grunt. "Awesome. I assume you already have something to threaten a lawsuit against?"
"Nope. Just here to try and have fun!" she told him.
"Fun? Okay. Where's the real Courtney, where'd you hide the body?" Duncan sneered.
Unperturbed, she shook her head. "Oh, Duncan. Very funny. Nice to see you all again."
"Wow, Courtney! It's nice to see you too!" Beth greet, the two exchanging a hug. "It's so cool to see you all... uh... y'know!"
Courtney just nod. "I know."
Chris just shook his head. "Man, I cannot wait to wrap this up."
"I know! And get on with the fun, right?!" Joey asked.
"...yeah. That's why," Chris huff. "So, down to one last competitor! who's it gonna be, eh? Introducing... Justin!"
No one came down the dock. No one said anything. Chris stared, puzzled, before clearing his throat.
"I said Justin!... Justin!"
Joey stepped forward. "Oh, let me try- JUSTIN!"
Still nothing. With an impatient huff, Chris began to tap his foot. "What is taking him so long?!"
He'd receive his answer soon. Not one figure emerged, but three. Two interns on either side, and between them, they carried Justin... the masked man who'd been lurking around on the boat.
"No, no!" Justin protest. "I can't be on TV, they can't see me, I'm hideous!"
The two interns looked at each other, shrugged, pulled Justin back, and with a heave, tossed him on to the sand.
"Justin?" Beth repeat, looking concerned. "Are... are you alright?"
Justin stood up quickly- mask still covering his face. He looked around like a wild animal, before yelling, "Don't look at me!" and darting behind some trees for cover.
"Um... wow." Chris stared, blinking slowly. "I don't... I don't even know what to say to that, man."
"Is he alright?" Alejandro asked, somewhere between confused and concerned. The sound of muffled sobbing could be heard from behind some foliage.
"Yeah, maybe, I don't know, I don't care," Chris admit. "Besides- none of you are going to end up alright this season. Welcome back, campers! Did you miss me? Don't answer that. The thirteen of you know how this game goes. Challenge after challenge, torture after torture- we're gonna whittle you down until there's only one left! But you didn't think it would be just the dozen of you, right?"
"No, of course not." Courtney shook her head. "In the contract, it mentioned a total of twenty six competitors, so-"
Chris sighed, closed his eyes. "Courtney... do you have to ruin everything?"
Courtney's cheeks pinkened, the girl going silent.
Chris began again. "Now. As I was saying-"
To his ever-increasing dismay, however, Joey spoke first.
"That's right! This time around, we'll be having twenty-six competitors!" he balled his fists in nervous excitement, thrusting on into the air. "The highest number of competitors in Total Drama history. And, of course, these other thirteen con- campers, are brand-new! So let's give them a good welcome, er, I mean, warm welcome! First up, we've got the social media financier, Paul-E Paulie!"
"That's 'influencer'," Chris corrected.
Paulie strode down the pier confidently- phone aimed at his face the whole way. His lips were posed, his right hand raised, doing various gestures and signs for the camera.
"Alright, Busy E's, here we are! Camp Chelee! And it looks like we're gonna be busy alright. Look at the competition." He flipped his phone's camera around, zooming in on the various competitors.
Again, Beth was the first to greet him. "Hi! I'm Beth! It's nice to-"
"She says her name is Beth, Busy E's! I say somethin' else. Hashtag, first out," he grinned. He wrapped an arm around Beth, pulling her body to his, taking a quick selfie of the two together, before giving her a push back toward the other competitors- the girl too stunned to even register what happened until he was halfway down the beach.
"Hey, what's your problem?" LeShawna asked, stepping over to Paulie, until Alejandro put a hand on her shoulder, holding her back.
"Give me an hour session, and I can tell you exactly what his problem is," a new voice said. Andrea stood at the end of the dock, winking at the camera, before strutting down like she was on the runaway.
"Psychologist Andrea!" Joey called.
"How sweet. I'm only majoring now," Andrea hum, looking over Joey and Chris. "But, if it's for you two, I wouldn't mind playing doctor~"
Andrea learned a lot in school- namely, that favoritism could take you anywhere.
Joey's face turned as red as his hair... coughing and stammering through his words, Chris having to take over the next introduction for him.
"Easy there, Casanova," McLean mocked. "Who's up next, why... it's... just some guy named David!"
David winced as he hopped off the pier and on to the beach. "Ouch. Just stab me in the chest, why don't you," he joked. "But hey. Today, I'm just some guy. By next somewhere, I'll be just some millionaire!"
Chris suppressed laughter, shook his head. "Just a word of advice? No one who ever says 'I'm totally gonna win the million' ever actually wins the million."
"First time for everything," David quipped, not losing confidence for a second.
"Hmm. We'll see how that goes for David, but in the meantime, looks like we're catching up with... Party Girl Prisha!" Chris exclaimed.
Prisha strode all the way down the dock... very unlike what the "party girl" moniker might imply. She looked bored and unimpressed, taking her place a good distance away from everyone else without a word.
"...uh, hi, hello? Yes, we're on the air." Chris frowned, snapping his fingers together. "Give us, you know, something?"
"I don't need to try and impress anybody," Prisha said coolly. "I do that just by being here."
"Ouch. Hear that Busy E's? Party girl's a party pooper," Paulie smirked, filming Prisha. "Hashtag Ice Queen, Hashtag Early Elimination, Hashtag I'd tap-
Prisha stared at him coldly. "Hashtag get your stupid phone out of my face, before I break yours."
"Yikes. How about you get a sense of humor, lady?" Paulie muttered, though he did pull away a bit, noticeably intimidated.
"I dunno, I'd pay to see that," Chris snickered. "And I'm sure plenty of viewers would at home. Next up, who do we got? Why, it's Steven the Scout!"
Steven paused at the end of the ramp, giving a mock salute. "Hoo boy. If I had known this would end up being my 'thing', I might have left the uniform at home," he joked, walking toward the group. "Nice meeting you all. My name's Steven. I hope we can have a fun time."
"Fun, is relative." Was Chris' answer. "If you like betrayal, bodily harm or freezing to death, you'll have a blast."
Steven paused, eyes going wide. "Heh.. uh... yeah." he cleared his throat. "Well, hey. At least the scouts prepared me to deal with... some of those things. If you need a camp fire, I'm your guy."
"Sure, if we get stranded in the seventeen-hundreds," Prisha said with a roll of her eyes. "I'll stick to indoor heating. Thanks."
"Indoor heating?" Chris stared at Prisha- before literally slapping his knee, eyes watering as cackled like a hyena. "Indoor... she thinks she gets... oh man!"
Prisha's nose wrinkled. "What's so funny?"
"Uh, we'll get to that!" Joey assured her. "But um, the interns are telling me to keep going, so, next up we have Les-"
"Ugh, dude, please no." It was the girl with the frog hoodie who interrupted- eyes glued to her phone as she walked down the pier, glancing up only briefly. "I hate my name. Just call me Froggy. That's my streaming handle anyway. Good PR."
Chris straightened up, stopped laughing. "Streaming handle? What, you swim? What are you talking about?"
"Uh, no." Froggy gave a snort. "Oh my god, have you really never heard of online streaming? Boomer."
"Uh, I'm streaming now, and I've never heard of you," Paulie spoke up.
"What do I care?" Froggy was completely unbothered by this, judging by the smirk on her face. "My fans pay premium for me to lay around and roll gacha all day. I don't care about some random dudebro."
"Yeah, I was gonna ask about that," Steven frowned. "Uh... not to tattle, but they're allowed to be on their phones?"
"They worked that out with the executives!" Joey explained. "They can stream up until the first challenge, but once that starts, they can only record vlogs to upload later."
Paul smirked, puffed out his chest proudly. "Uh huh. I record content for my website, and the Total Drama website. I'm kind of a big deal."
Prisha shook her head. "You're also insufferable."
"If you're worried about cheating, don't be," Joey hum. "They know what they can and can't do. And if they do do what they shouldn't do, they're eliminated instantly, so I guess that's a good thing for you right?"
"Ugh, can we move on?" Chris groaned. The host was getting frustrated. He knew it was allowed, but he didn't understand or care for whatever this 'streaming' nonsense was. He especially didn't care for it if it hogged his spotlight. "Burning daylight, people, and you don't still wanna be working on the challenge when it gets dark! Next up, Hot Young Nurse, Ashley!"
Ash was next to walk down the dock- limp, actually, though it was only noticeable to a trained eye. Or, at least, an observant one.
"Oh gee. You're gonna make me blush," he mused, giving a shake of his head.
Chris' jaw dropped. "W-wait a minute, Nurse Ashley is a guy?! F-forget everything I said!"
"Don't worry, I'm sure I'll be having nightmares about it for the next year or so," Ash mused. "But seriously, just call me Ash- nice to meet you guys."
"You're a nurse?" Prisha remarked, looking him over- recognizing him from the boat. "You don't look like one."
"Technically, my field is sports medicine. No pun intended," he said with a casual shrug.
"Well, I'm glad to have someone else on the team with medical experience. Nice to meet you," Steven greet, the two shaking hands.
Ash smiled and nodded. "Likewise."
"Okay, well, ignoring that..." Chris shuddered, "Next up, we have Class Clown, Sally! Wait, what?" Chris paused, holding a finger to his earpiece as he listened in. "Not a class clown? A regular clown? Are you serious?!"
Walking down the pier, it turned out, wasn't good enough for Sally. She didn't enter with a whimper, but a bang, jumping off of the boat with a flip, and posing.
"Tada! Thank you, thank you!" She called, grinning ear to ear. With a flick of her wrist, she produced a bouquet of flowers, tossing them to the contestants. Alejandro reached up, caught them with one hand, gave them to LeShawna.
Ash smiled, clapping his hands together, Steven and David joining in.
"Thank you, thank you, you're a wonderful crowd! Who wants to hear a joke?" Sally asked, wobbling over to them.
"Oh, do you know the one about the moth at the pediatrist?" Ash asked.
"Nope! But I do know one about a lizard at a barber," Sally hum. "Let's see, so it's a Tuesday and-"
"Enough! That's creepy! You're creepy!" Chris groaned. "Why did they bring on a clown of all people?!"
"Hey, that's not nice, you know!" Sally pout. "Things have been tough on us clowns, especially since that movie came out!"
"I don't care! You're creepy!" Chris snapped.
"I think clowns are great!" Joey chimed in. "Oh, but we do have to be moving on, because next we have... Musician Akihiko! I'm happy about this one! You always have to have a musician, right?"
Akihiko walked down the dock wordlessly. When he came to the end of the pier, he set his case down, stretched widely, and yawned without covering his mouth.
"Yo," he greet- a few of the other contestants yawning in turn, now. Without another word, he picked up his instrument, and walked toward everyone silently.
"...that it? Not gonna give us anything to work with?" Chris asked, annoyed.
Akihiko yawned again. "Do I have to? Didn't think the challenges started yet."
"Well, no, they haven't, but... ugh, nevermind!" Chris shook his head, exasperated.
Akihiko seemed to ignore him anyway, glancing at his fellow competitors... only for his gaze to linger on Paulie. "Hey. Do I know you from somewhere?"
Paulie seemed pleased with himself. "Me? Probably. Paul-E Paulie, internet sensation right here. You a Busy-E?"
"Internet sensation?" Akihiko repeat. "Hmm... nope. Haven't had internet in two years now. That ain't it."
As Akihiko sized him up, trying to recognize him, Chris looked over at the dock, smirking a little as he saw Helena trying to sneak over.
"Helena! Now now. You weren't trying to sneak past without an entrance, were you?" he asked.
Helena shrunk a bit, shoulders slumping, face going red. "I, um... well, I didn't want to make a scene," she whispered, voice barely audible.
"WHAT?" Chris yelled- unable but to help tease the girl, enjoying putting her under a spotlight. "You're gonna have to speak up!"
"I... I didn't want to make a scene," Helena repeat, a bit louder. "I just thought I could... slip in..."
"If you didn't want to make a scene, you came to the wrong place," Chris told her, matter of factly- giving her a shove toward the rest of the cast. "But lucky for you, that means we can move on quicker! we're finally wrapping up introductions, people. Next up, we have Jean!"
Jean didn't 'make a scene' either, though. If anything, he seemed more meek than Helena, eyes glued to his feet, rubbing his arm as he slowly trudged down the pier.
"What, it's not enough we have a clown, they had to send us a mime too?" Chris grunt. "You're not gonna say anything?"
Jean looked up, blinked, took a second to register to the comment. "...Mime?" he asked. Of course, just because he'd heard the remark didn't mean he was any less confused by it- until Sally stepped forward.
"Nah, he's not a mime!" the girl giggled, placing her hands on her hips. "Good thing too, or we'd have to throw down here and now, good old fashioned clown fight!"
Jean stared at her, a little alarmed by the talk of clowns fighting- until she wrapped one arm around him, pulling him in for a half-hug.
"Nah, I'm just kidding!" she assured him. "Nice to meet 'ya, guy, I'm Sally, and that's Ash and Steven and Akihiko and David and Prisha and-"
"O-oh." Jean smiled, even if only a little bit. "It's nice to meet you, too."
Joey looked over the assembled cast, excitement welling up inside him. "I can't believe this, we're almost ready! Just two more, guys! Last up, we have twins Victor and Victoria!"
"Actually, we're not twins," Victor spoke up. "We just look alike, that's all."
The two were already making their way down the pier, Victoria giving an assured smile as she nod in agreement to his statement. "Mhm. I'm the eldest," she clarified. "Did you know I was such a good kid, they named Victor after me, hoping he'd be just like me?"
Victor scowled. "That's not true and you know it. You know we got named after Grandma."
"Hm. I know I was. I apologize for my little brother in advance, guys. You can vote him off first if you want," Victoria said loudly.
"You always do this!" Victor grunt- going to one end of the cast, as Victoria went to the other.
"Ah, sibling tension! Classic!" Chris sighed happily. "Unfortunately, it's gonna have to wait! Now that you're all here, it's time to explain how this season is gonna work. Thirteen veterans, thirteen newbs- as you guessed, those are your teams for this season. Age versus youth! Or... early twenties versus late twenties, look, it doesn't really matter."
"Oh, and get this! Veterans! Your team name is Clementia!" Joey chimed in happily. "Newbs, your team name is Juventas!"
Chris stared at Joey, frowned. "...what? What does that mean?" he asked. "What kind of made up wizard-speak are you using?"
"Oh, no!' Joey began. "It's not made up- it means-"
Chris held up a hand. "Whatever, I don't care! Two teams of thirteen! Now, you guys know the basics. You compete every two to three days in a challenge, where the losing team will vote to send someone home. However, this year the winning team gets a reward- a stay in a nice, cushy, heated cabin!"
"So? What's the big deal about that?" Duncan asked. "No immunity? No advantage in the next challenge?"
Chris walked over to Duncan, throwing an arm around his shoulder. "The big deal, Duncan, is that while it's only chilly now, in a couple of weeks we'll be hitting below zero temperatures. It's gonna snow and freeze and be super miserable. So tell me, when that happens, do you want the cabin with heating, or without?"
"...point taken," Duncan grumbled.
Chris pat his back condescendingly. "Good! So you'll be dealing with the cold as well as each other! As always, lying, scheming, and backstabbing are all totally encouraged!"
Stepping forward, Joey continued. "This season, there's two types of challenges we'll swap from each week. Brand new challenges, and redo's of older challenges with a new twist!"
"And of course, we aren't going easy on you just because it's your first day!" Chris continued. "Your first challenge starts now. But don't worry, it won't be elimination just yet... or will it?" A grin spread across the host's face as he surveyed the reactions of the competitors.
Cody glanced around before asking, "So what is the challenge?"
"Glad you asked, Cody! Remember the survival challenge from season one?" Chris asked. "Well, you won't get to spend a night in a nice, cozy cabin right away. Because tonight, to show you just how dangerous Chelee is, and to get to know your fellow competitors, you'll be working together to set up your own shelters in the woods, where you'll camp for the night!"
Joey raised his hands, holding a map in each of them. "Each team gets a map, which will show you the location where you'll be setting up camp for the night! We'll be monitoring you guys all night, and whoever things go smoothest for will be the winner! But don't worry, you'll have a few supplies waiting for you at your campsite to help you get started!"
Joey stepped over to each team- handing one map to Beth, and one to Steven.
"I hope you guys are ready," Chris spoke with a grin. "Total Drama Redemption starts now!"