Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.

A/N: Finally back with another chapter! Now, the next couple chapters are probably going to be a bit shorter than what you're used to lately, but that's because they're building and leading up to the main plot for this Spirit Chip arc. I hope you all enjoy the upcoming arc! I'm looking forward to it myself! This is really only just the beginning as we delve deeper into Kara's thoughts, and as the story progresses, we'll see much more!

Following the Footsteps of Destiny

Chapter 289: Conflicting Emotions

Takara 'Kara' Kamiya

Odaiba, Japan, Earth

Takara stepped quietly out of the bathroom, her hazel eyes scanning the empty hallway with apprehension, and holding Fluttermon securely in her arms, her gaze came to rest on the closed doorway a little further down the corridor, uncertain of what to do. The early morning shadows creeping across the carpet made her feel uneasy, and though she was alone, it felt like something was watching her in the gloomy upstairs hall. Downstairs, she could hear her mother moving around the kitchen, and certain Taysuke had already left, since his room was across the hall from hers and a quick glance through the open door on her way past had revealed it was unoccupied, that meant other than her mother, only her father and the digimon were left inside the house.

Dad...

It was strange, but for the last few weeks she had felt very vulnerable, as if her whole existence was hanging on a mere thread within the darkness, and even more concerning was the way she was becoming more and more aware of how much danger they were all in. Never before had she been so in tune with the people she loved, and the fragile state of their own mortality scared her.

Nothing was sacred. Nothing was safe, and she who had lived so comfortably all her life was the last person who could do anything about it.

I never seem to have the words when it really counts. Even Ryoko managed to overcome that hurtle, but here I am, still unable to say what's really on my mind...

Over the last few weeks, she had spent a lot of time wondering what had changed over the course of several months to completely alter her way of thinking, and that was when she realized nothing, in fact, had changed at all. The doubts had always been there ever since she first became a Digidestined, but it wasn't until she was forced to face off against Sirenmon that they had slowly started to move to the surface without her really noticing.

Until now.

Dai and the others...they're all so strong. Even when they're hurting, they never give up, but what have I really done to help anyone? The thing with Sirenmon, it's just not enough. It's like there's really not much I can do, even when I want to help so badly...

"Kara?" Fluttermon said softly, the little digimon's voice breaking the spell that had fallen over the upstairs hallway. "What's wrong?"

Takara was still staring at the closed door across the hall, and shaking her head, she said quietly, "Nothing's wrong."

I have so many ideas about what's going on with the Ruler of Darkness and DarkAngelicmon, so why have I been so hesitant to share them? Is it because I'm afraid if we act on those ideas that someone will get hurt? Someone like Mickey or Matty...

And what about Daichi? What would she do if Dai got hurt, or worse?

He would sacrifice himself if it meant protecting Mickey or Matty, and with those two still needing their Spirit Chips like I do and my concerns about DarkAngelicmon and Daemon...Even if I'm right, I don't know how I can be of any help. And if I can't help them and something happens...

"That's not true, and you know it," Dovemon insisted, sounding miserable. "Something hasn't been right for a while now, and you still won't tell me what it is. Why, Kara? I'm your partner. We're supposed to tell each other everything."

Fluttermon, I'm so sorry...

It wasn't that Kara didn't want to tell her partner, it was more the fact that she didn't fully understand what was wrong herself.

Or maybe I do understand, and there's just so much wrong, I can't even process it all.

It was a difficult road, and because she was so uncertain of her own feelings, there was no sense in saying anything until she had a better understanding of her own emotions. Unfortunately, that was going to take a while, and as a result Fluttermon was just going to have to wait. Her feelings weren't something that would benefit from a quick fix, and until she understood herself first, there was no sense in worrying her partner until she had an answer.

Even if I know I'm hurting her.

But who wasn't she hurting these days?

"Kara, why won't you answer me?" Fluttermon mumbled, snuggling against her chest.

Have I learned nothing from Sam and Ryoko? And even Dai...

Kara gave the little digimon a quick hug, and shaking her head, she said, "I'm not trying to hide anything from you, Fluttermon. I'm really not. I just...once I understand, I promise you'll be the first to know."

"Really?" Fluttermon asked, giving her a hopeful look.

"Of course, I just...I need to figure some things out first."

"And that's fine. Just don't take too long, okay?"

Takara responded by giving her digimon another hug, and unable to keep her gaze off the door across the hall, she felt her eyes fill with sudden tears. The room was like a beacon she couldn't ignore, and unable to stop herself, she quickly stepped across the hall and hurried over to the closed door, her hand coming to rest on the shiny doorknob. Knowing she couldn't leave without at least seeing his face, she quickly slipped inside and paused, her eyes coming to rest on the familiar figure laying motionless on the bed. The early morning sunshine danced across the man's tired face, and to the right she could see Agumon and Biyomon sleeping peacefully under the window. Not wanting to disturb the two digimon, Takara quickly tiptoed across the room towards the bed, and gazing down at her father's sleeping profile, she felt a tight fist clench around her already vulnerable heart.

Last night, she had barely slept at all, having only succumbed to her dreams during the early hours of the morning, and that was because she had been unable stop thinking about her father.

Knowing he was out there risking his life for others and being painfully aware of the fact that there was always a chance the former leader might not come home one day from his job scared her, and though it was something that had weighed on her mind since she was a young child, never before had she felt the sensation so keenly until just last night. The terrible images racing through her head had prevented her from falling asleep until the sound of his footsteps coming through the front door and his movements on the first floor had put her at ease, and thus that was the reason why she had woken up late that morning.

Having watched her male friends suffer over the last three Spirit Chips, she understood completely where they were coming from. Her family and her friends were everything to her, and if there ever came a day when she couldn't protect them anymore, what would she do with herself?

Especially Dai. After all this time, I still haven't said anything to him about how I feel. What would I do if I ever lost him? For him to disappear without ever knowing how I feel. This must be a little bit like how Ryoko felt...

Except in her case it was different from a brotherly bond of friendship.

"Kara? We need to hurry or you're going to be late for school," Fluttermon gently reminded her, speaking softly so as not to wake any of the sleeping occupants in the room.

Takara ignored the little digimon for a moment, and sitting on the edge of the bed, she leaned over to give her father a gentle kiss on the cheek. At the touch of her lips, the former leader moved slightly, his face softening into a smile, but he didn't wake up.

Though it was a few weeks ago, she still vividly remembered her encounter with Matt at the Motomiya residence, and thinking back on it now, the concern in the former musician's eyes still touched her heart. She hadn't forgotten his words, and knowing she had most likely overreacted during the confrontation, she still felt a bit embarrassed in the golden-haired Digidestined's presence during the several times they had crossed paths over the last few weeks.

It was true Matt and Mimi had always treated her like their own child, and knowing how much they wanted her to reach out to her parents made her heart ache inside.

While it was nice having so many people looking out for her, it also meant higher expectations, and sometimes it could be quite exhausting to have the parenting you received coming from all sides.

Mostly because she wasn't quite sure she could meet their expectations.

I want to make them all proud, but what if I can't do it? I just feel so useless, like nothing I do is ever enough.

And it didn't help that she was the only new female Digidestined, and often it felt like she was overshadowed by the strength of her five male friends, all of whom in many ways had already proven their capabilities as members of the team.

I love them all, and yet I sometimes feel like I'm the forgotten one. This must be a bit like how Matty felt...

And yet the man currently sleeping next to her on the mattress had never failed to encourage her. Always, every day, he was there to remind her that she could do anything if she only believed in herself.

Dad...

Once again the tears were threatening to fall, and resting her head against her father's shoulder, she hugged him as best she could and whispered in his ear, "I love you."

Her father didn't reply, his dark brown eyes still hidden from sight, and knowing she couldn't put it off any longer, she reluctantly pulled away and quickly headed back out into the hall, Fluttermon once again resting comfortably in her arms.

The little digimon hadn't commented on her actions, knowing instinctively that she needed a moment to herself, and racing down the stairs, she quickly pulled on her white fashion boots before grabbing her green coat off the hook by the door.

A moment later, her mother came into the foyer from the kitchen, and gazing at her, the red-haired female said softly, "Heading out now?"

Takara gently placed Fluttermon in her backpack, and without looking up, she said, "I'd better if I don't want to be late. See you this evening."

"Have a good day."

Takara quickly pulled open the door, her back to her mother, and without turning around, she said quietly, "I love you."

There was a soft intake of air behind her, but before the older woman could answer, Takara quickly made her way towards the sidewalk, her heart pounding in her chest.

Normally along the way she usually ended up meeting one of the others on the street, but this time nobody greeted her. Since it was late, chances were the rest of her friends were already at school, perhaps waiting at the usual spot on the lawn where they often met up before class started. It was either there or the computer room.

As much as she wanted to see them, these days she sometimes dreaded it, but it wasn't because she didn't want to be around them. It was more because she knew how much they were all worrying about her.

I'm not blind. I can see it in their eyes every time they look at me, but right now there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know how to ease their fears when I can't even fight off my own...

"Kara!"

The voice startled her, and looking up, she realized, having run the whole way, that she had managed to reach the schoolyard in record time.

It was Matty's voice that had called out her name, and she could see him waving to her, trying to catch her attention.

The other four were with Matty, and Takara could sense their apprehension. No doubt they had been wondering and worrying about where she was.

"Ouch, not so rough next time," Fluttermon groaned, the quiet voice drifting through the zipper on her backpack.

Realizing her digimon would have felt every bump as she raced down the street, she instantly felt bed, and glancing over her shoulder, she said apologetically, "Sorry about that. You're not too beat up, are you?"

"I'm fine, but I want some extra snacks from Sam's stash to make up for it!"

"Anything for you, Fluttermon."

"Where have you been?" Ryoko demanded, striding over with an air of obvious annoyance.

Despite his attitude, Takara could see the worry in his deep blue eyes, and feeling guilty, she mumbled, "Sorry, I slept in."

"Slept in?" Mickey asked, coming over to stand next to Ryoko. "That's not like you at all."

Matty was standing on Mickey's other side, and scratching his golden hair, the younger twin said sheepishly, "Kara, I mean this in the nicest way possible, so don't hit me or anything, but...well, no offense, but you look terrible."

Though Matty quickly backed up, as if fully expecting her to smack him, Takara wasn't offended. After all, it was the truth. She did look terrible, and she knew it. It made her guilty for causing them so much distress, and yet at the same time Matty's words made her smile. It was nice to know they still cared even if she hadn't been quite as receptive to their affections lately. "I didn't get much sleep last night. Dad was out fighting a big fire across town..."

"It's fine, we understand," Sam quickly butted in, giving her a sympathetic smile. "Did your parents get the message from Izzy?"

"About meeting up tonight to plan for the next Spirit Chip?"

"You're going to be there, right?" Dai asked, his dark eyes sprakling in the early morning sunshine.

During the whole exchange, Dai had been standing quietly next to Ryoko, his handsome face a mask of shadows, and though the goggle-headed leader hadn't scolded her for showing up late, she could sense that he was uneasy. Though he met her eyes directly, he didn't smile, and with the way he was looking at her now, she couldn't help feeling as if he could somehow read her mind. "Of course I'll be there. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You tell us," Ryoko snapped, his eyes flashing as he turned his back on her.

The golden-haired Digidestined's unusually harsh reaction caught her by surprise, and staring at her male friend in silence, she caught Dai's quick glance at the other boy and the unspoken words between them.

It was then that she understood, and realizing Ryoko's prickly bahaviour was for Dai's sake, all of a sudden the golden-haired Digidestined's unfriendly attitude made sense.

Clearly Dai must have been worrying about her before she arrived, and no doubt the goggle-headed leader had been vocal about his feelings to Ryoko and the others, which would have upset them. And since she was to blame for Dai's obvious distress, Ryoko had taken offense and let his frustrations out on her.

Probably without meaning to.

Not that I blame him. I'd be frustrated with me too if I were him.

Which led to another question. If Dai had truly been worrying about her, what exactly did that mean?

Is he only worried because I'm a close friend, or is it something more?

"We should probably drop our digimon off at the computer room," Sam said hastily, quickly changing the subject. "We don't have much time left before class starts."

Takara nodded, and brushing past Ryoko to head for the entrance, she took note of the slight nudge from her backpack and said, "Fluttermon wants extra snacks. She had a bit of a rough ride this morning."

Sam attempted to hide his smile, and quickly catching up to her, the raven-haired Digidestined said, "That's fine. There's plenty to go around."

The rest of the trip to the computer room was made in silence, and once their digimon were settled, Takara said, "Just so you guys know, I won't be around at lunch. Megumi and the other girls wanted me to hang out with them today, and I promised them I would since I haven't had a chance to spend any time with them lately."

Ryoko looked like he wanted to protest, and placing a soothing hand on the golden-haired Digidestined's shoulder, Dai said calmly, "It's fine. We'll see you after school then."

"I'll chuck stuff at you in class when Mrs. Hanari isn't looking to make up for it," Matty joked, earning himself a sharp nudge from Mickey.

Takara gave her cousin a grateful smile, and avoiding Dai's eyes, she said softly, "I look forward to it. Come on, guys, let's get to class."

"We'll see you guys after school," Sam said to the digimon, who ignored him and continued to enjoy their breakfast with enthusiasm.

As they left the computer room, Takara could feel Dai's eyes on her back, and with a heavy heart she proceeded to hurry down the hallway towards their classroom.

A part of her knew she was closing herself off from Dai because she didn't want him to worry, but her efforts were in vain.

Of course Dai was going to worry about her. He worried about everyone.

But was it enough?

At the end of the day, she didn't want his sympathy. She wanted his love.

More than anything, she wanted his heart.