He'd been driving around with no destination in mind for a while now. Actually, that wasn't true. Shawn had been on his way to the rehab place when he decided to turn around. "What for?" He'd been asking himself that question a lot lately. And skipping a lot of his physical therapy appointments - but he supposed that went hand in hand. Why bother when his back was fucked beyond repair anyway?

He stopped the car and only then realized where it had taken him seemingly on autopilot. Somehow he'd ended up at the Devil's Backbone Overlook in Texas Hill Country. How very fitting. When he looked around, Shawn was glad about the lack of other people at this scenic spot for once; he just wanted to be left alone.

Rummaging through the glove compartment, he found what he was looking for. He flipped the lid from the small container and downed a few of the Somas inside, before grabbing the bottle of Jack that was lying on the passenger seat. Shawn took a long swig and grimaced at its taste – and at the same time relished the burning sensation down his throat. Nothing he'd usually drink, but it would do.

Bottle in hand, he stepped out and his gaze wandered into the distance. The hills and valleys ahead were lined with junipers and oaks and, except for some birds singing, it was eerily quiet. No surprise there were so many ghost stories about this place, and even the locals thought it was haunted. He'd never bought into any of those folklore tales, though. As a matter of fact, he used to come here a lot when he was younger and always found some kind of peace. Back then he'd been a bright-eyed kid with dreams and the world at his feet.

Shawn gulped down some more of the whiskey. What a cruel joke life was. It only took an instant to have it all taken away. He should know. Angrily he smashed the bottle to the floor and watched it burst into a million pieces that could never be put back together. Pretty much like the boy that used to come here.

Eventually he went back to his car, but how he made it home was a bit of a blur. The combination of booze and prescription drugs had started to kick in and part of him knew that he shouldn't be driving, but the louder voice in his head just didn't give a damn today. Either way, here he was, at his empty house once again. Whoop-de-fuckin'-doo.

He fell into his recliner and popped the remaining pills, hoping they would knock him out for the rest of the afternoon. That was when Shawn noticed the blinking digits on his answering machine. Right. He had meant to phone Hunter. Yesterday. Or was it the day before? Whatever. The poor bastard had been calling him even more often since his visit. He wished he would finally leave him alone.

But did he really? Shawn sank down deeper into the cushions. No. He was grateful that his friend kept checking in. God knows he was the only one who seemed to care at all. Other than his parents, of course, but they didn't understand. Hunter did. And yet he wanted to keep pushing him away. Dealing with him meant dealing with the situation he was in and he just… couldn't anymore. Shawn felt like he just about had enough strength left to try to escape.

And the red numbers were still flashing at him accusingly.

Clumsily, he reached for the handset, almost dropping it in the process. He dialed the familiar number and let it ring a couple of times. Just when he was going to hang up, Hunter finally answered, slightly out of breath, "Shawn?"

He nodded until he remembered that Hunter couldn't see him. "Yeah, it's me. Am I interruptin' s'methin'?" His voice was hoarse to his own ears, and he realized he hadn't talked to anyone in a few days. "Should I call y'later?"

"Nah, it's fine. Just give me a second." There was some shuffling at the other end of the line and some mumbled words before Hunter addressed him again. "I'm still at the rehab facility, but I could use a break anyway."

Hunter was currently rehabbing his knee. How could he forget?

"Y'sure? M'sorry…"

"Definitely. So… What's up? How are you?" Shawn got quiet. Quite frankly, he didn't know what to say. "Shawn, are you still there?"

"Yeah. I am. I r'lly sh'ldn't b'keepin' ya…" He hated how his words slurred together, that much he was still aware of. And there was no way Hunter wouldn't also notice. And he'd worry. God, he should have picked a different time to do this.

"I told you it's fine. I'm glad you called. Wanna tell me what's on your mind?" He almost laughed. His mind was a place Hunter certainly didn't need to hear about currently. "Shawn? …Come on."

Hunter sounded concerned. Well done, Shawn. Well done. He needed to get his act together before his buddy hopped on the next plane, busted knee or not. He just had such a hard time keeping his thoughts on track. "I… M'alright. Saw m'doc 'gain th'other day…"

Now it was Hunter's turn to go quiet for a moment. He sounded far away – or maybe that was simply Shawn's imagination. "What did he say?"

"Set th'date. Surg'ry's in Jan'ry."

Saying it out loud for the first time made it feel real. Even in his self-induced haze the finality of this now hit him. Hard. He didn't give Hunter the chance to respond and just disconnected the call.