Hello hello lovelies!
Parts of this chapter follow canon closely, however, there are big chunks where I take massive liberties and change things up. So, yea, just keep that in mind as you're reading haha.
So, originally this chapter was around 3-4k words. However, I decided to flesh it out, and somehow ended up with 12K!? How did this happen? I thought the next chapter was going to be way longer than this one, but boy was I wrong. Regardless, I hope you enjoy x
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Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, and only the story line and any OC's belong to me.
"Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes,
and roll down my cheeks."
- Anonymous
The war was horrific. It stripped him of what he feared most to lose; his humanity.
Remus Lupin once promised he wouldn't return to the werewolf packs, but it'd escaped him just who he'd made the promise with. Thus, in September of 1980, he left Potter Manor in the dead of the night to once more spy on the packs.
Remus thought he had to, and he would try anything to stop the steadily rising body count of his friends and comrades. It was becoming unbearable. If that wasn't bad enough, there was a perpetual, oppressive emptiness in his chest. It was relentless, and it only served to remind him that he was missing something crucial.
Remus would spend weeks at a time with different packs, and then Dumbledore would come for him, and he would return to Godric's Hollow and crash in Lily and James's guest bedroom, or he'd stay at Lupin Den. In January, Remus left for what Dumbledore called an extended period.
As time wore on Remus began to lose himself to the wolf. Most days he forgot who he was, most days he forgot who they were. Vague, blurry images filled his mind as he tried to recall what they looked like. Red hair, black hair, white hair, eventually it all seemed to jumble together.
Remus knew he was human, but it felt like he was a puppet being guided by strings. He went through the motions of interacting with his fellow werewolves even though it was as if he was floating outside of his body, watching it happen.
Somehow, he managed to focus on his mission, although he barely remembered how to write in straight, coherent sentences as he scrawled down any information he managed to scrounge up to send to Dumbledore.
One day on the cusp of summer, a peculiar and familiar scent wafted into his nostrils and woke Remus up. (The pack had become nocturnal, preferring to roam at night, so the other werewolves were asleep.) It was gentle and unassuming as it drifted through the air; chamomile and mint. Remus's chest clenched tightly as he rose from the ground, his fingers digging into the dirt as he got up.
Remus unthinkingly followed the scent, unsure what awaited him. The other werewolves were dead to the world—exhausted from yesterday's full moon—and were thus sleeping off their fatigue.
Remus soon realised that as the smell gained potency, it morphed into something different. It was the crisp scent of lemon, however it'd become bitter, as if it'd been left out on the counter for too long and turned sour and rancid. Remus's nose scrunched up in distaste as the other scents disappeared altogether.
Several feet away, a figure was tucked away amongst the trees. Remus froze, his senses on high alert and he growled in warning. His body ached, and there were fresh wounds across his back and sides, but he buried the pain as his survival instincts kicked in. The figure calmly strolled out into the open, with a mysterious smile and twinkling eyes; it was Albus Dumbledore.
The sight of the man brought Remus back into his cold, harsh reality. And he choked on air as he dealt with the loss of the prior scent. It's as if his soul had been robbed; robbed of the sweet, soothing smell that felt like home.
"It's time to come home," the older man said. Remus's growling resumed, and his eyes were molten gold with flecks of amber. He was human, but simultaneously he wasn't. Remus tried to wrap his mind around the word, around the concept of home, and what that even entailed anymore. They were gone, so was it truly home?
Not for the first time, Remus pursed his lips and tried to recall who they were, as per usual, he was unsuccessful.
Dumbledore'd showed up out-of-the-blue, like everything was fine and dandy and wanted to uproot Remus again. As if he hadn't left Remus for months, and the man fully gave into Moony. He'd slept in caves, sometimes in the forest under the stars. Remus had hunted, killing small animals to eat as they tried to survive. His thought process was confined to the essentials, to what he needed; food and shelter.
Remus didn't remember much after that. Dumbledore had hailed the Knight Bus and ushered him onto it. Remus was numb as he sat alone on the second floor, being jostled about as the bus drove in a mad, rapid and dizzying fashion. Remus closed his eyes, and was lulled to sleep.
In Remus's subsequent moment of clarity, he found himself standing at the end of the dirt path that led to Godric's Hollow. He followed the woodsy and floral scents swirling around him until he ended up on their front stoop.
Remus's legs buckled under him, the last of his strength drained from him. He collapsed onto his side, and his eyes drooped even though he battled to keep them wide open. He was so tired.
The next few days were an adjustment period and difficult for all parties involved. Remus had been reduced to a hurt wolf, and he caught himself growling on multiple occasions when he'd wanted to speak.
That isn't very nice, Moony. Use your words, a male voice said.
James and Lily remind him who he is, that he was more than the wolf, and eventually he left his room and went downstairs. He found Lily swaying back and forth in the living room with Harry on her hip. From the mixture of delectable scents coming from the kitchen, Remus ascertained that James was cooking dinner.
Remus cautiously approached Lily and Harry, stunned when he noticed how much bigger Harry had gotten.
"Hello, my sweet Moon. Feeling more yourself I see," Lily said. She rubbed Harry's back, and glanced between him and Remus. Harry was patting his Mum's cheeks and making delighted sounds. Remus halted beside them.
"May I?" Remus asked softly, holding out his hands.
Lily smiled warmly. "Of course, Moony."
"Are you sure? I'm still not—"
"Remus, you would never hurt Harry. Besides, even when you were growling at us a few days ago, you never tried to attack us. We're family and we're pack, Moony," Lily said fiercely, her bright green eyes ablaze.
The moment she shifted Harry into Remus's arms, a sense of calm and security bloomed inside of him. The golden threads of their bonds burned hotly for a brief second, and Remus smiled gently as Harry peered at him curiously. Harry patted Remus's cheek, head cocked to the side.
I'll always keep you safe, Little Fawn, Remus promised mentally, and he hugged the boy to his front. Lily was gazing at them with abundant affection as she wrapped her arms around both of them. Remus bit his lip and held back tears. He was home.
Dumbledore never asked Remus to spy on the werewolf packs again. Thus, Remus spent most of his time at Godric's Hollow, but occasionally he would stay at Lupin Den in order to give James, Lily and Harry their space.
Remus rarely saw Peter, but the man said he was trying to stay away and under the radar as much as possible. Remus once pressed for details, but Peter simply stated he had a special assignment. He was cagey and vague whenever Remus asked more.
Remus and Sirius infrequently crossed paths, and when they did, he could tell that there was underlying tension on Sirius's end. Sirius was upset Remus left for the packs again even though he'd promised he wouldn't. The trust between the two men was thin, but they put aside their grievances once they were within the Potter's walls. They both wanted to avoid piling more stress onto Lily and James.
Fall swept in with crueller, colder winds than prior years. Remus lost everything the night Voldemort murdered James and Lily. Sirius had not only betrayed James and Lily—leading to their death—but he'd killed Peter, and twelve muggles. At least that's what Dumbledore and the rest of Wizarding society were saying.
Remus didn't think Sirius capable of such brutality and betrayal. James was Sirius's person, the one he loved most in this world, and he worshipped Lily and Harry. It made no sense. War changed people, he'd witnessed it happen many times over. Yet, he couldn't wrap his mind around Sirius being the culprit.
Remus went to Dumbledore, protesting on Sirius's behalf, desperate for there to be another explanation, any other explanation. His cries fell on deaf ears. Dumbledore calmly told him the evidence was overwhelming as Sirius had been the Potter's secret keeper. Unwittingly, after that conversation, doubt continued to creep into Remus's mind.
Consequently, he attempted to gain custody of Harry. He pled his case with Dumbledore, but the anti-werewolf legislation prevented him from adopting or fostering children due to the 'peril that came with that kind of environment' according to bigots like Dolores Umbridge.
The situation grew increasingly frustrating when he learned that Harry had been sent to live with Lily's sister. The muggle who shunned and despised anything magical. For the first few weeks as Remus tried his best to glean any information on how Harry was faring, the older wizard stuck to one phrase, 'Harry is living with his family.' Remus wanted to scream, 'NO! I'm his family'.
Every day, for over a year, Remus visited James and Lily's graves in Godric's Hollow. His first thought when he arrived was how they should have been buried in the Orchards at Potter Manor with Dorea and Charlus; Remus detested that they were buried here. Unfortunately, there were no more Potters around to access the estate, and thus it remained sealed off to all exterior parties. Remus was positive he had a way in, but he could never recall what it was.
Remus had nothing left. His Mother was gone, his Father was in Wales, and all his close friends were either dead, alleged traitors, or tortured to insanity. Briefly his thoughts drifted to Pandora Lovegood: they were friendly, but they hadn't stayed in touch much after graduation, and it would probably be strange if he showed up out of the blue and tried to re-forge a connection.
Remus was on the brink of moving to Wales to start over and live with his Father, but something kept him rooted in England. A prickling sensation ran along his nape whenever he thought about leaving England permanently. He considered the notion that it was out of obligation to Harry; he was staying within the country's borders because going too far away from the boy felt wrong.
Without fail, Remus travelled to Wales to spend every holiday with his Father. Often, he took spontaneous trips throughout the year to his Father's quaint home in the Welsh countryside. (There was a direct floo connection between their homes.) His Father worried about him and his thinning frame, but Remus constantly reassured him that he was fine. Lyall and Remus became closer than ever.
In the late eighties a devastating blow was dealt to Remus as his Father passed away. He was the only one to attend his funeral since he couldn't bear to tell anyone else. Most of their extended family was estranged or six feet under. Thus, he was alone again.
The following years, Remus struggled to find menial jobs so he could scrap together enough money for a measly meal a day; most days he went without. He eventually began working construction jobs in the muggle world, and that paid well, but he never could keep one job for too long. The period surrounding the Full Moon was more taxing on him without a pack, without Wolfsbane, and with him and Moony constantly hungry; so he took too many sick days.
Then, there was the mysterious copper box with the initials 'H.P' carved into the top that James had given him. It was locked and he hadn't the foggiest where the ruddy key was. Remus's thoughts drifted to Harry whenever he looked at it, but there was also a strange sense of longing that ran to the core of his being.
Remus hastily grew exasperated with the box that he could not open, because of a key whose whereabouts were unknown. There was another slightly larger chest that he also could not open, nor could he recall how, so he buried them at the back of a cupboard in his room and thrust thoughts of them from his mind. This particular puzzle was driving him mad.
Another reason for his frustration was whenever he looked at the copper box or the silver chest, images of Sirius flashed at the forefront of his mind. There was always a sliver of doubt that Sirius wasn't the one who had betrayed their friends, but most of the time he shoved it into the recesses of his mind. Sirius's supposed betrayal never felt right to him.
The lonely years passed, and before he knew it, Harry turned eleven. Remus splurged on a chocolate cupcake with vanilla buttercream frosting—from a lovely bakery not far from the job site he was working on, and took it home with the intent to have a miniature celebration in Harry's honour. He finally had enough money so he wasn't worried about his next meal.
Remus put the cupcake on a small, blue plate, transfigured a tiny candle, and carefully stuck the candle into the cupcake. He carried it over to the coffee table, and sat down cross-legged in front of it. Remus lit the candle, and stared at the flickering flame for several poignant moments. Remus closed his eyes and he silently wished that Harry was doing well as he blew out the flame.
The wizard swore there were two sets of hands on his shoulders, embracing him. Woodsy and floral hints drifted around the room for the briefest of moments, and Remus whimpered. His elbows rested on the coffee table on either side of the cupcake, and his head fell into his hands. His eyes fluttered open and he stared at the cupcake.
In another world they would all be surrounding Harry, the cake would be one of Lily's grand creations, and the celebration would last all night. Remus hoped and prayed Harry received something similar this year. That life had treated him well thus far, and that he would enjoy his years at Hogwarts as much as they had. Tears streamed down his face as he ate the cupcake, and savoured its delicious sweetness.
Months later—to his great surprise—on an otherwise unremarkable January afternoon he received a letter from Minerva McGonagall; a letter about Harry. Afterwards, letters pertaining to Harry continued to appear at random intervals. There was no provocation for such on his end, but Remus treasured every word. Eventually, he decided to write back, there was a world of questions he had his former Professor, but he settled on a short, polite response. He couldn't bring himself to put his other thoughts down on paper. Thankfully, the witch kept sending him letters as time wore on.
During Harry's second year, around Christmas time, Remus nearly bumped into Nymphadora Tonks in the middle of Diagon Alley. He'd caught her scent as he rounded a corner, and Moony was insistent that they follow it. Blueberries and chocolate, and the unsealed bond in Remus's chest scalded his insides momentarily as it re-asserted its presence.
Remus caught sight of her in the distance. She was backing him, her cropped, bubblegum pink hair covered in a dusting of snow. She was animatedly talking with two older wizards that he recognised as Aurors; they were wearing the same garments James and Sirius once had. Nymphadora's plum, Auror-in-training robes billowed about in the Winter's frigid breeze that was slicing at Remus's cheeks. The desperation had faded, and a calmness overtook his senses.
Remus smiled to himself, glad that she was safe, and seemingly happy from the glimpse of a smile he caught as she turned on a side to greet someone approaching her group. Remus quickly determined his business in Diagon Alley was not urgent, and he apparated away without a second thought.
The young witch's brow furrowed and she whirled around, a hand held to her chest as she stared at the empty, snow-covered street. She noted the footprints that ended abruptly, and her frown deepened. An inexplicable sense of loss rattled around in her chest. Tonks pursed her lips, and with a shake of her head turned back to her colleagues.
Remus thought it was a dream when Dumbledore offered him a position as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Remus couldn't fathom that it was actually happening. He was going back home, or the closest place to it since Lily and James's passing. The most important thing was that he was going to meet Harry. Finally, after all these years, he would be reunited with the Little Fawn. Minerva had described Harry in his letters, and he'd cobbled together a mental image, but he doubted it did the actual boy any justice.
A tinge of sadness brushed over Remus's euphoria at their upcoming reunion when he considered that Harry would think of him as a stranger.
Remus understood why Dumbledore was suddenly asking him to be a Professor after years of no contact. Sirius had escaped Azkaban, and Dumbledore wanted someone who knew Sirius around, who he knew would protect Harry at whatever cost. Remus was no fool, but he gladly accepted in spite of Dumbledore's manipulation.
Wednesday, September 1st, 1993 was a full moon. Despite that, Remus insisted he was fine to take the Hogwarts Express, which was against Poppy Pomfrey and Minnie's recommendations. Remus was exhausted beyond belief, the sounds of the train and the numerous students were clamorous and overwhelming, but he grit his teeth and bore it because if there was even a chance he would see Harry, he was going to take it. They'd been kept apart unjustly for years.
Remus found a solitary compartment, settled himself in the corner and thrust his cloak over his eyes. Trying to diminish the sensory overload as much as possible. He was exhausted, and just about to slip into unconsciousness when the compartment door opened and he heard a trio of voices as students cautiously entered the compartment with him.
It had been years, but throughout it all, Harry's scent stayed the same. It was reminiscent of his Father's but with hints of cherry. Fate had brought them together, and Remus didn't want to frighten them, so he pretended to be asleep.
A female voice read Remus's name aloud from his briefcase, and he frowned slightly. The voice reminded of his past, and nostalgia punched his gut.
"Here you go," a witch said with a broad grin, holding out a chocolate frog in his direction. Dark curls, hazel eyes, warmth exuded from her, and chamomile and vanilla spun around the compartment. Remus tried to recall the witch's face, but then the interaction slipped from his mind, but the scent lingered. His mind was tied in knots, and the full moon's affects were only getting worse by the moment. He was nauseous, and his heart was pounding. Eventually, Remus fell asleep even though he battled to stay awake.
Remus woke to an oppressive cold whose claws dug through his flesh, and chilled him to the bone. Remus woke to the girl screaming. Remus flew up, wand drawn, and he caught sight of the figure floating in a ragged, dark cloak, with its bony, spindly with sharp nails hovering over Harry, sucking silvery bits of his soul from him.
"Expecto Patronum!" Remus drew on the feeling he'd had around Lily and James: on days where they ran through the Castle and got up to all kinds of tomfoolery, to Lily in the kitchen singing under her breath as she baked, or simply James's laugh. Remus thought of his family, of his pack, and a silvery wolf burst forth and batted the Dementor into the train's corridor. The creature screamed horrifically, as if scalded and it hurriedly retreated out of the train.
Teaching was extremely rewarding, he felt as if he was imparting useful information to the next generation in an engaging fashion, and they seemed to be highly receptive of his teaching methods. It was more fulfilling than he'd anticipated, and he was saddened by the idea that there was a curse on the position, and he most likely wouldn't be teaching again the following year.
At first, Remus kept a respectful distance from Harry, content to observe him from afar. There were a few gestures he made that were reminiscent of his parents, but he had a horde of idiosyncrasies that distinguished him as his own person that Remus enjoyed picking up on.
October thirty-first was always a difficult day for Remus, but as Harry could not go to Hogsmeade with his peers, he ended staying in the Castle. The boy was wandering the Castle listlessly when he passed by Remus's door. Remus called out to him before he knew what he was doing.
Remus wasn't sure what they should talk about as he'd never been alone with Harry like this before, so he tried a safe topic. The Grindylow that had just been delivered for his next class. The conversation soon shifted to Harry's boggart.
Severus came in during the middle of their conversation to deliver Remus's Wolfsbane potion. Remus dreaded the taste just by the sight of it. Remus recalled having Wolfsbane potion that wasn't nearly as horrid on the way down, but he couldn't recollect where he'd acquired it from.
Regardless, his conversation over a cup of tea with Harry was brilliant in his estimation, and he hadn't blurted out anything embarrassing like how proud he was of him, or how much he'd missed him. It was the happiest he'd been in years, and he was glad he hadn't mucked it up.
The Halloween feast was delicious, and Remus attempted to distract himself by chatting with his fellow Professors about any and everything. He had a particularly interesting talk with Filius about some of the charmwork that could be applied to harmlessly subdue a Grindylow (excluding the stunning charm).
Remus's mood soured when he learned that Sirius'd broken into the Castle. Remus's former friend had attacked the Fat Lady's portrait because she wouldn't let him into Gryffindor Tower without a password. Even as Remus searched the Castle with the other Professors, he knew it was futile. Sirius was long gone, they may be estranged, but Remus was sure he would have sensed him through their fractured bond.
The students were slumbering in the Great Hall under the watchful eye of the Head Boy and Girl, and the Prefects. Remus had no doubt that they were safe. The timing of Sirius's 'attack' was no coincidence.
Sirius waited until everyone was at the Halloween Feast to break in, what exactly is he doing? Remus thought, baffled by the current circumstances. It made no sense. Remus knew exactly how Sirius'd gotten into the Castle, but he didn't volunteer up the information. He wasn't sure why, but he simply didn't.
Remus was abundantly aware that Severus felt he'd played some part in Sirius getting into the Castle. As a result, the mild contempt he'd treated him with since the school year began grew more prominent after Halloween. Remus swore the Wolfsbane potion tasted even more foul than before.
In spite of his ability to go down to Hogsmeade village whenever he pleased, he waited until the second official Hogsmeade trip to visit. He intently made for Honeydukes and set about re-stocking his supply. His salary as a Hogwarts Professor was quite generous, which he hadn't been expecting, but he was grateful all the same.
Something strange happened as he was paying for his purchases. An unknown bond in his chest crackled to life, and warmth spread to his fingertips. Perplexed, Remus accepted the paper bag full of his confectionery, and strolled out into the snow. The shoppe's bell rang at the top of the door as he left.
Remus was being tugged in the direction of what he thought was a cloaked figure striding purposefully away from Honeydukes, but then Hermione Granger crossed in front of him with Ron Weasley. Remus blinked blankly as his gaze followed the pair of them; they were arguing about Ron's rat, Scabbers and Hermione's cat, Crookshanks. Even after teaching Hermione for months, she never ceased to puzzle him. The teenage girl was so familiar to him and it was bizarre.
There was a peculiar feeling whenever he was around her or Draco Malfoy. Which only served to baffle him further. The pair couldn't be more different, yet he felt connected to them. Some crucial piece was missing from the picture.
Another bewildering aspect of their 'connection' was that it felt oddly like something he hadn't experienced in years—the call of the pack. A disconcerting thought as it made no logical sense.
Occasionally during his classes he would catch Draco's eyes, and the cold iron melted into warmth and sparked with mirth. Remus would blink, and any semblance of tenderness vanished from the boy. He never seemed pleased to be in Remus's class, even though his assignments and the questions he would infrequently throw out in a dismissive fashion indicated otherwise.
The rest of the school year skipped along merrily for the most part. Remus began giving Harry lessons to cast the Patronus charm, and his progress was extremely impressive. It was a spell that a great deal of talented wizards struggled to cast. Truthfully, because it was an abstract kind of magic, not everyone could cast a corporeal one. It was only tested theoretically in school.
The first session was the hardest, as Harry had heard James's voice, he'd heard James in his final moments. Unintentionally, Remus revealed that they'd been friends at school, as if that even began to cover his relationship with James. Harry brought up Sirius, and Remus shut down. He couldn't talk to Harry about Sirius, he simply couldn't.
At the beginning of February, Sirius breached the Castle once more, but this time he triumphed and got past the Fat Lady's portrait. Neville had written down the passwords on a piece of parchment, misplaced it, and was lambasted by Minerva as a result.
The odd part was Sirius hadn't gone for Harry's bed, he went for Ron's. The other Professors stated that he'd gotten the wrong bed, but Remus knew better. Sirius's keen sense of smell wouldn't have led him astray. He'd gotten the right bed, but what in Merlin's name could he want with Ron?
It was a Hogsmeade weekend, and Remus was lounging around his chambers, reading and grading the second year's essays they'd just handed in when Severus Snape's head abruptly appeared in his fireplace surrounded by green flames. The man was summoning him; an unusual situation. The severity of Severus's tone and pallor of his face, spoke volumes of the seriousness of the circumstances.
Remus was astonished to find out that Harry was in possession of the Marauders Map. An item that was confiscated by Filch on their final day at Hogwarts. Remus recalled the boys arguing about the Map, and it being misplaced, but he couldn't put his finger on how Filch had gotten it.
He confiscated the Map from Harry. It was too dangerous for Harry to be running around freely under his Father's Invisibility Cloak with the aid of his Father's Map. Or perhaps that's just what Remus told himself to justify taking the Map from the boy. Truthfully, James would have handed it down to Harry if he could have, or he would have given him a world of hints about the item in Filch's office.
Remus took to observing the Map occasionally, checking on various people's movements, and waiting to see if Sirius would break in again. However, a surprising development occurred one afternoon. Buckbeak was meant to be executed that evening, and Remus was paying close attention to Harry, Ron and Hermione's movements. As he suspected, they went down to Hagrid's Hut. However, what he wasn't expecting to see was Peter Pettigrew's name attached to Ron's.
Remus noticed Sirius's name, and the group was moving from the Whomping Willow towards the Shrieking Shack. The wizard swore under his breath, and in his panicked state, he forgot to take tonight's dose of Wolfsbane potion. Remus sprinted out of the room, clutching his wand fearfully, gulping in air as he bolted through the Castle as if he was sixteen again.
The truth tumbled out into the open. Peter was alive. Peter was alive, and he was the one who had betrayed their friends. Then framed Sirius for the deed. Sirius was never the Secret Keeper, a fact Dumbledore was abundantly aware of. If Remus didn't already dislike the man before, he now loathed him with unrivalled fervour. He detested him. He'd let an innocent man rot in Azkaban for over a decade.
There were a few occasions where Sirius peered at Hermione with a curious look. As if he was trying to figure out a complex problem, but his attentions were quickly grasped by the issue at hand; Peter.
Things didn't go according to plan. Harry thought they would be no better than Pettigrew if they killed him, and that they should use him to clear Sirius's name. It was a fair idea, but something didn't sit right with Remus. Shortly thereafter, the full moon rose, and Remus swore mentally as he recalled that he'd missed today's dose. He didn't remember much after that.
Inevitably, Severus outed Remus as a werewolf to the School's board and anyone who would listen. Predictably, most of the student's parents didn't wish a 'monster' to continue teaching their children, and the fact that he had been their teacher in the first place was an egregious crime.
Remus quit before he could be sacked, and in his final goodbye with Harry, he gave him back the Marauders Map. He was leaving a piece of himself behind with the boy, hoping it would help him in his future adventures. He hoped that Harry's subsequent school years would be less eventful than the prior ones, but he doubted it.
The moment Remus returned to Lupin Den, he smelt cinnamon and leather, and Buckbeak was asleep under the lonely tree several feet away from the house. Remus smiled softly at the sight. The warmth of his pack bond with Sirius was steadily burning in his chest. Remus clutched his belongings and heaved them towards the house. The door burst open, and Sirius placed a hand on either side of the door frame and stared openly at Remus approaching.
"I'd ask you to help, but you look like your arm might snap if you lift anything too heavy," Remus said as he neared his friend. Sirius narrowed his eyes, and scowled at the comment, but there was a mirth trapped in his eyes.
"You're a riot, Moony," Sirius drawled lazily. Remus dropped his bags on the ground beside him, and exhaled sharply.
Sirius had clearly made himself at home. His wavy hair that ended by his elbows was still wet from a shower. Sirius had painstakingly unknotted it (it was no longer matted and dinghy). Sirius had also changed into one of Remus's black t-shirts that hung loosely off of his frame—Sirius's collarbones jutted out sharply—and a pair of Remus's dark grey sweatpants. His feet were bare, and Remus noted how skeletal Sirius's feet looked. His face was gaunt, narrower than it used to be; it almost looked like a skull.
Any suffering Remus had endured paled in comparison in the face of the blatant physical decay Sirius had undergone. He looked like a walking, talking corpse.
As Sirius spoke, a bit of colour tinged his cheeks, and Remus was grateful for it. "Jokes aside, we have to talk." Remus didn't like the sound of that, but he nodded his head slowly. Sirius turned and headed back into the house. Remus gathered his things, inhaled deeply, breathed out in a steadying fashion, and followed after Sirius.
Over the years, Remus Lupin had gotten adept at avoiding areas where he knew Nymphadora Tonks frequented. He couldn't recall the last time he'd graced the Ministry of Magic with his presence. However, he kept his ear to the ground in an attempt to hear even a snippet of news about her. Remus was content to know she was safe. Moony was not.
It was the beginning of July, and Remus was intently scanning the Daily Prophet's pages when he spotted a short article about this year's new additions to the Department of Magical Enforcement. There was a collection of pictures—only a couple inches wide and a few inches tall—of the newly minted Aurors. Their names and a short description about them were beside each person's photograph. Remus re-read Nymphadora's five times before he blushed and realised what he was doing.
Harry's fourth year was wrought with endless worry. Remus devoured the articles even though most of it was hogwash written by Rita Skeeter. He wasn't fond of her writing, and he despised the way she wrote about Harry and Hermione.
After the first fortnight he'd spent with Remus, Sirius left on Buckbeak in the middle of the night, jotted down a brief note that he left on the kitchen table. He didn't want to stay in one place for too long, and soon the Aurors would most likely knock on Remus's door and ask him questions about Sirius. The fact that they hadn't already was strange.
Sirius stayed on the run for a year. Staying as close to Harry as he could whilst the boy participated in the Triwizard tournament. Sirius kept Remus informed on what he knew through letters that were delivered by all sorts of exotic birds. It brightened Remus's day a touch whenever a letter would arrive. He vaguely recalled a letter being delivered by a toucan years prior, but the letter's contents and its sender were a mystery he couldn't unravel.
Voldemort returned.
The month after Voldemort returned was fraught with stress, and creeping dread in his gut. It was something he'd feared tremendously. Scenes from the last wizarding war played in his night terrors, and he oft woke in a cold sweat, tangled in his sheets, his heart galloping in his throat.
Dumbledore wished to gather the living members of the Order of the Phoenix and resurrect their coalition. Remus distrusted the man, but knew he was their best option for making it out of the upcoming war alive. He was the lesser of two evils.
Dumbledore appeared on Remus's doorstep out-of-the-blue, politely asked him to owl Sirius, and request the use of Grimmauld Place as the new Headquarters for the Order. Sirius showed up a few days later on Buckbeak's back. He was still too thin, but he'd gained some weight, and that was a relief.
Remus floo'd Dumbledore, and fifteen minutes later they were all sitting around Remus's kitchen table, sipping peppermint tea and stewing in awkward, uncomfortable silence. Sirius shattered it with a metaphorical sledgehammer, and hurled colourful profanity at Dumbledore.
Albus serenely sipped his tea, and smiled at Sirius over the brim of his teacup. "So, that's a yes then?"
Sirius's jaw clenched, and he gripped the edges of the table until his knuckles went white. "You can shove your demands right up your pious, conniving arse."
Remus hummed under his breath and continued to drink his tea. He wasn't going to defend Dumbledore, nor was he going to dissuade Sirius from his language towards the man. Any respect he had for his former Headmaster was withering into non-being.
It was a terse afternoon of negotiation, but eventually Dumbledore convinced Sirius to return to Grimmauld Place so it could become their base of operations. Of course, Sirius was also meant to remain within its grim confines. Dumbledore may have slipped Harry's name into several talking points, and begrudgingly, Sirius agreed to Dumbledore's requests. Although he had some of his own.
Remus and Sirius moved in first. The Weasleys came to stay shortly thereafter. Molly Weasley let out a shriek that rattled the walls when she first saw Sirius, and her wand was aimed at him in seconds. Dumbledore stepped in to calm the woman, and Remus scoffed softly. It was a situation that could have been easily avoided if Dumbledore warned the family about Sirius's presence, or bothered to explain how Sirius was imprisoned wrongfully.
Hermione Granger arrived in the second week of July. She arrived just as they began to purge Grimmauld Place of its gloomy decor, and set about cleaning years of grime and dust that'd built up whilst it'd been vacant.
(Mad-Eye and Kingsley had swept the place for dark artifacts or anything harmful right after Sirius and Remus moved in.)
In an act of defiance, Sirius had given Buckbeak free reign of Walburga and Orion's rooms. As much as he despised the woman, Sirius liked to taunt her portrait, and thoroughly enjoyed informing her that a Hippogriff now occupied her bedroom. The portrait had screamed shrilly, and Sirius closed the curtains on it with a triumphant grin.
The connection that he'd previously felt in Hermione's presence had grown stronger, and he discovered it wasn't just him. Sirius cornered him one afternoon and asked about it.
"I may be truly going mad, but sometimes when I am around the girl, I feel a strange connection. As if the pack bond is being invoked. Please tell me I'm not going mad, Moony." Neither of them could explain it, but they found comfort in the fact that they weren't alone.
Around midday on a sweltering day in late July, Nymphadora Tonks showed up on Grimmauld Place's doorstep. Moony was alert and causing a fuss the moment he caught a whiff of her scent. Remus hurried to the Foyer, heart in his mouth. Sirius was leaning against the front door's frame, laughing and talking to the young witch.
Remus's heart stuttered to a stop as he halted a few feet away. It was the closest they'd ever been, and he wanted the floor to swallow him whole. Foolishly he'd allowed his legs to move without thought, and now he was stuck in place. He could only partially make out her face from this angle.
"Moody sent you then?" Sirius asked.
"Sure did. He dragged me into his office, and briefed me on your situation. After he handed me a piece of paper, told me to memorise what was written there, then burnt it a few moments later." Why did her voice sound so nice? It was smooth but buoyant and her vowels rounded in a way he found enchanting.
Sirius moved out of the way, gestured into the house without looking away from his cousin and said, "I despise this house, it's bloody miserable here. I am pretty sure the place sucks the happiness out of your soul like a dementor if you stay here for too long, but you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like."
"Enchanting," Nymphadora hummed as she strolled into the house. She was gazing around when her eyes landed on Remus. Her head cocked to the side, and her lips tugged upwards at the corners as she stopped just shy of him and stared up at him. "Wotcher."
"Hi," Remus replied, his throat padded with cotton, and his tongue heavy. He peeked at Sirius, who was watching the interaction with far too much interest.
"Name's Tonks. And you are?" The witch asked, thrusting her hand out in his direction. Remus stared at it for five seconds longer than he should have before he hesitantly clasped her hand. She was incredibly warm, her hands calloused yet pleasant to hold. She pumped his hand twice, and withdrew her touch too soon for his liking.
"Remus Lupin," Remus said, barely audible. The woman's hair shifted from soft pink to baby blue in seconds, and she grinned toothily at him.
"Why do I feel like we've met before, Remus Lupin?"
"I think I'd remember meeting you," Remus blurted, and cringed as soon as the words fully exited his mouth. Tonks's smile brightened, and she lightly punched his arm.
"Well aren't you the charmer?"
Remus flushed pink, and Tonks's hair shifted to match. Remus gazed down into her warm, mischievous eyes, and in that moment he knew he was doomed.
Remus had to give credit where credit was due. For the entirety of Tonks's first visit, Sirius refrained from any suggestive commentary. Missus Weasley upon learning they had a guest insisted on whipping up a meal, and soon they were all gathered, breaking bread together.
Remus somehow managed to end up sandwiched between Tonks and Sirius. He resolutely focused on his food. Sirius's eyes were burning into the side of Remus's face, and occasionally he would talk to his cousin around his friend. He was thoroughly enjoying himself as he recounted a few embarrassing stories from their youth.
Sirius held his tongue for three days. On the fourth day, Remus rolled over in his bed, and came face-to-face with Sirius, who was grinning madly and said, "so you fancy Little Tonks do you?" Remus scowled and rolled away. He ducked his head under his pillow and groaned as Sirius began cackling to himself.
It wasn't until the following day that Remus revealed that Tonks was his mate. Sirius clapped his hands together and said, "oh, that is fucking brilliant."
Tonks's visits to Grimmauld Place increased in frequency. Once or twice she'd showed up during her lunch breaks, and brought food to share with Sirius and Remus. She claimed she wanted to get to know the only decent cousin she had.
One time Remus came home to find her throwing popcorn at Sirius's mouth across the living room. As a team they worked wonders, and she was precise with all of her throws. She cheered when the one she'd just thrown landed in Sirius's awaiting mouth. She jumped around gleefully.
Tonks noticed Remus hovering in the doorway. Her face lit up, and giddily she moved in his direction to greet him; her arms were outstretched. Remus unknowingly stepped forward into the room, and just before she reached him, her foot caught on the corner of the rug, and she tripped. Remus jumped towards her, and thanks to his quick reflexes, he caught Tonks just in time.
Remus was in no rush to relinquish his hold on her, and the scent of blueberries and chocolate that perpetually clung to her made his insides melt. A pretty blush overtook her cheeks, and Remus couldn't help staring at it. Godric, he was mesmerised by her.
An indescribable calm settled inside him. Tonks stuttered out her thanks, and slowly extracted herself from his grasp. Remus mourned the loss, and Moony was in the back of his mind, insisting he do something, but he ignored the wolf.
Nymphadora Tonks brightened up Grimmauld Place in an effortless fashion; her aura flooded their glum surroundings. She was so bright, and he knew that he could never expect her to be interested in him, and if she was, he couldn't force his condition or his unfortunate circumstance on her. Moony did not approve of that line of thinking.
After that day, on multiple occasions, she would pass extremely close to him. Sometimes the backs of their hands would brush, or she would affectionately bump into him. Remus had to hold himself back from possessively pushing her up against a wall and claiming her as his. A tentative friendship was forming between them. She was wholly unaware of their bond, and thankfully Sirius hadn't seen fit to meddle.
Sunday, August 6th, 1995, a group of them went to pick Harry up from Number Five Privet Drive. Far too many of them if anyone bothered to ask Remus's opinion. However, no one did, so he didn't offer his thoughts to the room of Order members as the plans for Harry's extraction were discussed.
They'd begun holding Order meetings in the past week. The first of which was overwhelmingly tense as Sirius and Severus glared daggers at each other across the table. Sirius adamantly demanded to know why Snape was in attendance, and Dumbledore revealed Severus's spy status. Sirius was far from pleased, but he made no further comments during that meeting.
Thankfully, picking up Harry went according to plan and they didn't run into any problems. The flight from Privet Drive to Islington was frigid, and Mad-Eye forced them to take seven or eight turns too many due to his paranoia, but Remus didn't mind. (The man had a right to be so wary, and it'd kept him and a significant number of the Aurors he'd trained alive.)
Remus was overjoyed to see Harry again, but he could see from the boy's eyes that something had shifted in him. His eyes were brimming with confusion, happiness, and anger. It was an odd combination, but after the hell he'd endured a few months ago, Remus wasn't surprised. He regretted not hugging Harry upon seeing him, even though the gesture most likely wouldn't lighten the load weighing down on the boy.
Harry flew into Sirius's arms when he saw him, and Remus smiled at that. A tiny part of him was envious that Harry did not view him through the same affectionate lens, but he tried not to linger on those feelings.
Tonks tugged on his coat's sleeve. The witch was standing closely behind him, her body's warmth radiating onto him. Remus twisted his head to peer at her with a quirked brow. "He cares about you as well. I could see it in the way he looked at you earlier. He also respects you a lot."
"You're very kind to say that, Nymphadora," Remus said with a teasing smile. Her hair flashed bright red for a moment, and she glared at him, her bottom lip jutting out. She was adorable whenever she got all worked up.
"That's the second time you've called me that today, you're doing it on purpose now!" She hissed at him, baring her pearly whites.
"I can't call you Tonks. Everyone calls you that."
All the ire melted out of the witch in a flash. She pursed her lips pensively, and it was only then that Remus noted she was still grasping his sleeve. "You're right. Fine, I'll allow you to call me, Dora. Only Charlie and my parents call me that."
"Dora?"
"I remember a trip to Diagon Alley when I was younger, there was a snowy owl, and a pretty lady with dark curls. I don't remember much more than that, but after that Mum and Dad started calling me Dora. It was the only thing I answered to." Tonks shrugged.
Remus recalled the trip she was speaking of, it was the first time he'd ever seen her. Someone had whisked him away before he made an absolute fool of himself. Remus tried to think about who it was, or even about the curly-haired witch from Tonks's story, but he drew a blank.
Tonks gasped excitedly, and bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. "If you get to call me Dora. Is there some sort of nickname I can call you? Blimey! How about Remmy?"
"If you call me Remmy, I swear to Circe I will never speak to you again," Remus said, mouth twisted in distaste at the horrid nickname. Tonks tugged on Remus's sleeve, and the pair strolled further into the house, leaving the band of wix behind.
"So what should I call you?" Tonks asked, and the pair paused in the middle of a dimly lit, narrow hallway. There were no portraits here, and it led to an infrequently used part of the house. They were alone for now. They faced one another, and Tonks reached up to grasp the lapels of his coat. She was rocking back and forth absently. Brow furrowed in contemplation as she considered nicknames.
"You could call me, Moony?" Remus suggested.
It wasn't the first time Tonks had heard the nickname, Sirius alternated between it and Remus's given name often. "Did Sirius and them give that nickname to you when you were teenagers?"
"Yes," Remus said simply.
Tonks was stroking the fabric of his shabby, patched coat and staring intently at the centre of his chest. Her spiky, bubblegum pink hair grew until it reached her shoulders, and then it sprang up and formed loose, corkscrew-like curls.
"Dora?"
"Moony," Tonks said slowly, and a wistful smile slowly worked its way onto her face. She shook her head, and tilted her head back to look at him. "I like it."
Remus cleared his throat, and placed his hands over hers. He heard her heart skip a beat, and he froze. Tonks's eyes darkened, and she pressed herself up against the front of him. Remus wanted her, he wanted to claim her as his, and just when he was pondering saying fuck it, a massive dog Patronus—a grim—appeared beside them and began to speak.
"Moony, Little Tonks, I don't know where you are, but there's a meeting going on, and your presence is required."
"Bollocks," Tonks muttered. The witch tangled their fingers together—as if it was the most natural thing in the world—and she dragged him back from whence they came. Remus couldn't stop smiling.
Remus thoroughly enjoyed spending time with Tonks. She came into his life like a tornado. He was consumed by her easy manner, her clumsiness, and her bright laughter. He picked up on little things about her the longer they spent time together. She scoped out every room she entered, and she knew every exit within moments. She changed her facial features randomly because she could.
One time when they'd gone to the Leaky to grab a bite during her lunch break (as he was absorbed in his tomato soup) she tapped him on the shoulder to grab his attention. He looked over to find her staring at him with a pig snout, her chin propped up in her hands. He'd almost choked.
Remus was falling for Nymphadora Tonks in ways that had nothing to do with their bond. The more time passed, the harder it was to resist pinning her up against a wall and kissing her until she was breathless. Merlin, the things he wanted to do with her.
Voldemort was back, and he was amassing power once more. It was obvious to anyone who paid attention. Harry's letters to Sirius reveal a different breed of evil had darkened Hogwarts halls; Dolores Umbridge. Tonks was surprised by the open disdain he showed for the woman until she learned what she'd done. Cold fury smoothed over Tonks's features, and she hugged him fiercely. She swore that the woman would get what was coming to her.
Remus's happier than he's been in years with Sirius and Harry back in his life. And Nymphadora Tonks gave him hope that maybe everything will work out in the end this time. He's happy just being close to her, he's happy being her friend. He wanted more, but he knew if she wasn't willing to reciprocate those feelings, he would be content to go on as they have been. He dreaded the day she found a suitor, but he'd cross that bridge when it came to it.
With Tonks around, and with part of his pack back to spend Full Moons with, it's like he can breathe again.
Tonks caught him off-guard in the middle of December. It was a snowy evening. The Muggle's gaiety that coincided with the proximity of Christmas, could vaguely be heard throughout the house as the Muggles frolicked outside. For months, they'd been doing an intricate dance. Remus wanted her, and it became clear that she wanted him back, but neither of them made a move. Until Tonks corned him in a quiet part of the house, and she conjured some magical mistletoe above them. (She'd gotten Sirius's help with the charmwork.)
Remus let out a soft breath of laughter as the spell washed over him and took effect. Remus reminisced on when they'd conjured them around Hogwarts in their Second year. "So you've been talking to Sirius then?"
Tonks gripped him by the collar, and tugged him down to her. They were a breath away from one another, and her fingers wrapped around fistfuls of his black, cotton, long-sleeved shirt. "Stop talking," she demanded lowly, and she kissed him.
They'd had one argument a couple weeks prior when Tonks had attempted to kiss him, and he'd stopped her. He cussed himself out over it later. He told her that he was too old, and she deserved more than him. She told him she didn't care, she wanted him. Werewolf or not, poor or not, and she didn't give a shite about their age gap.
They hadn't talked for a week, but eventually they made up, but there was a physical, unspoken barrier between them that Remus had erected. He didn't want to, but he thought he had to. Godric, he loved her. She was clumsy, loyal, and dammit was she stubborn.
Remus relaxed instantly into the kiss, and he shoved all his negative thoughts to the deep recesses of his mind. He played with her soft pink hair, and kissed her slowly. Savouring the moment. He let her taste engulf him; she tasted like blueberry pie. How utterly ridiculous. She bloody smelt like blueberries and chocolate; she had no right to smell or taste as good as she did.
Dora pressed her body against his, her softness was intoxicating, her curves filled his hand. Remus picked her up by the underside of her thighs, and pushed her against the nearest wall. Tonks's legs wrapped around his waist, and her mouth parted as he bit her lip. Remus could spend a lifetime snogging Nymphadora Tonks.
Dora was cradling his face, and he pulled back enough to look into her eyes. They were panting softly. Her eyes had shifted to match his—gold with amber flecks—and he saw the possessiveness held within them, and noted the tight hold she had on him.
"I have to tell you something—"
"No talking, you'll ruin it," Tonks whispered tenderly, her hand shifting so her thumb was stroking his bottom lip.
"Sorry, love. This can't wait." Remus confessed, and Tonks's brow knitted together curiously.
Remus placed her down on her feet, but the length of their bodies were still brushing against one another, and his hands were on either side of her, caging her in. Remus inhaled deeply, and kissed his teeth together as he mulled over the best way to broach the werewolf mate topic.
"How much do you know about werewolves?"
"Not as much as I would like admittedly. Especially considering I am dating one," Tonks said. She scrunched up her nose in thought.
Remus's eyes widened at her latter statement. "We're dating, are we?"
"I don't snog just anyone, Remus. And I'd like to think we're dating, even if we haven't put an official title on this relationship—"
"You're my mate." Remus said without an ounce of finesse, and he winced as Tonks's eyes flew open, and she jabbed a finger into his chest.
"Your mate? I hope you don't go around snogging all your mates—"
"Ah, fuck. Not like that," Remus interjected, his face scrunched up in embarrassment, and he was squinting at her. His cheeks dusted pink. "You know about soul bonds?"
"Vaguely?"
"Same concept, but applied to werewolves. It's extremely rare that a werewolf finds their true mate, but it's essentially the person they are 'meant to be' with. Their compatibility, magical and otherwise—"
It was her turn to cut him off, "wait. Wait. Like a soulmate, the same basic definition and all it entails?"
"Something like that," Remus responded, averting his gaze.
There were a few drawn-out seconds before Tonks swatted his front and exclaimed, "I'm your mate?!"
"Yes."
"How long have you known?"
Remus deliberated over whether he should lie about exactly when, but he realised that wasn't what he wanted from their relationship. So even though it was uncomfortable, and he didn't wish to share the information, he did. "Remember that story, about when you started being called Dora? I was in Diagon Alley that day, and I found out then."
Remus extracted himself from her grasp, and put an arm's length of distance between them. The gold faded from his eyes until all that was left was hazel and sadness. Tonks took a step towards him, and he raised his hand.
"I had to tell you before we go any further, but, I don't want you to think you are obligated to be with me. You have a choice, Dora." Just because he didn't, because she was everything he could have ever wanted, didn't mean he had to force the same fate on her.
Remus didn't want to drag her into his shite life, where his house had a leaky roof, and he couldn't find a job because of his condition. (Sirius had been granted access to his vaults through Dumbledore, as the man had convinced the gobins to overlook Sirius's status as a felon. Sirius was currently financially supporting Remus, a fact he detested, but Sirius had convinced him to swallow his pride after several lengthy conversations.)
Dora deserved more than him. And thus, he left. A few more words passed between them, but Remus panicked and apparated away in the middle of a sentence.
Remus landed in Lupin Den, drained from the long-distance travel, and his mind whirring at a dizzying rate. Before he could study what he was doing, he'd penned a letter to Dumbledore, requesting a meeting. It was foolish, but he volunteered for any of the long-term, lethal missions available. He needed to put as much distance between him and Dora as possible.
Remus couldn't be trusted to control himself around her. He wanted her, and for him it was a permanent situation, and once he claimed her as his, there was no going back. She would be stuck with him forever, and he didn't wish to impose such finality on her life at such a young age. So he ran away. A cowardly act that he rationalised was gallant in some aspects, or at least those were the lies he told himself.
Months passed arduously like that, and on the rare occasion he would stay at Grimmauld Place when he wasn't on missions. Tonks didn't come round as much anymore, aside from when there were Order meetings. He hadn't seen her since that fateful evening.
Remus had been back from his last mission for over a week, and there were no plans for him to leave in the foreseeable future. Remus's last mission was perilous, and he hadn't thought he would survive. He knew that he needed to talk to Tonks, so they could sort through everything properly. He loved her, and he wanted to try to let her love him back.
It was a late Monday afternoon, and Remus was in the sitting room, massaging his sore left shoulder as he perused a novel he'd picked up off of the shelf. Remus turned the page, and a sudden burst of green flames came from the fireplace, and Harry's disembodied head appeared.
Harry wished to speak to Sirius as well, so Remus hurried to find his best mate. A couple minutes later they were standing in front of their friend's son, listening to him recount a tale of days long gone. Harry had somehow borne witness to one of the most shameful moments in the Marauders' past.
Why couldn't he have seen any of James's good moments, Remus groaned internally. Though, it wasn't surprising considering it was Snape's memories he'd traipsed through without authorisation.
"And," said Harry doggedly, "he kept looking over at the girls by the lake, hoping they were watching him!"
Remus frowned, there was another reason why James was looking over there. He knew we were going to get in trouble if she noticed. Remus rubbed at his temple, trying to place the warm, hazel eyes and familiar voice in his head. However, it faded as soon as Sirius spoke.
"Oh well, he always made a fool of himself whenever Lily was around," said Sirius, shrugging. "He couldn't stop himself showing off whenever he got near her."
No, that wasn't it, Remus thought, perplexed. It was as if that moment in their lives had been drastically changed. Besides, it had all started because Snape provoked James and Sirius and threatened to reveal Remus's condition to everyone.
"How come she married him?" Harry asked miserably, "She hated him!"
"Nah, she didn't," said Sirius. There was a sadness to Sirius's statement, and his lips tugged upwards in a feeble attempt.
Remus drifted away into his memories. Lily and James making amends during their Sixth Year, and their flirtation that began almost instantly in their Seventh Year. Late nights where they studied together, the casual way Lily would always try to be near James, so their hands might brush or their elbows would bump. Not to mention everything that followed after. The love they held for each other was beautiful, and a marvel to see unfold and grow over the years.
Remus found himself unable to articulate all of that, so he simply said, "she started going out with him in seventh year," said Lupin.
"Once James had deflated his head a bit," said Sirius.
"And stopped hexing people for the fun of it," said Lupin.
Eventually the echo of footsteps on Harry's end cut their conversation short, and the two men were left to think about their school days and that unfortunate summer evening. Memories of two disappointed friends surfaced, although Remus couldn't see their faces nor put his finger on their names. The thought vanished without a trace.
As Remus's luck would have it, Dora decided to visit Grimmauld Place that same evening. She stormed into the room, and Sirius hastily ducked out of it. Normally he would stay for the show, but he opted to give them their privacy.
They went in circles over the same points as before. Tonks's hair was mousey brown, shoulder-length and limp, however as they argued, it perked up until it shifted into platinum blonde curls that fell midway down her back, and her eyes were molten silver.
"You need to let her in when the time is right. Remus, promise me you will. You need to. Trust me, even if you run away from her, she'll figure it out. She's your mate." He knew the voice whispering in his ear but he could not place it. The sad undertones of her words were not lost on him. "Did we love you enough, Remus?"
Yes, Remus thought unwittingly, and then Tonks let out a loud noise in frustration, and the other witch's words were sucked into a whirlpool in his mind.
"I love you," Remus said. He knew the words themselves weren't enough, he knew he'd caused her to suffer in his absence. He saw how his sudden abandonment had negatively affected her, and he was fucking idiot. He surged forward, scooped her up into his arms, and apologised profusely. Tonks hesitantly gripped his jumper, and buried her face into the side of his neck.
"I love you, and I am so, so sorry," Remus said, realising that his self-loathing had heavily impacted the very person he'd sought to protect. The two of them fit, she loved him despite his faults, and she showed him not only with words, but with her actions that she saw him for who he was, and she loved all of him.
It took a few weeks of needed, healthy dialogue as they discussed their relationship, the expectations from both sides, and their future. They were taking it day-by-day, slowly repairing their bond.
Tonks began staying over at Grimmauld Place. Occasionally, Remus would wake up in the middle of the night to find the warm witch wrapped around him, her head on his chest. Her soft breathing brought him immense comfort and calmed him when he would wake up from a nightmare.
One Saturday morning in Spring, the crisp breeze whistled through the small space where Remus's bedroom window was cracked open. Remus woke up to Tonks on top of him, kissing down the side of his neck, and when he met her eye, she whispered, "I'm ready." Remus didn't need to ask her what she meant, he understood immediately.
Over breakfast a couple hours later, Tonks excitedly showed Sirius the bite mark on her right hip that had already healed; it seemingly shimmered gold. Remus rolled his eyes as Sirius slipped off his shirt, and pointed at the silvery pink scar on his shoulder. They were like children about to go on a rollercoaster, arms full of candy.
Despite the war, Remus's life had settled into a tentative serenity. Sirius was going stir crazy being trapped in the house, so once a week Remus would take him for a walk as Padfoot around the Neighbourhood. Sometimes Tonks joined them, but often, it was just time for Remus and Sirius to exist without the burdens of the war.
The Hogwarts school year was nearing its end, and Remus and Sirius discussed proposing to Dumbledore that Harry came to live with them at Grimmauld Place from now on. Dumbledore didn't even try to hear them out, he refused outright. The man said that Lily's sacrifice meant Harry was safest at Privet Drive with the Dursleys, as the familial magic was linked to them.
Not even a week later, they received news that Harry and his friends had broken into the Department of Mysteries; it was pure bedlam as they rushed there. If the Death Eaters knew Harry was heading to the DoM, they would surely follow. They would never miss out on such a promising opportunity.
Remus almost lost Sirius. The mere thought of his life without Sirius in it was crippling. Bellatrix sent a Stupefy at her cousin that would have sent him into the Veil, however it missed him by a fraction of an inch.
Voldemort's movements were more clinical and organised this time around; this war was like a sudden frost that crawled over their society. After Voldemort's appearance at the Ministry, Fudge was forced to step down, and it went downhill from there. The Dark Lord sank his fangs into the Ministry, slowly taking over from the inside.
Unfortunately, Harry went back to the Dursleys, no matter how much Sirius and Remus protested. Remus worried endlessly about Tonks given her place in the Ministry, but he also trusted in her abilities, and knew that she was highly capable of protecting herself. It went against every instinct inside of him as he watched her walk out the door every morning.
Shortly into September, Harry owled Sirius; his letter loaded with concern. Harry was insistent that Draco Malfoy was a Death Eater, or would soon become one. Harry was positive that he was following in his Father's footsteps. However, there was always doubt in Remus's mind of that possibility. The concept alone didn't sit right with him. Which was strange as it made perfect, logical sense.
And time passed as it did, and as it would continue to do.
Dumbledore died. Severus had been the one to land the final blow, but it was Draco Malfoy who let the Death Eaters into Hogwarts. Harry hadn't wished to talk much about the events he'd witnessed from the hiding spot Dumbledore had stashed him in. However, he revealed that Voldemort had tasked Draco with killing Dumbledore, and finding a way for his people to breach the Castle.
Wizarding Britain was once more fully thrust into war. Thus ensued a year of living hell: of death, of pain, of agony and more loss. It however did bring Remus some good things, he now had a wife and a son. Something he never thought he would have. In the beginning, he panicked and tried to join Harry on the mission Dumbledore had tasked him with. Harry quickly talked some sense into him.
The Order members and their allies trudged through the war, their numbers not as great as the other side, but they kept their heads above the sludge and they kept going. Until, they prevailed. They won.
The first few weeks, Remus didn't know what to do with himself, neither did Sirius. So the pair of them set about fixing Lupin Den so that it wasn't only habitable, but pleasant to live in. Soon, the home was filled with quiet happiness. Often, Remus would stride into a room and find Tonks swaying around with Teddy, and the boy's eyes were amber, and his hair a flaming blue.
Yet, it never seemed complete, whole. There were missing pieces.
The odd feeling he got around Hermione got increasingly stronger, and it was almost frightening how drawn he was to the younger witch. It was unlike anything he'd ever experienced.
Then, the first of December arrived. Sirius was banging on his door and making a lot of racket. Teddy started wailing in return. Groggily, Remus unwrapped himself from around his wife. Tonks heaved out a sigh, and gave him a silent, tired but amused look as she crawled out of bed and headed for Teddy's room.
Remus's head was splitting open in one of the worst migraines he'd ever endured. Flashes of colour were running through his mind, but none of it made any sense.
Remus rubbed at his temples as he got out of bed, and dragged his feet on the way to the front door.
Sirius entered the house in a panic, words rapidly falling from his mouth; none of it made a lick of sense to Remus, until it abruptly smacked him across the face like a brick.
Everything slipped into place. The glimpses of different people in place of others, the nostalgia, the intense longing for missing pieces. They'd both been in front of him the entire time. Well, not quite, they wouldn't be them until—
They go to the past, Remus thought. Memories were flooding his mind, some disjointed and nonsensical, and a few others were clearer than he would have liked.
One thing he did know was that they had to go to Hogwarts. "We need to go see, McGonagall." But, they were too late. Hermione and Draco were gone.