Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim all rights to all characters (save for those of my own creation) throughout this internal conflict… especially for the one who's suffering from so much turmoil.

~保護者~

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Hello, MelGamingPlays! Who can really say... poor Espio is really struggling, that's for sure. Oh, Nyokae is a chameleon, though. Kial was the cat in this scene. XD I'm not too sure Armaris would fare well, but I guess we'll find out! And yeah, Kaden is still very much not his true self right now. The heroes are very much at a loss, poor guys. :/ Oh, so it's no liner gonna go down like that. This is actually gonna be the last main series story. There'll be plenty of side stories, though!

~保護者~

"Shaken"

~保護者~

It was with shaking limbs that Shadow slipped away into the spare room of Espio's house, away from the crowd and any prying eyes. Tails and Jet both observed his departure, but he waved off their silent concern with a hand. It wasn't like he was going to do anything stupid, like trying to escape through a fucking window or some shit… He just felt sick again all of a sudden. Really sick, in fact, and the only thing he could think to do about it was try laying down. Espio probably had herbs stashed away that were capable of taking the edge off of such serious nausea, but that relied on Shadow being able to eat said herbs. And he sincerely doubted he'd be able to keep it down. Best not to try his luck.

He stepped into the room and shut the door, only for it to immediately open again. He turned to see Tails holding out a plastic bucket for him. "You're looking pretty ill," the fox said in explanation, "so I asked Sonic to go to my house really fast and grab this. He took the 'really fast' part pretty seriously I guess."

Though he was determined not to vomit, especially not when close enough to people with sharp enough ears to hear it, Shadow accepted the bucket. He'd already decided not to press his luck, after all. "Don't let him come in right now," he responded, heading toward the bed. It was little more than a traditional slim mattress on the floor with a couple blankets, but it was comfortable enough. He wasn't going to complain.

"I won't," Tails promised quietly. "I know you don't like people seeing you like this." Shadow laid down and tried to close his eyes. Tails regarded him in silence before speaking again. "Listen… even if you can't sleep, I want you to stay in bed as much as possible right now, okay? Given your physical symptoms, as well as the worse ones you've suffered in the past, I don't like how much you've been up and around today."

Shadow offered a slight nod, but instantly regretted it. The room spun, nausea intensifying, stomach clenching. He had to take a moment to just breathe before he could trust himself to say anything. "I know," he mumbled.

"Message me if you need anything, okay? You should still be completely linked up with my communicator, so you'll just have to do…" Tails hesitated, floundering for the words he needed, then settled on, "...whatever mental stuff you do." He paused before asking, "Will… that be too much right now?"

Given that this option didn't involve movement, it would probably be fine. ...Probably. "No." Shadow took several more deep breaths. Talking was such a bad idea right now. "It's fine."

"Okay. I'll let you rest, then, if you're sure." The door closed. Footsteps retreated to the front room. Finally, Shadow was alone.

As it happened, Tails couldn't have left at a better time. Shadow barely had time to jolt up and lean over the bucket before he lost the private battle he'd been fighting and his stomach emptied itself of what few contents it even had. Rather than feeling better, he found himself only feeling worse as he coughed and gagged in the immediate aftermath. Sure enough, a second wave soon hit him, burning his throat slightly but also succeeding in finally bringing him some measure of relief. He no longer felt quite as sick, but he was left feeling a bit shaky and weak as he pushed the bucket away in disgust and laid back down. The post-heave tremors soon abated, much to his relief, only for the normal "post-drug withdrawal symptom" shivers to take their place. Opening his eyes, he lifted a hand enough to look at it and how much it was shaking before putting it back down. Hoping to be able to get some sleep, he curled in on himself a bit and closed his eyes again.

Only… he couldn't sleep. His body was restless. He felt the need to get up and move around, to the point where he found himself fidgeting antsily. Sitting up and needing too badly to move, he tried to focus on other things. Instead, he found himself unhappily ticking off items on a mental checklist of sorts. There was lethargy, lack of appetite, restlessness, shakiness/tremors, weakness, cravings (because of course there were), nausea and all of its related issues, agitation, exhaustion, inability to sleep… And now his thoughts were racing, or starting to at any rate. The beginnings of a headache were starting to prick at him as well. He buried his head in his hands, resisting the urge to groan. Dammit, he'd been fine earlier today. Why were things suddenly amping up again? Why couldn't he just have some peace for once?

He caught himself rocking where he sat (another odd trait of his he had apparently gotten from Kaden) and forced himself to stop. Only, this lack of movement made him strangely desperate to move in some other way. Though he was able to remain still for the moment, it was almost more difficult to achieve than it was worth. So, with no better alternative, he slowly and reluctantly allowed his body to resume its earlier motion. More nausea hit him in that moment, causing him to curse under his breath. His thoughts raced some more, eventually landing on one crucial point.

Suddenly, escaping out that window to find relief didn't seem like such a bad idea.

That thought evoked a whole slew of emotions, some of which he didn't want to even try comprehending. Despair, anger, defeat, stubbornness, guilt, hatred, desire, need… god, what was wrong with him? These symptoms weren't even that serious! Why the fuck was he suddenly fighting with himself about whether or not to succumb because of them? It shouldn't have even been a question he had to consider! For fuck's sake, he was pathetic.

Lifting his head from his hands, he cast a withering look at the window in question, one equal parts spiteful and longing. Such an idiot. Shaking his head, he shifted to lay back down… putting the window at his back. Best not to look at it. Maybe that would help him think about it less. Except he couldn't quite get it out of his head. His mind oh-so-helpfully chose to remind him that a window was precisely what he'd used to escape his own home in years past… back when he was fighting to get clean and losing.

He'd lost the battle, given in to his cravings, slipped out of his bedroom and window, and proceeded to slide backward for months and months afterward. Maybe it had been even longer, who really knew. He hadn't exactly had the best sense of time back then. Or anything else, for that matter. It took some effort to remind himself that that was the specific outcome he was trying to avoid. He couldn't do this, not again. He couldn't put himself through that life a third time. Wasn't it bad enough that he'd been conquered by his addiction twice before? Why was he even considering allowing it to happen a third time? Because I'm an idiot, he reminded himself, closing his eyes with a scowl.

Well, perhaps that wasn't entirely true. There were logical reasons for all of this. Reminding himself of them took his mind off of his turbulent emotions for the moment, so that was precisely what he did. When recovering from addiction, cravings were inevitable. They could continue for years at times. When getting over an addition to this drug, however… saying that the user could suffer for "years" had to be the biggest understatement of all time. After all, Zero was no ordinary drug. Chances were that he would be fighting against cravings, however infrequently, for the rest of his life.

"Zero" (as it was called on the street) was known by many users as a so-called "ecstasy drug" due to the extreme pleasure, ecstasy, and so on that it caused all of its users to experience. Worse than that, however, was the fact that it was the single most powerful such drug in existence. Withdrawals from this drug could continue on for eons after even just a few uses... not that he had only used it a few times. And, of course, that was the reality that Shadow had been facing for far, far too long.

By now, he knew every single withdrawal symptom he was at risk of (as he still suffered them) by heart. Anxiety, insomnia, lack of appetite, shakiness, migraines, depression, panic attacks, restlessness, irritability, fatigue, headaches, dizziness, racing pulse, nausea, stomach cramps, muscle tension, muscle aches, tremors, shakes, hot flashes, nightmares… The list just went on. Yet, as horrible as these all were when they reared their fucking heads (and they all did, no matter how infrequently), there was never any doubt in his mind that the cravings were by far the worst symptom of them all.

Whenever they hit, however rarely they did so these days, they were still so intense and so powerful that willpower alone was often almost not enough. Nothing he did could prevent him from almost going straight back to the drug every. Single. Time. He relied rather heavily on the support of Tails and Espio to get through these situations, but he knew he had a frankly terrible habit of often not saying anything to them at all. He knew, in the back of his mind, that that was foolish. It was stupid, even, for him to allow that damned drug to influence him enough after all these years that it still affected his behavior. He hated needing help, hating asking for it, but it was this exact behavior that had directly led him to this personal emergency now.

Try though he might, he couldn't shake the grim feeling that maybe if he'd have allowed further help in the past… who knew. Maybe he'd have been more stable prior to being drugged again. Maybe that would have led to less severe symptoms now. Or maybe this was all nothing more than just wishful thinking. And thinking was something he needed to stop doing, because he was suddenly recalling the names and locations of a couple of suppliers, people from whom vials of Zero and packs of needles could be acquired… Their numbers had long been deleted from his communicator, but didn't he still know them?

Temptation struck hard, and Shadow looked warily at the device on his wrist. As shameful as it was to admit it to himself, he knew that he was probably less than a second from following through with his desires. He was managing to hold out… but he was still weak. Weak was what he was. Too weak to completely resist. No, he stared at his communicator, mind on those deleted contacts that haunted him, weighing on his mind, taunting him on his worst of days…

Shadow cursed under his breath and tapped on the screen to light it up. He had to do this. He needed this. God, he wanted this. But… no. No, he couldn't do this. He couldn't do this to himself, not again. He just couldn't do this, especially not with Sonic here now (and not to mention sitting right in the other room). Irritation threatened to bubble forth in the form of a low growl, but he stubbornly bit it back. He stared at the device a moment longer before forcing himself to turn the screen back off. Then, with what little self-control he had left, he unstrapped it from his wrist and flung it across the room. He heard some part of the device snap as it struck a wall before dropping onto the floor.

There. Done. It was gone now. But he didn't feel better. Too restless to stay laying down, he got up and paced around the room. Thoughts swirled through his mind as his pounding heart fought to beat its way out of his chest. Feeling hot and cold all at once, he marched open to the sole window and flung it open to let some fresh air in. He lingered there a moment, shivering, breathing heavily, still trying to force himself not to cry (fuck these emotions), when he finally gave into a different and lesser desire. With heavy feet, he walked back over to the bed and picked up the pack of cigarettes he had left next to it earlier.

Knowing full well that he needed to collect himself and get his shit together (especially before Sonic managed to notice anything was amiss, as he really didn't need a "big brother lecture" right now), he pulled out a single stick and, with trembling hands, lit it. Normally smoking in a house was something he frowned upon, and he damn-well knew Espio wouldn't have approved, but he just couldn't bring himself to care at the moment. This little bundle of chemicals was probably the only thing that was going to prevent him from taking off to shoot up right here and right now, and he would be damned if he took that risk just because he was inside. He'd come too close to slipping already. Now was not the time to be pressing his luck.

Once he was sufficiently calm, he incinerated what little was left of his cigarette and just leaned on the windowsill for a time, focusing as much as possible on the breeze sifting through his fur. There was no denying that he felt better, if only somewhat, but he was hardly pleased with the method through which this low level of peace had been attained. Trading one addiction for another… I should have never done such a thing. Stifling a sigh, he turned around and sat against the wall beneath the window, bringing his knees up to his chest and burying his face in his arms. Suddenly, he felt exhausted again. Emotionally drained, too. It wasn't a pleasant experience.

The next thing he knew, a knock was rousing him from his unintentional and short-lived nap. He lifted his head, blinking blearily at the door for probably too long before it clicked that someone was on the other side of it. With great reluctance, he shifted and got to his feet, then walked on shaking legs toward the source of the brief noise. He had a guess as to who was there, but he soon found that he was sorely mistaken. Instead of Tails or even Sonic, he saw perhaps the last person he would have expected. Namely, Steam.

Too unsteady on his own legs, Shadow gripped the door a bit more tightly in his hand. He tried to conjure up a convincing scowl… but he strongly suspected that it was much too weak to work. "What?" he mumbled. Though he only said one word, it sounded slurred even to his own ears. Fucking hell. He wanted to slam the door shut right then in order to escape this situation, but even in his current state he was pretty damn sure it would draw unwanted attention his way. So he refrained.

"I wanted to talk to you, Shadow," Steam murmured, frowning ever so minutely. He watched the darker hedgehog for a moment before his frown deepened. "Do you mind if I step in?"

Not trusting himself to speak anymore, Shadow simply released his hold on the door and sat back down against a random spot against one of the walls. He chose to pointedly ignore the fact that he'd stumbled while walking there. Can't even walk properly...

Steam took this as a 'yes', and stepped in, gently closing the door behind him and sitting down a few feet away. "How are you feeling?"

That much should have been obvious. But, just this once, Shadow relented and gave an answer. "Like shit."

"I figured as much. Tails seemed worried, so I came to check up on you." Steam's nose twitched faintly and he glanced toward the open window. "Did you smoke recently?" Massaging his temples with his fingers to try to stave off his headache, Shadow simply nodded. Steam didn't fully respond to that besides some heightened concern flashing to life within his eyes. "I know I can't help much, but I just wanted to keep you company and hope that it does something. Do you mind me being in here?"

"I don't care," Shadow mumbled, barely suppressing a fresh tremor.

Steam nodded slowly, biting back a soft sigh. "There's something in particular I wanted to bring up, and it's got a lot to do with how you were 'born' and the first part of your childhood." Shadow gritted his teeth, not speaking again largely because he didn't know what to say. "When everything was happening with you, I was taken from where I was as a young child. I was experimented on, and I saw it happen to you as well. I know you likely don't remember much of that time for several reasons, though…"

Though he wracked his brain, Shadow found that he had no recollection of ever seeing Steam before in his life. Certainly not back then. That, coupled with his current state of exhaustion, confusion, and perhaps slight delirium meant that he really didn't totally follow what Steam was saying. The hell…

The green hedgehog then thought to slightly amend what he had said before. "Well, not in this timeline, at least. In the timeline I'm from. I don't wanna dredge anything up that'll make you feel worse, but I wanted you to know that I understand the shit you went through when you were that young."

No matter how much Shadow hated any memories of his past, no matter how vague, a distraction of any sort was something he desperately needed right now. It occurred to him dimly that that might have been Steam's aim here... giving him something to focus on that was important enough to him that could focus for the most part... So, with no better methods of coping presenting themselves, he rolled with it as best as he could. "...Why were you there?" he eventually asked, speaking slowly enough to force his words to be clear. Mostly.

"I was wanted for my very unusual regeneration. I could be experimented on and no lasting damage would be left because it would heal quickly," Steam answered just as slowly. The lack of speed he used to speak here was actually helpful, for it allowed Shadow to better follow what was even being said. "And damn my memory, because it was awful as hell to watch it happen to someone else as well."

Shadow's thoughts were foggy for a time before a clear one managed to surface. "...Gerald always… desired to make himself unkillable," he remembered aloud.

Steam nodded. "Exactly. On top of that, I was prime testing for him to try new things on and see if it would kill a normal person." Shadow nodded slowly, but immediately regretted doing so. His head pounded in protest. Steam glanced to Shadow with a faint grimace but didn't say anything regarding his actions. "It was never… pleasant, to say the least."

With no other response to give, Shadow merely mumbled, "I know."

"So, what do you think of Li? I know he went and talked to you, but now I'm curious." Steam asked, raising an eyebrow slightly. The other hedgehog thought that over for a time before offering a weak shrug. What was there to say? He was pretty sure they'd only spoken once, and it hadn't been for long. Unless he just wasn't remembering properly at the moment, which was entirely possible. Steam nodded slowly. "If you talk to him again, certainly try to see past his very… meek exterior. You two could get along. Well, you also kinda did, but that was in my timeline…" The green hedgehog offered a weak chuckle and smile, but said nothing more on the matter.

It took a few seconds for it to fully register that Steam had stopped talking. From there, it took several more seconds for Shadow to decide he was curious enough to want to know more. So, reluctantly, he asked. "What?"

Steam blinked once and decided to answer with a question of his own. "Do you remember what he talked to you about?"

He didn't entirely recall. Not at the moment, at any rate. It was pretty hard to keep track of most memories right now. Everything was so fucking hazy. "...Not… completely."

"My assumption is that he talked to you about something to do with making things. That's what he does with his life and he's happy with it."

That triggered a brief memory of the event. Something about the wolf examining his gun… or something. Shadow shrugged a little again. "He spoke about weapons."

"Well, he's definitely got an affinity for that. He's a blacksmith and all." Steam shrugged softly. "I'm fairly certain he's taken an interest in you, because of your own affinity for weapons as well."

Shadow frowned a little. An interest? he found himself thinking distractedly. His (failing) attempts to ponder over that distracted him enough for a brief moment that he mostly didn't notice the latest chills that decided to wrack his frame.

"I should explain that a bit better," Steam admitted. "Li is the God of the Forge, and he might actually be thinking about seeing if you'd like to work with him." Shadow had no answer to that, no real response to give, so he focused instead on resuming his attempts to massage away his building headache.

Another knock sounded at the door. Not being entirely cognizant of this fact, Shadow didn't react to it at all, too lost in his symptoms to notice. When the silence persisted too long, there was another knock. Steam frowned at Shadow, said nothing, and pushed himself to his feet to open the door quietly. Tails stood there, hand still upraised as though prepared to knock again, and he blinked several times at Steam in confusion. "Oh, uh… hi." He peered past Steam's shoulder to where Shadow was seated, then frowned. In undertone he murmured, "Man… he does not look good."

Steam shook his head softly, frowning. "No. I've been trying to talk to him to keep his mind off it all, but it's probably getting worse."

Pursing his lips together, Tails stepped into the room, only to pause and kneel down. Picking up several broken pieces from the ground, he asked, "Shadow, did you do this?"

Shadow sort of started at the sound of Tails's voice and looked over at him blearily. After a few seconds, his gaze shifted to the communicator Tails was holding and he scowled. Offering no explanation for his actions, he simply looked away and muttered, "Yes."

Tails sighed and took stock of the damage. "Why?" he asked, though he didn't expect an answer. Predictably, he got none.

"I didn't even notice that…" Steam muttered softly to himself, arms slowly crossing. Internally, it bothered him that he had completely missed such a detail.

Tails blinked at him again. "How could you not? There are bits of it all over the floor here…"

Steam shook his head and sighed. "I just… dunno."

After a few seconds, Tails shrugged it off and looked back over the device. "Jeez… he really busted this thing. It won't even power on anymore."

"It can probably be replaced, though switching storage might be iffy if it's damaged at all," Steam murmured.

"I'd rather just repair it if I can… there's a lot of important stuff on here, and he's had this thing for so long that it's the only way most people know how to contact him." Tails frowned at the communicator, thinking, and then it clicked. ...Wait. Maybe that's exactly why he broke it?

Steam's still partially tired mind didn't connect the dots as well as Tails and he tilted his head curiously. "What is it?"

The fox hesitated, then turned back to the silent third party in the room. "Shadow…" he started again. "Why did you throw this against the wall?" He knew that if they were alone, Shadow would have told him, even if it took a while to convince him to do so. As it was now, though, he chose not to say anything. Tails dared to voice his assumption in lieu of wasting time waiting for cooperation that was never going to come. "Was it because you didn't trust yourself?" he asked, addressing a fairly common issue that had popped up throughout the years. Shadow's silence was truly telling, and Tails felt a trickle of dread. For him to react to that the way he did… that must mean he almost did precisely what he doesn't trust himself to not to do in situations like this.

Steam watched with a growing frown, tightening his arms against his body for some reason before rolling his shoulders to loosen them up. Shit… this hit him hard and fast.

Shifting his attention to Steam again, Tails asked quietly, "What do we do? The medicine we were given can only help with milder symptoms. They were doing fine at that, for the most part, but if things are escalating now…" He trailed off nervously.

"We may really have to try and push to get that medicine from the da Asani if it's still available…" Steam murmured, biting his lip as he thought.

Tails frowned at him. He'd heard second-hand about that conversation, but he'd nearly forgotten about it before now. "...Yeah… you're right. But how would we do that? They're so… reclusive and distant."

Steam released his lip and sighed. "We need someone closely allied with them, or at least in generally good standings with their race. Which means someone like Jet, Kath, Sein, or Alana." His arms fell to his sides and he rapidly tapped at his leg. "It'll need to be someone like them, but Jet would have the easiest time... " The hedgehog's words soon fell into almost inaudible rambling as he quickly attempted to dissect the situation to find the best course of action.

"I'd wager Jet's our best bet," Tails agreed. "Would you go ask him about it? I've gotta stay with Shadow."

The hedgehog nodded slowly and moved to step out the door, only to bump into Li as the wolf approached to knock on the door. Steam moved aside to let Li in as he walked out. The wolf glanced over to Shadow and gave a noticeable frown to Tails. "What's going on?" he asked quietly.

Tails let out a small sigh. "It's… complicated." He glanced at Shadow, taking note of how zoned-out the hedgehog seemed to be, then turned back to Li. "I don't know how much you might've heard, but Shadow… he's really struggling right now to recover from the effects of an old - and unwanted on his part - addiction that was recently… reintroduced by whoever attacked him when he was kidnapped a little while back. It's all… hitting him pretty hard right now."

Li's ears noticeably folded down and he frowned more. "That… that's awful…" he murmured softly.

"You don't know the half of it," Tails mumbled. "I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but he's dealing with the effects of 'Zero', of all things."

The wolf's eyes widened and he mouthed something in another language. "That's horrid. I just… fuck." Li bit his lip and watched Shadow with immensely concerned eyes. "What do we do…?"

"Steam is going to ask Jet to try to get some medicine for him. Hopefully that will help. It's certainly more than we had to work with before. We had no idea what we were dealing with in the past. Not really." Twisting around, Tails looked at Shadow. Much to his surprise, the hedgehog was starting to nod off a little. Oh, good… maybe he'll go to sleep. He really could use the rest. He gestured for Li to wait one moment and walked over to Shadow to help him stand and get back to the bed. Once he had Shadow laying down, he left him be again and returned to the wolf.

Li watched Shadow quietly before sighing softly. "I hope that they can get that medicine…"

"Me, too," Tails admitted sadly.

"So, uh… do you know Shadow somewhat well?" Li asked, curiosity evident in his tone.

That managed to make the fox smile. "Oh, more than that," he said. "I've known him a very long time. Don't expect to hear him ever say so out loud, but we've been close friends for a lot of years."

Li managed a small smile as well. "That's good to hear." He rubbed the back of his head, chuckling softly. "So, I've got a couple questions regarding him… but I don't wanna pry too much."

"Go for it," Tails invited. He held up the communicator in his hands. "Hope you don't mind me tinkering while we talk, though. Shadow really did a number on this thing."

"That's fine, actually," Li answered with a bright smile. Tails immediately began pulling out some specialized tools and set to work. "I do the same a lot, so it's no big deal. Anyway… Shadow… what's he like? I don't expect a full synopsis or anything. Just some idea of how he is."

"Hm… that can be a bit tricky to answer," Tails admitted. "Are you referring more to personality? Or is it more behaviors and the like?"

"Personality more so, I guess," Li answered. "I… wanna know how to approach him and talk to him."

"He can be a bit moody," Tails offered. "That's just how he is. But… it's not as bad as it was when he was younger. The teenage years we all suffered through really hit him hard." In spite of himself, he let out a small laugh. "That led to a lot of squabbling with friends and family back then."

Li's head tilted in a display of his growing curiosity. "So, if he sounds or acts irritable, that's really just a normal thing?"

"Completely," Tails confirmed. "And it's not always genuine, either. Sometimes it's a coping mechanism, or at least something that he uses to cover up what he's actually feeling." He paused, thinking, then provided an example. "Sadness, in any of its forms, is one he'll do that sort of thing with. He tends to act angry or worse, when in reality he's just upset."

The wolf's face contorted in light confusion. "Weird… Novei does things that are really similar, actually."

"Maybe, but you don't need to worry about Shadow punching your lights out," Tails laughed. He'd already deduced Novei's fondness for such a behavior… and Li's fear of it.

Li sighed in relief, shaking his head softly. "Thank god… She's just… violent sometimes. She can be a really decent person, but the moment any agitation is present, her willingness to kill anyone surges again."

"Espio is like that," Tails observed. "Shadow's just… not. Although, he definitely will shoot to kill without hesitation the moment he's given a proper reason to. But interactions with you will never prompt him to pull the trigger, I can promise you that."

"That's great to hear. I, uh… might've run from him the last time we talked because I was worried he'd try to kill me or something," Li admitted sheepishly.

Tails laughed again. "Well, now you know."

Li shared a short laugh before speaking once more. "Anyway… Here's more of an opinion based question. If you had to try and explain the kind of person he is, what would you say?"

"I can't say I really know how to put it," Tails admitted carefully. "Like I said, he's a complicated person. He's definitely said and done things he's not proud of. He's experienced things he doesn't want to remember, and often can't. But, despite all of that and despite what he was literally created to be… I think it's important for people to know that his heart's always in the right place. He just has a hard time proving that sometimes."

There was a slow nod from the wolf, seeming to understand this. "That all makes a lot of sense. Definitely, the last bit is good to note," Li said, smiling. "This all helps a lot."

Something about his words made Tails's somewhat lighthearted mood falter again. He looked up from his work to check on Shadow again. If only we could better help you… huh?

~保護者~

5,624 words this time. Hope you all enjoyed this rare delve into Shadow's mind and emotions! Many thanks as always to Blazing Winds for all of his help. Posted (at about 9:30 a.m.) 04-17-20.