Hello, onto a new chapter. Thank you for all your reviews, for the guest reviewers, I can't reply, but thank you for your kind words!

I hope you enjoy this next little bit and, since I've had a pretty good day, I'll be posting the next chapter tonight too.

Please leave comments, you know how I love them!

Chapter 3

Sara was broken from her retrieve by the sounds of feet crunching the grass. She opened her eyes to see Helen standing in the clearing. The older woman gave a bright smile.

"I wondered where you got too," she said as she crossed over to sit next to Sara.

"Just taking a few movements to myself," Sara said with a smile.

"I don't blame you," Helen replied as she took in their surroundings. "I can never get over how comfy you've made this." She gestured to the little alcove Sara called home. "I'm still trying to convince Julian to move our tent just a few feet from the equipment."

Sara laughed. "Good luck with that." She knew that Helen didn't mind, not really. The woman was just as hard working at her husband and, since this was really her trip, Helen was more invested in the outcome than any other member of the team. Julian might be their team leader, but Helen was the brains behind the entire operation. She was the one that fought for the funding, and she was the one who handpicked their team.

Why Helen didn't ask for the lead role, Sara didn't know, but the woman seemed more than happy to allow her husband to take the lead on the actual expedition.

"You know," Helen said. "Once were done here, Julian and I are going out to the Artic. We've been given the go ahead for our study into sperm whales."

"Really?"

"Yeah, we're going out during their migration to study their breeding habits."

"That's great," Sara exclaimed. She knew that Helen and Julian have been waiting for this for months. It had taken a lot to convince the university board, but Helen was tenacious. It seems that it paid off.

"Yeah, and, well, I was hoping," Helen said, with an almost nervous smile. "Maybe, if you don't get a better offer, you'd like to come with us."

Sara was speechless. She wasn't expecting this. One research trip was one thing, but to be invited to another was… She didn't really know.

"You're serious?" She said, finally.

"Yes," Helen said with a laugh. "You can't be that surprised. You've done incredible work here, Sara. We couldn't have done this without you. Julian and I want you with us, if you'd like to come."

"Are you kidding," Sara said, sitting up straighter. Excitement coursing through her. "I'd love to come. When would we leave?"

Helen laughed at her excitement and Sara grinned like a kid at Christmas. This trip had been everything she needed, and to keep going, with Julian and Helen, Sara was over the moon.

"Well, we still have a few weeks left here. And the migration season isn't for a few months. So, we're thinking we'll have a break for a couple weeks then head out sometime late summer."

Late summer. That wasn't too far away, Sara could wait that long. She smiled up at Helen and the older woman gave her a hug.

"I'm glad you want to come," she said as she released Sara. "What will you do in the break?"

"I don't know," Sara said, honestly. She hadn't thought about what she would done once their trip was concluded. Originally, she was going to find the next trip and ask to join, but if she was going to go with Julian and Helen, she knew that wouldn't be practical. She supposed she could visit her mother, but Sara dismissed that idea immediately.

She had seen Laura Sidle when she first left Vegas and it wasn't a pleasant experience for either mother or daughter.

"Why don't you go back to Vegas for a bit?" Helen asked, softly. Sara hadn't spoken of her reasons for leaving Vegas, not in depth. But she had told Helen about Grissom, about how they had left things. The older woman didn't pry, only told her that she was there is Sara ever wanted to talk.

"No," Sara said, shaking her head. She couldn't go back to Vegas, not yet. No matter how much she missed him. She wasn't ready.

"Or take a trip, not a research trip, but a holiday. You do remember what they are right?" Helen asked with a cheeky grin.

"Yes, I do," Sara replied in fake indignation. She shoved Helen playfully before continuing. "I don't really fancy a holiday alone right now," she said softly. Sara was no stranger to a solo holiday, but after Grissom, she wasn't sure she was ready to get back to them just yet.

"What if…" Helen started, before hesitating.

"What?"

"Well, you don't need to go alone," she said, carefully.

"What, are you and Julian inviting me to take a trip with you?" Sara joked.

"No," Helen said seriously. "What if you asked someone to go with you?"

"Who would that be?" Sara asked, confused. There was only one person she would want to take a trip with, but that was out of the question.

"Someone you cared about," Helen said. She was acting as if she was choosing her words very cautiously. As if Sara was a scared animal about to bolt at the slightest provocation.

Sara stared at her friend, not sure what to say. Helen was trying to get at something, but for the life of her, Sara couldn't work out what it was.

"What are you getting at, Helen?" She finally asked. Helen chewed on her bottom lip, weighing her words.

"It's just," she started. "You've always seemed a bit… I don't know… distant. Like there's a part of you here, and a part of you elsewhere." Sara opened her mouth, but Helen held up her hand to stop her. "I'm not saying anything against your work, I've already told you it's been excellent. It's more how you are when you're not working. You're here, but you're not here at the same time." She paused, looked Sara directly in the eye. Kindness filling her own. "I don't want to pry, you've already made it clear that you don't want to, or aren't able to talk about what happened with Gil or in Vegas. And I would never want to invade your privacy, but I do have to wonder if maybe you have some unfinished business there. That, maybe, you regret leaving."

Sara didn't answer, she just looked away. Avoiding the older woman's gaze.

"Julian and I still want you to come with us on our next trip, but maybe you could use the break to…" Helen's voice faded, not finishing the sentence. Sara didn't need her too; she knew what the older woman was going to say.

"I don't regret leaving Vegas," Sara said after a while. She took a breath. "I needed to leave. There were too many… there are things that I can't talk about." She looked over at Helen, but she only nodded, smiling kindly. "I don't regret leaving, it was the right thing for me to do. I just… wish that somethings could have been different," she finished, lamely.

Helen was quiet for a moment before saying; "it's Gil, isn't it?" Sara only nodded. "Sara," Helen began. "Can I ask, what happened? Between the two of you?"

Sara barked out a laugh. "How long have you got?"

"As long as you need me," Helen said, simply. Sara shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She had already spent too much time thinking about Grissom that day, if she carried on talking about him, Sara was sure she would start crying.

"Things were always… complicated," Sara said, eventually. "He was my boss; I think I told you?" She looked at Helen who nodded in confirmation. "So that made it harder, it took us a long time to finally be together, and when we did, it had to be kept secret. Neither of us really wanted to broadcast it, and neither of us wanted to leave the team. It was good, for a long time. We were happy. Then…" Sara stopped.

Memories of the red car, flooding in the desert, and the fear that she would die invaded her mind. Even after all this time, she still struggled to push those thoughts away. Helen didn't interrupt her thoughts, she just sat there patiently for Sara to continue.

"Something happened. Something bad. And I started to burn out. There's only so many dead bodies a person could look at before it starts to get to you." Sara gave her a half-hearted smile, trying to keep it light. "Anyway, after what happened, our relationship got out and I moved to a different shift. But it was still good, you know. We were still together, and we didn't need to hide any more. The guys were great about it. They were happy for us. We were happy. But…" She paused again, wondering how to put into words exactly what she had gone though, what she felt that last year in Vegas.

"It was hard, with everything, the cases were getting to me. More than they used too. I couldn't breathe. Gil knew I was struggling, but he didn't know what to do. I don't think there was anything he could do. Eventually, I burned out. I had to leave before things could get any worse. I left Gil a letter, got in a taxi and left."

Sara shrugged. A little ashamed of how she left, even if it was necessary.

"But you went back?" Helen asked. She knew, Sara had called them from Vegas before she left. They knew that was where she was.

"Yes," she said. "But it wasn't because I wanted too. A friend of mine, one of the guys on my team, died." Tears pricked at her eyes as she thought of her lost friend. She never had the opportunity to say goodbye to him, had not been able to tell him how much she cared and valued their friendship.

"I'm sorry," Helen said, and she put a hand on Sara's arm. Sara gave her a watery smile.

"It was a shock. He was murdered, by someone in the department," Sara spat out the last words, still angry at the man who took her friend away. "I went back because of that. We found out who did it, they were arrested. But it doesn't bring Warrick back. I tried to stay; Gil was fond of him. Rick was his favourite, and I knew he wouldn't have anyone else. But I couldn't. There was still so much I hadn't dealt with. So, I left, again. I didn't even leave a note this time, I just walked away." She did what he couldn't do. He had said as much, before she left. When they were talking about Tom and Pam.

She knew there was a double meaning in what he was saying, even if he didn't, even if she didn't want to hear it. He couldn't walk away. So, Sara did it for him.

"Have you spoken to him, since you left?"

Sara shook her head. "Not directly. I sent him a video." She sighed. "I know it was a cowardly thing to do, but I would never have been able to say what I needed too if I had actually spoken to him. I wouldn't have been able to…"

"End it?" Helen asked, finishing the sentence for her. Sara only nodded. She looked up, trying to stop the tears from falling down her face. "Is that what you wanted?"

"It doesn't matter," Sara said, still looking up at the trees over handing above them.

"I think it does," Helen said, softly. Sara looked over at her, creasing her brows in confusion. "Sara, things like this are a lot simpler than we tend to make out."

Sara shook her head, she knew Helen meant well, but it wasn't that way. Not with her and Gil.

"Sara, do you love him?" Helen asked.

"Yes," Sara breathed.

"Does he love you?"

Sara nodded.

"Ok." Helen shifted, bending a knee, and resting her leg on the branch so she could face the younger woman. "You love each other. That's one hurdle. You can't stay in Vegas; did you even ask him to go with you when you left."

"No," Sara said, looking away again.

"Why?"

Sara had to think on that for a moment. She was sure, if she asked him, Grissom would have come with her. But she hadn't asked, she had left the decision with him, and he chose to stay.

"Why didn't you ask him?" Helen asked again.

"Because," Sara said, slowly. "He wasn't ready to leave. Gil, he, uh, the lab is his life. It's who he is. I couldn't ask him to leave that, not if he wasn't ready."

"What if he was ready, but was waiting for you to ask?'

Sara hadn't thought about that. Helen only nodded, as if she knew what Sara was thinking. It was true Grissom knew that she was leaving, Sara have even told him that she couldn't stay in Vegas, even suggested that they take a trip. But he couldn't leave, not then, not right after Warrick. The team was already short after her departure, with Warrick gone their group of six had gone down to four.

No, he wouldn't have been able leave just then. But maybe, maybe if she had said something, had been more open in what she wanted, he might have… No, there was no point in tormenting herself with 'what ifs' and 'maybes'. What's done is done. They had both made their choices and Sara needed to accept that.

Helen didn't seem to expect a response, or at least she didn't press Sara for one. She tightened her hand on Sara's arm before standing up. Just as she got to the edge of Sara's clearing, Helen turned once more.

"I only have one more question, then I promise I'll leave you in peace."

"Ok?"

"If he did decide to leave, to come after you, would you want that?"

Sara shook her head and leaned her forearms on her knees. "I can't think about that, Helen," she said. "If I did, I would be imagining him walking through that clearing, only to be disappointed when it doesn't happen."

"Humour me."

Sara looked up. Helen wasn't going to leave without an answer. She turned her head away, not able to look at the older woman as she answered.

"Yes," she said, quietly. "I would want that."

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Helen left Sara to find her husband, she hadn't found out everything she wanted about their newest recruit, but she had learned more than she expected. Since Sara had joined their team, Helen couldn't help but feel some kind of pull towards the younger woman. There was something so venerable about her, yet Sara was strong. Stronger than anyone Helen had known.

She knew that Sara's job as s CSI would have toughened her, but there was something else. An inner strength that Helen knew wasn't a by-product of the job.

As Helen entered the main camp, she found Julian with his head stuck to his microscope. She smiled at the sight. Somethings never change. He heard her as she approached and gave a quick kiss when she was near enough.

"Did you talk to her?" He asked.

"Yes," she replied.

"And? Did we do the right thing?"

Helen only nodded. Yes, yes, they had done the right thing.