It took some time to get used to not sensing her aura inside his stomach. To wake up and feel empty. Then bite down the panic of where the child had gone when memories resurfaced as a heavy reminder.

If Sesshomaru was honest, he wished he had someone to curl up next to as he grieved. He compared the differences between the loss of his father, and the loss of his daughter.

The two were vastly different.

After losing his father, Sesshomaru turned everyone away. He went cold and refused comfort from everyone. Sesshomaru didn't even want to be around his own mother.

It was like the world lost some color. And yet every morning the sun was still bright. The rays brought some color to his world. Although the future seemed bleak, Sesshomaru searched for his own way.

The loss of his daughter made the world lose its color completely. And yet the only color he could see was Inuyasha's bright red outfit. Everything else was black and white to Sesshomaru.

And this time he wished he felt the warmth of someone next to him. To hold him, assure him that everything will turn out all right. Someone to lean against when his heart ached so much it was overwhelming.

To keep himself busy he kept them on the move. However without a sense of direction they wandered aimlessly. Sesshomaru picked a random direction in the morning and chose that as their path.

"If I may suggest, you should have spent more time to grieve with Inuyasha." Kohaku braved to mention his opinion almost a week after they separated from the bigger group.

Sesshomaru paused. He considered the boy's words. The daiyokai had thought he hid his grieving well. But it would seem Kohaku had been with them long enough to notice even the smallest of changes within him.

"Hmph! As if the great Lord Sesshomaru would even stick around that annoying hanyou!" Jaken huffed, his outburst ignored by most.

"I bet Inuyasha feels just as sad." Rin spoke with a soft sigh. Even she wasn't as cheerful lately.

Sesshomaru must be really slipping if she would make such a comment. Then again Rin always had an insight that often surprised him. Sesshomaru wondered what to do about this situation.

On one hand, begin searching for Inuyasha to maybe give into what he secretly been wanting. Someone who also understood the loss and will help him sort out his emotions.

If Inuyasha wasn't traveling with others, Sesshomaru would have began his search. However, it was because of Inuyasha and his choice of companions is the reason why Sesshomaru hesitated.

They would clash one way or another. And it would just mean a bigger target for Naraku. He would even try to take advantage of their unstability and force a wedge between the two groups.

No, it was best if they remained separated.

Sesshomaru ignored the whining from his inner demon. And then for the first time he sensed that part of him succumb to slumber, leaving him alone with his thoughts and conflicting emotions. Unknown to him, his packmates noticed that after this day his eyes no longer held the fire to fight in them.

And they continued to wander aimlessly with no indication they're searching for Inuyasha. The days blurred as nothing of real interest happened. It was simply wake up, pack, then move. Find a suitable camp site then settle for the night. The next morning it was repeat.

And with each passing day Kohaku noticed it was getting later and later into the morning for Sesshomaru to say they were leaving. As this started to grow into the afternoon hours, Kohaku really began to wonder what they should do.

He tried wondering how Inuyasha and his group were faring. He hoped to spark enough of an interest to give Sesshomaru the drive to finally accept that he needed help.

"If you're so interested in their affairs, maybe you should join them." Sesshomaru spoke with such spite that Kohaku flinched.

"...I'm staying with you." Kohaku held firm.

"Do as you wish." Of course he wouldn't argue.

One day they ran into Kenji. It was immediately noticed that he was alone, his armor damaged and most of his wounds had healed. Upon seeing each other everyone tensed.

"I suppose she targeted you first." Sesshomaru concluded.

"So you met her, then?" Kenji blinked.

"She's resting in peace now." He informed.

"...If it's any consolation, I'm sorry. But I don't suppose you would accept my apology."

"No." Sesshomaru answered flatly.

"I see. Can I make it up to you then?"

"And how exactly do you plan to do that?" He grew suspicious.

"I can be in your service and guard your pack until you deem I've repaid you enough. I'm too used to traveling in a pack. And being wounded still, well, I would be easy pickings strong as I usually am."

Sesshomaru considered. He wasn't entirely sure if he could trust him. But so far Kenji is proving to have honor and willing to repent. He sighed as he hoped this wouldn't become a problem later.

"Do as you wish. But if I ever suspect you betray me, or find out you are carrying out a plan to, I will take your life as the price." Sesshomaru would even try out the Meido Zangetsuha on him if it came down to that.

"As my honor as the son of a lord, I won't betray you or your pack while I'm at your service." Kenji promised.

So they had a new addition to their group. At first it was quiet and awkward. Everyone was settling into being together. It didn't help this was once an enemy who was responsible for the passing of Hinata.

But one evening they were attacked by a pack of demons. Sesshomaru should have sensed their approach. However he was too caught up in his despair to give any notice until it was too late.

"What's that smell?" Kenji asked, bringing Sesshomaru out of his thoughts.

And suddenly he sensed them.

"Enemies!" Sesshomaru snarled with enough warning for them to react as demons charged from all angles.

Quickly Ah-Un, Kohaku and Jaken circled to protect Rin. There wasn't time for her to climb on and flee until the fighting was over. Kenji and Sesshomaru worked together to fend off the strongest of the surprise attack.

That night Sesshomaru learned that Kenji was helpful in a pinch. He was calculative and quick on his feet. With his twin blades he was freer in the flow of battle to take on more than one opponent.

Sesshomaru ignored the smallest interest in the way Kenji danced with his blades. He felt his inner demon stir, but didn't fully awaken. The grief still had too great a grasp on him to really feel a true spark.

And just as the fighting started it ended.

"Well, that was fun." Kenji snickered before turning to inspect the daiyokai. "How are you holding up?"

"I don't need help." Sesshomaru spoke a little too harshly.

"I mean in your grieving. My pack and I couldn't even get close to you without being found out. If I weren't here, your pack would be in serious trouble." Kenji had enough valid points that Sesshomaru couldn't argue.

Kohaku stared. Never had he seen Sesshomaru give up his facade. But it would seem he was still wary of Kenji and just refused to speak further on the matter or reveal the constant thoughts that plagued him.

For the rest of the evening Kenji opened up. Even going so far as to volunteer and hunt for food since the dinner Kohaku had prepared was ruined. To everyone's surprise Sesshomaru left, saying he will be the one hunting instead.

He returned to Kenji telling stories to the others. Rin and Kohaku were intensely interested. She was even smiling at finally having a distraction to the silence.

At the sight of her smile, Sesshomaru stared. For a split second he thought he saw Hinata. He blinked, only to see that it was only Rin. And he silently berated himself.

While yes, he lost Hinata.

But he still had Rin.

And if it weren't for Kenji, she might be severely injured tonight or worse. There was a limit to the Tenseiga saving lives. Sesshomaru turned his gaze at the other dog demon. As if sensing him, Kenji met his gaze.

For the first time Sesshomaru saw the red color of Kenji's eyes. And somehow he wasn't reminded of another. All he saw before him was Kenji.

Slightly troubled and trying to push back the sparks that were in greater intensity, Sesshomaru wordlessly tossed the pig before making himself scarce again. He knew his pack will be in capable hands with Kenji guarding them.

For a long while Sesshomaru simply stared at the moon, lost in thought. He wasn't far from his pack in case of another attack. It was his habit of never stray far away from them at night anyhow.

Some point in the night Kenji approached.

"They're asleep." He reported, breaking the silence.

Sesshomaru didn't reply or turn around.

"You're a tough one to crack." Kenji sighed. "It's a wonder you've got loyal companions with the way you talk. Or lack of."

"Just say what you want." Sesshomaru spoke curtly.

"I don't want to confuse whatever you've got going on with Inuyasha. Or create unnecessary drama."

"Tch." Sesshomaru couldn't help the noise escape his throat, which made Kenji pause. "There isn't much going on for you to step on any toes."

"So then you are interested."

"I suggest you choose your next choice of words very carefully." Sesshomaru warned.

"I just want to say I won't push myself onto you. I just wanted to confirm that it wasn't just me who felt that connection earlier. Whatever you decide upon, I will respect and won't hold anything against you. I've seen how you would never give up, and how cruel you can be. I really do want to repent for the unnecessary pain I caused you."

"...Not too long ago, I would have torn your heart out as penance." Sesshomaru knew it. Before Rin, he wouldn't have spared Kenji. He still might not have, if Hinata had named him part of the blame.

Which meant she accepted her initial death. The whole coming back and used to fight her own family and slaughter innocent demons was all Naraku's doing. And thus Sesshomaru had come to the conclusion that Kenji wasn't to blame.

"I imagine that girl changed a lot about you. More so than Inuyasha." Kenji made the connection.

"He still plays a part. Whether he chooses me as a mate is still unclear." Sesshomaru wondered why he let that slip.

"If he does I won't fight over you." Kenji assured. He knew better than to even think of trying.

"I'm still unclear with you. The pain is..." Too fresh. And his face was a constant reminder.

"I understand. Just, don't be afraid to reach out? You hold all the cards, Sesshomaru." Kenji said before taking his leave.

Sesshomaru actually glanced over his shoulder to watch him. He noticed the poor state of the kimono underneath the armor. And without even questioning why he was doing this Sesshomaru left to search.

The next morning Kenji awoke to new clothes neatly folded next to him.