Character ages: Levi - 37/38; Natalie - 32/33; Hange - 34/35; Mikasa, Jean, Conny, Sasha - 21/22
Alright, so as always my lovelies, go ahead and enjoy this chapter and don't forget to toss me a little review, to let me know what you think~ ;)
P.S. All Attack on Titan characters belong to Isayama Hajime. I only own my OCs.
3. Wait for me
~ 856 ~
"No matter how many times I see it, it's still weird to watch a Titan helping people." Jean shuddered, as he and Conny watched the redheaded shifter walking out of the forest carrying an armful of trees.
"Do you think this is what it was like for the Eldians, before?" the shorter soldier pondered. "Back when they used Titans to build settlements and roads and all that? Was it just as weird for them, as it is for us?"
Just as amazing, was to see Hange still being their usual hyper self now that they had a chance to study Natalie. The poor girl had graciously agreed to every experiment, wanting to be of use, until it had gotten so dangerous that Levi had to intervene and rein in Hange's excitement.
"I wonder how long these peaceful days will last..." Jean eventually sighed, turning his eyes to the clear sky. "Somehow, it feels like a dream."
"As long as Eren doesn't find out where Natalie is, there's no reason to worry." Mikasa chimed in from where she was leaning against the house wall.
It had been about six months since the Resistance had fled to Naruel Island, after relocating every survivor they could find along the way – Eldian or not. By now the community was taking a definitive shape, as the settlement grew around them. Natalie had been indispensable, her Titan form allowing her to help with almost anything – from carrying large loads, to shaping the earth into suitable agricultural terrain. She had never complained, despite shifting almost every day – often twice a day – but by now they were starting to see it taking a heavy toll on her.
Her cheeks had somewhat hollowed out due to losing weight, despite her eating enough for three people; she had frequent nosebleeds and headaches even when she spent an entire day without transforming; and sometimes she was so weakened after a day of work, that she couldn't even extract herself from the Titan. Fortunately, by now Hange and Levi had spent enough time carefully examining the process of her coming out of the nape, to where they could avoid severing her limbs whenever they had to cut her out. It made the process a lot slower and more meticulous, but it was preferable to having her bedridden every time, while her hands and feet grew back.
Just as Jean had been contemplating that, the sound of a loud thud startled him, drawing his attention to the redhead. In the process of setting the trees down, she had collapsed to her knees, tried to stand and collapsed again. For a few moments they waited to see if she would emerge on her own, before realizing she was probably too exhausted for that. He was just about to suggest going to help her when he saw Hange and Levi rushing over, with the young man pulling Natalie out once the Commander had carefully carved her out of the nape.
"We have to stop this... at this rate they'll just end up killing her." he scowled, holding the barely breathing girl.
"I agree... I'll talk to Lenz. Until she's fully recovered, no more shifting." Hange nodded, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe the blood and sweat off Natalie's face.
"Don't..." the redhead whispered, despite being unable to move a muscle. "I can still—"
"All you can still do is rest." Levi cut her off. "I'm not asking you, I'm ordering you! No more turning until I say you can do it."
By the time they reached the house she had passed out and Levi had finally had enough. Ordering Mikasa and Sasha to look after her, he stormed out with an anxious Hange in tow only stopping when they found Lenz directing the woodcutters who were working on the trees Natalie had just brought along.
"Levi... wh-what are you...?" he gasped when the Captain grabbed him by the collar without any sort of warning.
"I told you this was pushing her too much! Are you trying to kill her?!"
"Wait, Levi!" Hange called out, rushing to grab him and pull him off the man.
"It's quite alright, Hange-san." Lenz replied, settling down after understanding what that outburst had been about. "I would have you both know that we didn't force her to do anything. Everything she has done for us has been her initiative."
"That's because you never refused her, you piece of shit!" Levi scowled, shoving Hange's hands away even if his blood was still boiling. "You'd rather let her push herself until she collapses."
"Lenz, we explained how much of a physical toll it takes on a shifter to turn into their Titan form and maintain it for so long." the Commander intervened with an uncharacteristically stern expression, before things escalated again. "I understand how you and the other people must view her. Even within the Walls, it was hard for people to accept that not all Titans are bad. I'm sure deep down you and everyone else would like nothing better than for her to disappear off the face of the earth. She may be a monster to you and the others in the Resistance. But to us she's an important friend; she's someone precious, whom we love and want to protect."
"I don't see why you're bothering to explain this to him... it's not going to make him see her any differently." Levi scoffed, walking back towards the house. "From now on, Hange and I are the only ones who decide what she's allowed to help with."
"...Is everything alright, Captain?" Conny inquired as Levi made his way back up the porch steps.
For a moment the young Captain silently contemplated the situation before looking over to him and Jean, prompting both of them to subconsciously straighten up.
"From now on Natalie isn't allowed to offer her help to anyone, unless Hange or I approve of it. You guys keep an eye on her and make sure these scumbags don't take advantage of her anymore."
With that he stepped back inside, leaving the two to share a concerned look. Dismissing the two girls as well, with the order to have Jean explain their shared task, he moved to stand over the still unconscious redhead.
"You're such a stupidly kind girl, you know that?" he said, reaching down to push her bangs back and gingerly caress her forehead with his thumb. "This is why everyone takes advantage of you, idiot... but don't worry. I won't let them do that anymore."
He had only meant to check on her and ascertain that she was alright, but now that he was there he just... didn't want to leave her side. Eventually heaving a sigh he pulled up a chair and sat down. Leaning against the backrest, he tilted his head back and again sighed at the ceiling like he wanted to expel his very soul. Sometimes everything felt like too much for him: too much worry, too much anxiety, too much death – too massive a burden to bear any longer. It all weighed too heavily on him, to the point where he often wondered if death wouldn't be easier.
But then he lowered his eyes back to Natalie and remembered he had a reason why he was still pushing forward. Why he still lived, instead of just letting one of those mindless beasts devour him. Why, at the end of the day, it was all still worth a damn thing.
~ oOo ~
It was well into the night when Natalie came back to her senses, to find Levi sitting by her bedside, arms crossed and eyes closed. She would have thought he was simply thinking, but the faint jolt in his shoulders when she called out to him told her he had fallen asleep. She knew of his insomnia and now felt bad that she had robbed him of a precious moment of rest.
"I'm sorry I woke you up, Cap—" she said softly.
"Never mind that... how are you feeling?" he cut her off.
"Better." she nodded, sitting up even though her body would have rather rested more.
"Hange and I talked to Lenz... from now on you're not allowed to offer any help unless we tell you it's alright to do it."
"I know everyone here thinks I'm just a monster, or a freak. I just... wanted to be useful..."
Sighing when she shrank into herself at his scolding, the young man reached out this time not for her head, but to grab her hand.
"You can't keep forcing yourself so much, or you'll die... do you understand?"
At first she didn't respond, too caught off guard by the sudden gesture, until she felt him squeezing her hand tighter.
"Natalie, do you understand?" he insisted, and this time she was certain she wasn't imagining the surge of emotion in his eyes and tone. "I don't want you to die!"
Only after she nodded did he settle down, and she would have missed his thumb stroking the back of her hand if she hadn't been so focused on the sensation of him holding it.
"I don't want you suffering for these people. They only rely on you, because they have no better choice. But they don't deserve you wasting away for them. I kept quiet so far because you were so passionate about helping everyone... but I promised to protect you. And that includes protecting you from yourself. From now on Hange and I will decide what you can help with around here; and that's only after you're fully recovered."
His words had been so heartfelt that all she could do was nod in agreement, feeling tears prickling at her eyes. When would she ever learn to stop worrying everyone and to stop angering Levi?
"I'm sorry..." she apologized again.
"Idiot... don't apologize. Just don't make us worry anymore; that's enough." he sighed, releasing her hand to stand. "I'll bring you something to eat and then you're going back to bed. That's an order."
Half an hour and three bowls of stew later, Natalie actually did feel much better than she had that day.
"Thank you, Captain..." she said, giving him back the empty bowl given that he had stayed there with her to make sure she ingested all the food.
"Now get some more sleep. I would rather you don't make me sit here all night, to make sure you rest. So be a good girl and do as I say." he retorted, plopping a hand onto her head as he spoke.
He wouldn't say it to not embarrass her further, but the fact that his words had made her blush gave him some reassurance that she was on her way to recovery. And yet, with all said and done, he had still ended up sitting by her bed to watch over her. Maybe he was too hung up on his past failure, maybe that was just him being overbearing or exaggeratedly cautious, but somehow it didn't feel wrong. After so many years, it felt nice to have someone to look after again.
~ oOo ~
It was the darkest hour of the night, just before dawn, when Natalie suddenly sprung up in bed startling Levi who had managed to doze off again just minutes before.
"What is it? Did you have a bad dream?"
When she failed to reply, only staring wide-eyed at nothing in particular, he furrowed his brow in concern.
"Hey, Natalie... what's the matter?"
At that he reached out to touch her shoulder, hoping it would snap her out of that catatonic state, only to suddenly find himself in a place he had hoped never to see again. He was still holding onto the redhead's shoulder as they now stood in the vast desert, beneath a pitch black sky, the only light source being the radiant energy pillar where the Paths converged.
In the same instant when Eren walked out of the light Levi felt his entire body clenching up. It seemed he hadn't bothered reverting back to his child self, and that simple fact was raising all sorts of red flags in the Captain's mind. And then his intuition was immediately proven right when Eren extended his arm forward, prompting Levi to tighten his hold onto Natalie's shoulder when she tried to take a step in that direction.
"I never imagined you were the jealous type, Levi." the young man smirked. "Then again, I'm not exactly surprised... I only want to talk to her face-to-face. I promise I'll give her back to you intact."
"Do you think I don't know what you're doing?" Levi scoffed, annoyed to no end that Eren could so easily get into his head.
"It's alright, Captain..." she nodded, reaching up to take hold of his hand. "Just come with me."
"Not like you have any other choice, really." Eren replied, his friendly façade shifting back to an emotionless stare. "You can't leave this place until I say you can."
While Natalie was trying her best to not show it, now that she was seeing him so closely, she could feel the full extent of the terror which had initially driven her away from Paradis. She couldn't even imagine how she would have coped with it if Levi hadn't been there with her, letting her draw from his strength.
"So? What did you want to talk about?" she asked, ignoring the subtle way he arched a brow at seeing how she was still crushing Levi's hand in a vice-like grip.
"You don't have to be afraid of me. They told you I want to devour you and take your power for myself, because I need it for the Rumbling. But that couldn't be more wrong."
His tone was eerily calm and he was clearly making an attempt to sound reassuring, but somehow the words were still devoid of any emotion.
"I just want you on my side. You've spent enough years roaming the Continent, seeing the worst of humanity, before you found your precious little village to protect. I know the others who have hosted your power before have shown you their memories. You know exactly how rotten this world is... it needs to be cleansed, it needs to start anew."
"That doesn't explain why you wan—" she began, her voice dying out when she suddenly realized she already knew the answer. "You're afraid... you're afraid I'll try to influence the previous host and have them change the future. That it will somehow make all of this impossible..."
It was near invisible, but she did notice the faint twitch in his brow which only assured her that she was correct. Now it made perfect sense! She was able to connect with everyone who had ever hosted her power, and had the opportunity to influence them into changing the course of history. He feared that and how it would affect his plans.
"Very well..." Eren replied to the thought taking shape in her mind, his ominous tone sending a chill down her spine. "If you're not with me, then by definition you are against me."
"Please..." she cut him off. "Don't you see this might be the only way to save you?"
"Save me? From what?" he retorted, arching an ironic brow. "I had hoped you could still see reason, but it looks like they've completely brainwashed you to their cause. I look forward to meeting you in person..."
A fleeting image of his mocking smirk was the last thing she saw before her gaze focused on the wooden wall of her bedroom. When she started hyperventilating now that she was no longer trying to keep up a brave front, she felt Levi's hand squeezing her shoulder again.
"Calm down." he said, waiting until her breathing had returned to normal before he got to his feet. "I'm going to talk to Hange... get some more sleep, if you can."
~ oOo ~
~ 857 ~
"Ahh... this is driving me crazy!"
Looking up from where he had been mending his harness, upon hearing Conny's outburst, Jean watched his friend pacing about for a moment before sighing and returning to his task.
"Not like we can do anything else, except wait and try to be as ready as we can."
Despite Eren's warning, he had made no move against the island or its inhabitants for the past two months. By now Jean could no longer tell if he was doing it intentionally, just to wear their psyches down with constant anxiety, or if there was something else delaying him. None of them had any hopes that he wouldn't one day arrive for Natalie, and though he was doing a better job of hiding it he did feel just like Conny and everyone else.
"I don't get how you can all be so calm!" the shorter soldier yelled in frustration, looking from him to Sasha who was enjoying a sandwich, then to Mikasa who had been doing sit-ups for the past hour. "How are you not stressed out at all, when you know that any day he could come here and destroy everything we've built? We all know that the moment he sets foot on this island, everyone here is dead! What can we do against him, anyhow?"
"Well... we still have Natalie..." Sasha suggested with a wry smile. "I'm sure she's going to help, if it comes down to a fight."
"She can't." Jean retorted. "What do you think we are here for? What do you think the goal of this Resistance is, anymore? It's all just so we can keep her away from Eren—"
"Say, Jean..." Conny cut him off. "Do you really believe in this mission?"
"Huh? What's that mean?"
"Do you really think we can do this? That we won't just die for nothing?"
At first the young man remained silent, only going back to tinkering with his harness.
"Does it matter what I think?" he said in the end. "All I know is that Eren can't get his hands on her... I didn't really understand everything Commander Hange said about influencing past hosts and all that crap; just that he absolutely cannot have her. So I believe in the Commander and in Captain Levi. If they say this is what we have to do, I'll do it."
Having arrived in the middle of the conversation Levi was now standing in front of the porch listening, his eyes fixed on the redhead seated against the wall of the house with her head lowered. Apparently she'd been eavesdropping, if the tears he could see dripping onto the floor between her legs were anything to go by. Well, it wasn't anything he hadn't expected, for the others to have doubts and regrets. After all, not everyone was truly ready to lay down their lives for a stranger, no matter how many times they claimed otherwise. He was certain Natalie knew that as well, but sometimes he did forget that she had always been much more sensitive than other soldiers.
On that thought he walked up the steps and silently went to sit next to her, his hand weighing on the back of her head. For a moment he debated whether or not to leave it at that, but his body seemed to decide quicker than his mind. Moving his arm to encompass her shoulders, he pulled her against his side until he could rest his cheek atop her head. He had suspected it would come to that, from the moment they had found out she was the last shifter, knowing how much she hated to endanger others for her sake. But now that it was happening, he could only hope she would find the strength to get through it without doing anything stupid.
~ oOo ~
"Come out, come out... wherever you are..."
With a gasp Natalie was startled awake, having recognized Eren's mock-sweet voice sounding like he was trying to coax a child out of hiding. At first she wondered why it was so dark, before turning to look out the window at the starry night sky.
'A dream...?' she mused with a relieved sigh.
She was just about to doze off again, when she thought she heard a distant roar echoing faintly over the island. Perking up again, she sat up in bed listening intently and within minutes she could have sworn she'd heard it again.
"Ready or not... here I come..."
The voice echoing in her head made her body clench in terror. She couldn't tell how long she sat there trembling, just that at some point she lunged out of bed tripping on the covers in her haste.
"Captain! Hange-san!" she screamed, trying to untangle herself from the bed sheets. "He's here!"
"What is it?" Hange called out as they and Levi appeared in the doorway. "Did you have a bad dream?"
"He's here!" she insisted, grabbing onto Levi when the young man walked over to help her up. "Eren... he's here!"
By now the others had gathered in the doorway as well, still looking disheveled from sleep.
"What's all this commotion?" Jean asked, trying to stifle a yawn. "Did Sasha's crappy excuse for a cake give you a nightmare?"
In the moment of silence that followed, Levi at last understood that the redhead's terror wasn't due to any nightmare. The horror imprinted on her face was much too real.
"Hange—" he called out.
The flash of lightning that momentarily filled the house blinded all of them for a moment, as if the sun itself had suddenly appeared right outside the window and then winked out of existence. Only an instant later the house shook from what felt like a shockwave, followed by the sound of breaking wood coming from outside and then screams going up all around the settlement.
"So it's finally time?" the Commander mused aloud, before turning to the others with a stern expression. "Gear up and be quick about it. By the sound of it, we'll have plenty of targets on our hands. Levi, you stay with Natalie... whatever happens, don't let Eren get to her."
"I don't need you telling me that. Just get going..."
He was just about to stand and get the redhead to her feet, when he too froze as Eren's voice echoed in his mind along with everyone else's.
"This is but a taste of what awaits you, unless you give me the Attack Titan. If you cooperate, I will show you mercy and allow you to continue living freely on this island. You have one hour to decide."
"Crap!" Hange scowled, walking past the others to get to their own room. "Get your gear on, now!"
As the Commander had predicted, by the time the group had gone out of the house a great part of the people had gathered outside. Behind them Natalie could see at least thirty Titans standing in the moonlight, none of them moving a muscle. At first she couldn't comprehend how Eren had brought them across the water, but the mangled corpses and the broken houses gave her the horrible understanding that they were part of the Eldians from the Resistance.
"What do we do?" one of the villagers questioned, as everyone stared at the creatures surrounding the settlement.
"We can't kill them..." another one called out. "They're our families!"
"And what do we do when they decide to eat us?!" a third one cut him off.
For a time silence fell after his words, before one of the women raised her voice to say exactly what Hange had feared the most.
"Maybe... we should let him have the girl..."
"Yes!" one of the men agreed. "If it means getting our families back to normal, let him have her!"
"If she really wants to help us, like she claims, she'll go with him!" another of the women chimed in.
"That's a low blow, Eren..." Jean spat out, his knuckles whitening as he grasped the hilts of his swords.
"Wh-why would you do this?!" Sasha called out to the villagers, in a rare outburst of anger. "After everything she's done for you... how can you give up on her this easily?!"
"That's right!" Conny agreed. "Without her, you'd still be sleeping all piled up in a handful of houses! You'd still be struggling to clear the land for your damn crops!"
"And what would you have us do?" one of the men cut him off. "If we try to defend her, he'll kill all of us!"
"Better to sacrifice one life than an entire community!" another one agreed. "For goodness' sake, we have women and children here!"
"If she really cares for our lives, she'll understand!" one of the women called out.
Though she hadn't said a word so far, Natalie knew all of them were right. She had always known she would never be a part of their community. But it was true: if she could save them all, just by letting Eren have her power... would that not have been the better choice? She had just steeled her resolve to do it, when Levi stepped in between her and the crowd right before she moved.
"I've had it with you pieces of shit!" he retorted, drawing both blades. "If you want to sacrifice her, you'll have to get through me. Anyone who thinks they can, is welcome to approach. Titans or humans, I have no problem killing when you force my hand."
"You should be fully aware by now, that once a person becomes a Titan there's no turning back." Hange appealed to them. "I know it's painful, but your family members are already as good as dead. And the only one you should be blaming for it is Eren, who did this to them. The least we can do is take them down, and put them out of their misery before they're forced to devour us all."
It was amidst the buzz of the confused crowd arguing amongst themselves, that Lenz and a few of his men finally showed up.
"Hange-san..." he called out, stepping up to the Commander to whisper in their ear. "He's brought three Colossal Titans with him. They're on the south edge of the island. If we start moving the people to the northern harbor now, we might still have a chance to evacuate."
"Alright." Hange agreed.
"So you have no intention of accepting my mercy..." Eren's voice interrupted them just as they were preparing to relay the evacuation order. "Very well... you have only yourselves to blame."
As if on cue, the Titans around the village stirred and within moments chaos ensued throughout the settlement. As quickly as Hange and the team had tried to dispatch them, two dozen people had still met their demise before Lenz and the Resistance members had managed to spread the order to evacuate towards the harbor.
"Captain, we—"
"We're not going to help them." he retorted, cutting off the redhead's plea. "My only job is keeping you out of Eren's hands. I don't intend to get sidetracked with trash that doesn't deserve my help... or yours."
It was almost two hours later that Lenz informed them the civilians had all been evacuated by horseback or in carts and were moving north to the ships, just as Hange and the others had dispatched the last Titan in the village.
"We should move north as well." Lenz suggested. "We have to try and protect everyone until they get on board."
"I agree..." Hange replied. "You, Mikasa and I are going to provide backup for Levi on the way there. If Eren decides to follow, he'll need our help."
"I'll go get the horses." Mikasa offered, rushing over towards the stables.
Though Natalie hadn't expected it, they all made it out of the settlement without any more interference. The way towards the harbor was eerily peaceful and yet she couldn't help feeling anxious. And then, just as they were approaching the northern edge of the island, they ran into one of the Resistance members. He looked badly burnt and was missing part of an arm, but it looked like he had tried riding back to the village.
"The Colossals..." he gasped, once Hange and Lenz had helped him off the horse. "They came... from the sea... destroyed... the ships..."
"What?" Hange scowled. "What about the people?"
All the man could do at that was shake his head, however, before succumbing to his injuries and leaving a paralyzing silence behind.
"Hange... hey, Hange..." Levi called out before sighing and kicking them in the shin. "This isn't the time to daydream! Are you going to give us orders, or do we wait here until the Colossals fry us all?"
"R-right..." the Commander replied, startled out of their daze.
Glancing around with a deep scowl, Hange finally spat in annoyance.
"Fuck it all... looks like we'll need to leave Natalie behind for a bit. We need to get to that harbor and see if there's anyone left to save."
"And then what?" Jean asked.
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there... we'll split into two groups. Levi, Mikasa and I will try to engage Eren. Do your best to avoid the Colossals and just try to get to Eren. Jean, you and the others follow Lenz' lead and try to save as many people as you can. Natalie will wait here along with any survivors we can send back."
Though the redhead wasn't certain it was the best plan, something in Hange's gaze told her that wasn't the full extent of it. And so she only nodded, rounding up the horses once the Commander had ordered the switch to ODM gear for faster movement. And yet, as hopeful as she wanted to be, watching Levi as he checked his harness made her heart squeeze like never before.
'Why... do I feel like this? Like it's the last time I'll see him... whose... whose pain is this?'
He had just moved to follow Hange and the others when she heard herself calling out as if someone else had forced their own words through her mouth.
"Wait... wait..." she whispered, her voice growing louder each time she said it until she all but screamed at him. "Wait! Levi!"
Startled he turned around just like the rest of the group, only to feel her colliding with him when she lunged forth, pressing her lips to his. For a split second he didn't know how to react, before his body moved on its own to wrap his arms around her. If he'd ever had any doubts as to what she felt for him, that kiss told him everything he had ever needed to know. All he could do, in the little amount of time they had left, was to try and show her that her love hadn't been for nothing. That it had reached him; that his heart had eventually mirrored her feelings, even if he had been too selfishly hung up on the past to tell her.
'Ah... you finally called my name...' he mused as she held desperately onto him, giving himself a moment longer to sink into that incredible warmth spreading through his chest in gentle waves.
He had wanted for a while now, to hear his name coming from her lips. How in the world had she guessed that?
"Thank you... for everything..." he whispered in her ear with a bittersweet smile.
'Took you long enough, dummies...' Hange mused with a wry smile of their own, as Levi moved to rejoin the group.
Left there to watch them go, Natalie pressed both her hands to her mouth as she let herself fall beneath the weight of her sorrow. More than his words, his tone had told her that he wouldn't survive that night... that he was ready and content to die for her sake. But more than even that, it pained her to know she'd had all that time and wasted it, when she could have used it for his sake. If only she had been braver and just told him...
"Don't go..." she sobbed, pressing her hands tighter over her mouth to not let him hear how pathetically weak she was. "Don't leave me... Levi... don't go..."
She couldn't tell how long she sat there in the middle of the road, crying and begging for him to not leave her. Only the sound of approaching thudding footsteps startled her out of that state and she looked up to see what appeared to be a Titan approaching her. It looked much smaller than a Colossal and it did cross her mind that it was Eren himself. Well, she had expected that he would personally come for her... but that didn't mean she couldn't try to reason with him. If anything, at least she didn't want Mikasa to go through the pain of losing the man she loved.
And yet just as she was about to open her mouth, she could swear she heard an eerily familiar voice speaking to her.
"You have to change it..."
It felt like her own thought, and at the same time like someone else was putting that idea into her head. And the pain of whoever was speaking was seeping into her; a soul crushing agony that left her feeling like a withered flower.
"Change it... you have to change it... this has to stop..."
She was so out of it that she even failed to notice the small figures leaping out of the shadows, one of them hooking into Eren's Titan to try and get at his nape.
"Levi!"
It was the sound of Hange's scream that snapped her out of that daze, and slowly her expression morphed into horror as she took in the sight before her. Countless spikes were now protruding from the back of Eren's Titan, one figure impaled on three of them.
"This has to stop... you have to change it... this has to stop..."
Again she felt like she was being lulled into that trance, when Hange landed a few steps away cradling a bloodied Levi in their arms.
"Natalie... can you look after him for a bit?" the Commander called out, laying him on the grass next to the road before hurrying back to where they had left Lenz and the others. "See if you can do anything to stop the bleeding!"
The sight of him got her body moving even while she barely felt like she was moving at all, as she crawled over to his side. So much... there was so much blood everywhere, seeped into his clothes, into the ground beneath him, that she couldn't even tell where his wounds were.
"This has to stop... it has to stop... you have to change it..."
Like a broken record that phrase kept replaying in her head, only interrupted when she saw Levi sitting up with great effort.
"Don't put me down for... death, just yet..." he gasped, ignoring the blood trickling from his mouth.
She had just taken hold of his shoulders to make him lie back down when she heard Jean calling out to Hange. In the same instant that she turned to the fight, she saw him pushing the Commander out of the way before taking a spike through the chest and going limp.
"Jean!" Conny cried out, his distraction costing him his own life when Eren grabbed him and smashed his body against the nearest tree.
"This has to stop... you know how to do it..."
As if those last words had hit a switch in her brain, she was finally aware of what she had to do. She couldn't and didn't even want to try and explain how she knew, but the sudden resolve she felt made her certain that one of the other hosts was there with her, steeling her for her final decision.
"No, Levi..." she said when he made to get up. "Listen to me... I need your help..."
"What—" he frowned, the sudden eerie calm in her tone sending a chill down his spine.
"I need you to kill me." she cut him off.
When his expression grew more and more horrified she grabbed his face between her hands.
"Please... I don't have time to explain it... I need you to do this for me." she begged. "You have to cut off my head and make sure I don't heal before I die. Please..."
At first he tried to pull away and had just opened his mouth to argue, when she tightened her hold on him and pressed her lips to his. She knew he was dying, even if he had denied it to spare her the pain – she knew it the moment she tasted the blood on his lips. The least she could do, then, was to die with him whether or not that helped change anything.
"If you ever loved me... then do this for me..." she whispered. "Don't leave me here alone... let me come with you..."
Startled when he grabbed the back of her head and pressed their foreheads together, she opened her eyes to see the tears trailing down his cheeks, mixing with the dirt and blood staining his skin.
"Alright..." he agreed.
As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew he wouldn't survive those wounds. He knew that none of them would live through the night; and Sasha's horrified scream as Eren finally got a hold of Hange to snap their body in half, only confirmed it. If that was the only way to at least save Natalie from being eaten alive, then he would do it while he had strength left. He would bear that sin into his grave, for her sake.
"Thank you... I love you..." she whispered after kissing him again, and the relief and adoration in her tone ripped into his heart worse than any blade ever could.
While he forced himself to his feet and grabbed the one sword that still had a blade left, the redhead took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
"You have to change it... you can stop this..."
The last thing she felt was the skin burning around her neck, then the soft grass against her cheek. She heard Levi coughing up blood then his body collapsing next to her; she heard him asking her to forgive him for failing to protect her again. She wanted to comfort him, to tell him that this was him protecting her, but she could no longer reply; her voice didn't work anymore.
When she opened her eyes again, she was alone in the empty desert with the bright tree somewhere far behind her. But now she could see the thread of light stretching from it, passing through her chest, its other end vanishing into the darkness of the horizon.
She was so sleepy... her eyelids felt heavy... so sleepy... was that what dying felt like?
The sound of a heavy footstep had her turning her dimming gaze up, to see her Titan standing over her. For a moment they stared into each other's eyes, before the massive beast nodded and reached down to grab onto the thread, its body slowly absorbed within the humming light.
Sleepy... she was so sleepy... but at least she had passed on the power, before Eren got to it.
'I would have... liked to see where it goes...' she pondered. 'I wonder... who will get it... if they'll... manage to change the future...'
Again she turned her gaze skyward, unable to move a muscle, and that prevented her from seeing that her own body had started melting into the light thread. All she knew was that it was warm – so incredibly warm. She didn't even have the strength left to speak, only hoping that her thoughts would somehow reach him across the void.
'Wait for me. Levi... wait for me...'