Character ages: Levi - 28; Natalie - 23; Erwin - 33; Hange - 25; Eld, Gunther - 23; Petra, Oluo - 20
Just one quick mention darlings, since I absolutely love talking to all of you I'll be adding replies to every review at the end of each chapter from here on (if I have any reviews to reply to, that is). So don't be afraid to leave a little comment, it really makes my day reading them and I'm always so happy to reply to everyone! :D
Also, starting next week we'll be going to regular one-chapter updates since the storylines will converge into one thread. I know I've been spoiling you with these first uploads, but don't worry the story will be just as entertaining~
Alright, so as always my lovelies, go ahead and enjoy this chapter and don't forget to toss me a little review, to let me know what you think~ ;)
P.S. All Attack on Titan characters belong to Isayama Hajime. I only own my OCs.
4. I failed again
~ 847 ~
It was early in the morning, while most of the Scouts were still having breakfast, and the fair haired Commander was enjoying a rare moment of peace along with his cup of tea. That was... until Levi barged into his office without even bothering to knock, looking less than pleased. And the reason was simple: the previous day, Erwin had told Natalie to report to Levi that morning and inform him that she was the newest addition to his team.
"Since when do you choose the people on my squad, Erwin?" he frowned.
At first they simply engaged in a silent staring contest, like two living statues. It was something Levi hadn't done since his first days in the Survey Corps, and Erwin found it both amusing and somewhat nostalgic.
"Hey, say something!" he demanded, slamming his hands on the desk. "You know we handle the most dangerous parts of our expeditions! What makes you think a rookie is fit for that? It hasn't even been a year since she joined... are you trying to get her killed?"
Seemingly undisturbed by the outburst, Erwin reached for the file on the right side of his workstation, opening it and picking out one of the papers within.
"This is the report from Ness, after our last expedition: "A total of nine solo kills and twelve assists" in just nine months. I would say that's fairly impressive for a rookie. If you want more details, you're welcome to read his report yourself."
Returning the paper to the file, he offered the whole dossier to Levi who could only scowl at the thing, like he had just been presented with a filthy rag. He was fully aware of her damn capabilities in battle and of how many kills she had already racked up 'in just nine months'. Even he found that impressive, it was true... but that still didn't mean he wanted her dying on his watch. Setting the file back onto the desk in the stubborn silence, Erwin stood and walked over to the window.
"Has she ever told you how she convinced me to let her join, after you berated me for pushing her too much?"
Glancing over his shoulder to see Levi's confused frown, he nodded with a knowing gaze.
"So she hasn't told you. When I agreed to grant her another audience, I told her that if she answered my question correctly, I would accept her transfer."
"...So what was this question?"
For a moment the Commander debated with himself, before smiling again and turning back to the window.
"You should ask her yourself... she seems fond of you. I don't think she'd refuse answering."
"Fine!" he finally snapped, knowing he had no argument against the Commander's judgment because they were both thinking the same thing. "If she dies I can tell Karl to ask you why it happened, right?"
"Very well." Erwin replied, his tone just as impeccably calm as ever.
"You piss me off, sometimes..."
With that venomous retort spat through clenched teeth, he stormed out of the office leaving Erwin to smile knowingly to himself. He hadn't really believed the rumors so far, but it seemed Levi had become quite a bit more emotional lately. But, while that had been a ploy for him to satisfy his own curiosity, he too agreed with Ness that the Special Ops was the best place for Natalie to fully utilize her talents. And he knew that, despite his anger at being overruled, Levi would help her to properly hone her skills and temper her into a fearsome soldier.
At the same time the young Captain had just returned to the mess hall where Natalie had been left standing awkwardly with the rest of his team. Petra had tried assuring her that if Erwin himself had told her she was to join them, there could be no mistake. But seeing Levi return, looking just as angry as he had left, she was now starting to wonder if maybe...
"Get your gear on; all five of you." he said, his ominously calm tone making everyone subconsciously straighten up in their seats. "We're doing a team exercise in half an hour. Don't be late..."
"Man, what's gotten the Captain so pissed this morning?" Eld sighed after he was certain he could no longer hear Levi's footsteps.
"At least it seems there really was no mistake..." Petra smiled awkwardly. "Welcome to the team, Natalie. Come on, let's get our gear."
At that she led the still confused redhead out of the hall, while informing her that she could move into her room in the female barracks.
"Being the only girl on a team of guys isn't always as fun as it sounds." she said with a soft sigh. "But now that you're here, things will definitely get more interesting."
Refusing to elaborate when Natalie asked her what she meant by that, Petra instead urged her to go grab her gear and reminded her that Levi absolutely hated tardiness. Once the entire team had gathered at the training field, the Captain took a moment to size them up before deciding how to do things.
"Tch... I can't believe we're taking this snotty-nosed brat on the team." Oluo muttered.
"Should I have her show you why she was chosen, Oluo?" Levi replied with a slight twitch of his brow at seeing that idiot was still trying to copy him, before gesturing for Natalie to step forth. "Very well... choose three of the squad members. You're in charge – I want to see ten napes sliced in one hour."
"Can I choose you then, Captain?"
Her retort caught him off guard enough that he had to make a conscious effort to not chuckle, the sound instead coming out more as a forced cough.
"Nice try, dummy... maybe when you're out of diapers."
"It was worth a shot." she shrugged with a good natured smile, before turning to face the other four.
For a bit she was silent, sizing them up much like Levi himself had when they had first joined. She had, of course, learned all she could about them and their individual skill sets as soon as Ness had hinted at recommending her for the Special Ops Squad.
"Then... Oluo-san, since he wants to test me so badly. And... Eld-san... and Petra-san."
"Looks like you get to sit this one out, Gunther." Levi concluded, gesturing for the young man to join him. "We'll go check if the training dummies are ready; then I'll let you know when the timer starts."
Once the two were gone, Natalie took a deep breath and turned her attention back to her team.
"Alright, let's see..." she pondered. "The goal set by Captain Levi isn't that high, so then why do we need so much time? Hmm... that has to be it... right?"
"Care to share your theory?" Eld replied, sharing an amused smile with Petra.
"I'm willing to bet anything the Captain's going to have another team tailing us and trying to steal our kills." she stated still sounding pensive, until she suddenly gasped. "That's it... that's why it's a four-man team! Alright, the first thing we need is a lookout."
"Huh?" Oluo blinked. "What's that got to do with killing Titans?"
"This isn't a test to kill Titans... we can all do that just fine on our own. What the Captain wants to see, is teamwork."
"That's actually a good point..." Eld agreed. "Now that you mention it, it does seem weird that he'd give us that much time for just ten dummies."
"Then? What's the plan?" Petra inquired, looking eager to go.
At first they all blinked when Natalie raised three fingers at them.
"Legs... arms... nape..." she counted. "And one lookout, to warn us and to keep the other team from interfering... that's why the Captain wanted four people for this."
Looking them over once more, she nodded to herself before speaking her mind.
"Oluo-san, you'll be the lookout. This way you can see how I do and help the team; your job is to warn us in time, or do whatever it takes to stop them. Eld-san... you go for the legs. Physically you're the strongest of us, so attuning this to a real-life situation, you're the best suited to incapacitating a Titan. Petra-san, you go for the napes; your cuts are the most precise and you're the third most agile on the team. I'll go for the arms..."
"Wait, third?" the young woman asked in clear confusion.
"Well Captain Levi would be the first one there... and... I would rank second in that." the redhead replied, her cheeks turning pink in embarrassment. "But I'm not as precise in my cuts as him or you, nor am I as strong as Eld-san or the others. So I'm best suited to get the arms, because in a real situation I'd be the most difficult for a Titan to grab."
"You could still go for some of the napes, if you want the Captain to see your skills at work." Eld argued.
"He's already seen them; that's why I'm here right now. But that's not why Captain Levi organized this exercise. I just want to finish this as quickly and efficiently as possible. So long as none of us stray from our tasks, we'll do just fine."
With Gunther signaling for them to follow him into the forest, the redhead walked away leaving the others to exchange wary glances.
"I really hope this plan of hers works." Eld sighed before moving to follow her.
"I'll bet my dinner it doesn't." Oluo replied with a smug grin.
"Don't you dare mess this up on purpose, alright?" Petra scolded him.
"Fret not, I won't need to. What do you say, Eld? Is it a bet?"
"Ugh, just stop trying to copy Captain Levi already. You're unbearable..."
"Alright, you're on." Eld smirked. "I've got a good feeling about this."
"Ready?" Levi inquired upon seeing the four approaching him. "Gunther and I will be following at a distance to see how you handle this."
Once he had ordered them to begin and the four had taken to the air, he gave them a few moments to get ahead before nodding to Gunther and moving to follow. This... would be interesting to watch.
"Alright... Oluo-san, make sure you try to stay as hidden as possible." Natalie called out. "If we're really being followed, we don't want the other team to know from the start that we have a lookout."
"And if it turns out there is no other team?" Eld inquired. "What do we do then?"
"We'll worry about that after we're certain. They'll probably let us hit the first couple targets, just so we lower our guard. Pay attention around you at all times."
"This might actually work..." Petra nodded, exchanging a hopeful smile with Eld.
She did feel kind of bad that Natalie had to be put through that just because Oluo was a spoiled brat, and she hoped everything went without a hitch. Her initial good feeling about Natalie had only been confirmed when Erwin had chosen her for their team, and she couldn't be more proud of their new teammate if the girl had been her own sister.
As they approached the first target, Levi had stopped in a nearby tree watching carefully. It was time to see if she really was as intelligent as everyone had made her out to be. But more than that, he wanted to see if she could handle working with his team. At first he was a bit confused when he saw Oluo breaking off from the group, following the man with his gaze. Still, his body language was easy enough to read as he stopped on the nearest branch and concealed himself in the leaves, splitting his attention between the surrounding forest and the rest of the team.
'So you figured it out, huh?' he mused, turning his eyes back to Natalie and the others. 'Well, let's see how you split them between the four of you.'
His initial thought vanished into the back of his mind, however, when he saw Eld lunging downwards toward the dummy's base. Almost at the same time Natalie followed by hitting its middle, and then Petra finished by taking out the nape.
'What... is this?'
He'd never actually seen a team hitting those three spots in such a concerted manner, and he couldn't wait to hear the reasoning behind their plan after the exercise was over. Like a well oiled machine the group moved throughout the forest, hitting target after target. As soon as they approached the third dummy, as Natalie had predicted, a second team showed up to try and disrupt them. But thanks to Oluo's warnings and efforts to keep the other group away, they were able to avoid missing any of the wooden figures, even managing to finish ten minutes before the hour mark.
"So?" Levi questioned them as soon as the whole team had gathered around. "Did you guys learn anything from this?"
"Sure did." Eld grinned. "I learned that Oluo owes me dinner."
"No, we learned that Natalie is a very intelligent strategist." Petra scolded him, elbowing the blond in the ribs when Levi arched a brow at his second-in-command's comment. "And that she works really well with us, so we have no reason to worry about her disrupting our teamwork out there."
"I mean... I wasn't really worried about that." he protested, rubbing his side. "Oluo's the one who acted all smug about it."
"Tch... can you blame me for that?" the man in question huffed, looking away with a pout. "She may have spent all those years in the Military Police, but in the Survey Corps she's still a rookie."
While Petra and Gunther rolled their eyes at that, Levi silently gestured for Natalie to follow him before heading back towards the barracks. She had been subjected to Oluo's bratty attitude long enough for her first day.
"What? What did I say?" Oluo called out, watching as the rest of his team moved to follow their Captain.
~ oOo ~
After a full report to Levi regarding how she had strategized that morning's exercise, Natalie had officially moved into Petra's room at the barracks. The rest of her day had been spent tending to Ran, whom she had been slightly neglecting recently. But that evening after dinner, she had just gotten to her feet to return her dish to the kitchen with the others, when Levi startled her by grabbing her wrist when she walked past his seat.
"Sit down... the rest of you are dismissed." he said without actually looking at them. "And make sure you replace those broken dummies tomorrow, Oluo."
Though confused, Natalie gave Petra her dish when the woman offered to take it and moved to sit in the nearest chair. Taking a sip of his tea while the others vacated the mess hall with Oluo complaining about his task, he finally turned his gaze to the redhead after setting the cup down.
"I'm in the mood for a story tonight. So... what's yours?"
"I... I'm not sure I understand, Captain..." she blinked, wondering where he was going with that.
"I told you my sob story... sorry I don't have a cozy fire for you, but it's your turn. Why did you join the Survey Corps? Why would you leave a safe, comfortable life behind for this? And don't give me that shit about people trying to grope you. You'll have to lie better than that... because your name isn't exactly a secret. Your father's one of the wealthiest merchants in Wall Sina, isn't he?"
At first she could only stare at him, her disarmed expression giving him all the confirmation he needed.
"Nothing gets by you, does it, Captain?" she eventually huffed with a bittersweet smile.
She had never expected that he would even remember their conversation by the fire from all those months ago, much less bring it up again. Had it really meant so much to him, to have someone listen? Was she... not the only one who had considered it important?
"...I'm not sure that's a reason to blush, though."
His retort startled her and she realized her train of thought had seriously derailed, leaving her to cover her cheeks and lower her forehead to the table to try and hide her face.
"I apologize, Captain..." she muttered, her cheeks burning even hotter now with the added shame.
At first Levi said nothing more, only watching her in the deep silence. Was he waiting to hear something more from her? He couldn't tell, but even just sitting with her like that felt comfortable in some way. It was something he certainly hadn't felt since his friends' deaths and... he longed for that feeling. The curiosity Erwin had piqued in him that morning still burned his chest, and yet he just didn't want to break that silence. Not yet... he just wanted to stay like that a little longer... just a little longer...
"Better?" he inquired when she finally looked up at him, making no attempt to mask the fact that he hadn't taken his eyes off her.
"Yes, I apologize..." she replied softly, straightening up in her seat. "I was just thinking of... something silly..."
'I won't say I already know what you were thinking, but... I think I have a pretty good guess.' he mused, taking another sip of his tea.
"What do you fight for, Captain?" she asked out of the blue, prompting him to frown in confusion.
"I thought it was your turn to tell the story."
"Humor me... please..."
Try as he might, he couldn't guess what she was getting at. But he could read the need in her eyes like an open book. Because at one point, he too had felt the same thing: the need for validation; the need for a kindred spirit, for another human to care that you existed, to care about your thoughts. It was insane to him that she would ever feel like that, when Karl loved her more than anything in the world, but his intuition told him that he wasn't wrong.
'Or... is that not the kind of connection you want?' he contemplated, before deciding to offer an answer. "I suppose I do it, to some degree, for humanity... but if you don't have a personal reason to go along with that, you won't last long in the Survey Corps. As for me, I suppose my personal reason right now is my squad and my own curiosity."
"Curiosity?"
"When I said I lost to Erwin, I wasn't talking about our fight. Erwin... sees something that I can't even fathom. I want to one day find out what that is."
"Then you have a much better reason than I do..." the redhead smiled lightly. "Mine seems so childish by comparison; I'm wondering if it's even worth the time it would take to tell you."
"Let me be the judge of that."
"I suppose... from the outside it would look as though I'm simply trying to follow in my brother's footsteps. Or that I'm a suicidal idiot, depending on who you ask. But the truth is... it's nothing so noble as humanity's victory, or honor, or even just killing the monsters who have been terrorizing us for a century."
At that she lowered her eyes to her hands clasped upon the table, her smile taking on a note Levi wasn't sure how to read. Was it hopeful? Sad? Ashamed, maybe?
"I just... wanted to be free." she at last said, her voice barely louder than a whisper.
It was incredible to him how, with just a handful of words, she had made him relive all of his years in the Underground; all of his bottled up desire to one day live above, in the light; to be free of the darkness he had known since birth. The same desire that had driven his friends to death and him to a life of guilt and regret.
"And what's wrong with that?" he retorted in the end, his eyes fixed on the leftover tea in his cup. "Wanting freedom isn't something you should be ashamed of. You just have to be ready to sacrifice whatever it takes to get it... to pay the price it demands."
Only after drinking that last sip, did he turn his eyes back to the redhead to find her staring at him – and he knew she had understood. He was not only giving her the validation she wanted, but also letting her know they stood on common ground in their selfish desire.
"Aren't we a sad pair?"
It wasn't so much her reply, as the particular way in which her expression softened, that convinced him this was the right moment to satisfy his curiosity.
"Erwin didn't choose you because you were a hero, or because you were selfless. He chose you because he saw something in you; something no one else could. I am curious though... he said that when he allowed you to join the Survey Corps, he asked you a question."
"You want to know what I told him?" she smiled knowingly, only speaking again after the young Captain had nodded. "He asked me: Could you die, if you were ordered to? He said that if I answered correctly, he would accept my transfer without any other questions."
"...And?"
"I told him that I could... but I won't."
'So in the end we're all just selfish bastards here.' Levi huffed, a trace of smile gracing his lips for a moment before he reached for the teapot to pour himself another cup.
"He huffed and smiled just like you, when I answered." Natalie went on, drawing his focus again. "Then he told me that Karl said the same thing, when he was asked that question."
"That's because it doesn't happen often that we find someone so well suited for the Survey Corps. With you, it looks like it runs in the family. But at least I'm relieved to know you'll do well on my team."
"If I do, I have you to thank for that."
Her answer caught him off guard and left him staring at her complicated smile. Did she...? Did she really remember that day? Was that what she meant?
"I... don't think I ever got to properly thank you. For what you did that day..."
"...You remember?" he asked, and for once there was more emotion spilling into his tone than he had intended.
"I went back there the next time I could sneak out of the house." she nodded with a tragically bittersweet smile. "I went back to that alley countless times, hoping I could one day see you again. I always brought food or clothes with me, thinking I could give them to you. But you never came back..."
When he failed to reply she raised her eyes to find him staring at her with the same wide-eyed gaze she recalled from that day so long ago. Some things really hadn't changed about him; as far as she could remember from their interaction, at least.
"I never told anyone about you... when my parents asked what happened to my clothes, I just said I lost them. But I knew I had you to thank for whatever I managed to accomplish in the future. That without you I wouldn't be here today, I wouldn't have made it this far; I might not even be alive anymore. So I'll do everything in my power to repay you. Maybe you didn't think much of what you did back then, but to me you saved my life. And maybe you never meant that, but... you made me feel important, for a moment."
~ oOo ~
The formation had been riding for the better part of that day, with the goal of reaching an abandoned village south of the forest they were approaching. With it being Natalie's first official expedition as part of Levi's team, she was understandably nervous and hyperaware of the tiniest movement around them. She absolutely couldn't afford to mess it up and discredit Erwin's choice. The first blast of a warning flare made her heart jump and as she looked over her shoulder she heard several others going up, watching as the red smoke trailed towards the sky before dissipating on the breeze.
"How many?" Levi asked, as if knowing that she was counting them.
"Six."
She didn't think anyone else had heard her over the wind whipping past her ears and the thunder of the horses' hoofs, but a moment later she heard Erwin speaking from where he was riding just ahead of them.
"Levi... take your squad through the forest and find a good spot for an ambush. Hange, you'll lead the pack inside where the others will kill them. The rest of the squads will go around."
"Ya-hoo!" Hange cheered, immediately leading their team to split from the rest of the Scouts and go around to the back of the formation to serve as bait.
Though she had seen the Commander's intellect at work before, to Natalie it was still amazing how he could adjust his strategy on the fly while making it seem so effortless.
"Hey... pay attention!" Levi called out, startling her into noticing her group was already gradually breaking off from the main formation.
"Don't worry, you'll do fine!" Petra reassured her as soon as she had caught up to them.
When Eld suggested a small clearance further ahead on the path, the team stopped to tether the horses off-road.
"Just don't end up in a Titan's belly... no heroics and no flashy crap from any of you." the Captain instructed them.
Following him and the others up into the trees, Natalie took her position on a large branch with a deep breath meant to calm her fried nerves. Though it was only a few minutes of waiting, to her it seemed like forever before she heard Hange's cheerful taunts followed by Moblit begging the researcher to not be so reckless.
'Alright... I can do this... I've killed more of them already.' she nodded to herself, standing and readying her swords.
It was mere chance that she looked across the road to see Eld gesturing for her to follow him. Watching as he leapt out of the tree and anchored himself into the largest Titan in the group, she followed suit by hooking into its shoulder. In the couple of seconds it took for her cables to reel her in towards her target, Eld had already descended to go for the ankles. Knowing she only had an instant to decide her next move, she looked for Petra but the woman was already engaging one of the smaller creatures.
'Alright then...' she mused, waiting until her prey had fallen flat on its face before hooking into its back and going for the nape.
"Okay, next one!" Eld called out.
"Hey, hey... leave some for me!" Hange cheered, having left the team behind to tether their horses and rushed back to join the fun.
Natalie had just retreated up on a branch to reassess the battlefield before she followed Eld, when she thought she caught a glimpse of movement in the shadows. Turning away from the show Hange was making by playing bait for one of the Titans, she squinted to try and adjust her sight to the darkness. But by the time she saw the rest of the Titans approaching them, everything happened faster than her brain could process it.
She heard herself shouting Hange's name just as one of the creatures reached out trying to grab the Section Commander off the road. In the instant it took for the others to regain their wits, Natalie's body moved on its own. She saw everything in slow motion – her foot slamming into Hange's back to shove them out of the way, and then that terrifyingly large hand closing around her.
Before her mind had caught up with the situation, she heard the sickening cracks of her ribs breaking under the pressure just a moment before the pain made her scream. It was such a heavy strain that she wondered for a moment if her entire body would explode. Then an unfamiliar tension began building up her windpipe taking her voice away and – gradually – also her ability to breathe, and at last she hacked up a mouthful of blood onto the Titan's hand. However, it was only a moment later that the crushing limb released her. At first she couldn't tell what had happened, until Levi caught her before she fell to the ground below.
'I should've known... you're always there to save me. Huh...? What am I... saying? Whose thoughts... are these?'
By the time he had landed with her she no longer had any voice left to scream or even speak. In fact she could barely draw air at that point and she felt an odd exhaustion trying to overtake her. She saw Levi's lips moving as she lay in his arms, feeling the stream of warm blood flowing from her mouth and down her neck. Was he calling her name? Asking her to stay awake? She didn't know, she couldn't really hear anymore and her eyes were growing dimmer by the second.
"Natalie! Hey... Natalie!"
Over and over he called her name, like that would somehow make the blood stop; as if it would somehow magically keep her alive. But in his heart he already knew she was done. He could feel how her entire ribcage had caved in, and yet he couldn't bring himself to set her down even after Petra had asked him to.
"Captain..." the young woman whispered, her voice choked and unsteady. "She's..."
At the confirmation that he had lost her, the same as he had lost his friends before, he could only squeeze her lifeless body closer. He had clung so tightly onto that girl, because to him she was both of the friends he hadn't protected before. Because he had felt that taking care of her would ease the burden of his failure. He had known she wasn't ready; despite all her achievements, his intuition had warned him that it was too early. Why had he listened to Erwin? Why had he let Erwin overrule him?!
"Memories of regret will only dull your decisions. And then you'll begin to let others make your choices for you." the man's warning from back then echoed in his mind.
'Again...' he gritted his teeth to try and keep his emotions in check. 'Isabel... Furlan... I failed again...'
Sooo today's replies for my lovely reviewers :D
1. srif - I'm so incredibly happy that you liked these first chapters, darling! It's only the start of a long and I hope enjoyable journey, so stay tuned every week for new updates!
2. Ana Kookie - Thank you so very much for your kind words, love! I really hope the rest of the story will keep you just as entertained and curious up until the end!
So these are my replies for today. Cheers, lovelies~ ( ˘ ³˘)❤