"This is so your family Livvy Lou." Erin said lying in the hospital bed with her as they watch Brothers & Sisters.
"If you take out the philandering father, less mental health issues, and more racial diversity then yes." She ate some popcorn.
"Besides Owen's hotter than Balthazar Getty." Erin said reaching into the popcorn bag.
"That's gross E." Liv's nose wrinkles.
Kelly chuckles shoving off the door frame. "Cup of sugar for my sugar." He walks over and hands Liv a vanilla bean frappe. "Yes, I know your Star Bucks order and you know mine somewhere in that head of yours." He smiled at her.
He climbs up lying on the other side of the bed. "Hey Erin."
"I watched the vow while you were gone." Liv tattles on herself glancing over at Kelly
"I told you not too!"
"I cried." She admits sheepishly.
"I knew you would." He shook his head at her.
"How?"
"I'm your boyfriend. We've been over that part. The Oral B commercial with the Dads makes you cry." He tells her as though the commercial will strike a chord.
She shrugged."I still say you look like one of Erin's victims."
"Victims? I resent that." Erin scowled at her.
"Erin Lindsay, cop and man eater you know this." She retorts smartly.
Erin's phone rings. "Detective Lindsay, yes ok I'm on my way. I was checking in on my Liv." She kisses Liv's forehead. "I love you tell me what happens." She points to the lap top where they are watching Liv's Netflix queue.
"If I can remember it!" She says as she leaves.
"You made a self-deprecating joke you are coming back." Kelly said.
"Rainey won't see me." She said and picked restlessly at the blanket laying over her.
"Honey Rainey won't see anyone."
"She shouldn't have lost her leg I should have fixed it."
"Olivia, you were covered in three feet of concrete and debris and you had a head injury. You always tell me I'm not Super Man and I'd look stupid wearing my underwear outside my pants when I take myself to serious. It applies here!" he brushes a lock of hair behind her and watches her closely wondering what she's thinking.
"My head hurts and Carver says I need cognitive therapy before I can go back to work."
"Carver?" Kelly knows he's heard the name before in passing.
"Is the best neurologist in the state as well as my ex."
"Okay." He'd prefer the best neurologist in the state hadn't seen his girl naked but beggars can't be choosers. "I'm no doctor but I thought we could try a few things to jog a memory."
He pulls out his phone and plays "All of Me." By John Legend.
"Sound familiar?" she rests her head on his shoulder.
"Slightly."
"You always have a lingering scent of wood smoke and soap. It's soothing, I feel safe but I have no clue why." She said softly closing her eyes.
"It'll come to you." He whispers back.
"Why does the last text I sent you say "Bite me Severide?" She asked never opening her eyes.
"You were mad at me." He smiled kissing her forehead.
"Why?"
"Because I messed your "I love you." Moment by not saying it back."
She opens her eyes "oh well, your sick bed confession makes sense now, I suppose you are either killer in bed or a keeper because the only men I've told I loved them are my dad and brothers."
"I'm both." He grinned.
"You're an ass." She swatted his shoulder.
"You tell me that a lot." He confesses through laughter.
"How long have we been together?"
He takes his thumb and tries to smooth out the quirk in her brow. "Six months last week. You slept through it." He runs his thumb down the line of her nose and over her lips.
"Makes me sad I can't remember anything."
"Here." He hands her his phone. "Look through it."
She comes to the first photo. She sits in her chair he stands behind her leaned down into the frame. You can see a Ferris wheel lit up behind them.
"The Make a Wish Chicago Children's Hospital fundraiser." He answers her unasked question.
Next was a picture of Hadley and Liv standing next to a potty chair with prideful smiles.
"You potty trained Hadley for your mom."
"And you felt the need to commemorate it in a photo? Alright now I know I must love you!" She smiled up at him.
"It was an accomplishment only like ten accidents over 3 days."
"Do you want kids?" She looks over at him and shoots him a grin.
"You've never asked me that."
"Uh sorry…" She shook her head.
"No, its fine yes I want kids."
"Do you?"
"Yes, I want to adopt as well as have my own."
"What's your stopping number?" he asked
Her answer is confident this she knows. "Six."
"Nice round number." She flips to the next picture. She sits in his car his cubs cap on her pony tailed head. Shades on and sunlight streaming in around her.
"Road trip… Damn you look good there." He looks over shoulder
She has a vague impression of bare skin beneath her hands. "Didn't we…"
"Do it in back seat on the side of the road? Yeah."
In the next four she's some form of naked. "Kelly!"
"No one's seen them I swear." He grins at her all white teeth and glittery eyes. Her heart stutters a bit.
Then there's a picture of them kissing in Molly's Bar. She stares at it hard. She knows it's inappropriate but suddenly she has the overwhelming urge to know the feel of his lips and the scraping sensation of his 5 o'clock shadow on her skin.
"What?"
"Nothing." She shakes her head and swallows hard.
"No what?" He pushes.
"It's going to sound stupid."
"Try me baby."
"Can I kiss you?" she asks blush creeping into her cheeks.
"Just a second."
He stands and ditches his jacket and his shoes.
"Getting pretty comfortable for just a kiss Kell." She said.
"Kell… yep it's coming back. You have never kissed you; it won't stop at just one." He pulls back the covers.
She laughed. "Did you a really just work a potato chip jingle into conversation."
"I guess I did, scooch over you always take your half out of the middle."
"It's a twin bed!" She points out but scoots over and he lies beside her. He turns and reaches out to caress her cheek, He kisses her gently little more than a peck when she leans and kisses him back his hand curls around the side of her neck and into her hair. He pulls her to him deepening the kiss.
He hears her sharp intake of breath and reminds himself to go slow for him it's something he's missed but for her it's new again. He lets her take control of the situation.
/-/-/-
He tastes like pumpkin latte and chocolate. She pulls on his shirt to get him closer. He pulls her so she's lying on top of him.
Her hair curtains his face as they go back to kissing. He breaks the kiss and presses a wonky line of kisses down her jaw to her neck.
"Livvy, you are going to need to tell me when to stop," his word are muffled against her vanilla scented skin.
"Don't. I'm- I'm good, touch me. Please…i- oooh you know about the spot behind my ear." She laughs and his pulse jumps.
"Boyfriend." He mutters as He wads her tank top up in one hand and pulls up to get his hand under. His short nails scrape and tickle up and down her back. He secures one hand on the back of her neck. He kisses her hard. He's quickly losing hold on the situation but he can't make himself care because whatever Liv's mind doesn't remember her body sure as hell does.
He rolls his hips into hers and she moves a hand lower to place against the hard line in his jeans.
"Is it always like this?" she asks panting with a laugh. She kisses down his chin and over his Adam's apple to edge of his clavicle hidden beneath the collar of his dark green Henley shirt.
"Every time. We've got chemistry in spades Babe." He lazily threads his fingers in her hair.
"We can't do this; I don't think I'm cleared for this kinda thing. And it's the hospital." She said not looking up too intent on driving him crazy
"We've had sex here before. On call room, break room and your office floor."
"Really?" this does make her head snap up
He tugs her hair and pulls her back up to meet his mouth in a quick messy kiss. "Really, you're going to have to say the actual word stop Liv, I'm faithful but I'm also a bit of nympho and it's been a while."
She laughs and he goes to work forming a hickey on her shoulder. "Fuck how do I keep my hands off you?"
"You don't. I like it that way, use those hands however you want Doc." His smile falls on her skin.
"Stop!" Comes an irritated male voice. They break apart. Cole looks angry but Kelly can't make himself care because Liv with her mussed hair kissed to fullness lips and a blush creeping into her face she's never looked better to him. In this moment his chest is tight with just how much he loves her he'll never feel bad about that.
"Hi Daddy." She tries to pull off a smile but it falls flat.
"Olivia." He said tersely.
"And I gotta go." Kelly gets up.
"Coward." Liv retorts.
"No really my sick leave is up I took a swing shift." He said throwing on his jacket.
"What do you do?" She finger combs her hair fixing the spots he'd touched and pulled. Kelly will never admit this to anyone but it makes him sad to see it.
"I'm a fire fighter babe." He answers distractedly while stepping into his boots and tying the laces.
"Oh ok then."
He kissed her. "I love you."
"I believe that. Is it okay to say be careful?" She tilts her head in question.
"You do it every day Liv." He answers laughing and smiles.
"Then be careful Kelly."
"I will love you."
"See ya Cole." Kelly said and Liv's laughter follows him out the door.
"Dad," She whispered as Kelly disappeared from view. "I'm dating a firefighter."
"I know that, you don't have to whisper."
"Did your head explode?"
"Almost. As long as you're happy baby, but yeah almost." He kissed her temple.
"I think I was happy."
"You were and are happy."
=/-/-./-/-
"Look I understand your reluctance but we are practically living together as it is and they aren't going to release her on her own recognizance because right now she has none. The two of you have Rainey and six other kids to deal with at home. I promise to take care of her." He says as they stand outside her hospital room.
"You are living together?" Cole asked.
"We didn't label it but she has- had a key before losing them in the collapse." He stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels.
"Where's my tooth brush?" she called out.
"You have one at my place Babe." He hollers back.
"Cole Liv is thirty; she can do as she pleases." Mara points out.
"Do you intend to marry my daughter? I mean you were living together and you refused to tell her you loved her so what was or is your next step? Because my daughter is not meant to be some man's pit stop. "He said firmly.
Kelly looks down at his feet slightly uncomfortable with the topic as much as he plans to spend his life with her because he is committed to her marriage something he doesn't think will work for him. "I need Liv to remember she loves me before anything else." He looks back up.
"You want the truth? I learned a long time ago I'm not the marrying kind; it's just paper and ink. I am committed to Livvy, you don't like me that's fine you don't have too but I am not going anywhere I am going to build a life with Liv we might get married we might not. Right now, I just want to take care of her." He holds the eye contact until Cole nods and looks away.
-/-/-/-
"I live here?" She looks around the ultra-modern loft apartment.
He flips on the lights and wheels her into the living room. "Pretty much, the last time you slept at your house was when you and Viv got drunk at Molly's."
"I don't remember that, how drunk? And who the fuck is Molly?"
"Not very we made out all night and ate pizza while we laughed at Mills and Molly's is a bar."
"I made out with you in a bar? Huh, haven't done that since college." She looks up the stairs "Who's up there?"
"Shay and I used to but I switched with Otis when we got serious.
"Is there anything we haven't done?" she changes the subject.
"Uh," he leaned down and whispered. "Anal. That's about it though."
"I'm a trollop!"
"No, you're just very comfortable in your skin and are sexually expressive and that's perfectly healthy." He provides.
"You're a total slut and he made you that way, but he's like a 20 on the scale and you are happy go with it!" Erin said dropping a bag by Liv's feet."
"Explain the damn scale Olivia!"
"Can't its sacred. Sorry Kelly…is it Benjamin?"
"Yes!" He smiled.
/=/=/=/=
Kelly and Shay are both working so she walks around the house in total silence looking around. There's a picture of she and Kelly on his bedside table. They look happy, she looks like she belongs there with him in his arms smiling brightly at the camera but none of it pushes forward any memory.
"Hey," comes from close behind her softly spoken barely qualifying as a word.
"Viv, you scared me be louder."
"What ya doin Deuce?" She sits on the edge of the bed.
"Deuce? Finally something I remember!"
"Could be worse, you could be Quattro like me."
"Think they'll ever stop numbering us?"
"Doubt it. What ya doing in here?"
"Trying to remember, what if it never comes back Vivi?
"Don't!"
"I'm a doctor I know-"
"Don't say it! You say it and it'll have power."
"I know that I love- loved him I can feel that I just can't remember anything of how we got here. To living together and having a life. I'm scared because the way he looks at me, like he can't breathe without me makes me want it but it doesn't bring anything back!" Her voice breaks and tears swim in her eyes.
She sniffs the tears back. "How'd I meet him?"
"He rescued you. Literally, wanna go have some lunch?"
"That's one hot Knight…" she said glancing at the picture.
"I'm gayer than Adam Lambert and I've considered doing Severide." Vivi admits grinning.
"And on that note you're buying me lunch."
-/-/-/-
"This is firehouse 51?" Liv asked a young black man washing a truck.
"Livvy!" He responds. She gives him a blank look. "Oh right short term memory wiped. "I'm Peter Mills. I'll get Severide for you! How you been?"
"I'm alive."
"Liv! Hey baby, what are you doing here?" He walked toward her.
"Carve said I need to stick to my routines and apparently I bring you lunch a lot, and other than getting lost I did fine."
"Are you alright? Do you feel confused, disoriented?" he kissed her cheek.
"Dawson! Come check out my girl please."
Dawson jumps out of the ambulance.
"No, please there's no need to call in the Calvary a little confusion is normal. I'm not feeling faint or dizzy I'm fine. So please take your burger before it gets cold and shut up." She shoves the bag into his hands.
"Stop doctoring yourself Babe." He chastises.
"Kelly if I don't remember stuff soon they're not going to let me be a doctor and I know you are concerned and love me but please stop squinting at me like that I know you are checking pupillary reflexes." She yells and Mills and Dawson stare awkwardly off to other places.
"Fine, come with me." He leads her back to his quarters.
He slams the door behind them. "You wanna know what I want to do Livvy, I want to kiss you every single time I see you I want to kiss you it's my gut instinct but they keep telling me not to confuse you with my emotions, my wants, my needs!" he pitches the burger bag on to his desk.
"What do you want? What do you need?" She retorts arms crossed.
"Right now," He leans on the arms of her chair crowding into her space. She can smell the spearmint of his gum. "My immediate want is to skip lunch and make love to you. I need my girlfriend back and I'm trying to help you get there but that means even though I'm thinking I wanna kiss you," He grabs her face gently and looks into her eyes." I'm checking the damn pupil response to make sure you don't have another brain bleed so please be patient Livvy, I'm not trying to mother hen you out of overberrance but because I have too!" he kissed her softly on the mouth and moved out of touching distance.
"I'm trying." She said tears in her eyes.
"I know you are. Don't cry, I didn't mean to be so forceful, I just- when I'm frustrated I get grouchy and you usually throw it right back at me." He hands her a napkin to dab at her eyes.
"Stop crying baby it'll give you another headache." He said softly.
" I know, I bitch back?" She sniffs.
"You bitch back with the best of em'."
"I got lost in my home town and Erin bailed on me for a case the bitch!" he pulled her chair toward where he sat on the foot of his bed. "You can kiss me I like it when you kiss me, we don't have sex here do we? What if there's-"he kissed her
"Shut up Baby, Livvy, just trust me and shut up and kiss." He said and then went back to kissing her.
She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses back sinking into the sensation. "When you kiss me my brain gets quiet and fuzzy, I like it." She licks her lips and he is transfixed for a second.
"So I'm a mute button." He kissed her and pulled her from the chair onto bed in his lap.
"Does help if I say you're a sexy mute button""
"Now you're sounding like my girlfriend."
"Bout time I got something right."
He nudged her chin up to catch her gaze. "Hey, look at me. I love you. You, in all your forms even this one. You aren't doing anything wrong Livvy." He says earnestly.
"Ok so don't hate me because I like kissing you and as much as the idea of sex is appealing to me, I don't remember ever having been intimate with you and we're in a totally full firehouse. I just can't. I can't its weird and freaky and I can't."
"It was your idea firehouse sex the first time… all you but-"her mouth gapes at that revelation even as he kissed her once last time. "That's okay, I can wait." He laughs at her thunderstruck expression.
"Really? I- You mean that?"
"Yes, but I say that halfheartedly because I've woken up with morning wood and no girlfriend fix for like a month now."
"You're insatiable, insufferable and incorrigible."
"Careful, that big word thing turns me on." Her brow furrows.
"You think I'm lying, I'm not."
"Kelly!" she laughed as he tickled her sides.
"I love you, come on I'll share my fries."
She kissed him before getting back in her chair. "This replacement chair sucks."
"Where'd your Dad find it?" He asked grabbing his food and digging in.
"Pawn shop."
"I'll see what I can do. Fry?" he fed her one.
""You really do love me don't you?""
"Like crazy, why?"
"You're sharing food. You don't do that."
"I never told you that, you remembered it." He winked at her.
-/-/-
"Your call light is on Rainey Jane." She rolled into the room.
"I said that I didn't want to see anyone but Mom." The girl sits in the bed in pajamas her hair thrown up and a scowl on her delicate featured face.
"And I didn't listen. Do you need pain meds? I'll get you some." She checked the chart.
"Any phantom pains? How's it healing?" Liv laid hand on her foot.
"My stump you mean. How's my stump healing?"
"Okay, Rain let's be real. We're lucky we're even her and I get that you are upset but-"
"Upset! Upset? They hacked off my fucking leg and you promised me they wouldn't! You promised Livvy!" she yelled.
"I don't remember that- I'm sorry Rain, I'm sorry this happened and I'm sorry-"She threw a Kleenex box at Liv who ducked.
"Take your apologies somewhere else and give em to someone who believes you!" She said spite dripping from her words and tears tracking down her face.
"Okay, I'll go. Just hang tight for fifteen minutes and they'll give you your meds."
"Get out!" She screamed.
"I love you." And Liv rolled out of the room.
-/-/-/-
When Kelly comes in at 8 the next morning he strips down and climbs in bed with a still sleeping Liv and doesn't give it much thought.
"Hey Babe, I'm home." He kisses her cheek she doesn't stir at all. "Right, medication." He pulls her into him and he curls around her and drops into a stone cold sleep.
She tosses and turns for most of the time. She wakes screaming.
"Baby!" He catches an elbow to the gut.
"Livvy Sweetheart." She slaps at his shoulders. He pins her hands to the bed. "Baby it's me!" he hears Vivi and Shay rushing down the stairs. "You're safe baby, its okay." The wildness slowly leaves her eyes as wakefulness takes over.
"It was awful… just falling everything falling people metal and huge concrete slabs. I thought I was going to die…I couldn't breathe…" Her breath hitches and tears leaked from the corner of her eyes on to the pillow case.
"Let her up asshole." Vivi Admonishes Kelly.
"I hit him. I'm sorry."
"I can take it baby you're fine. Here let's try sitting up."
He helps her sit up. "You cool Liv? Dizzy?"
"No, what if it never comes back and I'm stuck with that fucking nightmare shit in my head?"
"It's gonna come back Liv, just hang on." Vivi said gently. She concentrates on breathing and the feel of Kelly's hand on her back to bring down her panic.
"I can't remember Josh; I can't remember how Joshua became a part of our family Viv! I've lost a year and half." She said taking a deep breath and watches as Kelly's face knits with concern.
"For like a minute solid I had no clue where I was or who you were Kelly? How can you even want a life with me if I can't remember you?"
"Will you just trust that I do?" He holds her face in his hands brushing away tears with his thumbs.
"And Rainey hates me for making a promise and breaking it and don't remember making it, the only thing I can think is I told her I wouldn't let them amputate so that I could keep her alive. Hope's important and we were down there forever. I just had to keep her alive. I had too she was my responsibility."
Kelly hugged her. "It's not you, not really you know that right… she's not really angry with you she's angry at everything because she's seventeen and her life changed permanently." She laid her head on Kelly's chest and listen to beat of his heart.
Vivi climbed up in the bed and hugged her too. "Liv ya gotta stop holding it all in."
"I feel left out." Shay said.
Kelly laughed. "Come on in."
After getting in on the group hug. "Dude no wonder she freaked she found a naked stranger in bed with her!"
"Gross freakin' straight men." Vivi griped.
"Liv knows or knew I slept naked it wasn't a problem."
"Although I feel loved can we stop hugging because pretty soon I'll feel the need to put it out there that I don't swing or share." Liv joked making them all laugh.
-/-/-/-
"Hey Rain, can I come in?" Kelly tapped on the door frame.
"Oh just who I want to see me in this condition my sister's extremely hot and totally unavailable boyfriend."
"Thanks I think."
"You're Welcome, don't tell Liv I said that please. Things are hard enough for us right now as it is."
"I know that's why I'm here. I think you could use a little perspective Rain." He stands at the end of the bed.
"I-"
"I'm on rescue squad do you know what that means?"
She shrugged. "When buildings fall I save people. That arena was built to hold 1,855 people.2, 000 tickets were sold to the Lorde concert. That building was one of the oldest in the city and just barely structurally sound. Sixty people died four hundred and twelve injured. One hundred and nineteen of those were seriously or critically injured. The two of you fell two stories and were buried under three feet of concrete rebar and brick. It took close to six hours to dig you two out of it." Rainey's eyes get big and wide but he trudges on.
"She didn't purposefully lie to you. She was giving you a reason to keep breathing. What you guys went through was tragic and totally unfair but guess what honey, you weren't the only one affected. The woman I am almost positive is the love of my life wakes up and doesn't recognize me. You don't have your left leg and Liv might never get to be a doctor again. We all lost things but you are alive sixty people who just wanted to listen to music the same as you can't say the same thing. Sixty people, more even buried their Rainey's their Liv's…. be grateful we didn't have to please."
-/-/-/-
"Hey baby can you drop by the firehouse I have something for you. Oh yeah in case you have the sleepy forgets again It's Kelly your boyfriend and I love you okay bye babe." He leaves a voicemail. He stood in the laundry room on the phone.
"That was downright cute." Casey sat down his basket.
"Shut up Casey."
"You know it's totally okay to turn into a giant mush because you completely love someone to the point of embarrassment. I've been there." He grins.
"Thanks for the approval vote. Shut up." He walked out of the laundry room.
-/-/-/-
She rolls into the firehouse. "Hey Kell I'm here and I didn't even get lost!" she rolls into the common room and sees everyone staring at her. "Hey y'all sorry I forget it's not my house and to use my inside voice.
Chief Bowden walks over to stand beside her. "This is Kelly's house which means it's your house and these guys wouldn't know an inside voice if it bit them in the ass. It's good to see you Liv."
"Hey Babe." Kelly tilts back in his chair and looks at her. He reads her shirt it has a heart and heart monitor feed on it across the top it says "Hot enough to stop your heart." On the bottom. "Skilled enough to restart it."
"That's funny and accurate." He got up and walked over. "I'll be right back." He kissed the top of her head. "The brunette in the kitchen is my sister Katie. Go say hi."
She turned and stared at him. "Wha- you have a sister since when?"
"Oh right that conversation got zapped I'll fill you in gimmie a second."
-/-/-/-
"Hi I'm-"Liv approaches the girl behind the cook top.
"Kelly's girlfriend Olivia. I've heard a lot about you. He's crazy about you!"
Kelly whistled at them drawing their attention he sits in a turquoise wheelchair spinning and popping wheelies. "Got you a present Livvy!"
"Yay! New not crappy legs!" She lights up like a Christmas tree and he feels proud of himself.
"You think that's good." He pushes a button and moves levers on either side of him and it hydraulically unfurls the chair and pushes him to a standing position.
"Legs that stand! No fucking way!" She giggled excitedly.
"Well I know you hate the standing frame now you won't need one. It'll come in handy for work and when you are cooking too."
"How'd you-"
"I know a guy who knows a guy who donated it. It's fit to you specifically and my butt hurts so I'm gonna get up. You wanna try?"
"Yes!" Helps her into the chair. Then he sits the knee supports in.
"Do up the seat belt and then slide back the releases and pull back the levers and up you go."
"Wait! I'm recording it for Vivianne." Shay hollers getting out her phone. "Okay go!"
She follows his directions and slides up into a standing position. She looks at him with tears in her eyes. "What baby? Don't cry, hey…" He kissed her and carefully wiped a tear so as not to smudge her make up.
"You don't understand this is as close as I've come to standing on my own in a very long time. I can barely remember the last time I stood on my own or walked."
He kissed her. "You're eye level with me this is weird."
"From Viv tell the mother fucker its official I like him. Damn you Douchey McFireballs for being a good guy." Shay read and they laugh.
"How do I sit back down? I want to help Katie with dinner."
"No you just hang out with Kelly when you go back to work you won't get much time together."
"You sure I'm used to feeding hordes of people my family is one."
"I'm sure."
"Just do the same thing in the opposite order babe."
"When they gonna let you go back Doc?" Casey asked.
"I think they want me to at least recognize Kelly's face in the morning first."
"I have a plan for that Liv." Kelly adds in
"What? Post its?"
"Not quite, I'm just gonna hope you don't elbow me every morning for like the next fifty years."
"You make me sound like the girl in 50 First Dates it's not that bad!"
"Easy for you to say, you didn't get socked in the gut." He pouts
"You forgot the slap that was dangerously close to your face." Shay said.
"You're both asses!"
"I only tease because I love you." He turned and pecked her on the lips.